


Praying for a Dimension Switch

by MelancholySeraph



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe- Canon Compliant Until Season 9, Anal Fingering, Angst, Blow Jobs, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Estrangement, Fluff, Gabriel's Wings and Castiel's Grace, Grace Lashing, Graphic Descriptions Of Cutting, Grief/Mourning, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, I WILL COME BACK ASAP, IT IS NOT ABANDONED, Kidnapping, Loss of Virginity, Minor Character Death, Multi, Newly Human Castiel, Non-Canon Compliant Angelic Conception Concepts, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Polyamory Negotiations, Psychic Abilities, Psychological Trauma, Smut, Soul Marking, TEMPORARY HIATUS DUE TO INJURED LAPTOP, Threesome - F/M/M, Vaginal Sex, wound gore
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-04-14 15:30:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 51
Words: 225,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14139003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelancholySeraph/pseuds/MelancholySeraph
Summary: Dean's in love with Cas but he refuses to risk losing Cas again. He's not gonna lose his best friend just cuz he's a big ole bag of gay feelings. Castiel knows Dean loves him but refuses to push, he needs to wait for Dean to accept it, he's willing to wait a lifetime for it if he has to, for fear of ruining their friendship.When Cas starts receiving prayers from another dimension, the dimension where Sam and Dean discovered what a Padalecki was, at first, he pays no attention to them. Then he starts to care about what he's hearing. He brings Madelynne over to their dimension to save her from her own brand of perdition. Turns out, she's the strongest Empath that's walked the earth in centuries, which has Hell in an uproar. And another twist? She's Dean Winchester's soul mate, his true intended. When God gives Castiel a chance to become human and he starts matchmaking Gabriel and Sam, well, who knows what will happen?





	1. Pray and You Shall Receive

**Author's Note:**

> My first ever fan fic, guys. The second I've posted, but the first I've ever written and it's close to my heart. Tell me what you think about the story! :) Feedback brings me life.
> 
> P.S. I'm overhauling this story. The later chapters are written WAY better, so I apologize for how off the formatting is in the beginning chapters, and the tense change. I'm going back to fix it, but it does get better towards the end. I'm more experienced now. ;)

  
  
  
~Dean Winchester~

   


Sam's riding shotgun in the Impala with Dean when it happened. It was just a normal day, well, as normal as their's ever got. They had killed the witch without getting hexed, which was pretty much a solid win in their book. He was hungry, and tired, and just generally feeling shitty. He hated witches, they were always a bitch to kill. He was brooding, he knew, but at least Sam was quiet. They both were as far as it went, even the radio was turned down really low, which was kind of a first. Dean had a headache pounding behind his temples and he just wanted to get to the bunker and find some Tylenol. They had been on the road all fucking day since both of them just really wanted to get home. It was starting to get dark. Dean was desperate to get home and jump in the shower to wash the cheap motel smell, and the scent of the hunt off his body. He nearly jumped out of his skin when a loud pop sounded through the car, followed by a thump in the backseat.

He slammed the brakes and pulled over off the side of the road immediately with a loud cry of "Son of a bitch!" They both had their guns drawn and pointed at the back seat within a millisecond. Dean was extremely surprised to see the slumped shape of a girl (woman?) lying in the back seat, apparently unconscious. What the hell?  
  


**~Madelynne Walker~**  
  


_"Goddammit!" She nearly whimpered as she closed the door to her bedroom and stalked across the room to the window. "Fuck," Maddie muttered, staring out the window. It was dark outside, it was nearly 12 in the morning after all. The anger coursing through her veins was enough to make her want to punch a wall. This situation was so fucked up. Why couldn't her dad just leave her alone? Why was he always showing up and tormenting her? Why did her family let it happen?_

_She wasn't a kid anymore, why do people treat her like an invalid? Fuck, fuck, fuck. Maddie brought her arm back and slammed it into the wall. Pain bloomed under her knuckles and they started to bleed, but she really didn't care. She hated this place. Not for the first time, she prayed to get out. To be able to go far, far away, where she wouldn't have to deal with any of this anymore. "Please, please... I don't want to be here anymore. I just want to get out. Please help me." She decided to just lay down and try to sleep. She'd probably never manage it, but she could try to sleep. God, she was so angry. Why was her life like this? Hell. She turned over on her side, facing the room, and pulled the blanket up to her shoulders. This situation was so fucked. Madelynne knew her prayers wouldn't be answered._

_Maybe that's why she prayed to Castiel, the fictional angel from the series Supernatural because she never had to hope that he would actually answer. She would never be disappointed by her prayers not coming true._

_But she could still pray to someone, someone she imagined could care, who was a good person, angel, whatever. It made her feel better. Suddenly she was very, very tired. Warmth and peace settled over her body. It was the happiest she had felt in a really long time. "What-" She didn't even get the sentence out. Her eyelids were fluttering closed and sleep was overtaking her brain, but Maddie swore she could hear someone talking. "Sleep, Madelynne. Rest now, you're safe. I have come to answer your prayers. Rest." The words lulled her to sleep, and she could swear there was a hand on her shoulder. She slept peacefully, dreamlessly, for the first time in a very long time._

_When she woke, it wasn't really wakefulness. She was still in the twilight between sleep and consciousness. She felt so comfortable, she really didn't want to wake up. But something was off. This wasn't her bed, and she wasn't laying down. She was curled into herself, and she was being... carried? She was curved into something warm, almost hot. A chest? She started to panic and struggle. A deep, rumbling voice spoke in her ear. "No, Madelynne. It's alright. This will be easier if you sleep."_

_She felt warm fingers on her temple, and she was out again, drifting._

**~Dean~**  
**~September, 7th~**

 

Dean Winchester was looking at the brunette they had tied to the bed. She had on thin silver-framed glasses and a tight red t-shirt. She looked young, but he couldn't tell how old she actually was. She had scared the hell out of him and Sam when she had popped into the Impala like that. They had no idea where she came from or who she was, so obviously the only option they had was to tie her to the bed, he thought with a chuckle. That had been his idea. They thought she was something supernatural, considering she'd poofed into the car, but she hadn't set off any alarms. They had done all the tests on her, and she came out clean. Not a demon, or a werewolf, or anything. She appeared to be just a human, but that didn't explain how she had poofed into Baby. Dean studied her. She was thin, but not skinny. She had generous curves and a lithe body. She was attractive, Dean thought. She had a dusting of freckles across her nose and two bigger ones on her left cheek. Her lips were perfect. They were a light pink color, and a literal perfect cupid's bow shape. She looked innocent. He really didn't know why he was studying her so intently, but he really had nothing else to do until she woke up. He had told Sam he would watch her and holler at him when she woke up so they could question her.

Oh. She was starting to stir.

 

**~Madelynne~**

 

When Madelynne came to, she was lying down, and she thought, Well, that was a nutso dream. Except... This wasn't her bed. She could tell just by the softness of it. She hadn't slept on something so soft since the last time she visited her sister. She slept on the floor at home. She opened her eyes, the first signs of panic trickling through her veins. Where was she? She was looking at a ceiling, nothing particularly special about it. It was white and tall. It literally told her nothing about where she was. She went to sit up but found she couldn't. What the hell? Her wrists were tied to the rails on the headboard. Oh fuck. "Good, you're awake."

Her head whipped around and she found the source of the voice, but what she was staring at didn't make any sense. Umm... There was a tall man sitting in a chair at the end of her bed. A man with short brown hair, and a plaid over shirt. A very familiar man. She'd been watching that face at least weekly for many years. "Jensen?"  
  
  
  
He gave her a confused look, then it turned suspicious. He turned his head and yelled, "Sam." Sam? As in Winchester? As in the characters from Supernatural? What kind of drugs had she been given? None of this is real, it's a TV show. Maybe this was some sort of really vivid, fucked up dream. But that didn't fly, and she knew it. This was all too real. A few seconds later the door burst open, and there he was, gun drawn, eyes wary. He looked around the room carefully, then lowered his gun.

"Oh, she's awake. Anything weird, Dean?"

"Sam? Dean? As in Winchester?" They both looked at her with suspicious eyes. "How'd you know that?" Dean asked.

"I, umm, well... you're not going to believe this." She was so confused. What was this? Why was she here?

"Yeah, probably not," Dean said.

"What's your name?" Sam said not unkindly.

"Madelynne, Madelynne Walker."

"How old are you?"

"I turned eighteen yesterday, actually."

Dean groaned. "Are you kidding me? We practically tied a minor to a bed frame? That's great."

"Why are you here?" Sam asked, looking at her cautiously.

"Umm, I don't know. Where is "here" exactly?" She looked around, noting the room, and how the doors looked like the doors on a navy ship or something. "Ooh... Is this- is this the bunker?" She was partially hoping she was wrong, and kind of hoping she was right.

Dean and Sam shared an incredulous look, then looked back at her, suspicious. "Who the hell are you? And why'd you pull the poof-into-the-Impala-and-pass-out trick?"

"I... I what? I was in the Impala? Is that how I got here?"

"Wait a second, you really don't know?" Sam asked.

"I have no idea. I was asleep, in my room, and then..." She wasn't going to mention the dream where she had been being carried by a man, that was just a little too weird. "And then?" Dean asked impatiently. "And then I woke up in here. I don't... I don't know how I got here, I don't even know where here is. I'm so confused." Dean and Sam shared another worried look before Dean turned back to her. "You called me Jensen. Why?"

"She called you Jensen? Like-" Dean shot him a warning look, and Sam's mouth closed with a snap. "I, umm... I called you Jensen, because... because that's who you are, uh, in my world, I guess. You're Jared Padalecki, and you're Jensen Ackles. You guys play Dean and Sam on the TV show Supernatural. I- I watch it. A lot."

Dean gaped at her. "Oh, God, we've got another Becky on our hands."

"Hey! I'm not that bad. I'm nothing like Becky. I would never kidnap Sam! And she ships Wincest, for Chrissake."

"You know Becky?" Sam asked.

"No, I mean, not personally. I told you, I watch the show."

"That's in the show?" Dean asked. Oh, how to explain this? "Okay, umm, you know Carver Edlund's books? That's pretty much what the show is. I've literally watched you guys do...everything, pretty much. Assuming this isn't some sort of hallucination or something."

"How did you get here? I mean... The world where they film Supernatural as a TV show is an alternate dimension. Is that where you're from?"

"Yeah, that's where I'm from. Umm. I honestly don't... Oh... Oh." Suddenly the dream she'd had swamped her memory. That voice had been awfully familiar, hadn't it?

"Oh, God." She said quietly. "What is it?" Sam asked. "I think I know what happened. I, umm, I think you need to call Cas."

Dean looked at her suspiciously. "Why?"

"I think he may have brought me over here. I umm, I think I remember him talking to me, umm... carrying me. He told me it'd be easier if I was asleep."

"That sounds kinda rapey," Dean said. She shivered on the bed. "It wasn't like that." Her voice was small, and Sam looked at her sympathetically.  
  
"Alright. Go call Cas. I'm going to untie her." Dean shot him a look. "Don't you think maybe we should wait for confirmation that Cas really did bring her here?"

"Why? She's harmless."

"Remember Lilith? She looked pretty harmless too."

"We know she's not a demon, Dean. Come on. She wouldn't have been able to get into the Impala if she was, it's warded. We did all the tests. She's clean. I'm letting her go."

"Fine. Just watch your ass. I'm gonna go call Cas." Dean stalked out of the room and Sam got up from the chair. He walked over to where her hand was tied to the bedpost and he grimaced. "I'm sorry about this. We thought it was necessary. Well, Dean did."

"It's alright. I get why you did it. If I'd been in your place I'd've done the same." Sam loosened the knots holding her right wrist, then walked around the bed to do the same to her left. "Do you have any idea why Cas would have brought you here?"

Maddie flushed guiltily. "Umm, I think so, yeah." Sam looked at her curiously. Her wrists were finally loose and she rubbed them gratefully and sat up on the edge of the bed. "I, uh... I pray to Castiel. It's - I know it sounds weird, but in my world, Cas is a fictional character. Praying to him, it's safe. I can imagine he actually is somewhere, listening, and that he could bust into the room and save me if I needed it. Last night, I was praying that I wanted to get out, just get away. I- Sorry. I didn't mean to ramble like that." Sam smiled and stood in front of her, looking at her carefully. "It's alright. You know, it's possible that he heard your prayers. That could be why you're here."

She whispered quietly while looking at the floor. "I don't want to go back."

"Hey, Madelynne, right? Don't worry about it. We'll figure it out when Cas gets here."

"Thanks, Sam." She said gratefully. "Uh, you can call me Maddie, by the way. That's - that's what I go by."

"Hey, I used to know-"

"A Maddie? Yeah, I remember her."

"That's... weird."

"Sorry. This is weird for me too. I've been watching Supernatural forever, and now... Well, I'm in it. It's hard to wrap my head around."

"We'll figure it out. We should probably go find Dean and Cas."

"Okay. Thank you, Sam."

"Eh, it's nothing. Come on." He stood and Madelynne did too. As they left the room she thought, No, it's not nothing. It's everything. This was literally everything she'd been hoping for, praying for, in some deep part of her brain, the place that still believed things could turn out alright. She followed him down a couple of hallways then they started hearing voices. "You tied her to a bed? Really, Dean?" A deep voice rumbled, and she shivered unconsciously. That was definitely the voice from her dre- well, memory. "Uh, yeah. You dropped her in the Impala and ran off to God knows where. We didn't know what or who she was, or how she got there."

"I told you, I was being followed. I had to keep her safe, and I knew she'd be safe with you."

"You didn't think of maybe, I don't know, letting us know?"

"There wasn't time, I had to lead them away."

"You ever heard of a cell phone? You could have at least texted one of us."

"There wasn't time, Dean."

"Alright, alright, whatever, I get it. Ahh, speaking of the devil."

She and Sam entered the room, they were in the library, and her eyes widened with shock. It was exactly how it was portrayed on the show.  
  
  
  
All the books, and the long tables everywhere. Cas and Dean were standing in the middle of the room. They both turned to look at them when they entered. She walked shyly behind Sam. Cas was standing there next to Dean, looking for all the world like the holy tax accountant from the show. He had the five o'clock shadow, and the bright blue eyes that looked like they saw into a person's very soul, which, of course, they actually did. She wondered what hers looked like. His tie was loose, and he was wearing the famous tan trench coat. It was like stepping into a dream. "Are you alright?"

His gravel over silk voice rumbled through her like warm whiskey, and his face was concerned. He walked over to her and put a hand on her shoulder. "You're hurt." He looked down at her wrists and before she had a chance to say anything he had healed them where they had been rubbed raw from the rope that Sam and Dean had used to bind her. Cas shot an "I told you so" look at Dean who shrugged apologetically. "Sorry about that," Dean said. "It's alright." Cas's grace left her feeling warm and tingly. "I'm sorry for leaving you. I needed to keep you safe. The demons were catching up to me quite quickly. I didn't know Dean would be quite so brutal." Castiel shot him another annoyed look.  
  
  
  
"I would have preferred to be here when you awoke."

"Cas..."

"Yes?"

"Did you bring me here? From my world?"

He was completely unperturbed. "Yes. I've been hearing your prayers for a while now. Are you upset that I brought you here?" She thought about it for a minute. "No. I'm not upset. I'm... glad, I guess. Can I ask a question though?"

"Of course."

"What's with all the cloak and dagger?"

Cas tilted his head, confused.  
  
  
  
She chuckled. "Why all the secretiveness, Cas? Why not just show up and tell me what was going on? You put me to sleep, didn't you? Last night?"

"You needed to rest. I could feel your anger from miles away. And it's easier to transport humans when they are asleep."

"So it wasn't a dream then." She mumbled.

"No, I carried you across the worlds."

Oh boy... The thought was awkward, and she flushed, embarrassed before Sam cleared his throat. She had nearly forgotten there were others in the room. "She could probably use some food. Dean, you wanna find something or her?"

"What am I, Martha-frigging-Stewart?"

"It's alright. I don't want to be any trouble." She said, her eyes downcast. Sam chuckled. "It's not trouble. He's just bitchy because nobody told him what was going on. Dean doesn't like surprises."

"Damn straight. But fine, whatever, a sandwich cool with you?" He arched a cool brow at her, and Madelynne nodded mutely. He walked away to go to, presumably, the kitchen. "You guys really don't have to do anything. I'm fine."

"Dean is... rough around the edges. I may have made a mistake in dropping you into the Impala like I did, but he'll recover."

Ugh. She hated everything being so awkward. She needed to talk to Cas alone, but she didn't want to say it. Thankfully, Cas seemed to pick up on it. "Sam, do you mind if I talk to Madelynne alone? I need to explain, and it would be easier for her if-"

"Cas!" She was blushing again, dammit. She shot a look at him, then over at Sam, who thankfully wasn't laughing. "Yeah, of course. I'll go make sure Dean isn't trying to put chili peppers on the sandwich or something."

"Thank you." Cas laid a hand on her shoulder and guided her to a living room set up, where there was a couch. "Do you want to sit?"

"It doesn't matter, I guess." She sat down and he sat next to her, though she knew he'd be just as comfortable standing. She looked down at her lap, dreading a little bit what was coming. "Why do you feel like that? There's nothing to be afraid of. You're safe here." Confusion tempered his voice, as well as concern. She kept forgetting about his ability to read emotions.

"I just... I don't understand why you brought me here. Up until fifteen minutes ago, I thought you guys were fictional, but-"

"You prayed to me even though you believed I didn't exist? You prayed very fervently. I would not have heard you, otherwise."

"Yes, I... I don't know if I can explain this, really, but praying to you was safe, Cas. I didn't have to hope about my prayers coming true, I couldn't be disappointed when nothing happened because I knew you weren't real. But, still, praying to you made me feel better because I could imagine you were out there actually listening. That... That you- that somebody cared." She mumbled the last sentence almost inaudibly, but with Cas's angelic hearing he, of course, heard it.

"It's alright, Madelynne. Believe it or not, I do understand. We all, even angels, want someone to care for us and to be there for us. I understand."

"Thanks, Cas. For, well, everything. Umm..."

"Yes?"

"Am I going to be... staying here? Or are you taking me back? Or... well, what were your plans for this?"

"It depends on what you decide. You may stay here if you wish, or I can take you back. I've heard all your prayers. Prayers to get away from where you were, to be anywhere else but there. I thought I was making the correct decision."

"I'm sorry, Cas."

"Why are you apologizing?"

"I just... I know how all that sounds, and I didn't... I didn't think you were real. I would never have prayed all that stuff had I known you were actually listening."

"There is no reason to be embarrassed, Madelynne."

"Says you. You weren't the one being so... so helpless and ridiculous."

"I don't find it ridiculous at all. You wanted out, and you needed help. I understand your situation was less than ideal. I know some of what you have been through, but I feel I have to ask if you do stay here aren't you going to miss your siblings? Your nephews? You have a family there."

"I don't-" Suddenly Dean spoke up from the doorway. "Wait a second, you brought her here when she has a family back there? Cas, what the fuck were you thinking? They're going to be worried sick, looking for her, and she's going to be here. What the hell, dude?" She flinched as his voice got louder and louder. She had to resist the urge to cover her ears like a child. She closed her eyes and tried to control her breathing. She knew she was about to hyperventilate, that she was on the verge of a panic attack. People yelling always did that to her, especially when the argument was about her. It usually didn't happen this quickly though, it was weird. She flinched and drew her knees up to her chest when Castiel stood and started answering Dean angrily. "You know nothing of her situation, Dean, you cannot assume what would happen."

"It doesn't matter! She has a family! People that are gonna be looking for her! She's not even an adult yet, Cas. You can't just drag people away from their families. She's not even in the right damn dimension!" The voices were getting louder and louder, and she closed her eyes as she started rocking slightly on the couch, wrapping her arms around her knees. It hadn't ever happened this fast before, or this violent. What was going on? "You have no idea what her life has been like, Dean. Madelynne doesn't deserve-"

"It doesn't matter, Cas. You pretty much kidnapped a girl from another world. A world where she has a family, and you don't abandon family."

"What are you guys fighting about now?" Sam had suddenly entered the room, apparently. Madelynne hadn't heard him enter. She was having a panic attack, hyperventilating. She knew if she opened her eyes that her vision would be narrowing, and getting dark on the edges, just like it always did. She wasn't getting enough air, she couldn't breathe, oh God. Calm down, calm down, calm down. She chanted to herself, but she couldn't. "Guys, shut up! Look."  
  
"Oh, shit." Dean said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this won't matter for a while, but Gabriel's history is slightly different than canon, with the mention of him helping Castiel's garrison in a demonic war some four hundred years ago as the archangel Gabriel. Canon-wise, he was Loki at the time, but I needed that there for reasons. :) Let's say it was a brief hiatus, and then he went back into hiding. Maybe he even came back to help because Cas asked? Who knows. *shrug* Maybe Gabe had a soft spot for Castiel as a fledgling. :)
> 
> Also, prayers don't work quite the same way. You'll see. Just go with it. :) 
> 
> Also, as of 6/18/18, I'm going back to delete the use of the boys saying Chuck in replacement of God. I've decided they don't know about Chuck being God. But Maddie does because she's watched the episodes that the boys haven't actually lived through yet if you follow me. I hope you enjoy the story. :)
> 
> 6/22/18: So I had some formatting issues and ended up having to delete a chapter. I'm 99.99% positive everything makes sense cuz I think I fixed it all, but IF IT DOESN'T, PLEASE TELL ME. Thanks!! <3
> 
> I'm adding pics to the early chapters when I have time guys, the new ones that I update should have pics in them. I'm just adding them to these chapters when I can, lol. There's a lot to do.


	2. Are They Going to Make Me Go Home?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bunker description is prob totally not canon but just go with it, lol. Slight (prob extremely slight) trigger warning for panic attacks and mention of murder.

  
There was a crashing sound and she felt tears silently coursing their way down her cheeks. She always ruined everything. She had caused this. Suddenly someone put a hand on her and she flinched away from the touch. "Go on, guys, I got this. I know what's wrong. I'm so stupid."

If only she hadn't prayed to Cas. If only she hadn't been so stupid, none of this would have happened. "Madelynne, Maddie, can you hear me?"

"What's wrong with her, Dean? She has no physical injuries."

"She's having a panic attack."  
  
She felt a hand touch her shoulder again and she vaguely recognized it was Dean's. She still flinched. "Maddie, it's alright. You need to breathe. Just breathe. It's alright, it's over now. Just breathe with me." She felt a rush of air, then Dean's voice was close to her face. "Breathe with me."  
  
His hands were on her shaking shoulders, warm, and large, and steadying. His voice was low and calm, and she was inclined to listen to it. She struggled to listen to his words, she knew what he was saying was important but her body didn't want to respond. After a couple of minutes, she felt her lungs begin to obey her and her heart rate slowed. She carefully drew air into her lungs, and let it back out. She kept her eyes tightly shut though, she didn't want to risk breaking her concentration.

She hadn't experienced this before. No one ever helped her when she had panic attacks, she was always alone. And while she generally preferred it that way, this was actually helping. "There you go. It's getting better."  
  
Maddie struggled to get her breaths to stop shaking, but they refused. She just let it happen then. She'd draw a breath in, and shakily let it out. She was trying to take deep breaths. She could feel her body now, she was still curled up with her knees to her chest, her hands fisted. She didn't want to open her eyes. "Are you alright?" She didn't know how to respond. She never liked having to talk during panic attacks, it made breathing complicated, and she had to worry about what she was going to say. She felt panic trickling in again and she scrunched her body tighter against herself. "Don't do that, Dean. The questions could make her panic again. I felt it."

"Alright. We'll just sit here, 'kay? Don't worry about anything. It's okay." She felt herself relax a little bit from his words.

"That seems to be helping."

"Why don't you go talk to Sam or something, Cas? I've got this."

"I don't... Okay."

She didn't even hear him leave the room. Maddie was focusing on her breathing. Her heart was pounding steadily in her ears, and she was trying to get it to calm down completely. After a few minutes, she finally felt relaxed enough to open her eyes. She could feel that her face was wet with tears, and her lashes were heavy with moisture. She opened her eyes carefully. She let out a shaky breath, grateful. She was in darkness, the light was eclipsed by Dean's arms around her, and her knees. She waited another minute or two, making sure she was actually calm before she spoke. "D-Dean?"

"Yeah, I'm right here."

"I'm sorry." She whispered the words, afraid of being rebuked, though logic told her that if he was kind enough to help her then he was most likely not angry.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for. It was my fault, wasn't it? The fighting?"

She slowly raised her head from the calming darkness to look at Dean, and she nodded. He was looking over at her worriedly. He was crouched down on the floor in front of the couch, he removed his hands from her shoulders, and for some weird reason, she kind of missed the weight, but she was glad it was gone too. She wasn't used to being touched. "Are you alright?"

"I - I think so. They usually don't happen that fast, I wasn't prepared. It was kind of weird."

"Your system's probably all jacked from the dimension switch thing."

She smiled then, a small smile. "You might be right about that." She raised a hand and wiped away the wetness from under her glasses and on her cheeks. She let it soak into the sleeve of her grey sweatshirt gratefully. "I'm sorry I freaked out like that."

"It's not your fault. I know it's nothing that can be controlled. It was me and Cas fighting, huh?"

"Yeah... Um.."

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"No, it's alright, I guess, it's just - no one's ever asked before. The yelling. It's - people fighting triggers my panic attacks, as well as a couple of other things, but that one is the most common. You guys were arguing about me, which made it so much worse. I just - I don't know. I'm usually not around people when it happens."

"How does that work? Wouldn't you have to be around people if fighting and yelling are triggers?"

"Well, I try to avoid being around anyone fighting, but even just hearing it through the walls... If I'm out in the house somewhere, I have to esc- go back to my room. I don't like to be around my family when it happens."

"Do you mind if I ask why?"

"Surprisingly, no. Um, they just don't understand that it's serious, pretty much. I can't deal with the criticism when I'm like that. They think I'm weak, and - and I mean, they're not wrong, it's just-" Dean moved until he was sitting on the couch next to her, one knee bent, and he was facing her. "No. It's not weak. Believe me, I know the trauma it takes to make someone have panic attacks."

"Do you get...?" She glanced down nervously.

Dean was completely candid without an ounce of shame. "Yeah, I do. It's rare, anymore, but I used to get them a lot. I'd get them sometimes as a kid, but after Hell, well..."

"Oh. Is that how you knew?" She gestured between herself and him, and he nodded. "Yeah, after I started getting them all the time I looked up things that help. I always dealt with them myself. I don't think Sam even knows I had any, so the physical comfort wasn't a thing for me, not that I'd let him anyway. But when I saw you there on the couch, I remembered. Hope I didn't freak you out or anything."

She blushed again. "No. You didn't. It actually helped. I've always dealt with them by myself too. It was nice to actually - Well, it was just nice. It was calming, I guess."  
  
"I'm glad it helped. I'm sorry it was me that caused it."

"Thank you, Dean. Seriously. That's one of the worst ones I've had in a while, and they usually last a lot longer. And it's alright... I get it. You have a solid point, but... it's a long story. Anyway, thanks."

"It's no problem." She looked over his shoulder as something gleaming caught her eye. "So I guess that's the crash I heard, huh?" She gestured to the broken plate and the sandwich lying on the floor in a heap. "Uh, yeah. Kinda dropped it. At least I didn't throw it at Cas, or like the wall or something." She shivered involuntarily and he looked at her quickly.  
  
"Is that... Is something like that the reason you started getting panic attacks?"

Her eyes wide, she looked at him, surprised. No one ever caught on. And he didn't even know her family! Dean was a lot smarter than he gave himself credit for. She decided, for whatever reason, to trust him. For some reason, it felt right. Her voice was quiet when she spoke. "Yeah... My father, he's an alcoholic, and he'd get drunk and beat on my mom, or my brother, whoever was closest, really. He killed my mom." He sucked in a sharp breath. Tears pricked her eyes again, the way they always did when she thought about her mom, and she tried to fight them back down. She couldn't look at Dean, she didn't want to see what was on his face because he knew part of her story now.

"He used to yell a lot when he'd get drunk. Mean things, hurtful things. And he'd hurt my mom. Eventually, I guess I got conditioned to where when I here people yelling, especially guys, it just..."

"I get it. It just affects you that way, you can't control it." She mentally thanked him for not making her explain, and for not mentioning the whole her-father-being-a-murderer thing. She'd already told him way more than she had intended. Suddenly Cas walked back into the room carrying a sandwich on a plate. He sat it on the coffee table. "Here, I made you this since Dean decided to throw the other." He looked back at the mess and snapped his fingers and it was gone.

"It wasn't on purpose."

"Thanks, Cas. I'm sorry for all the trouble."

Dean interjected quickly before Cas could speak. "It's not your fault. We shouldn't have been yelling like that." He stood. "Cas, I need to talk to you. Will you be alright? I can get Sam."

He looked at her worriedly. "Yeah, I'm fine, Dean. Thank you, you know, for everything."

"No problem." He gave her a half smile that twisted worry into her stomach, but she tried to ignore it. She picked up her sandwich when Dean started talking to Cas as they made their way out of the room.

Sam came in a moment later and joined her.  
  


  
~Dean~

 

Dean walked Cas to his bedroom so they could talk alone. He didn't need Sam butting in on this to tell him he was an asshole. He couldn't get Maddie off his mind. God, she'd looked so vulnerable cuddled into herself on the couch like she was. Even though he was the one that had caused it, which he could tell was going to be eating a hole through him soon. He had felt protective of her. All his anger at Cas was gone as soon as he'd looked at her. It was weird, the only person he had really felt protective over was Charlie, but... No. He couldn't go there right now. Not again. Regardless, this felt different somehow, and he wasn't sure why.

Jeez, she had pretty much been crying in his arms. Sam would make a joke about that, but Dean thought it was... Not exactly sweet, but close, that she had trusted him. She had relaxed, and let him calm her down, even though he had been the one that caused the panic attack. He really didn't know what to make of it. He reached his bedroom door and walked in, Cas following closely. When the door was shut, he started immediately. "Dean, what was that about? You and I haven't fought like that since-"

"Look, I know you're pissed at me, I am too, believe it or not. I didn't know all that shit about her dad or anything. Did you?" Dean demanded. Cas was completely unperturbed by Dean's glare, which he secretly thought was pretty awesome. "No, actually. She prayed to me, but generally only about specific things happening at the time." Dean narrowed his eyes. "How long has she been praying to you?"  
  
  
  
This time Cas did avert his eyes, and Dean knew he wasn't going to like the answer. "A year." Dean's mouth dropped open. "Seriously? She's been praying to you for a year and you didn't tell me?"

"It took me many months to understand that her prayers were not coming from here, and many weeks more until I decided to investigate it. I would've told you, but it didn't seem important." Of fucking course not. Receiving prayers from another dimension is totally normal. "Of course." He muttered, but with Cas being an angel and all he obviously heard it. Before he could say anything Dean said, "Did you intend on keeping her here or is this like a hiatus or something?"

"I would like for her to stay here but it is her decision. As well as yours and Sam's."

"You know I wouldn't kick her out. We can get her a room and everything if she decides to stay." Cas squinted his eyes at him. "You are taking this extraordinarily well." Dean flushed and looked at the floor. "Yeah, it's just after she told me about that stuff with her dad... I mean, that's not a family I'd want to go back to, and I sure as hell wouldn't want somebody to force me to. So yeah." He rubbed the back of his neck, he was uncomfortable with this conversation. They needed a safer topic. "So you going to go ask her about staying here?"

"Yes. I suppose I should."

It was unanimously decided, so he and Cas walked back out of the bedroom back to the living room.

 

~Castiel, Seraph~

 

Castiel watched silently as Madelynne finished her sandwich, she seemed preoccupied and had been eating slowly. She was sitting cross-legged on the couch, having removed her sneakers, and she was fidgeting slightly with the sleeve on her sweatshirt. "Are you alright? Was the sandwich okay?"

"It was fine, Cas, thank you. And, I guess I'm alright. This just... That bothers me." "That" could refer to so many different things, he wondered which she was talking about, and asked as much. "It's just, Sam's back there arguing with his brother, because of me, and I-"

"Sam is arguing with his brother because of Dean." When they had reached the living room, Sam had demanded that he and Dean go talk, and Dean hadn't refused, leaving Castiel to talk with Madelynne alone."Well, fine, arguing about me, then. How's that?" Castiel acquiesced, that sentence was more accurate.

"And that bothers you?"

"Yes. Wouldn't it bother you?" Castiel thought about it for a moment. "I suppose it would. I wish Dean and I had not acted so rashly. I'm sorry."

"I get it. He has a point, in a weird kind of way. Technically, you did kidnap me." Castiel looked up at her, trying to discern if it was a joke or not. She was smiling, and her eyes had a mischievous light to them. Castiel smiled. She was joking with him, that was a good sign. "I suppose I did. I should probably ask, is that alright? Would you rathered I didn't?"

She didn't even pause to think about, answering immediately. "No. I'm glad you did. Even if Dean hates me, being away from it all will be worth it."

"Dean does not hate you. He hates very few things, three of those exceptions being pigeons, Abaddon, and "crappy" cheeseburgers." Cas did his air quotes.

Madelynne giggled. "That episode was hilarious... The one with Dean yelling at the pigeons. It was the time he could talk to animals." She clarified at Castiel's confused look.  
  
"Oh. Yes, I remember now. That was most likely when his hatred of birds was born." She chuckled. "Probably," She paused. "Cas?"

"Yes?"

"Are they going to make me go back home?"

"If you would like to stay, then you may stay. Dean will not kick you out. It goes against what he believes, protect the innocent. That's rather beside the point though, Dean wouldn't do that, even if he disagrees with me. And I believe he has taken a liking to you."

Madelynne began to blush, and Castiel wondered why. Was it something he said or was it something she thought of? Castiel gave a small smile as Dean entered the doorway behind Maddie and cocked an eyebrow at him, a small smirk on his lips. "I don't know how. All I've done since he met me is hide behind his brother, pissed him off, and had a panic attack."  
  
"I doubt he views it that way, Madelynne. Hello, Dean." Madelynne jumped and looked up from where she'd been staring at the floor. "Am I interrupting guys?"

"No," Madelynne said quickly, a dark blush filling her cheeks. Why does that keep happening? It's happened nearly every time Castiel has mentioned Dean. Hmm. Maybe he should ask Dean about it. He wondered if Madelynne would take issue with that. Probably, he reasoned. Humans were confusing. "No, you're fine to join us if you'd like, Dean."

"Alright." Acting a bit out of character, Dean settled himself on the opposite side of the couch from Madelynne. Castiel wondered why. "How did the talk with Sam go?" Castiel asked.

"He called me an asshole, but I told him I had actually apologized and that pretty much shut him up. Everything else was just sarcastic fluff and him being a bitch."

"Sorry about that," Madelynne mumbled to the floor.

Dean looked at her sharply, then his gaze softened when he took in how she was sitting, Castiel noticed. "It's not your fault. I fucked up. And Sammy's almost always PMSing. I'm used to it, believe me. If he keeps it up though I'm going to put Nair in his shampoo bottle. And hey, by the way," He put his hand on her shoulder and she looked up at him. "If you decide to stay, you can stay here in the bunker."

"But what about all the I-was-basically-kidnapped-crap and all that?"

"Eh, things change. If you want to stay you can."

Madelynne shook her head at him. "I wouldn't do that. This is your home. I'm not going to force myself on you guys."

"You're not. Cas brought you here, and you should be allowed to stay. It's his home as well as ours."

She eyed him with a confused/suspicious look. "Why are you doing this for me?" It reminded Castiel of when he had introduced himself to Dean all those years ago in the barn after pulling him from perdition. Dean had questioned why an angel would rescue him from Hell. Castiel had told him that good things do happen and Dean had replied with a heartbreaking, 'Not in my experience.' Oh, how that sentence had hurt Castiel. When he had asked Dean what was wrong, it had suddenly clicked. Dean didn't think he deserved to be saved. The similarities between the two situations were striking, at least to him, but Castiel remained silent. He didn't want to interfere with their conversation.

"We're not just going to throw you out with nowhere to go. You need a safe place to stay. And pretty much nowhere is safer than the bunker. Cas brought you, Sam likes you, you should be allowed to stay. So you can." Castiel noticed he had conveniently left himself out of the examples and wondered why.

Madelynne looked up at Dean, apparently question his answer. She seemed to be deliberating. "Thank you, Dean." She said quietly. When she looked back at Cas he realized he was looking at her strangely. It seemed to make her uncomfortable. "What?"

"I was just wondering why you keep doing that."

Madelynne drew her eyebrows together, confused. "Keep doing what?"

"Blushing." Her face flushed even as he said it. Dean had a small smirk and looked curious. "It happens a lot when I talk. I can't control it."

"I apologize. I've made you uncomfortable." She drew her knees to her chest, before putting her forehead to them. Then Castiel heard her silent plea, (Please stop talking, Cas. Don't talk about that. Talk about anything else, I don't care.)

"Okay." Dean glanced at him, confused, but then comprehension dawned. Madelynne was still very embarrassed and Castiel felt sorry about it. He decided to excuse himself from the situation to avoid further worsening of things. "I think I will go talk to Sam."

 

~Dean~

 

Dean grinned when Cas awkwardly stood and announced he was going to find Sam. It was kind of nice not to be the one on the end of his embarrassing questions. He looked back at Madelynne who was hiding her face in her knees. "You don't have to hide, you know. Cas has a habit of embarrassing all of us. We're used to it." He smiled when she answered without removing her face from her knees. "It's easier to hide. Then I don't have to think about how stupid I'm being." Her voice was muffled. "You're not being stupid."

"Thanks, but I know better. Believe me."

"Okay. How are you being stupid?"

"Dude... Do you really have to ask?" She raised her head and looked up at him, and he smiled. A pink blush was still tinting her cheeks, making her freckles stand out. "How is blushing stupid?"

"Because it happens all the time! It never stops. And not only that, it does it at the drop of a hat. I look like Santa." She sounded scandalized. Dean outright laughed, and Madelynne narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously. "You picturing me with a Santa hat?" He widened his eyes innocently, "Absolutely not."  
  
He tried to maintain his serious face, but it didn't work. He laughed again.  
  
  
  
She chuckled. "Yeah, that's what I thought." He was glad to see her laughing. The blush was apparently firmly in place, but at least she wasn't embarrassed by it now. He was rather curious why she kept blushing though. But he wasn't going to point it out like Cas had. He was distracting her. "So, is there anything you'd like to do?" She looked out at the living room over her jeans. "I really haven't thought about it."

"Do you want to tour the bunker?"

She looked over at him and her eyes widened. She smiled brightly and Dean felt something shoot through his chest. He didn't know what had just happened. "Do I wanna tour the bunker? Is that even a question? Yeah, of course, I do."

"Come on, I'll show you around." Dean stood up, he was still confused about what had happened. He didn't know what it could have been. It had happened when she smiled though. That was...weird. Nah. He wasn't going to worry about it right now. He was going to give Madelynne the dime tour. She stood up and he was surprised to see how far she came up to him, she was rather tall. She was about two, maybe three inches shorter than Cas. "Do I need my shoes?" She looked up at him, and he looked down and noticed she was just wearing mismatched purple and black socks. "Do you want to go outside?"

"Not particularly."

"Then you're golden."

"Awesome."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Oh, and I wanna note now, I adore feedback. I'd be happy as a clam if you decide to comment on every chapter and tell me what you think. I wanna hear about it. So don't be shy! <3
> 
> Oh, and when Dean asks Cas if he knew any if that stuff about her dad? I realize Cas wasnt in the room, so Dean's assuming Cas heard the convo because of angelic hearing and all that.


	3. It's Enochian

  
  
Dean looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "What? I don't like shoes, okay?"  
  
He smirked. _Teenagers._ "Come on, I'll show you the kitchen first, and we'll go from there." He showed her through the kitchen, and the library, down to the storage area, the garage. Even the dungeon and the archives, then back up through all the many corridors there were. Madelynne was laughing, and cracking jokes about the things she'd seen on the show that had happened in various places. She seemed to have recovered from her panic attack, which Dean was glad for. He felt like such an asshole that he had caused it. The tour took almost an hour, and then Madelynne wanted to go back and explore the library. They found Sammy sitting at one of the tables on his laptop. Cas was behind him perusing a bookshelf but he looked up at them when they came closer.

"What's up, guys?" Dean asked. "Not much. I was just looking for a case. I might've found one in Wyoming."

"I am trying to find a dictionary." Dean rolled his eyes. A normal person would just Google the word they wanted to know, but not Cas. "It's over there, dude."  
  
He pointed to a shelf behind Cas. "So, what's the news?" Sam asked and Dean had no fucking idea what he was talking about. His expression must've said it all because Sam rolled his eyes and said, "Cas told me there was big news, but he said I should hear it from you, so what is it?" Dean glanced back at Cas, who looked at Maddie pointedly. _Oh._  
  
"Yeah, Maddie's going to be staying with us here at the bunker."  
  
  
  
Sam did his sturgeon face and he looked surprised. He looked over at Maddie, who was standing slightly behind him he noticed. "So you get to stay. That's awesome. Congratulations. We'd be happy to have you." Maddie bit her lip, which did weird things to Dean's insides, then she looked up at him and smiled. Dean felt that now familiar little jolt of something skip through his chest again. He smiled back down at her. When he looked up Cas was giving him an odd look. The one that said he was confused and wanted to ask a question. He prayed silently, _(Cas, don't say anything. We'll talk about it later if you want.)_

Cas arched an eyebrow at him but remained silent. Thank fuck. All he needed was that to be announced. "I get to stay." He heard Maddie whisper, and he assumed she hadn't meant to say it out loud, based on how she blushed when she looked up, but she didn't hide it this time. She smiled brightly, and Dean smiled back at her. He couldn't help it, it was infectious. "You get to stay." Sam looked over at Dean and said, "Should we celebrate?" Maddie sounded horrified. "What? No." Dean laughed. "Oh, we have to now. Ice cream and pie?"  
  
Cas asked, "Movie?"

"Oh, hell yeah."  
  
"This isn't necessary, guys."  
  
"We finally have an actual excuse to have fun. We're definitely not passing that up." Dean said. "Besides, now I can pig out on pie and they can't bitch at me for it."  
  
"We're still going to bitch at you for it."  
  
"Bitch."  
  
"Jerk."

A weird sound came from behind him and Dean turned around to look at Maddie. She was grinning like a maniac and actually laughing, she put a hand over her mouth. "What?" He and Sam spoke at the same time. "You guys actually do that. It's so cool to see it in person." Dean groaned. "Supernatural fans."  
  
Sam laughed, "You'll have to get used to it, now. At least she's not as bad as Becky."  
  
Dean pointed a finger at him. "You've got a good point there. So Cas, we've got some ice cream, but can you take care of the pie? Please?" Dean turned and gave him puppy dog eyes, which in his private opinion Sam was better at, but he'd never admit it out loud. Besides, it worked on Cas just fine. Cas rolled his eyes. "Fine. What kind of pie would you like?" Dean grabbed his chest in a fake-hurt overly dramatic gesture. "Do you even know me?"

Cas smiled, "Cherry, then?"   
  
"Duh." Cas looked over at Maddie. "Do you have a particular flavor of ice cream you like?" She looked like she wanted to say 'It's fine' like she had a habit of doing, but instead she said, "Mint chocolate chip. It's one of my favorites." Dean wondered what the rest of them were, then wondered why the hell he was wondering that. She was a teenager, for God's sake. Though, she really didn't seem like one. She was shy, yeah, but she spoke like an adult, and generally acted like one. She'd obviously been through some shitty stuff in her past. It kept making Dean forget that she was a kid. Why in the hell was he even thinking about whether or not she acts like a kid? Why does it matter? He really didn't know, and in the patented Winchester way, he shoved it on the back burner for now. He'd think about it later. He'd already missed Cas leaving, and Maddie was looking at him expectantly.  
  
"Did you say something?" She answered cheerily. "No. Sam said that if you didn't want to watch the Vow to get in there and pick a movie." Dean hadn't even realized they were alone again. Dean shook his head to clear the thoughts out. Maddie giggled. "What?"

"You look like a puppy shaking off water when you do that." He laughed. "Oh, yeah. I know." Dean was kind of looking at her, and he realized he'd been staring for a bit too long. "I should probably go pick out the movie so we don't end up watching Steel Magnolias or some shit. God, he's such a friggin girl." Sam's voice called from the living room. "I heard that, jerk!" They both chuckled at that, and Dean awkwardly ducked out of the library. He walked the length of the hallway before reaching the living room where Sam was looking through their movie cabinet. Without turning around Sam said, "Dude, so you got a thing for her or something?" Dean was shocked. "What? Why would you even think that?"

"Oh, I don't know, I mean, the fact that you took her on a tour of the bunker, and I've seen you smile more in the last five minutes than in the last month. Dude, what gives?"  
  
"Nothing gives, Sam, she's a teenager."  
  
"Yeah, and she's eighteen. And I've never seen you act like that with anyone. I'm not blind. Even Cas noticed, and you know he's not exactly the most observant." Sam turned around and looked at him with an eyebrow arched. Dean shoved a hand through his hair. "I don't know what you guys are seeing, but she's a kid. And I barely know her."

"You know her a lot better than I do. And you've barely left her alone since she got here."  
  
"Can you just drop it, Sam?"  
  
"Fine. But you know I'm right. Pick a good movie, no Will Ferrel. I'm going to see if Cas is back yet. I want ice cream." He rubbed his hands together like a vaudeville villain, and he walked out of the room back to the kitchen. "And we are not watching Star Wars again!" Dean ran his hand through his hair again. Fuck. He really didn't know if his brother was right or not, but it didn't matter. He couldn't have a thing for Maddie. Not only had he just met her, she was eighteen. Technically she was legal, but shit, she was still a kid. He couldn't think of her in any way outside of possible friendship. Maybe. He couldn't do that. He looked through the movies, trying to find one that would spark everyone's interest. Finally, he chose the Fifth Element. It had been forever since Sam and he had seen it. Cas hardly ever watched movies, and hopefully, Madelynne wouldn't mind. He got it out and stuck it in the DVD player, and let it go ahead and start playing the previews.

It would sit on the menu, and they could press play when they came back. He walked to the kitchen, where Sam was already eating his ice cream out of the pint container. He noticed there was a slice on a plate for him on the table. Maddie was standing in the corner, she had a plate with pie on it, and she was holding her fork between her lips with her eyes closed. Dean's mouth went dry and his cock gave an interested twitch in his boxers. Oh hell. No, nope, nope, nope. He couldn't think about her like that. Sam saw his face and looked over at Maddie and started smirking. Dean shot him a seething glare, and Sam raised his hands innocently. But Dean knew this wasn't over. He was going to hear about this later. Shit, he had to talk to Cas too. He'd really rather they just leave it alone, but he knew they wouldn't. Dean just picked up his pie and started eating. Cas suddenly appeared in the kitchen right behind Dean who was startled.   
  
"Shit, Cas!" He saw out of the corner of his eye how Maddie's eyes snapped open and she flinched away from the sound. He eyed her cautiously, but she looked alright. He guessed the noise had just broken her out of the little moment she was having. Thank fuck for that.

"Dude, I've told you not to do that."  
  
"My apologies, Dean."  
  
"Uh huh, yeah."

Cas brought out a duffle bag from behind his back that Dean hadn't previously seen. "What's that?" He pointed to it. "It's some of Madelynnes's things. I thought since she decided to stay she might want some of them." They all glanced at Maddie who was frozen in the corner watching them. She swallowed thickly.

"Please call me Maddie, Cas. Everyone does. And thanks for getting some of my stuff. I actually hadn't thought about it, but I do appreciate it. Sleeping in jeans is uncomfortable." She looked down at her jean clothed legs, and Dean's brain decided that was a good time to point out how nicely her legs, which were quite long, were shaped, and Jesus, what was wrong with him? "May I ask what you grabbed?" Maddie questioned Cas, who sat the duffle bag in a chair. "Some of your clothes, your laptop and it's charger, a black notebook, various art supplies, and many other things. Would I be correct in assuming you do not actually wish me to name them all?" Cas looked at her and smiled when he saw she was. "Ahh, no. Thanks, Cas. I appreciate it." Her smile fell a bit, "Umm, is there somewhere I should put everything?"

"You can have one of the rooms that are next to all ours. We've got plenty." Sam piped up. "Thanks, Sam. I guess I'll go do that now if it's alright?" She looked at all of them.  
"Yeah, it's fine," Sam said. "Go ahead. We'll start the movie when you get back." Maddie rinsed off her plate and fork before laying them in the sink, and she grabbed her duffle bag off the chair. It nearly dropped to the floor when she picked it up. "Jesus, Cas. What'd you put in here, bricks?"

"No. I didn't see any bricks, should I have? Why would you need bricks? Are you building something?" Cas tilted his head, and they all laughed. "She's saying it's heavy, Cas."  
  
"Oh, I understand. With bricks having such a dense mass they would be-"  
  
"Don't, Cas. We got it." Dean said. Maddie had started making her way gingerly around them all while carrying the heavy bag. "Do you want some help with that?" Dean asked her.  
  
"It's alright, I've got it."

He shook his head at her receding back and put his plate down on the table. He couldn't let her just try to carry that all through the bunker. She looked like she was struggling. "Here, let me get it." Dean grabbed the strap from her and hoisted it up over his arm and started walking towards the hallway. Wow, this thing actually was pretty heavy. He wondered what the hell Cas had put in here. He didn't have to look behind him to know Maddie was following, he could hear Sam laughing from the kitchen. When they started walking through the quiet hallways Dean expected Maddie to come walk beside him, but she didn't. She stayed behind him, and actually... Dean couldn't hear her. He turned around and Maddie walked right into him. "Whoa. I'm sorry!" Maddie hastily backed up from where she had been pressed up against his chest, her blush neatly in place. "Sorry. I didn't hear you behind me. You alright?"

"I'm fine. Sorry. I wasn't expecting you to do that. I'm a quiet walker, people never hear me. Especially when I'm barefoot. Possibly I should have mentioned that."  
  
"It's fine. Come on, let's go pick out your room." Dean turned around quickly and started walking again. He had to resist turning around to check to see if she was there. They reached the corridor where the bedrooms were and this time he turned and put himself against the wall, so she wouldn't run into him again. She looked at the hallway then looked up at Dean. "Umm..?" Dean gestured to the room across from where they were standing.

"That one is mine, and this one behind me is Sam's, and Cas's is right there." He pointed to the door right next to him. "Okay. Umm, is this one okay?" She walked over to the door that was next to Dean's bedroom and looked back hopefully. "Sure, that one's fine."  
  
He walked across the hall and she stepped back away from him as he pushed the door open. He stepped inside, and he didn't have to hear her to know Maddie followed this time. He sat the duffle bag on the bed and looked around. It wasn't much, but it was enough. It had an empty bookshelf, a dresser and a nightstand, a small closet, and the bed. He didn't know if she would need more furniture or not. She might even want a TV or something in here. Eh, they could see about it later. "It's not much." Dean turned around apologetically but stopped when he saw Maddie's face.

Her face was lit up and her eyes were bright. His heart did that weird skippy thing it did when she smiled, but he tried to ignore it. "Oh, it's perfect. Thank you, Dean." Suddenly he had a very happy female in his arms, with hers wrapped around his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and returned the hug. Suddenly she stiffened and back away quickly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean - I just got excited. I'm sorry." Her blush had returned, and Dean found it endearing that she blushed so easily around him. It was kind of cute. Then he cursed his brain when he realized what he had just thought. "It's alright. No big deal."  
  
In truth, it really wasn't. He had always been a person for hugs, and he was more touchy-feely than anybody knew. He liked random platonic touching but didn't often get the opportunity for it. "And you really don't have to thank me. This was the Men of Letter's and all that."

Maddie looked at him, eyes wide. "Yes, I do. You were nice to me. You carried the bag for me, and..." She looked down at the floor. "And you decided to let me stay here with you guys. Thank you, Dean." She looked up at him on the last part, and her big grey eyes done him in, it was just too much. "You're welcome. It'll be awesome having a new face around."  
  
He smiled at her, and her blush darkened, he noticed. But she nodded gratefully and walked over to the bed. She unzipped the duffle bag and started searching through the contents, putting things on the bed. She pulled out a thick sketchpad with charcoal marks on the front of the blue cover. "Oh, awesome. I'm glad he brought that." She laid it on the bed. "You draw?"

"Yeah. I've liked to sketch since I was a kid."  
  
"Do you have a forte?"

The blush, which had been going away, suddenly came back to its full brilliance, leaving her cheeks a bright pink. She stuttered on her words, which made him more suspicious. "P-people. I- I like to draw people."

"Can I look?" He drew his fingers across the sketchpad, and he saw Maddie watching him from the corner of her eye. She nodded mutely and he picked it up. "Just don't hate me." She said quietly. He drew his eyebrows down in confusion and said, "If you'd rather I don't look, I won't. I know some artists view their drawings as journals, almost. I'd understand if you didn't want me to see." She shivered at his words, probably unconsciously he thought. Her voice was quiet when she spoke, but she turned and looked at him. "It's alright. You can look. Just please don't judge me." He smiled, "I'm sure they're not that bad." He flipped open the sketchbook and gaped at the picture. It was his own face staring back up at him. He had a bit of a beard, it was done in charcoal, and the artwork was truly excellent, it looked like a damn picture. He glanced up at Maddie, who was searching his face for a reaction. For once, it wasn't sarcastic. " _Holy shit_... This is amazing, Maddie. Wow."

"Thanks." She spoke quietly as if she was afraid that if she spoke too loudly she would change his mind or something. He didn't say anything, but he turned the page and it was Cas's face looking back at him. He was wearing a big, brilliant smile and that one was really amazing too. He seemed to be outside, and he looked like he had basically just seen the love of his life, by how happy he looked. Whoa. "Jesus." He murmured and flipped the page. This time it was Sam's face on the paper. He gasped. The Sam in the picture looked really relaxed and had an easy smile on his face, his hair was flopping down by his ears. It looked like a black and white photograph from his younger days. "Holy shit."

"I'm sorry."

"Dude, you have no reason to apologize, these are awesome." He looked up at Maddie so she could tell he was being serious, then he started flipping through the pages. Him, Sam, and Cas kept appearing back at him, all in different positions with different expressions on their faces. The drawings were so good they almost looked real. They looked like photos. He flipped the next page up and it was the last page with a drawing on it. It was all three of them, they were in the Impala. Sam was riding shotgun, and Cas was in the back, leaning up to the front with his eyes on Dean. Dean was staring straight ahead at the road, and his eyes seemed to glint with steel, even though it was a drawing. Picture Sam's hair was falling in his face and his hand was on it's way up to push it out of the way. It was a very lifelike scene of when they traveled to and from hunts. Dean closed the sketchbook with a snap and handed it back to her. "Those are amazing, Maddie. Seriously."

"Thank you. I was afraid you'd be weirded out. Just so you know, I'm not completely creepy, I have other sketchbooks that are not in anyway related to you guys, quite a few, but for whatever reason Cas grabbed my Supernatural one. I do draw other things. Swear."

"No, it's fine. It took me by surprise at first, but those are really good, you should go to an art school, or something."

Maddie just shook her head and went back to unpacking. "Drawing is just a hobby, it's not what I want to do. But thank you. It means a lot to me that you think that."  
  
"That's more than a hobby, those should be hanging up somewhere or something."

She smiled but didn't say anything. Maddie started laughing. "That's why it was so heavy. Cas packed some of my books. Mostly hardbacks, no less." She started pulling out some out and laying them on the bed. He looked into the bag and the entire bottom was filled with stacked books. Jeez, Cas. He noticed she was holding a pair of pajama pants to her chest, they were a light pink, with Eeyores printed all over them. "Oh, sorry. I'll let you get dressed." He walked out the door and went to shut it behind him. "Hey, Dean?" He turned and looked back at her. "Would you mind waiting for me outside? I'm pretty sure I'll get lost trying to go back if I'm by myself." She looked at him sheepishly.

"Yeah, no problem. I'll wait out here."  
  
"Thanks." She smiled at him, and he returned it. When he was outside after he closed the door he leaned up against the wall and closed his eyes. What the hell was going on with him? Why was he acting like such an idiot around her? And she's a teenager for God's sake! He was seriously going to have to pay attention, something weird was going on. Maybe he did need to talk to Cas. The door opened and Maddie stepped out, she was wearing a tight blue t-shirt and the pink pajama bottoms. And she had brushed out her hair, he noticed. It was a medium brown color, that had kind of gold highlights, and it was long, about halfway down her back. It looked really soft and shiny. Shit. "Okay, you ready to go?"

"Yeah." They started walking down the hallway and Maddie turned to him. "Thanks for carrying my bag, and everything. I'm sorry you've had to lead me around, I'll try to memorize all these freaking corridors so I don't get lost."He smiled down at her. "It's fine, I really don't mind. Watching Sam eat ice cream is disgusting, and I'm fine with missing it."  
  
She chuckled. "I really wasn't paying attention." Yeah, I know, he thought. You were busy doing things with your fork between your lips that made me think of- Oh for Christ's sake. "So, what movie did you pick out?"

"The Fifth Element."

"Oh, awesome. I love that movie. You know, though... You guys really don't have to do any of this. The pie, and the movie night thing, and everything. It's not necessary."  
  
"We know it's not. But seriously, we never have an excuse to actually have fun and just relax. You're going to be staying with us now, and that's a perfect reason to celebrate. Sam and I hunt so much that we rarely have time for anything. We're actually planning on taking a break from it here soon."

"Oh, really? That's awesome."  
  
He chuckled. "Yeah. It is." They emerged out into the kitchen. There were empty grocery bags covered in condensation sitting on the kitchen table, but the kitchen was empty.  
  
"Your ice cream's in the freezer! You guys better get in here if you want to see the start of this movie. We pressed play already."  
  
"Bitch."  
  
"I heard that, jerk!"  
  
"You were supposed to," Dean mumbled as he got the ice cream out of the freezer.

 

~Maddie~

 

Maddie watched Dean's strong body moving around the kitchen as he got the ice cream out and the spoons out of the drawer. He was interesting to watch. For as big a guy as he was, he moved gracefully, and fairly silently. He moved like a dancer, she thought. He had been so kind earlier with her panic attack. Not just during it, but after. The aftermath could be just as traumatizing as the actual attack, but Dean had been great. She watched him move around as she thought this. Then, why am I watching him so intently? She really didn't know. She'd always had a celebrity crush on Jensen Ackles. Wait, this isn't Jensen, it's Dean. Better remember that. He handed her a tub of ice cream with a spoon on top of it and she thanked him as they headed to the living room. It was dark in there, the only light coming from the TV which was in fact already playing the movie. Sam had settled on one side of the couch, and Cas was in a chair, both of them were focused on the screen. Maddie wondered where she was supposed to sit. Dean decided it for her by sitting on the other end of the couch, leaving her to sit in the middle. She did, awkwardly. She'd always hated sitting in the middle.  
  
"I was wondering where you two lovebirds had gotten to." She felt the heat rise in her cheeks and she shot a dirty look at Sam who was looking at them, smirking.

 

~Dean~

 

"Shut up, Sam."  
  
"Why should I?"  
  
"Because if you don't I'm going to tie you to the bed and I will shave off all your Ken doll hair."  
  
"Jeez Dean, I was joking you jerk."  
  
"You're gettin' sassy, Sammy. Is it that time of the month again?"  
  
"Oh my God, dude, shut up."  
  
"Jeez, so sensitive now."  
  
"Sam, stop teasing them. You're being rude. So are you, Dean. Let's watch the movie" Cas spoke up from his chair while giving Dean a warning look.  
  
"Fine, fine." Dean just smirked at them and turned back to the TV. He had successfully gotten the heat of them.

 

~Maddie~

 

Maddie opened her tub of ice cream and leaned forward to sit the lid on the coffee table. When she sat backward her back brushed Dean's arm. "Oh, sorry." She had accidentally leaned back at an angle and ended up brushing against Dean. Fuck. "It's fine," Dean assured her, but when she looked up at him, something was kind of off. His face looked tight around his eyes if that made any sense. She decided to just ignore it and focus on the movie. The priest was already yelling at the aliens that he would pass the knowledge on until their return. She'd always loved this movie. She started eating her ice cream. It was deliciously cold, and the chocolate chunks were awesome. She was halfway through the pint size container when she started feeling tired. She didn't know why. It had only been a few hours since she woke up. As time went on, she kept getting sleepier and sleepier, she was having a hard time keeping her eyes open. Dean was really warm on her right, and she was actually a little cold in her t-shirt. Without even realizing it she had already moved and was leaning up against him. She was really too tired to care, and Dean didn't say anything. She felt his warmth envelope her, and a spicy scent and the last thing she remembered was thinking that smelled really nice.

 

~Dean~

 

Dean was focusing on the movie when he felt something soft brush against his arm. He looked down, it was Maddie's hair. She was leaning over towards him with her eyes half closed. He didn't stop her, but he tried to just keep watching the movie. A few minutes later her head was leaning against his arm, and he heard her sigh softly. He looked down at her and her eyes were closed, lashes laying against her cheeks. Her mouth was open slightly, and her pink lips were really pretty, he noticed. Shit. He wasn't supposed to be noticing things like that on her. To the best of his ability, he turned his attention back to the movie. As it was playing the sex scene between Bruce Willis and Milla Jovovich he looked back down at Maddie. She had one of her hands snaked around his arm, and her head was leaning against his shoulder. She was breathing slowly, and he figured she was asleep. When he looked up Sam looked over at him and seeing how Maddie was curled into him, he smirked. He raised his eyebrow in the "I told you so" look, and Dean gave him a 'Go to Hell' look which made Sam chuckle. The noise alerted Cas and he looked up at them. When he saw Maddie he just gave a small smile. Dean gently eased the half-empty container of mostly melted ice cream, with the spoon sitting in it, from Maddie's fingers and sat it on the arm of the couch. He went to try to pull out of her grasp, but she tightened her grip and snuggled closer to him in her sleep. He shot a panicked look at Sam who was just laughing.

Cas spoke quietly, "Would you like me to take her to her room, Dean?" Dean looked down at Maddie. She was actually really cute, the way she was curled around him and all. "I think I got it. You want to grab the door though?" Dean took his other hand and carefully pried Maddie's fingers off his arm. She hummed softly at the loss. Dean looked at her carefully, trying to judge if she was awake or not. "She's very much asleep, Dean. She seemed very tired during the movie. The journey we took is draining for a human, probably more so than she realized." After getting her fingers off his arm he stood, but stayed bent at the waist, he already knew how he was going to do this. He pushed his right hand under Maddie's knees and maneuvered his left hand behind her shoulders. When he was in place, he stood up. He was holding Maddie bridal style. She made a soft sound at the disturbance but curled into Dean's chest, her soft lips not even an inch away from where his anti-possession tattoo was sitting under his shirt.

He tried to ignore that thought. And he definitely ignored the leers Sam was throwing his way. He was really going to have to say something about that, it wasn't right, Maddie was a kid. In reply, his brain happily piped up, not technically, she's eighteen. He really needed to get his mind off of that subject. He started carrying her through the living room, then into the hallway. The trip to the bedrooms seemed longer than usual, if only because he was in such close proximity to Maddie. She wasn't heavy, she was heavier than he thought she'd be, but it wasn't a problem for him. He was pretty strong. Years of fighting demons, and slinging people into walls paid off in that way at least. Cas stepped in front of him when they reached the door and opened it. Dean followed him into the darkened bedroom.

"Her things are all over her bed, would you like me to remove them?"  
"Yeah, that'd be great." Cas waved at hand at the bed and suddenly the duffle bag was sitting on the floor in front of the closet. Dean walked over to the bed, and the covers pulled back. Cas had grabbed them. "Thanks."Dean bent at the waist and laid Maddie gently on the bed. He gasped when he felt soft fingers running down his throat. Maddie had curled her hand around the collar of his shirt and was holding on. Ahh, man. Why did that gesture have to be so adorable? She looked so vulnerable when she was sleeping. Cas cleared his throat behind him, and he knew it was a prompt to get him to get Maddie to let go, angels didn't need to clear their throat. Dean gently wrapped his fingers around Maddie's hand and pulled his shirt out of her grasp, and he laid her arm down next to her. He pulled her glasses gently off her face and placed them on the nightstand, pulled the blanket up over her shoulders, and he and Cas left the room. Just as he expected, Cas started talking as soon as they closed the door. "Dean, what was that earlier?"

They started walking down the hallway. "What, specifically?" He was avoiding the question. Cas was looking at him quizzically.

"I heard your heart quite literally skip a beat. That is not normal for a human. Is it a medical problem I am unaware of? I could fix it."  
"Yeah, I really don't know Cas."  
"Do you know what causes it?"  
Dean stopped walking and turned to look at Cas. "Cas, if I tell you, I need you to promise you won't tell another soul, not even Sam."  
Cas dropped into his serious mode, his face becoming blank. "You know I don't like keeping secrets, Dean. It only ever gets us in trouble in the end."  
"This isn't anything dramatic, or that's going to put anybody in danger, I just don't want Sam to know."  
"Alright. I agree to your terms, I will tell no one of the reason you give me."  
"It only skips a beat when she smiles at me," Dean mumbled it nearly inaudibly but Cas gasped and Dean knew he heard.

"You are being serious? This is not a joke?"  
"No. Kinda wish it was." Dean looked up at Cas, who looked sad, but then he smiled. The guy looked really happy. Too happy.  
"Why do you look like someone just gave you the best Christmas present ever?"  
"It seems I made a very good choice in bringing Madelynne here."  
"Why do you say that?" Dean was suspicious, Cas was smiling brightly, and something had him really happy.  
"Have you ever heard of soul sparks?"  
"No. What is that?"

"It's similar to soul mates, in fact, that's where humans got the idea of it. But a soul spark is, essentially, when two souls meet on the physical plane and recognize each other in the spiritual sense. Each soul has a few other souls that they resonate with and one true mate. Soul sparks are what happens when two souls resonate with each other. I don't know if your souls are mated, but it appears that yours and Madelynne's souls resonate. Seeing her smile is apparently the trigger, but your heart skips a beat because your soul is sending a surge of energy through your body. Hence the name, soul sparks."

Dean was staring, he knew he was staring, but he just couldn't quite stop. Soul sparks, resonating, soul mates. Jesus. What the fuck? He didn't want a soul mate. He kind of had his eye on a certain angel, not that that was going to happen. Fuck, off those thoughts, now. "Is it like that for her too?"  
"Her soul will manifest it's connection to yours in different ways, but I would have to say yes. That would explain her seemingly deep attachment to you." Cas pointed to Dean's rumpled shirt where she had grabbed it, and Dean nodded mutely. "Umm, is there any way to figure out if our souls are..." He had to force out the word, "Mates, or if we just resonate?"

"Yes, it's a simple spell, but Madelynne would have to understand what we are doing for her to participate. I don't think we will need Sam though, so your secret could stay safe."  
"I, uh, I'll think about it. Dude, why are you so happy about this?"  
"Because, Dean, you and she have led lives that have left both of you wanting. Entirely different circumstances, of course, but neither of you are happy. I know you wish you had someone, Dean. I pick up on that, among other things. And I know that Madelynne, well... She hadn't had an easy life, by any means. If I know two souls that deserve to be happy it's yours and hers. Really, Dean, you should consider this serendipity, and very much a good thing. You two could be happy. If your souls are mated, you would both benefit from that connection."

"She's still a kid, Cas."  
"Her soul is much older than her current body if it makes you feel any better."  
"It doesn't. Jesus, I'm how many years older than her?"  
"Physical age has no effect on soul sparks."

"I get that, Cas, but it still wouldn't be right."  
"Why not? I don't understand. Would you let her physical age disrupt your chance at happiness? Her chance at happiness?"  
"Well, when you put it like that it kind of makes me sound like an asshole, but you don't understand. She's years younger than me."  
"Which has nothing to do with the way your souls resonate. If they're mates, your body will yearn for connection, just as your soul will, I don't think you'll fare well if you resist it."  
"Dude, do you not get how creepy that is?"

"Even I know the various laws and ways of your society, she is of legal age, Dean."  
"It's still creepy to think about. I feel like slime doing it."  
"You shouldn't. She is of age." Ugh. Dean could not even think about this right now. He was tired, and he'd never gotten his shower. They could fuck with all this later. Much, much later. Like a decade or two.

"Uh huh, well as much as I'm loving this conversation, there's still pie in the fridge, and it's calling my name." Dean jerked his thumb back towards the kitchen. "So, I'm going to do that." A few hours later, Sam and Dean were sitting at one of the tables in the library, both on their laptops, looking for a hunt. Cas had gone off to see about some spell ingredients they needed. Dean thought he'd said he would be in Australia. Dean had finally gotten his shower, and his headache had eased off with the pounding of the hot water.

"I might've found a salt and burn about an hour and a half away. It looks pretty typical. Bunch of murders, same house, same m.o. Nobody sees anything. A girl swore to the police that her boyfriend was held up in mid-air, suspended by nothing when he was killed."  
"Okay. Do you want me to research it, or do you want to?"  
"I'll do it. This one looks pretty cut and dry."

Dean was about to make a sarcastic comment on that when they heard a blood-chilling scream coming from the bedrooms. "Maddie." They said at the same time, and Dean was already vaulting over the table, gun drawn, following Sam who was running towards the noise, his pistol in hand. They quickly made their way towards the bedroom, being careful, in case something had somehow gotten in, but they didn't find anything. When they got to Maddie's door, they heard whimpers from inside, and panic started shooting its way through Dean's battle calm. Sam turned the handle, and swung the door open, and flipped the light switch, illuminating the room, only to find nothing. Maddie was on the bed, she was jerking and turning, making pained little whimpers. Her eyes were open, but she appeared to be asleep. Tears had tracked a course down her face, and seeing that she was safe did nothing to alleviate the panic running through him. They heard the rustling/flapping sound of approaching wings, and Cas appeared next to them.

"It's a nightmare, I believe. We should wake her." Cas went over to her and went to put his hand on her shoulder but he stopped midway through the motion. "One of you get some paper. Quickly."Dean didn't even ask why, he grabbed Maddie's sketchbook out of her duffle bag and flipped it to a new page, and handed it to Cas. Cas grabbed Maddie's wrist, which had blood on it he noticed, and sat it on the paper. Maddie quickly started moving her arm jerkily, her eyes still far away, not seeing anything. "Cas, what's going on?" Dean asked. Cas didn't look up from what he was doing, just continued staring. "She's writing in Enochian, Dean. This isn't a normal nightmare."

"What is it then?" Cas looked worried, and it was making Dean panic more. He felt helpless. "I don't know. It could be any number of things, but I won't know until she wakes up. Which will be soon I think. Dean, come here." Dean didn't question it, he just walked over to the opposite side of the bed, as Cas indicated. "Put your hand on her forehead. Palm down." Dean did it, and Maddie immediately calmed down. Her whimpers quieted and her body stopped jerking across the bed. He looked at the paper Cas was still holding up. It was almost covered in bloody symbols, some he recognized, some he didn't. "I think it's almost over. She seems to be slowing." He was right. Maddie's right hand, which was in the air and traveling across the paper, had slowed considerably. Her thumb traced one more line downwards, then her hand dropped back to the bed.

Her eyes cleared immediately, they were full of tears, and she sat up quickly, surprising everyone. She looked around the room like a frightened animal and scrambled backward until her back was against the headboard, and she drew her knees up to her chest. She wrapped her arms around them and started rocking back and forth, sobbing quietly. "Dean, it's the start of another panic attack. You should do what you did earlier." Dean didn't hesitate, he climbed on the bed and sat next to Maddie, as well as he could anyway, and drew her to him. She fought it at first, and her fist connected to his jaw. His eyes watered with the pain, the girl could throw a damn good punch, but he didn't stop. He circled his right arm around her shoulders and pulled her into his chest. He felt her take a deep breath, her body shaking against him, and she calmed down some. He wrapped his left arm around her too, and he hugged her tightly. She was sobbing, but she had grabbed fistfuls of his shirt and was trying to calm down. "Just breathe, Maddie. It's alright. You're safe."

She whimpered, and he winced. That sound killed a little piece of him every time he heard it. He said fuck it and hauled her gently over in front of him. She was in between his legs, but she was on the mattress. He squeezed his arms around Maddie and shushed her, rocking his body back and forth. It seemed to help. She quieted, and he thought she might've stopped crying. He didn't stop though, he didn't want to risk it. After a few minutes, he looked up. Sam was looking at him curiously, and Cas was staring intently at the bloody piece of paper in the sketchbook. Dean quickly looked back down at Maddie when she started whispering. "D-Dean? Sorry, Dean. Didn't mean to, didn't mean to fight. Sorry. I'm sorry. Didn't mean to." Her voice was quaking, and it was filled with pain. He couldn't stand it. He hugged her tightly to him."Shh, shh, it's okay, Maddie. It's alright."

"P-Please don't be mad. I didn't mean to. I'm s-sorry. D-don't be mad at me."  
She pressed her face into his shirt and he tightened his arms around her and pressed his face into her hair. "It's alright, Maddie I'm not mad. I promise I'm not mad. It's okay. Shhh. Just calm down. It's alright." He murmured encouragement to her, and slowly she stopped shaking. Gradually she stilled in his arms, and he could hear her taking shaky breaths. "Is she alright?" Sam asked. His voice was weirdly quiet, like respectful, or something. Dean glanced up at him, he had honestly forgotten he was still in the room. Both Cas and Sam were looking at him."She'll be alright in a minute." Sam just nodded, like that answered all his questions. Cas was looking at him with an odd expression that he couldn't place. He'd have to ask him later. As he was thinking that, Maddie raised her head slowly from where she'd tucked it into his shirt. Her eyes and her nose were bright red, but her cheeks were pale, and he didn't know if that was a good sign or not. Her cheeks were tear-stained, but her eyes looked dry now, which was good. "What happened?"

She asked and glanced around the room, her eyes finding Cas and Sam. "I - I don't remember. I only remember it hurt, and the pain was -" She winced. "The pain was burning, in my head. It felt like I was on fire."

"Me and Sam were in the library and you started screaming. We busted in here, but it was just you on the bed, you were jumping and turning like the chick from the Exorcist. Then Cas showed up." Absentmindedly he rubbed his thumb back and forth across her shoulder blade. "I thought you were having a nightmare, but then I noticed you were tracing symbols with your thumb, which I believe you have bitten. We got paper, and you began tracing symbols on it." Cas held the paper out to her and she unballed her fists from Dean's shirt to take it. It shook slightly when she grabbed it because her hands were shaking, he noted. Maddie's eyebrows drew together. "I drew this?" She looked up at them and they all nodded. She handed the paper back to Cas. "What language is that?"

"It's Enochian."  
"Are you serious?"  
"Yes, of course."  
"He's always serious." Sam muttered as he settled himself on the bottom of the bed.  
"Umm... I don't know Enochian. How was I drawing it? And what did I say?"  
"I don't know how you drew it, there are a few different things it could be, but what you wrote. Well, it appears to be a prophecy. It reads almost like a news report.

Earthquake in San Francisco kills three hundred. Hundreds wounded. Not detected beforehand, unknown cause. October." Everyone was shell-shocked and silent.  
"Maddie, have you ever had prophetic dreams?" She gasped.

"Yeah... I haven't for several months now, but I used to pretty often. How did you know that?"

"It was a hunch. Whatever abilities you had in your previous dimension, they've been increased ten-fold here. When you were asleep, I'm guessing you started seeing it, but it was too powerful for you to process so you had to get it out. By means of writing apparently. May I see your hand?" Cas held his hand out and Maddie let him take hers. "Ahh, that's what I thought. You bit your thumb hard enough to make it bleed, and you started tracing symbols on the bedspread. See?" He picked up the blanket and showed him the bloody smear on it. Sam spoke up, "So an earthquake in San Francisco in October. And it wasn't detected by seismographs. Sounds demonic to me." Of course, Sam would know what those machines were called. Damn brainiac, but Dean'd be lying if he said he wasn't proud of him for it.

"Yes, it does. We'll have to look into it. But we can talk about it more in the morning. Maddie is tired. As I'm sure you are as well." Sam nodded his agreement, and Dean realized that he still had his arms around Maddie. He dropped them and she looked up at him. Her eyes widened when she looked at his jaw. "Oh my God, Dean, I'm so sorry." Her fingers traced along his jaw, eyes wide. His breath caught and he had to strain to not lean into the feather-light touch. "What're you talking about?"

"Probably that fist-sized purple bruise you're sporting there, Dean. She throws a good punch." Sam looked impressed and he winked at Maddie, who began to blush.  
"Thanks, I think. She removed her fingers from his jaw quickly and looked back up at him. "I really am sorry, Dean. I wasn't trying to hurt you, I just - kind of lashed out, I guess."  
"It's fine."

Suddenly Cas had his fingers on Dean's temples, as well as Maddie's, and Dean felt healing grace flowing through him. He looked up quickly when Cas gasped. Maddie glanced up too, confused. Cas looked fine, his face didn't betray anything, but he had never done that before. He removed his fingers. "Is something wrong, Cas?"  
"No. Everything's fine."  
"But then why did you-"  
"We'll discuss it later, Dean. In the morning. You should all get to bed, it's late." Sam yawned and stood. "Amen to that. " He walked over to the door and bid everyone goodnight before heading to his room, then turning around and addressing Maddie. "Are you going to be alright tonight?" She nodded and gave him a small smile. "I'm sure I'll be fine. Hopefully, that won't happen again. I'm pretty tired." To prove that, she stifled a yawn with her hand. Dean thought she looked cute like that. "I 'm sure you can use Dean there for a pillow. He won't mind. The most action he's gotten in months." Sam snickered. Maddie blushed crimson and quickly scrambled away. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was sitting like that."

Sam started chortling. "Dude, you had a girl on your lap and she forgot she was there. You're so gay." Dean shot him a dark look and was about to open his mouth to say something when Maddie looked over at him, "Shut up, Sam." His eyes popped comically wide, and he looked over at her like he was assessing her. "Wow. Wasn't expecting that. Cool. Goodnight, guys." He laughed and went to his room.

 

~Castiel~

 

Castiel watched with a small smile as Sam said goodnight and went across the hall. He looked back at the bed, where Dean was being unusually quiet. Maddie yawned again, and Castiel took that as a small sign that he needed to move things along. "Dean? I think it's time we let Maddie get to bed now." Dean seemed to shake himself and he stood. "Oh, yeah, sorry. Zoned out." He gestured to his head, and Maddie smiled understandably at him. Castiel once again heard Dean's heart beat irregularly. He needed to address that. He had new information now, but he wasn't quite sure if Dean was going to like it or not. "Good night, Maddie. Sleep well." Castiel began to walk out the door when Maddie called from behind them, "Good night, Cas. Thanks, by the way. And hey Dean? Can I talk to you for a minute? Umm... alone?" Castiel looked back at Dean who was standing there numbly. Castiel raised his eyebrows at him, and Dean said, "Yeah, sure. I'll be out in a minute, Cas." Castiel nodded and made his way outside, he shut the door behind him.

 

~Maddie~

 

Madelynne kneeled on the end of her bed and watched Dean as he made his way back across the room. He looked uncomfortable, and she wondered if it was because something she had done. He sat on the edge of the bed and looked over at her. "So, what's up?" She almost winced, she could feel all her courage drying up, but she needed to say something. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable earlier. Umm, pretty much in your lap and all. I'm actually not sure how I got there, but I hope I didn't do anything wrong."

"No, it's fine. I actually moved you. I thought it would help."  
That made her pause, and for the first time, she wondered how she had gotten from the couch to her bed. "Uhh, Dean?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Sorry, the thought just struck me. How did I get in here? I was on the couch, I remember."  
He grinned at her sheepishly. "I carried you."

She felt her face pale, and then heat again. She hated blushing all the damn time. "I'm sorry. You didn't have to do that. You could have woken me up."  
"Cas said that dimension switching is draining on humans, you were pretty out of it."

"Oh." She felt her cheeks heat up even more, and she was sure she was crimson by now. Fuck. "Thanks, Dean. You saved me. Again. I really am sorry I punched you in the jaw. Reflex, I guess. Are you alright?" He smiled at her, and Maddie felt her insides turn to jelly, and her fingers ached for a pencil so she could capture that smile on paper. "It's fine, Maddie. I get it. And as far as it goes, I don't mind saving you. I'm available anytime you need me." He winked.

She had to take a deep breath in order to calm down after he said that, but she chuckled at him. Her stomach was all fluttery, and she really wished she knew what was going on. Dean stood up then and took a few steps and stopped, now he was pretty much beside her. "I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable earlier, either, Maddie. I was just trying to calm you down." She looked up at him, into those green eyes, and she smiled. "You didn't, Dean. It's actually really appreciated. You make the panic attacks not so bad." Oh my God, why did she say that? Why? Dean just gave her a small smile. On impulse, Maddie pushed herself up on her knees and hugged him again. She was normally very uncomfortable with physical contact, but that didn't appear to apply to Dean for some reason. He was really warm, he smelled of pine needles and leather and... and her shampoo, she realized. Strawberries. Oh boy. His arms circled her shoulders and she felt some unknown tension within herself dissipate and she relaxed against him. "Thank you. For everything."

"You're welcome." He said gruffly, and reluctantly she let him go. "Uh, I'll be next door if you need me. And Sam and Cas are just on the other side of the hallway. If you need us just give a shout, okay?" He was walking towards the door. "You've got it. I'm going to try to go to sleep now. Good night, Dean."  
"Night." The last thing she saw before he turned out the light was him smiling. It made her feel warm and tingly inside, kind of like what Cas's grace did to her. She shifted up to the top of the bed, and snuggled into her pillow and pulled the blanket over her shoulder. She took a deep calming breath and realized something awesome. Her pillow smelled like Dean. It sent her into a deep, dreamless sleep.

 

~Dean~

 

Dean closed the door behind him and took a deep breath. Jesus. He opened his eyes to find Cas was leaning up against the door to his bedroom. "We need to talk, Dean." He just sighed, he was tired. It had been a long day for everyone. "What is it, Cas?"  
"Mates, Dean. Soul mates. I felt it when I was healing you both. I was surprised, but at least now we don't have to do the spell." Dean rubbed his hands over his tired eyes. Jesus Christ... "Alright, what does that mean exactly?"  
"In the simplest of definitions, you and Madelynne are supposed to be together. Your souls are tied together, and they crave a connection to the other. Your body will react to that. I imagine it's hard for you to be standing there right now, isn't it?" Dean thought about for a second. He would rather be in there, close to Maddie. "Oh hell."

"I thought so. When I asked you to put your hand on her forehead earlier I was testing a theory. The fact that she calmed down when you touched her is just another sign. There's no doubt in my mind that your souls are mates."

Dean rubbed the back of his neck absently. He was way too tired to process all this. "Alright, Cas. I need to think about this, but I'm about to drop right now."

"Yes, of course, Dean. If all is well here, I'm going to go find the rest of the ingredients we need to fill the stores again."  
"'Kay. Wait. How'd you know to show up when you did, anyway?"  
"I felt your panic. We're bonded, Dean. I felt that something was wrong, and I came back here."  
"Oh. Right. Okay. G'night Cas. I'll see you in the morning."

"Good night, Dean." The rustling sound of his wings was only heard for a second, and then Cas was gone. Dean walked the few steps it took to get to his room, opened and closed the door behind him, stripped off his jeans and flannel, and fell into bed. He was suddenly just exhausted and he needed sleep. He tried really hard not to think about how Maddie's hair had smelled like strawberries, and that she had been warm and felt nice in his arms. He tried not to think about a certain angel who had big blue 'I see your soul and it's beautiful' eyes. He tried not to think about long brown hair, which was very soft, and short black hair that looked silky. He tried. But it didn't work. His mind kept replaying it, and he fell asleep with a smile on his face.


	4. He'd Been Having the Nicest Dream

~Maddie~  
~September 8th~

 

Maddie woke up not to sunshine and screaming children, but to darkness and blessed silence. She stretched on the bed, and the feeling was fantastic. It was so soft. Not like the floor at home. Her thoughts immediately darkened but she refused to let them stay there. She yawned and turned over on her side, the movement sending up a waft of scent from her pillow. Dean. Oh lordy. The smell made her feel safe, and she loved the scent, but it did funny things to her heart, which was beating faster now. She rolled over on her stomach and inhaled deeply. Oh, that was awesome. Probably the best way to start the day, ever. Well, maybe not the best, but it was definitely in the top three. She was trying to decide if she should get up yet or not. She didn't even know what time it was. And she didn't have her phone with her. That hadn't been packed into her bag, which actually made sense. 

This was an alternate world, it'd be a little weird for someone to try to track her cellphone from the other dimension. She wondered what they'd find. That was probably why Cas left it. Or maybe he hadn't seen it. It doesn't really matter. She decided to get up, finally, when a pressing need from her bladder prompted her. It was a little chilly outside the blanket, so she grabbed her grey sweat shirt and slipped it on, but rolled it up to the elbows. Took her birth control pill, slipped on her glasses, made sure all seven of her earrings were in her ears, they had a tendency to fall out, but they were all there. Good. Comfortable now, she stepped out into the hallway. She had to squint her eyes, because it was brightly lit, and she wondered if it was always like that. She looked left and right and sighed. Oh man. Where was the bathroom in this maze? She'd only visited it once yesterday, and she honestly had no idea where it was now. She didn't know what time it was, so she didn't know if anyone should be awake or not. 

 

She really didn't want to disturb anyone's rest if they were asleep. She had caused enough trouble yesterday. Ugh. She didn't even want to think about that. She decided to try to make her way to the kitchen and see if anyone was awake. If they were, she'd ask for directions, as ludicrous as that sounded. If they weren't, well, she'd deal with it then. Walking down the hallway she paid a little more attention than she did yesterday. She had been distracted by Dean for the majority of yesterday. She started taking turns, the ones that felt right, and... Aha! Yes! She entered the living room with a little happy dance. She looked around. The light in here was dim at best. No one was in here though, and there was no noise coming from the kitchen, but she walked in there next anyway. Nope. No people. Okay. She looked at the clock and saw why. It was a little after six in the morning. 

They probably wouldn't get up for at least another two hours or so, she figured. Let's see... from here, the bathroom should be... She decided to try to find it on her own since it was so early and she didn't want to wake anyone. She made a couple of turns off the kitchen, and walked down a long hallway, and hallelujah, behold the bathroom! Yes! She had never been so excited to pee in her life. She did that, then looked in the mirror at her reflection. Her eyes were a dark blue today, and her hair was kind of messy. She hadn't brought her brush, but she had a hair bow tied to one of her many bracelets, and she took that off and bent at the waist, assembling a messy bun of sorts on top of her head. She had a plan for this morning and needed her hair out of the way. She was humming as she made her way back to her bedroom. She opened the duffle bag and pulled out her laptop. 

She opened it and turned it on to make sure it was charged. It was fully charged, and that was great. She brought it out with her as she made her way back to the kitchen. It took her a couple of minutes to find the light switch, but she did and she set up her laptop on the table where it's out of the way. She checked the refrigerator. Yes! They had eggs and milk, both of which she'd need. She got them out and put them on the counter by the stove. She opened her music app and picked one of her playlists. It was the one with a bunch of random music on it that kind of suited her mood right now. The majority of it was upbeat and happy, and that would work perfectly. The first song that started playing was Count On Me by Bruno Mars. She sang to it softly as she hunted the kitchen for the rest of her ingredients. 

It took her a good twenty minutes to find everything she needed, and she finally had it all lined up on the counter. Vanilla, eggs, sugar, cinnamon, milk, flour, and a big mixing bowl with a whisk sitting in it. She found a nice square frying pan too, which she sat on the stove. And she hunted in the drawers until she found a spatula. Now Listen by Collective Soul was playing and she sang along to that too as she started pouring ingredients into the bowl, without measuring them, she didn't need to. She was mixing them all together and bobbing her head to the music. She had the pan with a little vegetable oil in it heating on the stove, when she heard a noise from behind her. She turned around quickly and relaxed when she saw Dean standing in the doorway, wearing a white tank top and some low slung pajama bottoms. His hair was mussed, and his eyes half closed. He looked hot. And unattainable. "Good morning, Dean."

He rubbed a hand across his eyes and shuffled to the fridge. "Mmm, morning. Whatcha doing?" He got out a carton of orange juice and got a cup from the cupboard. "I'm making pancakes. I hope that's okay." She was suddenly a little worried. She hadn't asked if she could use anything, hopefully, they'd forgive her, since she was making them breakfast. "S'fine. Nobody's generally out here this early." He put the orange juice back in the fridge and sat down at the table. He took a sip and sighed. "I woke up early, and I thought I'd make you guys breakfast as a thank you for everything. I'm sorry if I'm bothering you."  
"No. You're good. Just not totally awake yet."

She giggled. "Should I play Heat of the Moment for you?"  
He chuckled. "Nh, I'm good, thanks."  
She laughed and turned back to the stove, where her pan should be plenty hot now. She ran her hand under the faucet for a second, then flicked her fingers at the pan. 

The water sizzled and evaporated. Good.  
"Why'd you do that?"  
"If the water evaporates in the pan instantly, it's hot enough to start pouring the batter in. I was checking."  
"Oh. I've never done that."

"Yeah, everybody cooks differently. My mom didn't do it that way either. That's just my way." Madelynne stiffened. Fuck. She hadn't meant to casually mention her mom like that. It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. She chanted to herself. Nobody's going to get mad at you for it here.  
"What was her name?"  
Madelynne turned around and eyed him as she debated why he would ask. "Stacy."  
"That's a nice name." Maddie nodded.  
"Not that I mind you asking, but why did you ask? I'm just wondering."  
"Well, you know pretty much everything about us, because of the show. And I don't know a whole lot about you. Sorry if it bothered you."  
She shook her head, but didn't turn around, she was pouring batter into the pan now. "No, it's fine. I just have a curious streak about nine miles wide, and wanted to know. I ask a lot of questions. People find it annoying." Maddie sighed to herself. "I also talk too much, and say stupid things."

Dean laughed behind her. "Nah, you're fine. And just for the record, most questions are okay. They only really annoy me when they're coming from Sam."  
"Well, we'll see about that. While we're on the subject, you can ask more if you have them."  
"Okay. What's your middle name?"  
"It's LeAnn. Capital A. That was my mom's work. Her middle name was Ann, just like her mom's and her grandma's, but she decided to change mine a little bit, but she still kept the tradition up."  
"That's kind of sweet." The statement sounded sincere, and it made Maddie smile sadly. She missed her mom. "You wanna play twenty questions? Quid pro quo?"  
"Uh, alright."

"Rules of the game, you can't back out of a question, and you have to answer honestly. 'Kay?"  
"I'm guessing you like this game?"  
"Oh yeah. Curiosity streak, remember? I used to play it with my friend when I was in the seventh grade all the time. Still do occasionally, actually. Anyway, the person who suggests the game usually gets the first question, but since you're at such a disadvantage with information, I'll give you a freebie."

He chuckled behind her and she had to resist the urge to turn and look. "Alright. What's your favorite color?"  
"Royal purple today. What's yours?"  
"Blue. Today?"

"I can't ever settle on a favorite anything. Not colors, songs, anything. So today it's purple, but tomorrow I might be feeling a bright yellow or something. Why is your favorite color blue?"

"When I was a kid two of my favorite things were jeans and the sky. Those were both things I liked a lot, and I guess that never changed. What's your favorite song? Today."

She laughed, and started putting her pancakes on the plate beside her and got prepared to pour more batter. This was a side of Dean she'd never seen on the show. "Today? Hmm... Probably Follow Me by Uncle Kracker. Do you like pancakes? Cause there's some done over here."  
He laughed. "Yeah, I like pancakes. Why Follow Me?" Dean got up and grabbed a plate from the cupboard and grabbed three pancakes off the finished plate. "Hmm, how to phrase that? It's been a favorite song of mine for years, ever since I was a kid because it makes me think of my brother. It was one of the songs we always used to sing together. I'm not sure why I picked it today, but that's as close an answer I can give. Why do you ask complicated questions?" Dean was getting syrup out of the fridge to pour on his pancakes, and he chuckled as he poured it all over them. "I don't do it on purpose, but I might start. You're funny. Who was the friend you played this game with?"

"Even that one is a complicated question. Back then her name was Will. She goes by Danielle now, if you're catching my drift."  
"Oh." He started chuckling. "Right, okay. You still have to ask me a question."  
"Alright, if you could have any kind of pet, what would it be? Be specific. I know you don't like cats and dogs really."  
"Probably an Iguana. Am I allowed to throw the same question back at you?"

"Yep."  
"Okay, ditto, then."  
"A Caucasian Mountain Dog. Have you ever seen one?"  
"Nope. Why do you want one of those?"  
"Because they're amazing! Here.." She got the third batch of pancakes out and stuck them on the plate before turning around and grabbing her laptop. She clicked open her pictures folder, found the one titled Random, and hunted down the pictures of the dog she had downloaded. This one was perfect. It was a picture of one of the dogs sitting next to a human who was standing up. The dog's head was level with the guy's neck. She turned it around and Dean's eyes widened. "Holy shit. That's not a dog that's a bear. That thing would run you over."

"Oh, I love big dogs, I don't mind. They're beautiful animals, I'd love to have one, if only because it could be taller than me."

"What would you even name a dog like that?"  
She laughed. "I don't know. Zeus, Cerberus, Goliath, Chaos. I'm sure I'd think of something."  
He smiled and she turned around to get back to her pancakes. She started pouring batter into the pan again.

"Alright, I believe it's my turn to ask a question. Hmm... Do you dance?" She froze. The question surprised her, she had thought yesterday that he moved like a dancer, but she hadn't expected that question to fall off her tongue. She was going to cut the traitorous thing out one of these days. She stiffly flipped her pancakes, waiting for a reply.

 

~Dean~

 

Dean was surprised by the question. Does he dance? "I've taken a few classes, and I know a couple of waltzes and stuff. We've had to use that a few times when we've been on a hunt. I can dance a little, I guess. Do you?" He watched her stiffen up more as she flipped pancakes. "I, umm... I do dance. I don't know any actual dances, any waltzes or anything, but I do dance. My granny actually thinks I was a dancer in my previous life because when I was a toddler, I danced like a professional. I can't back up this claim, I don't remember it, but my whole family swears that I danced like I'd been training for years. I've always been able to find the rhythm to a song, and move my body in a way that works with it. I- I am going to shut up now."

"You shouldn't. The rambling is nice." Fuck, why did he say that? "I could probably teach you to waltz or something if you want." Open mouth, insert foot, Dean. Good damn job. He didn't have to see her face to know Maddie was blushing. She turned and looked at him, and he was a little pleased to see that he was right. Her cheeks were a pleasant shade of pink. "I, umm, I would like that. I've always wanted to learn, but I've never had the opportunity. Thanks, Dean." Mentally, he sighed with relief. He hadn't completely screwed up. Good. "Okay... Rare, but I actually can't think of a question right now. You can go again if you like."

"Wouldn't that be cheating?"  
"Technically, but I'm Game Master, and I said it's okay."  
He smiled, this was actually fun. He was pleasantly surprised. He'd never really done anything like this. "Alright, do you have a big family? And... you don't have to answer if you don't want to."  
"That would be cheating. Rule number one, you can't back out of a question. And it's alright, I don't mind. Yeah, actually. I have a really big family. I'm not close to any of them, really though, except my sister, maybe."

"You have a sister? What's her name?" Dean completely forgot about the game, and apparently, Maddie did too.  
"Her name's Lorretta. And before you ask, my brother's name is William. But everybody in the family calls them Boo and Bj. We all had 'B' nicknames for some reason." Oh, this was too good. "What was yours?"  
Maddie sighed and laughed lightly. "It was Bitty. Don't you dare laugh."  
Dean didn't laugh, he really didn't, but if he hid a smile behind his hand that was his business. Maddie was giving him the stink-eye for it, but she was smiling too.

"How big is your family?"  
"I have over a hundred cousins on my mom's side of the family, and I'm really not joking about that. My grandpa was 1 out of 16 children, and they multiplied. My father's side isn't small either. Granny had eight kids, and only one of the eight hasn't had any children so far."  
"Holy shit..."  
"I know, right? Nuts. I feel so bad for my grandpa's mom. Can you imagine having sixteen kids? Jesus."  
"Do you want kids?"

Maddie turned around and looked at him then. The spatula was in her right hand, and she had a streak of flour across her left cheek. Her eyes were far away and happy. "Oh, yes. I've wanted babies ever since I was about seven, as weird as that probably sounds. I would love a houseful of kids, and laughter, and memories. It's something that I've always wanted." She shook herself out of the fantasy and looked at him carefully. "Do you want kids?"  
Jesus Christ, does he? It wasn't something he'd really let himself think about. He'd loved being with Ben, even if he wasn't his. Kids kind of freaked him out, but he liked them too. He'd probably be a shitty dad though. "I don't really know. I guess it'd be okay, but it's not something I've ever really thought about. Not recently." 

"I could understand that." She said quietly. "If it's meant to happen it will."He found himself thinking about what she'd said. That it would happen. Could he see himself with kids, really? He didn't even know if he really wanted one. It'd be cool, he guessed but still. He didn't know if he was suited to be a dad. 

"Hey, don't think like that." Maddie admonished him with the spatula. Did he speak out loud, or something? "I don't have to be a genius to see the doubt you're over there thinking about." She turned around and looked at him. "You'd be a great dad, Dean. Seriously."He was a little off-balance. Maddie seemed very sincere, and her young face was open and reassuring. "Thanks, Maddie." He said it quietly, not sure how he felt about this conversation. Thankfully, Maddie seemed to sense this and she changed the subject. "So you said nobody's usually up this early? What do you do?"

"I don't know. Sometimes I train a bit, clean my gun, whatever. Search for hunts online. Watch Game of Thrones on Netflix. Just depends."She hummed in response and turned off the burner without saying anything. She got out her own plate from the cabinet and put a couple pancakes on it. Dean was about halfway finished with his, he'd been more interested in talking than eating which was really strange for him. Maddie sat across the table from him, and he noticed her hand was moving oddly on the surface of the table. He watched for a moment before he figured out why the movements looked familiar. She was hand-spelling. "You know sign language?" He gestured to her hand and Maddie froze, her eyes wide. He thought he knew why based off what she had been spelling. 

(C-a-l-m-d-o-w-n. I-t-s-f-i-n-e. H-e-s-j-u-s-t-a-g-u-y.) He would laugh, but the things Cas had said to him about the soul sparks stopped him. "Uh, yeah. I know how to hand-spell, I just know the alphabet. I want to learn ASL completely, but I haven't had the chance yet. I learned the alphabet when I was in the fifth grade, and now I find myself randomly spelling things without thinking about it." She looked up at him, wary. "Do you know sign language?"

"Uh, I know the alphabet. I never learned the rest of it. Hey, Maddie?" She looked up at him, and a blush was already blooming on her cheeks. "Yeah?"  
(I-t-s-a-l-r-i-g-h-t.) He spelled it to her, and she colored darkly and averted her eyes down to her plate. She spelled back, without looking at him. (S-o-r-r-y-y-o-u-s-a-w. H-o-p-e-n-o-t-a-w-k-w-a-r-d.) She was really adept at spelling and did it quickly. It took him a second to figure out what she said. (I-d-o-n-t-m-i-n-d. S-t-o-p-s-a-y-i-n-g-s-o-r-r-y.) She gave him a half smile and spelled, (S-o-r-r-y. H-a-b-i-t. T-h-i-s-i-s-f-u-n.) She paused then and looked at him curiously. (F-u-n-4-u?) She traced the question mark with her finger in the air, and he understood instantly. (Y-e-a-h. N-o-t-s-p-e-l-l-e-d-w-i-t-h--a-n-y-o-n-e-b-4.) He held up four fingers just as she had, and he took a bite of his pancakes. They were delicious. (R-e-a-l-l-y? H-o-w-y-o-u-l-e-a-r-n?) 

(L-i-b-r-a-r-y-b-o-o-k.) "Don't tell Sam I can actually read though, okay? It'd ruin my reputation." (M-a-d-d-i-e?)  
(Y-e-a-h?)  
"These pancakes are amazing."  
She laughed and smiled. "I'm glad you like them. They're one of the things I'm actually good at cooking. Baking is more my specialty."  
"Really?"

"Oh, yeah. I'm the queen of baking. Pies, cakes, cookies. Stuff like that."  
"You make pie?"  
She laughed, and the sound had his heart beating faster. "Yeah, I make pie. I'm pretty awesome at it too." She smiled at him and his heart did the weird skipping thing. 

There had to be some kind of permanent damage from it skipping like that all the time. "I think I'll have to be the judge of that."  
"Maybe I'll surprise you one day with it, and we'll see if I get an A on it. We can have Sam judge too."  
Dean looked at the clock. "Speaking of which, he should be up soon." It was almost eight O'clock. They had managed to wile away a lot of time just talking.  
"Okay. Speaking of, you said that you get up before everyone else, but Cas doesn't sleep, right? He's an angel."

"Yeah, but he never get's up until Sam's awake too. I don't know why."  
"That's not suspicious at all." She giggled.  
He arched an eyebrow at her and got up to get another couple pancakes. They really were good.  
He had his mouth full of pancake already when he sat back down but he spelled to her. (W-h-a-t-s-f-u-n-n-y?)  
"It's a long story. You'll laugh at me."

(T-r-y-m-e.)  
Maddie sighed. "Samstiel is a thing."  
"What the hell is that?" She blushed again.  
"Alright like... You know how Becky shipped Wincest, and that was you two together? Well, Samstiel is-"  
"Sam and Cas?" He asked incredulously.  
"Yeah."

"Oh, that's so weird. I didn't need that image." She turned crimson, and he wondered why. It was really weird to think about Sam and Cas being together. Especially considering the dreams Dean'd been having lately. Fuck. 

"Well, this is cozy." They both turned to look. Sam was standing in the doorway in a T-shirt and pajama bottoms. "Good morning. I made pancakes if you want some."

Sam smiled like a kid on Christmas. "You made breakfast? You are officially awesome." He rushed to the stove, and Maddie laughed. Cas entered the room then. 

"Good morning, everyone. What is that smell?"

Maddie raised her eyebrows at Dean with an obvious "wow, you were right" look. And Dean spread his hands as if to say, "See?"  
"Pancakes," Sam spoke around a mouth full of food and he sat down at the table to Dean's right.  
"Maddie made them," Dean said, and Cas just nodded. "Holy shit," Sam mumbled around his food again, his eyes wide.  
"Dude, you bitch at me for that. Could you not? Some of us would rather not puke right now."

"Shut up, Dean. These are awesome. How'd you make them like this?" Sam looked at Maddie.  
"Just the standard. Vanilla and cinnamon are probably what you're tasting, though."  
"Cas, try these. They're amazing." Sam was shoveling bites in like an addict. Dean tried not to watch.  
"It will just taste like warm molecules, but I will eat with you all." Cas' disappointment was tangible.

"Sorry, Cas," Maddie said.  
"It is alright. I'm used to it. I miss peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, though. I wish I could taste one."  
"You know, you'd think there'd be a spell for that or something."  
Cas sat down at the table with a plate with one pancake on it, liberally doused in syrup. He paused at Maddie's words and seemed to be lost in thought. "That's an interesting suggestion. I will have to look into that." 

"What the hell kind of song is that?" Dean said. He had nearly forgotten about Maddie's laptop. It was still playing music.  
"Seriously? It's Rx by Theory of a Dead Man."  
"That's a shitty name for a band."

"Thank you for sharing your opinion with the class," Maddie mumbled. "Here, maybe this will be better." Maddie typed away at her keyboard and suddenly Led Zeppelin started pouring out of the speakers. "Oh, that's what I'm talking about. Pancakes and Zeppelin? Dude. Best morning ever."  
Dean looked at her when he said it and Maddie smiled shyly and looked down at the table. Dean moved his foot and poked Maddie in the leg with it under the table. 

She looked up at him, a question in her eyes. (D-o-n-t-b-s-h-y.) She smiled at him but froze suddenly because she realized Sam was looking back and forth between them with his eyes narrowed. "What was that?" Sam asked, looking at Dean and Maddie. Cas suddenly piped up, "Dean used sign language and signed to Maddie that she should not be shy." Dean started laughing. And Sam snorted and started chuckling. Maddie's cheeks reddened and she shot a dirty look at Cas while she spelled to Dean. (U-t-h-i-n-k-S-b-m-a-d-I-k-i-l-l-h-i-s-b-f?) Dean choked on his drink and nearly spit orange juice on the table, he was laughing so hard. "What's so funny?" Sam demanded. "I don't know. I was not looking that time." Maddie laughed. Dean was finally able to breathe and he looked over at Sam who was glaring at him suspiciously. Dean pointed his fork at him and said, "You will never know." Sam gave him a sour bitchface and turned back to his pancakes."

"Oh, lighten up, Sam." The staring contest broke when Maddie started playing Heat of the Moment. Dean started laughing as he stood and clapped Sam on the back. "Rise and shine, Sammy." Sam groaned, and Maddie started laughing. "Sam?"Dean looked at Cas, who was the only one looking unamused right now. "Is today Tuesday?" Maddie threw her head back and laughed, Dean was laughing just as hard, bent over holding onto the counter, and Cas broke out into a wide grin. "I hate you guys," Sam said, but he started laughing too, and in the midst of it, Dean thought that this had been the best morning he'd had in probably forever.

 

~Maddie~

 

Later, Madelynne was nestled into the couch cushions with her sketchbook in hand, and a piece of charcoal held between her fingers. She preferred pencils, but she thought this drawing would need the roughness the stick would give. She had ripped the bloody piece of paper out and had given it to Cas since he was the only one who could read it. She couldn't for the life of her figure out how she'd been writing in Enochian but whatever. Things didn't always make sense in Winchester World, but the guys always found an answer. She wasn't worried about it. Her cheeks heated when she thought about last night. She had lost it. Again. And Dean had held her during an attack. Again. Twice in one day. God, that was horrible. Her face burned when she thought about how she had been pretty much sitting in his lap last night. This morning had been awesome though. Well, minus the few awkward moments, like where he had caught what she was spelling. It really was a bad habit, and she couldn't remember when she picked it up, but she spelled out what she was thinking sometimes without even realizing it. That had led to her finding out that Dean could hand-spell too, which was really surprising. 

Dean was cool. He hadn't thought it was weird that her sketchbook was full of pictures of them, though she was sure that anyone else would. Even she found it a little weird. Supernatural had been a big part of her life, and drawing the characters was a fun way to zone out, but that wasn't all. Drawing them like that, in such minute detail, it had made them like real people. And now, here she was, sitting on the Winchester's couch, in the bunker. Life is crazy she thought with a shake of her head. 

She started giggling quietly when she thought about this morning and how Heat of the Moment had started playing. She knew Sam had made a bitch face and protested, but she could tell he was actually enjoying himself. Hell, they all had been. She liked how excited Dean and Sam had been over the pancakes, and how he had complimented her on them. After breakfast, Cas had taken her to her bedroom. He had wanted to talk to her. He had told her about something called soul sparks and said that Dean already knew. He had explained everything to her, she was worried about what was going to happen. She had kind of freaked out over that, she wasn't gonna lie. Cas had actually said their souls were mates, and she really didn't know what that entailed. There are different kind of soul mates. She really hadn't had time to think about it all yet. A buzzing sound in her ears was the only warning she got before the world exploded. Suddenly a searing pain shot through her head, and her vision went white. 

Pain wracked her body and in her mind's eye, she saw the Impala. It was stopped on a bridge, and demons were surrounding it. She saw Sam running, he yelled a silent "Dean!" and a demon popped out of nowhere behind him. She watched in abject horror as it drew back a large knife, and plunged it into his back. She tried to move forward but she couldn't. She was frozen. Blood dripped out of his mouth, his face was frozen in a grimace of pain, and he collapsed onto the pavement, a large bloody spot on the back of his jacket. The blond demon behind him smirked, almost like he could see her, then popped back out of existence. "Maddie!" That voice was familiar, wasn't it? Was it Bj? Had she done something wrong? Her mind swam with hundreds of images of the vision that she had just seen. 

She tried to clear the cloud out of her mind, she knew now that what she saw wasn't real, but she couldn't wake up. Pain and terror overwhelmed her, then a deep voice spoke. "Come with me, Madelynne. Grab my hand. Reach." That voice was familiar too. She couldn't quite remember who it was, but it didn't matter. She pushed herself towards the sound of the voice. Suddenly she saw a bright light through the fog in her brain. It took a second for her to realize she was seeing it with her actual eyes and not just in her mind. Light bulb. In a shade. Ceiling. What ceiling? Where? She was disoriented and pain was still seizing through her muscles, and she had a migraine from Hell. Her head was pounding in time with her heart, which was beating quickly. The light hurt and she closed her eyes against it. Sounds were muffled. It sounded like she was underwater. That sent a fresh wave of panic through her. She hated water. It scared her. She felt pressure on her head, and she screamed. Then everything stopped. No noises, no pounding. No pain. Just blissful swimming darkness. She sank into it happily.

When she woke up next she was disoriented. She kept her eyes closed and listened. All she heard was breathing, but she wasn't sure if it was her own or not. She couldn't tell. She evaluated her body, and physically she felt alright. There was a heaviness across her chest, and while she didn't know what that might be, it didn't worry her. She could breathe easily, and the weight wasn't constricting at all. It was actually kind of nice. She felt calm. Thoughts came and went, she let them slide by as they pleased. She stayed like that for a while, she wasn't sure how long. She imagined this is what it felt like to be high. She hadn't ever done drugs, but it seemed like this is what it would be like. Her thoughts came to a stop. Something had happened. What? She realized she felt different. Her body felt different. The weight was no longer on her chest. It was on her back. Did that mean she was on her stomach? Did that make sense? She mentally sighed. She was going to have to actually wake up and figure out this mystery. She struggled to wake up, but her brain didn't seem to want to let go of the fog it was in. She took a deep breath to steady herself, and... 

Oh. Pine. She smelled pine. And leather. Now, why was that familiar? Why did it make desire curl in her belly? Why was it comforting? She knew that she knew the answers to those questions, but she couldn't quite grasp them. Suddenly it came crashing into her mind like a freight train and she was awake. Dean. 

She felt like ice water had been dumped down her back. Dean smelled like pine and leather. That's why it was familiar. Now the other questions all had answers too. Oh hell. The fog was finally cleared and she snapped open her eyes only to find she couldn't really see anything. It was really dark, and she was laying on something firm. It wasn't the couch or her mattress. It was... Dean. Her face was snuggled into his shirt, and she could feel hot breath in her hair. Oh fuck. She was laying half on top of him, sprawled over his chest, and her hands were fisted into his shirt. The weight on her back that had confused her so much was actually Dean's arm. Or possibly arms. He had it/them around her. How in the hell did she get here? What had happened? Suddenly the vision came rushing back to her and she was floored by the memories and feelings. She must've made a sound because Dean stirred, groaning low in his throat and turning his head. She froze, unsure of what to do. That sound had caused her previously forgotten desire to make itself known again but she ignored it. Not for the first time, she thanked Whomever that she wasn't a guy. Having a boner in this kind of situation would be awkward as hell. What was she supposed to do in this situation? 

She really wasn't uncomfortable. She liked Dean, and laying on his chest listening to his heartbeat was actually really nice. But she didn't know if she should be doing that. Did Dean know she was lying here like this? Since she was guessing, she would say probably not. He seemed to be asleep, and it was likely that she wasn't in this position before. How had she gotten here? Were they in her room? 

She raised her head a bit and looked around. No... Not her room, she didn't think. There was lots of stuff in this room. Maybe it was Dean's room? The question kind of scared her, because she couldn't identify the feelings that ran through her when that thought entered her mind. "Dean?" She spoke without meaning to, and she winced. He turned his head again, this time back towards her. If she scooted up a bit her mouth would be at his ear. Instead of doing that, she tapped her fingers on his chest. "Dean, I think we should move." He groaned again and mumbled into her hair. "Don't wanna. Like this. Comfy." His arm tightened around her, and she nearly laughed at him, he sounded like a kid. Well, whatever, if he wasn't going to wake up, she'd just move. She scooted to her left, and she ended up sliding down off his chest and onto the bed, on her left side. Dean immediately rolled onto his right side and wrapped his arm around her again. She sighed. The guy was like an octopus when he was asleep. 

But actually, now that she thought about it, she couldn't remember why she had wanted to move in the first place. She liked this, being with Dean. And she was freaking exhausted, she realized. Hmm... Decisions, decisions. Deciding she sure as hell wasn't getting up to walk across the cold floor to her room she snuggled up against Dean. She'd deal with the repercussions tomorrow. He didn't make her feel awkward or make her feel like she wanted to shrink into herself when he touched her. He made her feel good. Safe. He nuzzled his face into her hair, and made a soft, content sound, and she realized she really didn't mind. She'd always liked sleeping next to someone, though, besides her sister, and her aunt, she'd only ever woken up next to one other person. And that one had been a mistake. This didn't feel like a mistake. It felt like home. Home is a feeling, not a place. And this was honestly probably the best she had ever felt. She took a deep breath, breathing in his spicy scent, and she closed her eyes. She decided that they could figure everything out tomorrow, and then she'd know how she got here. But for right now, she didn't care. She snuggled as close to Dean's chest as she could get, his arm tightened around her again, holding her close, and she promptly fell asleep.

 

~Dean~

Dean didn't want to wake up. He'd been having the nicest dream. It was already slipping away but he remembered holding someone, and smelling strawberries, and that it had felt really nice. He just wanted to go back to that. But something stopped him. A sound. A sigh. And it wasn't from him. He popped an eye open and almost cursed out loud. Oh hell. It was really dark, but he saw curly brown hair and a pale arm with bracelets on the wrist, and he knew it could only be one person. Maddie. He guessed he hadn't been dreaming. He closed his eyes and threw his head back against the pillow. He couldn't think with his face in Maddie's hair, all he could smell was strawberries and it was really distracting. He felt like such a fucking idiot. Why had he agreed to take her to his room? He'd said he'd watch her, just to make sure she was actually alright after the whatever the hell you called it yesterday, but he hadn't planned on falling asleep. He didn't even remember sliding out of the sitting position he'd been in. Well... No use crying over spilled milk now. He opened his eyes and raised his head again to look back down to see how they were laying. 

He was on his right side, and Maddie's head was pressed into his chest, he could feel the soft puffs of her breath through his shirt. Her right hand was curled around the hem of his shirt, she seemed to have a habit of doing that, grabbing his shirts. A habit he kind of liked actually. That was the problem. Thankfully their waists weren't touching, Maddie had her knees drawn up between them, and she had curled herself into a ball more or less. His left arm was still around her, it was laying on her waist. She was sleeping soundly, and he didn't know if he should move or not. He didn't even know what time it was. Suddenly Maddie moved. To his horror, she stretched out, her legs straightened and she ended up pressed against him as she stretched her arms above her head. She made a noise, just a long drawn out 'M' sound, but it caused arousal to lick his body. Nope, nope, nope. Not doing that. She's just a kid. He started thinking about things like sad puppies, old people in nursing homes, Bobby in a banana hammock, anything so his body wouldn't react to the body currently pressed up against his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whatcha thinking so far? You liking it? Tell me! <3


	5. He's Wrestling With Your Soul?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sam is kind of immature in this, so it makes it seem like he's younger. I know the mention of Abaddon throws that off, but just kind go with it. Oh, and the stuff about souls totally came out of my butt, I made it up. If it doesn't fit with Supernatural Universe, please forgive me. MENTIONS OF CUTTING AND SCARS.
> 
> Its not exactly detailed, but it is a little graphic, I know that's contradicting, but it is more detailed than just mentioning it, please be careful if you're easily triggered. In case you want to skip that part, I marked it with asterisks right before it starts and right after it ends.

She finally finished stretching and she curled back down to her previous position more or less, though her legs stayed pressed up mostly against his. He could tell the exact moment she realized where she was. She had been cuddling back into his chest, snuggling into the warmth, he guessed, and then she froze. Literally. She had a habit of doing that too. She was as still as a statue, and he had to resist the urge to ask her if she was okay. If he knew her at all that would only freak her out.

 

He waited for her to make a move. He almost gasped when she did, but he managed not to make a sound. Her fingers were tracing across his chest. They were spelling letters he realized. He had missed the first few, but he caught (ou awake?) 

 

He didn't know if he should answer out loud, or try her way. He honestly wasn't sure if his voice would work right now. His arm was still thrown across her, so he decided to just trace the letters where his hand was, which was somewhere in the middle of her back. (U ok?) She gasped softly when his fingers started moving, but she didn't move. (I'm ok.)

 

His next question was the one that had worry twisting his stomach. He didn't know how much of yesterday she remembered, and he hoped she didn't think he had taken advantage of her or something horrible like that. (Is this ok?) He hoped to God she understood what he meant. Apparently, she did. He sighed in relief. (Yes. Is it 4 U?)

He really didn't know how to answer that question. He was really surprised how well they understood each other. Reading the letters wasn't exactly easy, but he wasn't having any difficulty talking with Maddie. He decided to just trace out the simplest answer. (Basically.)

(Don't B shy.) He half-smiled at having his own words thrown back at him. But how to answer that without trying to trace giant sentences? He felt, probably just like Maddie did, that if he talked this would get really awkward really fast. As long as they were silent it was okay. It wasn't as real. (It's not right.) She stiffened and pulled away immediately. He was cold for it.

 

"I'm sorry, Dean." She said quickly and started trying to scramble out of the bed.

 

"Wait." He grabbed her arm and she tensed and looked down at it. A shudder ran through her and she squeezed her eyes closed.

 

"Let me go, Dean." He did, and she started to move away again. "Wait, Maddie. I didn't mean it the way it sounded."

 

"How _did_ you mean it?"

 

"I don't know. We just probably shouldn't be laying together in the same bed. I'm a lot older than you. I don't want you to be uncomfortable. We don't exactly know each other well." She closed her eyes again.

 

"True. I need to ask you a question, before anything else."

  
"Okay." Dean acquiesced.

 

"Is your only problem just the fact that I'm just eighteen, or is it me personally? I would never ask, but Cas told me about the soul mates thing, so I just need to know." Her voice was tight and sounded like it was full of pain.

 

"That you're eighteen. I like you. What I know of you, anyway." She relaxed slightly and scooted up to where she was sitting against the headboard, moving the pillow until it was down at the bottom of the bed. She sat Indian style and looked at him with her face carefully expressionless. He was propped up on his elbow, looking back at her with an eyebrow arched. Where was this going?

 

"Okay. I just want to say a couple of things. I'm an adult, Dean. As of September 6th, I became a full, legal adult. And we were just lying there, Dean. Innocently, I might add. I get that the whole age thing kind of throws it off for you, but it's not like I'm twelve. If you were female or my age it wouldn't matter, would it?"

 

She had a point there. "No. We were just sleeping."

 

"Exactly. I completely understand if you don't want to do that, I'm a stranger, but you shouldn't feel bad about something for no reason. And, just so I'm clear on this, how'd I end up in your bed, anyway?"

 

"After your episode thing, you were unconscious, and Sam wanted to go on a salt and burn he found last night, it was time sensitive. Cas wanted to help, so I volunteered to stay and keep an eye on you. I had some stuff I had to do in here, so we just laid you in my bed. I was reading and I fell asleep. I don't even really remember that part."

 

"Ahh. Okay. That makes sense." Dean thought about what she'd said a minute ago. They actually weren't doing anything. And he had no intention of trying to do anything. He wasn't a pervert. They really had just been sleeping innocently, and if he was female or her age, it wouldn't matter at all. He decided to say fuck it.

 

They literally weren't doing anything that should be frowned upon, and he guessed if an angel of the lord, and one of his best friends, approved, he could too. "Listen, if you want to go back to sleep, you can sleep in here if you want."

 

"Are you sure about that, Dean?"

 

"Yeah. You shouldn't be alone tonight, we really don't know the after effects of the visions or anything, and it'd probably be smarter if you were with one of us for the next few days. So if you want..." He gestured to the empty side of the bed. She seemed to think about it for a minute. He watched her face, mostly obscured by the darkness, move minutely as she thought. He noticed she had a habit of biting her lower lip, which made him want to nibble on it.

 

"Alright." She said softly and reached down to grab the pillow from the foot of the bed as she slid down to a lying position. She put it under her head and turned on her left side, facing him. She was being careful not to touch him as she moved, he noticed. And there was a good foot and half of space between them, which was just kind of weird, stranger or not.

 

"You're allowed to relax, you know. Lying stiff like a board probably won't do you much good." She sent him a weak glare, but her body loosened and she relaxed into the bed.

 

"True enough." She said. Dean nodded. This was awkward now. He wished he hadn't said anything. It wasn't like having her in his arms was bad. He missed it. But he had opened his big mouth and now... Now his apparent soul mate didn't want to touch him, which was a fucked up situation if there ever was one. "Maddie, can I ask you a question?"

 

She nodded. "Yeah."

 

"How did earlier feel for you?" She tensed slightly and her hand came up to fiddle with the necklace she wore. "What do you mean?"

 

"I mean when you woke up. Was that okay?" She stared at him for a moment, as if trying to discern where he was going with this. Her answer was hesitant and unsure, and Dean understood she was revealing something she didn't really want to. "More than." Simple enough, really. It was for him too. It had felt good, really. Safe, and cozy. Like a home. It felt right. "Me too. Is it okay if..." He let the question hang, hoping she understood. She cocked her head at him, much like Cas did when he was confused. "Do you want to?" She asked carefully. Dean just nodded. He wondered if he was about to be rejected. In answer, she slowly slid over the bed until there was just a couple of inches between them. She looked him right in the eye and he slid over the rest of the way until they were touching. Hesitantly, wondering if he was crossing lines, he opened his arms. She slid over into them without objection, and her head was against his chest, resting on his right arm. He wrapped his left arm around her without thinking about it and froze when he realized. "It's alright, Dean. Feels good, if that's okay to say." Dean felt something shift just then, a break in a wall, almost. He couldn't understand it, but he could feel it. She was being vulnerable again. Vulnerable and open to him. "It's okay to say, Maddie. Me too."

She sighed lightly. "Can we sleep?" Her tentative question made him smile. "Of course."

They laid in comfortable silence then, and Dean listened when her breathing changed to soft and deep little breaths. She was sleeping now. Trusting him enough to sleep next to him, to be vulnerable with him. For some reason, some unknown reason, that felt very important.

Maybe it was because he knew a bit of her past, and knew that it had been bad. Maybe it was because they were apparently soul mates. Maybe it was because she was so young. But the fact that she trusted him, that she let herself be open with him. To let her defenses down next to him. It felt momentous for some reason. It was an odd feeling, but not a bad one. Cas had been right when he said that Dean's life had left him wanting. He had known he wanted someone to share it with, but he hadn't done anything about it. He just hunted, and researched, and bitched at Sam. That was his life now. His crappy, unfulfilled life. He wondered if Maddie would change that. He lied there that night for hours, not sleeping, but wondering. Eventually, his thoughts turned into dreams, and he slept. He dreamed of Cas and Maddie. Again.

~Maddie~  
~September 9th~

 

Madelynne woke up warm and in darkness, in Dean's arms. So much had happened last night, and it was just weird. She wondered if this was a one-night thing or... It probably was. It would be weird to assume it wasn't, though Dean had said she shouldn't be alone... Sleeping in her bed by herself would suck now though. She sighed deeply and turned over onto her back, she'd been laying on her side all night. Dean made a small sound deep in his throat and followed her until his face was pressed into her hair again. She wondered why he did that. She would ask him, but that'd probably be awkward. Then again, after all the things they had talked about last night, not much could be worse. That had sucked. Regardless of anything else, she was really comfortable right now. She never thought she would like a place without windows, but the fact that the bunker was underground and didn't have windows was actually pretty awesome.

No matter what time she went to sleep if the lights were off it was almost pitch black darkness. She never knew what time it was, and it was actually nice. She could forget about reality. It was like being in her own little world. It took forever for her eyes to adjust, but right now she could see fine. She wondered how many hours it had been since the weird episode she had had where she'd seen Sam's death. She was going to try and bask in this while it lasted. She didn't know if she'd get to do it again, but she hoped so. It was so odd for her to want that. She generally didn't like being touched, and physical intimacy was dangerous. She wondered what Dean wanted. He seemed... Well, fairly attached to her, at least when he was asleep, but she didn't know if that would bleed over into when he was awake. She kind of doubted that.

Everybody's walls are down when they're asleep. She wondered what their relationship would grow into as time went on. Right now they were - friendly(?) but not really friends. They'd barely known each other for two days. Well, she had been watching him for years and had seen pretty much everything, but he didn't know her barely at all. She considered this as she stretched. She dug her feet into the bed and arched up off of it, pushing herself up on the bed incidentally, her hands hit the wall and it broke the stretch but her muscles felt good now. They were tingling and relaxed. She had pushed herself up super high onto the pillows, and Dean's head was actually level with her shoulders.

He groaned and stretched a bit before curling up towards her. He laid his head on her chest, right above her heart. The move surprised the hell out of her, and she tensed for a moment, before relaxing. She realized she kind of liked it. Dean was cuddled into her, and his left arm was around her waist still. She raised her left hand, hesitantly, almost afraid, and carded it through his hair gently. She started at his forehead and twisted her fingers into his hair. It was calming, and surprisingly it didn't bother her. He made a soft noise and pushed his head into her hand, then nuzzled his face into her t-shirt. She almost giggled, but she managed not to. She knew she was grinning like a dork though. He was like a little puppy or something. His hair was really soft, very Pantene commercial. She liked it. Because she was touching it and moving it around, she could smell it. It smelled like a mixture of cinnamon and the pine needles smell that he had. He smelled amazing.

She was content just lying there in the darkness. Suddenly Dean began to stir. He mumbled something and lifted his head a little bit, looking around. She thought it would be creepy if she was smiling at him when he looked up, but she couldn't help it, and she was when his eyes found hers. He gave her a small smile and much to her surprise he laid his hand back down on her chest. She had pulled her hand out of his hair when he woke up, but now she debated about whether or not to go back to it. Hmm... Then she felt his finger tracing letter right above her hip bone. She realized mutely that her shirt had ridden up there and that he was tracing on her bare skin. It sent shivers up her spine and she had to drag her focus back to what he was writing.

(Ur hand was in my hair.) The closest thing she could reach was the back of his hand. (I'm sorry... Bad?)  
(No. Not sorry. Start?) Hoping she had understood him correctly, she ran her free hand through his hair again, gently dragging her fingers across his scalp. He made a contented sound. (Thanks.)

(4 what?)  
(Feels good. Nice 2 wake up like that.)  
(Happy made U happy. Thought Ud be mad. Glad Ur not.)  
(No. Def not mad. Best way 2 wake up ever.)  
That made her laugh and he hummed and rubbed his cheek against her when she did. (U R cuddly when U wake up.)

"I'm sorry." He stilled and started to draw back, but she grabbed his shoulders and held him in place. "It's okay." She said it aloud. "Are you sure?" His voice was thick with sleep. "I'm sure. I don't mind, Dean." He settled back down in his previous position. (Is this ok with U?) She wrote on his hand when he settled it back on her hip.  
(Yeah. Sorry.) "I didn't want to make you uncomfortable."  
"No, I'm good." (Promise.)

She felt him smile against her, and it made her feel warm and fluttery. (I can hear Ur heartbeat.) She figured it probably sped up when he said that which is why he laughed, a low throaty chuckle that gave her butterflies. (Y faster?) He traced. (U tell me.) She replied so she could reply without actually answering. She realized her breathing had sped up, and she was nervous. Dean noticed, obviously, he was laying on top of her, but he raised his head up and looked at her. His voice was soft and gentle. "Hey, it's okay." Maddie nodded mutely. Dean looked at her for a moment longer then laid his head back down. (Relax.) He traced across her skin, which had exactly the opposite effect. What the hell was going on? Why did she feel so weird? He didn't move, but he started talking to her. "Hey, it's alright. Calm down, Maddie. You're safe with me, you know." He wrapped his left hand around her waist and hugged her tightly. The darkness made them feel safe and hidden. This was okay here, reality didn't matter. "Breathe with me." He said quietly, and moved slightly, so she could feel his chest as he breathed deeply in and out. She matched her breathing to his and she calmed back down. She didn't even know why she had started to freak out there.

She realized that her hand was clutched in his hair and she immediately released it. "I'm sorry. I didn't know I was doing that. I don't know what really just happened." He mutely grabbed her hand and put it back on his head. "It's alright. Are you okay?"  
"I think so. Dean, can I ask you a question?"  
"Yeah."

"This changes when we leave the room, huh?" He raised his head up and looked at her. "What do you mean?" She blushed and moved her hand in his hair obviously. "Oh." He flushed slightly and moved to lay up beside her. "I really don't know how to answer that question, to be honest."

"Let's just... be normal. I don't want to... I really don't know how to explain this. We both know what Cas told us about the soul mate thing, but I want you to know that I don't- I don't, like, expect anything or anything like that. I've been here like two days. I don't know about you, but I need some time to really figure out how I feel about everything. A LOT has happened in the last two days." He nodded with understanding. "I get that. Me too, honestly. This is kind of nuts."  
"Eh, nothing's ever simple with you guys. We should know that by now." She giggled and he laughed. "You're right about that, definitely. I guess we'll just... get to know each other, yeah?"

"Works for me."  
"Alright then. Good." With that their decision was made, and Maddie found herself strangely exhilarated. Absentmindedly she rubbed her left thumb across her bottom lip as she thought. "None of this seems real, you know? It's like a dream or something. It's like it's not reality."

 

~Dean~

Fuck. He had woken up laying on top of Maddie like he was a kid or something. He had been nuzzling his face into her chest, and not in a sexy way. Shit, he didn't need to think about that. Hell, when was the last time he even let himself sleep next to another person? He didn't really like it. Well, he did. It was awesome waking up to another person's warmth and breathing, but it made him feel vulnerable, and he really hated that. But with Maddie, he didn't. And she was a stranger that he barely knew. And he really wanted to wake up next to a certain angel, even though this felt amazing. Life was so fucked up sometimes. His eyes followed the movement when her thumb came up to trace her bottom lip. Even in the darkness, he could see the scar running the length of it from knuckle to where it connected to the joint. That was a hell of a scar. "What caused that?" He said softly without meaning to. Her eyes cleared and focused on him.

********************************************

When she realized what he was talking about she blushed and rubbed the scar unconsciously. "A knife." She said quietly, not looking at him. "Did you do it?" He asked, not judging, but wondering. She seemed to sense that, and she looked up at him, eyes wide. He noticed they were blue right now, exactly the same shade as Cas's, weirdly enough. "Yeah." She whispered. Oh. Ouch. He knew that feeling. He rubbed the scar running up his thigh where he had done the same thing so many years ago. He grabbed her hand and ran his own thumb over the raised scar on hers. She gasped at the contact and looked down at their hands, then back up at him. "Do you know?" Despite the cryptic question, he knew exactly what she meant. Surprising himself, he answered honestly. "Yeah. I do."

"How many?" She asked, then realized. "Shit. Sorry. Never mind." It was a personal question, but strangely enough, Dean found that he didn't really mind telling her. "Three. All on my thigh. You?" She sighed. "Seven." Oh wow. "Seven's a lot."  
"Yeah..."

"You didn't tell me where yours are."

"True. I... well... It'd be easier to show you, really." She held her left arm up, and it took a second, but he started noticing the scars. They weren't cuts really, and they weren't on the inside of her arm, so not a suicide thing. The scars she had were made from rubbing a blade against the skin, peeling layers off and making it raw until it bled, he knew. The biggest was about three inches long, and an inch wide. She moved her hand, and he could see the scars on the back of it now. There were four there including the one on her thumb. He took it to mean she was right-handed. She only had one on her right hand. "Serrated blade?" She looked up at him in surprise. "Yeah. How'd you know?"  
"Hell was educational." He said conversationally and she winced. "Sorry."  
"It's fine. Why'd you do it?" Her face shut down into a mask of pain. "My dad. He... Let's just say it wasn't easy."  
******************************************** "I know the feeling."  
"Is that your reason too?"

"Yeah. Looks like we both had fucked up parents."  
"We did."  
"How much time did your dad get?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"I mean... for homicide." She blanched.  
"Oh. He was never charged. He's still out walking around. He got married last year." What the fuck? That was just so damn wrong.  
"Christ... That sucks."  
"Understatement, but yeah it does."

Later, they decided to finally get out of bed and end whatever the hell you called what they'd just been doing. Dean wasn't very comfortable with how comfortable he was with Maddie. It was weird. They reached the kitchen and Sam was sitting at the kitchen table eating a bowl of fruit. "Ah, you guys actually are alive. I was starting to think I'd have to come in there with the paddles or something." Maddie was rubbing her eyes blearily. She still looked tired. Dean felt bad for her, she'd only been here two days and she'd already had two panic attacks, and two nightmarish episodes of god-knows-what. He wondered what the vision had been of yesterday, he needed to remember to ask. She looked exhausted. Maybe the dimension switch was still affecting her? Probably so. "You guys have coffee here?" She mumbled quietly and stifled a yawn. Dean eyed her critically. "Jeez, you look wiped."  
"Feel it. Fine a minute ago, now I just feel like a nap. How long was I out, by the way?"

"You're episode was at about eleven yesterday morning. You've been out pretty much since then form what Cas says." Sam replied. Wait, Cas had been checking on them? Oh great.

Maddie settled down at the table and rubbed her temples with her eyes closed. "Jesus Christ. Headache."  
Dean opted a no-go on the coffee, he didn't think a stimulant would be good for her right now. He did get her a glass of orange juice though. Maybe it would help. Christ, he was being Martha-friggin'-Stewart again. What the hell was going on?

"Where is Cas?" Dean asked Sam, trying to get his mind off it.  
"He's off trying to find something or the other. He should be back soon though. I think he's trying to figure out what's going on with her."

"Yeah, we've been wondering about it." Dean hoped he found an answer.  
"Am sitting right here, guys." Maddie sighed, but she accepted the cup of orange juice from him. "Sorry," Dean said.  
"S'fine. Thanks, Dean. Guys got Tylenol? Could use like five." Dean drew his eyebrows together, he was worried. She'd been fine earlier, but now... Concern shot through him, but he tried to ignore it. "Yeah, we've got some I think. But if you want we can call Cas and he could fix you up in a snap."  
"Know he's busy, don't want to bother him, but that'd be amazing."

"We'll call him," Dean said quickly and Sam looked up at him curiously. Maddie was looking worse by the minute, and that couldn't be normal. Sam quirked an eyebrow at him, but he didn't say anything.  
Sam mouthed at him, "She okay?"  
Dean shook his head in the negative as he watched her eyes slide closed, she was pressing her fingers to the side of her head so hard the tips of her fingers were white.  
"Sam, call Cas."

Even Sam was looking worried now. He got up and walked out of the room quickly. Maddie was pale, she had gone white as a sheet in under a minute. Cas walked in behind Sam. He immediately walked over to Maddie and put a hand on her shoulder.  
"Maddie, can you hear me?" Cas's deep voice rumbled.  
"Hiya, Cas. What's wrong with me? Can't see right."  
"I'm not sure. I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know, Cas? How can you not know?" Dean questioned.  
"I'm not sure what's wrong. How long has this been going on? You should have called me sooner."  
"She's only been out of bed for a few minutes, Cas," Sam said.  
Dean interjected then, "She was fine when we woke up, but after we came out here she just started getting worse, literally immediately."  
Cas was wearing his worried look, he grabbed Maddie's wrist and put two fingers to her pulse point.

"I'm going to carry her to the couch, I have to check something, and I need to put her to sleep first."  
"Still right here, y'know," Maddie mumbled.  
"My apologies, Maddie. Is it alright if I take you to the couch?"  
"Pretty sure I can still walk, Cas. Jeez." She pushed her self up off the table took two steps, then collapsed. Panic seared its way through him, and Dean rushed over to her. Cas had caught her before she hit the floor, and he had her in his arms now. Her head was lolling back over his arm, while her arm was hanging limply, dangling.  
"I have to do this now, there's no time." Cas started to carry her out of the room. Dean looked at Sam, panicked.  
"She'll be fine, Dean. Go." Thanking Chuck for his baby brother's understanding he ran after Cas.

Dean jogged to the living room where Cas had already laid her on the couch. Her eyes were closed and she was pale and still. Fear gripped his heart. "She's alive, Dean. I need you to come here. Kneel beside me." Cas was on his knees beside the couch. Dean did as he was told. "Take her left hand. I'm going to need your help for this, I think. Don't fight it, Dean. You're probably going to see things, and feel things, but I need you to accept it. Let it flow through you, do you understand?"  
Dean nodded and grabbed Maddie's hand. It was cold. "I'm going to attempt to grab her soul. I can sense something is wrong with it, but I'm not sure what it is. If I can reach it, I will know what's wrong."

"Why do you need me?"  
"You two have a connection. She's too weak for me to do it right now without assistance. You will ground her, keeping her soul and consciousness anchored inside her body. What I'm doing is dangerous, you need to prepare yourself. The things you experience may be disturbing. You're going to be submerged into her consciousness, basically. Are you ready?"  
Dean nodded. "Just help her, Cas."  
Cas nodded grimly and he put his hand on Maddie's chest. A burst of white light blinded Dean and he had to look away. He closed his eyes and let himself be consumed by energy.

 

~Maddie~

 

Madelynne felt horrible. Jesus, what had brought this on? She'd felt fine when she was in bed with Dean, and now her head was pounding so painfully her eyes hurt, but still. "Pretty sure I can still walk, Cas. Jeez." She gathered her strength and pushed herself into a standing position. She turned and took one step, two, and then there was a moment of fear. Then darkness. Only darkness. Then a sensation entered the darkness. Fear. What had happened? She was floating, kind of like she had been yesterday. When was yesterday? The thought had made sense when she thought it, but now it didn't make any sense at all. She grew worried. Why was she alone? Shouldn't someone have been here with her? Then she felt something warm. She couldn't tell where it was coming from. It grew much hotter suddenly. Too hot. There was pain like she was being burned. It grew and grew, it was too big for her to handle. Agony. Her nerves were on fire, and her very being was burning. She tried to scream, but how could she? Then something cold touched the pain and soothed it away slightly. She searched for the coolness in the darkness, now recognizing that she was unconscious and something was happening. She sensed the cold was near, somewhere close. She reached out into the darkness and grasped onto it.

 

~Castiel~

 

Castiel used his might and pushed his grace into Maddie. Immediately he could feel that something was very wrong. There was darkness on her soul. Not the kind caused by trauma, but something unnatural in origin. It was growing. Even now after only a few seconds, he could feel that it was more powerful. Now he just had to 1. figure out what it was, and 2. eradicate it. A soul takes the shape of the body it's in, it grows in every cell, and tissue, every muscle and bone. But it's rather like a tree. Every tree has a core, it's the oldest layer, the strongest part of the tree. Souls were the same. He needed to find the core. Maybe if he could destroy the majority of the darkness that was feeding off her soul the rest would take care of itself. He didn't allow himself to hope for that, however. Nothing was ever simple. He could feel Dean, he was searching for Maddie. Her consciousness. Castiel was searching for the core of her soul. He had no idea what Dean might be seeing, or feeling, but he blocked out his worries.

Castiel had tried to make it where this process wouldn't hurt her, but he knew he only partially managed that, and he was sorry. He had a theory about what was wrong, and he needed to find out if he was right. Castiel delved deeper, sending his grace spiraling out in pulses. Something pulsed back to him. There. A cylindrical, wispy, intangible braid of light. It looked like the trunk of a tree, twisted around. Her soul was pulsing with light, sending it out in waves, and Castiel could feel how strongly it was fighting the invasion. She had a very powerful soul, it was bright. It wasn't the first time he had seen it, but it really was beautiful. Much like Dean's was to him. Her soul was multicolored like some are. Rainbows of light that could not be understood or perceived by the human eye refracted onto themselves, and it was beautiful, like rare crystal. But at the bottom of the wisps of light, there was the darkness, growing. It was black, and it pulsed with a needy, aching greed. This was demonic in origin, somehow. He didn't know what, or how, but at least now he knew how to get rid of it. He hoped anyway. Using his Grace, he began to grapple with the darkness, determined to cut it from her soul.

 

~Dean~

 

Dean was gone. He didn't know where he was, but he had to find Maddie. She was close. Somewhere. He was trying to find her but everything was dark and he couldn't see. It was swimming darkness, like being surrounded by smoke or something. Suddenly he heard voices. Angry voices by the sound of it. Wait, that was Maddie! He turned and made his way, or what he thought was the way, towards the voices. Suddenly an image floated in front of him and he understood he was looking at a memory. He saw Maddie standing in a kitchen, she was yelling at a drunken woman. A drunken woman that had an uncanny resemblance to her. It must be her mom, he realized belatedly. "How can you keep doing this to us? If not to me, then to Boo! We're your kids, you're supposed to watch out for us!" Shit, he knew how that felt. The image shifted into something new. Maddie was sitting on a large red couch, reading a book. Or well, staring at a book, silently crying. A large, red-eyed man with a black beard and beer gut was leaning over a counter heavily on his elbows, nearly laying on it. He was talking to a kid, he looked about a year old or so, but he wasn't sure if he was right. What did he know about kids? The man was slurring words, and he had a handful of quarters in front of him. "Alright, Connor, watch this, alright? You take a quarter, and you squeeze it real tight in your hand, and you pull your arm back, and you throw it. We throw them at things we don't like."

He pelted the quarter right at Maddie who flinched when it hit her. She was crying hard now. Rage rose up in Dean and he wanted to kill the man. What the fuck? Evil bastard. The image swirled and shifted again. The same guy from before was inches away from his face. Dean was wrapped in the memory and it became his pain. He could feel intense pressure over his ears, and something was stabbing into either side of his neck. The man was yelling, and Dean was suffocating from the smell of alcohol so close to his face. "Let go of me, Dad." Maddie's voice, a few years younger than she was now, spoke up from the memory, and he realized this man was her father. His beady black eyes glinted dangerously. Dean was so angry and he didn't know what he was about to do but he felt a hand on his shoulder then Cas's warning went through his mind. He had to accept them. Let them flow. He turned around and Maddie was standing there, looking at him. She didn't really look like a person, he guessed neither did her, they weren't solid, but he still knew it was her. "I thought it was you. You're the cold." He had no idea what she was talking about. "Are you okay?"

"As okay as I can be, I suppose. I don't know what happened, but I can feel all this. Cas is wrestling with my soul, Dean. I don't think I'm supposed to be able to feel that."  
"He's wrestling with your soul?!"  
"Yes. Would you like to see?"  
"I really don't know."

She gave a small laugh and held out her hand. He took it, and she began to lead him through the swimming ethereal darkness. "As weird as it is, right now, I know everything he knows. I even know what's wrong with me."  
Fear shot through him and Maddie looked back. "You don't have to be afraid, Dean. It's alright. I promise. I can see the ending."  
"What does that mean?" The words made him feel better, regardless.

"I have Seer blood. Not unlike a prophet, visions started being forced on me when I got here. Dormant in my dimension, increased ten-fold here. There's something wrong with my soul, something demonic, Cas isn't sure what. You're looking at the core of my being there, Dean. That's my soul." They had, if it was possible, came to a deep cavern. They were standing at the top of it, looking down to the middle where a wispy, pulsating rainbow of light was floating, seemingly weightless. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, and it filled him with emotion. He couldn't think about that now. "What the hell is that?" He pointed to the scene below, concerned. There were flashes of light emanating from nowhere, it looked a lot like lightning during a thunderstorm. "It's Cas. He's pushing his grace against my soul, trying to get rid of that."

"Do you see that there?" Maddie pointed downwards and he followed her gaze. At the bottom of the ethereal light, there was something pulsing black and purple. It looked like live smoke wrapped around the fragile beauty it had latched onto. It creeped Dean out even from here. "What is that? Do you know?"

"Yes. Just like my Seer blood was made active when I came over here, other things were too. There's a light and a darkness to every gift. The seed of darkness, if you will, acted similar to a magnet, I guess. Cas killed one of the demons that were chasing us as he brought me over between dimensions. In order to carry me between the worlds, he had to... I guess the easiest term would be he dissolved me. Angel doors are different from portals, like the one you guys used when you crossed. It left me open and vulnerable, but this isn't his fault. When he killed the demon, for whatever reason, it didn't completely die. That darkness there is a piece of that demon, pretty much. It attached itself to my soul while I was vulnerable. According to Cas, this is what he's thinking right now, by the way, normally it wouldn't have affected me like this. It would have just caused me to be sick until it was removed. This is more powerful. The magic in my blood is feeding it, I guess. Giving it life. Giving it power. It's pretty much trying to eat my soul, as creepy as that it." Well, that was fucking crazy. Just a normal day in their lives. A spike of fear ran through him, and he wanted to help Cas, but Maddie squeezed his hand. He looked over at her."You know what Cas is thinking... Do you know what I'm thinking?" She gave a small chuckle.

"Yeah, I do. You are literally in my head right now. I can feel everything." Dean felt panic shoot through him. She knew. Oh shit.  
"Don't worry about it, Dean. It's okay. Oh wow, ouch. Bitch got claws." She put a hand to her chest and they looked back down at the scene below for a moment. The bright pulses of light were coming faster and faster, and the black, purple smoke on her soul had stopped growing, but it was writhing around, looking like it was trying to get away from the light. Fear pulsed through him as he watched, and Maddie squeezed his hand again, and he looked back at her.

"Hey, it's alright. Like I said, I can see the ending. Cas will cut it from my soul in a few moments. It will hurt me. Don't- don't be afraid, okay? I promise you everything will be fine. After he cuts it from me, I will probably disappear from here, I'm not sure. But Dean, you have to go back with Cas. You can't stay and try to find me, okay? I will heal. I will wake up exactly five hours and thirty-seven minutes after he cuts it. Promise." She raised a hand to his cheek, and her thumb traced his cheekbone. Just this once, he closed his eyes and let himself lean into the touch. This was terrifying, and the messed up part was he didn't even really know why he was so scared. He had an inkling, but it wasn't possible to love someone you met two days ago, was it? He heard her whisper very quietly, "I'm sorry." Then he felt a light brush of lips against his. It only lasted for a moment, but it shot emotion straight through his heart down to his toes and back up again.

And then it was gone. So was the feather-light caress on his cheek. He opened his eyes and Maddie was gone. Remembering her words, he didn't panic, but he still felt afraid. He looked back down at the cavern where a light show was going on. The black pulsing thing that had been attached to Maddie's soul was spasming with crackles of energy pulsing through it. It looked like it was being electrified. Suddenly there was an explosion of white light, and Dean ducked down and covered his eyes. And he found himself lying on the floor in their living room. A pain in his chest. Cas was sitting next to him, breathing heavily, but he looked alright. Dean was having trouble catching his own breath. He was sweaty, and his muscles felt heavy. He sat up and his head started pounding. Sam was standing above them. "Are you alright?" Sam offered his hand to Dean and he took it gratefully, Sam helped swing him up to his feet. When he stood Dean swayed a little but he was alright.

"I'm fine, Sam."  
"What the hell happened?" Sam demanded, looking back and forth between them. Cas stood up and started explaining.  
"After I eradicated the problem, her soul immediately started gaining strength again. We were thrown out by what you would call an energy surge."  
"Right, okay. Explain that later. Is she alright?" Sam gestured at her. Dean looked over at her. She was still pale, but there was a little color to her skin now. Her breathing was fast but steady. Dean felt relief fly through him.

 

~Maddie~

 

Madelynne awoke to voices. She recognized Cas's and Sam's voices. They sounded far away like they were outside the room. "Cas?" Her voice croaked out of her throat. Jesus, she could use a glass of water. She heard the creak of a door open and a relieved, "She's awake." A lamp was on when she opened her eyes. She was in her room. She could tell because it was bare. She wondered where Dean was. Cas came into her field of vision as she pushed herself up until she was sitting up against the wall, pillows shoved behind her. "Hey, Cas."

"How are you feeling?" Cas asked. Sam walked into the bedroom behind him.  
"I'm alright. I would kill for a glass of water, but besides that, I feel alright."  
Cas picked one up from the nightstand and handed it to her. She accepted it gratefully. "Thanks, Cas."  
"You're welcome. Do you feel like talking right now? We need to discuss what happened yesterday and a few hours ago."  
"Yeah. We can talk."

"We all have questions about yesterday. What did you see?" Sam asked politely.  
She shot him a guilty look but answered. "I saw you die." His mouth dropped open in surprise.  
"What did you see?" Cas's voice was urgent.  
She described her vision to them as descriptively as she could.

"If you saw the demon again would you recognize him?"  
"Absolutely. Like I would forget that."  
"Good. We need to figure out who it is, and what the plan is. It sounds like I was a target. Like an assassination or something."

"That was the impression I had as well." Cas said, and he disappeared for a moment before returning with her sketchbook."I have been distracted, I didn't think to look at this yet. You wrote in Enochian, describing your vision, but there wasn't a date this time. I imagine there hasn't been one set yet. Maybe that gives us time to figure out who and what is going to try to kill Sam."

"Where's Dean, by the way? Is he alright?" She was worried about him. And really wondering about how he felt about what had happened in her head. She had kissed him, she had to.  
"He's sleeping right now. Our endeavor cost him quite a lot of energy. He wanted to stay up and wait for you to wake up, but I insisted that he sleep."

"Oh." She couldn't help the spiral of disappointment inside her, but she was glad he was sleeping. Then a thought struck her cold. She wondered how much he had seen of her memories. She had found him when he was watching her dad being an abusive dick about that damn cat, but that one wasn't too bad. There were many worse things he could've seen that she would have rathered him not see. She wasn't really sure if she wanted to ask him about it or not.  
"What do you remember about the incident a few hours ago?"

"Everything. I was aware of what you were doing the whole time, Cas. It was easier after I found Dean. I knew you would be successful."  
"Seer blood. The magic in this dimension has brought your gifts out of dormancy."  
"You brought her here and her magic was like... magnified? Or amped up?"

"Something like that, Sam. The magic here is different from her home dimension, where magic is almost nil. This dimension is cloaked in an atmosphere of it, compared to hers. Being around it, and being around an angel, "amped up" her gifts, as you say." Cas did his hilarious little air quotes and Madelynne couldn't help but laugh. He looked at her oddly but didn't comment.

"Hey, Cas? Is it normal that I could hear what you were thinking the whole time? I knew what Dean was thinking too. I don't remember that ever happening on the show or anything."

He had a puzzled expression. "No, that's not normal. Do you know what happened?"  
"With the darkness, you mean? Yeah, pretty much. I mean, I know what you know. You killed the demon when we were crossing over and for whatever reason, it didn't exactly die. A piece of it latched on to my soul. The magic in my blood kind of made it grow and all that. I'm guessing when it got strong enough it started attacking right? Feeding off of me."  
"That's exactly right."

"So you had a demonic leech on your soul this whole time?"  
Maddie winced. "Ew. Thanks for that image, but yeah pretty much."  
"Sounds nasty. But Cas got it right? It's dead?"  
"It is dead, Sam. It will not come back, trust me. She is safe now, and her soul is healing much faster than I would've expected, but it's good news. That she knew what we were thinking is odd, I'm not sure if it's concerning or not."

"Yeah, I don't know. It was weird. It wasn't even that it was what you were thinking that was the strange part, as oxymoronically as that sounds. But I could feel everything. I could feel your determination, and that you were sorry you couldn't keep it from hurting me, and Dean was scared. I could feel all that."  
"That is strange. I will have to research. Perhaps someone in Heaven would know of what you speak of."  
"Well, good. Maybe they will know something we don't, or at least point us in the right direction. I'm going to go eat something, then I'll get started trying to find the demon she was talking about." Sam said.

"I'm hungry too."  
"I think we could scrounge up a sandwich or something for you."  
"I think I can make it to the kitchen, Sam." She laughed and swung her legs out of the bed. Cas took her arm and helped steady her when she stood, but other than some slight dizziness she was alright. "Thanks, Cas. I got it now, I think." She slowly began to follow Sam out of the room, being careful not to move too quickly. Her legs felt like water. She made her way to the kitchen, with Cas right behind her the whole way in case she should fall. Yay, food time.

 

~Dean~

 

Dean groaned and rolled over, opening his eyes as he did. Sleeping had helped some but waking up still sucked. He tried to figure out why and he realized with a dull kind of clarity it was because he was alone. It had never really bothered him much before, he was used to being alone. He had only woken up with Maddie once, and already he had become addicted. He wanted her next to him. Waking up to warmth, and a heartbeat and the sounds of another person was just... It was so nice. It felt so good, he couldn't even really explain it to himself. It was contentment and peace and like home. The closest thing he had ever really had to a home was maybe Bobby's. But waking up next to Maddie, it was every feeling of happiness and contentment that he'd ever felt all wrapped up in one. He seriously didn't know how to handle that. God, the only time he was ever as happy as Maddie made him feel was with Cas, and that was confusing as hell. He knew the chances of them sleeping together again were extremely low.

Which meant that he was going to be in a bad mood every time he woke up for the foreseeable future. The thought depressed him and he randomly wondered what time it was. He stretched an arm over to the nightstand to grab his phone. He squinted at the light when he unlocked it. It was a little after five in the evening. He was surprised he had slept that long. Jesus he didn't want to get out of bed right now, but he knew he needed to. He needed to check on Maddie. He decided he could do both things, sort of. He decided to text Sam. He opened his messaging app and typed it out.

D: hey maddie alright? is she awake?  
His phone dinged a minute later with Sam's response.  
S: Why don't you come and check yourself, Dean?  
D: dammit sammy is she alright or not

He should've just texted Cas. That would have been smarter.

S: Keep your head on, Dean. She's fine. She's down here eating.  
S: What did she do to make you go so nuts over her?  
D: what are you talking about  
S: Dude, what am I blind? Anyone can see the way you watch her like she hung the damn stars or something. And she told us she could feel how scared you were when Cas did his magic light show, as she's calling it. Why were you scared? You barely know this girl.  
D: shut up sam. i do not look at her like she hung the stars  
S: Who are you trying to kid, Dean? Me or you?

D: dude just drop it. shes been here like 2 days youre being ridiculous  
S: Yeah. And she's spent most of those two days with you.  
D: do you have a point  
S: She seems pretty attached to you. You guys were nearly joined at the hip last night.  
D: wow thats not creepy at all sam. your inner voyeur coming out

S: You know voyeurism only refers to sex acts, right? And voyeur or not, you two were pretty wrapped up last night.  
D: why do you care so much  
S: I'm your little brother, Dean. What do you expect?  
D: i dont know. maybe a little privacy? some respect? you know, stuff like that  
S: Where's the fun in that? How often do I get a chance to actually make fun of you? Remember who you're talking to.

D: yeah, my stalker brother who is also an asshole  
S: You don't have to be a dick, Dean.  
D: dude. shes just a kid, now will you just shut up  
S: I don't think you're looking at her like a kid. Not with the goo goo eyes you two make at each other.  
D: sam, i swear to god you are five years old. we do not make goo goo eyes  
S: I'm not blind, Dean. And I've known you my whole life. You really think I wouldn't notice. You're acting like you've known her for years rather than days.

D: would it be so fucking bad if it felt like I have known her for years  
S: Ah hah! I knew it!  
D: goddammit its not like that sam. just friggin drop it.

S: Alright. I'll drop it for now. But we're talking about this later.  
D: fucking fine. whatever oprah. we can talk about it later  
S: You actually want to talk about something? Wow, you're coming up in the world. Look at you, acting like an adult and everything. I'm so proud of you.

D: shut it samantha and watch ur mouth bitch i can still kick ur ass  
S: Ha. I'd like to see you try, jerk.  
D: what u wanna bet on that sam  
S: I'm not betting anything with you, Dean. You cheat.  
D: ha u just wont cuz u know im right and could whoop ur ass

S: You're really hilarious, Dean.  
D: i know  
S: Wow. Could you be any cockier?  
D: hell yeah r u kidding ur so lucky  
S: Jesus... Will it ever end?

D: r u in bed with a girl right now  
D: cuz thats what she said :P  
S: Haha. You type like you're a twelve-year-old girl. Are you ever going to learn how to punctuate?  
D: i can punctuate fine, bitch. i just don't.  
S: You know sentences start with capital letters, right?

D: Fuck you.  
S: Your girl down here is asking about you. You should come tell her you're okay.  
D: you are such an asshole sam. seriously  
S: Why are you hiding in your room anyway, jerk?  
D: im not hiding bitch. im just tired.

S: Yeah, okay. That's why you're staying up grilling me about Maddie. You seem very tired.  
D: i havent been grilling you about maddie! youre the one who wont fucking drop it! i swear to god i am shaving your eyebrows off  
D: im going to sleep now.  
S: Actually I need you to come down here for a minute.  
D: why?

S: I want to show you something. Please, Dean?  
D: what, it cant wait for tomorrow?  
S: It could, but please?  
D: fucking fine. ill be down in a minute

 

Dean rubbed his eyes and cursed. His brother was such an asshole. He rolled out of bed and pulled on a shirt. Blearily he opened his door and made his way out into the hallway and down to the kitchen. Sam was playing with his phone, leaned up against the counter, and Cas was sitting at the table next to Maddie. She apparently heard him and turned her head to look. She smiled at Dean when she saw him, and he smiled back tiredly as his heart did that skipping thing. "Hey." She said. "Hey. How're you feeling?" Dean walked over to the cabinet to grab a glass. He wanted some water.

"I'm mostly fine. A little wobbly, and a bit dizzy, but I'm pretty much normal, I guess. You?"  
"Tired. I was going to go back to sleep, but Sam just had to show me something," Dean turned to look at him as he took a drink, "What was it, anyway?"  
"You should be getting it any second now." Sam grinned at him and Dean didn't like it at all.  
"What? You told me to come down here so you could text something?"  
"Yeah, pretty much."  
"God, you're a dick."

"My Father is many things, but I don't think a "dick" is one of them." Cas shot him a dark look. Maddie and Sam started laughing. Dean sighed. "I was talking about Sam, Cas."

"Then why did you say God?"  
"Forget about it Cas, it's nothing."

His phone dinged and he drew it out of his pocket. He had two new messages from Sam. One was a video file and he clicked on it. It was a short video, just about 14 seconds long. When it loaded, he was confused. It was Maddie sitting at the table, focused on her laptop. She was serious-faced, and her shoulders were slumped. Then she turned her head to look at something off camera, and her whole demeanor changed. She smiled, and her eyes grew bright. Her shoulders straightened out. Then the camera moved a bit and it caught Dean in the frame. He looked tired, and then he smiled, and even Dean could see how his body subtly changed to match Maddie's. "Hey," she said, and the video ended. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Maddie look up at him, confused when she heard that.


	6. Can You Trace It?

Sam's message was: See? I told you that you make goo goo eyes.

Dean was horrified. He didn't realize everything had been that obvious. Jesus Christ. He quickly walked out of the kitchen. 

Dean reached his room and he slammed his phone down on the nightstand and threw himself down on the bed. His phone pinged again but he ignored it. It was probably just Sam. He heard slight footsteps out in the hall but he ignored that too. Fuck. He didn't know that he stuff like that when he saw Maddie. And now Sam knew too, and this whole situation just sucked. Sam was not going to let it go until he knew everything, and Dean didn't want to tell him. His phone pinged again but he didn't grab it. He just rolled over on his back and rubbed his hands over his eyes. When his phone pinged again he cursed and grabbed it. Three times was a couple too many for Sam anyway. The first one was from Sam, but he was still just teasing Dean about how he'd pretty much flown out of the kitchen. The other two didn't make any sense. His phone was telling him they were from Maddie, but he'd never put her number in his phone. He opened the first one. 

M: Dean? Umm, it's me. Can I talk to you?

The second one was worse.

M: I'm sorry if I've upset you. I'll leave you alone now. 

"Fuck." She was worried she'd done something wrong. Of course she would think that. Cas probably was too now that he thought about it. He hoped Sam hadn't told them about his little experiment. 

D: you didnt. sam was just being a dick and i didnt feel like dealing with his bullshit

A message pinged back almost instantly.

M: I thought maybe I had done something wrong. You pretty much ran out of the kitchen. Should I ask?  
D: you dont want to know  
M: That's not true. Curiosity streak nine miles wide, remember? But you don't have to tell me.

D: actually.... maybe you should see it  
M: See what?

Dean forwarded the video to her and closed his eyes until he heard his phone ping again.

M: Oh.  
D: yeah... oh

M: Wow... I didn't know I did that.... :/ Sorry  
D: yeah i didnt know i did either. but apparently sam did  
M: I'm sorry, Dean. :(  
D: you dont have a reason to be apologizing  
M: Kinda do. This all started with me.

D: it doesn't matter. i dont regret you coming here, if thats what you were thinking  
M: .... I don't either.  
D: good  
M: Umm, should we do anything about Sam?  
D: like what? hes like a pitbull. he just latches onto a subject until its dead. god im going to be on the butt end of so many jokes

M: Do you think we should tell him?  
D: i dont want to  
M: Can I ask why?

Dean had to think about that one. It was rare that he hid something so big from his brother, and this was important. Why did he want to keep it from him? He wasn't really sure.

D: im not really sure. its just all so complicated and new  
M: Feel that. But you know... hiding it from him is maybe not the best option here...  
D: how so?  
M: Well, if you/we tell him, he'd understand that there was more going on here. If I had to wager a guess I'd say he's treating it like an elementary school crush, right?  
D: its kind of awesome that you know sam so well

M: Lol. I figured. If we let him know that it's something more serious than that, his behavior might change. He's still going to be a grade A dick a lot of the time, but he'll probably be more mature about it, I'd bet. At least a little.

D: you have a point. weird that u know my brother better than i do  
M: Sorry? :P  
D: nah im just frustrated with all this

M: That I am sorry about.  
D: why  
M: Because I made it worse for you. :/  
D: ?

M: Do you remember what happened when Cas was trying to do his angel thing with my soul? When you were in my head?  
D: yeah...  
M: Well, that's your answer. Assuming you remember it all...

Oh... She was talking about the kiss. His lips tingled at the thought. Now what was he supposed to say to that?

D: i really dont know what to say to that. this whole situation is just...  
M: Yeah, I know. Since I seem to be in the habit of making things worse for myself I'm going to add this and hope you don't hate me... I'm not really sorry I did it...Bad?

Dean sighed. Everything had gotten complicated really fast. The last couple of days had been a roller coaster of ups and downs. He was emotionally exhausted.

D: no. not bad.   
M: But? I'm hearing a but in that sentence somewhere.

D: it just makes things harder  
M: Was...was that a pun? :0  
D: oh my god no!  
M: Lol. I was joking Dean. It's okay. ;) I couldn't resist. You've gotta admit, it was right there, lol.  
M: I know what you mean, and I am sorry that it makes things more complicated. It just... I don't know. 

D: dont be shy now  
M: Oh, hush. It's just.. This is new for me too. It's complicated for the both of us.   
D: yeah... ud be right about that

M: I should go ahead and say this now... Shit. I don't think I can.   
D: what is it maddie?  
M: I really can't say it on here... I'm serious. I'm sorry. I just can't.  
D: i want to know. u cant just leave me hanging  
M: I can't type it out, Dean, I'm being for real right now. I thought I could but NOPE. Oh my god... *facepalm

D: is it something thats making u blush

Why the fuck did he ask that? 

M: Always... :/  
D: lol... um, can u trace it

What the fuck was he doing?

M: Are you asking what I think you are?  
D: maybe... if it would help.

Holy hell... He shouldn't be doing this. He was being selfish and asking her to... Shit.

M: Now who's making things complicated?  
D: ha... its probably me   
M: Yeah. It totally is. :)   
M: Do you want me to, Dean? Honestly.

Shit.

D: ....yes...  
M: May I come over?  
D: yeah. im guessing it was u i heard in the hall earlier  
M: You actually heard me?! I'm amazed. Lol  
M: May I come in?

Dean hadn't heard her that time. Go figure.

D: duh

His bedroom door opened a few seconds later and Maddie stepped in. She didn't have her glasses on. She quickly closed the door behind her. Dean sat up on the bed and looked at her, her phone was lit up in her hand.

"Make yourself at home."  
"Ha. You're funny. God, this is awkward."  
"Is it?"

"Mhmm." She hummed her agreement. "I didn't want to be awkward."

"Then don't be. It's only as awkward as you let it be. Come on." Dean gestured for her to come around to the other side of the queen size bed he had bought to replace the twin that had been in here. He was glad he had. She did come around. Hesitantly. Dean laid down on his right side with his head held up by his hand. He gestured grandly at the other side of the bed like a salesperson and she giggled. That's what he had been shooting for. "Come on, Maddie. It's alright." She climbed into the bed slowly and laid how she had been last night, on her left side with the blanket up around her waist. He lowered himself down to where he was just laying his head on the pillow, his right arm under him and his left at his side. They looked at each other for a long moment, Dean could see Maddie's blush even in the darkness. 

Her eyes were shining with moisture. Oh, hell. She was about to cry. "What is it, Maddie?" She reached her hand across the space between them, it was shaking. It stopped an inch from his chest, and he caught her eyes. She looked worried. He gave a strong nod in the affirmative. Then he felt the gentle press of her hand right above his heart. After a second, she lifted it to start tracing. (Is it ok if I...?) 

She was asking if they could lay how they had been last night. He just knew it. Honestly, it was killing him being this close and not touching her. So, just like last night, he opened his arms to her and with only a second of hesitation she slid across the bed and let herself be wrapped up in a hug. Her head was nestled into the space below his face, in the crevice of his neck, and he could feel the shaky breath she exhaled against the column of his throat. It sent goosebumps ghosting along his skin. She sighed deeply, and Dean waited for her to be calm enough to speak, or trace, whatever it was she had come to do. When she spoke she was whispering.

"Some of this I can say out loud, and some of it I can't. I just can't. I just... God. Okay... First though, is this okay, Dean?"  
"It's okay, Maddie. You're not the only one with the connection jones, you know." She gave a weak chuckle against his throat.  
"Fair point. Okay umm... So, Cas told me more today. While you were asleep... About the soulmates thing."  
Oh great... "What did he say?"

"He told me that..." He didn't have to see her to know she was biting her lip, and it killed him. Something about that gesture made her seem so vulnerable, and he just wanted to protect her.

"That the bond our souls have is only going to get stronger. That... umm, this, and last night is normal. He said that we have a particularly strong bond, and that umm... That our souls will..." She sighed. (Yearn 4 connection.) She traced it lightly over where his tattoo lied.   
"That eventually... they will want..." (consummation of bond.)

"I'm sorry, Dean." She whispered it even quieter and she let out a choked kind of gasp. He felt wetness against his throat and guessed she had let the tears spill over. He shushed her and used his right hand to stroke her hair, his left to do the same to her back. "Shh. It's alright Maddie. When you're ready, we'll talk some more, but for right now just breathe." He wondered how he had managed to get into this situation. It wasn't bad, but it could be. Wait for a second, did she think he would... "It's okay. I would never, ever, force you into something you didn't want if that's what this is about."

"I k-know that, D-Dean. It's not l-like that." She whispered, and his heart broke a little. What was worrying her so badly that she was crying?   
"What is it, Maddie? You can tell me." He rubbed his hand soothingly along her back, trying to calm her down.

"Worried the bond will m-make you do things you regret, and I don't want t-that."  
"I'm not going to hurt you, Maddie. I wouldn't."  
"N-No. That's not what I meant. I just.. dammit, where are the words?"  
(Don't want 2 force me onto u. I don't have hang-ups...)  
(Ur worried I don't want u?) Dean was very confused but he had a sinking suspicion he was right.

"Not like that... I mean," (Sexually.) "I - that doesn't factor in right now it's just... I'm worried that you," (Don't want any of this.) "You said you've been left wanting but that doesn't mean that," (U want me.) "Or anything... friendship, or-or c-connection. Any of this. Me lying here right now." (and I do.)  
Her voice was breaking, and so was his heart. God, who had made things so bad for her that she thought so little of herself? He wanted to kill them.

"Shh, Maddie. It's not like that. It's okay."   
"Ever since I got here it's been train wreck after train wreck, and I'm so confused. I don't know what all this is or what it means, or where it's going." 

(Scared, Dean.)  
"Maddie, stop. Shh. It's alright. You're overthinking this, okay? Nothing else matters but this right now. Remember what you said to me this morning? That this isn't like reality?" She nodded. "Okay. Think about that, alright? This is just us, right now. Nothing else. It doesn't matter. Nothing else matters."

(Does this matter 2 u?)  
"Yeah, it does. You don't think this is tying me in knots too?"  
(IDK.) "You don't tell me."

"Sorry. But all this shit that you're feeling, I'm feeling it too. Believe me."   
(Better?) He traced the letters on the back of her neck.  
(A bit.)  
"Was that what was bothering you?"  
(In part.)

(The rest?)  
"I complicated it. I'm sorry."  
"It's alright." He kissed the top of her forehead for some unknown reason, but it felt right. "I'd be lying if I said I minded too much."  
"Is this still ok?" (Not bad?)  
"Not bad. It's alright, Maddie. According to Cas, it's supposed to be like this."

They passed a few minutes in comfortable silence before she spoke again. 

"Dean?"  
"Hmm?"  
(Can I stay?)  
"You mean with me? Tonight?"  
"Yeah..." Her voice was small and unsure. Fuck.

"Do you even have to ask?" He nuzzled her hair like a sap, making her laugh which had been the goal. For some reason probably the way their souls were bonded or whatever, he didn't want her to be sad. And he really didn't want her to leave. He was dropping walls with her he'd had up so long that it was fucking terrifying. 

"I guess not. But I needed to." (Like affirmation. Need it, IG.)  
"Duly noted." That made her giggle.  
"Dean?"  
"Hmm?"

(This real?)  
(Very.)  
(Bad?)  
(Not at all.) "Stop worrying about it. This is fine. We're fine. Nothing else matters."  
"Point."

"Maddie?"  
"Hmm?"  
"Your eyes change color."  
She huffed a soft laugh against his skin. "Yeah, they do."  
"What all colors do they change?"  
"Green, grey, and blue."  
"They're pretty." Fuck. Really? He sounded like a goddamn five-year-old.

"Thank you. Yours are too, Mr. Model." He snorted. "Yeah, right." She moved her head and looked up at him, her face sincere. "No, they really are. Like spring, and rain, and forests..." She was staring into his eyes that she was describing, and the moment became intense. Dean was mildly uncomfortable with it, but it wasn't as bad as he would've thought it'd be. She glanced down at his lip and back up at his eyes quickly. Fuck, how could he resist? He'd been wanting to do this since she had given him that chaste, feather-light one that hadn't even been real. He wanted real. He shouldn't do this...

"Maddie, I shouldn't-"

"Dean." She pulled lightly on his hair, bringing his face up to rest next to her, her eyes were shining in the darkness, and he was conflicted. She glanced down at his lips obviously, then back up to his green eyes. "Please." The word was barely audible. It was a plea. He didn't refuse. Slowly, very slowly, giving her every chance in the world to back away or say no, he leaned over, and she moved her head to meet him in the middle. Entire centuries went by before their lips touched, but when they did, it felt like new galaxies were being born from the nothingness once again. 

 

~Maddie~

 

Dean's warm mouth on hers was everything. His lips were soft but firm, and thinner than hers. She wanted more. She licked along his bottom lip, asking for entry. He gasped and opened his mouth slightly. Maddie took that as a sign, and she dove in with passion. He tasted like chocolate, and pine, that musk, and taste of man that was just all Dean. He groaned as she licked her way into his mouth. Soon, their tongues were fighting for dominance as Dean decided he didn't need to be passive. Thank fuck for that. Dean rose up over her, still lying beside her, but now his chest was over hers, his left arm supporting him, and he took control of the kiss. Maddie couldn't help the moan that escaped her when he did. His mouth on her was urgent and needy, their tongues tangling furiously, tasting each other and exploring, both of them needing the grounding of it. 

This was really happening. Maddie traced her hands up his shoulders and into his hair, causing him to groan into her mouth, which she took as a sign he liked it. Maddie knew she did. Fuck, Dean could kiss. Hot damn, she'd been missing out. She carded a hand through his hair softly, pulling it away from his eyes, and suddenly the act was much more tender and soft, and that was just as good. Dean pulled away and she let out a soft noise of disapproval. He smiled at her. 

 

~Dean~

 

He could not believe he was kissing her. He shouldn't, he really shouldn't. They barely knew each other, but then again, that hadn't stopped him from having sex with strangers he'd met twenty minutes before. But he wouldn't do that to Maddie. His thoughts came to a stop when she licked his bottom lip. He couldn't help the gasp, and then her tongue was in his mouth, searching. Oh hell. She tasted so good, like rain and storms, sweet, rich strawberries, and pure female. It was intoxicating. His rough tongue thrust up against hers, chasing the flavor and being rewarded with a low moan. He rose up over her, still chasing the taste, and began batting their tongues together. He licked the roof of her mouth which was soft, and rough and perfect and so good. Maddie's hands ran up his shoulders, and into his hair where she pulled, sending tingles down his spine and causing him to voice the feeling with a groan. 

He sucked her bottom lip into his mouth, and bit gently, leaving her gasping. The next thing he knew, she was gently carding her hands through his hair, and he pulled away slightly to look at her. Her lips were plump and swollen already, and her cheeks were flushed, and her eyes bright. Damn, she was beautiful. And fuck, they shouldn't be doing this. "Maddie, we shouldn't - I don't-" 

"It's okay, Dean. I don't expect anything from you. When tomorrow comes, nothing changes. Business as usual, okay? If that's what you want." Dean was ashamed of himself but he nodded. He saw the hurt flash in her eyes, but also the understanding. "Okay. Then that's what we'll do. But I want to try this, Dean. Let me?" She was panting slightly, he lips parted which just made him want to nibble on them like it did when she bit her lip sometimes. He nodded again, he had lost his voice.

Her head began to rise up, and he thought about resisting, but what good would it do now? It was too late. Their lips met again, and this time, Maddie took control of the kiss. She grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him down onto her. Somehow one of her legs had gotten under him and around, so now her left leg was wrapped around his waist and he was in between her legs, supporting himself with his arms on either side to keep his weight off her. She kissed him ferociously, and he was extremely surprised by how experienced she seemed with it. For such a shy awkward girl, she was pretty awesome. She sucked on his tongue mid-kiss and it made him groan. Fuck. He felt his body reacting to this young, lithe body underneath him. His cock was hardening, and he didn't want to take it that far with her. 

It wouldn't end well, that he knew. This, what they were doing, probably wouldn't end well. He was surprised when she broke the kiss. He opened his eyes and looked down into hers. "It's okay, Dean. I understand." Her right hand caressed his cheek, then she was pushing him onto his side. She laid beside him and looked him in the eyes. Dean didn't even know what to think. He grabbed their phones from where they were laying in between them and put them on the nightstand. That reminded him. "How did your number get on my phone?"

"I'm guessing Cas's mojo. He didn't bring my phone from home, but he came back today from somewhere and gave that one to me."  
"That's cool."

"Yeah. I like texting."  
"It's easier than talking for you, isn't it?"  
"Yes. Noticed a pattern there have you?"  
Dean laughed. "Maybe."  
"Kudos to you, Mr. Holmes." She sounded sleepy.

"Why thank you, Watson." He poked her in the side and she giggled and jerked. "Ooh... Are you ticklish?"

"Don't you dare." And of course when she said that, he had to. He ghosted his fingers down her side, then started tickling her. She started laughing and tried to jerk away, but he used his right hand to keep her in place. "Dean!" He laughed when she squealed his name and tickled her on her neck with his right hand. She tried to move her head to squish his fingers to keep them from tickling her but he was too fast. He threw his left leg over hers to keep her from kicking, and to pin her in place so she was at his mercy. His hand was all over her, tickling her until she was pink and laughing and gasping. Then her hand started sliding up his hip, tickling him, and he yelped. She started laughing when he made a very unmanly sound as her left hand grazed his stomach and found that he was ticklish there. Oh, now it was an all-out war. He flipped them to where she was on her back and he had his knees on either side of her. 

She squealed again and he found it hilarious. Her hands were still tickling him, he grabbed them and pinned them up above her head with his left hand and began tickling her in earnest with his right. His hand ghosted over her ribs and across her sides, and stomach until she was a giggling, writhing mess. He had no idea how she did it, but she got her right leg free. She brought it up over his head and hooked her knee around his middle and jerked her leg towards the bed. The move made him fall and she took the opportunity to break his hold on her hands. Quick as lightning, she pushed him down on his side, then he was on his back and she was straddling him. She was holding his hands to the bed by leaning on to them and he had no idea how it happened. She was breathing heavily and her hair was wild and hanging down between them. Her eyes and lips were shining wetly, and Dean thought she looked beautiful. Her fingers were intertwined through his, and when he realized that, the moment suddenly became more intimate. She was looking down into his eyes, and she seemed to realize the same, her smile fell a bit. 

She became a bit more serious, but she still looked happy. She bent down over him, they were touching chest to chest now, and her voice was in his ear. "If I let your hands go, can I trust you not to tickle me?"He grinned in the dark. "Probably not." She sighed and the puff of air tickled his ear and sent goosebumps down his spine. "Then I guess we'll just have to stay like this then because if you tickle me anymore I'm not responsible for your injuries. I get violent when provoked, fair warning. I almost broke my brother's nose with a tree branch when I was six because he wouldn't quit spraying me with a water gun."

"Oh wow. That's awesome." He laughed. "But I'm pretty sure I could break your hold, tiny human."  
"I'm pretty sure you could too, Mr. Model." He started laughing. "Whoa," Maddie whispered in his ear as his laughter died down. "What?" He asked curiously. "That felt really weird from up here." She giggled and pulled her hands out of his to cover her mouth as she was laughing. She sat backward, letting her weight settle onto him. 

Now her ass was on his crotch, and he didn't think she had noticed, she was laughing so hard. "What's so funny?" She giggled. "You probably don't want to know." She stifled a yawn. Then she stretched, her arms arching up towards the ceiling, her back curved slightly. His eyes traced a path down the graceful column of her throat, down past her plentiful breasts, past where her waist narrowed, then where her hips curved and widened. That's where the vision ended because it met with Dean's body. She really was beautiful. Pale and graceful, dorky and adorable. This was the most he had actually studied her, and he loved what he saw. A little too much, maybe. He brought his hands up to grab her hips and move her to the bed, but she felt his movement and jerked out of her stretch bringing her arms back down quickly. Her hands encircled his wrists. "No, no more tickling. Please, Dean. I can't take it." She brought his hands up and laid her body down on top of him in the same movement. She nestled her face into the crook of his neck, still holding his wrists with her hands tightly. "I wasn't going to tickle you." 

"Mhmm." The sound was sarcastic, and Dean could tell she was sleepy.  
"Maddie?"  
"Hmm?"  
He didn't answer, but he gently removed her hands from his wrists and brought her arms down to her. He was unsure of what to do next. He thought about it for a moment, and Maddie was quiet.  
"You need to sleep."

"Am, Dean." She began to giggle lightly. "Green bean." Her body was shaking with laughter and pushing her breasts against him. They were firm and round, and he wanted- fuck.  
"Maddie, we need to move."

She made a negative noise in the back of her throat. "Don't wanna. Comfy here. Warm." She hummed an 'M' sound, and he felt the vibrations on his shoulder.  
"We still need to move. Come on. We'll move, then you can sleep."

"Wanna sleep now. Shhh." He smiled at her antics, but they still needed to move, as comfortable as this was. He put his left hand on her waist and gently rolled over until they were both on their sides. She groaned at the move but immediately cuddled up to him. Tonight, she did something different. She wrapped her right arm around his waist and pulled him towards her. She still nuzzled her face into his chest cutely. After a moment she sighed. "Deannnn." She whined. "What?" He asked, bemused. She was really cute and funny when she was sleepy. She made a growling sound and grabbed his arm and pulled it over her. Oh. He had forgotten that. He laughed at her. "You're cute when you're sleepy." He mumbled it into her hair without thinking about it, then he realized what he had said. Oh boy.

"I think I'm adorable." He laughed, recognizing the line from so long ago, then yawned hugely. This was really comfortable, and he was warm and getting sleepy now. He felt movement on his chest and tried to puzzle out what it was. Her left hand had stretched out and now her palm was pressing flatly against his pectoral muscle. He didn't even question it, just pulled the blanket over them both, and closed his eyes. It probably wasn't ten minutes later that he was asleep.

When he woke up he was in exactly the same position as he had been yesterday morning. His head was on Maddie's chest, which was moving gently up and down with her slow breaths. The right side of his head was lying directly over her sternum, and he could hear her heart beating in his ear. He rubbed his cheek back and forth across her chest gently, nuzzling. She made a soft whimpering sound in her sleep and her left hand came up into his hair. Her right hand landed on his cheek, and much like she had yesterday, her thumb stroked across his cheekbone. He was starting to have his doubts about her being asleep. But right now he couldn't get the energy to care. This felt too good. Her thumb fell still but her hand stayed on his cheek. He closed his eyes and just savored the feeling. 

Her shirt had ridden up during the night, and the arm he had thrown across her waist was lying on bare skin, he realized. He pulled his arm back towards himself and she made a soft sound and arched up into the touch. His hand ending up stopping, splayed wide on her stomach, her bellybutton under his palm. He wasn't really sure how that had happened and if he should mind it or not. He decided on not and promptly closed his eyes again. This was so comfortable, he could probably lay here forever. The thought froze for a second and it took him a moment to understand why. He could lay like this forever. Did he want to? Yeah. He wanted to wake up like this every day. He wanted to go to sleep at night next to Maddie, and he realized it was more than a comfort thing. It was an emotions thing. A love thing. Oh hell... He'd only known her for a few days and he was already falling. Falling for a teenager. And he was in love with his best friend, too. He wanted to go to sleep and wake up next to Cas every damn day too. Jesus... Could his life be more complicated right now? 

Actually, it would be better not to ask that question. He would probably tempt fate or something. "Mmm... Dean?" Maddie mumbled above him and he guessed she was awake now. "Morning." He said back to her. He was expecting a response but all he got was Maddie shifting her body slightly. "Sorry about what you saw..." She mumbled again, and Dean thought she might be talking in her sleep now. He wondered what she was talking about. "Dad's an asshole, he... with the quarters..." She whimpered and he raised up on his arms to look at her. 

Her eyes were closed, but her eyebrows were drawn together in a pained expression. "Dean, want you. Sorry for being stupid and a kid... Just want to be happy." She smiled slightly and shifted onto her side into Dean. She murmured into his chest. "Dean makes me happy, Boo. Could love Dean...want to...if he let me...one day..." Her voice trailed off and Dean had to blink a few times because his eyes were prickling. Jesus... This girl had the purest heart. It touched him in a way that surprised him. He was extremely unprepared for the surge of emotions that shot through him. At least he wasn't the only one falling. There was that at least. 

He hoped he didn't wake her up when he did this, but he guessed if she did it was okay. He slid his right hand under her shoulders as he laid down on his back. He used his left to grab her waist and draw her to him. She made a soft sound and mumbled, "S'good, Dean. Warm." He smiled slightly as he tucked her in close to him. Her head was resting on his chest now, much like he had been on hers. He felt her hand slide up his chest and gasped softly when they trailed over his throat. 

They curled back down over the collar of his t-shirt, and then she was holding on to him. She seemed to make a habit of that. It was alright with him. He stroked a hand through her hair and looked at the ceiling. This was crazy, but their lives always had been. He and Sam rarely had anything considered normal. They had a home now, more or less, but it was a mostly underground fortress full of information about pretty much every supernatural thing on the planet. Not exactly normal. But it worked for them, he guessed. It was enough for now.


	7. Pasts, and the Colt 1911

~Maddie~  
~September 10th~

 

When she woke up, she felt pretty good. She didn't regret what had happened with Dean, but she knew it wasn't going to happen again, soul mates or not. Dean was in love with Cas. The video he'd showed her of how they lit up when they saw each other... well, him and Cas did that too. She wondered if Sam knew. Probably. Maddie wasn't stupid. She knew she didn't stand a chance against the years of friendship and trust and love that they had between each other. She wouldn't do that to them. 

They deserved to be happy, and she definitely wasn't going to get in the way of that. She couldn't. That would just be so cruel of her. They deserved some peace and contentment for once. They'd been through worlds more shit than she had, and they needed each other. Maddie was the interloper, the stranger. She wanted them to be happy. Who in the hell would she be to stand in the way of that? She slipped out of bed regretfully. Dean made a soft sound and rolled over onto his stomach when she pulled away from him. She left the room, and gently shut the door.

 

~Dean~

 

Dean woke up humping his mattress and skating the edge of an orgasm. Oh, fuck. His cock was aching, leaking pre-come, and desperate for release. These fucking dreams were going to kill him. He couldn't do this. Not again. The last time it had happened he had felt like shit for weeks. Hell. He rolled over and stared at the ceiling, trying to ignore his throbbing dick as his orgasm slipped away from him. This fucking sucked. His mind was still hazy from sleep and all he could think of was his dream, which wasn't helping his problem go down at all. Hell. Well, that was different. Instead of his usual dream, this one had included a certain grey-eyed brunette. Fuck's sake. That was great.

 

~Castiel~

He wished his humans didn't think quite so loudly. Both of them... wait a moment. When did he start referring to Maddie as his human? She wasn't, nor was Dean. But when he said 'his humans' he was referring to his little family here. Up until quite recently, that had included just Sam and Dean, but apparently, at some point, his mind had equated Maddie as family. Interesting. It had never happened that fast before. Odd. He heard the sounds of them both getting up. Sam was already awake and out running, as was his habit. He had felt Maddie's resolve on a decision, but he couldn't quite see what that decision was. He wondered if it had anything to do with Dean. He supposed it probably did. Last night Castiel had visited Dean right after Maddie had fallen asleep.

Dean had still been awake, but he had not known Castiel was there. He had hidden between planes. Castiel had adjusted his visual focus so he could see Dean's soul. He was fond of doing that. Last night he had seen new streaks of red and pink there, speaking of love. Just the beginnings, yes, but there nevertheless. He knew Dean was holding himself back from it, but he didn't understand why. Maddie was his soul mate, his one true pairing, so to speak. Castiel couldn't remember where he had heard that term, but it fits, certainly. Castiel wondered if he could help them along in some way. Castiel was in despair that he would never get to have Dean after all these years of pining, but he would not deny his friend happiness. Hmm.

 

~Dean~

 

He was in the kitchen eating a bowl of cereal when he felt another presence enter the room. He turned around and was unsurprised to see Maddie. Her hair was damp and secured in a bun at the back of her head, she must've taken a shower. Before he could say anything, she started talking. And surprising the hell out of him. "Do you guys have a place where I could throw knives?" Dean just blinked at her. What? Could she throw knives? Or was she wanting to learn? He would bet the Impala on her just wanting to learn. There was no way she was that bad ass. "Yeah. We've got targets and stuff we set up out back. Why?"

"Because I want to get back into it. It just kind of hit me this morning that I haven't thrown in forever, and I always liked it. Would it be okay if I took a target outside?" Hmm. Apparently, he would've lost Baby then. Interesting. Was she any good? He had to see this for himself. "Yeah, sure. You mind if I watch? I gotta see this." He smiled at her, amused. She arched an eyebrow at him. "Oh, so you don't think the little bookworm can throw a knife, huh? Okay. We'll just see about that, won't we?" She was smirking at him and he wondered if he was missing something here. He had finished his cereal and stuck the bowl in the sink before going to the training room and grabbing a target. In just a few minutes he was walking towards the bunker door with Maddie shadowing him. This was going to be interesting.

~Maddie~

Dean was leading her out of the bunker, wearing his usual t-shirt and flannel. After her shower, Madelynne had put on her black Mikey Rules! shirt, and her favorite pair of dark jeans. No one ever got the West Coast Choppers reference. Literally no one. Her hair was wrestled into a messy bun at the back of her head, but she didn't care. She was going to be throwing knives, she couldn't have her hair in her face, or flying around, it was distracting as well as extremely annoying. She cleaned her glasses as they walked. Dean was holding her set of throwing knives for the moment so she could use both hands to complete the task. When she was finished and had them back in place she got them back again. She was eternally grateful that Cas had grabbed those. He had pretty much grabbed everything remotely important to her and stuffed it in the duffle bag, leaving behind all the bullshit. It was actually really freeing.

She followed Dean outside wordlessly and stopped when the door shut behind her and she got the first breath of cool air in her lungs. It was September, so it probably wasn't going to very warm today, and right now it was cool and dew still lay heavily on the grass. She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply, feeling the cold air spread gooseflesh over her exposed arms. She heard Dean stop walking and presumably turned around to look at her, but he didn't say anything. After a second she opened her eyes and gestured that they could start walking again. He didn't ask, and she didn't say anything. The silence was comfortable as she followed him around to the back(?) of the bunker. There were lots of tall trees hulking around, swaying in the slight breeze. They found themselves in a clearing, more or less. 

Dean set up a target, similar to the kind that people used for archery practice, she had no idea where it came from.Madelynne started taking off all her bracelets and putting them in her jean pockets. Four from her right wrist, and three from her left. The three on her left were all beaded ones she had made, and the ones on her right were braided in black and white hemp string. One of the ones she kept on that wrist to was a thin yellow band that said Equality, nothing more, nothing less. She had gotten it for doing a survey online about pansexual acceptance in her area that she had lived. Not many people knew she was pan. It was one of her more closely guarded secrets. Only her unofficial sister-in-law, her actual sister, and a girl she had dated knew about it. 

Maddie opened up the case that held her throwing knives. It was one of the only things she kept that had come from her father. She didn't like that they were from him, but that's where she had gotten her education, at least the beginning of it, and he had gifted her this set when she got good enough to use them. It was a set of eight. They were a dark metal that gleamed dully with iridescence in the light, like an oil slick. They were smooth and wicked sharp, about six inches long. She took one out and tested the weight in her hand, getting used to it again.She spun it in her fingers easily and threw it in the air before grabbing it neatly out of the air and spinning it through her fingers again. When she looked up from her knife Dean was looking at her with wide eyes. "Okay, that was cool. How'd you learn to do that?"

"Trial and error. My father taught me how to throw knives after he came back from prison. I was fourteen at the time. He also showed me how to handle a gun. The tricks, like spinning the knives between my fingers, are things I learned on my own time. I've got a couple of scars from it, but not many. I've always had an affinity for them."  
"Are you ready for the target practice? I'm curious about this."

Maddie grinned, feeling the joy trickle through her veins at getting to throw her knives again. "Absolutely." She grinned widely. "Unless you're really into trust games you should probably move, though." Dean jumped a little, he was standing right in front of the target. She knew that he could lay his hand on it and she could place a knife between every one of his fingers without nicking him, but she didn't think he would appreciate that game much. He walked over to where he was standing beside her, not too close, and he silently watched the show. Maddie tuned everything else out. She held the smooth metal blade in her hand. It transitioned from blade to handle without so much as a seam. It was just one long line of cold, wicked metal. She balanced it on her forefinger for a moment before tossing it in the air and grabbing it by the blade, holding it between her fingers. Some people held it by the handle part that didn't have an edge on it, but she preferred this style.

She held it by the blade, and drew her elbow out in front of her, keeping it low, placing the blade by her ear. As was her habit right before she threw a knife, she scraped her nail down the cool metal and listened to the blade sing lightly. It made her neck tingle, and she loved the sound. It was so badass. She grinned widely. She drew in a deep breath and judged the distance between herself and the target. It was almost directly in front of her, at a distance of about 15 feet. Not really challenging, she'd just have to throw it hard enough that the blade didn't arch down to the ground. She wanted it to hit dead center in the circle in the middle of the target. She released her pent up breath and flung her arm out with a lightning quick strike of coiled force. The blade flew through the air and landed on the target with a light thunk sound. She smiled with delight. She had hit the center dead on. Energy and happiness coursed through her in a fast tidal wave. "Holy shit." Dean looked awestruck and it made her incredibly happy.

 

~Dean~

 

"Holy shit," Dean said. That was awesome. The girl threw knives like she had been born for it. He walked over and inspected where the blade had hit the target. Right directly in the very center. The knife was embedded deeply into the little red circle, the edges of it not even going outside the circle. Damn. That was really hot. She definitely knew her way around a blade. That thing she'd said earlier about trust games had gotten to him and he wondered what she meant by that and he thought about it as he pulled the knife out of the target and walked back to Maddie who was beaming. Her smile sent that little jolt through him like it always did. He handed the knife back to her carefully. That blade was damn sharp. "That was awesome. Can you do it again?"

"Oh yeah. Check this." She grabbed another blade from the black box where they were nestled in the fabric. She held one in her right hand, and one in her left. Dean watched in astonishment as she closed her eyes and drew the blades back. She let them fly at exactly the same time, her arms flinging them with speed and deadly accuracy. Dean could see even from here how they had hit. They were side by side, probably touching, dead center in the middle of the target."Oh my god, what are you?" Maddie giggled and it reminded him who exactly he was admiring. This nerdy awkward girl who blushed easily and stumbled over words was an absolute badass with a blade. Jesus, he was screwed. Falling so hard. He walked over and expected the knives embedded in the target. They were only a hair's breadth apart, not even a centimeter, and perfect in the center of the circle. "Dude, you are amazing. This is so cool." Dean knew he was acting like an excited puppy, but this was awesome.

"Thanks. Can you throw?"  
"Yeah, but not like you can. I've never seen anybody throw like that."   
"Gracias. Want to see more?" Dean absolutely did. He pulled the knives from the target and brought them back to her. For the next thirty minutes, he watched this amazing girl hit the center dead on every single time. Soon he started requesting that she hit certain circles, even going and far to move the target farther and farther away from her. She never disappointed, she always hit exactly where he asked her to. She was so fucking awesome. And that was freaking hot, the way she handled knives, holy crap. A new thought occurred to him.

"Hey, are you the same with a gun?" She breathed a laugh and started putting her knives back in the box. She waggled her eyebrows at him. "Wanna find out?"   
"Oh yeah." If she had the same skill with a gun as she did with a set of knives there was no way in hell he'd keep her from a hunt if she wanted to go. The thought actually scared the piss out of him, which surprised him. She would be an amazing asset in a fight with skill like that. She grabbed her case and looked up at the target. "What should we do with that?"

"Maybe you should hang it up on your wall so you can brag about it."  
"Read my mind, did you?"

He chuckled and went to grab it. They walked back into the bunker chatting comfortably about unimportant things. He was excited to see how she was with a gun. If she was even close to how good she had been with the knives he'd have to show Sam and Cas and try to convince them to take her on a hunt. He'd bet now that she'd be fantastic. She had a cool analytical mind, she weighed circumstances carefully, and chose the best course. Not something he and Sam had always been the best at. They'd tried to do the right things, but well... Maddie deposited her shoes and knives in her bedroom. She threw the tattered target on her bed with a laugh and had followed him down to the range. Sam was strangely absent, but Cas had been in the library doing research for a hunt he and Dean were looking into when they passed through. He had said Sam was doing some research in the storage room, which wasn't exactly out of character for him.

He led Maddie down to their range. She gasped in surprise when he led her into the large room that housed some of their gun stores. He crossed the room and opened up the metal cabinet where they kept the guns and their ammunition, all neatly labeled with Sam's handwriting. Dean's handwriting looked like chicken scratch, so for safety's sake, Sam had taken on the responsibility of labeling. He grew out a couple of handguns, not knowing what Maddie would be more comfortable. He grabbed a box of ammo and walked over to the weird counter thing they had. It had separators on it, there were three little closed off spaces for a person to stand and shoot in. They went through the middle of the room pretty much, and it opened up space in front of it to put the targets and actually practice. He laid the box of ammo and the guns on the counter and started loading his. Maddie walked over and picked up the other gun. She gasped loudly.

 

~Maddie~

 

"Oh, my God." Madelynne nearly whispered it. Holy shit. Dean was the absolute best person ever. This was quite literally her favorite firearm on the planet, and she had never gotten the chance to shoot one. "What?" Dean asked worriedly. She wasn't even looking at him. She was turning the gun over and over in her hand, inspecting it. "This is a standard Colt 1911. Oh, lordy." Dean arched an eyebrow at her, asking a silent question. She drew her focus from the gun to actually look at him as she spoke. "This is my favorite gun of all time. I totally fangirled over this. This is the same as the one you used to use. Oh lord. I've never gotten to shoot one before. Holy shit, I'm excited." She talked too much when she was excited, she knew, but it didn't matter right now. Dean had gone and picked out her favorite gun in the universe and now she would get to shoot it. It was literally a dream come true. Her heart beat wildly and happiness spiraled through her system... Because of Dean, she realized.

 

~Dean~

 

Maddie's eyes were shining with excitement. She was fawning over the gun, looking at it with something like awe. It was kind of funny. He had loaded his Desert Eagle and inspected it to make sure everything was working properly on it. Maddie loaded the Colt with a facial expression that spoke of a deeply religious experience. This girl really had been made in a computer for him. So Weird Science. Dean hung the paper target on the hooks in both of their booths and pressed the button on the wall to get the tracts to reverse and take the targets to the other side of the room. They were shaped like people, vaguely, and had the fatal areas marked with circles. It had been awhile since he'd been down here and he was excited. He didn't need the earplugs, he was used to the noises, but he offered some to Maddie. 

She shook her head no and whispered breathily, "I want to hear it." He really should have asked her if she knew how to properly stand and all that, but she seemed familiar with the process, so he didn't. He guessed if she didn't know that she would have asked. He watched as she adjusted her stance, and raised her arms with her right hand wrapped around the butt of the gun, and her left cupping the bottom. Her finger wasn't on the trigger yet, which was the proper way to do it, so he breathed a little sigh of relief. "What part are we aiming for?" Maddie asked.

"Headshots?"  
"Sure. I wonder who's better at handling a gun, me or you?"

Dean didn't know, but he was excited to find out. He was sure he had way more experience shooting than Maddie did. "Alright. Let's do this." His Desert Eagle was bigger than her Colt and held eight bullets, just like hers did. His gun made a deep booming sound when he pulled the trigger. The recoil wasn't anything at all to him and he fired off the eight shots calmly and slowly, aiming right between the eyes. Maddie handled the gun better than he had thought she would, pulling the trigger in a quick succession, making the sounds bounce off the concrete walls and reverberate back and forth. When she emptied the clip she smiled brightly and looked over at him. "That was so awesome. Let's see who's a better shot." She said brightly. Dean smiled at her enthusiasm, it was refreshing. He hit the button that brought the targets forward for them to inspect. All of his bullets but one had hit within the circle he had been aiming for. And it wasn't far off, not even an inch. 

He was satisfied with that. He looked over at Maddie's. Shit. All of her bullets had landed in the circle, they weren't as on point as her knife throwing had been, but she had done better than he had, which was saying something considering how much he used his gun. "Ha! Whoa. I win. I'm awesome. I didn't even know I could do that. I usually suck ass at handguns. This is my lucky charm. That is so cool."He smiled. "Do you want to keep that?" He gestured to the gun still in her hand. Her eyes widened. "Are you serious?"  
"Yeah."

"Oh my God, thank you!" And then he had an abundantly happy Maddie hugging him, as she seemed to have a habit of doing when she was happy. She let him go and her cheeks were pink and her eyes were shining. "You're awesome. Thank you."  
"You're welcome. You wanna go again?"

"Uh, absolutely!" She excitedly started reloading her new gun.

 

~Castiel~

 

Unbeknownst to either of them, Castiel watched them as they repeatedly loaded and expelled bullets from their firearms. Madelynne truly was an excellent shot. She would be very useful on a hunt. He wondered if Dean would allow her to hunt with them. He would most likely refuse. Perhaps he could be persuaded. He wasn't sure if he himself was entirely comfortable with Maddie being on a hunt. Humans were so very fragile. Over the last year that he'd heard her prayers, Castiel felt he had grown close to her. She was a vulnerable person and very sensitive to other people's pain. Before he had brought her to this dimension he had gone and observed her several different times. He wanted to see what her life was like before he made a decision as to what to do about her situation. If had been possible to change it in some other way, besides removing her, he would've. That would have involved smiting several people, wiping various memories, and relocating her to a new location. 

It was a complicated situation. He knew he had made a good decision now, however. What with her and Dean's bond, which seemed to be growing by the hour, it seemed meant to be that he had heard her prayers from another dimension. It was very odd that that had happened, and he wondered if his Father had something to do with it. Maybe this was Divine Providence. Dean's soul had a very strong connection to Maddie's. As friends, or perhaps partners, their relationship was growing quickly.

It was nice to see him so happy. Castiel could feel the want and tension coming off Dean everytime they were in close proximity to each other. Castiel knew that Dean desperately wanted someone to love, that he wanted to be loved in return. He had been yearning for it longer than he knew. Castiel hoped that bringing Maddie here was the turning point for the Winchesters, Dean as well as Sam. Sam had been acting oddly since she had arrived, and Castiel wanted to address it, but he wasn't quite sure how to do that. The internet was useful sometimes but often provided him with faulty or inaccurate information. Maybe he should ask Dean to speak with him? No, he decided quickly. Dean would be far too protective of Madelynne, and Sam would reject answering the questions. Dean was not good with feelings. Sam called him emotionally constipated, but that wasn't entirely true. Dean was perfectly capable of feeling and did just like a normal person. 

Dean just didn't think he was worthy of feeling good things. He has an incredibly large martyr complex, as well as a hero complex. Castiel knew he suffered from a form of posttraumatic stress disorder. Dean dealt with survivor's guilt, as well as recurring nightmares, and recurring images and thoughts that were painful for him. The Righteous Man had suffered much to get where he was, but it was a testament to his strength that he had come this far. Castiel loved him for it. He hadn't known it, but when he laid his hand on Dean's soul in Hell, he had planted the first seed of what was to become a profound and strong bond between them.Castiel had slowly realized that not only did he respect and admire Dean for his strength and finesse as a hunter, but that he admired him as a person. Then Castiel had realized he liked Dean. Truly liked him. It had been a very odd feeling at the time. As Castiel had grown fonder of the hunter he had found excuses to be near him and had eventually realized that he loved the man. 

He had realized it when he had become human, and it had absolutely terrified him at the time. Emotions had been so new, and so overwhelming. He had been scared that Dean would reject his affections, or even worse, not want Castiel around anymore. He couldn't bring himself to risk it at the time. Castiel understood now that Dean did love him, and that he needed him like Castiel needed Dean, but Dean refused to acknowledge them. He would not accept that he felt more for Castiel than friendship, though he did feel it. Dean felt he didn't deserve love or happiness, and Castiel could not think of a reasonable argument that would convince the stubborn hunter otherwise. And now, Dean had found his soul mate, so of course, Castiel was not going to push. They needed to be together. If not for their sake's then for his own. If he couldn't have Dean at least Castiel could know he was truly happy. Dean needed to know that he was worthy of love. 

Castiel was still working out his plan, his exact plan of attack, but he would soon have a working battle plan. He had been the best tactician of his garrison, he was excellent at working around weaknesses and finding the best ways to utilize strengths. He would have to tread very carefully with Dean. If he noticed what Castiel was doing he would shut it down immediately and it was unlikely that Cas would get another chance.The last thing he wanted to do was ruin the bond they shared. The time they spent together was precious to Castiel. Even when they were just watching a movie together, Castiel felt content just being with Dean. Lately, Castiel had been craving physical touch more and more. Hugs had become more enjoyable, and even just casual shoulder touching was pleasant and left Castiel's body tingling. He did not know what had caused this change, but he was not worried about it. 

He rather liked it. Castiel watched Maddie and Dean interact with each other comfortably, as if they'd known each other for years rather than days, and was reminded of the fact that that didn't matter now. Castiel felt confident that their bond would grow successfully and they would eventually consummate it and possibly bear children together. It made Castiel glad to see his best friend falling in love. Dean had a real chance at happiness now. As well as Madelynne. He could feel that they both wanted but were holding themselves back from it. Dean had his reasons, but Madelynne, well... He didn't wonder why she was hesitant. He understood. She had never experienced a healthy relationship with anyone. Every relationship that she had, familial or otherwise, was tainted with abuse or neglect. She had never known true love, not even from her mother, who Madelynne loved dearly, even now. But she also had strong feeling of disgust and near hatred for her. 

Madelynne had felt helpless for a lot of her childhood, and Castiel admired her strength. When Madelynne was seven years old her father had abandoned them with their mother.A single woman without a college education and with three children, well, the circumstances hadn't been the best. They hadn't even been adequate at times. Castiel knew she had spent a portion of her life homeless, and a large chunk of time living without electricity or access to running water. When Madelynne had been eight years old, still very much a child, her brother had moved out of their house, she had had to step up and take care of her sister, who was three years younger than her. She had become very much a parent to her, much like Dean had to Sam, he realized. He wondered when that would come to light. 

It would draw Dean and her together, he knew, because Dean would respect her for it, and he would sympathize. They were similar people, each feeling that they should have been able to do more in past situations, each feeling guilty. He really did believe that bringing Maddie here would be a turning point for the Winchester brothers. He could only hope that the change would aid him in his endeavor to get Dean to admit his feelings. Castiel hoped desperately for that. With that thought he flapped his wings once, bringing himself out of the hidden space he had made for himself, and he went off to check on Sam, leaving his friends to each other.

 

~Maddie~

 

Madelynne was just so fucking excited about this gun. She couldn't believe that of all the guns Dean could've pulled out and given to her it had been a freaking Colt 1911. That was just so cool. And she had been a better shot than Dean. Only by a smidge, but still. Whether you lose by an inch or a mile... She loved the Fast and Furious movies, and that quote was awesome. She could just here Dom rumbling it with his awesome voice. Yum. Vin Diesel was totally a celebrity crush of hers. She was sitting at the kitchen table, watching Dean make something he called a Winchester Special. He was humming lightly and swinging his hips slightly to Forever by Papa Roach. It was playing on her laptop. As she watched his muscles move and shift under his T'shirt she- Well... Hot damn. She realized that the song lyrics were kind of fitting to their situation.

"In the brightest hour, of my darkest day  
I realized what is wrong with me  
Can't get over you, can't get through to you  
It's been a helter-skelter romance from the start.  
Take these memories that are haunting me..."

Papa Roach's voice was all kinds of awesome, and Maddie loved this song.

"Because days come and go but my feelings for you are forever  
Because days come and go-oh but my feelings for you are forever..."

She hadn't realized she was singing along until Dean turned around to look at her. She stopped self-consciously. She never really sang in front of people. "Wait, no. Keep singing. Don't stop on my account." They locked eyes as she started hesitantly singing again.

"One last kiss, before I go  
Dry your tears. It is time to let you go.  
One last kiss, before I go, dry your tears  
It is time to let you go.  
Because days come and go, but my feelings for you are forever  
Because days come and go-oh but my feelings for you are forever."

She finished out the song without breaking eye contact, and unless she was crazy Dean was blushing. She must be crazy. She decided to pick out a new song. Papa Roach's No Matter was playing, and it was a little too soft and sad after the moment they'd just had. Dean cleared his throat and turned around and went back to whatever it was he was doing. Maddie searched through her music, trying to find the appropriate song. She decided a rap song would break the weird moment that had settled over them. She clicked on her rap playlist and it started playing Beautiful by Eminem. Fucking yes. She loved this song. She was singing along to it without a second thought now.

"I'm just so fucking depressed, I just can't seem to get out this slump  
If I could just get over this hump but I need something to pull me out this dump  
I've took my bruises took my lumps, fell down and I got right back up  
But I need that spark to get psyched back up in order for me to pick the mike back up..."

Dean turned around with an astonished look. "Are you rapping to an Eminem song?" Maddie laughed. "Oh yeah. I love Eminem."  
"Seriously?"  
"What, you got something against Eminem?"  
"No. I just didn't peg you as an Eminem kind of girl."   
"And what exactly kind of girl did you peg me as?"  
"I don't know. Maybe thought you were into stuff like Ed Sheeran and Demi Lovato, or something."

Now Maddie was just insulted. "I may be a teenager, but I'm not that generic. Jesus. I happen to like both of those singers, but I like a lot of other stuff too. Crazy stuff."  
"Oh really?" He didn't sound like he believed her. She was about to show him something that'd blow his little stereotyping mind.  
Maddie grinned widely. "Oh, you have no idea. I like pretty much every genre of music there is. You ever heard of ICP?"  
"No, what's ICP?"  
"Insane Clown Posse. Here, listen to this." She put on ICP's In My Room and mentally started laughing.

"Two forty-five and the bell went off, thank God.  
Many people think I'm odd, but I talk with no one and I walk alone, and I avoid sunlight with a chalky tone,  
Get home don't say hi, there ain't no one there  
I don't care walk in and go right up the stairs  
To my room, get in bed and just wait for dark, cuz that's when the real show starts.  
Tap, tap on the glass, for a piece of ass, so young and pretty it's too bad she passed,   
But she comes to my room and we talk at night, she's demonic and bloody but she holds me tight,   
In my bedroom, with her I'm never alone, and I kiss her cold lips until the morning comes  
She's gone but I still her voice, but she only exists in the dark of my room.  
Love,   
I can't ignore it,   
In my room,   
Do anything for ya,   
Tap tap, love  
I do adore ya  
Tap tap for a piece of ass  
Love, I can't ignore ya,  
In my room, Do anything for ya, tap tap, love  
I do adore ya,   
Tap tap for a piece of ass

Try to smile a lot but I'm always fronting  
But I do love a ghost and at least that's something..."

Dean looked at her without expression. "What?"  
"You are way more twisted than I give you credit for." They both laughed.   
"Do you actually like this song?"

"Dude, I love this song. Wait for this part. The ghost cons him into killing the neighbors with a shotgun and a knife. Check it out."   
Dean listened until the song was over and grimaced. "That was gruesome. And you really like that?"  
"Yeah. You're funny. It's what you get for stereotyping." Maddie grinned at his back. He turned around and presented a plate to her with an epic sandwich on it. She didn't know what was on it, and she didn't care. It looked delicious. "Thanks, Dean." 

"You're welcome. Hope you like it." He sat down opposite her and dug in, so she did the same. They were halfway through their meals before either of them spoke again. Dean said, "So what other kinds of music do you like?"

"I like pretty much literally everything. I mean, seriously. It's impossible to explain, here look." She clicked her music to where it was showing everything she had downloaded and turned her laptop around for him to see. "It's a touchscreen, you can just scroll. He did as she gestured and his eyes widened subtly."You have everything from Ludacris to Conway Twitty on here. Zepplin, Metallica, Pink Floyd, that's awesome... Bon Jovi, Rihanna, Katy Perry, Limp Bizkit, Drake, Eminem, Tech N9ne, Struggle... Jesus... Carri Underwood, The Band Perry, George Jones. Okay, wow. Wow. You have The Beautiful Blue Danube on here? And a playlist of Mozart... That's just hilarious. You make me think of Sam. Is there anything you don't like?" Maddie had to think about it for a minute. "Literally nothing is coming to mind. Oh, no wait. Meghan Trainor's music. Any of it. I hate it all, it gets stuck in my head and I can't stand it. "

Dean started laughing and his hand moved across the screen. "Whoa. Uh..." Maddie was concerned. What was he looking at that had put that look on his face? Nothing embarrassing should have been open. "What?" Madelynne said, turning her laptop back around to look at it. It was her screensaver. It was a picture of Jared, Misha, and Jensen being weird. Misha had on ice skates and Jared and Jensen were kind of holding him up off the ground. Jared had grabbed Misha's leg and was holding it out, and Misha had his arms thrown around both their shoulders. "Oh. Yeah, sorry. Supernatural fan." Madelynne felt her cheeks heating. Dammit.

"No, uh, it's cool. Just a little weird to see myself doing something I have no memory of. Looks like fun though."  
"Yeah. Jared and Misha are absolute goofs. Jensen is generally the serious one, as surprising as that is."

"Yeah, that's backward. Do you have more pictures?"  
"Uh, yeah. Why?"  
"I was just wondering. Can I look?"  
Maddie eyed him over her laptop screen. "Seriously? Why?"  
I don't know. I'm curious what we're like in your dimension. I don't know much besides that we're all actors."  
"Uh... well, alright, I guess."

Maddie opened her photos and clicked on her Supernatural pics folder. She moved her Destiel folder into a different folder under Random. He probably didn't want to see that. She turned her laptop back around and handed it to him. He started laughing immediately as he scrolled through the numerous pictures. "Holy crap. I totally get why people ship Destiel and Wincest. Those guys are all over each other."

"Eh, they're best friends. They all describe each other as brothers, and they've worked together for years, closeness is only natural, but it does keep the rumors alive. They're all really great guys."

Dean continued looking for a few minutes then he said, "So, do you have pictures of your family on here?"  
"I do." She said carefully, glancing up at him. Did he want to see? It was okay if he did, it's just... Well, she really didn't know. It made it more real about what she was leaving behind, she guessed. She missed Lorretta and Sylus like crazy. "Would you like to see?"   
"Yeah, if it's okay with you." She nodded. "Yeah, it's fine."

 

~Dean~

 

Dean was a bit surprised she was letting him look at pictures of her family, she seemed a little uncomfortable. Maddie brought her chair over to his side of the table and sat next to him so she could work the computer and point out who people were. She opened a folder marked Family, and it brought up a bunch of subfolders, each labeled specifically. "Anybody you want to see first?" She asked, looking up at him. "Your sister?"

"Okey-doke." She moved the mouse over a folder labeled Me and Boo, and clicked it. A series of photos popped up, there was a lot. She and Lorretta were together in every photo. They were laughing, and being goofy, playing to the camera. Her sister looked extraordinarily like Maddie, with a few differences. Her sister had much darker eyebrows than she had, even though her hair was lighter. Her face was a little more pointed than Maddie's, and she had a pug nose and very prominent front teeth, but they had a lot of similarities, too. Their eyes and lips were the same shape, and they both had round cheeks and wide smiles. No one would doubt they were sisters. "What's she like? She looks fun."

"She is. She's a lot more outspoken than me, and not awkward or shy or anything. She's really sensitive about what people say about her though. She gets hurt just as easily as I do, except where it makes me more sad than mad, she gets more angry than sad. She likes music just like me. She doesn't like horror movies because they scare the hell out of her. She's really funny, and she talks to strangers pretty easily. Me and her are almost night and day on somethings, but on others, we're exactly the same. Me and Boo have always been close. More so after Mom died. We can read each other's expressions to the point that we don't need words to have a conversation. We can also read each other's lips. We have a lot of silent conversations. 

I can walk in a room and immediately know what mood she's in, she's the same with me... I was pretty much her mom for a lot of years after my father left. My mom was an alcoholic, and she'd go to work or pass out drunk, but either way, it left me in charge of Boo, 'cause my brother left when he was thirteen. I was seven at the time, but I'd help her with her homework and get her up and dressed for school, and try to keep her fed. It was hard but I never let her go hungry. We were always really close as a result. She calls me LeAnn when she's mad at me. She picked that up from Mom. Boo can be pretty crazy sometimes, and she's really hilarious. She writes and records her own raps. She likes to write like I do. She does good in school, but she's not super brainy. She used to play basketball, and that girl inhales chicken nuggets like they're air. Sorry. Shit. I didn't mean to say so much, it just kind of happened."

Dean's heart ached with sympathy for her. She had been like Dean. Dean had always taken care of Sam, even if it meant him being hurt, or not eating, and it hadn't been easy on him. Maddie had that role with her sister. The thought struck close to home. "You sound like you miss her." He said softly, trying to judge her reaction. She sighed slightly, and her eyes were sad. He wondered if she was regretting her decision to come here. "I do. That's not anything new though. We haven't lived together in over a year."

"Why were you guys separated?"  
"It's a bit of a long story..."  
"I've got time."

"Well, alright, if you really want to hear it... A week and a half after Mom died my father moved about an hour and a half away. He moved in with his girlfriend, Terisa. He left us with my Aunt Victoria and my Granny. Aunt Vi was nice enough to take us in, though she couldn't afford it at all, and nobody got along. I was always the peacemaker. But anyway, after about a year of living all together, I um, I went to stay with my brother for a couple of months. His girlfriend had started a new job, and Bj was working the same shift as her, and they didn't have anyone to watch the kids. I had stayed with them a few times, and we'd lived together off an on for years, so it wasn't too hard to integrate. I was only supposed to stay about three months, but after Bre finished training for her new job her schedule didn't change like it was supposed to, because of a change in the company's policy or something. They didn't have anybody else to watch the boys, so I decided to stay and help. I couldn't just leave them and go back home. 

They needed the money, and Bre had gotten a really good job. I felt bad about it, but I was more needed at their house. Me and Boo had been fighting for months because she had kind of started coming out of the numbness from Mom's death, so I thought some time apart would be good. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and all that. I didn't know I'd end up staying with them for so long. I pretty much moved out, except I didn't have any of my stuff. Except for the few times I've gone to visit Boo I haven't slept in a bed in a year. My bed, and bookshelves and a large chunk of my stuff are actually still there at their house. Boo sleeps on my bed, actually. I slept on the floor at home. I was the live-in babysitter. We had moved to North Carolina from Tennessee, but Bre and Bj's shifts had still not coincided in a way that left one of them home the same time the other was at work. That's what I was doing up until Cas came and got me."

Oh. Dean hadn't known any of that. He had thought she lived with her father. Jesus what a fucked up father, too. Moved in with his girlfriend a week and a half after his wife died, leaving his kids with their aunt. That was seriously fucked up. God...Wait a second, she'd been living with them for a year and babysitting. "What about school? Shouldn't you still be in high school?" She smiled thinly and looked at the pictures on the laptop.

"Actually I was supposed to graduate in May. I've been homeschooling myself online for four years now. My teachers decided I should be skipped from the seventh grade to the ninth, and I was terrified. The school I had been going to that year had 280 students. I was going to be going to a giant high school, with a class of people that hated me. I don't know what I did to piss off the eighth grade, but only two of them liked me. The rest pretty much hated me. I didn't want to go to the high school, so I researched and presented the idea to my mom. I knew my dad would immediately say no, so I had to go through Mom first. By some miracle I got them to agree and I went homeschool. I started doing classes online, and then we moved a couple months later. 

"We didn't have internet the entire time we lived there, which was about eight months before we moved back. It was only four months after we moved back, to the day, that my mom died and we moved in with Rosie. Our internet there sucked, Granny's house is in BFE, so I had to do my school at night. I'd stay up until about six in the morning to do it. It wasn't really easy. Then we moved again, and it took forever to get internet. Five months after we moved to a new house, I moved in with Bj. They couldn't afford internet, so I went without it. We got it for a few months, then we lost it in October. We haven't had any since. I'm still in freshman classes in my school. It's awful, but that's how it is. I was planning on just going to get my G.E.D, and hope I scored high enough to get a scholarship or something so I could go to college. If not, I was going to work my way through it. I was just waiting until I turned eighteen."

Good god... Dean just wanted to hit almost every single person in her family. They had denied her of an education, not just for a little while, but for years, when she obviously had a dream to go. She was passionate about school, and she hadn't been allowed that. She'd been stuck babysitting for over a year, separated from her sister. It sounded like they had used her, to Dean. No wonder she was like she was. She had been raising her sister since she was a kid because her brother had left, and then her mom had died, and her dad had left. As fucked up as the situation was, the last one had probably been a blessing to her from what he'd heard about him. "I'm sorry, Maddie. We don't have to talk about this." She smiled to placate him, but it didn't reach her eyes. This was heavy, and painful for her. "It's alright. I didn't really realize how fucked up it all sounded till I said it out loud. I've been so stupid... Like a fucking doormat." She muttered. Dean grimaced at her tone. He knew the feeling. "Hey, it's alright. You're here now, right?" This time the smile was genuine and it made him feel better. "Yeah. I'm here now. Do you want to see some more people? I have a big family."

"Yeah, sure." He agreed easily, but he was wondering if this would be a can of worms too. He didn't mind listening, he knew a lot more now than he had and he liked that, but he didn't like that it had upset her. She opened a new folder and started pointing people out. "This is my Aunt Flo. She died when I was like twelve, but she was awesome. She was definitely one of my favorite aunts. She was a lot like Boo, actually. She taught us how to do makeup. She was an expert, and I learned a lot, but I hate wearing the shit now. Boo does her face every day, I used to tease her about it. That's my Granny." She pointed out an elderly woman who had iron-gray hair that was sticking out everywhere and was wearing a plaid overshirt. She was thin and she was growling at the camera jokingly. 

Dean laughed. She looked feisty. "She's a nutball, but I love her for it. She's an artist. She likes to draw naked people, as weird as that is. And she has a serious addiction to coffee, but that's my Granny. That one is my Aunt Vi." She pointed to a large woman who had a wide smile, and black curly hair all around her head. "She's a goofball too, but she has a temper like my father's. She's kind of like the female version of him, minus the alcohol. She can be an absolute bitch, but she can also be really kind, it's a weird mix. She tells interesting stories." They looked at pictures for well over an hour, and Dean listened intently the entire time. He found this strangely interesting, and he really wanted to know more about Maddie. Everything. Which was weird. She explained her family and shared different little facts and stories about them. They were an interesting group of people to say the least. He wondered it'd be like to have a big family.

 

~Maddie~

 

That night Maddie slept in her bed. It was horrible. She barely slept at all, waking up from nightmares every time she fell asleep, she was just lucky she hadn't been screaming. She waited until she heard signs of life then got up and went to the kitchen to make some coffee. She was chatting with Cas comfortably when Sam came to join them. Dean announced he was going for a drive and left quickly. It kind of worried her, but she had to remind herself it wasn't her place. It was Cas's. Maybe she should start trying to kind of push them in the right direction. Hell... If this wasn't a fanfic come to life. She shipped Destiel above all things, and here she was trying to set them up together. Wow. Just wow.


	8. I Only Have One Complaint

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There were some major glitches while I was editing a new chapter and I ended up having to delete three that I had already uploaded, and then had to add them back in. If any of you noticed a gap when Sam tricks Dean with the video of him and Maddie, I fixed it. I don't know how that chunk ended up missing, but I'd go back and read it if I were you. It's nothing really important, just Dean and Maddie texting, but it might make more sense to you. I changed OFC's characters name while writing. I've tried to fix them all to "Maddie" but I'm sure I've missed some. If you see any just let me know and I'll fix it ASAP. Enjoy. :) DESTIEL FINALLY also some angst, because I'm evil. *insert maniacal laughter*

~Dean~  
~September 11th~

Dean cursed aloud softly. "Fuck." He was lying in bed and had just woken up from the raunchiest dream he'd had in forever. He'd been having sex dreams, but this was by far the worst one yet. He had a raging hard-on, and he couldn't fucking deal with it. Not without feeling like the scum of the earth. Normally, it'd be no big deal. He'd enjoy it. Dean jacked off like a normal guy, and he thought about normal things, fucking girls with nice tits, or watching porn, whatever. But he couldn't jack off right now because the dream he'd just woken up from had starred his best friend, Castiel, Angel of the Lord, ex-human, and hot as fuck holy tax account lookin' dude. Lately, his dreams had been starring him more and more, and Dean was kind of falling apart over it, like some goddamn princess. It wasn't like he had a crush on the dude, it's just... Dammit, he loved him. 

Dean liked chicks. He did! Everybody knew that. Dean had never even looked at the opposite sex in any kind of sexy way. He just didn't find guys sexy. They didn't do it for him. If other people liked it, fine, but he was a ladies' man, through and through. Except apparently when it came to Cas. His best friend had been haunting his dreams off and on for a while now. When he had had the first wet dream featuring Cas' smoky blue eyes, and dark, fucked six ways to Sunday hair, Dean had freaked the fuck out. He had woken up with his dick spasming in his boxers, shooting hot cum into them like a teenager, and as good as it had felt at the time, it made him feel like shit. But what was he supposed to do about it? He was asleep when it had happened. He couldn't control his dreams. Wait, could he? Maybe he should look into that. 

But if he did Cas would definitely ask why and Dean had no idea what to fucking tell him. "Yeah, I'm looking up ways to control my dreams because I want to stop cumming in my pants from dreaming about your lips wrapped around my cock." Yeah, that'd go over real well. Goddammit. Why did his life always have to be so fucking complicated? He had settled with this. He would hunt, and then he would die. He didn't have to have an apple pie life, he got that that wasn't in the cards for him. So why was his brain conjuring up sexy images of his best friend all the goddamn time? And now it was throwing Maddie into the mix. Maddie, who made him feel weird things just like Cas did and he'd only known her a couple of days. Kissing her was like Heaven, and hell if he didn't want that. 

But he wanted to kiss Cas too. And it wasn't just that. Dean could handle sex. That's what Dean did. When things went sideways he dealt with it in the best way he could and then during the inevitable guilt trip he'd bury himself in sleazy bar hookups and booze. Sex he got. But sometimes the dreams weren't of sex with Cas. They were of him and Cas being... Dean mentally had to skip over the word "domestic." He and Cas would be in the kitchen making a fucking pie or something, and Cas would look over at him and smile and Dean's heart would fucking tumble in his chest like he was in fucking P.S. I Love You, or some other stupid chick flick that Sam had made them watch. God, he hated those dreams. Not really because of the content. Dreaming about Cas wasn't really bad, but because it made him want things he couldn't have. Things he didn't fucking deserve to have. 

Everybody knew that when the Winchesters caught happiness for a longer than thirty seconds the fucking world imploded or some angel-dicks messed something up and they had to go fricking fix it. The Winchesters weren't supposed to be happy. That was apparently a universal law or something. But whatever. It wouldn't normally bother him so badly, except these freaking dreams gave him glimpses of what he could have. Of what he apparently wanted. Fuck. Dean's boner had finally fucking gone down, but he had a horrible case of blue balls. This was the third goddamn day in a row he'd had to wait for it to go down. He was not going to touch himself with pictures of Cas in his mind. That was just wrong on so many levels. He had done it once. Right after the dreams had first started happening, he had said fuck it and went to shower. His boner had been pretty much calling his name and he had jacked off to images of Cas underneath him, writhing, whimpering his name as Deans thrust in and out of him, and fuck, he needed to get off this train of thought or his problem wouldn't stay gone for long. 

He had come so hard to the image of him fucking Cas silly, but immediately afterward his post-orgasmic glow had been ruined by the inevitable shit storm of guilt in his chest. He was still carrying that around. Jesus Christ, who wouldn't feel guilty to jacking off to their best friend? And Jesus, he was an angel of all goddamn things. Dean had been pulling the noodle to a fucking angel with big fluffy wings, who were supposed to sit on clouds and play harps or some dumb shit. He was so getting a one-way ticket back to Hell for that. Maybe if angels actually did that he wouldn't find Cas so freaking hot. Cas was a Warrior of God. A soldier. And Jesus Christ if Dean didn't find that hot as holy hell. Okay. He needed a distraction, and fucking fast. Only one thing came to mind right now. He rolled out of bed and started pulling on clothes without really looking to see what they were. 

Dean stalked out to Baby and climbed behind the wheel. He had given a bullshit excuse to Cas, who had looked at him with a cute little-confused expression Dean didn't want to think about, so he could do this. Sam and Maddie had been sitting with Cas too, and he had noticed Maddie's worried expression. Fuck, he didn't want to think about this. It almost felt weird not to have Sam riding shotgun or Cas in the back seat. He wasn't usually by himself when he was driving, not unless he was on one of these little trips. He started her up and listened to her engine rumble and purr like the cougar she was. His Metallica tape started playing and he cranked the volume up as he put the Impala into gear. He turned the wheel, guiding Baby onto the road carefully. Soon he was sailing by trees and houses, the pavement flying by underneath him. He liked this. It was one place he could think, without actually having to think. Sam, like the smarty pants brainiac he was, would probably call it a form of meditation or some shit but Dean didn't give a damn as long as it worked.

This was the only place it felt safe to think. Normally he was around Cas, and he knew he picked up on things, and Dean really didn't need him to pick up on what he had been thinking about lately. Dean had been riding a heavy guilt trip because of the things he had been thinking about Cas. God, the guilt was sitting his chest like a damn boulder. He tried to keep it to himself, and so far he seemed to be doing an alright job. At least, Cas hadn't mentioned anything to him, so he assumed he was in the clear. Jesus... Cas was his best friend, he shouldn't feel this way about him at all, dammit. He didn't think he could keep this up anymore. It had been a little over a year since he'd realized he was nutso for Cas, and that was a long time to pine, and hide. Shit though, Dean didn't think he could tell Cas. What if he scared him off or something? He could live with Cas not wanting to... not wanting a relationship with Dean or whatever, but if he lost his best friend again Dean would probably lose his mind. He didn't think he could handle it. Which is why he had been hiding everything. He couldn't risk it. He couldn't lose Cas again. 

What did he even feel for Cas? The thought scared the everloving shit out of him because Dean knew what he felt for Cas. It was fucking love, and if that wasn't some scary shit Dean didn't know what was. Christ. Dean knew it was some sappy bullshit but he could totally see him and Cas waking up on a Sunday morning or something, and rolling out of bed to go make breakfast together or something. Jesus, he sounded like Sam. Or maybe Oprah. He wasn't sure which was worse really. He shook his head to clear it of the disturbing thoughts and drummed his fingers to Enter Sandman on the steering wheel as he neared his destination. He had to turn down this little tiny ass road to get to where he was going. He had kept missing it at first, but now he could probably find it if he was blind. He came out here a lot. 

He had found it on accident one day a few months ago when he had been so pissed at Sammy about something that he couldn't see straight, he couldn't even remember what it had been now honestly, but he had stormed off in the Impala and found the little road he was turning onto now. 'Road' might be too kind a word for it, it was a dirt lane with ruts from tires and grass growing in the middle in a near constant strip all the way to the little clearing it ended at. Dean followed the lane for a few minutes then pulled into the clearing with ease, dodging the now familiar potholes and bramble bushes. He really did come here a lot. When he had first found it he had been confused about what it was. Why was there some creepy little road leading to a clearing in the middle of the woods like some B-rate horror movie where the damsel in distress is always some dumb blonde who trips every five seconds?

He had gotten out of the car and started looking around, 'cause what else was there to do? He had found a little trail leading off away from the clearing and he had followed it, curious. It had led him through the woods for a few minutes then opened up into something awesome. A waterfall cascading out of the middle of nowhere, and a big ass pool of water at the bottom of it. It was some river he didn't know the name of and he didn't care. The white water rushed off the rocks in a fast torrent and when Dean had first seen it he had been a little awestruck for some reason. The roar of the water was enough to drown out any shitty thoughts he was having and soon he had started making it a habit to come here and just chill out. His third trip out here he had decided he needed to try out the water. 

He had demon proofed the place first, and monster proofed it as well as he could. The only thing it wasn't warded against was angels, just in case he ever needed to call Cas. And he had made sure the water didn't have some damn water sprite in it or something because he would be weaponless once he was in the water. He had stripped off all his clothes, because who gave a frig, nobody was out here, and, like an absolute dumbass, had just kamikazied into the water off a rock. Holy crap, he had nearly had a heart attack because it was so fucking cold. He had nearly screamed "Son of a bitch!" when he had surfaced. The water ran about thirty-two degrees all year round, apparently. He had done a little research on it but he couldn't remember the name to save his life. Now that he knew the water was the temperature of a well digger's ass in the middle of winter, he got into it with a little more caution. 

Dean had been walking out to his little pool as he had been thinking about it. He stripped off his clothes and left them in a heap on a rock, his gun lying on top of the heap in easy reach, just in case. He threw the towel he had brought down onto them, and carefully made his way over the rock where the water lapped at the edge. He slowly eased into the water, bracing himself for the fucking ice water dip he was about to take. As he sank down until the water was up to his shoulders he thought not for the first time that he had to be a little crazy to like this. He probably was, but after all he had gone through, who expected him to be completely sane. The water was exhilarating. 

It made his body tingle and feel weirdy numb at the same time. He swam out to the middle of the pool and closed his eyes and just let his body float as it may. He normally wasn't fond of water at all, but there was something about this that he liked. Maybe it was how the rushing of the water was able to block out his thoughts, or how the water was so cold it made him forget everything but that. He came out to just be. No thinking, no guilt trips, no best friend that he'd like to fuck and get domestic with, no soul mate that he was starting to think the same things about. Just coldness and floating. 

 

~Castiel~

 

Castiel landed on a rock that he hadn't realized was unstable. It tipped and he fell. Normally he would have caught himself from the fall by flapping his wings and holding himself aloft but he had been utterly shocked at the sight of Dean floating in the water. Naked. He crashed into the water and nearly screamed. The water slammed over his head, and he was immediately shocked. He felt his body's pores closing rapidly, and his brain dumping adrenaline into the blood circulating through him. He shot his arms out and rapidly propelled himself to the surface of the water. "What the fuck?! Cas?!" He heard Dean's voice over the rush of the water, but he didn't know what to respond. He didn't think he had ever been this cold before. Temperature normally didn't affect him, but this was freezing. 

Exactly thirty-two-degree water and he suspected his extremities would soon go numb. He exerted his Grace to keep his temperature comfortable for him, and now the water wasn't as unpleasant. "Cas?" Dean's voice seemed incredulous. Castiel turned around to look at the hunter and felt something strange jolt through him, straight to his core. Dean was naked and granted he couldn't see Dean under the water, but he knew that he wasn't wearing clothing, and it did strange things to Castiel. "What the hell, Cas? Are you stalking me or something?" Cas shook his head vehemently. "No, I am not stalking you. I apologize, Dean. I was coming to find you to see if you were okay. You left the bunker in a hurry this morning and I just wanted to make sure-"

"I don't need a mother, Cas."  
"I am not a mother, Dean. I was just checking on you. I apologize for interrupting." Dean looked very angry with him, and he wasn't quite sure why.  
"Goddammit, Cas. I can't believe you." Dean swum further away from him, he looked very upset. It made Castiel's heart constrict painfully.

"I don't understand why you are so angry with me. I didn't mean to intrude." Dean turned and looked at him with steely eyes, but Castiel felt pain and guilt swimming through his hunter from the Grace that was sewed into his soul. He could pick up on strong feelings from Dean, and right now Dean was in pain. Was he hurt? "You don't understand why I'm angry? Dude. I came out here to be alone. I don't want to be around you with all this shit in my head. I can't do it, Cas. Dammit."

Hurt swamped Castiel's being. Dean didn't want to be around him? Had Castiel been so very wrong when he assumed Dean's feelings? He had felt things from Dean that he knew to be true, but if Dean didn't want to be near him, Castiel must've been mistaken. So very, very mistaken. Pain was crashing through his Grace, through his body. He was trembling in the water now because the hurt roiling in him had shocked his system and had caused his control over his Grace to slip, letting the cold seep back in. "I- I'm sorry, Dean. If I had known you didn't w-want to be around me I w-would have gone. I was v-very mistaken, and I'm sorry." His teeth were chattering now but he couldn't find it in himself to care. His very core was hurting. Dean didn't want him. Castiel didn't think he had ever felt a stronger pain.

 

~Dean~

 

Oh goddammit. He had just fucking said the first thing that had come to mind, and now Cas was over there looking like he was about to cry. Why did Dean always fuck everything up? Jesus. He swam back over to Cas, which was probably a bad idea, considering he was naked as the day he was born, but he couldn't stand the look on Cas's face knowing he had been the one to put it there by saying stupid shit he didn't mean. "Shit. I'm sorry, Cas. I didn't mean it like that." Apologies didn't come easily for Dean, but Cas looked heartbroken and guilt was surging through him so strongly that Dean couldn't stand it. "I think I've misunderstood, Dean. Do you- do you not want m-me around, or-or?" Cas's words broke off, and his lips were trembling and he looked like he was freezing, which was weird since he was an angel and temperature wasn't supposed to have any effect on them. "W-what d-did you mean then, D-Dean? I d-don't unders-stand." Oh fuck. How could he explain this without revealing his dirty little secret? Crap, he sounded like a pop song. "Cas, just - I don't know man. I didn't mean it like that. I just wanted to be alone, and you scared the shit out of me by diving in the water like that."

"I d-didn't dive, Dean. I fell. The r-rocks w-were unstable, and I lost b-balance." Cas fell? How? He hadn't seen Cas do something clumsy like that since he'd been human. "You fell? How is that even possible?"

Unless the cold water was starting to affect his brain, Dean was pretty sure Cas was starting to blush, which was all kinds of unusual. "I- I was distracted, and shocked. You-you were floating n-naked in the water, and I-" Oh shit. Fuck. Bad brain, bad brain, no dirty thoughts, no dirty thoughts. Shit.  
"I'm s-so sorry, Dean. It really was a-an accident, and I-I w-woudn't have intruded had I k-known and I-"  
"It's fine, Cas. Don't worry about it." He was right in front of Cas now and Dean had a feeling he was going to do something really stupid. 

 

~Castiel~

 

Dean swam closer to him and Castiel was confused. Dean had told him he didn't want to be around him, but then had apologized and said he hadn't meant it "like that". What exactly had Dean meant? He had said he couldn't be around Castiel with all "this shit" in his head. What exactly was Dean trying to hide from him? Was there something Dean didn't want him to know about. Was Dean keeping secrets from him again? That never turned out well for them, often it was their downfall. "D-Dean?"

~Dean~

...Dean shouldn't do it. He really shouldn't. All he wanted to do was kiss Cas stupid, and he shouldn't. He couldn't. He really didn't even know how or when he'd turned into a big ole bag of gay feelings, but sometime in the past few years he had become seriously attracted to Cas. And godfuckingdammit, he loved the guy. He really didn't know how Cas felt about him. He didn't want him to run away. The last thing he wanted to do was ruin their friendship with his stupid feelings because he was being a freaking girl. An idea occurred to him, but he really wasn't sure if he wanted to go through with it. That was like the stupidest idea ever, wasn't it? Was it? Shit. Now it had kind of taken hold and Dean didn't know if he could walk away from this and go back to what they had been doing. All this hiding and being guilty as shit all the time about something he couldn't control... hell. At least if Cas knew about it Dean would have some sort of closure on the subject. But if he lost Cas, he'd never forgive himself. Ever. 

 

~Castiel~

 

"Dean, what's wrong? I can feel that you're afraid of something. Do you want to talk about it? Please tell me." Dean sighed and closed his eyes. Without opening them he said, "Cas, do I ever want to talk about it? I'm a damned coward." Castiel was about to object that statement when Dean said something that surprised Castiel. A lot. "Can you go through my head? Read my mind or something?" Castiel was astounded... Dean had stressed again and again the importance of Castiel staying out of Dean's thoughts. It was intruding and violated his privacy, and Dean found it extremely uncomfortable. Why would he want Castiel to read his mind now? If Dean couldn't say it, it must be something involving emotions, or possibly something Dean was ashamed about. For the first time, Castiel allowed himself to have hope. 

He reminded himself sternly that that didn't matter anymore. Dean had found his soul mate. "Of course I could read your mind, Dean. But you have made it very clear to me that you would rather I didn't do that. Why do you want me to now?" Dean still didn't open his eyes. "Please, Cas? Just... Just do it. I can't do this anymore. You'll either hate me or you won't." Dean looked braced for a blow and it made Castiel's heart ache to see him that way. "I could never hate you, Dean." He said softly, and he raised his right hand out of the water, but he hesitated before touching Dean's temple. "Are you sure you want me to do this Dean?"

"Yeah, Cas. Just do it." Dean still hadn't opened his eyes, and it made Castiel worry. But still, he touched his fingers to Dean's temple and plunged into his memories. Dean had pushed the thoughts that he wanted Castiel to see to the forefront of his mind. Entering someone's memory was a lot like being encased in it. Sights, sounds, and smells seemed like your own, and the first thing Castiel experienced was seeing himself look over at (presumably) Dean, and feeling his heart skip a beat, it wasn't a memory that looked familiar to Castiel, so he assumed it was a dream or possibly a fantasy. Then Castiel saw, much to his shock, himself on his knees in front of Dean, Dean's penis thrusting into his mouth. Castiel's face in the memory looked lustful and full of desire. 

Castiel had never actually seen that look on his face before. He could feel Dean's want, his lust, and desire like it was his own. Then he saw Dean in the shower, his penis thrusting into his fist in the shower stall at the bunker. Dean was pleasuring himself, masturbating, he realized. Why would Dean be showing him this? Then Dean moaned Cas's name as he achieved his release. Castiel was shaken. Dean desired him sexually. Castiel could feel the guilt that had practically swallowed Dean after his orgasm. Dean felt very badly about thinking of Castiel while he achieved release. 

The next memory was of a rather homey scene. It was Dean lying in his bed, and Castiel was most surprised to see himself lying beside Dean. He watched himself through Dean's eyes, the dream Cas' eyes sparkled with warmth and love, and even Castiel could see he very happy in the dream. He was wearing a wide smile that Castiel didn't often have occasion for. And he could feel the love, deep love, coming from Dean for him. Dream Dean and Castiel kissed softly, and Castiel could feel everything so vividly it was a little overwhelming. Dean loved him. Oh goodness, Dean really loved him. And not only that, and he was attracted to him sexually. 

The next few moments passed by quickly, they were all similar. Dean and Castiel sitting on the couch, Dean's feelings of contentment and guilt being equally strong. Dean watching Castiel and feeling want surge through himself before averting his eyes. Dean staring at Castiel, their eyes locked, and feeling gooseflesh erupt onto his skin. The next memory that played was of what had happened a few minutes previously. He could feel the guilt, and the sadness, and self-hate coming off Dean, soaking the memory with it. It was almost too much. Dean really was sorry he had said that to Castiel, and he hadn't meant it. 

The next memory was of Dean waking up in his bed from an apparently arousing dream. Dean was washed guilt, and love, and desire all at the same time. He saw himself through Dean's eyes in the kitchen telling him he was going out for a drive, then Dean walking to the Impala feeling bad about lying to Castiel, but believing it was necessary. Then he saw himself as Dean apologized, and he felt Dean's desire to kiss him. Just to comfort him for being such a fucking idiot, Dean's words, not his. The memories ended then, but not before he felt Dean's fear about this. He was terrified that Castiel was going to reject him or hate him. That Dean was going to ruin their bond. He couldn't have been more wrong. Castiel opened his eyes and all but breathed Dean's name. Dean opened his eyes slowly and looked over at Castiel. His voice was thick with emotion when he spoke. "M'sorry, Cas. I just-" Castiel didn't let him finish. He couldn't. He rushed forward and wrapped his hands around Dean's neck before pulling him close. Castiel was going to be so very selfish. He was going to hate himself for this later. His voice was deep and gravelly, more so than usual, "You wanted to kiss me. Please, Dean?" 

 

~Dean~

 

"You wanted to kiss me. Please, Dean?" Was Cas asking him to kiss him? Did Cas like Dean too, or even love Dean? Happiness surged through him, and it wasn't like he could actually ignore those pleading blue eyes. It was probably the most human he'd ever seen the angel look. "You sure, Cas?" This was too good to be true, and everybody knew the Winchesters didn't get the things they wanted. Cas nodded emphatically. "Please." Well, that was good enough for Dean. He'd been wanting to do this forever. He stepped forward, they were standing shoulder deep in water and he could feel his feet digging into the silt of the river bottom, and he raised his hands out of the water to cup the back of Cas's neck and pull him forward. The space between them closed quickly, and then Cas's lips were on his. It went from chaste to wet quickly. As soon as Dean's lips touched Cas's he made a needy little whimper in the back of his throat that spurred Dean on. 

He licked Cas's lips, which were actually soft as hell, surprisingly, asking for entrance. Dean tried very hard not to think of how he had been doing this with Maddie not a day before. Cas opened his mouth without hesitation and wrapped his arms around Dean's back as Dean licked his way into his mouth. Cas outright moaned when Dean licked the roof of his mouth, it sent a hot flash of pure want down Dean's spine, and if he wasn't standing in some cold ass water he'd be at least half hard by now. Cas was grasping at his back, his fingers digging into his flesh as Dean plundered his mouth. He had been waiting for this for so long, and Cas tasted so damn good. Like heaven. When they finally pulled apart Cas made a soft negative noise, just like Maddie had, he realized, while looking up at Dean with those big blue eyes, and Dean just melted. He knew he sounded like a girl, but for right this second he didn't care. 

"Good, Cas?" Cas flashed him a rare grin. "Very. I only have one complaint." Dean's happiness level plummeted and he looked at Cas carefully. What was he getting at? Did Dean fuck up somehow or - His thoughts cut off suddenly when Cas's next words nearly stopped his heart. "You should have told me sooner. I've been waiting so long for you to realize. And as seems to be the habit with you Winchesters, you exceeded my expectations. Can we do it again?" He might be damned for it, but Dean would be freaking nuts to refuse that. He kissed Cas slowly this time. Savoring every single sound and touch he pulled out of him, letting Cas glimpse the depth of feeling that was pooling in Dean's chest like sunshine. It still scared the shit out of him, but this was good. This was okay. It was Cas. Cas, an absolute dork who still didn't get Dean's references, who tasted amazing, and who made soft little sounds when Dean did something he liked, his hands clenching Dean's arms instinctively. Cas, who had pulled him from Hell, and had died for him, fought for him, and who had always come back. God, Dean loved the fuck out of him, but he couldn't say it. The words got choked in the back of his throat. This was too new and too raw, and too real. Cas had read his mind. He knew how Dean felt, and he wasn't running, so he assumed it was alright with the angel. God, this was too good. 

 

~Castiel~

 

Castiel felt as if he was in his own Heaven. Dean had cupped his hand behind his neck, and after the claiming, hot kiss earlier, this one was tender in comparison. It was arising new, unexpected feelings in Castiel. He felt so strange. Light, like he was flying, and his nerves were tingling. Dean made a soft groan in the back of his throat when Castiel pushed his tongue into Dean's mouth, licking and exploring. Learning. This was amazing. He could understand why humans liked doing this so much. He had pressed himself as tightly into his body as he could, soaking up every single sensation Dean was giving him. He could barely believe this was happening even though every feeling he had was telling him it was real. Dean Winchester was actually kissing Castiel. He loved Cas, he wanted him, and he had finally admitted it. Joy burst through Castiel at the thought. He had practically committed himself to just pining for Dean for the rest of his natural life, but Dean had actually realized his feelings and acted on them. It made Castiel so happy, and he kissed Dean with a renewed fervor, surprising a gasp out of Dean as Castiel clashed his lips, tongue, and teeth with Dean's. This was awesome, in the true sense of the word. Castiel had never felt happier.


	9. Just... Lay Down Next To Me?

~Maddie~

 

Maddie and Sam were sitting in the kitchen doing research on the earthquake thing in San Francisco when Dean and Cas came stumbling in. Maddie looked up immediately and she smiled. Happiness settled itself in her chest, along with a few twinges of regret and sadness, but she ignored those. Her friends had kissed. Cas's lips were puffy and pinker than normal, and she noticed Dean's were too. Their hair was all messed up like they had had fingers running through it. Cas's was really screwed up, way more than normal. Sam was looking at them with a confused expression, and Maddie knew why. Dean looked happy. Really, really happy. Over the moon happy, and Maddie was glad. "Hey guys," Dean said and went straight to the fridge and started rooting around in it, and Cas stood at the edge of the table, watching Dean. "Hello, Sam, Maddie." 

Maddie felt it when Cas's gaze turned to her and when she looked up her heart kind of broke into little pieces. He looked so goddamn sad and guilty she just wanted to hug him. Dean turned around from the refrigerator with something wrapped in tinfoil in his hand. He unwrapped it and stuck it in the microwave and it started heating up. "Have fun on your drive, Dean?" Sam asked teasingly. He had noticed too. Dean turned around and gave him a suspicious look, he must've heard the laugh in his voice. "Yeah, I did. Better than normal actually." Sam snickered. "I bet it was." Then he jumped because Maddie kicked him under the table. Dean looked back and forth at them suspiciously before shrugging it off and pulling the food from the, "What'd you nerds do today?"

"We've been researching. So far we have a heaping lot of bupkis." Which Maddie was disappointed with.  
"That sounds really, really boring."  
"It hasn't been that bad." She said. 

Maddie was not surprised to see the food he had heated up was a piece of pie. "That's bad for you." Sam said. Dean sat down at the table and shoved a piece of pie in his mouth before speaking around his food. He looked like a squirrel. Now she got where Crowley got the nickname. "Shut your piehole, Sam. I'm in a good mood. Don't ruin it with your big mouth." Sam rolled his eyes but shut his piehole. Even Maddie knew arguing with Dean about food was never beneficial in any way. Maddie was glad her friends had finally kissed, but something was wrong with Cas. She needed to talk to him. 

 

~Castiel~

 

Castiel felt as if he had been sailing, flying at a very large height when something knocked him from the sky and he was slammed into the earth. When he had seen Maddie the reality of the situation had slammed into him, and he remembered that he could not allow himself to have Dean. Dean had a soul mate now, and not only was it unfair to her, but it was unfair to Dean. He would not deny them happiness. He couldn't. But oh, how he wanted. He should never have asked Dean to kiss him! He should've been stronger! Castiel found himself wanting to curse as if that would relieve his anger at himself. And his heartache. "I- I am very sorry. I must go. There's something that's come to my attention." He announced to the room and he had two surprised faces and one sad one looking at him. 

He flew quickly out of the room, leaving them to ponder. He wasn't entirely sure where he landed, but there were no immediate threats to his discovery or safety, so he let himself sit there and think. He could not believe he had been so stupid. Again. And if Castiel told Dean they could not be together he would hurt Dean. But if he and Dean were to have a relationship, he would hurt Dean and Maddie. This was such a complicated situation. Castiel wished he could sleep. He just wanted to escape it all. He wasn't sure how long he sat there thinking, but eventually, a heartfelt, emotional prayer interrupted his thoughts. 

(Castiel, angel who saved me, I have something you need to hear. Dean and I may be soul mates, but we are strangers to each other. I would never dream of coming between you two. Dean loves you very much, I picked up on that as soon as I was here, and I will not mess with that. You guys deserve happiness. I saw your face before you left. You have no need to feel guilty. You are not taking anything from me, Cas. I want you to be happy. Please. Be happy with Dean. He loves you, and you love him. That's all that matters. Please, Cas. I hope you're hearing me, and I hope you're listening. I love you, Cas. If I didn't I never would've prayed to you a year ago. I thought you should know. Please, Cas. Stay with Dean, be happy with him.) 

The connection he had with Maddie faded away and Castiel was extremely surprised by the amount of emotion swirling through his vessel. Maddie told him she loved him. Maddie was depriving herself her soul mate for Castiel. She was giving Dean to Castiel. She was so selfless and kind and giving, and Castiel loved her for it. But he would never do that to her. She deserved happiness just as much as they did, and Castiel would not be the one to take that from her. He couldn't. He needed to talk with Dean, but he dreaded it. He was going to be so crushed and rejected and Castiel hated himself already. His poor beloved. 

Castiel was so tired of hurting Dean, but he was doing this for his own good. He would be truly happy with Maddie, they were soul mates. They were supposed to be together. Castiel was collateral damage, but he would deny himself for the sake of Dean and Maddie's happiness. He only wished his actions wouldn't hurt Dean as well, but this would be better for him. With Maddie, he could have children, and a life, and the domesticity he was craving. Castiel was an angel, and as much as he loved Dean, he would always be an angel. He would never be able to have that life with Dean, as much as he wanted it. Castiel was unbearably saddened by this when he returned to the bunker. He wanted to speak to Maddie first, before Dean. He found her in her room, reading. 

He popped in and she jumped and there was a knife in her hand within a millisecond. She relaxed when she realized it was Cas. "What are you doing in here Cas? Shouldn't you be talking to Dean?" Castiel shook his head hopelessly. "No, Maddie. I came to speak to you first. I will not take your happiness away. You and Dean are soul mates. As much as I love him, I could never truly make him as happy as you can. You could give him children, and domesticity, and the life he's craving. I am an angel, I cannot do those things for him. You two are meant to be together. It was Divine Providence that I heard your prayers and brought you over to this dimension. I cannot, and I will not take your soul mate away from you. I love Dean, and he loves me, but I will not deny either of you true happiness. I can't." Castiel finished his prepared speech and felt tear's prickling in his eyes, much to his shock. Maddie looking horrified. Her voice was a choked whisper, "No, Cas. Don't you dare. Don't you fucking dare. If you leave Dean he will be broken. He loves you. What do you think he's going to feel like if you tell him you love him, kiss him, then leave in the same day? You think that will make him happy. Don't even think about, Castiel." 

"I do not have a choice, Maddie. I will not deny either of you happiness. He will recover, and he will come to you for comfort. I can already see the first bloomings of love in both of you. You will be happy together. I will not jeopardize that." Before Castiel could stop her she opened her mouth and quite literally screamed Dean's name. Horror washed over him. Oh no. He wasn't prepared to do this to Dean yet. Dean burst through the door, gun drawn, exactly four seconds later. They were an eternity for Castiel. They both started trying to speak at the same time.   
"Cas thinks he's taking away my happiness so he refuses to stay with-"  
"I will not deny you your soul mate, Dean. I love you, but-"

Dean raised his hands up in the air, one still holding his gun. "Hold on just a damn minute! One at a time. Maddie?"

"Cas thinks he's denying me happiness by being with you, Dean. He intends on telling you that you two can't be together because of me, and I refuse to let that happen. He's going on about us being soul mates and how you'll come to me. I'm telling him he can't do that, but he won't listen. He says that he can't make you completely happy because he's an angel and can't have kids. I thought you should be a part of the conversation." Dean looked at Castiel with the most surprised, horrified, heartbreaking look Castiel had ever seen. It broke his heart, and his resolve, into tiny little pieces. "Cas?" He said brokenly. 

"I'm so sorry, Dean. But she's telling the truth. I will not deny you your true soul mate. Even now I can feel your soul yearning for hers. I love you Dean, and I would never do this unless I thought it was necessary." Castiel was shocked and terrified to discover tears standing in Dean Winchester's eyes. "Then what the hell was earlier today, huh? Making a memory to look back on? Dangling yourself on a string so when you pulled away it'd rip my fucking heart out?"

"No, Dean of course not. Today was amazing, and I would give anything to have that with you, but I cannot allow myself to be that selfish. I will not take your soul mate from you. It would be wrong of me to do so. I could not live with myself."

Tears were streaming down Dean's face now. "But you could live with this? Cas..." He cursed and looked down at the ground then looked Castiel right in the eye. "I fucking love you, okay? And you are not leaving me like every other godforsaken person in my life. You are not! Do you know how fucking long I've wanted you? Years, Cas, fucking years. And you are not going to kiss me and leave me in the same day. No."   
"Dean, I-"  
"No, Cas. I refuse. You want me to be happy, huh? Then stay with me. That's how I can be happy."

"I will not take Maddie's chance of happiness away either, Dean. You're her soul mate." He felt a soft touch on his arm and it was Maddie's hand. She was looking at him with the biggest, most pleading eyes he'd ever seen. She spoke softly, "Cas, no. I'll be fine. You know that. I'm a survivor. I want you two to be happy. I won't let you deny yourself, Cas. Or Dean. He loves you. That's more important than anything. You have to understand that. Please. I love you, Cas, but you can't do this. Doing this hurts me and Dean, as well as yourself. You think I could ever be happy knowing my friends are hurting because of me? You think we could ever be happy knowing you're hurting, and pining, and broken? You think Dean would ever be happy knowing the guy he's loved for years rejected him because you thought it was better for him. That's absolute bullshit, Cas. Do you remember when you used to do things for the greater good and didn't think about the individuals. You didn't care, as long as the bigger picture was intact?" Castiel nodded numbly. Her big green eyes were pleading and soft and understanding. "What do you think you're doing right now?" 

Her words broke a wall inside him and he wailed and dropped to the floor on his knees. No decision was the right one. There was no good choice here. He was hurting everyone. He couldn't do this. He couldn't handle it. It was too much. He realized he was crying, and voicing his thoughts brokenly when suddenly two pairs of arms engulfed him. One on either side, hugging him to two warm bodies. He fought for a moment, but the arms only squeezed tighter, and he let himself be hugged. So many emotions were running through him he could barely think. He could break himself away from this if he wanted to, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. They were comforting him. Maddie and Dean both. He had made another mistake. Hurt both of them. He was going to leave Dean, and yet here he was, holding onto Cas like he was the only precious thing in the world. It made Castiel feel loved, and broken, and defenseless, and strong all at the same time. Vaguely he realized they were talking to him. "It's okay, Cas. I know, it's okay. You were trying to do the right thing. I get it Cas. But you're staying with me. You hear me? I love you. You're staying."

"Oh, shhh, it's alright, Cas. Please. It's okay. We love you. You're safe. We're not mad. We love you." The words went through his mind on repeat. "I love you, you're staying, we love you, it's okay." Over and over again until Castiel melted into a puddle of hormones in their arms. He wanted to tell them he was sorry. He wanted to so badly, but- "It's okay, Cas. You don't have to be sorry. Don't be sorry. We understand." He didn't know who was talking. The voices blended together and became one solid, strong voice, bending his emotions to their will. This was okay. Maybe it would all be okay. Maybe it could be alright. Castiel was unsure of how long they sat together, rocking him between them, and shushing him, and comforting him, but he didn't care. When logic finally began to seep back in he realized Maddie was on his left, with her head on his shoulder and her arms wrapped around him, and Dean was in exactly the same position on his right. 

Both of them were on their knees and that couldn't be comfortable, especially considering how long they'd been sitting there. With a powerful flap of his wings, he landed them all on Dean's bed, it was the biggest in the bunker. It was large enough to accommodate them, more or less. They both jerked when they landed and looked at him with confusion. No one spoke though. Finally, it was Cas who broke the silence. "Plese don't let me go." He pleaded. That's not what he'd intended to say, but it had come out. "We won't, Cas." They spoke at the same time, surprising him. "I'm so sorry. Both of you. I just can't stand to take your chance at happiness away from you."  
"You make me happy, Cas."  
"Your happiness makes me happy."

They spoke together again and gave each other a small smile when they realized. His humans loved him so much. His humans. He loved them both, they were both so vulnerable and strong in their own ways. Both had been through hell, and both of them were still hugging him, comforting him, when he'd been the one to make the mistake and hurt them.   
"Cas?" Maddie's voice was timid and soft.  
"Yes, Maddie?"  
"What are you going to do now?"

"I don't know. I love you both. I don't want to hurt either of you. But you are soul mates. If I can say this without embarrassing, or angering either of you, I can see your souls, and I can see how you two are falling in love even now. Your souls yearn for connection. I can't stand in the way of that, I won't."

"So, because Dean and I are soul mates and we're supposed to be together, that means you and Dean can't be together? That's what you're saying?"  
"That's an accurate rephrasing, I believe." Dean made an angry noise but Maddie shushed him. "So if Dean and I were still giving a relationship between us a chance to grow, you might say, would you still be okay with being with Dean?"

"I don't understand." Castiel was very confused. How would-   
"Maddie, are you suggesting what I think you are?"  
"That's the only viable solution, isn't it? If you and I are still giving this soul mates thing a chance, while you're still with Cas, Cas can't complain that he's denying us soul mate happiness or whatever."  
"That's... I don't know if-"

"Please explain what you're talking about. I don't understand." Castiel said again. He really didn't. This time Dean spoke. "It's called polyamory, Cas. It means being in a relationship with more than one person at a time while they all know about it."  
"It can be a romantic or sexual relationship, just between multiple people. How do you feel about it, Cas?"  
"I don't know."

"Do you understand how it works?"  
"Not entirely. If we, the three of us were to do this, would that mean that you and I-?" He gestured between himself and Maddie. She gave him a small smile. "No, Cas. Not necessarily. It just means that you and Dean can be together, while also giving this soul mates thing a chance between me and him. We don't have a relationship, but if we were to enter one he wouldn't be betraying you by doing it. Does that make sense?"  
"Yes. I understand now. Dean, would you be accepting of that?" Dean looked a bit conflicted, but hopeful at the same time. "Yeah, I guess so. I've never really thought about it."

"Dean, just so you know, I'm not saying that we go into a relationship. Neither one of us are comfortable with that at this point, I don't think. Nothing changes between us with this decision. It just gives us a chance which makes Cas happy, while you get Cas. Work for everyone?"  
"I suppose it does."  
"Yeah, I guess. Okay. You sure about this Cas? You're not going to flake out on me are you?"  
"If you're referring to whether or not I will try to leave again, then no. As long as you and Maddie are giving each other a chance, I will be happy with whatever you decide."

"Okay. Good. Because if you leave me, I will kill you." Dean sounded entirely serious, and Maddie laughed. She squeezed Castiel harder one more time, then she let him go and stood. "I'm going to leave you guys alone. I'm glad we fixed all this. Good night, guys." Was she leaving? He didn't really want- Well, never mind. "Good night, Maddie. Thank you." He was eternally grateful for what she had done for them. Without her, this wouldn't have been possible. "Thank you, Maddie. I appreciate all this." Dean sounded equally as thankful. She turned and smiled at them, and Castiel heard Dean's heart skip a beat again. "You're welcome. I'm glad to help. Just be happy guys. Nothing else matters. Goodnight." She closed the door softly behind her, leaving he and Dean alone. Dean still had not released him, even throughout their entire conversation. It's like he was afraid Castiel was going to suddenly disappear, then Castiel realized that might be a legitimate fear, considering earlier. 

"Oh, Dean. I'm so sorry. I didn't know there was another solution. I just want you to be happy." He turned his face into Dean's hair and inhaled deeply. Dean raised his head and looked at him with shining eyes. "Where in the hell do you get that I could ever be happy without Cas? You stupid, loveable idiot." Dean was leaning in, and then he kissed Castiel. Their kiss was soft and mostly chaste, just affirming, and pure love. Castiel loved every second of it until Dean pulled away. Castiel's face was wet with Dean's tears. "Don't leave me, Cas. You can't. I don't care if you think it's good for me, or whatever, but you're wrong. I want you. I need you. I would lose my mind if you left, Cas, you gotta know that."

"I am so sorry, Dean. I just couldn't deny you your soul mate. It made me feel selfish and like an interloper. I won't leave you, Dean. I won't. I promise." Castiel leaned forward and sealed his promise with a kiss. He would never leave Dean. "Come Hell or high water?"  
Castiel understood the phrase for once. "Come Hell or high water, I will not leave you alone again Dean. Ever. I love you so much. I'm so sorry." Dean nuzzled Castiel's neck. "Stop 'apologizing, Cas. Just keep your promise. That's enough for me. We need to talk though." Castiel was suddenly very nervous. "What would you like to talk about?"

"What are we, Cas? What do you want from this exactly? Boyfriends, or what? We never talked about it earlier, and normally I'd be right on board that train, but I have questions."

"I don't know the proper label for this, Dean. All I know is this; I love you. It is the strongest thing I have ever felt. I want you with all my being, in every way you're willing to give. Mind, body, soul. The entirety of your being. I want it all. It would make me very happy if we could be boyfriends, as you say, but I would understand if that's not something you want, Dean." Castiel was not accustomed to feeling so insecure. It was quite odd. He'd been very emotional tonight. Dean's next words took his breath away. "Me too, Cas. All of it. Everything. I want it all. I love you too." Castiel was very surprised, to say the least. Dean was never that open with his emotions. Ever. Something had changed tonight, and he had Maddie to thank for that. "Does that mean we are dating, Dean? Are we boyfriends?"  
"Yeah, Cas. If that's what you want."

"I want it all, Dean. Boyfriends, lovers, forevers." He said, testing the waters.   
Dean shivered in a good way, and Castiel knew he had made the right decision. "Everything, Cas. But for now, sleep okay? I'm exhausted. Cas, will you stay? Tonight, I mean? Sleep with me? Just sleep. I just want you here. If you'll be bored or something, don't worry about it, I just-"

"Of course, Dean. Anything you want. I could never grow bored with you, regardless of whether you're sleeping or not. But... How would you like to lay?"   
"Just, lay down next to me? Please?" Dean asked. He sounded tired and vulnerable. Castiel obliged and slid down in the bed until he was lying down with his head resting on the pillow. Dean slid down the bed too and turned his back to Castiel. That was surprising. "Cas, come here. Take off the coat first, though." Castiel wished it away and scooted over until he was right next to Dean, but he didn't touch him, though he wanted to. He was unsure of what he was supposed to do. Dean scooted back against Castiel. He said, "Dean?" Practically whispering it in his ear because of how close they were. "Just put your arm around my waist, Cas. I need you. Be here in the morning, okay? Don't leave me alone." Castiel's heart broke at Dean's small, vulnerable voice, but Castiel deserved it. He had broken his trust with yet another mistake. He assured his human lovingly. "Sleep, Dean. You need to rest. I'll still be here when you wake. I promise. I will watch over you. Sleep." 

Castiel smiled against the back of Dean's neck as he felt Dean let go and go to sleep, surrounded by his Grace. They were so close like this. Not only physically, but this was intimate. He understood the significance of Dean playing the "little spoon", and he the big spoon. Dean was feeling vulnerable, he wanted to be protected, reassured that everything was okay between them. Dean would probably never admit it, but he didn't have to. Castiel knew. A thrill of joy filled him up as he thought about Dean wanting to be protected by him, wanting to sleep next to him. Dean had actually wanted to talk. That was a very rare occasion for Dean. 

He would forever be in debt to Maddie for being so intelligent and kind and allowing Castiel to be selfish without stealing their happiness away. He had never heard of polyamory, this would be interesting. But he was so, so grateful she was such a caring, and kind-hearted person. He knew he would be thanking her fervently every day for a very long time. He would never have imagined that he would get to sleep next to Dean. And as boyfriends, no less. He was dating Dean. They were together. Castiel felt so happy that he thought he must be brimming with joy. This was more than he ever let himself hope for, and he was extremely thankful for his decision to bring Krissy here. Had she not come into their lives, he would not be lying in bed next to his hunter right now, he was sure. His hunter. That was a phrase he could say now, and he loved it.

He was enjoying having Dean in his arms. It was a feeling he could never get tired of, and he hadn't been lying when he had told Dean he would not grow bored lying here with him. He found it intensely gratifying, and Castiel was very happy just to have been asked. He loved this man. This vulnerable, strong, stubborn man. And that would never change, no matter how long Castiel lived. With that thought, Castiel wished for the first time to be human again. He wanted to grow with Dean. He wanted every human experience they could have together, and growing old together was one of those. When he died, he wanted his own personal Heaven with Dean. He wished he could sleep with Dean. These thoughts were disturbing, and he didn't want anything to taint this memory. He wanted to cherish it forever in all its glory. He turned his mind to the man in his arms and all the things he loved about him and the thoughts turned into background noise, easily ignored. Castiel didn't care. He was happy.


	10. Love'em and Leave'm Kind of a Guy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Destiel smut!! :D

~Dean~  
~September 12th~

 

Dean woke up to gentle breathing against his neck. He flipped out for a second before he remembered what had happened last night. Cas. "Good morning, Dean." Cas's deep voice rumbled against his skin, making goosebumps flash down his spine. He had stayed. He was still here. "Mornin' Cas." Cas's arm tightened around him incrementally, and he realized they were laying in exactly the same position they had went to sleep in. Dean had asked to be the little spoon. He was currently being the little spoon. If it didn't feel so good he'd protest, but still... He liked it, but he didn't like that he liked it. He was starting to confuse himself so he shook his head to clear the thoughts out, and discovered something just great. Fuck. He had a raging hard-on, thank you morning wood, and he was pressed up against Cas nice and tight while he had it. Fantastic. What was he supposed to do now? He didn't think Cas would appreciate it if Dean did what he had been dreaming about for months now, which was fucking Cas stupid. But what did he know? 

He hadn't guessed that Cas felt this way about him, so anything was possible he supposed. He replayed the kisses he had given Cas in his head. After they had gotten out of the water Cas had mojoed him dry and warm and they had sat in Baby, just exploring each other, mapping out each other's mouths lazily. Cas had asked him to kiss him. His lips had tasted so good, like a storm. Dark, and electrifying, thrilling Dean's system. He wasn't sure if it was because he was so gonzo over the guy or if it was because he was an angel and had accidentally mojoed him or something. He should ask. But still, they probably weren't ready to get all physical and everything. Dean wanted it, fuck did he want it, but Cas was an angel. Sullying an angel of the lord would probably take time. And Dean wasn't going to push Cas into anything. 

Then he felt Cas's lips nuzzling against his neck and he rumbled, "Dean, would it be acceptable if I kissed you now?" Dean really didn't have to think about that one. It was a resounding Yes!, even though part of his brain was blaring a siren going BadIdeaBadIdea. But whatever. Cas wanted to kiss him, he wasn't going to stop him. "Sure, Cas. You don't have to ask." Cas scraped his stubble against the side of Dean's throat and his hard-on twitched in his boxers. Oh hell. Cas ran his lips across Dean's throat, pressing soft kisses here and there, then he reached Dean's earlobe and bit. Dean's hips jerked forward of their own volition and he gasped. His ears were like one of his erogenous zones or something, they always got him going. "Did I hurt you, Dean?" Cas's voice rumbled in his ear, concerned.

"No, Cas. Feels good." He managed. Cas hummed and continued. He licked the shell of Dean's ear and goosebumps erupted all over him. Damn. Cas nibbled his way down Dean's throat before biting where his neck and shoulder joined. Dean almost whimpered when Cas bit him. "Fuck, Cas. Where did you learn all this?" He was soothing the skin with his tongue now. "I have spent many centuries observing the ways of humankind. I also spent much of last night thinking about what I wanted to do with you while I held you in my arms. Are you enjoying this Dean?" Cas sucked lightly at the flesh under his mouth and Dean moaned slightly. Hot damn, this felt amazing. And he'd been blue balling himself all week accidentally-on-purpose which just made this all the more awesome. "Yes." he hissed. His dick was so hard in his boxers that it was aching and twitching with every touch. It was demanding attention, but he didn't know if Cas would be okay with that. "Turn onto your back, Dean." Dean did. That blue-eyed gaze was so intense Dean almost wanted to shut his eyes, but he was done with that bullshit. He was tired of hiding. Cas loved him, he loved Cas, and he was going to enjoy it. Cas was staring at him like he was something precious, something amazing. 

"May I continue?" If he didn't Dean might very well cry like a pretty, pretty princess who got ditched on prom night. In answer, Dean grabbed Cas's head and pulled him down to his mouth. He kissed Cas furiously, his tongue instantly searching Cas's mouth, chasing that storm taste. Cas groaned deeply when Dean grabbed his lapels and halfway dragged him on top of him. Dean's hips instantly started thrusting upward, searching for contact and being rewarded with sweet, sweet friction against Cas. He had to pull away from Cas' mouth to let out a soft moan. "Shit, Cas." His hips were working without his permission, thrusting onto Cas. "You are very aroused." No shit, Sherlock. "May I touch you, Dean?" That's exactly what Cas was doing anyway, but Dean went ahead and answered the affirmative, just in case he was missing something. He gasped and his brain flatlined when he felt Cas's hand slide against his dick. Oh, fuck! Heat slid through Dean's veins, and he could already feel his orgasm building in his belly. In his defense, he hadn't touched himself in like forever, and Cas was pretty much an aphrodisiac. This was hot as fuck. Cas's hand wrapped around his length as best it could since he still had his boxers on. "May I remove your clothing? It would make this easier." His hand tightened around Dean and Dean moaned and thrust his hips against the friction. "Yeah, Cas. Just please - get on with this." 

 

~Castiel~

 

"As you wish, Dean." Castiel wished Dean's clothing away, leaving him naked by Castiel. His hunter was absolutely gorgeous. Smooth, tan skin intersected with scars, each beautiful in their own way. Each had a story to tell and Castiel wanted to kiss every single one, and worship Dean's body, letting him know he was cherished in the only way he would accept. Dean didn't like words. But he had something rather urgent to attend to first. Dean's large erection was pushing up into Castiel's hand desperately. It was long and thick, and curved ever so slightly, arching towards his stomach. It was blood-dark, nearly purple at the tip of it. Beautiful, just like every part of Dean. Castiel tightened his hand around it and began moving his fist up and down over his penis slowly, testing what pleasured Dean the most by listening to his heart rate and tapping into his central nervous system to examine what Dean was feeling. Dean tried to get him to speed up by thrusting his hips faster, but Castiel rectified that by sitting up and placing his other arm across Dean's hips, exerting pressure to keep him from raising his butt off the bed. This was the first time he would get to see Dean orgasm, and he wanted to take it slow. Not too slow though. This was much too exciting, and he didn't want Dean to get frustrated with him. "Please Cas, I need - Fuck." Castiel had twisted his wrist on an upstroke in such a way that had his thumb circling the head of Dean's cock, spreading copious amounts of pre-come down his thick shaft as he kept stroking him. 

"Fuck, do that again. So good." Dean had his hands fisted into the sheet, and his eyes screwed shut. Castiel didn't like that. "Look at me, Dean." Dean opened his eyes like it was the most tiring thing he'd ever done, they remained at half-mast, giving him a look that Castiel believed people called "bedroom eyes." He understood the phrase now. That look alone was extremely arousing to Castiel... as if he wasn't already. He had already made the decision that when he and Dean were intimate Castiel would press himself as closely into this body as he possibly could, so he could feel everything properly. He was stroking his thumb across the sensitive head of Dean's penis every time his hand reached the top, and Dean was careening quickly towards an orgasm. Castiel could sense it. Castiel moved his arm that was holding Dean's hips to the bed slightly, adjusting the angle, so he could use his fingers to explore Dean's balls. He pulled on them slightly, and Dean moaned loudly and arched off the bed as best he could. 

"Cas, I'm close. Please, I need - Oh, shit! - I need - Faster, Cas, dammit." Castiel smiled at his hunter's speech devolution. Castiel had caused that to happen. Dean was crumpling under his touch and keening his name. Castiel allowed him mercy and lifted his arm off his hips allowing Dean to thrust his hips into the fold of Castiel's fist and he continued jerking him. "Cas, Cas, so close. So close. Almost. Fuck. Oh, fuck!" Dean exclaimed and his hips jutted off the bed as he began to come. Hot semen splashed against Castiel's hand as he continued to jerk Dean steadily, working him through his orgasm. 

Castiel was very pleased with himself. This had turned out very well. He had spent much of the night imagining what Dean would be like when brought to climax, and Castiel was pleased that he had been the one to bring him to completion. Dean shuddered once more and collapsed back onto the bed. Castiel wished away the mess on his hand and Dean and removed his hand from Dean's member, which was softening now. "Fuck, Cas. That was awesome. Holy shit. I love you." Dean breathed deeply and closed his eyes momentarily before snapping them open again. He sat up on his elbows and looked at Castiel closely. "I am glad you enjoyed it, Dean. I love you too."

Dean eyed him. "Cas, can you - umm..." Dean pointed at Cas' pants. "Are you asking if I can get aroused, Dean? Or would you like me to return your clothing?"

 

~Dean~

 

"The first one." Cas smiled at him fondly, like he was being ridiculous. "Yes, Dean. I can get aroused. I am now." Dean took that as all the answer he needed and he grabbed Cas by the lapels of his shirt again and pulled him down to the bed. See, Dean was a giver, not a taker in the sex department. And Cas had just given him one of the best handjobs he'd ever had, and now he got to return the favor. "Dean, what-" Dean cut him off with his mouth, kissing him for all he was worth. Their tongues tangled and Cas' hands grappled at his shoulders wildly. Dean sucked on his tongue mid-kiss and Cas groaned. "Cas, clothes." He breathed against his mouth. Suddenly Cas's clothing was gone, probably folded on the nightstand or some shit, that's how Cas was. Dean ran his hand down Cas' naked skin and watched him shiver. Dean decided to put him through the same torture he'd been submitted to earlier. He ghosted his mouth along Cas's jaw and down to his neck where he bit, not exactly gently. "Dean!" He gasped, and his hips bucked upwards. Cas's hands were in his hair, pulling. Dean ignored it and traveled his mouth down Cas's chest, and was glad to see he wasn't weirded out by this at all. Maybe the first orgasm had done the trick. Dean pinched Cas's nipple and he moaned quietly. "Oh, Dean." Cas was super responsive and it was awesome. He decided to take it a step further, and he licked his way from Cas' collarbone down to his nipple where he drew it into his mouth and sucked sharply. Cas keened under him.

"Dean, please, I need you to-" Dean cut him off by running his hand over Cas' cock. "Dean!" Dean really liked the way Cas kept saying his name. It was freaking hot. Dean closed his hand pretty tight around Cas and started jerking him steadily. Besides five minutes ago he had never done anything with another guy before, but he knew what he liked, and he stuck with that. It was a shame, but he stopped kissing Cas to get into a new position. Dean was on his knees in between Ca's spread legs, looking down at him. He kept jerking him, and he used his other hand to explore Cas' balls. He pulled gently and Cas moaned loudly. "Dean, oh Dean, please. Please, I need to-" His sentence dissolved into a deep groan when Dean ran his thumb along Cas' taint. That always made him go nuts, and it seemed to have the same effect on Cas.

"Oh, please! Dean!" Cas had been thrusting his hips into the fold of Dean's fist and now they started stuttering erratically. Dean took that as a sign he was close and promptly started jerking him harder and faster. Cas was practically writhing in front of him, digging his hands into the sheets so hard his fingers turned white. "Dean, I'm about to-" That was all the warning he got, and then Cas was cumming over his hand. "Dean!" Cum shot up onto Cas's chest as he arched off the bed. Dean kept his hand moving steadily until Cas was too sensitive for him to. God, that had been the hottest thing he'd ever seen. Casa Erotica had nothing on his horny angel calling Dean's name as he came. Dean crawled up beside Cas and laid beside him, looking at him with a big stupid grin. "That was fucking awesome."

 

~Time Skip, Dean's POV~

 

"Dean, I think I've found one. It's a couple of states over in-" Dean interrupted him. "What is it?" Sam shot him a bitchface, he didn't like being interrupted, but he answered Dean's question. "Looks like vampires. A small nest by the looks of it. There are four people dead so far, and one missing. Julia Dugger, she's nineteen and she's been missing for four days."  
"Alright. Let's hop to it. We can do the research there, right? Do we need the fed suits?"  
"I don't think we'll need them, but better bring them just in case. We shouldn't have to interview anyone, maybe except Julia's parents."  
"Okay, let's get ready. I'll let Cas know we're leaving."  
"You better tell your girl, too."  
"She's not my girl, Sam."  
"Whatever you say, Dean." He made an indignant noise as he walked out of the library to find Cas. 

 

"Dean, it would make more sense for me to go with you, and to leave Sam here to watch Maddie."  
"Come on man, I need some time with Sammy. And aren't you and Maddie like buddy-buddy anyway? You've known her a year longer than we have."  
"We are close yet, but still I-"

"Cas. What's this about? You never have a problem when me and Sammy go on hunt." Dean folded his arms over his chest and cocked an eyebrow at Cas who was standing beside Dean's bed looking uncomfortable. "I just - I don't want you to be gone and then you change your mind about the change in our relationship - Dean, what are y-" Dean had grabbed Cas by the hips and pulled him forward into a slow, hungry kiss. Dean mumbled against Cas's mouth. "Cas, this has nothing to do with us. It's a normal hunt. It's what we do. When you read my mind you saw how I felt, right? You know?"  
"You love me, I know, it's just-"

"Okay. That's exactly right. I love you, Cas. Quit worrying, it's not like you." Cas frowned against Dean's cheek.  
"I know. It is strange. I have never felt this insecure, except for when I was human."   
"That's weird, but let me fix it. Look, you know I'm generally a love 'em and leave 'em kind of guy." Cas stiffened against him but Dean plowed through it. "But it's not like that with you, Cas. You... you're my forever, okay? No, don't say anything." Dean held up a hand when Cas opened his mouth. He wanted to get this out. "This isn't a casual bar hook-up, which by the way, I won't be doing anymore. It's just you and me." He mentally added, 'And possibly Maddie', to his sentence. "I don't want you out kissing angels either."

"There is no other creature on earth or in Heaven, or any plane in between, that I want to kiss other than you, Dean." Cas said firmly, looking Dean in the eye the whole time. This time he didn't squirm away from it. Cas hesitantly pulled him in for a kiss, and it was gentle, and slow, and languid. It was full of feelings and emotions, and for once, Dean didn't mind. It was nice to be loved, even if he didn't deserve it. 

 

Dean found Maddie in her room with her door open. She had her hair pinned up to her head, but it was falling loose in curls against the back of her neck. She had taped the target to a piece of styrofoam and had secured the target to the wall somehow. She was standing on the opposite end of the room from it, and she was throwing her knives against it. There were four in a straight line going down the target already. She paused, poised to throw one when she saw him. "Hey, Dean. What's up?" She eyed him closely. "You found a hunt?" Dean was confused about how she always knew what was going on. He didn't know how she did that. "Uh, yeah. How'd you know that?"

"Deduction. You told me earlier you and Sam were going to the library. There's really only one reason you're ever in the library, and it's not because you like books. You're all dressed up in your big black jacket and boots, and you look like you're about to tell me my cat died. Which, though appreciated, is unnecessary. I'll be fine, Dean. You don't need to worry about me. I'm not a princess." Hmm. He wasn't sure exactly how to take that. He hadn't been expecting her to be like sad or anything, but he wasn't exactly expecting her to be cool with it. Well, okay then. Cool. 

"Right. Uh, we'll be gone a couple of days, probably like three or four if everything goes okay." She looked a little more crestfallen about this, but he wasn't sure why. "What are you guys hunting?" She twirled her knife in her fingers as she asked. "Vampires. There's four dead so far, and there's a girl missing. We're leaving soon. Hopefully, we'll find her alive."

"I hope so too. Good luck, and all that jazz." Hmm. She was being very nonchalant about this. More so than he expected from her at this point, and he felt like he knew her pretty well despite their not knowing each other very long. He decided to sign it. It was easier. (M-i-s-s-m-e?) She rolled her eyes and smiled at him.

(O-b-v-i-o-u-s-l-y.) She did it playfully, but Dean caught sadness in her eyes, as well as worry. She signed, (D-i-t-t-o?)  
(Y-e-a-h. A-l-o-t.) He was being honest. It was weird but true.   
"Good." She said aloud. He raised his eyebrow at her in question with a slight smile. "That means you'll come back."

"We're good hunters, you shouldn't worry about us."  
"Haha, that's like telling a river not to be wet. I'm a worrier. It's innate."  
"Fair enough. But still, we'll be fine. We've dealt with a lot worse than a few vampires."  
"I know. You guys be careful though, okay?"  
"We always are."

"Ha, you're hilarious." She smiled, and he did too. The moment was long, and then it turned awkward. Neither of them really knew how to say goodbye. "Dean! Come on, let's load up." Sam saved them both from embarrassment by yelling down the hallway. Maddie cast a glance at where Sam's voice had originated from, then she looked back at Dean and bit her lip. She shuffled her feet awkwardly. Dean said fuck it, and walked over and gave her a hug. She hugged him back immediately, and when they released each other, he felt better. She looked like she did too. "Alright. I guess that's my cue. Bye, Maddie. If you need us, call."

"I will. Bye, Dean. Good luck." She gave him a small smile, and he walked out to join Sam, a heaviness he didn't like sitting in his chest. "Bye, Cas," Dean called as he got into the driver's seat of the Impala. He'd already said goodbye to Cas the way he wanted to. Sam was already in the passenger's seat waiting for him. (Cas. Take care of Maddie, please. Watch out for her. Watch out for yourself too. I love you.) He prayed it as he turned and looked at Cas. He gave him a small, solid nod. Dean felt a little bit better. "You ready, Sammy?" Sam nodded. "Let's go." Dean put the Impala into gear and they drove away from the bunker.


	11. Can Souls Have Separation Anxiety?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little note here, I'm not bashing Christianity, and your beliefs are your beliefs, and that's fine. I just answered the question as I believe Cas would've. Plese, don't take offense... Also, Sam is kind of an asshole in this, we find out why soon. I know it's prob a lot OOC, but for whatever reason, I cannot write Sam Winchester. It refuses to work for me, so forgive me, please. I hope you enjoy. :) He seems to be like Season One Sam in like Season Nine Sam's body. *shrug

~Castiel~

 

A few hours later Castiel was sitting at the kitchen table with Maddie having a discussion about God while learning a card game she called gin rummy. Apparently, it was a bastardized version of two different games, and Maddie was quite good at it. It had taken a few hands for Castiel to fully understand it, but he was quickly learning what cards to pick up, and which to discard. It was quite easy now, and he was about to have gin. "How does God feel about onanism?" The question made Castiel pause as he thought about what he and Dean had done this morning.

"I don't believe my Father would care, I think. Masturbation is not a sin. Humankind has reprinted and changed the bible so many times over that about 80 percent of it is inaccurate if not totally incorrect. I know modern day Christianity says that it is a sin and you shall be damned if you do, but that is not the case. Why?" It was only after he asked that he realized that might not be a question he should've asked. Thankfully, Maddie appeared unperturbed as she picked up a card from the pile. "I was just wondering. It's not often you get the chance to ask an actual angel about God. I was just curious. Sorry if that was uncomfortable for you. I didn't think." Castiel quickly assured her.

"No, it's alright. I wasn't uncomfortable. I have been asked some truly awful questions about God before, namely by Dean, but that wasn't even close to his." She laughed. "Yeah, he definitely has a way with words... It's quiet without them here." She looked around the empty kitchen slowly, as if taking it in. "Yes, it is." She nodded, and they went back to their game, this time in silence. Castiel and Maddie both missed Dean. They were adrift, it seemed, without the Winchester. That night Maddie awoke screaming at three in the morning. Castiel had gone to her as fast as angelically possible, remembering his promise to Dean. It had been just a normal nightmare this time, she refused to say what it was. She had been crying and he had soothed her. She didn't go back to sleep that night. She and Castiel did research, trying to find the demon that was going after Sam. He tried to persuade her to go back to sleep, but she refused on the grounds that she would just have another nightmare and scare him again.

He argued that he could give her rest with his Grace, but she had still refused, this time she did not give a reason why. They worked in relative silence until the dawn touched the sky. Then Maddie broke their study to go get something to eat. He should have remembered that she needed to eat. He was supposed to be taking care of her. He cursed himself as he followed her to the kitchen. The pungent smell of coffee brewing met his nostrils with its pleasant aroma. When he entered the kitchen Maddie was standing by the stove cracking eggs into a skillet. He didn't question the coffee. He knew she was tired, but she refused to sleep. Short of putting her to sleep with his Grace, there was not much he could do. He felt that he was failing in his promise to Dean, and he didn't leave her side that day. That chatted sometimes, and Maddie taught him a couple more card games. They watched a movie called Cloud Atlas, which Castiel hadn't seen and he found it to be quite fantastic. It was one of Maddie's favorites, she said, and watched it with rapt attention, he did the same.

By two o'clock that afternoon Maddie was flagging, but she still refused to go to sleep. Castiel was about to just put her to sleep against her wishes, humans needed sleep, but she distracted him by asking him a question. He responded slowly, surprised. "You want me to teach you to fight?" She nodded emphatically. "You're a warrior of God, and you're a great fighter. If anybody could teach me it's you, right?" Castiel agreed with her logic, that was a solid point. He had been a warrior for a very, very long time. He knew every fighting style and every technique. Though her being a novice and him being a master might prove difficult if he were to start teaching her. Luckily, she was a very close friend, and he had the patience of Job himself.

Well, maybe not quite, but he had plenty of patience. Actually, perhaps he didn't have that much patience. He honestly had no idea how Job had not lost faith even through suffering so much. He had only been human, and even angels lost faith faster than Job had. That Castiel genuinely liked Maddie and considered her family would help while he trained her. If nothing else, she would be better prepared if in fact she ever did join in on a hunt, and it would most likely exhaust her to the point that she would have to sleep. He agreed to teach her how to fight. She wanted to start immediately. He agreed to that too. He took her to their sparring room. It had pads on the floor, and a punching bag, as well as various weapons and other tools they would eventually need. But she was wanting to learn how to defend herself without weapons, so they would start there. She was already wearing loose but not baggy clothing, it was possible she had prepared herself before she had asked him. He took off his coat and his tie, they would only be in the way for this.

She already knew the basics, how to throw a punch properly, how to block and defend. He watched her technique carefully, finding it's weaknesses and flaws, analyzing her like an enemy so he would know where to show her to improve. One thing he did notice was that she didn't move her feet a lot, which would prove a problem in a fight. It was easy to knock a someone down with a hit if they had no balance. He would show her how to keep moving, even if it was just circling around her target. Keep your feet moving, and it's harder to knock you off balance, he told her. She grasped it immediately and did as he instructed. She was a fast learner, he didn't have to remind her to keep it up. He showed her different styles of blocking and gave her different scenarios of when to use them. She was tall and strong, and fast. All things to her advantage. She had strong muscles, and a quick mind, both of which were equally important in a fight.

At first, he had her trying punches into his hand it wouldn't hurt him unless he let it, after all. Then they moved onto the punching bag, he made sure she wrapped her knuckles first, though that wouldn't be practical in a fight, they were training now. He showed her the best way to turn her midsection into a punch to give it the most power with the least effort. They practiced all those things for almost two hours before he called a halt to it, which she disagreed with. She had circles of exhaustion under her eyes, and she needed to sleep, whether she wanted to or not. He refused to let her sway him. With a touch, he eased her tense muscles and sent her to sleep. He carried her to her room and laid her on the bed. She would not wake for several hours, and her sleep would be dreamless. He made sure of that.

The next morning, it was only four a.m., she came into the library with a cup of coffee in one hand while the other was stifling a yawn. He had wished her a good morning when she passed through, and she had said the same to him. When she came back from eating breakfast with her coffee she had thanked him for making her sleep. Then she had asked when they could begin training again. He saw no reason to halt it, and they went down to the training room then. They emerged two hours later. Castiel had decided they would do it in two-hour blocks, that seemed to be an appropriate period of time. Maddie went off to shower, saying she stank, though Castiel smelled nothing unpleasant. He texted Dean and asked how the hunt was going. Dean had replied that it was boring, and he was pissed they'd had to get up so early. They hadn't found anything concrete the last two nights, but they were interviewing the missing girl's parents today, impersonating federal agents. Hopefully, that would give them a lead to where the vampires' nest would be. He wished them good luck. He told Dean he missed him and hoped that they would be successful and return home soon. Dean had replied with;

**D: missing me already huh ;)**   
**D: me too cas we'll be home soon got a lead now  
**   
**C: I have indeed missed you. That's good, Dean. I'm worried about Maddie. Have you talked to her since you left?  
**   
**D: no. ive thought about it, but i dont know. its weird.**   
**D: is she alright? no more visions or anything**

**C: She hasn't had another vision, though she did have a nightmare the night you and Sam left. She refused to sleep afterward, and eventually, I had to put her to sleep using my Grace. Dean, you promised me you would try. If you want to talk to Maddie, please do. You have to give yourselves a chance too.  
**   
**D: thats kinda weird. maybe the nightmare was real bad or something. and i know cas. sorry. ill text her in a few probably  
**   
**C: It's entirely possible the nightmare was very bad. She seemed very shaken, and she refused to say what it was. I respected her privacy on the issue. She asked me to teach her to fight. I've been training her.**

**D: how is she at it any good or does she suck  
**   
**C: She's actually quite good. She's a very fast learner, and she's quick on her feet. I think she would be very useful on a hunt.  
  
** **D: i thought about it before when i saw how she throws knives and shoots like fucking Deadshot. but u want to bring Maddie on a hunt? i mean, shes just a kid  
**   
**C: She is an adult. You were younger than her when you started hunting, and she would be very proficient at it.**

**D: i dont know. i think youre right but do we even know if she wants to hunt?  
**   
**C: I haven't asked her, no. But I think she would like to. I know her very well.  
**   
**D: im not gonna comment.**

**D: when we get home we'll see how she fights then we'll see ok? ask her if she wants to hunt at some point cas  
**   
**C: Okay, Dean. That is acceptable, and I will. I love you.  
**   
**D: i love you too cas... i hope we'll be home soon  
**   
**C: Me too. I look forward to your return.  
**   
**D: gotta check out this lead. ttyl cas :) good luck with the teenager  
**   
**C: I do not need luck with the teenager, but thank you. Good luck to you as well.**

Their conversation ended there. Castiel was very happy he could tell Dean he loved him now. It was a very satisfying feeling. Maddie walked in then, her hair wet from her shower, and her chinks pink. He had made her a bowl of soup while he had been texting Dean. "Made" being a relative word, he had opened a can and heated it up on the stove. It was chicken noodle. She accepted it gratefully and told him thank you. They sat in companionable silence as she ate and he read a book he had borrowed from her. It was very interesting. It was called The Stand by Stephen King. She had suggested it to him because she thought he would like King's play on the Apocalypse. She was right, and he was enjoying it greatly, it was intriguing. "This is a very good book, Maddie." She nodded and swallowed before she spoke. "Yeah, I love it. I've read it seventeen times. No joke. I love that book."

"Why would you read it seventeen times if you've already read it once?"  
  
"Is there something you like to do, Cas? Like a hobby or anything, something you do?"  
  
"I like to watch the sunrise in the mornings."  
  
"Okay, you've seen that once why do you keep watching it?"  
  
"That... is a very good point. I understand now. You enjoy the story."

"Yeah, it's awesome, in the true sense of the word, for me anyway."  
  
"It is a very intriguing novel. It is written very well."  
  
"King is the master of horror. I have more of his books if you'd like to read them next."  
  
"I would like that. Thank you."

"You're welcome." She finished her soup and looked at him expectantly. He felt her stare and looked up over his book at her with an eyebrow raised. "You want to train more?"

"If you don't care."  
  
"You're going to tire yourself out. I do not want you to be injured."  
  
"If I get hurt you can heal me instantly. And I'll be careful."  
  
"That's not the point. Your body is strong, but you don't usually train. We're not exactly going at an easy pace. You will wear yourself down instead of building yourself up."

"Please, Cas? I promise I'll be careful. And I haven't had a problem yet. I'll be fine, I know it."  
  
He relented. Arguing her was like arguing with Sam. She got a rather cute little pouty look and just kept asking. Castiel sighed. "Fine. But we're going to do this my way. You will rest when I tell you, and we will stop when I feel you need to. Understood?"  
  
She gave him a mock salute and grinned widely when she said, "Yes, Sir."

"Okay. Let's go. You should get a bottle of water so you can hydrate properly."  
  
"Can do." She grabbed one from the refrigerator and jogged to catch up to him. "So what are we doing now? Are we going to keep working on what we've been doing, or something new?"  
  
"I was thinking I would teach you some kicks. At least this way, you will be proficient at several different things, and you can master them later as time goes on."  
  
"That works."

"How flexible are you?" He said as he opened the door to the training room. "Um, I don't really know."

"Alright. We'll have to see then. Stand on your dominant leg, and place your foot on this bar." She laid her water bottle on the table and walked over to the bar screwed into the wall and did as he asked. "Now what?"

"Straighten your leg completely. Now bend and see if you can touch your head to your leg." She complied and he was a bit surprised to see her forehead touch below her knee, with her leg completely straight. "Very good. Can you do the same with the other leg?" She switched and did the same, but he noticed she had more trouble keeping her balance standing on that leg. They'd have to work on that.   
  
"We should stretch first. We're going to work on balance and flexibility for a bit, then we'll move on to kicks." She nodded and removed her leg from the bar. She was wearing black pants, Castiel believed they were called leggings, and a loose blue tank top. It was good, he could see her movements perfectly and determine if something was wrong. She walked to the middle of the room where they had been practicing on the mats the last training session, and Castiel noticed she walked on the balls of her feet, her heels didn't even touch the ground. They were only half an inch or so from the floor, but they didn't touch. "Maddie, do you always walk like that?"

"Uh yeah. Habit." This would work well when teaching her to balance properly as she fought. Excellent. She walked with grace like a dancer might. Hmm. That could prove useful too. "Do you dance?" A blush filled her face. "Yeah. Sort of. Nothing proper, but I do."

"Good. This will be simple then, I think." He walked over in front of her and proceeded to teach her how to flow from movement to movement. Lithe, smooth, like a snake. The only jerking movement would be when she strikes an opponent. Even that is executed smoothly. She was an excellent pupil. She caught on to everything quickly, and usually only had to be shown something once. Pivoting on the balls of her feet to execute moves came easily to her, and Castiel was proud of how good she was doing and told her as much. "Thanks, Cas. This is actually really awesome. Do you think I'd do okay in a fight?"

"You are proficient enough to defend yourself. You have to take into account you would most likely be fighting supernatural creatures that will be much stronger than you."  
  
"I wasn't aware that I'd be hunting."  
  
"Well, you're living with the Winchesters and I. You'll more likely be fighting something supernatural on more occasions than humans."  
  
"True. But do you think I could hunt? Like really?"

"Dean and I have discussed it. Personally, I feel that you would be great. You are fantastic with a firearm, as well as knives, Dean tells me. I think you are definitely well-rounded enough to give it a try. The only thing we would have to wait and see about would be if you are cool under pressure, and can handle the stress of the situations. I know you think quickly on your feet, and you're smart. I think you would do fine on a hunt, but it's not me we have to convince."  
  
"It's Dean."

"Yes. He has offered to give you a chance. He wants to see how well you fight when they come home."  
  
"Then we need to work on something to show him. Let's keep going, Cas." Her eyes were alight with renewed excitement, and Castiel was glad for it.

 

~Maddie~

 

Maddie was so tired that night that she went to sleep without complaint. That was her goal. If she exhausted herself she would actually sleep without nightmares. She had taken to sleeping with a pencil and her sketchpad in her hands so that if she got a vision while she was asleep her mind wouldn't blaze with pain trying to process it. She pretty much died for almost nine hours that night, and when she woke up her muscles were sore. She would have to stretch the hell out of them to be able to do anything today. Cas had planted that seed about hunting in her mind and now she was consumed with the desire to do it. She wondered how she could convince Dean to let her. She had an idea. But nobody was going to like it but her. That was alright.

She didn't have to tell anyone until she was doing it. She wondered if Dean would be mad. Probably. He hadn't texted. Her mind really wanted to overthink that. She was trying not to, but it wasn't working at all. She didn't know why he would be all... cuddly with her, and close to her, and then leave and not text her. She knew she was doing that typical female thing, but still. That was weird. And her heart wanted to be hurt by it, like an idiot. It's not like he loved her or anything. Hell, they'd only known each other for a few days. She guessed she was being unrealistic, but still. She couldn't help that it hurt. Right as she was thinking that her phone dinged on the table. She figured it was Cas asking her what she wanted for breakfast or something. And... no. It was from Sam of all people.

**S: I swear, I don't know what you've done to Dean, but you need to talk to him.**   
  
**M: I haven't done anything to Dean. He's not even here. What are you talking about? Is he okay?**   
  
**S: Not really. He's moping around like his favorite dog died and I can't take it anymore.**   
  
**M: Well... I'm sorry, but I don't understand what that has to do with me.**   
  
**S: I'm not trying to be rude, but you're the reason. He's been like this since we left, and he's worrying me. Driving me crazy actually.**   
  
**M: I don't know how I'd be the reason. It probably has something to do with him and Cas. I didn't do anything. Not that I know of, anyway.**

**S: Oh, come on. He's all moony over you, Maddie. But seriously, if you don't text him now I will probably either stab him with a very large knife or call Cas and have him pick him up and take him back to the bunker. He's ridiculous. I haven't seen him this bad since they canceled Dr. Sexy. I can't take this anymore. He's insufferable.**   
  
**M: Moony over me? ...I'm not even going to question that. I've only known him a few days, Sam. And if he wanted to text me he would. Maybe you should ask him what's wrong.**   
  
**S: Don't you think I have? He just glares and yells at me.**   
**S: Seriously, please text him. If you don't I'm going to stab him in the foot and he can hobble back to the bunker for all I care.**

**M: Sam, I'm serious, if he wanted to text me he would. But if it will get you to shush, and refrain from stabbing Dean (please) I will text him. Jeez.**   
  
**S: Awesome. Freaking finally.**   
  
**M: Oh hush. You got what you wanted. Just don't stab him, I'll text him right now if it will make you happy, Princess Samantha.**   
  
**S: Wow. You are actually sarcastic. What happened to the meek little mouse? :P**   
  
**M: Maybe I ate her. Now shush. I'm going to text Dean.**   
  
**S: You're kind of bad ass, you know that?**

Maddie rolled her eyes and ignored his message, even though it made her feel good that Sam said it. She clicked on Dean's name and started typing out her message. It was just a simple:   
  
**M: Hey, Dean?**

**It was only a couple minutes later that he answered.**

**D: hey maddie**   
  
**M: What's up?**   
  
**D: nothing. were planning on scouting the building where we think the vamps are soon**   
  
**M: Oh, right. Umm, is everything alright?**   
  
**D: eh its alright i guess. why?**

**M: Sam threatened you with bodily harm if I didn't text you. He said you were moping... I'm sorry. I wouldn't have texted unless I thought he was actually halfway serious. Has he been drinking or something? He seemed... a little off.**   
  
**D: oh. and no, i think hes sober. im generally the drinker between the two of us**   
  
**M: Oh?**   
  
**D: its nothing**   
  
**M: Please don't lie to me. I know we haven't known each other long, but I thought... Well... I don't know. I thought we were closer than that. Was I wrong?**   
**M: I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. Forget it.**   
  
**D: no. shit. im sorry, maddie. youre right. i havent been sleeping. im pretty much exhausted, sams being an asshole, and this hunt isnt as easy as we thought itd be. its just shitty. D: can i call you**

**M: Uh, yeah, I guess. If you want.**   
  
**D: itd just be easier. hold on a sec. i have to get out of the motel room.**   
  
**M: Okay.**

She wondered why Dean hadn't been sleeping. She hadn't been sleeping for shit the last few days, but she doubted it was for the same reason. She just... missed Dean. Sleeping next to him, and waking up with him. It was addictive, apparently. Not to mention she didn't get nightmares when he was there, which was like the best personal blessing she ever could've asked for. She hated her nightmares. She wondered if the soulmates thing was affecting them. Like... like they weren't comfortable unless they were close to each other. That actually made sense, now that she thought about it. When her phone rang it actually scared her and she jumped. She glared at it like it had personally affronted her and swiped the green button across the screen to answer. "Hello."

"Hey." Dean's voice was hesitant, and she could hear a slight crackle across the line. He was outside somewhere. "He probably wouldn't have stabbed me, you know."  
  
"Probably is very reassuring."  
  
"He's Sam. You never know. So how're you?"  
  
"I'm alright, I guess. Me and Cas have been training. He's teaching me how to fight some more. It's occupied us both while you guys were gone. He says I'm good."  
  
"That's good. This has been pretty crappy so far. We've pretty much came up with nothing, but we've got a couple of leads we need to track down." He stifled a yawn then continued. "We're hoping we've finally found them, but I seriously need to sleep before we go, or I'm going to be cannon fodder."

"Can I ask why you haven't been sleeping?" She felt his hesitance to answer, but he did. "I haven't really slept since we left. I think it's because of the soul mates thing."  
  
"Oh thank God."  
  
"Umm..."

"Not that you haven't been sleeping! I just thought I was the only one." Her voice was small, and she wasn't sure how she felt about telling him this. "I had a nightmare the first night you left. I woke up at 3 in the morning, and I wouldn't go back to sleep. Cas eventually had to knock me out. The training's helping now. If I exhaust myself, it's easier."  
  
"Oh wow." Well, this was fun and awkward.

"Yeah...."  
  
"Sorry. I didn't mean it like that. It's just... I didn't expect this to happen."  
  
"Me either. I wonder if this falls into the category of things that Cas thought we wouldn't consider valuable information."  
  
"Maybe you should ask him. If it's a yes I'm going to choke him."

She started laughing at him, and he chuckled too. The sound ran through her like whiskey and she felt warm. Like she was full of sunshine. "You need to sleep, Dean. Seriously."  
  
"I know. But I don't know how to achieve that."

"Well, there are medicines for it, but I have a better suggestion. Beware, Sam will probably make fun of you for it."  
  
"There has yet to be an aspect of my life he hasn't mocked at some point or another. What is it?"  
  
"Cas could go over there and knock you out."  
  
"That's... actually a good idea. I could do that."  
  
"Good. I wouldn't want you to be cannon fodder for the wannnabe draculas."

He chuckled slightly. "Hey, thanks Maddie. And listen... I should've texted you. I'm not really sure why I didn't, it's just..."  
  
"I didn't text because I guessed that if you wanted to talk to me you would. I'm always down for texting. I understand it's probably a little weird."  
  
"In that case, text me, okay? I don't care about what, just... I don't know. Talk to me, okay?" Dean sounded strangely vulnerable and it made her want to hug him.  
  
"Okay, Dean. Same goes, okay?"

"Okay. I'm going to go call Cas I guess, and see if I can actually sleep for the next for hours. Thanks, Maddie."  
  
"You're welcome. Now go sleep. I'll talk to you later, Dean."  
  
"Okay. Bye."  
  
"Bye, Dean." She said softly, and she heard the line disconnect.

Well... She didn't know if that was good or bad, really. She felt a little better, sort of. She didn't know, this was a weird situation. She rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands and pretty much said fuck it. Then her phone dinged. She opened it and it was a message from Sam.

**S: What the hell is up with Dean anyway? He's been weird ever since you showed up.**

She sighed. Maddie really didn't know why Sam was acting like that. He'd been nice to her when he was here. Now he seemed to dislike her.

**M: Cas, is Dean asleep yet?**   
  
**C: Yes, he is. Why do you ask?**   
  
**M: Just wondering, thanks Cas.**   
  
**C: You're welcome?**

She just laughed, then texted Dean.

 **M: I'm sorry. But we really need to tell Sam now. He's not stupid, he already knows something's going on. You should really consider it. He's not going to leave it alone, and he deserves to know. I'm not going to tell him, that's for you to do, I think. But he's texting me asking me what the hell I've done to you. I have to say something.**  
  
~

**M: I haven't done anything to Dean, Sam. Promise.**   
  
**S: That's bull crap. He's been different practically since you showed up in the Impala.**   
  
**M: Sam, I haven't done anything. This isn't my fault.**   
  
**S: I'm not buying it. You know what's going on with him. Cas too, but nobody's telling me. I'm not buying that you didn't do something.**   
  
**M: Why do you dislike me so much? I didn't have anything to do with this, I swear. And no one is talking because YOUR big brother asked us not to. So when he wakes up why don't you take it up with him? Or even ask Cas. He'll tell you. I didn't cause this.**

Surprisingly, she didn't get an answer back. That was kind of a shocker. Whatever. Dean could tell him what was going on and Sam could keep being an asshole. She had a feeling he was eventually going to push too far, and she was going to explode. She hadn't shown her anger to anyone in so long. Since her father had come back. She'd had to walk on eggshells if she hadn't her father would've hurt her mom. Maddie'd been meek, and silent, and the peacekeeper and all her anger kept getting bottled up and bottled up, and eventually, it was going to just pop. She hadn't been allowed to be angry for years, and finally, she was free of the familial restraints. That was bad. Bad for whoever ended up being on the receiving end of the explosion, and she had a strong feeling it would be Dean or Sam. Fuck.   
  
She got up and went down to the kitchen to find some food. She grabbed breakfast, a bowl of fruit loops, and then went down to the training room. With or without Cas, she would train. Because when the time came, and it would, she was going to be ready to defend herself. Whether it was against monsters or a Winchester, she was going to whoop some ass. She started pounding the punching bag with an intensity that would rival Hillary Swank in Million Dollar Baby.  
  
  
  
  



	12. Missing Dean, and Sob Stories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SniMv8EGiY 
> 
> If you haven't heard it, Jensen Ackles version of this song is amazing. 10/10. Def recommend listening to it before or while you read that part of the chapter. That song makes me weak in the knees, lol. OH, WARNING, graphic-ish fighting in this one. Sam is fucked up and being an absolute douchebag to Maddie. Fair warning. I don't want to give too many details away, but it's bloody an there are angst and self-loathing and anger type things.

~Castiel~

 

Castiel found her in the training room. Of course, that's where she was. She was beating the punching bag like it had personally offended her. Her technique was correct, and her movements clean and sharp, he was pleased to note. He was starting to believe she had an unhealthy obsession with this, though. Why was she pushing herself so hard? Castiel didn't know, and Maddie didn't say. They trained for hours that day, much longer than Castiel had wanted her to, but she was correct. Anything she injured could get healed instantly, and she wanted to prove to Dean that she could hunt by the time he came back. Which should be soon. It had been three days since he and Sam had left. 

They had figured out where the vampires were, and they were preparing to go attack. Castiel was trying not to worry, he knew they were both excellent hunters, but he couldn't seem to shake the feeling. He was usually with them when they were on cases, he wasn't used to being here in the bunker when they were off hunting. If they needed help, he wouldn't hesitate to go to them, though. Maddie was perfectly capable of being alone, but he understood she should not be by herself all the time. Castiel had been so lost in thought he hadn't realized Maddie had stopped and was looking at him. She was breathing heavily, and he wondered if she'd been at this for awhile. "What's up, Cas?"

~Time Skip, Cas's POV~

That night Maddie was in the kitchen making some sort of food for herself and Castiel was in the library when he heard the strangest sound. Castiel gasped. It was Dean, singing. To the best of Castiel's knowledge, Dean claimed he couldn't sing. And he wasn't here. Curious, and more than a little in awe of the voice, he went to the kitchen quickly. Maddie was standing in front of the stove, stirring soup in a pot. The voice was issuing from her laptop sitting on the table. She turned around when she heard him. "Is-Is that Dean?" His voice came out rather choked. "Yeah, Jensen sings. He's really great. I listen to them when I'm... down, I guess. Here. Listen to this one." She touched a button on her laptop and the volume went up, and the song changed. A guitar started strumming slowly, then Dean's clear, sweet voice filled the silence of the bunker. 

"Well, Momma told me... when I was young.  
Said sit beside me, my only son  
Listen closely to what I say, if you do this, it'll help you some sunny day, oh yeah.  
Oh take your time, don't live too fast.  
Troubles will come and they will pass.  
You'll find a woman, mmm, and you'll find love,  
Don't forget son, there is someone, up above  
And be a simple kind of man, be a something... you love and understand.  
Oh baby, be a simple kind of man.  
Won't you do this for me son, if you can?"

Castiel was shaken. Dean's voice was so sad, and smooth. It filled Castiel with a joy and a sorrow so profound that if he were human he would have tears in his eyes. He looked at Maddie in awe. This was absolutely beautiful. 

"Forget your lust for the rich man's gold.  
All that you need is in your soul.  
You can do this, oh baby,  
If you try.  
All that I want for you my son is to be satisfied.  
And be a simple kind of man, oh be something you love and understand  
Yeah baby, be a simple kind of man,  
Won't you do this for me son, if you can?"

Breathtaking. That was the only word. This was such a beautiful song, and Dean's voice was slow and deep, rich and mellow. Castiel felt that his insides were melted. 

"Boy, don't you worry, you'll find yourself.  
Follow your heart, and nothing else.  
Yeah you can do this, oh baby, if you try.  
All that I want for you my son is to be satisfied.  
And be a simple kind of man.  
Be something you love and understand.  
Yeah baby, be a simple kind of man.  
Won't you do this for me son, if you can?"

Castiel did have tears prickling his eyes now. He had pressed himself tightly into his vessel, and he was being overwhelmed by emotion right now. The sweet violin and guitar music faded away, and Dean's voice with it. "Do you want to listen to it again?" Maddie asked softly and Castiel nodded. He couldn't speak. There was a lump in his throat, and he didn't understand what was going on, but he didn't care. This was the most beautiful thing he'd ever heard, and it affected him in the most profound way. That night, they played the song on repeat and sat at the kitchen table in silence. They let Dean's voice comfort them, and fill the quiet that had settled after the Winchesters left. 

 

~Maddie~

 

Maddie barely slept that night. Dean had texted earlier and he had said they successfully destroyed the vampires and managed to rescue the girl that had been missing. He hadn't mentioned the thing with Sam, so she hadn't either. They tied up all the loose ends and were driving back now. Thank God. Maddie didn't think she could take another evening like they'd had tonight. Something had happened. She'd felt it. A shift, or something. Cas had been crying as the played Simple Man over and over again. She loved the song and had cried a few times when she first listened to it too, but Cas was an angel. 

She hadn't expected that at all. It was beautiful and sad all at the same time, and she'd felt she'd almost been intruding on a personal moment. Dean's voice had filled the void of silence, and she had never seen Cas so full of emotion. They had shared something tonight. It was sweet, and it was profound, and Maddie wasn't entirely sure what it meant. She understood that she was tied to the Winchesters in more way than one now. She and Cas both. Her phone dinged where it was still in her hand. She brought it up to look at it. It was nearly three o'clock in the morning. Probably Cas, then. She opened it and it was actually from Dean.

D: maddie, are you awake?  
M: Yeah. What's up?  
D: nothing much. were about three hours out now. about the thing with sam...  
M: Are you mad?  
D: no. he was being an asshole. as usual. what exactly did you guys say to each other?

Instead of answering, she just sent him screenshots of her and Sam's messages.

D: i am going to kill him.  
M: Don't worry about it. I just don't understand why Sam is acting that way. He was nice to me when you guys were here. Did you tell him?  
D: yeah, hes pissed i didnt tell him. and that i made you and cas not say anything  
M: What'd I say? 

D: yeah yeah i know. i just didnt want to  
M: He doesn't seem to like me now. I'm really not sure why.  
D: i think hes jealous

M: Uh, you want to run that one by me again?  
D: seriously. he went on a rant about how ive been spending all my time with you, and i dont need to forget about family, blah blah blah.  
M: Wow.... :o  
D: i know. its actully kind of funny

M: Easy for you to say. He blames me.  
D: hell get over it. hell pout for a while then be fine. hes like a kid  
M: You should actually spend time with your brother, you know.  
D: i have been. for years. besides its not like ive forgotten about him. and we live together. i cant exactly avoid him.

M: Put yourself in his shoes. Some stranger shows up and all of a sudden your brother is gone all the time, you barely talk to him, and he's constantly with a stranger you don't trust at all. How would you feel?  
D: ok. id be pissed too  
M: Exactly. Sam loves you. He's worried, and he feels like he's being replaced. Sam's more insecure than he lets on.

D: i guess i should try to "emote" with him.  
M: Good luck! You're going to need it. :)  
D: thanks, and yeah, i definitely will. hes cranky  
M: Have fun with that. I'll see you soon, Dean.  
D: seeya, maddie :)

 

She smiled at her phone. Okay. She felt a bit better now. Maybe she could sleep. She did. And she had a nightmare. At least she didn't wake up screaming this time. It was a little after 5 in the morning. She said fuck it and dragged herself out of bed to the kitchen and started the process of making coffee. She was going to need it. Cas came into the kitchen approximately thirty seconds after she did and she wondered if he'd been waiting on her to get up or something. She stifled a yawn and said, "Good morning, Cas."  
"Good morning, Maddie. How are you?"  
"Another nightmare. I'm running on about two hours of sleep if that tells you anything."

"I do not understand why you continue to refuse my help. I can put you to sleep dreamlessly, and painlessly. You would be well rested."  
"It's kind of a personal thing, Cas. It freaks me out. If something happened I wouldn't wake up."  
"Oh. I had not thought of that." He frowned.

"It's alright. I'm used to running on no sleep. I babysat a toddler and a four-month-old infant up until he was over a year old while his parents worked the night shift from four to midnight. They'd get home at about one thirty in the morning, something like that. I've had a lot of sleepless nights, believe me."  
"That sounds frustrating."

"It was." She said as she poured her cup of coffee and added milk and sugar. "Sylus, the baby, wasn't very fond of me when I moved in with them. He didn't know me, he wasn't comfortable with me. It'd take me over an hour sometimes to get him to sleep. It was horrible. But now he loves me. We're really close. He calls me Momma. So does Connor, actually. Connor says MommyMaddie. One word. I miss those little monsters."  
"I am sorry." Cas looked sad.

"No, Cas. I'm not. It's alright. I would have been moving away from them very soon anyhow. I'm glad you brought me here. I'm infinitely thankful for that."  
"I'm glad, Maddie. I feared you had regretted your decision to stay here."  
"Nope. Not in the slightest." She glanced at the clock hanging on the wall. "It's almost five thirty. The guys should be here soon. By six or so."

"I know. They will be here in exactly..." His eyes went far away for a moment. "Twenty-seven minutes."  
"That's handy." She said.  
"I do find it useful. Are you going to make yourself something to eat? You should eat."

"Yeah, yeah Cas. I'm going to. Should I make something for the guys too?"  
"I am not sure. I will ask Sam."  
"That'll work out well." She muttered as she turned around to grab the eggs and the sausage from the freezer.  
"Sam is upset with you."  
"Yep. Should I ask what he said?"

"He said he 'wouldn't eat anything that witch makes.' I'm assuming the term witch is relative, as we all know you are not." Ouch. "Yeah. Guess so." Maddie thought about it for a second, then put the eggs and sausage back up. She'd just grab a bagel and go down to the training room. She didn't feel like cooking. She just ate it plain, it was a blueberry one, but it tasted like cardboard in her mouth. When she finished she grabbed a bottle of water and with a "Seeya Cas," she walked down to the training room. She stretched, and warmed up her muscles before practicing the kicks that Cas had showed her. Even in just a few days, she could feel the difference in her body. Cas said she was progressing much faster than he had expected and that she was doing well. That made her happy. As she lost herself in the beat of her fists and the sway of the punching bag, time whiled itself away. The next thing she knew the training room door was opening, and she turned to see who it was. Her stomach dropped. It was Sam. "We need to talk." He said harshly as he closed the door.

 

~Sam~  
~September 16th~

 

God, he was so freaking mad he could barely see straight. The liquor wasn't helping his temper at all. He was on the edge of being drunk, but he really didn't care right now. He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down. It was not effective. He slammed the door of the Impala as he got out and stalked into the bunker without grabbing his bag or anything. He could come get it later. Right now he had something to deal with. And its name was Maddie. That freaking little lying-. He couldn't really call her bitch, though he wanted to. It didn't feel right. She was just a kid, but he was still pissed at her and she was sure gonna figure that out in just a minute. 

 

~Maddie~

 

"How'd you manage to get by Dean and Cas? I can't imagine they're okay with this."  
His eyes glittered with anger. "They were so wrapped up in each other they didn't notice." She sighed wearily.  
"What do you want, Sam? You want to yell, fine. Feel free. Let me hear it."  
"I don't like the fact that you came in here with your sob story and got your evil little hooks into my brother, and my best friend."  
"It wasn't a sob story and I didn't do anything to Dean or Cas. I am not evil, Sam. You need to shut it."  
"Why? Does it bother you? Good. Just like I've been bothered since you came in here and took my big brother."  
"Look. I didn't come in here. Cas brought me here. His choice. Dean accepted me. His choice. YOU let me stay here. Your choice. I didn't take Dean."

"The hell you didn't! He can't even sleep without you around now, and what kind of crap is that? Do you know what it's been like the last few days having to deal with his mopey ass?!"  
"Which, again, isn't my fault. I had nothing to do with the soulmates thing. It just happened."  
"Uh huh, sure. Like I'm going to believe you."

Suddenly Dean and Cas were in the room and she didn't know or care how they got in there. "Sam." Cas said warningly and moved to restrain him. "No, Cas." She said, her voice more strong and clear than it had ever been. Command was in the words, and Cas turned around and looked at her, eyes wide. "We're going to hash this out right now, I guess." Sam said smugly.  
"Sam, what the fuck- "

"Hush, Dean," Maddie said. She couldn't look at him. She couldn't. He was going to hate her in a minute, because if Sam said one more thing... Maddie's fists were balled at her sides, her fingernails digging into her palms as she spoke. "You two are not to interfere. I'm serious. Don't. Sam. You don't trust me, which is fine. But you do not speak of my past that way. I am not lying. I have done nothing wrong here." He threw his hands in the air and stomped towards her. Dean started forward but she held up a hand and he stopped. She raised her chin and looked Sam right in the eye.

"You came in here with your little sob story about how big mean daddy beat your poor little mommy and sank your claws into everyone I care about." Maddie saw red, literally. "Sam!" Dean's voice was incredulous and outraged. Her vision was tinged with a reddish hue. She smelled the alcohol on him, she'd recognize the smell anywhere. Rage rose up in her and she struggled to contain it. Her voice was steel when she spoke.  
"Do not talk about my mom, Sam. I'm warning you."  
"Why? Because it's a lie? Did Daddy really beat Mommy, or is that part of this whole vulnerability act you got going on here? Huh?" 

That was it. The final straw. Her control snapped and she launched herself at Sam who was unprepared. "Maddie!" Dean yelled. She landed a wicked right uppercut straight into his jaw and he stumbled back, holding his mouth, which was bleeding, utter surprise in his eyes. Then it turned to anger as he narrowed his eyes and stalked forward. They were only feet apart now. "Sam. I want to hunt. If I take you down, I get to hunt, and I get to stay here."

"And since you won't win, what do I get when you lose?"  
"I'll leave. You won't see me again. I keep my word."  
"Maddie." Dean breathed the word, astonished.  
"Maddie, you are not read-"  
"No, Cas! Do not interfere. If I win, I hunt, if I don't, I leave. Those are the terms. Sam?"  
"I don't usually make it a habit to hit kids or girls, but I'll make an exception for you, I'll even take it easy on you. If you win you can hunt. If not you're gone. I never see you again."

"Agreed. And one, I'm eighteen. And I am a woman. And two, I wouldn't suggest taking it easy on me, I will take you down to the floor you bastard." She spat the words, and they were not prideful. She said it like she was speaking a fact. His eyes widened in surprise but he laughed at her. He raised his arms in a defensive gesture and smirked at her. "Come on." He said. She smiled then, and she knew it was a cruel smile.

 

~Sam~

 

Sam narrowed his eyes when she smiled at him. Adrenaline was surging through him, and he was so ready for this. He couldn't believe Dean and Cas were actually letting them do this. But he was thankful for it. This was going to be awesome. He narrowed his focus down to the girl in front of him, and they began to circle each other. She didn't even have her arms up. Amateur. He rushed forward and swung his right arm out in a powerful punch but she ducked under it and landed a solid uppercut right to his diaphragm. He understood why her arms were down now. His breath was forced out of him, and he bent over. She took the opportunity and grabbed his head and brought her knee up, slamming it into his face, breaking his nose. He heard a sickening crunch and pain washed over him in a red wave, but he straightened quickly and swiped his leg under her feet, knocking her on her ass. She was up again in a flash, he had barely seen her move. Probably because his eyes were watering so badly. Fuck his nose hurt. Little bitch. Anger was blinding him.

 

~Maddie~

 

Maddie could feel her blood singing. She felt powerful for the first time in her life. Sam Winchester was bleeding because of her. She'd already landed two punches, and she was pretty positive she'd broken his nose. Her rage was useful now, instead of cumbersome. It was fueling her, giving her energy, and keeping her mind crystal clear. It's like everything was in slow motion like she could anticipate the moves before they happened, and she already knew how to react. She studied Sam as they circled each other. She felt like a lion tracking a gazelle. Lithe, powerful, predatory.

 

~Sam~

 

Sam circled her. He couldn't believe she had broken his fucking nose. Jesus Christ, she was just a damned kid. And she was over there grinning at him like a maniac. He decided he was going to wipe that smile right off her face. Trying to ignore how wrong it felt, he surged forward and brought his fist to her face. She dodged away from it, but he still caught her in the jaw. When she whirled back, that fucking smile still wasn't gone. There was already a purple bruise forming on her jaw. "How was that? Remind you of your mom, huh? You feel like her right now?" He had no idea why he was saying all that, something was driving him to. Even he knew when he had crossed the line. Her smile dropped and her eyes glinted dangerously. She started advancing forward and for some reason he found himself backing up. He was being stalked. For the first time, he entertained the thought that he might not actually win this.


	13. Shit Just Went Sideways in the Most Colossal Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of the bloody FIGHT SCENE, some hurt/comfort, and a whole lot of self-loathing and hate, just a head's up. Angst as well. Don't hate me.

~Maddie~

 

Maddie stalked him around the room, her feet moving on their own accord. Her body was taut and ready. She remembered every single thing Cas had taught her, everything she'd ever seen, all the times she'd seen her dad beat her mom. Her anger was her fuel, her strength, and her reason. She was going to take him down. She was going to earn her place here. She saw Sam hesitate in a step when she smiled again and she took that as her opportunity. She rushed forward and quick as a lightning strike she was all over him. She kneed him in the crotch, which made him bend down instinctively and she brought her right fist up against his chin again, hitting the same spot she had before, and Sam roared as his head rocked back. She landed punches to his ribs, and moving like a whirlwind, she stepped to his side and brought her leg swinging towards his knees with a devastating blow. He fell and landed right on his ass. 

She was on top of him in an instant. He was trapped. She exerted her strength to keep him pinned but he wasn't struggling much. His face was covered in blood, and his angry little eyes were staring up at her. Her words hissed out of her mouth with rage and venom, and Sam winced away from them, fear entering his eyes. "I win, you bastard. This is for my mom." And she brought her head down and head butted him as hard as she could. Maddie practically flew off of him and she ran past Dean and Cas, who both tried to grab her. She ran all the way through the bunker with Dean's voice calling behind her. 

She couldn't right now. She shouldn't. She had just head-butted Sam fucking Winchester, and holy shit she felt like hell. She threw the door of the bunker open and ran outside, not caring about her bare feet. She ran around to the other side of the bunker, where she and Dean had thrown knives. She threw herself into the copse of trees there and ran and ran until she collapsed. She put her back against a large tree and drew her knees to her chest. Ignoring her pounding heart and rushing breath she crossed her arms across her knees and put her hot forehead onto them. Resting it there, she began to try to control her breathing. 

Dean was probably more than a little pissed at her. She had literally just taken his little brother down and called him a bastard, before head-butting him. She was pretty sure she had knocked him out. Her head was aching where she had done that and she thought she must've cut her foot on something because it was stinging. She might've stepped on some glass or something during her escape. God. She couldn't believe she had done that. Her control had just snapped, she had been so goddamn angry. She had planned on fighting Sam to prove she could hunt, but not like that. She had just let it all loose on Sam, who definitely hated her now. Living with him was going to be impossible. She resigned herself to having to leave Dean and her heart ached at the thought. God, she'd miss Cas. And where was she even going to go? It didn't matter. She'd just drift around. That had pretty much already been on the agenda anyway. It was a weird mental list she had of things to do when shit hit the fan. And to quote Deadpool, shit had just went sideways in the most colossal way. 

Well, maybe not the most. She could've killed him. She had wanted to. She hadn't though. She couldn't believe he had said those things about her mom. She had understood he didn't like her, but Jesus Christ, she hadn't expected him to feel like that towards her. Sam, of all people. She could see something like that from Dean or something, but not Sam. Sam was usually the level-headed one. The things he had said had been verging into cold and cruel territory, which was unlike him. And her mom, God, her mom. She didn't know if she'd be proud or ashamed of her. Well... no. Mom would be proud of her. She had stuck up for herself and fought for what she wanted. 

Maddie was letting her own fears and negativity taint that. God, she missed her. It was an ache, every day. Because every day there was something she wanted to tell her about, and she never got to now. Lately, what she had wanted to tell her about was Dean. Oh, Dean. Her heart was aching with the thought of leaving him and Cas. She'd miss the bunker and all its weird hallways, and underground bedrooms. But Dean... He was everything. Everything had happened so fast, and it was really insane, but she wanted him. She wanted him in the forever way. She could see herself growing old with him, or growing large with a big pregnant belly. She had fallen so hard. She fucking loved the guy. Oh God. She pressed her head harder into her forearm, hard enough to make the thoughts stop. Hard enough that she could only focus on the pain. 

 

~Dean~

 

Dean made sure Cas had Sam handled and then he went running after Maddie through the bunker. His legs were long, but she was really fast, and he didn't catch up to her before she was out of it. He had seen her disappear into the trees behind the bunker and he had thundered after her. Eventually, he had to stop blindly following and start tracking her. He found a broken bottle, some of the pieces covered in blood, and he winced. There was blood on the grass here and there, and he followed it. There were signs of someone passing, broken branches, and trampled grass, that he was able to follow easily. He ducked under a large branch when he saw her. She was curled up into a ball, her head on her knees. She was so still. Just sitting there, not rocking, or making any kind of noise. Dean stopped and caught his breath. He wiped the sweat from his forehead, it was cool out today, but he'd been running for a while. 

He couldn't believe he had let them do that to each other. He had tried to stop them, but Cas had grabbed him and said that they needed to do it, to trust him. And Dean had, but it had been damn hard. So hard. Cas had to hold him back more than once. Maddie had whooped Sam's ass, and he was actually proud of her. She had been amazing. He was so pissed at Sam. The stuff he'd said to her made Dean want to beat his ass. He couldn't believe his brother would be like that. He looked up at Maddie, who still hadn't moved. Her hair was falling out of the bun on the back of her head, curling around her temples and the back of her neck. She had bits of leaves and twigs in her hair and scratches on her arms. He could see blood spattered on the front of her right foot. That must've been the one she cut. He walked towards her, not trying to be silent, but she didn't look up. She looked up when he sat down beside her, her eyes were dry but full of misery. She put her head back down on her arms, hiding. He put a hand on her back, and tried to soothe her, and waited for her to speak. Eventually, it came. "Is Sam okay?"

"He's fine. Cas healed him." Probably, anyway. Dean hadn't stuck around to see. Cas should've fucking let him suffer, Dean thought.  
"Good." She didn't say anything else, and neither did he. They sat there for a long time. Dean prayed to Cas and told him they were fine, that he had found Maddie, she just needed some time. 

Maddie spoke eventually. "Dean?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Why are you out here?"

"Because I wanted to make sure you were alright. And you shouldn't be alone. And I wanted to be with you."  
"Oh." Her voice was small, and Dean didn't have a clue what that was supposed to mean. Dean leaned up against the tree, his arm still thrown around Maddie, and his legs spread out in front of him. He waited patiently on Maddie to come to terms with what had happened. He was comfortable just being next to her. The forest was quiet, but birds were chirping, and the trees were actually really nice to just sit and look at. Eventually, she slowly moved and laid her head on his chest, and wrapped her right arm around him. Dean felt the gentle shaking of her shoulders, and a soft sob escaped her. There it was, she was going to be okay. He planted a kiss on her hair and hugged her tight. He didn't say anything. He didn't need to. He understood. He just held her and let her get it all out. When she quieted he ran a hand through her hair and waited for her to speak. He knew she would eventually. When she was ready. "Thank you for understanding, Dean."

"You're welcome, but you don't have to thank me."  
"Is it safe to say you don't hate me?"  
"For beating the shit out of Sam? Ha ha. No. I'm proud of you." She looked up at him, confused. "Why?"  
"You proved you belonged here. You fought for what you wanted, and Sam provoked you and you didn't back down. You earned my respect, as well as his, I would bet. That was seriously awesome. You dropped Sam like a sack of flour. You're golden in my eyes." She smiled and his heart skipped like it always did. She winced when it made her cheek hurt where she had the giant purple bruise along her jaw. The sight of it made him sick, and he wanted to kill his brother. "You think Cas is mad?"

"No. Absolutely not. He loves you, you know. And what Sam said wasn't right. Cas is probably pissed at him, actually. He got mad at me when we tied you to the bed." Dean pointed out. Maddie flushed and averted her eyes, and he wondered what that was about. She laid her head back on his chest and sighed. "We have to go back don't we?"

"Eventually. But we can sit here a while if you want."  
"I swear it's like Weird Science. Freakin' awesome."  
"What's like Weird Science?"

She answered hesitantly. "You. It's like you were built in a computer or something." (Perfect.) She traced it lightly against his abdomen. Oh. The word, and the meaning behind it had emotion rising up in his chest. He spoke softly, "You know, I've thought that too. Exactly that."  
"Really?" 

"Yeah. I guess that's kinda the thing about this soul mates thing. We're pretty much made for each other."  
She nodded against his chest instead of saying anything. "I guess we can go now. I don't know if I can deal with Sam right now though."

"It's alright. You won't have to." They separated and he stood, and then offered his hand to help her up. She accepted it and stood. Then she hissed air in between her teeth and held her right foot up off the ground. Crap. He'd forgotten about that. "Ouch." She winced.  
"Oh, crap. I forgot about that. Sit down. Let me see if there's glass in it. I saw the bottle you stepped on."  
She sat back down against the tree with his help, holding her foot up in the air. "Is it okay if I look?" She flushed but nodded.

He sat down cross-legged in front of her, and gently grasped her ankle in his hand. She gasped and closed her eyes. "Does that hurt?" He asked softly, not sure why he was speaking that way, but it felt right. "No." She whispered. Then why had she-? Oh. Maybe that was a question best not answered. He pulled her leg into his lap and gingerly pushed her foot up so he could look at the bottom of it. There was a large gash running the length of her heel, it had glass pieces digging into it, and she had a cut along the ball of her foot, but that one looked free of glass. He could try to get the glass out here, but it'd be easier if he had tweezers or something, so they needed to go home.

"You've got two cuts, one on the ball of your foot, and one on the heel. The one on your heel might need stitches, it looks deep. We can get Cas to heal it though. You shouldn't walk on it. It has a lot of glass in it. So... We can either call Cas to come fly us back to the bunker, or I can carry you back." She was blushing scarlet and staring at her hands in her lap. Dean wondered which she would pick. "J-j-j-j. Shit. J-just - Let's call Cas." She mumbled it, and if Dean had to guess, she stuttered and mumbled it because that wasn't what she wanted, but she was embarrassed about it. Dean made a decision then and stood. He bent down and grabbed Maddie under knees, and under one of her arms. "Dean! W-what are you doing?" 

"Reading between the lines."  
"Dean." She whispered. Her cheeks were scarlet and she wasn't looking him in the eye. Dean was starting to think he had been wrong. "Is this okay?"  
She bit her lip and looked up at him. "Yeah." she whispered. "It's okay."  
"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I just - It's complicated. Don't worry about it. This is fine. Thank you." If he could he would pull her lip out of her teeth. It bothered him when she did that, she looked vulnerable and cute, and dammit. Anyway... He began walking back the way they had come. She wasn't hard to carry, and she helped by throwing her arms around his shoulders. "Are you okay, Maddie?" She was strangely silent, and she wasn't really looking at him. "Not really. Just... all this. I don't know why Sam hates me so much, but the things he said... They just bothered me, I guess. And how we fought and all. I had planned on sparring with him to prove I could hunt, but not like that. I lost control." 

She closed her eyes and sighed deeply. "I didn't mean to. Just the way he started talking about Mom and everything. I saw red, literally. I could've killed him, Dean. I wanted to. And I only felt awful about that afterward. That's so horrible." She sighed and looked down at his chest, away from his eyes. 

"It's alright, Maddie. You were pissed. Hell, I was too. Am. You think I don't want to kill him sometimes? I mean actually kill him?" He smirked. "Anybody would have reacted that way." She didn't look like she believed him, but she nodded, and they continued on in silence. They were getting close to the bunker now. (Cas, I'm bringing Maddie in. She doesn't want to see Sam. Please help me out with that.) He hoped Cas would listen. Maddie wouldn't do well with seeing Sam right now, he didn't think. "We're almost to the bunker. Are you ready?"

"Yeah, I guess. I just want to go to my room or something, I don't care. I can't really deal with people right now."  
"Does that apply to me too?" He asked, half-jokingly, half serious.  
Maddie opened her eyes wide like she'd just had a realization. "No. Umm... Do you have anything to do? I mean, after?"  
"Actually I had planned on trying to sleep. I'm exhausted. I was hoping being home would help."

"I haven't slept for shit either. I slept two hours last night before I had another nightmare. And today has been a nightmare in itself." 

"Do you want to sleep with me? I think it'd help both of us." She looked surprised he'd been so blunt. They both had kind of avoided saying it out loud. He figured it didn't really matter anymore. They both knew it helped, and they both knew that was the reason they couldn't sleep. She nodded, and a pink blush stained her cheeks. The one that said she was being shy. It made him smile. They started walking around the bunker. When they reached the door Maddie reached out and opened it before he could suggest what he'd had in mind. They walked into the coolness, and Dean shut the door behind them. 

They saw neither Sam or Cas on the trip to Dean's room, and at this point, he really didn't have it in him to care. He was tired. Maddie didn't want to see anybody, so he was assuming he had to dig glass out of her foot, which was going to be painful for both of them. Dean had winced every time Maddie looked like she would be hit during the fight. It had hurt him to watch it. This was going to suck. She opened his bedroom door too, and he carefully sat her on the bed after he turned on the light. "I'm not made of glass, Dean. But thank you. I really shouldn't have let you carry me."

"It's okay. I don't mind. I missed it."  
"Missed what?"  
"Just being around you, I guess."  
"Me too." She admitted softly. But for once she was looking right at him when she said it. The moment was intense and filled to the brim with unspoken emotions both of them were feeling. Dean had fallen so hard. Damn. He turned and opened a drawer in his dresser, pulling out a first-aid kit. "Well, that's handy."

"I keep one in there. You never know when you might need one."  
"True. Well, I'm thankful for it now, even if this is going to suck. How do you want to do this?"

"Well, it'd probably be easier to see the glass if you're on your stomach lying on the bed. It'll reflect the light that way, and be easier for you too." She sighed like that's what she'd been fearing. "Alright..." She laid down on the bed and promptly rolled onto her stomach, shoving the pillow in her face, then lifted it right back out again. "Listen, this'll sound kind of weird, but if you don't like touch my ankle or something before you go to get the glass I'm going to jump every time, and that will suck. Just kind of let me know when you're going to do it okay? I really don't want to get stabbed with a pair of tweezers 'cause I'm being jumpy."

"Alright. That's fine." He kneeled down at the foot of the bed and started rooting through the box. He found the tweezers, then he found some antibiotic ointment, gauze, and scissors. Since Cas wouldn't be healing her yet, they were going to do this the old-fashioned way. He got everything and laid it out on the bed, before scooting himself closer. They really needed to clean the wound too. He grabbed a dirty shirt from the laundry basket and had Maddie lift her foot so he could put it under her foot so they didn't get the bed wet. He grabbed the bottle of peroxide and the cotton balls from the first aid kit and opened them both. "Alright, I'm going to pour peroxide over these, okay?" 

"Okay." Came the muffled response from the pillow. He started pouring and she did give the barest flinch as the liquid hit her foot, but she controlled it quickly. He cleaned the wounds methodically and carefully, trying not to press too hard, lest he stab her with the glass still in the cut. "Alright, here comes the fun part."  
"Greatttt." She replied sarcastically and he smirked. He gently laid his left hand across her ankle and carefully began digging the biggest pieces of glass out, dropping them onto the T-shirt. The little ones were harder. One he had with the tweezers when it slipped out of them, and he guessed it stabbed her or something because she whimpered. He winced. "Sorry."

"It's alright. Thank you for this, Dean." He rubbed his finger over her ankle bone like he had been to indicate to her he was about to start with the tweezers again as he answered her. "You're welcome."

He pulled the last piece of glass he could see out of the wound and cleaned it again. Then he put antibiotic ointment on them both and started wrapping gauze around them. It was done then and he cleaned up the mess and put his first aid kit back in the drawer. Without even thinking about it, he started pulling off his jeans to put on some sweatpants. Sleeping in jeans was extremely uncomfortable. He was pulling his sweatpants up over his boxers when he realized he had just done that in the same room as Maddie. He turned around to the bed, and she was still lying on her stomach, face shoved in the pillow. He wondered if she knew. "You done, Dean? I want to turn over, but I'd say you probably don't want me to get an eyeful."

He sputtered and she laughed but she still didn't move. "Yeah, I'm done. Sorry. I didn't think about you even being in here." She rolled over and put a hand to her chest with a mock hurt expression on her face. "Ouch." 

"Not like that." He threw his T-shirt at her. She laughed, and much to his surprise threw it back at him. He hadn't been expecting it, and it hit him right in the face. He stuck his tongue out at her and threw his shirt in the laundry basket. He was in a tank top now, and he was really freaking tired. "You ready for sleep?"

"I was born ready." She replied, and he nodded and turned off the lights. When he reached the bottom of his bed he just fell like a tree into it. Maddie giggled. "You're such a dope. Come up here, I want cuddles." He sighed like it was the most tiring thing he'd ever down and pushed himself up to where he was resting on the pillows. "There you go, now the blankets need to come out from under your big butt."

"You're bossy, you know that?" He grumbled, but he couldn't hide the smile on his face. He could hear the smile in her voice when she replied, "I may have been told that a time or two. I prefer to look at it like I take the initiative and I'm good at directing." With a series of weird half-jumps and shuffles, he managed to get the blanket out from under him, and around them both.  
"Bossy's bossy, whichever way you look at it."

"Oh, shush." He opened his arms and Maddie slid gratefully into them. To him, it felt like coming home. He had missed this. "Ahh... warmth." Maddie sighed as she hugged around his middle. "Is that all I am to you? A heater?" He teased. She huffed a laugh against his chest. She sounded completely serious when she answered though. "What? Of course not. You also double as my personal pillow." He grabbed the pillow from the other side of the bed and whacked her with it before throwing it back across the bed, and they both laughed. "You really do make an excellent pillow, Dean." She yawned. "Yeah? You too."  
"Hey. I meant to ask you about that."  
"What?"

"When you sleep, it's kind of funny and cute, but you follow my hair." She started laughing. "You nuzzle your face in it and when I move you just come with me. Why do you do that?" Dean hadn't known he really did that. "Maybe I just like the smell of strawberries." He laid his face in her hair and inhaled deeply. The sweet scent of the berries filled his senses, and he was content. "You're right. I do smell delicious." He chuckled. "You're weird, y'know that?" Dean huffed a laugh. "Oh, yeah. I definitely already knew." Maddie laid her head into the crook of his neck and hugged him. "Good." He hugged her back just as tightly. They slept for twelve hours straight in each other's arms.

 

~Castiel~

 

Castiel went to Sam as soon as Maddie had run out of the room. He beckoned for Dean to follow her, he would take care of Sam. Though he wasn't entirely sure he should. The things he had said to Maddie were absolutely terrible, and Castiel was angry with him. Sam was lying on the floor, and his face was covered in blood when Castiel knelt by him. He was unconscious. As much as he disliked them fighting, he understood why they had, and he was very proud of Maddie. She had been amazing. While he saw her body, and saw how she executed the moves he had taught her perfectly, it was her soul he was in awe of. It had sang with the battle aura, blazing bright red during the fight. It was the sign of a true warrior. Maddie had been meant for this, he was sure. Hunting, being here with the Winchesters. Her soul had sang. She had beaten his friend, but his friend was being an absolute asshole, so it was understandable. 

When Sam woke up, he was going to hear some harsh words from Castiel. He laid a hand on Sam's arm and judged his injuries. A hairline fracture in his jawbone, a broken nose, some bruising to his ribs. Castiel decided to heal him, he couldn't just let him lie there hurting, though he was tempted to. Sam's guilt would be enough penance, he thought. Sam would feel very badly about what he had said to Maddie, he was sure. That was Sam. Castiel used his Grace and healed Sam's injuries, as well as obliterated his drunken state so he was sober. As Sam started to stir, Castiel grabbed him by the shoulders and flapped his wings once in the sub-space where they were hidden and took them to Sam's room. The training room floor was not a good place for a conversation. He laid Sam on the bed and waited patiently for him to wake fully. He knew when he did, not because he opened his eyes, but because Cas felt the wave of guilt surge through Sam. Yes, indeed. He was very sorry for what happened. 

"Cas?" Sam said gruffly.  
(Cas, I found Maddie. She's fine, but she needs some time. I don't think she can deal with Sam and the bunker right now. I'll stay out here with her.) Oh, good. Dean had found her and she was safe. A wave of unexpected relief washed through Castiel. He could understand her not wanting to be here right now, he imagined she felt just as badly as Sam did, though she didn't actually have a reason. Sam did. Speaking of which...

 

~Sam~

 

Sam felt like shit. He couldn't believe he had fucking punched her. A kid. Not only a kid, a girl. And his brother's soul mate. That was like the worst of the worst. Unless they were supernatural, he never hit women, it had been ingrained in him from a very young age. You never hit a girl. And he had. And he'd enjoyed the hell out of it at the time. He didn't even know really why he had been so angry with her. God, the things he had said to her. What the fuck was wrong with him? Seriously, he was horrible. Jesus Christ... He rubbed his hands over his face without opening his eyes. At least his nose didn't hurt now. But he almost wished Cas hadn't fixed it. He deserved the pain. What he had said about her parents crossed all kinds of lines. You didn't mess with family, and that's what he had done. Goaded her until she snapped at him. What exactly had he been trying to prove? That she was bad for Dean or something? That obviously wasn't the case. Sam just had issues. He hadn't really believed the things he had said. He knew she hadn't actually done anything to Dean, but it sure as hell seemed like it. 

His brother was weird now, and he didn't like it. God, of all the stupid things to have done, he had gone and fucked with Maddie, everyone's new best friend. He was going to be lucky if Cas didn't smite him. Speaking of Cas, he was probably in here if Sam bothered to check. He realized he was on his bed, which was more than he deserved, but he figured Cas had brought him up here. "Cas?"  
"Why did you say those things to Maddie, Sam?"  
Shit, he did not want to talk about it. But he needed to explain to Cas, or this was going to be 500 times worse than it already was. "Can you come here, Cas?"  
"Answer my question, Sam."

"I am. Go through my head. You'll understand it better than I could explain." Cas didn't say anything but he felt movement in the room, then Cas's hand was on his forehead. "Show me." His voice was tight. Sam did. He pushed everything at him. Showing him how Dean had been when he found him and Maddie at the kitchen table that first morning. Dean had looked so open and happy, Sam hadn't seen him like that, pretty much ever. He had been jealous of Maddie he realized. He showed Cas how when they had been on the hunt, Dean had kept glancing sidelong glances at his phone, picking it up every two minutes to check for messages. Dean hadn't been able to sleep at all when they were out. If Cas hadn't come and put him out, he would have been useless. He'd have been about as capable as a baby bird at taking down a nest of vampires. 

Sam had woken up on more than one occasion with Dean muttering Maddie's name into his pillow as he attempted to sleep. And he had been mad. A stranger had came into their lives and messed with his big brother's head. Dean hadn't been able to sleep, for God's sake! How in the holy crap was that normal? Of course, it wasn't. Something had been going on and no one would tell him what it was. Not even Cas. And Dean was the reason why. 

He had been sure it was Maddie, but no, it had been Dean. Dean hadn't wanted him to know about them being soul mates, He had literally hit Dean's soulmate in the face. God, he was such an evil dick, and why had Cas even healed him? Little moments started going through his mind. He was showing Cas how Dean watched Maddie. His brother lighting up like a Christmas tree every time he saw her. Sam hadn't liked that one bit. He hadn't liked it at all, and now he felt like the most godforsaken thing on the planet for it. He played the memory of Maddie above him, pinning him down and how when she called Sam a bastard he had been scared. 

He had realized just how far he had gone, and that he had been so wrong. Dean was fucking pissed at him, he was sure. He was pissed at himself. When Dean had finally told him that Maddie and he were soul mates, Sam had thought he had been out of his gourd. So of course, he had yelled. Fuck. He felt Cas recede from his mind, and the hand left his forehead. He was the bad guy here. He had punched a teenager in the face. Holy shit. Not only a kid, but his brother's freaking soul mate. How much worse could he get?

 

~Castiel~

 

"I really have nothing to say to you right now, Sam. You attacked one of my friends, someone I love, and your brother's soul mate out of jealousy. You owe both of them an apology, as well as an explanation. I will leave you to think about it." With a flutter of wings, Castiel flew out of the room. 

(Cas, I'm bringing Maddie in. She doesn't want to see Sam. Please help me out with that.) Dean prayed to him. That was easy. Sam wouldn't be leaving his room anytime soon, Castiel knew. Castiel wanted to go to Dean and be with Maddie. He wanted to make sure she was okay, and he missed Dean, but he remembered their agreement, and he gave them time alone. Dean had promised he would try with Maddie, and he was, which made Castiel happy. He sensed when they came into Dean's bedroom, and when they finally fell asleep. He let them sleep for as long as they needed. He didn't see Sam the entire twelve hours.


	14. Painting the Past with Stories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Maddie are absolute fools during this. They're goofy, but they deserve the fluff, so yeah.

~Dean~  
~September 17th~

 

When he woke up his first thought was that something smelled good, and the second was that he had to pee. Examining the first thought first he realized something was laying across his face. He couldn't help the laughter that escaped him when he realized Maddie's arm was laying on his face. She stirred and raised her head from his shoulder where she'd had her face buried in it. She started giggling when she felt him huff hot breath onto her arm. She drew her arm back and started laughing outright as she looked at his face. "You have indentations from my bracelets on your face." 

She was laughing so hard her body was shaking against him, and he couldn't help but laugh too. Wow, they were dorks. "Good morning," Dean said with a grin. He hadn't been this happy in the morning since like... when he had woke up next to Cas. That had been a fun morning. "Ditto. But I kinda doubt it's morning. Jesus Christ, I have to get up." She groaned. "My bladder is screaming at me." She said. Then she mumbled as she sat, "The little bitch." He started laughing so hard tears came to his eyes. Apparently they were both feeling goofy this morning, which was fine by him. "Oh shut up, you." She said with a grouchy smile on her face as she looked back at him. 

When she stood she hissed and had to throw her hand against the wall to catch herself. She was holding her right foot in the air. "Fuck. I forgot about that. Oww." She said. She started trying to limp to the door, but he rolled out of bed. "Stop, Maddie. You don't need to be walking on those. You're going to bust them back open." Without any hesitation, at all, he swiped his arms around her and started carrying her like he had yesterday. "You know, normal people would let me throw an arm around their shoulders and hobble with dignity." He threw her a big grin, "What would be the fun in that? Besides, I like this." She made a grimace at him, but he could see she was trying not to laugh. She wrapped her arms around his neck after she opened the door. "You have weird addictions, Dean." She said, and he started laughing. "This is pretty mild. It could be a lot worse, you know." 

"Fair point." She laughed. They got to the bathroom and she said, "Sit me down, oaf. The princess will hobble into the bathroom on her own while she still has a shred of dignity." He sat her down, laughing, and started laughing harder when she stuck her right foot in the air and started hopping into the bathroom. "No dignity, Dean! No dignity!" She exclaimed as she closed the door. He was still laughing when she came back out. "You're hilarious. Just so you know." She made a sour face at him and stuck out her tongue. "Alright, just lean against the wall there, and stand like a flamingo or something. I'll be back in a minute to escort you to wherever you wish to go, Princess."

She schooled her face into a scolding expression. "Is that any way to speak to the princess? Go about your business, knave. I will stand how I like." They both laughed and Dean went to the bathroom. He washed his hands but when he came out Maddie was gone. Of course, she was. Stubborn. Taking a guess he started heading back towards the bedroom, and he found her halfway there, holding the wall and hopping on her left leg like a goof. She was hilarious to watch, and Dean couldn't help but smile as he saw her antics. He snuck up behind her and swooped her into his arms and she squealed. "Dean! You scared me." She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck like she was afraid he was going to drop her. "I snuck up on you? My, how the turns have tabled."  
She laughed and teased him, "You're such a dork, you know that?"   
"Oh yeah."

"I love it!" She said, channeling Janey Glenn from Girls Just Want to Have Fun. "Don't worry, I'm a total dweeb too. Though I'm not sure I fit into that category entirely because I have, in fact, not ever watched Star Trek, or Star Wars. I'm pretty sure that's pretty much a requirement."

"Oh my God. How have you not seen Star Wars? Are you even human? You're right. You can't be a dweeb if you haven't seen Star Wars. That drops your level. You are considered a dork at best." She opened his door and they walked back into the bedroom where he threw her gently on the bed. She giggled and bounced. "Dean!" She squealed when he did it. She turned on her stomach and spread out like a starfish then, her limbs stretched to the max, and she was touching both sides of the bed with her arms. "Ahh, I love this bed." She sighed. "Move your butt, I wanna lay down." In response, she literally wiggled her ass but didn't move any other part of her body. "Smart ass." He said laughingly. "Always." She said, laughing. "I will tickle you." He said warningly and she immediately flopped onto her side, leaving him three-quarters of the bed. He laughed as he laid back down. "Well, that was effective. Duly noted."

She turned on her back and stared at the ceiling. He felt like she was about to ask a question, so he waited. He was right. "So, whatta you wanna do now?" She said, her syllables running altogether. "I don't know. I don't even feel like food right now, surprisingly. But I'm not exactly tired. We could just lay here till we think of something. I think your lazy teenager habits are rubbing off on me."

"You're hilarious. I haven't been allowed to be a lazy teenager. I've been up at five A.M. almost every day for over a year." She laughed. "If it's anyone's lazy habits it's yours. Hell, maybe it's ours. It's not like we've been sleeping the last few days. I literally don't even care." She sighed laughingly. "Ooh. Light bulb. You said before that you had questions, right? We could do that."

"Okay." He turned over onto his back too, and he felt her left hand sliding under his right. He entwined his fingers with hers, and they laid there holding hands as he thought of a question. It was hard to do, most of his brain was focused on how right this felt, and wondering if that was normal. "Where are you from?"

"You're going to laugh."  
"Why would I laugh?"  
"Cuz I'ma born n' bred redneck. I'm fr'm east Tennessee." He tried to suppress his laughter but it didn't work. She had said it with the most ridiculous southern accent he'd ever heard. "Wow. That was horrible." He laughed. "No. What's horrible is I know people that talk like that. My sister being on that list. She's spent too much time there and now she's caught the accent." Maddie sounded horrified. "Why don't you have the accent?"

"Kids develop accents between the ages of like 4 and 6, I think it is. I was born in Tennessee, but we moved a lot when I was a kid. When I was developing my accent we were out in Colorado and New Mexico, so I pretty much speak like I'm from there. Thank God." She chuckled weakly. 

"Where else have you lived?"

"It depends on how you define living. I'll explain that in a second. We bounced back and forth between Tennessee and Florida like three or four times. North Carolina too. The last time we left Florida we barely avoided a hurricane. It was close. It was me, Bj, Boo, Mom, Dad, my uncle Mike, and my aunt Sandy. We all left Florida together and started working our way across the country to New Mexico. It took us almost three months. My father is a jack of all trades, more or less, but he's a carpenter through and through. My uncle Mike and him would pick up odd jobs whenever we'd run out of money, and we'd lay low in whatever town in a field or something with our tents pitched if the weather was good, if not we slept in the cars. So technically I've lived in about every state between Florida and New Mexico. We passed through Georgia, Arkansas, Texas, and yada yada. I've lived in a lot of places. I've been to thirteen different schools. We never stayed anywhere long. Dad would always get in trouble or something, and we'd be running from the cops. Sometimes we had a few hours to pack, sometimes we had no warning at all. We've been thrown in the car so many times with a 'We gotta go,' that I can't even count the number."

"Wow. That sounds like my childhood. Except it was motels instead of fields"  
"Yeah, we're weirdly similar. I didn't realize how much until I actually got here."  
"You were just a kid, do you remember anything about the places you've lived?"  
"Oh yeah. Bits and pieces. I probably have more memories of that time than I do after Dad left actually. Do you want to hear about them?"  
"Sure."

"When I was a toddler, about two, I think, we were still living in Tennessee. We had this purebred German Shepherd, he had papers and everything. Weirdly enough, and I just realized this, his name was Sam. It was short for Sampson, but whatever. Anyway, Sam was super protective of me, Mom, and Bj. So much so that he wouldn't let people out of their cars if Dad wasn't home and we there by ourselves. We didn't get an electric bill for three months once because the guy couldn't get out of his truck to read the meter. But the part I actually remember is how he was with me. Like I said, I was only two, and my Mom wasn't pregnant with my sister quite yet, so she pretty much always had me on her hip. When she'd go outside to hang laundry on the line, she'd bring me with her and sit me in the grass. She'd tell Sam to watch over me. He took the job very seriously. When I'd start to wander away from the area I was supposed to be in, Sam would come and grab me by my diaper and my pants, and he'd carry me in his mouth like a puppy back to my mom. He was endlessly patient with me, and I remember that. He always let me play with his fur, and he didn't care if I sat on him or whatever. I freaking loved that dog." She sighed. 

"That sounds awesome."

"My mom thought so. That was actually the place I had my first taste of liquor. Oh yeah." Dean was shocked. "How old were you?"

"I wasn't even two yet. My parents weren't exactly responsible when it came to drinking, I've been tasting alcohol with my dad since I was that age. I was drinking White Russians, full cups mind you, with them by the time I was five. They didn't care. Anyway, my dad, being the idiot he was, left a bottle of 151 rum on the coffee table and walked away, leaving me in the living room by myself." Dean winced. Jesus. That stuff was harsh. He'd only ever tried it once, and he had nearly thrown up all over himself. "I'm a toddler, so I go grab it of course. I picked it up and started chugging it. Dad walked back in then and he started laughing. I had tears streaming down my face. Even at not quite two years old yet, I remember how much it burned, god it burned. But you know what I did? I liked to listen to my dad laugh, he didn't a lot, so I turned the bottle back up and took another drink. He thought it was hilarious. He didn't even try to take it from me. My mom came in and grabbed it from me then, thankfully."

"Jesus... Your dad sounds shitty, I'll be honest."

"Yeah. He is." She said, her voice emotionless. "That he is... When we moved to Florida I almost fell in the swamp, but my uncle Mike saved me."

"What happened?" He looked over at her, interested. "I was sitting on a bucket, and it was on a sort of hill thing. If I didn't keep my feet on the ground it would tip forward. I was sitting right by the water, literally, and I was playing that game. I'd pick my feet up and start to fall forward and I'd throw them back down just in time to save myself from going too far. Uncle Mike was trying to fish or something, I'm not even sure. It was an accident, but I picked up my feet and started falling towards the water. I wanted to slam my feet back down, but I froze. I saw eyes looking at me from the murky water. Just these big yellow eyes staring at me from under the water. My little brain was terrified that I was about to fall onto an alligator, and my feet wouldn't move. 

"He grabbed me around the middle when I was not even an inch from the water, I'm serious. I mostly remember the smell. That fucking horrible fishy decaying smell. I hate it, even now. I don't eat any kind of seafood mostly for that reason. I can't stand the smell. I remember bonfires at night, sitting outside well after midnight because we didn't want to go in the little cabin thing we supposed to be sleeping in. It was infested with cockroaches. God, absolutely disgusting. I'm serious, you could turn off the lights, count to thirty, and switch them back on and there was a literal sea of cockroaches across the floors and the counters. 

"They'd scatter when you turned the light on, and you could hear them moving because there were so many of them. I remember my first night trying to sleep in there I was fucking terrified they were going to get inside me somehow. I spent the whole night inside my sleeping bag pinning the top of it shut so they couldn't get in." She shivered in horror, and he did too. That was awful. "Not all of them are bad though. My aunt Sandy got me an eazy bake oven down there and I remember playing with it all the time. That was pretty awesome. And lightning bugs. I used to lay on the grass and watch them float around above me, it was like watching stars float by, blinking on and off. The moon always seemed huge down there. And the trees. I remember the trees very clearly because I was fascinated by them. They all had this weird moss stuff hanging off of them. I think it's beautiful, even now. Moonlight shining through those trees." Her voice trailed off, probably reliving that happy memory. "Let's see, all I remember about Georgia is this itty bitty gas station with oil stains on the pavement outside of it, and boiled peanuts. Apparently, we were there for a few weeks, but all I remember is eating boiled peanuts and that little gas station. I can't eat boiled peanuts now, they're disgusting." She laughed. "Honestly, most of my memories are snippets. Driving across the country, most of what I remember is being in the car.

"Before my dad left, I was a real daddy's girl. I worshipped the ground he walked on even though he treated us all like shit. I used to stay up at night when we'd be driving. I always sat in the middle in the back of the car. I'm not sure why, but that's where I got stuck and I hated it. My brother would fall asleep, and his head would loll on my right shoulder, and he drooled, and my sister couldn't sleep unless she had her hand wrapped around my fingers. She was still in a car seat then, and we were always squished in the back seat. My mom and my siblings would be asleep, and Dad would be driving us. I'd stare out the windows and enjoy the silence. It was so rarely quiet. I'd stare out at the stars, and watch us pass by city after city. I always thought it was Christmas in those cities we passed because of all the lights. I thought they were Christmas lights, and I always loved watching them in the dark. I still do. I'd stay up with my dad as he drove. We wouldn't talk, it'd just be silent, but it was just us. I was seeing the things that only me and him were seeing, nobody else in my family was seeing it. That's honestly most of my childhood memories, is riding in the car. I miss it, actually."

"That sounds nice, actually. I understand why you'd miss it."

"Yeah. It was nice, sort of. When we first got to Colorado we had a really hilarious time. My dad had convinced my Aunt Sandy that jackelopes were real, and she was looking for one the whole drive in. When they told her they weren't a real animal she didn't believe them because she thought they were playing a joke on her. It was hilarious. They had a little dog, Chihuahua I think, and he was kind of retarded. We were camping in this giant field, and it was absolutely full of prairie dog holes. It looked like a giant game of wack-a-mole. And they were evil. They ran that poor dog ragged. One would pop up in a hole right in front of him, and he'd go after it. It'd disappear and one would pop up twenty feet away in another hole. It was like a game to them, I swear to God they were laughing at us." She chuckled and Dean smiled. She got lost in the stories she was telling and it really was interesting to watch. He liked trying to imagine her memories from her point of view, and he liked listening to her. It was pleasant. 

"What's your best memory of Colorado?" Dean asked curiously. He wondered what she would tell him. She thought about it for only a moment before answering. "The very first night we were there we all slept in this giant grass field. The grass was thick and long and heavy with dew. It was a cow pasture, so it smelled like them, but it wasn't unpleasant. We had all been trapped in the cars for weeks, and we were sick of it. Tempers were high, and everyone was irritable and snapping at each other. When we found that field my dad called it quits and we all set up outside. We had tents, but we didn't even use them. We didn't even use pillows and blankets. We all laid out side by side on the wet grass and looked up at ten million stars. Everyone was silent for the first time in forever, and the night just kind of surrounded us. The sky was so clear, it wasn't even black, it was a dark black-blue, like velvet. Staring into it was like you were looking into forever and it was looking right back at you. I fell asleep listening to the crickets sing, and smelling that thick heavy grass, staring at the stars. They were so bright, and we could point out every single constellation we knew. That's probably one of the happiest memories I have ever."

"Wow." Dean could see it. He could see everyone, weary from fatigue and annoyance, laying in the grass together and just resting. Staring up at the stars and it feeling like they were looking into heaven. Maddie had a way of painting pictures in his head, it was really beautiful. He could listen to her talk like that forever. "I really like that story." He told her. She smiled softly. "Me too."She turned over on her side and looked at him with an expression he couldn't identify.

"Dean?"  
"Yeah?"

Dean turned over on his side without releasing her hand and looked at her. She looked beautiful, her hair was curling around her face in little waves, and trailed all over the pillow. She was biting her lip. He took his left hand and gently pulled her lip out from between her teeth. Maddie gave him a questioning look. "Why do you do that?" Dean couldn't lie to her. "It makes you look so vulnerable. It kills me. You just look so... innocent." She gave a tiny smile, one that was more sadness than anything else. "Not innocent. Definitely not innocent." Dean was very curious, as well as worried, about what that meant. "Did you want to ask me something?"  
"Yeah... but it can wait." He about to protest but she distracted him, "Are you hungry?"  
"Possibly. Are you making pancakes?" He asked excitedly.  
"You're such a puppy," she laughed, "I hadn't planned on it, but I can if you want."  
"Please?"  
"You're doing puppy dog eyes aren't you?"  
"Yep."  
"I can't look. I will melt under such pouty cuteness." They laughed. "Alright. Food time. But let's find Cas first. He should heal your foot. And your cheek. Are you ready for this?" She sighed. "I suppose I'm as ready as I'll ever be. Nothing's going to be solved by lying around. Let's go, I guess."

 

~Maddie~

 

God, this was going to suck. They hadn't been able to find Cas so she had limped through the bunker holding onto Dean. She had refused to let him carry her again. She wasn't a kid, even if it did feel nice. She had put her hair up in a bun clip, and it was already falling out, dammit. She couldn't do anything with the stuff, it had a mind of its own. Dean was pretty much supporting her as she limped into the kitchen, trying to keep as much weight as possible off her foot. It hurt like hell, but she really just didn't want to bust the cuts open again. Her stomach sank when she saw Sam leaning against the counter in front of the sink. He looked contrite. Very. Hmm. She wondered how this was going to go then. 

They all kind of stared at each other for a minute. Sam spoke first though, "I'm so-" Dean was across the kitchen in less than a second. His sudden absence had her wobbling trying to gain her balance without putting her foot on the floor. Dean plowed his right fist straight into Sam's jaw. Right where Sam had punched her, she realized and wondered if Dean had done that on purpose. Dean didn't even say anything to him, he just walked back over to Maddie. 

Sam was silent as he put a hand to his face and winced. "Alright, I deserved that, and more, I know. Look, guys, I'm sorry about yesterday. I'm not even really sure why I was so pissed, but I definitely shouldn't have done that. I know you guys are-" He cleared his throat awkwardly and gestured to the space between them, "Are a pair. I just - I don't have a problem with that. You should be happy, Dean. And Maddie, as far as it goes, I haven't seen him as happy as he is with you in years. It takes somebody special to do that. I'm really sorry I said all those things yesterday to you. Especially about your mom and everything. That was fucking awful, and I should never have said it. I hope you guys will let me make it up to?"

Seeing their faces he said, "You guys deserve an explanation. I just... I don't know. I was worried about Dean and jealous, and then I started drinking, and I was mad you guys wouldn't tell me what was going on. It just kind of escalated. I'm sorry."   
"Dude, you hit a girl. Not only a girl, a kid." Maddie made an indignant noise but he ignored that. "And not only that but my freaking soul mate, Sam. And somebody that Cas trusts. That I trust." Sam's eyebrows shot up, and so did Maddie's. "Cas brought her here, and she stays here. I don't know what your fucking problem is, but you need to shove it. Maddie's staying. And if I ever hear you talk that way to her again, we're having it out, Sam. I'm serious." Dean looked deadly and protective, and pissed. 

"You're not going to forgive me, are you Dean? I really am sorry. I'll do whatever I can to make it up to you, I promise. Please? Give me a chance? I'm sorry."   
"It takes more than an apology, Sam. Prove it, then we'll talk. Yesterday was bullshit, and she's still wearing the bruise, so you and your apology can go to Hell."

"Do you want me to leave?" Sam's voice was quiet, and he looked like a kicked puppy. Maddie spoke before Dean could. "No." Dean shot her a look, but she ignored it. "This is your home. I'm new here, I get that. You don't trust me. I get that too, you don't have a reason to yet. But Sam," She hobbled closer to him, holding onto the table and he looked up at her with sad eyes. "I'm sorry too." Dean made an angry sound behind her, but she just kept talking. "I lost control yesterday, and provoked or not, that's unacceptable. It was a long time coming, but I'm sorry it happened on you. I didn't want that. But look... I forgive you. But don't you ever, ever, say anything like that about my parents again, Sam. Don't do that, and we'll be fine. I'm not much of a grudge holder. So... Are we good?" 

Sam was looking at her with a mixture of surprise and shock. He nodded. "May I give you a hug, Sam? Prove it to you?" She asked, half-teasing. He nodded, and they hugged for a moment, before releasing each other. 

"Thank you, Maddie. I really am going to make it up to you, I promise." He said gruffly in her ear. He sounded so vulnerable and contrite, she couldn't stand it. "Okay, Sam. We'll work on it." Sam looked over at her with a hopeful look, but his face fell when he saw the bruise on her cheek. "Shit. I am sorry about that."

"It's alright Sam. I broke your nose, so I think we're even." She grinned at him. She felt like everything was alright now, more or less. "You pack a hell of a punch, I give you that. You fractured my jaw too." 

"Hot damn, I'm awesome." She said excitedly, and she saw Dean smiling at her fondly. It made her feel warm and fuzzy. "Sorry though." She was a bit more serious when she said it. Maddie felt bad about it, provoked or not. "Nah, I was being an asshole. I think I'm lucky Cas didn't smite me or something. Or get pounded by Dean."

"Oh, shut up, Sam. You never know what tomorrow might bring." And just like that all the tension and shitty feelings from yesterday were gone. "Who's ready for breakfast?" She asked cheerfully. "You realize it's like eight o'clock at night, right?"  
"Yeah. So? You don't have to eat the pancakes, you know. Or the sausage. It's fine by me."

"No, I'm not complaining. It's fine." Sam said quickly. "That's what I thought. Maddie went to go to the refrigerator, but Dean stopped her with a hand on her hip. She looked at him questioningly. "You stand by the stove. I'll hand you stuff, just tell me what you need. You don't need to be walking on that." He pointed down at her foot. Fair enough. He had a point. It was hurting like a bitch anyway. A random thought occurred to her. "Hey, where's Cas?" 

Sam said, "He got a jingle from upstairs and had to take off a little bit ago." I hope he's okay, she thought, as Dean handed her the eggs from the fridge. It was a strangely domestic moment, but it was nice. She liked it.


	15. Cotton Candy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ENTER GABRIEL!! Guys, there is a shiz ton of stuff going on in this chapter. Like... Shiz ton. Important decisions, and discoveries. A little bit of angst I guess on Cas's part, nothing major, and TELL ME IF YOU LIKE IT OR NOT. Please? :D

  
~Castiel~

Castiel was in the kitchen with Sam waiting on Dean and Maddie to wake up when it happened. Time had came to a halt. Sam was frozen with a cup halfway to his lips. It was the work of a very strong angel. An archangel. Castiel stood when he felt the approach of the angel, he could sense it, and his wings spread defensively in the etheric plane. It wasn't something he could control sometimes. Just as the waiting was starting to wear on his nerves, the angel appeared with a flash of purple smoke which was entirely unnecessary and made no sense. Castiel smiled though when he saw who it was waiting on the other side of the smoke. It was a man with longish brown hair and light brown eyes. A rather short man in a green jacket. "Ahh, always a flair for the dramatic. It's good to see you're alive, Gabriel."

Gabriel flashed him a broad grin and spread his arms. "Cassie! Nice to finally get a warm welcome." Castiel didn't mention the fact that Gabriel was supposed to be dead, Castiel had been killed many times, and yet here he stood. "Since you froze time for this, am I to assume it's an important issue then? To what do I owe the pleasure of your company, Gabriel?"

"What, no small talk? You've always been so serious, Cassie, you need to loosen up. I know a great massage thera-"  
  
"Gabriel."  
  
"Alright, alright, straight to the point then." Gabriel looked at him, and his smile dropped from his face for the first time. It wasn't entirely gone, but it was smaller. "Cassie, Dad sent me." If Castiel had hackles, they would be raised. His Father had sent Gabriel to him? Why? The Apocalypse hadn't aroused His interest but Castiel did? Had he done something displeasing to the Host? Oh. Could this have something to do with the recent change in his and Dean's relationship? That's all it could be. Castiel could think of nothing else. Gabriel was Father's messenger, what message did he have for Castiel?

"Why are you here?" Castiel was afraid. What if he got taken from Dean, or-  
  
"Chill dude, I can feel you psyching yourself out over there. Listen, the message I've got for you is not necessarily a bad thing, Cassie."  
  
"Please, Gabriel, the message." Castiel pleaded, but firmly. He had no time for games.  
  
"Alright, alright, sheesh. Soldiers." He shook his head at Castiel. "Dad only had one word for me to deliver to you, as interesting as that is."  
  
"What is it?" Castiel asked, his annoyance showing.  
  
"Choose," Gabriel said seriously. Choose? Chose what? What was God referring to?  
  
"Choose?"

"He's giving you the option to either remain an angel for however long eternity is, or you can be human, and be with your lover boy." Castiel was shocked. Beyond shocked, terrified. He was supposed to choose between them? Now? He didn't know what to do. Drastic decisions scared him now. He had made so many mistakes, had so many failures, Castiel had no desire to repeat them. "I- I don't-"

Gabriel dropped all attempts at humor now, and he spoke seriously to Castiel. "Look, Dad doesn't give this opportunity out to any angel, you know that. He heard you. He does pay attention, you know. You're worried about the future for you and Dean. Dad's giving you an out. You can become human, without falling, mind you, you would have a heaven when you die. You can live with Dean, and die with him if that's what you want. Or you can stay an angel, and mourn him for the rest of eternity."

"You sound like you wish for me to become human."  
  
"I do. You and Dean should be happy. A blind man could see you two have been falling all over each other for years. You rebelled for him, Cassie. That's not anything to scoff at. You have a choice here. I'm just hoping you'll make the right one."  
  
"Do I have to choose right now? Can I think about this?"

Gabriel became bouncy again, that was really the only way to describe it, and his mouth quirked up at the corners. "Yeah. You've got three days."  
  
"Why three?"  
  
"Because I'm too impatient to know what you're going to pick. But Cassie, listen, you need to think about this. This chance only comes around once in a lifetime, and for us, a lifetime is a really, really long time."

Castiel didn't say anything, he didn't know what to say. This was too much. "If it means anything at all, I really think you should go the human route, Cas. I think you'll regret it if you don't." Gabriel said seriously. Castiel was surprised at the amount of affection in his voice. "Thank you, Gabriel. For delivering the message, and - and your opinion. I - I have to think about this."

Gabriel held up his hands in a surrender gesture. "Alright, I know the brush-off when I hear it. But, Cassie? Don't be stupid. Be happy." And with a flutter of wings, Gabriel was gone, and time had started again. Sam looked up at him with an odd expression on his face. "Why do I smell cotton candy?"

"I don't know, Sam. I am sorry, but I have received a call to Heaven. I will be back as soon as possible." Castiel assured him. "Okay, Cas. Just, uh, if you feel Dean being murderous or something, maybe you could come back before he actually kills me." Castiel gave a small smile. "I will not let him kill you, Sam." With a powerful wing beat, he was gone from the bunker and flying through the air.

Castiel landed in one of his favorite places on earth. It was where he came to think, meditate, or just to be. It was on a little hill, on the outskirts of a tiny Ireland town. There was a tall tree standing here, its branches were knarled and twisted around each other, but they still stretched up, reaching for the sky. Looking down onto the valley below, he felt at peace. It was just a long field, which eventually met with cliffs, that surged up from the ocean. When the sun shone on it, the field was exactly the color of Dean's green eyes. He leaned his back against the tree and began to think. He thought for a long time.

Much longer than he intended. When he emerged from his meditative state, he realized he needed to get home desperately. He missed his people. Home. The word resonated within him, clanging back and forth, echoing in the empty spaces of his body where he was not pressed fully into it, it felt like. Home. His people. He knew what he wanted. But he was unsure whether they would want that too. He needed to talk to them and see. He was afraid and anxious. He hoped this turned out alright, that it wasn't another mistake. Castiel didn't think he could stand to make another mistake so grave as the ones he had already made.

When he arrived back at the bunker, it was to a very homey scene. Sam, Dean, and Maddie were piled up at the kitchen table, playing some sort of card game. They were laughing and talking, and they had not yet noticed his presence. Oh. He realized he was hiding himself in the etheric plane without thinking about it. He emerged, and Maddie jumped when she noticed the movement through her peripheral vision. When she saw it was Castiel she smiled brightly and exclaimed, "Cas! You're home! Wanna play Bullshit with us?" Maddie said he was home. This is what home felt like. Dean turned around and gave him a big grin.

He was glad to see that the conversation between them all had gone well. They had forgiven Sam, or mostly. He still felt anger and blame from Dean, but he wasn't being terrible to Sam about it. Dean smiled and beckoned him over, and he felt like he was experiencing all this for the first time. "I do not understand what bovine feces has to do with a card game. That does not sound very enjoyable." Castiel said seriously as he took a seat in the remaining chair, as luck would have it, Dean was to his right, and Maddie to his left. He knew it was probable that "Bullshit" was the name of the game they were playing, but he liked to maintain that he was innocent of things. It made everyone laugh. He was not good at jokes, but if everyone could have a brief moment of happiness from his supposed ignorance, that was okay with him. He enjoyed it.

They all laughed like he thought they would, and it made him feel warm. "Okay," Dean said, holding up a finger, "One, don't say the word 'feces' at the kitchen table. That's just nasty. And two, Bullshit is the name of the game we're playing. Do you want to play?"

"I would like that. How does one play Bullshit?" Castiel asked, and Maddie started giggling. "Sorry, it's just funny to hear you cuss." Sam began explaining the game to him. The game had a simple objective. Rid yourself of all your cards before the other players. This was generally achieved through successfully lying. Starting from the left of the dealer, and going clockwise, each person would lay down their cards on the agreed number. It worked in order. they would work their way from Ace's to Kings, each player moving up a number until someone ran out of cards.

Because of the way the cards were spread, and because the object of the game was to get rid of them quickly and efficiently, you laid down cards that did not agree to the number if you did not have them. If someone noticed you were lying, they called bullshit, and you had to pick up the entire deck of cards. It was really quite simple. Castiel thought he would be good at this game. Dean was always telling him he had a great poker face.

They dealt out the cards again and began to play. Sam dealt, so Dean went first, then it was Castiel's turn. He laid down the single 2 that he had and called out what he had laid down. He decided it would be wiser to lie towards the end of the game. Stacking cards would be less noticeable if there was a pile. He decided that now was a good a time as any to talk about the choice he was supposed to make. He hoped no one was angry with him. "So, I have something rather important to discuss with you all." Castiel began. He really wasn't sure how he was going to say this. Maddie eyed him curiously. "What is it, Cas? Everything okay?" Maddie was concerned about him. Castiel felt warmed at the thought. "More than, actually. Though I am unsure how this information will be received." Castiel hedged.

Perhaps he should've waited longer. Nervousness was growing in his belly, and his desire to speak was dwindling by the moment. "Well, what is it, Cas? Enough with the beating-around-the-bush." Dean said. He was concerned too, Castiel felt that clearly. He wasn't trying to upset his humans. This was not working out as well as he hoped. Instead of answering entirely truthfully, he decided to judge their reactions first. "How would you all feel if I were human?" Dean was alarmed. "Cas, are you falling or something? What's going on?" Castiel quickly assured him. "No, Dean. I am not falling. Please, I will explain in a few moments, but will you please tell me what you all think about the proposition? It's important to me." Castiel said pleadingly. Dean's eyes softened and he didn't look as alarmed now, just a little worried.

"Cas, that's kind of a broad question. How would we feel about what if you were human?" Sam asked politely. "About everything. Hunting, my status as a friend, and brother in arms, as well as a boyfriend." Cas glanced at Dean, who blushed and looked at the table. "How would you feel about Cas, if I were not an angel?"

He was not fond of speaking in the third person, but it got his point across efficiently. Surprisingly, Dean was the one who spoke first. "Well, if you were human, hunting would be different. We couldn't rely on you to get us out of a jam, so we'd have to be more careful. And none of could be healed, so again, more careful. You could also be hurt, which means you'd have to stop taking so many risks. You'd have to think about yourself, and the danger you'd be in. As a friend, nothing would change probably. If you were human, you'd probably just enjoy watching movies with us more, and of course, food is way more awesome." Dean began to pray to him. (Cas, I don't care if you're human or an angel, you ought to know that. We'd all still love you the same. You're Cas. Cursed or not, remember?)

Castiel remembered exactly what Dean was referring to, and what he was saying. Sweet relief and great love for Dean crashed its way through his system. "Cas, I think Dean's right. Not a whole lot would change. We'd just have to be more careful when it comes to hunting like he said. As a friend and a brother in arms, nothing would change. Our friendship with you isn't hinged solely on the fact that you're an angel. It's hinged on you, Cas. You're our best friend. Species doesn't change that." Sam said, and Castiel's heart swelled with love and pride for his friend. He was sweet, usually, and he didn't hide it like Dean did.

He realized that Maddie hadn't spoken yet. She had her hands clasped under her chin and her eyes were far away. "Maddie?" Castiel asked softly, unsure if he should disturb her. Her eyes cleared and she looked at him thoughtfully. "Not a thing would change for me, Cas. You'd still the same lovable dork you are now, just more free. Our friendship wouldn't be any different if you were human, really, just maybe throw in a little more fun every once in a while. You'd just be having to watch your back more if you were human. None of us would want to lose you." (I love you, Cas. No matter what you are, you'll always be just Cas to me.)

She said it seriously, and Castiel felt as if his heart was jackhammering its way out of his chest. They all loved him. Truly loved him, not the angel. Just plain old Castiel. The thought made him warm and happy, and slightly fuzzy feeling, as peculiar as that was. Castiel realized he was smiling widely at his friends, who all looked bewildered but were wearing small smiles of their own. "Thank you." He said sincerely. No gift had ever been more precious than the one he had just been given.

"What's all this about, Cas?" Dean asked, and Castiel felt Dean's hand squeeze his thigh reassuringly underneath the table. He looked at each of them in turn, then spoke softly. "Gabriel is alive." He knew it would be easier to explain if there were no interruptions, so he felt he should say this first to avoid that. "Gab- the trickster archangel asshole? About three feet tall?" Dean asked, incredulous. "Yes, though he is taller than three feet, I assure you."

"How do you know, Cas?" Sam asked. "He came to visit me this morning with a very important message from my Father."

"Cotton candy! That's why!" Sam said suddenly, puzzling everyone at the table except for Castiel. "Yes, Sam. For whatever reason, Gabriel likes to leave behind a scent of spun sugar. He is rather odd for an angel."

"What was the message from your Father, Cas?" Maddie asked.

"It was only one word. Choose." Dean and Sam were wearing twin looks of confusion, but understanding dawned on Maddie's face. "Oh. Does that mean what I think it means, Cas? Truly?" She asked excitedly. "That would depend upon what you were thinking, but if I had to hazard a guess I would say you are correct. Gabriel told me I have a choice. I can remain an angel for the rest of my eternity, or I can choose to become human and continue life as I have, just as an actual human. It would not be the same as falling. I would have a soul, and I would get a heaven when I die. I would live and grow old, potentially. I would be just as human as any of you are."

Then Maddie asked perhaps the most important question that had been uttered that night. "Is that what you want, Cas? Do you want to be human?"

Castiel paused, hesitant. He knew what he wanted. He had thought about it over and over and over, he wanted to live and die with Dean as Dean did. As a human. "Yes." He said simply. "I was hoping very much that none of you would object the idea."

"Cas, are you sure that's what you want? Like, really sure?" Dean asked pointedly.  
"Wouldn't you miss being an angel?" Asked Sam.

"Of course. Being an angel, minus a few brief interruptions has been my existence for millennia. I would no longer have wings, I would not be able to heal spontaneously. I would not hear the song of Heaven, or smite with my Grace, or conjure my blade with a thought. I would miss all of those things immensely. But if I don't do this, if I remain an angel, there are so many greater things I would miss. I would mourn you all for my entire existence. Eventually, you will all pass, and I would not. I would not be allowed to join you in Heaven. I would be alone. I have had enough of being alone. Gabriel advised me to be happy. I can only be happy with my family. And my family is sitting at this table with me. I do not wish for an existence without all of you in it."

"Well, that's answer enough for me." A happy voice chirped from behind him. "Gabriel, were you spying?" Castiel asked, not irritated at all. "Spying's a bit of a strong word. Checking in more like it."

"Not for a bag of dicks like you." Dean chimed in. After a few minutes of the usual cacophonous argument from the Winchesters, and Gabriel's snarky comebacks, Castiel grew tired of it. "That is enough. You're acting like children." Castiel growled and the room fell silent. Gabriel then seemed to notice the new face sitting at the kitchen table. "Well, what have we here? Cassie, where'd you find this one? She's different." Gabriel tilted his head curiously. "Hi, Gabriel," Maddie said, not fearful in the slightest, though she was addressing an archangel. Gabriel walked over and grasped her hand in a customary handshake, and looked at Castiel with a shocked expression, then back at Maddie. "My my, you are different aren't you? And you don't even realize." Gabriel seemed astounded. "What's your name?"

"I'm Madelynne. Different?"

In a rare showing of manners, Gabriel addressed the room. "May I speak to her alone, please? I promise, no funny business." He was truly serious, and Castiel immediately wondered why. The Winchesters, of course, protested - "Hell no!"- "Absolutely not!" - which went on for several minutes, but this time it was Maddie who put an end to it. "Will you guys quit? I'm not a shiny new toy in the sandbox for you toddlers to fight over. And I don't need your permission, any of you. I want to talk to him. It'll be fine. Trust me." She said firmly and stood. She swayed a little but caught her balance. "Library?" She asked Gabriel, who nodded. Maddie carefully began to limp towards the door. Castiel cursed himself. He should have healed her. He had forgotten. He was about to offer his assistance when Gabriel surprised them all by grabbing her elbow and slowly and carefully helping her out of the room, treating her like she was extremely fragile.

 

~Maddie~

 

Gabriel grasped her arm and helped her hop along, like a moron, to the library. She pushed herself up to where she was sitting on one of the tables, it seemed easier than a chair right now, Gabriel stood in front of her, assessing, more serious than she'd ever seen him on the show. "Different?" She asked timidly, and Gabriel's expression softened, weirdly enough. "Different. You have feelings, don't you? Impressions. You know when something's wrong, or something good happened. You can feel it, but you can't really explain how you know it."  
"Yes. I don't understand, though."  
"You're not from here are you?"

"No." Maddie was suddenly scared of the repercussions of that question. What if he sent her back? "Cas brought me over from another dimension. I - I uh, prayed to him."

"And he heard you?" Gabriel looked shocked.  
  
"Yeah. Is- Is that a bad thing?" Gabriel kind of shook himself and schooled his expression.  
  
"No. Just weird. Really weird. You must be incredibly strong."  
  
"Strong?"

"Madelynne - Maddie, this is a bit more personal than I usually get on a first meeting basis, but would you be okay with me going through your memories?" He wanted to go through her memories? Fear curled it's yellow body in her stomach, starting to writhe. She didn't want anyone knowing her memories. They were awful. "Why?" She asked, and her fear made her voice small, which she cursed herself for. Gabriel surprised her and grasped her hand gently with his. The touch was reassuring. "I'm not going to judge. I just want to see when your gifts started to manifest themselves, among other things." That did nothing to help her anxiety. "So you want to go through all of them?"

"Please. I wouldn't ask, but it's important. I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to look. Please?" He asked it so genuinely, without a hint of humor or his normal flippant attitude, that Maddie was inclined to trust him. He was a very old angel, she was sure that the stuff lurking in her head wasn't nearly as bad as some of the stuff he'd seen. Crap. "Alright. I trust you." She said quietly and looked up at him. He had a warm, surprised smile, and his eyes were like sunshine through whiskey, just like the fanfics described them.

Right now they were shining with warmth, and she felt reassured that this was the right decision. She wondered if he was doing that with his grace. "Thank you for your trust. I'm going to start now, okay?" He raised two fingers up towards her temple, but he hesitated. She gave a strong nod. "Gabriel?"  
"Yeah?"

"I- I don't want to see them. Can you look at them without me seeing? Is that a thing?" His expression shifted into sympathy. "Of course. You won't see a thing, I promise. This might take a minute or two. Just relax. It won't hurt." She looked into his warm whiskey eyes and felt her opposition slide away. She was going to trust him. He touched his fingers to her temple and she felt a surge of power rock through her like lightning. It didn't hurt, it just surprised her. His eyes remained open, but they were far away. She studied them, what else was she to do? She noted their shape and their beautiful color, and she knew without a doubt that she would be adding this image to her collection in her sketchbook. After about two minutes, Gabriel's eyes came back to reality, and he gasped and grabbed his chest, pulling his hand from her temple. "Holy shit."

"Are you okay?"  
  
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Angel, remember? But holy shit, you're powerful. That hit me like a cement truck."  
  
"What did?" She was so confused right now.

"That power surge? You felt it right?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"That wasn't from me."  
  
"Umm..."

"It was your gift recognizing archangel, and surging up to greet it, basically. Holy shit." He repeated. When he had gotten control over himself he looked at her with sympathy practically leaking from him. In his eyes were pity but there was also understanding. Instead of mentioning it, he looked at her jaw where the gist sized purple-black bruise stood puffily on her cheek. She colored and looked away. He knew all about how that got there. "I can fix that if you want." She nodded gratefully and then she felt his grace washing through her body. The cuts were fixed too now. She rubbed her cheek with her hand where the bruise had been. "Thanks. That was aching like a bitch. Sam's got a wicked right hook."

Assuming the gift he was talking about was the Seer thing, she said, "Did you find what you were looking for?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I did. You are strong. And the weirdest mix I've ever seen."  
  
"Gabriel, would you mind actually explaining what you're talking about so us slow folks can keep up?"  
  
He smiled at her fondly. "I like you. You're sassy. But yeah. You're an Indigo Child, a Sensitive, and a Seer."  
  
"An... An Indigo Child? The New Agey thing? I'm not telepathic."

"No. You're empathic. And Indigo Child is not a term reserved for the hippies. It has an angelic meaning too. You read other's emotional states. In your case, without even realizing it. If you had known, your gift would be even more strong than it is now, which is extraordinarily so, by the way."  
  
"Okay... We're gonna back burner that one for a moment. Sensitive?"  
  
"Again, empathic. You feel things. You sense other's emotional canvases, but also other things. Your gift can pick up on magic. You vibrate higher than normal humans."

"Vibrate... like the whole multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent thing?"

"Castiel sure does have a way of describing things." Gabriel shook his head in mock horror. "Picture it like frequencies. Like waves. Humans move at a certain pace, like ripples on water. Waves. Angels move much faster, we vibrate through multiple planes at once, existing here and there at the same time. Some humans vibrate faster than others, and those are usually used as vessels for angels. they can contain the higher vibrations. You? You're a step above potential vessels. You vibrate at about three times the level that most vessels do, even the ones that can contain archangels. You are extremely gifted. You need to learn how to use it."  
  
"Um. Wow. Okay... Only problem with that is I don't know how."

"I can teach you."  
  
"Are you serious?" She knew she was gaping at him, but she couldn't fix it. An archangel was offering to teach her. Holy shit. The nerdy information geek in her was swooning in ecstasy at the thought.  
  
"Deadly. You are very special."

"You know, Gabe? You're nothing like how I'd thought you be."  
  
"I'm not always joking around, you know. I can be serious. When it's important. The jokes, and the humor, they're fun, yeah, but they're-"  
  
"A defense mechanism, kind of. It's your go-to." He raised an eyebrow at her and smirked.

"See?"  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Exactly. Can you tell what I'm feeling right now?"  
  
"I- I don't know, I've never-"  
  
"Don't think about it. Just close your eyes. And open your mind. Picture something like a door, opening between us, and let whatever comes through it flow over you. Give me your hand. I'll help you."

She held her hand blindly out to him and gasped when it touched her, palm to palm. There was an undercurrent of energy there, but not like the first one had been. It wasn't nearly as strong. She tried to do as he asked, opening her mind to the sensations flowing through her, and separating her own from others. "You're excited and happy. Umm... Lustful... I'm guessing for a guy, I don't know who. Embarrassed... Surprised... Pleased." She opened her eyes and dropped her hand. "How'd I do?"

"Scarily accurate. About the guy bit, I kinda have a thing for Samchester in there."

Maddie's eyes widened, and she felt surprised first, (the fanfics were true!), then she started laughing. Gabriel let her laugh for a few moments before he distracted her by asking a question. "How'd you know it was about a guy?"

"I'm not entirely sure how to explain. I felt a bunch of different things from you, but they were all wrapped up in each other. Longing, and lust, and not shame, but dislike for it. Resignation. Like it was something you couldn't have. I can't really put it into words."

"I get it. But holy shit. You're awesome. Can you imagine if you trained and got stronger?"  
"Not really. I think I would annoy a lot of people."

"Eh, who cares?" He waved a hand dismissively. "You are very talented. I would be honored if you would let me teach you."  
  
"Why do you care so much, Gabriel? I mean, I'm not complaining, but this doesn't make sense to me."  
  
Gabriel conjured a giant red, overstuffed armchair in front of her which he promptly sank into.

"I've met Seers, and Sensitives over the years. I've even met a couple Indigo babes. But I've never seen all three in the same person. You have the potential to be very powerful, and I, of course, would like to say that I taught you how to be that awesome, but it's more than that."

Maddie tilted her head at him, confused. Whatever she'd done with Gabriel seemed to open a door inside her, she could feel an undercurrent of something surging from him.

"You're lonely." She said quietly and Gabe's eyes snapped up to hers, flashing with annoyance. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said it, it was just right there." Her voice was small. She wasn't really afraid of Gabriel, but still, pissing off an archangel wasn't exactly something on her bucket list.

"It's alright. That'll just take some getting used to. But yeah. That. Among a few other things, none of which I want to explain. So, how 'bout it, young grasshopper? Should you be wanting a master to teach you the ways of kung fu?"  
  
Maddie smiled, he was a moron. "I'll be Po as long as I get to call you Master Shifu."

Gabriel smiled then. Not the calculating smirk he has, or the arrogant "I know more than you do" smile, but a truly genuine, easy smile. It lit up his eyes, and Maddie was surprised at how it made her feel warm. Maddie closed her eyes then and tilted her head. "Whatcha doing?"

"Listening, I guess... This is nuts. Whatever I did with you changed something. Now I can..." She gestured around the room with a frustrated expression. She couldn't get the right words. "It tore down walls, basically. You are already very strong, but opening up like that and actively using your gift, instead of passively, allowed it to... activate, I guess. You'll be able to sense things on a much stronger level now. What did you sense when you were listening?"

"The guys are getting worried." She hopped off the table, glad to finally be able to put her feet on the floor. "We should probably go before you get shanked with Dean's toothbrush or something."

Gabriel smirked. "We wouldn't want to keep the toddlers waiting, of course."  
"Are you really going to make Cas human?"

"Yeah. If it's what he wants. And he'd be an idiot not to want it. Dad doesn't exactly hand opportunities like this out like they're M & M's. Cassie knows if he doesn't do it, he'll regret it. And I, for one, don't want to put up with him moping for the rest of eternity."

They were walking back out of the library towards the kitchen and Gabriel was giving her weird looks out of the corners of her eyes. "What?" She asked, stopping, and turning to him. "It's nothing. A thought just occurred to me. It's not important. As I'd rather not get shanked, we should get you back to the boys before they bring out the pitchforks and torches." She knew he was lying, but she didn't pursue it. She let it drop for now.  
  
  
  



	16. I Suppose There are Only Four Things to Say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Human!Cas. And protective Gabriel because why the heck not? It's adorable. Tell me what you think!! 
> 
> P.S. I tried to make the texting as easy as possible to understand. M>S means Maddie is texting Sam, M>C, she's texting Cas, and M>D: She's texting Dean. Their responses are just there initials, S: C: D: Sorry if there's any confusion. Hope you guys like this chapter. Tellll meeee!!!! <3

  
  
~Gabriel, Archangel~

 

Holy cheesecake balls this girl was powerful. And the shit she'd gone through... He shook his head. Nobody had ever protected her, and weird as it was, he found himself encircling her with his wing as they walked. She couldn't feel it, and it was just instinctive. She was strong, in more ways than one. Her gifts had started manifesting themselves at a year and a half old, which was extremely early. Most humans didn't grasp onto their gifts until puberty. He wondered how the Winchestnerds were going to take her being taught by him. That meant Gabriel would be around way more often than he was, which was never, because he knew the Winchesters wouldn't let him take her away from the bunker. He could still do it, but not without some serious repercussions, and that was just too much trouble to bother with.

He definitely hadn't expected to stumble on the strongest Sensitive he'd ever met when he started spying on Cassie tonight. That sucked that she knew about Sam and all. Gabriel had known he didn't have a chance with him anyway, but it was fun to fantasize. Finding your soul mate at eighteen years old had to be some kind of miracle. Gabriel was thousands upon thousands of years old and he had never really loved anyone. Not truly, like couple love. He had come close with Kali, he thought, but that was just too dangerous to really let himself go, and be vulnerable. So here he was, alone. As usual.

 

~Castiel~

 

Castiel was nervous about the transformation. His Grace was going to be gone. He would be completely human, susceptible to disease and sickness. Vulnerable. But this is what he wanted. He wanted to truly live with Dean. To understand everything between them on a personal level, not just a clinical one. He wanted this. But he was scared. "They're coming back now. Maddie's fine. Gabriel did not attempt anything untoward." Castiel assured them. They had both been extremely agitated the entire time that Maddie and Gabriel had been gone, though Castiel had assured them that everything was fine. When they entered the kitchen, no one could've been more shocked than he when Castiel saw that Gabriel's wing was wrapped around Maddie. His own wings flared out in surprise, and Gabriel arched an eyebrow at him and shrugged dismissively.

Castiel let his wings settle back down and he draped his right one over Dean's shoulder as was his habit. He stroked a primary down Dean's face lovingly, from temple to chin, and Dean shivered unconsciously. Humans could sometimes sense things, hidden things, but they often did not know what they were. Castiel had been doing this for years, and Dean had still not questioned it. He was actually rather glad about it. He did not think Dean would like it if he knew. "Everything cool with dickwad, Maddie?" Dean asked sarcastically, but he was concerned too. "Hey!" Exclaimed Gabriel indignantly. "Everything's fine, Dean. Don't be an asshole." Maddie replied as she sat down.

"So!" Gabriel clapped his hands together briskly. "Are you ready for this, Cassie?" Castiel noticed that Gabriel had shifted minutely as to allow his wing to fully go over Maddie's shoulders as he spoke. He knew the relationship was not the same as his and Dean's, but he wondered why he was doing that. "I suppose I am. Yes. How is this going to work? You are powerful, but even archangels do not have the power to remove Grace." Gabriel rolled his eyes. "This was Dad's idea, remember? I can take your Grace. I can only do it once though, sadly. I know some dicks who it'd do good to be human for a while." Gabriel's voice was sarcastic and regretful. "Are you sure about this, Cas? No going back." Dean said, looking at him with a serious expression. Castiel thought about it for a moment, checking his reasons and wants again, and found no change. He wanted this. He was scared, but he wanted a future with Dean.

Dean, and Maddie and Sam. He wanted to enjoy it while he could. "Yes, I'm sure." Castiel nodded reassuringly at Dean who still looked worried but he gave him a small smile. "Okay. That's good enough for me."

"Gabriel?" Castiel asked. He wasn't sure how they were going to do this. "It's not really a complicated process, Cassie. You can sit right there, just close your eyes." Gabriel walked over to him, but Castiel said, "Wait a moment, please. One last thing I want to do first." Castiel closed his eyes, he didn't need them to see anyhow. He sent a quick prayer to his Father. (Thank you, Father, for allowing me this opportunity to live out my days with Dean. I will cherish him for as long as I live, and even after death. Thank you for the gift of my time in Heaven. I am sorry I have failed You so many times, but I promise I will make the most of this precious gift. Amen.)

Castiel kept his eyes closed and looked at his friends. He didn't need his eyes to see what he wanted. He adjusted his visual perception and looked at their souls. It was like looking at four bright galaxies of light in the muddy darkness. Gabriel's Grace was a bright white, with swirls of light blue and pink. Sam's soul consisted mostly of pinks and red right now, speaking of his deep love for his brother, and there was a large purple streak, speaking of his shame and guilt, it pulsed steadily. Maddie's was every color. It swirled and spun unlike anything he had ever seen, and it gleamed very brightly. It was truly beautiful.

Dean's soul was one of the brightest Castiel had ever seen and it sang to him. Castiel could see the threads of bright white linked through it that were his Grace. His soul was many different shades of color, but it was mostly blue, light and dark alike. And it shone so brightly. That had been how Castiel located him in Hell. Amongst all the darkness and pain of tortured souls, Castiel had found a bright blue beacon of light from the Righteous Man. He stared at Dean's soul in wonder for several moments, committing the image to memory.

He never wanted to forget how Dean's soul sang with his Grace, and how it looked so beautiful to Castiel. This was the last time he would ever see that. Without thinking about it, Castiel stroked his longest primary feather against Dean's cheek and saw how his soul reacted, sending sparks of red and pink through all the blue. Okay. He was ready. Without opening his eyes, he spoke. "I'm ready, Gabriel." Castiel felt Gabriel lay a hand across his forehead and he felt an immense surge of energy run through him. It was cycling, fast and violent, through him. He didn't focus on that though. He watched Dean's soul.

Already, the vision was starting to go blurry and fade, but he wanted to see it for as long as he could. He felt his Grace being removed from him rapidly, he was weakening, and he was still scared, but he'd never been surer of anything in his life. He was ready for this. The vision of Dean's soul slowly slid away, and the song of Heaven faded until finally it was gone. The power surging through him was suddenly gone, and Castiel felt like he had been slammed into the ground from a very large height. The chair he was sitting in was hard against him, and slightly uncomfortable, he hadn't felt that before. His heart was beating hard in his chest and he was gasping for air. He could feel sweat on his brow, and he was uncomfortably warm in his coat. Oh boy. He opened his eyes.

 

~Maddie~

 

Cas was panting and holding onto the table like a lifeline. His eyes shot open and he looked around at them all. "Are you okay, Cas?" Sam asked from beside her, voice concerned. Cas swallowed thickly but said, "Yes. I think so. This is just... jarring." Cas flinched when Dean laid a hand on his shoulder. "I'm okay, Dean. This will take some getting used to." Gabriel was standing to her right, and she kept feeling shivers all over her left side. It felt like something was touching her, but nothing was there. She had an inkling of an idea what it was, but she wasn't sure how to bring that up. Gabriel closed his eyes and cupped his hands together. There was a flash of bright light from between his fingers and when he opened them there was a clear vial in his hand, full of silvery, blue essence that she assumed was Cas's grace. He gave it to Cas, who accepted it with shaking hands.

"Thank you, Gabriel." His voice was thick with emotion.   
  
"No need to thank me, little bro. Just be happy with your boy toy over there. And McScowly, if you frown anymore you're going to be doing a fantastic imitation of Sam-o's sturgeon face." Sam gave him a bitchface, and Maddie started laughing. These guys were idiots. And she needed to talk to Gabriel before he left, which it looked like he was about to do.

Hesitantly, she tried praying to him, to see if he could hear her. _(Gabriel, archangel standing beside me, can we talk? Alone? Before you leave, please?)_ Gabriel flinched slightly and looked down at her with curious eyes, but he gave a small, almost-not-there nod. _(Thank you.)_ He nodded again before returning his attention back to his newly human brother. Cas seemed okay, mostly. She couldn't even imagine how different it must feel. She was worried about him.

Cas was fiddling with the vial of grace in his hands almost nervously. He seemed to be on edge, but she guessed if she were suddenly another species, she'd be a little nervous too.  
  
"Cassie, you should probably sleep. It'll help. You'll feel better in the morning." Gabriel's voice was sympathetic, but also a bit amused. Cas looked like he wanted to protest, but when Dean stood and put a hand on his shoulder he looked up at him and nodded. He stood with shaking legs, still clutching the vial of grace tightly in his fist.  
  
"I hope we'll see you again, Gabriel," Cas said as he let Dean lead him out of the kitchen.

"Sam, get rid of him," Dean called as they left. Sam just arched an eyebrow at Gabriel like he expected him to fly off or something. A little shiver went through her at the look, and she wasn't sure why.  
  
"I'll be off momentarily, believe me, I don't fancy spending the night in an underground fortress. I'm good, thanks. But I've got some business with this lovely young lady here." Sam looked between them suspiciously, but Maddie just laughed it off. "It's no big deal." She said. "I'll be right back."

"Alright. Just... be careful." He said warningly, and she sighed. She understood why Sam didn't like him. If he had been forced to watch her sister die over and over again, she'd be pissed too. "Yep."   
  
They left Sam sitting in the kitchen, looking all kinds of irritated and disappointed, but she would have to deal with that later. They reached the library again, and she surprised Gabriel by turning around suddenly. He stopped walking and she pointed to her left shoulder.   
  
"Is that you?" She demanded. Gabriel flushed slightly and dropped her gaze. "Shit, sorry. I wasn't thinking."

She took a deep breath and said, "Are you doing that with... with your wings?"  
  
Gabriel's eyes were wide when he looked up at her. "Yeah, sorry. It's kind of instinctive. I didn't realize you'd be able to feel it."

"Why are you doing it?"  
  
"Like I said, it's instinctive."  
  
"What kind of instinct?"  
  
Gabriel looked acutely uncomfortable now. "A protective instinct."  
  
"Protective?" Maddie was confused. Did that even make any sense?

"I've seen all your memories and..." Maddie colored. Fuck. She closed her eyes and pressed her lips together in a tight line, trying to block out all the surfacing memories that he must've seen. He had seen everything. Fucking dammit.

"You just... I know what it's like to constantly get the shit end of the stick, and having nobody. People always underestimating you... I just, well... You know."  
  
"Wow. I don't think I've ever seen you so... vulnerable, Gabriel. No, hey, it's okay. It surprised me is all. On the show, you're just so... Goofy. And never serious. You're really not like that at all, huh?"

Gabriel assessed her with an odd expression she couldn't really identify. She felt it when it happened, on some deep level where her gifts lied. Gabriel decided to trust her.   
  
"Yeah. Pretty much. I'm sorry about the wing thing though. It just kind of happens when I'm not thinking about it." Maddie shook her head at him. "No, it's alright, I get it. I just had to see if I was right or not. What do they look like?"

"My wings?"  
  
"Yeah... That's not like a personal question, is it? If so, sorry."  
  
"No, not really. Just surprised me. Maybe I'll show you sometime. If you're a good grasshopper." He joked. She smiled at him. "Thanks, by the way, for what you did for Cas." He shrugged. "It wasn't my idea, I was just playing assistant. I just want to see them happy, even if Dean is an asshole. They deserve it. Annnddd, you and Dean too. That's complicated. Best of luck, and all that." Maddie could see him closing himself off again, and she figured he was about to leave. "Thanks, Gabe. Will you be back soon?"

"Um... I don't really know. You should probably mention it to the Winchestnerds. I'd really not like to get shot because I popped in on Dean and Cassie stemming the rose on the couch or something."

Maddie grimaced, recognizing the phrase from Brokeback Mountain, then laughed.   
  
"Wow. Okay. Not an image I needed." He gasped and pointed an accusing finger at her. "You ship Destiel. You can't tell me you haven't pictured it. I know you have."   
  
He tapped his temple with his forefinger and Maddie narrowed her eyes at him. "Okay, one, gross. Now I'll be thinking about you knowing that. And yeah, that was before I was living with them though. Now it's just weird. Really weird. Now shoo. I'll let you know when it's relatively safe for you to come back." She flapped her hands at him and he laughed.

"Hey, listen. If you need me, for anything, okay, just call me. I'm serious. I put my cell number in your phone, but if it's urgent, call me this way." He pointed at his temple again. "Seeya around, Bookworm."   
  
And with the fluttering flapping sound of wings, he was gone, leaving behind the sweet scent of cotton candy which quickly dissipated. Well... A lot had happened tonight. She tried to wrap her head around it all, but it would probably take some time. She sat up on the table for the time being and took a minute for herself.

She needed to breathe for a second. She'd barely been alone since she got here, and not that that was a bad thing, but she was used to pretty much being alone all the time. At home, she had had the kids during the day and stuff, but it wasn't the same. Now she had been sleeping in Dean's bed a lot, which was amazing, she wasn't complaining, and she spent the days with him and Cas, mostly. Today Sam had been thrown into the mix too. She wrapped her arms around her ribs, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. Instead of trying to wrap her head around everything that had happened today, she just decided to not think at all.

She took deep breaths, and kind of centered herself in the moment, smelling the lemon furnisher polish, and old books smell the library had. It helped her clear her mind of everything. There was a creak of wood to her right, and she immediately knew who it was.   
  
"Hi, Sam." She heard him start crossing the floor to her.   
  
"Hey, are you okay? I was getting a little worried there." He was standing right next to her. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just a lot happened today, and I'm kinda giving my brain a minute to catch up, I guess."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I can go if, you want."  
  
"No. It's no big. You can hang out if you want." She finally opened her eyes and looked at him. "Are we going to be good now? No more jealousy and all that?" Sam colored but he looked her in the eye and said, "No. I'm sorry about that. I feel terrible. Can I ask a question though?"  
  
"Yeah."

"Um, am I missing something? You and Dean are soul mates but... he seems to be with Cas." Now it was Maddie's turn to blush.  
  
"I'm really not sure if it's my place to explain, Sam. I'm not trying to keep it from you, but I'm only part of this. Maybe you should ask Dean tomorrow? I don't know if he'd want me to explain or not. It's kind of complicated." Sam looked disappointed but he nodded. "Okay. I think I'm going to go to bed, Maddie. Will you be alright?" She nodded. "Yeah, Sam, I'll be fine. Good night." He turned in the doorway and gave her a sad, "Good night." She felt bad, but she really didn't know if it was her place to say anything. She sighed. It was going to be a long night.  
  


~Castiel~  
  
  


Castiel was shaking as Dean led him to the bedroom. It was a unanimous decision that he sleep in Dean's bed with him. Castiel felt everything so strongly right now. The pressure of Dean's hands on his shoulder and lying on his arm was almost overwhelming. His skin tingled with the touch, and it made him feel warm, almost too hot like his coat was. When they reached the bedroom Dean led him inside where Castiel became acutely aware of how uncomfortable his clothing was, and that he and Dean would be sleeping(!) together in the same bed. Dean was being very gentle with him as he led him to the bed and urged Castiel to sit down.   
  
"Are you going to be comfortable in those clothes, Cas? I've got some pj's you can where if you want." Oh, even Dean's voice was overwhelming. His tone and the rumbling quality of it sent involuntary shivers through Castiel, and gooseflesh broke out on his skin. Oh, this as too much, but he needed to answer Dean.

"I am extremely uncomfortable. If pj's are more comfortable, I would be grateful for the use of them." Dean nodded understandingly and opened a dresser drawer, dragging clothing out. Castiel closed his eyes. Watching Dean was sending pleasant but unpleasant heat into his groin area, and now was most definitely not the time. Castiel flinched and his eyes shot open when he felt Dean's hand on his shoulder.

He had not been aware Dean was even close. Human senses were dull. Dean drew his hand away quickly.  
  
"Sorry. I've got your clothes. Uh, do you want me to leave while you get changed or whatever?" Castiel shook his head vehemently. As much as Dean was causing overwhelming sensations in his body, he was also Castiel's anchor. He needed Dean here with him. "Please don't leave." He pleaded.

Dean smiled reassuringly and said, "Okay, Cas. I won't. I'll be right here."  
  
Castiel nodded, unsure of what the surge of emotion shooting through was. He didn't trust himself to speak. He stood and quickly shucked his trenchcoat and his shoes. The tie and the shirt came next. He managed to get the tie off, but the buttons on his shirt would not cooperate with his wishes. He was growing frustrated quickly.   
  
"Here, Cas. Let me. You're shaking." Dean's hands were gentle and soft in pulling Castiel's away from his shirt. Castiel let him, his hands were shaking much too hard for him to be able to work the buttons with the necessary precision.

"Thank you, Dean." He nearly whimpered.   
  
"Don't thank me, Cas. It's okay." Dean quickly had his shirt off, being careful not to brush Castiel's skin, which he was thankful for, everything was far too sensitive. Dean moved to his pants without question and began to shimmy those down Cas' legs. Before he knew it, blue pajama pants were around his hips, and he was enswathed in a warm t-shit featuring a band name he didn't recognize. That was not how you spelled deaf, and he had no idea how leopards factored into the equation. Before Castiel could properly process anything, Dean had him lying down and the light was off. The softness of the mattress and Dean's warm breath on his neck made him indescribably happy and warm.   
  
"Go to sleep, Cas. You'll feel better in the morning."

Castiel was inclined to listen to him. He felt so good right now, the sensations just right. Castiel was the little spoon tonight, for which he was eternally grateful. He felt protected and safe with Dean pressed against his back and his arms wrapped around him. He had never liked falling asleep before when he had been human. He had felt too vulnerable, too open to attack, but with Dean at his back, he could relax. After he let himself lean into Dean's touch, he was asleep in minutes, Dean's soft whispered words lulling him to sleep. "I love you, Cas. I love you."  
  
~

When Castiel he woke he was scared. He didn't know where he was, and his body reacted to his fear, dumping adrenaline into his veins, and causing his heart to race. He sat up quickly and scrambled away from the presence behind him. He was standing against the wall with a very alarmed Dean Winchester staring at him when he realized. He was human now. He had been sleeping. It had been Dean behind him. Oh. Tears threatened for some unknown reason, and Castiel covered his face with both of his hands, then he felt Dean in front of him, not touching.   
  
"Cas? Are you okay? What is it?" His voice was low and soothing but concerned, and Castiel didn't blame him. Castiel took a shaky breath and tried to explain. "I - When I woke up I was confused and I didn't know where I was. I felt something behind me, and I was scared. I just - reacted. I-I'm sorry, Dean. I didn't mean to frighten you."

"Can I touch you, Cas? Is that okay?" Castiel nodded, desperate for comfort. Dean pulled him into a warm hug that Castiel couldn't help but melt into. When his hands went around Dean he realized he was still clutching the vial of his Grace tightly in his right fist. He felt better immediately with Dean's arms around him. "You didn't scare me, Cas. Not like that, anyway. I was just worried about you. Are you okay?"

"Mostly. This is all so new and overwhelming. I just f-feel everything. Oh, Dean." Castiel hugged him harder, and he felt tears slip down his cheeks onto the soft cloth of Dean's shirt. Dean's hand was running through his hair, soothing him. "Shhh, it's okay, Cas. It's okay. It'll get better, I promise."

They stood that way for a long time, and neither of them minded. Eventually, though, they had to part. Castiel's stomach was rumbling, signaling to him that his body needed food. He had forgotten about that.  
  
"Come on, Cas. Let's go get you some food. Or I can make you something and bring to you in here if you want?" Dean sounded strangely hopeful, but Castiel couldn't let Dean treat him like a child. He had to become accustomed to this. He let Dean lead him to the kitchen where Dean began preparing some eggs and toast for Castiel. Castiel sank into the chair gratefully before noticing a note propped against the microwave. He got up to read it and was surprised to find it was a note from Maddie.

_Hey, Dean or Cas or Sam, whoever's reading this, there's a surprise for you guys in the microwave. Heat it up for about 45 seconds. You'll love it I hope. I made it for you guys. Good morning! ~Maddie :) P.S. I didn't poison it. Probably. ;)_

She had drawn a smiley face next to her name, and for some reason the symbol had Castiel smiling. "Dean?"  
  
"What's up, Cas?"  
  
"Maddie has apparently left something for us in the microwave we are supposed to heat up for 45 seconds."

"She left a note?" Dean laughed. "Wow, it's getting domestic around here fast." Dean ambled over to the microwave and opened it just to check and see what it was. Giving the cups inside a curious look he heated them up for 45 seconds. The kitchen was filled with the smell of eggs bubbling in the pan, and chocolate. Castiel's stomach rumbled hungrily. Dean handed him a warm mug, the liquid inside was steaming slightly. "Be careful, it's hot." Dean admonished him and Castiel scowled at him.

"I am aware of that, Dean." Dean laughed and turned back to the stove, his cup in his hand. Castiel watched his eyes pop out of his head as he took a sip of the dark liquid.   
  
"Holy shit, that's awesome. Cas try it."   
  
This would be the first thing he tried as a human this time. The first thing he actually got to taste. He hoped it was good. He raised the cup to his lips and deep, rich chocolate made it's way over his taste buds, zinging them, and making his mouth water. Holy... That was delicious. He wondered if he thought it was so good because everything was still so new, or if it was actually just that amazing. "Wow."

Dean nodded, "I know right. The kid knows her way around the kitchen, that's for sure." He nodded approvingly as he plated the eggs and brought the plate over to Castiel, grabbing himself one as well. The eggs were amazing too, and Castiel ravished them. Food tasted amazing, he had missed this. They ate in comfortable silence, and just enjoyed each other's company. Castiel felt content.  
  
  


~From the journal of Castiel, ex-Seraph~  
  


_It is 1:30 in the afternoon on my first official day as a human, September 18th. Dean has gone to find Maddie, his soul mate. I am sitting on Dean's bed, in his room, in the bunker the Winchesters have made their home. It is mine as well. Home, I mean. There are many definitions for a home, my two favorites are; a place where something began and flourished, and; an environment offering affection and security. The bunker is both. It is a home with a family. It is not entirely a first, I was an angel of the Lord, I have many siblings, and I lived in Heaven, but it is not the same as a home. Heaven is a place of origin, the bunker is a sanctuary. We're a family. In Heaven, I had nothing personal besides the angels I knew, and the memories I had there. In the bunker, you can tell it's a home, our home, simply by walking through it. In the kitchen sits the refrigerator on which a picture of our family is hung. On the table in the living room is the lamp Dean bought simply because I said it was pretty. On the bookshelves in the library are books we have bought for each other over the years. There is a chipped mug in the cabinet because Dean dropped it when I landed behind him suddenly, startling him. All throughout our home are little pieces of ourselves that have made it just that, a home. Heaven was not the same._

_I am not the same. I have only been human for mere hours, and already I have cried, and nearly collapsed, eaten, and slept in Dean's arms. Those are not very angelic things to do, but that is fitting, I suppose, for I am no longer seraphim. Dean and I are very much in love, and I can honestly say I don't think I have ever felt more content. I imagine it will only continue to be better. Right now my emotions and feelings are so very raw that almost everything is overwhelming. I find it uncomfortable at best, and very frustrating and frightening at worst, but Dean seems to find it endearing. I like the way he holds me now like I'm precious and vulnerable. I suppose I am vulnerable now. I do not know about precious, I would ask him, but I think he would balk at such a bald question. I do not know though, he has surprised me on occasion by doing things outside the norm._

_This journal was Sam's idea. He told me many months ago about keeping journals as a way of recording information; feelings, thoughts, memories, etc. I had no need of it then. My angelic brain remembered all information. I made a decision this morning to record my life from now on. I will write down the aforementioned things. I can only hope it does not become tedious, I find it quite cathartic, I am surprised to say. Who would have guessed? Probably Sam. Dean has found his soul mate. She is a girl I have brought over from another dimension. She prayed to me for a year, and I heard her, which shouldn't have been possible. She is a very special young woman. Her name is Madelynne, but she goes by Maddie, so I will call her such as I write. Maddie has many gifts, some of which are still unknown to me. Next to Dean's, hers is the most beautiful soul I have ever seen. It is a complicated situation, but we are practicing something called polyamory, which I need to research. As ludicrous as this is, I think I could take a nap. Being human is taking its toll._

_Gabriel wrapped his wing around Maddie in a protective gesture last night, and I wonder why he did that. Perhaps I should ask him next time I see him. If I see him. I do not know if we will maintain contact now that I am human. How odd it is to say that. But I like it as well. I wish to spend the rest of my life with Dean, or perhaps I should say the rest of my existence because I wish to be with him in Heaven. It would not be a Heaven for me without him. He is the love of my life. Existence. He told me that I am his forever, and I couldn't have worded it better myself. The Righteous Man is mine now, and I call him Dean. We have a home. We have love. We will build a life. We are going to spend the rest of lives exploring each other, learning, loving, healing, and I cannot think of anything better to do. My body horripilates just thinking about it. I suppose there are only four things left to say for now. I am no longer an angel. I am human, and my name is Castiel. I do not regret my decision._

_~Castiel_

 

~Dean~

 

 **D: maddie where are you?  
**  
**D: hey? are you ok  
**  
**D: dude where the hell are you?  
**  
**D: maddie!**

She wasn't answering him, and he was starting to get worried. He left Cas by himself for the first time since he'd been human and went to find Maddie. He needed to know she was okay. He hadn't seen her since last night, and that had hours and hours ago. He searched her bedroom and went through the living room and kitchen, yada yada. He was running out of ideas when his phone pinged. He checked it immediately and it was a message from Maddie.

**M: Whoa. Sorry. I've been in the training room. I'm fine, Dean.**

Dean immediately went down to the training room just to make sure. He wasn't sure why he was so worried but something just felt wrong. He opened the door slowly, the lights already on, only to find an exhausted-looking Maddie leaning against the wall with her knees up, holding her phone in her hand. Her head was leaning back against the wall and her eyes were closed. She had dark circles of exhaustion under her eyes, and Dean could see she was covered in a sheen of sweat. She'd been trying to kill the punching bag apparently. Even from here he could see the bloody knuckles. She didn't appear to have noticed his presence, and debating on what he should do, he carefully eased back out of the room and sat down against the wall. He decided to text Maddie and see what she said.

 **D: whatve you been doing in the training room? how longve you been down there?  
**  
**M: Eh, I've been at it a few hours. And I've been practicing stuff that Cas showed me, duh. Everything okay, Dean?  
**  
**D: i guess. i was just worried about you. i couldnt find u anywhere  
**  
**M: Yeah. I like it down here. And... Hey, Dean?**

 **D: yeah?  
**  
**M: I know you're here, you know. I'm not deaf.  
**  
**D: shit. sorry. i was just checking on you  
**  
**M: I'm not five, Dean. And I'm not a princess, but thanks. Go back to Cas. He needs you right now.**

Then Maddie was opening the door and she walked briskly down the hallway without saying a word to him, and he didn't say anything to her either. This was complicated. He sighed and got up, wondering what the hell he'd been doing sitting on the floor anyway, and he went back to Cas.

 

~Maddie~

 

God, she was fucking tired. She hadn't slept last night at all. She didn't feel like dealing with the nightmares. There was no cure, there was no relief. If she slept by herself, she was tortured by her past. She had already been battered beyond belief by her memories and living the experiences once. She didn't need the constant reminder of how fucked up she was. She headed straight to her bedroom, grabbed a change of clothes and went to take a shower. She was covered in sweat, and she was sure she stank. Besides, showers helped. As she was taking off her clothes she looked in the mirror, noting her body's changes since she'd been here.

She was more lean, just a bit, her collar bones more pronounced, as well as her jaw. She hadn't even been pudgy before, but now she'd been training, and strengthening herself, and she looked stronger, physically speaking. Her eyes were haunted right now, resting above the dark half moons from exhaustion. But whatever. It didn't matter. She'd sleep eventually, she'd have to. And she'd have nightmares, and she'd wake up and repeat the process. She knew it wasn't healthy, but there was no way in hell she was intruding on Dean and Cas's newfound couplehood. Besides, she thought as she was climbing under the hot spray of water, Cas was newly human.

He needed all the adjustment time he could get, and Dean would help with that. They were in love. She definitely wasn't going to be selfish and bring her problems into the mix. She nearly cringed at the thought and rubbed shampoo through her hair. The familiar strawberry scent washed over her and she let herself just stop thinking for awhile. When she finished, she dressed carefully in her black jogging pants, they tightened at the ankles so much that they kind of looked like a drawstring waist or something, and a black t-shirt to match. Her pants kind of made her think of harem pants or something, but she loved them. They had been her mom's.

Four big white letters stretched from her left thigh down to her knee, the legend reading ETSU. East Tennessee State University. For one brief instant, she experienced nostomania, but it quickly went away. She was thankful. She didn't want to go home any more than she fancied a stroll through some Hellfire. No, thank you. She cleaned the mess and then walked back to her bedroom where she deposited her stuff on the bed before turning right back around and walking out. She changed her mind when she reached the door though and went to her duffle bag. She dug through it and picked a Stephen King book at random.

Only when she was settling down in the library with a cup of coffee, did she look at the title. Dolores Claiborne. Oh good. She loved this one. She opened it and began to read, falling into the world of a woman who killed her husband, and quiet life on a Maine island. When she emerged from her visit to Maine and closed the book some two hours later she sighed sadly. Sometimes she wished she didn't read so fast. As much as she was proud of the fact that she read almost a thousand words a minute, it was annoying occasionally. Sometimes enjoying a story was just as much about the time and patience it took to read it, as it was about the world the author had created.

She got up and went to the kitchen to refill her coffee cup, stifling a yawn. She was surprised not to run into anyone on her way. The coffee pot had kept her black gold hot, for which she was thankful. She started sipping it just straight black, which was something she hated to do, but it kept her awake. She usually preferred milk and sugar in it. People made fun of her for it. People were always complimenting others for liking to drink coffee black saying, "You drink it like a man, huh?" But those same people seasoned their steak and potatoes before they ate it didn't they? Bastards. She laughed slightly when she realized what she had thought. Lack of sleep wasn't very good for her. She walked by the refrigerator when she noticed a note was written on the pad there. It was written in a messy, but still perfect cursive scrawl. It was rather beautiful. She was guessing that was Cas's handwriting.  
  


_Thank you for the hot chocolate, Maddie. It was amazing. Good morning to you as well. ~Castiel_   
  


She saw that Dean had written something under it in a scratchy print, and if that didn't speak of the differences between their personalities, nothing would.  
  


_Are you sure you didn't poison it? Cuz I don't know... Who leaves notes these days, anyway? Dork. Thanks for the drink though, it was pretty awesome. ~Mr. Sexy_   
  


She laughed and tore that note off, and wrote another of her own.  
  


_Apparently, you do, Dean, hence, you are also a dork. Sad day in Winchester land, huh? And aren't you being a little cocky, Dean? Mr. Sexy sounds like the title of a bad porno. LOL You're very welcome, Cas!! I'm glad you liked it! ~Maddie, Queen of the dorks, P.S. For the poison comment: suck it, Dean... Oh wait... :D_   
  


Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, Dean. She thought with a laugh. She wondered where everybody was and decided to just text everyone at the same time and see. She hadn't really been left alone since she got here, so this was a bit odd. She noted that it was almost four in the afternoon, so it would be okay to text everybody.

**M: Hello. :D Where is everybody today?**

She sent it to Sam, Cas, and Dean and she got responses nearly at the same time.

 **S: Hi. I'm in my room, reading. Don't know about Dean and Cas, I think they're in Dean's room though.  
**  
**C: Hello, Maddie. I don't know where Sam is, I haven't spoken to him today. I am in Dean's room. I have finished the Stand and started a book called Dreamcatcher. I hope you do not mind that I took it from your room. If so, I will happily return it. Dean is here with me, also.  
  
** **D: im in my room ya stalker ;) haha. hi. sams in his room pouting. cas is with me. where are u?**

She laughed. These guys were funny sometimes. She texted them all back separately since no response would really fit all their answers.

 **M >S: Sorry to interrupt, I was just wondering where everyone was. Thanks.  
  
** **M >C: Did you like the Stand?! I don't care. You're welcome to any of my books anytime, Cas. I love Dreamcatcher, but it's really freaking creepy at some parts, just fair warning.  
  
** **M >D: I wouldn't exactly call myself a stalker. Just a fan. This is Becky, by the way. Hi, Dean. How's Sam? :)**

She laughed, wondering what Dean would say to that. Again, her answers all arrived in tandem.

 **S: You're not bothering me... How're you today?  
  
** **C: I enjoyed the Stand immensely. It was fantastic. I hope I will like Dreamcatcher as well. Creepy how?  
  
** **D: oh my god dont even joke like that! *full body shudder**

She laughed at Dean's response. Ahh, her life these days, she smiled. Awkward and all, it was awesome.

 **M >S: Yay. And it's been alright. I finished a book, which is cool. How about you?  
  
** **M >C: I can't really say too much without revealing some spoilers, but there's some really gross part of it, involving blood, and death, and bowels and stuff. It's a really sad book, Cas. Excellent, but sad.  
  
** **M >D: Who said it's a joke? ;)**

 **S: Oh. What'd you read? And it's alright too, I guess. It's been kind of crappy, actually.  
  
** **C: Oh. I wasn't aware that it would be a sad story. I'm not sure I should read it now. My emotions are easily evoked since I'm newly human. Was it sad enough to make you cry? If that's not too personal of a question?  
  
** **D: oh my god. ur kind of really scary sometimes**

 **M >S: Dolores Claiborne, by Stephen King. It's a great book, have you ever read it? And I'm sorry about that, Sam. Anything I can do to help?  
**  
**M >C: I did cry a couple of times. It's a sad story that doesn't really spare your feelings, but it's definitely worth reading at the same time. How are you today, being newly human and all? Are you okay?  
  
** **M >D: I know. But I'm awesome like that. I'm glad you liked the hot chocolate. Dean, is Cas okay? New human and all that.**

 **S: Oh. I have read that. That was a good book, actually. And it's not your fault. And nah, I don't think so. Texting is nice though if you don't mind.  
  
** **C: I am doing as okay as I can I guess. Relaxing with Dean, and reading is helping. I woke up this morning panicked. I didn't know where I was for a moment, but Dean helped. Thank you for the hot chocolate this morning. It was the first thing I tried consuming as a human(this time), and it was truly excellent. I'm glad it was my first experience with taste again. Thank you for asking about how I am doing. How are you?  
  
** **D: he seems alright i guess hes mostly just reading and texting. he talking 2 u?**

 **M >S: Have you read anything else by King? I love his books. And I don't care. I'm always down for texting. Feel free to text away.  
  
** **M >C: I'm sorry, Cas. Is there anything I can do to help? You don't have to thank me for asking how you are, Cas. You're welcome for the hot chocolate. I'm really glad you liked it! Thanks for the compliment, too. ?? And, I'm doing mostly okay, I guess. Tired.  
  
** **M >D: Yeah, we're texting. I'm actually texting all you guys at the moment. He told me he freaked out this morning. Is there anything I can do to help with anything?**

 **S: Yeah, I've read a few of his books. And cool. Thanks, Maddie. I'm sorry about the fight. I was stupid.  
  
** **C: I do not know of anything that you could assist with, but thank you for the thought. It's nice to have friends who care. Are you alright? Perhaps you should take a nap.  
  
** **D: i dont know really he just seems to be relaxing at the moment but if anything comes up ill let you know**

 **M >S: What books??? Details, my good man, details. And please don't. It's alright, Sam. I get it, and you're forgiven. I'm sorry too as far as it goes. But if it's possible, I'd like to just kind of move forward. I don't hold it against you or anything.  
  
** **M >C: You still don't have to thank me, Cas. And I'm fine, lol. If there's anything you can think of that I could help with, let me know. I'd be happy to help. Cas, do you like gardening?  
  
** **M >D: Thanks, Dean.**

 **S: The Dark Half, DC obviously, 11/22/63, The Shining, Under the Dome, The Stand, Needful Things. I read The Long Walk which he wrote under another name, but it was awesome. I've read a bunch of his short stories too. And okay... We can try. Thank you for forgiving me.  
  
** **C: What does 'lol' mean? I will tell you if anything comes up. I've never gardened before. I was a soldier in Heaven, and on Earth, I have never found a reason to. I am fond of bees though. Don't they frequent gardens?  
  
** **D: ur welcome kiddo.**

 **M >S: Wow, you have some holes in your education if those are the only ones you've read. I feel bad for you. I can help, lol. I've got tons of his books if you're interested. And ditto to you Sam, on the forgiveness thing. Let's just move on, yeah?  
  
** **M >C: Lol means Laugh Out Loud. It's not a command, just a signal that somebody was laughing about what you or they typed. It signifies that the text was humorous. And yeah, if you have a garden, you're going to have bees.  
  
** **M >D: Hey, Dean, how would you feel about helping me with something?**

 **S: Ok. Yeah, I haven't read any of his books in a while, that'd be cool. What do you suggest first?  
**  
**C: What did I say that was amusing? Thank you for explaining so thoroughly, it helped. I like bees a lot, perhaps I should look into a garden of some sort.  
  
** **D: what is it?**

 **M >S: Hmm... That's a hard one... The Mist, maybe. Or, I don't know, the freaking GREEN MILE. Seriously, how did you miss that one? It's freaking awesome, lol.  
  
** **M >C: It's a little complicated to explain, Cas. And you're welcome. :)  
**   
**M >D: I think we should make Cas a garden. Wrong time of year right now, but he likes bees. Garden = bees. Bees + Cas = Happy Cas. Could we make one?**

 **S: I really don't know. The movie was really good though. I'll probably start on that one. Hey, are you in the kitchen?  
**   
**C: I still do not understand, but okay.  
**   
**D: i mean yeah. not a big deal. you guys could probably make one out back or something. is this a surprise thing? and just so we're clear bees are flying demon bugs sent 2 torture innocent human beings**

 **M >S: Okay. I can grab it for you if you want. And yeah... Why?  
**   
**M >C: I'm sorry, Cas. It's like... I found the fact that you asked if I was alright because I was tired amusing because it's endearing that you're worried about me. I know technically that wouldn't fall into the category of something that would be humorous, but there it is.  
**   
**M >D: Dean, are you scared of bees??? :'D**

 **S: Is there any coffee made?  
**   
**C: Oh. I understand now. But Mddie, I must say, you finding it amusing that someone is worried about you seems self-deprecating to me. Dean is swearing at his phone and I am unsure of the reason. Is everything okay?  
**   
**D: i fight demons 4 a living im not scared of bees! i just dont like them is all**

 **M >S: Yes there is. Would you perhaps be fancying a cup?  
**   
**M >C: I asked him if he was scared of bees and I think I was totally right. And you might be right about that Cas. Sorry.  
**   
**M >D: You are so scared of bees, Dean. You can't lie. Like at all. Lmao. I don't know how you manage to make people think you're an FBI agent... ????**

 **S: Yep. I'm going to come grab one.  
**   
**C: I believe you are correct. I asked him of it and he cursed and said we were ganging up on him. This is really quite funny, thank you for the entertainment, Maddie. :) (Did I use that correctly?) Why are you apologizing?**  
  
**D: oh shut ur piehole. im an awesome fbi agent. i look so sexy in a suit that nobody even questions my super fake id**

 **M >S: OK :)  
**   
**M >C: You are very welcome, Cas. Happy to help. Knew I'd find a way. ;) And yes you did, good job. :) .... And... That's hard to explain to. I say sorry when I feel like I've done something I shouldn't have. You're newly human, I shouldn't be dragging you down with my issues.  
**   
**M >D: So you're saying you just get by on your looks? That's sad, Dean.**

 **C: You did. I did not know that would help. Thank you. :).... Maddie, you aren't dragging me down in any way. Actually, I feel better. Seeing Dean curse at his phone is quite amusing, and I have you to thank for that. :)  
**   
**D: gah! ur just like sam! thats not what i meant!**

 **M >C: You're welcome, Cas. Thank you for saying that. Hey, I have a question for you.**  
  
**M >D: I don't care what you meant, that's totally how it was taken. *insert evil laugh**

 **C: Please ask, Maddie.**  
  
**D: you are kind of an ass you know that?**

**M >D: Yes, but an adorable ass, no? Lol ;)**

Sam walked into the kitchen looking much the same as she did. She wondered if he had slept at all last night. He went straight for the coffee pot and was sitting at the table drinking it before he looked at her. He looked away quickly with something like shame written on his face and started messing with his phone, so Maddie went back to texting too.

 **C: I'm not sure. What kind of posing? Would it be uncomfortable?  
**   
**D: hey im the adorable one around here. ;)**

 **M >C: No, it shouldn't be uncomfortable. I'd even be happy sketching your hands, they're one of my fortes. I understand if you'd rather not, Cas, it's just a hobby of mine,   
which you in no way have to indulge. Promise. :)  
**   
**M >D: Yeah, whatever, "Mr. Sexy." You know, with as big as your head is I'm surprised you're able to fit it through your T-shirts.**

This time Sam texted her too.

 **S: You look tired...  
**   
**C: I don't think I'd be uncomfortable Maddie. I think it'd be fine. I would like to indulge your hobby. I have never seen any of your sketches. Could you show me?  
**   
**D: oh shut up brainiac**

Maddie gave Sam a sharp look which made him flush slightly and she laughed.

 **M >S: You don't exactly look like Brad Pitt there, Sam.  
**   
**M >C: I could if you would like. I'm not sure if that would make you uncomfortable or not though.**  
  
**M >D: Nah. Where's the fun in that? I like bothering you. It's amusing.**

 **S: I didn't sleep very well last night. You?**  
  
**C: Why would they make me uncomfortable?**  
  
**D: good to know youre such a sadist maddie. good to know.**

 **M >S: I haven't been to sleep yet. I'm running on pure caffeine and willpower at this point.**  
  
**M >C: Because they're... you know what, just ask Dean. He'll tell you. I can't. I'm sorry, Cas - if it does make you uncomfortable.**  
  
**M >D: Hey Dean.... tell Cas about what you saw in my sketchbook, please. He wants to see. I just can't tell him...**

 **S: You still haven't slept? That's not healthy. Why are you staying up like that?**  
  
**C: Maddie, I'm not uncomfortable with that at all. In fact, I find it rather sweet. I'd really like to see them, please.**  
  
**D: ok. dude.... hes tearing up over it. wow. wonder what hell do when he sees them. are u going to show him?**

 **M >S: Nightmares are a bitch.**  
  
**M >C: I don't understand how you find it sweet. Do you want me to get my sketchbook now or later?**  
  
**M >D: Yeah, I guess so.**

 **S: I know the feeling. I'm sorry though. That sucks.**  
  
**C: As soon as it's convenient for you. I really am very curious.**  
  
**D: soon? hes practically making the bed vibrate hes so excited**

 **M >S: Yeah... Used to it though. I'm gonna go show Cas my sketchbook. Apparently, he's very excited about it. Are you good, Sam?**  
  
**M >C: I'll be up in a few minutes then if it's okay.**  
  
**M >D: Soon.**

 **S: I'm fine. Go ahead. I'll ttyl, I guess.**  
  
**C: It is more than okay. :)**  
  
**D: k good. hes starting to freak me out. hes like a puppy lol**

**M >S: OK, Sam. Ttyl. :)**   
  
  
  
  



	17. Hello!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mostly just sweet nothingness, lol. Just a shorty before the next one. HEy though, nothing triggering I don't think, but Sammy boy is depressed and Maddie mentions her too. OH. And the pic that Maddie drew of Cas and Dean like that? It's a real fan artwork out there. It's absolutely fantastic, and actually one of the things that inspired this fic.

  
  
Maddie got up from the table, noticing Sam's sad eyes followed her out of the kitchen. She made a note to spend more time with him soon. He looked like he could use some company. She walked to her bedroom and grabbed her sketchbook then went and knocked on Dean's door. It flew open in under a second, with a flushed, excited Cas on the other side. "Hello!" He said. Wow. He really was excited. She found herself smiling at his enthusiasm. "Hi, Cas. I brought it." She gestured to her sketchbook and he smiled happily, going to sit down on the edge of the bed, nearly bouncing. It was adorable. "May I see?" He said excitedly, and how on earth could she deny that face? Wow.

She handed it over to him, and he grasped it gingerly like it was something precious. He took a deep breath like he was preparing himself for something, then flipped the cover open. He gasped when he saw Dean's face looking back up at him. His eyes flew to her face, which was heated. "Maddie, this is amazing. You have to teach me how to draw! Wait, please? Will you please show me?" She laughed at how cute he was being. "I can try, Cas." He nodded thankfully and went back to the sketchbook, flipping through the pages. Her nervousness grew as he continued towards the end. All the drawings that Dean had seen had been in black and white, but she'd added some in color since then. She wondered if Cas would recognize the eyes.

He flipped to that page and gasped aloud. "Gabriel." He whispered. The eyes staring back up at him form the page looked photo real to Maddie, but she probably wasn't the best judge, she was too close to her own artwork. She had spent forever last night trying to get those right. "Oh, wow. Holy shit." Dean said, looking over Cas's shoulder. She had three other new drawings after Gabriel's eyes. They were all quick sketches. One was of Sam with how he'd looked in the training room, the edges of the paper were tinged with red where she'd colored it, and Sam was in black and white. The next one was of Dean laying on her chest as he slept, her hand in his hair. Dean flushed at that, and Cas gave them a curious look before looking back down at the book in his hands. She put her hand over his wrist as he went to turn the page.

He froze and looked up at her, confused. "Cas. You might not want to look at this one." He scrunched his eyebrows together. "Why not?" Maddie cleared her throat uncomfortably. "It just... might make you emotional. I don't want to make you sad. Especially not while you're so buoyant right now. Can I show you later? Some other time, when everything isn't so new?" She pleaded with him. She really didn't want to upset him, and she knew it would. He took in her pleading expression and nodded.

"Okay. But you will show me, won't you?" She nodded. It's a promise, Cas. Let's just wait until you're a little more used to being human. Were you serious about the drawing thing?" He nodded enthusiastically as he handed her sketchbook back to her. "Oh, yes. I would love to be able to do that. Do you think I'll be able to?" She shrugged, then nodded. "Anything's possible. Just takes practice."

"Can we start now?" He was practically bouncing again. It made her smile. "Let me get my pencils. Do you want to do it here?" He nodded and then she went to her bedroom to get all her art supplies. She couldn't have been more surprised when Dean followed her in and closed the door behind him. She turned around, "Uh, Dean?" She was confused. "I want to see the drawing you wouldn't show Cas."  
"Why?"

"Just cause." She arched an eyebrow at him and waited. He rolled his eyes but said, "I just want to see it, okay? I don't want to be blindsided by it or something." That was a thin excuse at best, but she shrugged. If he wanted to see it... She flipped her sketchbook to the correct page and hesitantly handed it to him. He gasped as he took in the image. It was Cas pretty much falling into Dean, his face buried in Dean's chest. Dean had his arms wrapped around Cas's head, and his face buried in his head. The only color in the picture was a bloody streak on Cas's back, around his shoulder blade... Where a wing should've been. Dean's eyes were wet when he looked back up at her and closed the sketchbook.

"Don't show that to Cas. Not for a long time. Promise me." She nodded. "Okay, Dean." He nodded at her and abruptly walked out, leaving her confused. She grabbed her stuff and went back to the bedroom where Cas was waiting. A couple hours passed as she showed Cas what the different pencils were for, and the different kind of lines they made. He learned how to shade, and the importance of light on a subject. He wanted to draw realistically like she did a lot of the time. She watched in wonder as he started trying to draw his left hand, practicing realism as she had. The angles were different, she was sitting next to him on the bed, but she drew his hand too. Adding it to her ever-expanding collection.

She noticed he was incredibly tense. "Hey, Cas. Relax. These aren't going to hang in museums or anything. Nobody has to see 'em but you if that's what you want. Relax, enjoy tracing the pencil across the paper, and just let your brain empty, and focus on the lines, on the shadows and the light. It'll help, I promise. You don't have to be perfect." His face kind of broke then opened at the last sentence, and his eyes grew wet. "Thank you, Maddie." He said quietly, and returned to his drawing, this time much more relaxed. Good. She finished the drawing of his hand in record time, then started a quick sketch of how he looked right now. He was bent over the paper, staring at it intently, his eyebrows scrunched together, and the tip of his tongue poking out from between his lips. She wasn't sure how long they were drawing, but eventually, Dean came in and said, "Alright, ya Michaelangelo's, it's time for dinner. Come on." He stood there authoritatively as they gathered everything and put it up.

Cas excitedly showed him his drawing, which was quite good in Maddie's opinion, and Dean fawned over it, making her laugh. They were so cute and sappy together. It cemented her resolve not to interrupt there couplehood with her sleep issues. She threw all her crap on her bed, knowing she wouldn't be using it tonight either, and went to the kitchen, which smelled delicious. Dean had made some sort of chicken pot pie thing that had her mouth watering. It surprised her that Dean had actually made it homemade. The fanfics were always talking about how Dean liked to cook or was actually like a real homemaker kind of person, but reading it and seeing it in person were two different things. They all settled in at the kitchen table, and she realized Sam wasn't there. She brought out her phone and texted him.

**M: Sam? Where are you?  
**   
**S: I'm in my room. Why?  
**   
**M: Come eat. Dinner's done.  
**   
**S: I'm not hungry really.  
**   
**M: Is it okay if I come talk to you for a minute? Please?  
**   
**S: Uh, I guess.  
**   
**M: I'll be right there.**

She excused herself from the table with an excuse she didn't even remember as she was walking to Sam's bedroom. She knocked lightly, and heard a quiet 'come in'. She opened the door slowly and was surprised to see the lights were off. She heard a shuffling sound and then a lamp clicked on. Sam was sitting on the bed with his back up against the wall. He looked so fucking sad. "What's up, Maddie?" She fidgeted nervously with the hem of her shirt.   
  
"Sam... What's wrong? I mean... why are you in here? Avoiding everybody? Not sleeping. And apparently not eating. I'm just... I have depression too, and I see what's going on. I just... You can talk to me if you want to." She mostly addressed the floor as she spoke but she glanced up at Sam to judge his reaction more than once. "I, uh... Crap. You're observant." She smiled thinly and looked up at him. "Nah. Just lived it too many times not to recognize it. When'd you realize?"

"I suspected when I was a teenager, but when I left and went to Stanford I ended up getting diagnosed. You?"  
  
"I was fifteen. It was right before my mom died, actually. I took antidepressants for a while and they helped, but after she died and I moved in with my aunt she refused to let me stay on them because 'I wasn't living in the same situation anymore.'" Sam's face was shocked. "That's fucked up."  
  
"Yeah, it was. Have you ever been on medication for it?"  
  
"Eh, a couple of times, but not with any regularity. Usually, I'm okay."

"Sam. Could I bring you a plate up here? So you can eat if you get hungry?" He flushed lightly. "Nah, it's fine. Don't worry about it." She sighed heavily. "Sam, stand up. Please." She implored him. He looked confused but did as he asked. As soon as he was up she rushed into his arms and hugged him before he could protest. His arms hesitantly wrapped around her. "Sam, please listen to me. I know there's a bunch of other stuff going on, but you gotta know, everything with us is fine, okay? I don't hold grudges, and I'm not going to run you out of having dinner with your family. So if you won't come down, please let me bring it up, so I at least know you won't go hungry. Please? You're making me feel bad."

Maddie implored. His chin pressed into the top of her head lightly. She knew he was thinking about it. It was several moments before he said anything. "Alright." It was just a simple word, but she knew he was agreeing to more than just letting her bring food up to him. She didn't let go, just kept hugging him until he began to pull away. It was something she'd read on Facebook once. A quote from one of the people that used to play a Disney princess at Disney Land. You never know how much someone might need a hug, so you always let them pull away first, basically. She had taken it to heart, and it worked well for her. Sam looked a little better, smiling wanly. "I'll be back in a minute, okay?"

He nodded and as she was walking out of the room he said quietly, "Thank you, Maddie. I don't deserve this." She looked back at him, and her voice was firm and sure. "Yes, you do." And she walked out to get him some food. She grabbed a big bowl and filled it with food. Dean and Cas gave her a curious look but she just shook her head noncommittally. "I'll explain later, guys. Don't worry. You guys have fun." They agreed and were quickly wrapped up in each other again. She grabbed her bowl to as she left the kitchen, on the off chance that he'd want some company. The door was open when she got back so she announced herself and walked in. Sam was still sitting on the bed, this time with one leg folded underneath the other. She handed the full bowl to him, and he accepted it gratefully.

"Would it be too presumptuous of me to ask if you wanted some company for a while?" She asked softly, preparing herself to get rejected. She would understand if he wanted to be alone. "Actually that'd be nice. If you want." He said quietly. "Sure. I'd like that. Where should I sit?" She smiled, and he looked taken aback, but pleasantly surprised. He gestured to the other side of the bed with an 'if you want.' She sat down next to happily, and leaned up against the wall like he was. They talked about how Cas had done today, and how she had shown him how to draw a little, he was actually good at it. The conversation eventually changed to books, and they talked forever. They had wiled away almost two hours before either of them realized how long they had been sitting there talking. Maddie glanced at her phone when he did and she had unread messages.

**D: what are you and sam doing uve been gone forever  
** **C: Hey, Maddie. Could you please tell Sam he's more than welcome to join us when we eat? He's not being ostracized. We missed him at dinner, and I haven't seen him all day. I would tell him myself, but I'm not sure if he would appreciate it.**

She showed Sam Cas's message before replying to both of them.

**M >D: It's called talking Dean. You should try it sometime, lol. We're fine.**   
**M >C: I showed him your message. He said, "Thanks, Cas. Sorry. I just wanted some time alone." He hopes you had a good day and everything. He's been worried about you. And... I don't know why I'm playing messenger. Both of you guys have phones. You should text him, Cas. He could use some... support. Don't tell him I said that.**

**D: i talk all the time. i just dont emote like the rest of you guys.**   
**C: Okay. I will text him then. Thank you, Maddie.**

She didn't bother responding, and Sam's phone started dinging, announcing he had messages. She got up, grabbing her bowl off the table. She had to pee. "Hey, Sam. I'm going to go, but listen, I'll be up tonight, so if you can't sleep you can come hang out if you want. Oh, by the way, do you want me to get the Green Mile for you?"  
  
"Yeah, that'd be great. Thanks, Maddie."

"You're welcome. I'll be right back with the book." She went and got it, gave it to him, then nearly ran to the bathroom. She stubbed the shit out of her toe on the door, but it was fine. God... She was in for another long night.  
  
  
  



	18. His Mission Didn't Exactly Include Stalking Sam Winchester

  
  
~Gabriel~  


He followed Maddie out of the room and laughed when she hit her toes and started cussing. He had hidden himself between planes and was just hanging out more or less. He did it too often for his liking but he couldn't seem to help it. Besides, with his new charge and everything, he was pretty much doing what he was supposed to. Granted, his mission didn't exactly include stalking Sam Winchester, but it was a happy coincidence. He was supposed to be watching(guarding) a Miss Madelynne L. Walker.

Luckily for him, they lived in the same place, so he could do both things at once. He simultaneously loved and hated this weird attraction to Samsquatch. Jeez. He rubbed his hand over his face and closed his eyes momentarily. He really thought about all of this way too much for his own good. He didn't even know why he liked Sam. He was tall and quiet, and sort of shy. The exact opposite of Gabriel. Maybe that's what it was. Gabriel usually spent his time with people similar to him. Looking for a good time, or trying to get something from them, or whatever.

Playing little power games, and trying to prove who was smarter. It was tiring, and boring. Sam was just... Sam. He was smart as hell, and his brain was always working. But it wasn't trying to figure out how to get one over on somebody, he was trying to help people. Barely even an instance after he thought it he was back in Sam's room. He was in so much pain. Gabriel wished it was the kind of pain he could heal, but it was beyond even an archangel. Sam was depressed and guilty and feeling absolutely terrible about himself. He could see Sam's soul and the large streak of near black running through it.

Self hate was bad for the soul. Bad for the mind and body. Sam was just sitting on his bed, staring off into space. Gabriel wrapped a wing around him without even thinking about it. He saw how Sam's soul shivered at the contact and flashed a bright deep pink for split second before returning to normal. Sam looked around, confused, then shook himself. Gabriel was barely even thinking about it when he stroked a primary over Sam's cheek. He closed his eyes and tilted his head slightly into the touch.

Happiness pinged through Gabriel before he could squelch it down into a more manageable emotion. At least he was helping. Sam opened his eyes suddenly and looked around the room. They lingered on the spot where Gabriel was standing for a moment longer than they should've. He wondered if Sam could sense him or something. He shouldn't be able to. Humans could feel the hidden touches, but Sam shouldn't be able to tell where he was in the room. Hmm. The thought was a bit disturbing. Sam sighed lightly and slid down in the bed, stretching his long body out. The sight made Gabriel's mouth dry, which was ridiculous.

He went to orgies, for Pete's sake, why in the world would this man stretching out on a bed, not even naked, have that effect on him? It was ridiculous. Gabriel smirked though, he couldn't resist a bit of fun. He stroked his primary over Sam's cheek then down his neck, where he pretty much tickled him with it. Sam made a soft noise then pressed his head into the pillow, baring his throat. Oh hell. Fuck. It's not like Sam knew what he was doing. Gabriel was more than a little curious to see where this would go. Sam was acting strange tonight. He never responded that much when Gabe touched him with his wings. Hmm.

Thinking about it, he softly dragged the tip of his longest feather against Sam's exposed collarbone and he gasped. Oh, now that was interesting. Okay, he had to try this. The idea had just flown into his head and he had to find out what Sam would do. He gently traced his feather up Sam's neck, then rubbed the very tip of it against Sam's lips, which dropped open with a gasp, and his eyes slipped shut. He rubbed it back the other way and Sam made a soft 'M' sound. Oh hell... Was this? Yep, it was. Wow... Gabriel was pretty much sexing this guy up with his wings, and he didn't even know about it.

That was beyond creepy, even for him. It didn't feel right doing it to Sam, even if it was fun. Sam opened his eyes and sat up slightly, looking around the room again. Gabriel noticed his heart was beating faster than it should, and his pupils were dilated. Shit. He hadn't meant to arouse Sam. Holy cotton candy, Sam was really starting to freak him out now. He was staring right at him with a look that suggested he was looking right through Gabriel into all the hidden parts and it was seriously giving him a case of the heebie-jeebies.

He needed to get out here, something weird was going on. As he usually did, he stroked his primary feather down Sam's face, temple to chin, a goodbye this time. Sam's eyes fluttered closed and he whispered a word that had Gabriel's heart constricting very painfully, and his mind kind of went blank. "Gabriel." Oh, holy mother of pistachio ice cream! Sam knew. Maybe. Possibly? Oh dear... Just then, Gabriel froze, quite literally. Sam was praying. To him. _(Gabriel, uh... archangel that killed my brother a few hundred times...)_ Gabe smirked, that had been amusing. _(Could you just, um... I'm probably really, really insane right now, but could you let me know if you're here because I swear to God I smell cotton candy right now. And... Weird, other things, but if it's not you, whatever, I'm crazy. But uh, if it is... Well...Yeah, sorry, never mind. Fuck. Sorry. Amen?)_ Gabriel almost laughed.

Wow. Sam was feeling very eloquent tonight. Should Gabriel answer? The answer to that was a definite no, but... Shit. Sam was doing the puppy dog eyes. Sam, who wasn't even sure if he was here, was doing the puppy eyes at him. Crap. It was too much, and he almost didn't have a choice in the decision. His wings shot out without his permission, and they wrapped around Sam, his primaries framing his face softly. Sam gasped and his eyes widened. "Gabriel?" Oh, he was going to regret this. He dragged a feather across Sam's cheek in the symbol of a check mark. It surprised Sam into a laugh, which had Gabe's heart doing a weird pitter-patter thing in his chest. "Okay, uh... Can I ask why?" Shit, shit, shit. Sam did NOT need to know that. Without even thinking about it, he used a shot of his Grace to text Sam's phone. It was just a simple word.

**G: Nope.**

Sam's face fell a bit and he looked back up at where Gabriel was still standing. "Kind of a dick move there, Gabe." Gabriel laughed. Wow. Okay, this was weird. He needed to get out of here before he did something stupid. Again. He sent Sam another text.

**G: Later, Sam-o. No questions. P.S. sorry.**

Gabriel wasn't even sure why he had added that last part. "Don't be. It helps." Sam looked vulnerable, and it was pulling at his heartstrings. For fudge's sake. He sent another text and trailed his feathers down Sam's face one last time, and with a flap of his wings, he was gone.

**G: Good. Adios, Sam.**

He flew off to locate Maddie again. He found her in the kitchen with a phone in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. He was surprised when his phone dinged informing him he had a message. He looked at it and was more surprised to see it was from Maddie.

**M: Hey, Gabriel.**

He arched an eyebrow. Interesting. Why would she be texting him right now?

**G: What's up, Bookworm?**

Maddie smirked at her phone and sat down when she saw his message, it made Gabriel smile.

 **M: Eh, nothing much. Sitting around mostly. How about you?**  
  
**G: Pretty much the same. Is there something you wanted to talk about?**

Maddie frowned at her phone and muttered, "Straight to the point then."

 **M: Can I talk to you about Sam?**  
  
**G: What about Samwell?**  
  
**M: He's.... not good. I was hanging out with him earlier, and he just... I don't know. He's depressed, and sad, and just full of... sorrow. I don't know how to help him. I was just wondering...?**  
  
**G: No.**

 **M: You don't even know what I was going to say!**  
  
**G: Did it perhaps involve me and Sam and a discussion of feelings, perhaps?**  
  
**M: ..... You know me better than I like, you know that?**  
  
**G: I figured. I'm not telling him, Maddie.**

 **M: Whhhyyyyy not?**  
  
**G: Because.  
**  
**M: Wow. That was very explanatory. Thank you for that in-depth explanation. I have no questions.  
**  
**G: Smart ass. He's a guy.  
**  
**M: You have a problem with that?**

 **G: No. He will.  
**  
**M: I call bullshit.  
**  
**G: And why is that exactly?  
**  
**M: Glory of empathic abilities, apparently. I know things. :D**

 **G: What do you know?  
**  
**M: Oh. I guess it doesn't really matter. You won't talk to him anyway.  
**  
**G: You're annoying.  
**  
**M: And adorable. And correct. Boom.  
**  
**G: Good sweet Pete in the sky, I am so done with this conversation.**

 **M** : **Hehe, bye Gabe! :)  
**  
**G: Smart ass.  
**  
**M: Always. :D**

Well... That sucked. Shit. With nothing better to do now, he just went back to Sam's room because fuck it. Hell. Maybe he should talk to him. He was laying there with his eyes closed, but it didn't take a genius to know he wasn't asleep. He'd been gone like not even five minutes. Gabriel grew bored quickly. No, that was a lie. He grew agitated. Maddie had planted a seed, and now he wanted to say something to Sam. But he also didn't. Shitake mushrooms. Saying fuck it, he just decided to text him again. He quite literally had nothing better to do, which was kind of sad.

**G: Sam?**

Sam opened his eyes and squinted at the phone. He smiled a little, then his face fell again. He turned and laid down on his back before beginning to pray. _(I thought you said no questions? And later. That wasn't very long.)_

**G: I had something to attend to.**

_(Nice avoidance of the question, Gabe.)_

**G: Fine. I did say no questions.**

_(Then why are you texting me?)_

**G: Technically that would qualify as a question, Sam-o. But I'll answer it this time. I'm mostly bored, but thanks to your in-house empath, I feel like I should talk to you.**

_(Maddie? You've been talking to Maddie about... me?)_

**G: Sort of? She mentioned it, in my defense.**

_("It" being what exactly?)_

**G: Ahh...**

_(Wow. Informative.)_

**G: Such a smart ass. Fine, about this, more or less.**

Gabriel stroked a feather down Sam's arm and he shivered.

_(You talked to Maddie about that?!)_

**G: No. Not specifically. I didn't even want to talk to you about it, Sam-o. What makes you think I'd go pouring out my heart to her?**

Sam froze on the bed, staring at his phone intently, and Gabriel realized what he'd said. Shit!

_(Your heart?)_

Shitshitshitshit. Fuck! He knew this was a bad idea. What was he supposed to say now? Maybe he should just leave. Go visit Fiji for a few decades or something, give the assignment to another angel or something. His phone received a text and he gasped when he read it. It was simple. And also terrifying.  
  
**God: No.**

 _(Thanks for the support, Dad.)_ He prayed and he felt God laughing at him. That was fantastic. Crap. So no leaving then. Then Sam started praying again, ( _You're freaking out, aren't you?)_  
  
**G: How do you know?**  
  
_(Cotton candy. Also, I'm pretty smart. It doesn't take a genius, you know.)_  
  
**G: I swear I'm not doing the cotton candy thing on purpose. I don't even know how that's happening right now.**  
  
_(Gabriel...What exactly is this? The touching thing.... what is that? Wow, that made me sound like a virgin.)_  
  
**G: Yes it did. Annnnnddddd..... It's my wings.**

Sam audibly gulped and looked around the room, settling on where Gabriel was standing again. Why does he keep doing that?! His phone got another text and this one made him laugh. Of course.

**God: You're welcome.**

So it was His doing, then. Figures, he thought with a smile. It wasn't very hard to figure out where Gabriel got his love of jokes from.

 _(Why?)_  
  
**G: Why what?**  
  
_(Why are you... I don't know, feeling me up with your wings or something? I don't know how to word it. Does it even have a word?)_  
  
**G: Not one in my vocabulary.**  
  
_(You're avoiding the question again.)_  
  
**G: Yeah, I know. It's working pretty well, too.**  
  
_(I guess that would depend on you define well, Gabe. You're kind of pissing me off.)_  
  
**G: Not exactly intentionally. Though it is slightly amusing.**  
  
_(Will you please just answer my question. Answer it or leave, Gabe, I'm serious. I'll ward my room.)_  
  
**G: Fine, fine, don't get your panties in a twist...**  
  
**G: It's an instinct, some of it. And the rest of it is just... me wanting to. So there. Happy, Samsquatch?**  
  
_(Not exactly. What kind of instinct exactly? And... you want to? I kind of have a hard time believing that, if you know what I mean.)_  
  
**G: Fuck. Look. I didn't ask for it, and I'm pretty sure this is my Dad's idea of some fun because He's laughing at me. It's a protective instinct. I can't help it. Half the time, I'm not even thinking about it. And yeah. I know. It's nuts, but whatever. Are we done now?**  
  
_(No. Why are you protective of me? And why do you want to?)_  
  
**G: Probably the same reason you lean into my wings when I do it. I don't know, Sam.**  
  
_(Bullshit. Show yourself, so we can talk for real. Seriously.)_  
  
**G: Somehow, that just doesn't seem like a good idea.**  
  
"And why not?" Sam said aloud, addressing the room.  
  
**G: Maybe I don't like the idea of getting bulldozed by the Jolly Green Giant.**

"Bulldozed...." Sam looked horrified, and it took Gabe a second but then he doubled over in laughter.

**G: It's not an innuendo! But talk about a Kodak moment! You should see your face!**

Gabriel was still laughing when Sam started talking to him again. Oh, that was hilarious. "You're an archangel, what the hell am I going to do? You're a foot shorter than me, yeah, but even I can't really hurt you. Quit giving BS excuses."

Jeez, he really was. And Sam had called him on it. Shit. Fine. Just fine. He stepped out from in between planes, and Sam gasped, looking up from the bed wanly. "Finally."  
  
Gabriel smirked. "Yeah, yeah. Now what? I answered all your questions, what's left?"  
  
Sam raised an eyebrow at him. "Seriously? You really don't know?"  
  
"Know what?"  
  
"Wow."  
  
"Now you're pissing me off. What?"

Sam stood, his tall figure cutting cleanly through the space.  
  
"For being so smart, you're kind of really stupid, Gabe. Did I look like I had a problem with earlier?" Gabriel froze. Where was this going?  
  
"No. Sam, what are you doing?" Sam was advancing closer, step by step, and Gabriel found himself unable to move. Literally. He couldn't even fly away. The only thing strong enough to suppress his Grace was... Dad. Fuck. Sam stopped right in front of him, his face wearing a weird look Gabriel didn't recognize.  
  
"You know, I don't really know. Just kind of going with it. I think I'm going to kiss you, Gabe." Oh, no. They did not need to do this, it would just make everything wor- His thoughts pretty much stopped when Sam bent down slowly, then caught his lips with his. Pure want surged through Gabriel and he found he could move. Using his archangel strength he back Sam up and pushed him against the wall, ravaging his mouth with his. Shit, this was so wrong. He wasn't supposed to be doing this to Sam. Fuck. Sam groaned as Gabriel licked his way into his mouth, and he could feel the lust running through Sam. Hell, it was for him too. This was so many levels of weird, but awesome. It was Gabriel's turn to moan when Sam sucked on his tongue, and grabbed fistfuls of his hair, pulling him closer. Need rose up in him. He'd been in this body for so long that it reacted almost exactly like a human's would, and he could feel himself getting hard. Fuck. They did not need to do that. With a gasp Gabriel pushed off Sam until he was standing in the middle of the room, panting. He ran a hand through his hair and exerted his Grace to keep Sam on the wall. He did not need him touching him right now. Fuck.  
  
"Gabe, let me move." Sam's big brown eyes were pleading with him, and he couldn't take it. "Shit. I'm sorry, Sam. Fuck." He let Sam drop off the wall, and with a single wing beat, he flew out of the room. Holy hell, what had he done?  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhanger. *Evil Laughter 
> 
> God/Chuck, probably just gonna call him Chuck, has taken an interest in Gabriel's love life. He's sort of playing matchmaker.


	19. I'm Sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Maddie is kinda effed up. Nothing uber-dramatic, yet, but she hasn't been sleeping, so we've got a very on edge Maddie, an upset human Cas, and a protective, worried Dean. Enjoy. And just so we all know, violence is not a coping mechanism.

  
~Maddie~  
  


Everyone else had gone to bed and she was alone again. She went to the kitchen for something to munch on and found the note on the refrigerator. Oh lordy. These guys...

_Oh my God, Maddie! Seriously? Suck it? You have no idea what you've done. ~Still Mr. Sexy_

_What is he supposed to be sucking? I don't understand. He refuses to explain it to me. ~Castiel, should I also have a title?_

She burst out laughing. Oh wow. She ripped off the page and wrote a new note.

_Oh, I totally know what I've done. I haven't laughed that hard in forever. Cas, why don't you ask Dean really nicely to demonstrate for you? Perhaps that would be a better explanation. P.S. Dean, don't kill me! P.S.S. Cas, don't let him kill me! And yes, Cas. You need a title. Don't be cocky like Dean though, and DON'T let him come up with it. Bad idea, promise. (No offense, Dean. :D) ~Maddie, Queen of Awesome Suggestions_

She grabbed a popsicle from the freezer and headed to the library to get a book. She laughed when she realized what she was about to do to the popsicle was quite similar to what she'd told Dean to do. That had her chuckling all the way through the hall. She began another long night of no sleep. Tomorrow was going to suck the big one. Like horse's ass big. Shit.

 

~Castiel~  
~September 19th~

 

He snuck down to the kitchen by himself this morning. Being with Dean was absolutely wonderful, and Castiel wouldn't trade it for the world, but he still didn't like being coddled like a child. He was capable of feeding himself. The kitchen was empty, but there was coffee hot in the pot, and the smell of eggs in the air. Probably, Maddie, he thought. She was the coffee addict among them. He was very confused by the note on the refrigerator. He didn't tear it off to write a reply yet though, Dean hadn't seen it. Instead of attempting to use the stove and burn the bunker down, he settled with a bowl of cereal. It was Reece's Puffs, and they were actually quite good, though the texture was odd. He wondered where everyone was. Up until very recently, he could've just exerted his Grace and known immediately, but now he would have to go about it the human, and annoyingly slow, way.

He knew Dean was in bed, he'd just come from there. Sam was as well, Castiel had heard him snoring as he walked by his bedroom. It was Maddie he was wondering about. He had the strangest feeling that she wasn't doing very well. She had seemed odd yesterday, tired, maybe. He wanted to talk to her. He just had to find her first, which might prove a chore. Oh! His phone. He could just ask her. The answer was so obvious he almost cursed. He pulled it out of his pocket and sent out a text to her as he ate his cereal.

**C: Good morning, Maddie.**

She responded almost instantly.

**M: If you say so. Morning, Cas. What's up?**

That was very unlike Maddie. She was normally very exuberant in the mornings, he'd noticed. Maybe something really was wrong.

 **C: I am eating cereal in the kitchen. Everyone else is asleep, but I assumed you were up because there is coffee in the pot. Has your morning not been good?**  
  
**M: You're by yourself? And yeah, it was me. And no. Not really at all. But it's fine. I'm glad you're having a good morning, Cas.**  
  
**C: Yes, I'm alone. I'm capable of feeding myself. It is not fine. Why has your morning been bad? Thank you.**  
  
**M: I'm sorry, Cas. I didn't mean it like that. I just thought you'd be spending all the time you could with Dean, is all. I was surprised. I'm sorry I upset you. And it's probably best we don't talk about it. You're welcome.**

 **C: I'm not upset. Thank you for apologizing though. Why is it best we don't discuss it?**  
  
**M: Because I don't want to upset you any more than I have. All I need is Dean getting pissed off at me because I screwed up the honeymoon phase or something.**  
  
**C: I'm not upset. I don't understand. Dean and I are not married. Honeymoon phase?**  
  
**M: The early (usually calm and harmonious) period of a relationship, Cas. I am so not screwing that up for you guys.**  
  
**C: I don't understand how talking about your morning would upset our relationship. My emotions are not quite that precarious, I assure you.**

 **M: Sorry, Cas. It's really just better I don't explain, I promise.**  
  
**C: Maddie, you're worrying me. Are you okay?**  
  
**M: I'm sorry, Cas. Really sorry. I need to go. I'll talk to you later, okay? Please don't be upset. I'm fine. I'll text you later, I promise.**

 **C: Maddie, why don't you want to talk to me? Has so much really changed? I know I'm human now, but you said nothing would change between us.**  
  
**M: Oh my word, I just keep making this worse. Nothing's changed, Cas, I promise! We're still friends, and close, and everything, and I'm sorry. I'm coming up, okay? I'll be there in just a second.**  
  
**C: I will be here at the table.**

Maddie was panting when she reached the kitchen doorway, and Castiel was shocked. She looked absolutely exhausted. Dark rings under her eyes, her skin was very pale, her eyes looked almost haunted. "Cas..." She struggled to speak, looking very worried. Castiel was growing very worried himself. What was wrong with Maddie? "I am so sorry, Cas. That's not what I meant by that at all. We're fine. Nothing's changed, I promise. It's just personal, and I don't want to be unloading all my problems on you guys right now. I'm not trying to hurt you, and I'm really really sorry if I am. Please don't hold it against me, I'm really trying to help. I know you want to understand, but I just can't tell you. It would be so very wrong of me to do that. Please don't worry about me, I'm okay, really. I'm so sorry, Cas. I gotta go. Please don't worry!"  
  
And just like that, she was gone before Castiel had a chance to say anything. He wrapped his arms around himself and tried to calm down. This was upsetting.

 

~Dean~

 

He woke up with his phone blaring, and his first emotion was panic. Where the hell was Cas? He wasn't in bed with him. He was gone. And his phone was still going off. It was Maddie calling him. He answered it immediately. "What is it, is something wrong?" Maddie's voice was urgent and sounded almost tearful. "I'm so sorry, Dean. Cas is fine, but you need to go check on him, I think I just screwed up royally, and I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. Fuck, Cas is-" He interrupted her, his voice rough. "Maddie, what happened?" Dean was already throwing on his clothes. "Where is Cas?"

"He's in the kitchen. I'm just afraid I've upset him, and I'm just trying to help, and I'm sorry, Dean, really. Don't hate me." And she hung up. Dean jogged for the kitchen, wondering why the hell Cas had left the bed in the first place. What had Maddie said to him? He found Cas sitting at the table, staring dejectedly at the wood, looking for all the world like he'd lost his best friend. Dean went to him and put a hand on his shoulder. "What is it, Cas? What happened? Are you okay?" Cas stood up and hugged Dean tightly.

"I'm alright, I think. Maddie is just very confusing, and upsetting. She's assured me nothing has changed between us, but she refuses to talk to me, and she tells me it's because she doesn't want to ruin our honeymoon phase. Something is wrong with her Dean, and she won't tell me. I'm worried and scared. She said nothing would change if I became human, but it appears that is not the case. Could you talk to her? Please?" Cas pulled back and his deep blue eyes were staring into him pleadingly, and how could he resist. His will crumpled like wet paper. "Sure, Cas. Are you going to be okay?" Dean let his hands fall to Cas's hips. "Yes, Dean. I will be fine. I'm just very worried. Something is wrong with her."

"Yeah, I noticed she looked a little off yesterday. I'll go talk to her, okay? Right now if you want."  
  
"Please? She seemed very upset." He kissed Cas softly, soothing him. "Okay. I'll go find her and figure out what's going on, okay? You'll be alright?"  
  
"Yes. Please just go make sure she's okay."

"Okay, Cas. I'll be back." Dean regretfully left the kitchen and went off to find Maddie. He had a feeling he knew where she was. He was pleased to see he was right, and then extremely worried. Maddie was in her bedroom, in the closet it sounded like, sobbing. He walked further into the room and he heard a mantra of, 'God, so stupids' and 'Can't believe I fucking did thats'. This was encouraging. Feeling like a bit of a moron, he knocked on the closet door. "Maddie, what's wrong?" Silence from the closet. Then, "Go away, Dean. Please." Dean said fuck it and settled himself down on the floor, leaning against her bed. "Nah, kiddo, I don't think so. What is it?"  
"Is Cas okay?"

"Other than the fact that he's worried to death about you, and scared that you don't want to talk to him anymore because he's human, yeah. He's fine." He heard the quiet crying resume. "Fuck, I'm so stupid. I'm sorry. I was trying hard not to worry him, or upset him, and as usual, I completely fucked it up."

"Maddie, he's just worried about what's wrong with you. Hell, I am too. What's going on with you?"  
  
"It's nothing Dean, don't worry about it."

"The girl crying in the closet tells me not to worry about her. Hmm... I don't know if I can do that."  
  
"Please, Dean. Please just drop it. It's for y'alls sake. Just go be happy with Cas. I can't fuck that up, I won't."  
  
"Literally the only way you're fucking it up is by not telling us what's wrong."  
  
"I know! If you would just go, it'd be fine. Stop worrying about me. I'm fine, I promise."  
  
"In that case, your promises don't mean shit."

"Fuck you." Her response was tired and resigned. "I'm not trying to hurt anybody. I'm trying to do the opposite, but you won't let me. Why won't you let me? You're making it so much harder, dammit."  
  
"Making what harder, Maddie? What the fuck is going on?"

"I can't Dean! Would you just drop it already, please! Quit making me ruin everything for you. Dammit. Just go be happy." There was a scrambling from the closet, and then the door was slamming open and Maddie was running down the hallway. He got up and ran after her, but by the time he found her, he was standing outside the bathroom and the water in the shower was running. Maybe she needed to calm down or something. Either way, he was not going in there while she was naked. That'd just be bad. He went to find Cas and disappoint him, sadly. Cas really didn't cheer up the whole day, and it was driving Dean nuts. He just wanted to help Cas, but he couldn't do that without helping Maddie, so leaving Cas in the bedroom he went off to find her. It was about two in the afternoon, and he hadn't seen her at all since this morning. He knew she had a thing for the training room, so he went there first.

He opened the door, the lights were off. "Maddie?" He said. There was a soft sound from the corner. He flipped on the lights, and his heart began to hurt from the scene. Maddie was curled into the far corner of the room, she was squeezed into a little ball on her side, and she was whimpering in her sleep. Dean immediately went to her, very concerned. He dropped to his knees beside her and assessed her carefully. She had purple rings of exhaustion under her eyes, and her hair had been wet, he could tell, then dried into crazy curls. He was guessing she hadn't been sleeping and had come in here to either exhaust or distract herself.

He wished she had come to him. He had been with Cas, but it still would've been okay. But he knew she would've viewed it as interrupting, and rude or something. Her hands were bruised all to hell and had dried blood on them in places. She must've been beating the hell out of the punching bag. She gave a little choked off whimper and jerked in her sleep and it reminded him of the situation. He put a hand on her shoulder and she woke immediately, her eyes flying open and she flinched. "Maddie, it's okay. It's me."

"Oh, Dean." She sat up and threw her arms around him, she was trembling violently. "What is it, Maddie, what's wrong?" She whimpered into his neck. "Nightmares. Every goddamn time I go to sleep by myself. Exhausting myself isn't working anymore, it just means I don't wake up when I get so scared. I c-can't, Dean. It's too m-much." He held her tightly, his heart aching in sympathy. He knew how that felt. This was another similarity they shared. "Come on sweetheart, come with me. I've got you." The endearment rolled off of his tongue easily, he hadn't even thought about it.

He colored slightly when he realized, but it didn't matter. He lifted her easily like he always carried her. She buried her face in the crook of his neck and wrapped her arms around his neck tightly. She was still shaking when he got to his room. He knocked on the door with his foot, hoping Cas would understand and open it. He did, and his face grew immediately worried when he saw Maddie in his arms. "Is she hurt? What's wrong?"

Dean walked over to the bed and sat down on it, still holding Maddie to him. "Just relax, Maddie, you're alright." She whimpered into him, pleading. "Oh, Dean. No. I can't. Cas is human now. I don't want to be around him like this. It'll hurt him. Please. I don't want to hurt him. It's too much. I can't. I don't want to ruin this for you guys. Please." Dean shot Cas a pleading look, and Cas understood. He shut the door and hurried to the bed. He climbed onto the other side and sat next to Dean.

He laid a hand on her shoulder, and Dean felt Maddie jerk. "Oh, no. It's okay, Maddie. I'm fine. Don't worry about me." Dean could tell Cas was sort of lying, he could see tears standing in his eyes. Dean knew him well enough to know what was setting him off. He was worried about Maddie and overwhelmed with how much Maddie cared about him, and was thinking about his feelings even in the midst of her break down if that's what it was. "Cas, I'm so sorry. N-not trying to take Dean away f-from you. You need him now, and I-"

"Hush," Cas said to her, rubbing her back with his hand, she was still trembling. "You're doing no such thing. Please stop worrying. It's okay, Maddie. Can you tell us what's wrong?" Maddie exhaled a deep breath into Dean's shirt and started her story. "I- I haven't been sleeping. I haven't slept since the night you and I slept together, Dean. I knew I'd have nightmares, so I stayed up. I wasn't going to come bother you guys with it. You need him, Cas, and I knew it, and I'd've just been intruding. Can't do that to you guys. I went to the training room earlier, and I - for hours - the punching bag. I finally fell asleep, I couldn't take it anymore. But it didn't help... I- I just-" She started crying, and Dean realized she was absolutely exhausted.

"It didn't help. I was so tired that all I did was kept myself asleep through my nightmare. No matter how scared I got I couldn't wake up. I couldn't wake up." Oh, God. This poor girl. Cas had tears on his cheeks, and Dean really did wonder if this was too much for him, he wasn't used to human emotions, and would get overwhelmed at everything, but he knew Cas would refuse any attempt to get him to leave. Besides, Dean wanted him here with him too. "Maddie, you need to sleep. You're exhausted." She shook her head immediately. "I can't, Dean. I can't." He hugged her tighter. "Yes, you can. You don't get nightmares when you sleep with me, right?"

In a small voice, she admitted, "N-no."  
  
"Alright then, that's settled."  
  
"W-what are you talking about?"  
  
"We're going to lay down, and you're going to sleep."

"D-Dean, no. I don't w-want- can't hurt C-Cas - You and Cas-" She couldn't seem to get it out, but he understood. Cas beat him to the punch, however. "Maddie, it's okay. I care about you too, you know. I will stay as well. We'll keep the nightmares away, I swear. It's okay." She shuddered at his words, but Dean thought it might be a good shudder this time. Gently he turned his body and began to lay down, with her still in his arms. Luckily the blanket was down at the edge of the bed, and Cas grabbed it and pulled it up over them as he laid down behind Maddie. She was sandwiched between them.

She was whimpering slightly into the hollow of his throat, and she was laying on her left side, pressed into him. He shot a look at Cas, who understood and scooted up behind her until he was touching her too. Cas pulled the blanket up around their shoulders, and then seemed unsure of where to put his hand. Maddie reached out blindly with her right hand, grappling, and Cas seemed to understand and he took it in his. She pulled his arm over her, and now the back of Cas's hand was actually touching Dean. Her left hand was fisted into the collar of his shirt, but he didn't care. He draped his left arm over the both of them, and Maddie shuddered slightly. He could feel wetness against his throat and he wondered what kind of fucking horrible nightmares she had. They had to be awful for her to be like this.

Cas surprised him by nuzzling his face into her hair and murmuring, "It's okay, Maddie. Sleep. We'll protect you. You can trust us."  
"T-th-thank you, Cas. S-so sorry about this."

"Hush, you have nothing to be sorry for. Please, just let us help you." She made a soft noise, and Dean felt her body, which had been as stiff as board, relax against them. She was giving in. Good. He moved his head slightly and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "He's right, Maddie. Sleep, sweetheart. You need to sleep." The soft reply almost broke him, and Cas seemed to feel the same, his eyes started shining with moisture again. "I-I love you guys. Thank you so m-much... for understanding." Moving in tandem, they both pressed themselves closer and kissed Maddie's hair. She made a soft noise and settled between them, allowing herself to relax into the warmth.

She was still shaking slightly but as the next few minutes passed it slowed, and eventually she was still. Dean looked over at Cas nearly the whole time, as Maddie slowly fell asleep between them. Her breaths evened out and became slow and soft against his skin. He was glad for it. God, she was so vulnerable. It killed him. Dean looked at Cas with a question in his eyes, looking obviously at where Cas had the bottom half of his face nestled into her hair. He moved slightly and mouthed, 'I love her too.' Dean cocked an eyebrow at him. 'Too?' Cas just gave him a flat look, and Dean smiled.

Cas was too smart for Dean's own good sometimes. He knew what was going on with Dean. 'Sleep, Cas?' Cas nodded gratefully and settled into the pillows and Maddie's hair. Dean allowed himself to do the same. He wasn't exactly tired, but he'd be lying if he said he wasn't enjoying the hell out of this, despite Maddie's plight. It felt all kinds of right and good and amazing. And it seemed like the feelings were mutual for everyone. He waited until Cas closed his eyes before he closed his own. God, this felt good. He never would've imagined he could feel this good.  
  



	20. It Makes Sense That You Sleep With Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MaDestiel fluff(?) I guess. And Cas and Dean are both sweethearts in this chapter, like seriously. No dirty thoughts about my title to this chapter! Lol. Though that's totally what it sounds like. :D

~Maddie~

 

There was soft breathing on either side of her when she woke up. Surprisingly it didn't freak her out. She was so warm and relaxed, she felt like she was still asleep. Soft breath was puffing onto the back of her neck, tickling slightly, and she realized belatedly that it was Cas. She was sleeping in between Dean and Cas. They both had their faces pressed into her hair and she had to repress the urge to giggle like an idiot. Was the smell of strawberries intoxicating to a man or something? Cas and Dean both still had their arms around her, and they were both pressed so close to her that she couldn't really move at all without waking them both up. She didn't mind, honestly. She loved both these guys. She sighed when she remembered that she had said that right before she fell asleep. Shit.

She wondered how Dean was taking that. She hadn't really meant to say it, but it had been the truth, all the same. She flushed in shame when she remembered how she had fallen apart. She'd barely been coherent when Dean brought her in here. She hadn't slept long at all in the training room, she knew. She couldn't have. She'd worked in there for hours and hours, pushing her body way past its limit. She shouldn't have done that, but she didn't know what else to do. She couldn't handle the nightmares. They were so bad... She shuddered unconsciously and both guys moved slightly in their sleep, pressing closer to her. She was thankful for their presence. Sleep was complicated for her, and she rarely got enough of it. She was used to it more or less, but it still sucked almighty balls. She realized she was still totally freaking exhausted, and she promptly cuddled into her pillow, Dean, and Cas, and closed her eyes again. She was asleep within seconds, it seemed.

 

~Castiel~

 

When he woke up, Castiel was very surprised at how comfortable he was. Waking up from sleeping was really disconcerting for him, and probably would be for a while, but when he realized he was still cuddled into Maddie and Dean's arm was still around him it soothed all the panic that had begun to shoot through his system. He smelled strawberries. Why would he smell strawberries? Oh. Castiel had the lower part of his face pressed into Maddie's hair. He wasn't entirely sure how he felt about it, his emotions were haywire, and he would have a hard time dealing with them for a long time, he knew. He was having a hard time identifying them all anyhow, so he gave up and just enjoyed the feeling of warmth and love emanating from them all.

He soaked it up in such a way that he felt like a sponge. Poor Maddie. She was so vulnerable, and yet so strong at the same time. She had refused to come to Dean for help out of kindness for Castiel's newfound humanness. She could not continue to do that. Obviously, it was not healthy for her. Castiel did not mind having her here with him and Dean, in fact, it was very nice. He loved her too. Perhaps just as much as he loved Dean, but Castiel was not sure there was a way to measure such a thing. It didn't matter anyhow. He loved them both, and lying in bed with both of them was quite pleasant, regardless of the reason. He wondered what time it was, but decided quickly that it did not matter. Maddie moved between them and she squeezed his hand and brought it up closer to her chest, rather than across her waist where it had been lying.

Despite the odd angle, she still managed to have her fingers intertwined with his. Their hands were lying right under her chin, and he could feel her soft breaths puff against the back of his hand. His knuckles were actually skimming her chin. He was very distracted by the odd, tickling feeling of it for a few moments. When he looked up from their hands he found intensely soft green eyes looking at him from the other side of Maddie. Dean was awake. An intense feeling of love washed through Castiel, causing him to shiver involuntarily. Maddie made a soft noise and turned onto her back.

She stretched slightly, her body tensing then relaxing. Both he and Dean were looking down at her when, after a few moments, she opened her soft grey eyes. Her eyes cut left and right, then she started giggling. Castiel was confused. What was funny? Castiel looked at Dean hoping to get an answer to his question, but his heart nearly melted when he saw how Dean was looking at her. His mouth was wearing a soft, adoring smile and he was looking down at her happily. His hunter was smitten, whether or not he wanted to admit it. Castiel knew because Dean looked at him that way. Surprisingly, Castiel didn't feel jealous, only happy. It was nice.

Maddie got her giggling under control, but she was still smiling, and her mouth was twitching. "You guys are kinda creepy, staring at me like that." She whispered then started laughing again, she couldn't seem to contain herself. Dean started chuckling too and the mixture of sounds sent pleasant waves of joy through him, and Castiel started laughing too. He supposed it was kind of creepy to wake up being stared at. When the laughter finally died they just laid there, none of them really knowing what to say. Castiel squeezed her hand unconsciously and she winced and inhaled a sharp breath audibly.

Castiel immediately released her hand. Dean reached a hand behind him and turned on the touch lamp, illuminating the room in light. Dean grabbed her wrist and pulled it up for them to see her hand. Oh goodness. All four of her knuckles were bloody, and her fingers were almost solidly purple and blue, her hand was swollen dramatically. "Oh, sweetheart," Dean said, his voice thick, whether with sleep or emotion, Castiel couldn't tell. Her hand started shaking and she whispered, "I'm sorry."  
"Why are you apologizing?" Castiel asked softly.

"For being so..." She shrugged, unable to find the words, but Castiel thought he understood. He grasped her wrist softly, pulling it from Dean's grasp and he brought it up to his lips where he kissed the abused skin softly. Her eyes widened incrementally. "You're sleeping with us from now on, Maddie." Immediately she shook her head. "No, I can't do that. You guys are a couple, that would just be wro-"  
  
"If you say wrong I will tickle you, Maddie. That's actually not a bad idea."

Maddie looked at him pleadingly, "I don't want to do that to you guys. I'd be an interloper, you guys need-"

"You to be safe, and actually sleep." Dean interrupted her with a stern look. "Dean." Her voice was low and pleading. "Maddie." His voice was soft. "Why is it so hard for you to accept help when you know you need it?" She winced slightly and closed her eyes. "Maddie," Castiel spoke after a moment, "Do you remember what you told me when I collapsed on the floor that night? You asked me how I could ever think you two would be happy knowing I was hurting. We could not be happy, knowing you were hurting, Maddie." Her eyes were wide and wet when she looked at him. "It's not the same, Cas. You know that."

"Do I?" He countered. "You cannot sleep without Dean. I sleep with Dean. It makes sense that you sleep with us."  
  
"Why do you make everything sound so freaking simple?"

"Perhaps it's only because you make everything inordinately difficult. Much like someone else I know." Cas looked up at Dean, who stuck his tongue out at him, causing Castiel to smile. "Guys... How do you not get this? I'd be intrud-" Dean put his hand over her mouth. Her eyes went wide and she looked up at him. "Will you just accept it? Not happening sister. We're not going to be able to sleep anyway, knowing you're either one door down having nightmares, or in the training room beating the shit out of a punching bag to the point that I'm pretty sure you broke your hand. Seriously. Accept it."

She sighed deeply and closed her eyes for a moment. Castiel saw her jaw move but was unsure of what happened till Dean laughed and jerked his hand away. "What are you five? Did you just lick my hand?" He was laughing. "Got you to move it didn't it?" Dean nodded his agreement, still chuckling at her antics. Maddie looked back and forth between them uncertainly. "I don't know if... I mean... It just feels wrong, okay?"

"Why, Maddie?" Castiel asked.  
  
"Because... I don't even know. I can't explain this. I just don't want to be intruding. You guys are a couple."

"It's not like we're going to be having sex with you laying beside us or something." Castiel and Maddie both gasped and this time it was Castiel's turn to put his hand over Dean's mouth who was looking at them with bemused eyes. "EhMmm." Maddie cleared her throat, and Castiel quickly pulled his hand away from Dean's mouth, realizing he had just laid his arm across her face. Dean started outright laughing. His laughter was infectious, and Castiel and Maddie both started laughing too. When the laughter finally died, Castiel decided he needed to say this.

He bent his head down and began to whisper in Maddie's ear, so Dean couldn't hear. He wasn't sure how Dean would take it, so he just told Maddie. "We may be a couple, but you two are in love, too. You should be together as well. Be happy." Castiel used her own words against her and pulled back. Maddie's eyes were wide with fear for some reason. Dean was looking between them suspiciously. "Please?" Castiel said. Maddie looked into his pleading blue eyes for a moment before closing her own, and sighing deeply, slumping into her pillow, finally relenting. "Fine. You guys win." Dean looked up at him in surprise. "What did you say to her?"

"He was playing dirty, Dean. Don't worry about it." She said thickly, with her eyes still closed. "Are you guys sure?" Dean sat up on his elbow and looked down at her. Eventually, she opened her eyes and looked at him. "Quit being an idiot." He said softly and pressed a kiss to her forehead. Dean pulled away, "Of course we're sure. No more hurting yourself." He grabbed her wrist and examined her hand again. Repeating the move Castiel had made he pressed a soft kiss to the broken skin. Maddie looked overwhelmed with emotion, and she was blushing. Castiel found he was too, which was odd. He wondered why. Dean looked between them with some amusement. "I'm hungry. Is it just me?" Castiel shook his head. "No. I'm hungry too."

"I'm not really. Honestly, I could totally take another nap." Maddie said. "What time is it?" Dean checked his phone and announced, "It's about eight thirty. We've only been out for like six hours or so. You need to sleep. Oh, this is perfect. Cas, you stay here with her." Maddie looked up at him in horror. "No, he doesn't have to do that. He shouldn't. I'll be okay." Castiel put a hand on her shoulder because she was trying to raise up. He pushed her gently back down to the bed and laid his face right next to hers.

"Will you please stop that? I want to help you. I love you, Maddie. Quit refusing my assistance. Besides, who said I wanted to get out of bed just for food? Dean's been trying to get me to let him make me breakfast in bed since I became human. He can settle for dinner in bed, okay? I'll stay here with you, and you can sleep. Would you like some food?" Maddie's eyes were huge, looking over at him like he was something amazing. "Thank you, Cas." She said softly.

Dean said, "Okay, food time. You guys stay here. Maddie, I'm making you a plate anyway just in case. I'll be back. Don't move." Dean got up and left the room, closing the door behind him, leaving them in the soft light of the lamp. When he looked over at Maddie she was still staring at him. "What is it?" He asked.

She pulled him in for a hug and whispered into his skin. "I love you too, Cas. Thank you so much for understanding and not being mad. I'm so sorry about taking Dean away from you-" He ran his hand through her hair, he didn't know why really, but it felt right. "No, Maddie. You're not taking Dean away from me. You're just giving me something more. That's all." He hugged her close to his chest, and they didn't let go. "You're too good to me, Cas." She whispered, barely audible. "There's no such thing," He said firmly. "You deserve every happiness, and you won't convince me otherwise. Rest, Maddie. You need to sleep. I'll keep you safe."

"Thank you, Cas." She said softly. It sounded as if she was already mostly asleep. He just wrapped his arms around her tighter and buried his face in her hair. He thought over the words he had mouthed to Dean. I love her too. But how much? Does he love her like he does Dean? Castiel's beginning to suspect he does. He's beginning to suspect that he loves her just like he loves Dean. That he wants to spend the rest of his life waking up next to her. Oh boy. This is overwhelming but so perfect. He can't wait to tell Dean.

He can only hope he won't view it as violating their agreement or something of the sort. The thought frightens him, but Castiel could never keep it from Dean. He wouldn't. They've been through too much for that. When Dean came back in he was balancing a tray carrying two plates, and he had one in his other hand. Castiel had no idea how he had opened the door but it didn't matter. Dean kicked it shut softly and came over to the bed. He sat the plate in his hand down on the nightstand, then sat the tray on the floor.

He sat on the bed careful not to jostle it too much, then picked up a plate from the tray. Castiel was delighted to see that he had made breakfast foods. Eggs, bacon, and toast. His stomach grumbled in anticipation, making Dean smile. How was Castiel going to eat this though? If he sat up, Maddie would most likely wake up and he didn't want to do that. Dean solved the problem by poking a piece of egg with the fork, then bringing it to Castiel's mouth. He smiled, then closed his lips around the food, Dean watching with interest. Dean would alternate between pieces of bacon, then toast, and eggs again. It was all delicious, and Castiel was thankful he had let Dean do it.

Thankful that Maddie had come to them, so he had been put in the situation. Speaking of which... He moved his right hand up from her hip carefully, then grabbed his phone out of his pocket. He started to text Dean. He needed to tell him what had happened, but he didn't want to wake Maddie up, she needed to rest. He turned his phone on silent just in case Dean texted him back and began to type.

**C: Dean, I have realized something, and I hope you won't be upset. I care for Maddie, in the same way, I do you. I want to wake up and go to sleep next to both of you. Spend our days together. I love her Dean. Just like I love you. I'm sorry if this is upsetting. Truly.**

He looked up at Dean when he pulled out his phone and watched his face for a reaction. When Dean's whole face lit up like a Christmas tree Castiel's heart started beating wildly. Dean started typing like a madman.

 **D: cas! thats like the best news ever! now as long as maddies cool with it i get both of you and i dont have to worry about it being awkward for you guys. we need to talk to her but im super excited right now anyway. no im not frikken mad are you crazy? this is awesome!  
**  
**C: You really think so? Are you serious?  
**  
**D: uh duh. u think id lie to you cas? dont be stupid. i love you, but you are a dipstick sometimes**

He looked over at Dean, and he was smiling fondly at Castiel, who had to smile back. It almost wasn't even a choice. He felt so amazing right now. Possibly the best he'd felt since he became human. He never wanted it to end.  


~Dean~  


Minus one visit to the bathroom, Maddie slept for eighteen hours straight. He and Cas worked it to where at least one of them was in the bedroom with her at all times. It worked, she didn't have any nightmares, and there were more than a few times that Dean had to check on her to make sure she was actually breathing. Each time he did it it was like having a mini heart attack or something. Dean was with her when she woke up, it was just him. Cas was in the kitchen eating a sandwich, talking with Sam.

He was sitting next to her on the bed, scrolling through old messages when she turned over on her side and grasped onto his thigh. He gasped. Okay, this was.... interesting. She pressed her face into the denim, making a soft sound. Then she screeched and turned over on the bed, throwing her face into a pillow, muffling her laughter. Dean had a small smile watching her be ridiculous. "I can't believe I just did that. Sorry" Her words were barely understandable through the pillow, but he managed. "It's cool. How're you feeling?"

She turned onto her back and stretched, her back arching up of the bed and making his mouth go dry. "Fucking amazing. I haven't slept that much since like the fifth grade. Oh, God. I feel like melted butter." They laughed. "Hey, Maddie. I've got a question for you."

"I've got an answer." She closed her eyes and leaned back into the pillows, waiting. "What do you feel for Cas?" She tensed slightly. "Why?"  
  
"Please, just tell me. I'm not judging, I swear." She sighed deeply. "I love him. You know that."  
  
"I know. But I mean... What kind of love is it? Friendship love, or...."

"Couple love?"  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"I find it impossible to lie to you, Dean Winchester. You're going to hate me. Why do you do this to me? Door number two, please. It just kind of happened." She sighed deeply and seemingly braced herself for angry words. Dean didn't have any though. He was too frikken happy. Without even thinking about it he hauled her up into him and kissed her. She made a shocked sound, and her hands were scrabbling at his chest.

"Dean! What is this? What're you-" He grabbed her face in between his hands and kissed her softly before pulling back to look her in the eye. "You have no idea how freaking happy I am right now." Maddie looked down at where he had pulled her into his lap. "I think maybe I do. What's this about Dean?"

"Cas needs to tell you. You need to tell Cas. Then we have to talk. I've never been this excited about talking ever."  
  
"Yeah... I can see that. But why? I thought you'd be mad."  
  
"Nope. Definitely not mad. I have another question for you."  
  
"Oh boy, I'm all ashiver in anticipation."

"Smart ass." He smirked. "How do you feel about me?" She paled and leaned away from him, her eyes wide with fear. "Dean, I-"  
  
"Okay, how about this then. Do you want more? More of this?" He leaned in slowly, then captured her lips with his. They were sweet and soft and tasted amazing. He licked his way into her mouth and she moaned lightly. It was languid, and sensual, the gradual gliding of tongues meaning more than just pleasure. It was emotions. Maddie gasped when he pulled away. "Do you want more with me?" He asked again.

She closed her eyes and looked like she was trying not to smile. She leaned in and pressed her lips to his throat, resting her head in the crook of his shoulder. "I want more. Hearts and flowers, Mr. Grey." That was weird. She seemed to sense his confusion because she laughed. "I take it you've never read the Fifty Shades of Grey series, huh?"  
  
"Uh, no."  
  
"Well, if you ever do, we can have an interesting discussion then."  
  
"What's that mean?"

"You'll see." And he gasped when Maddie's teeth scraped across his throat in a gentle bite. He groaned and pulled her back up so he could ravage her mouth. She made a needy little whimper, then her hands were in his hair, pulling, tugging, trying to get him closer. And that's when the door opened. Cas walked in and stopped when he saw them on the bed. He looked shocked for a moment, then he smiled. "Would you like me to give you some privacy?" Maddie groaned. "Oh my God... Is it possible to die of embarrassment? I think I'm about to find out." Cas and Dean both laughed, and Dean gestured for him to come into the room, shutting the door behind him.

Cas settled on the bed beside them, looking bemused that Maddie was still sitting in his lap. She didn't look like she was moving anytime soon though, her cheeks were flaming red, and she was hiding it in the crook of his neck. "Maddie, I need to speak with you," Cas said softly, and Maddie tensed. "Am I in trouble for this?" Cas huffed a small laugh. "Of course not. But I need to tell you something." She raised her head slowly and looked at him. "What?" Her voice was unsure and slightly scared. "I love you, Maddie." She was clearly confused. "I know, Cas. I love you too." He shook his head at her.

"No, I mean I love you like I love Dean." Maddie's eyes widened incrementally, and she breathed a soft 'oh'. She looked back at Dean in near outrage. "That's why you were asking, huh? You sneaky bastard." She was laughing though when she slapped him lightly on the chest. "What exactly were you asking, Dean?" Cas's voice held a hint of warning, but Dean laughed it off. "Cas, she's the same way. Just in case you wondering or anything." Dean said seriously, and Cas's eyes grew wide, looking at Maddie. "Really?" He breathed. She nodded back at him."Really, really."  
  
"Alright, Shrek." Dean laughed.  
  
  



	21. Oh My Sweet Ice Cream on Cake, That Was Fucking Awesome

~Gabriel~  


Fuck. Why had he done that? Why had he let Sam kiss him? He wanted more of it, but dammit, no. They couldn't do that. If it was casual sex, Gabriel wouldn't care. He'd happily play bottom or top for Sam Winchester, but that was kind of the problem. He'd do a lot of things for that guy that he normally would never do for anyone else. He didn't love him exactly, that wasn't the word. But he could. Gabriel guessed that was as close to a definition he was going to get. It was like he was standing at the edge of a cliff, just waiting for a strong wind to come and push him over, and with this, he wouldn't have his wings to keep him aloft.

He could love Samsquatch, but he didn't want to. Well, partially. Gabriel knew he was lonely, and he hadn't actually connected with anyone, like ever. There was too much trust and vulnerability there. He couldn't do it. But he wanted to. And Sam freaking Winchester made him want to. And now they had kissed, and dammit, that sucked, because now Gabriel knew what it was like. Now he knew how Sam tasted, and he wanted more of it, and he might just actually die from this. He tasted like chocolate, and pine, and musk that was all just pure man, and pure Sam. Fuck. He rubbed the heels of his hands against his closed eyes. Oh man, what had he gotten himself into? He couldn't do this. He really couldn't. It would just end badly. And that's when he heard Sam's prayer.

_(Gabriel, please come back so we can talk about this. I want to understand. Please, Gabriel? Come back. Talk to me. You didn't have to leave. Will you come back and talk to me? Text me or something. Please.)_

Dammit. Just dammit. Gabriel couldn't think with that in his head. Sam had sounded so pleading, and vulnerable, and fuck, Gabriel had screwed up bad. Sam was in the midst of being all depressed and feeling shitty, and here Gabe was about to make it worse. He couldn't talk to him. He really couldn't. He couldn't let himself get close to Sam, he'd just hurt him. Gabriel was not willing to open himself up to anyone, and Sam was one of those guys that would want that. That would need it. Gabriel couldn't give that to him. He couldn't. Could he? His phone dinged, signaling a text. It was from Dad. He was being unusually communicative lately.

The message was terrifying.

**God: You can. You will.**

Oh... Shit.

 

~Dean~

 

It was about six thirty in the evening, so Dean decided to make some sort of dinner food. He decided on hamburgers and started getting the ingredients all together. Maddie and Cas sat at the kitchen table behind him and were talking. "So guys, I have some big news, sorta," Maddie announced. "What's up, Mads?" Dean asked without turning around. "Well, apparently I'm not just a Seer." That caught Dean's attention and he turned around and looked at her. "What do you mean?"

"Gabriel. He told me I'm a Seer, a Sensitive, and an Indigo Child. I read people's emotional landscapes, I sense what they're feeling. I'm empathic. He told me I was extremely powerful, and he wants to train me how to use my gift. I want him to, it'd be very helpful on hunts and stuff. I'd be able to tell when someone was lying. Are you guys okay with letting him teach me? I really want him to."

Wow, that was a lot of information to process. "He wants to train you?" Dean finally spoke. "Yeah. He's already helped me, the other day. And if it helps, he let me read him, and I didn't get any sense of him being dishonest or having ulterior motives. He's sincere in just wanting to train me."

"Fine. But you guys stay in the bunker. I don't trust him. And you know," He turned back to his hamburgers, "You could call him and ask him to come fix your hands so maybe you could use them in the next week or two." He guessed she started praying to him because a chirping voice from behind him said, "So what's this I hear about a broken hand?"  
  
"Hello, Gabriel," Cas said.

 

~Maddie~

 

Gabriel was looking down at her in amusement, and when he saw her hands his eyes widened. "I pity whoever you beat the shit out of." He put two fingers to her temple and Maddie felt his grace spiral through her and the then the hot, wet ache from her hands was gone. He removed his fingers and sat down next to her like he visited all the time.

"Actually it was a punching bag I beat the shit out of." Gabriel raised an eyebrow at her in surprise. "You did that on purpose?"  
  
"No. Sort of. Not really, it's complicated. Thank you though."  
  
"No need to thank me. Hey Cassie, how's the newfound humanness going?"  
  
"I'm fine. It's overwhelming, but I'm fine." Cas answered.  
  
"Good."

Just then Maddie felt a wave of shock go through her, from Gabriel. She shot him a curious look, and her phone dinged. She gave it a cursory look and saw that the message was from Gabriel. His name in her contacts though was: SuperAwesomeGabrielTheFabulousArchangel, and she made a mental note to change that. The message read:

**G: They're soul mates too. Cassie and Dean.**

What? Was that even possible? Cas had said only one true mate.

_(I thought that wasn't possible? Only one right?)_  
  
**G: It's because you're from a different dimension. That's the only way it's possible.**  
  
_(Well, you have to tell them. You can't keep it from Cas.)_

Gabriel smirked slightly but gave her a small nod. He clapped his hands and started awkwardly. "So guys, big news. You ready? Deanster here has two soul mates, and they're both sitting here at the table, and it's not this sexy piece of ass. Don't get your hopes up." Dean and Cas both stared at him, shocked. Cas said, "Please, Gabriel. That's a cruel joke, even for you."

Gabriel shook his head at him and dropped into serious mode. "No, Cassie. I wouldn't joke about something like that. I'm being serious. It's only possible because she's from a different dimension, but it is possible, apparently." Cas lit up and he was out of his chair and across the kitchen hugging Dean fiercely within seconds. Dean looked surprised at the assault but hugged him back. Maddie smiled. This was good. Now Cas wouldn't feel as guilty. Awesome.

Just then Sam walked in holding a folded up paper bag. He froze when he saw Gabriel and Maddie felt a flash of something very unexpected. Intense desire, followed by shame, and anger. And it wasn't from Gabriel. It was Sam. Oh boy. She needed to talk to Sam right now, but it'd have to wait.  
  
"Whatcha got there, Sam?" Maddie asked him and he cleared his throat awkwardly and said, "Nothing. I'm just looking for some scissors. What's he doing here?" Gabriel sighed and said, "You know, Sam-o, it's a bit rude to talk about somebody like they're not even here. But whatever, you Winchesters have never been known for manners. Dueces."

Then Gabriel was gone. Well, hell. Sam looked guilty now, almost crushed, and whoa- Maddie felt a feather tracing up her arm. It had to be Gabriel, nobody else had wings anymore. Was he still here? _(Gabriel, please tell me that's you with the feathers, and not some creepy stalker angel. Are you still here?)_ In response, she felt a feather gently trace her face, from temple to chin. She shivered unconsciously at the soft touch. It was almost too light. _(You didn't have to leave you know. You could've stayed and hung out. I'm sorry about Sam.)_ Her phone dinged quietly and she looked at the message.

**G: It'd just be nice to be welcomed in a room full of people without them wanting something from me.**  
  
_(Oh, Gabriel, I'm sorry. I don't look at you that way. I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to make you think I was just using you. I wouldn't do that. I hope you know that. I'd like to consider you as a friend, and it's not because you're an archangel. I like you. You're sassy.)_

She threw his own words back at him and suddenly she was blanketed by excited feathers. It was all over her face, and her arms and her whole freaking body was tingling. The sensation disappeared, but she could still feel feathers down her arms.

**G: Really? Are you being serious?**  
  
_(Obviously, Gabe. You of all people should know that.)_  
  
**G: Are you always this nice, or am I some kind of special exception?**  
  
_(You've seen my memories, Gabriel. You tell me.)_  
  
**G: Okay. Fair point, Bookworm.**  
  
_(Friends then?)_  
  
**G: Friends.**

The simple word had pleasant feelings sitting in her chest, and she was nearly giddy. She just made friends with Gabriel! Feathers ran up and down her arms and she couldn't take it anymore.

_(Gahh! You're killing me with that! I wouldn't care, but it tickles! You have no idea how much I just want to rub my arms right now, holy crap.)_

Suddenly the feeling intensified and it stopped tickling. It was warm and good and blanketed her.

_(Way better. But do I wanna ask what changed?)_  
  
**G: The pressure, duh.**

Maddie rolled her eyes at him. No shit, Sherlock.

 _(Yeah, I figured that much out on my own, thanks.)_ She prayed dryly.  
  
**G: Wow. You are a serious smart ass, you know that?**  
  
_(Always. I'm awesome like that. Hey, Gabe?)_  
  
**G: Yeah?**  
  
_(Can I ask you a question?)_

**G: You've just asked me two entirely useless questions to ask me if you could ask another one. You tell me.**  
  
_(Alright, alright. Calm down with the sass levels. I was just wondering, how long are you staying?)_  
  
**G: I don't know. Probably until I get bored.**  
  
_(Uh... do you do this a lot? Hang out here with everybody without them knowing?)_

**G: You know... The fact that you seem to know everything can be extremely annoying sometimes.**  
  
_(Sorry?)_  
  
**G: Ha. Don't even try. Yeah, I do. I keep an eye on Casanova and stuff. It's mostly just something I do when I'm bored.**  
  
_(You don't have to lie.)_  
  
**G: Oh shut up. It doesn't help with you anyway. You always just KNOW. And if you tell anyone I will send you a cursed necklace for Christmas, I'm serious.**

_(Okay, Draco Malfoy, whatevvs. I won't tell anyone. Thought that was a good thing? You know... you'd be honored to teach me and all that?)_  
  
**G: Yeah, but I didn't think it'd be this annoying.**  
  
_(Hah! I told you! And what'd you say? 'Eh, who cares?' Booyah.)_  
  
**G: You did not just say booyah.**  
  
_(I so did.)_

**G: Well, this is more entertaining than I thought it'd be.**  
  
_(Gee, thanks Gabe.)_  
  
**G: You're welcome. ;)**  
  
**G: Hey, Mads, you may want to answer Dean's question sometime in the next couple of years, he's starting to grow a beard.**

Maddie blushed and immediately looked up. Everyone was staring at her and Dean was holding a plate with a hamburger on bread, giving her a suspicious look. "Uh, sorry, Dean, what? Zoned out."  
  
"Yeah, I can see that. I was asking what you wanted on your hamburger."  
  
"Oh, I can get it. It's fine."  
  
She stood up and ran face first into a wall of feathers. "Jesus Christ!" She shrieked and fell back into her chair. Dean was looking at her like she'd just pulled her pants down and shouted 'Pudding!' and Cas looked worried she was about explode or something. _(GABRIEL, you are such an asshole!)_

The guys opened their mouths to speak, but she held up her hand. "Don't even ask." She was beet red, she knew, and she pretty much snatched the plate from Dean, who started snickering at her. Her phone had just dinged again, but she waited until she was at the table to look at it.

**G: Oh, my sweet ice cream on cake that was fucking awesome. REALLY smooooth, there Maddie girl. Stellar.**  
  
**G: Wow, you realize you just called an archangel and asshole? You've got balls, kiddo. Lmao.**  
  
**G: That was fricking hilarious. You should've seen your face! It was priceless!**  
  
**G: By the way, having that much blood in your face can't be healthy. You look like a tomato. :D**

_(Quit being a dick. That was SO not funny.)_  
  
**G: And that's where you're wrong, Bookworm, that was fucking hilarious.**  
  
_(Are archangels even allowed to cuss?)_  
  
**G: Hells yeah.**

Maddie rolled her eyes and started eating her hamburger which was really, really good. Dean was an awesome cook. Everyone was giving her sideways glances like she was going to go crazy any second, but she tried to ignore it. "Thanks, Dean. This is really good." He gave her an acknowledging nod then swallowed a mouthful of food before speaking. "Who you been texting, Madster? You've kinda been in your own little world for a while." Shit. She couldn't lie to him and wasn't like she had exactly gone out and made friends since she had been here. "Gabriel." Dean looked like he had swallowed a bug. "Why are you texting that dickwad?"

Her face darkened, and she reproached him softly-ish. "Don't be an asshole, Dean. I get that you don't trust him, and I get why, but he helped you when it counted, and he's helping me. So shut it." Dean looked at her with a shocked expression, and even Sam and Cas were looking at her like she'd grown two heads or something. She shrugged and took another bite of her hamburger before checking her phone again because it had been dinging.

**G: Wait, what are you doing? You don't have to defend me.**  
  
**G: Did you just seriously call Dean an asshole over me?**  
  
**G: Dude... You told Dean Winchester to shut up. Because of me. What even are you?**  
  
_(Um, nice. I don't let people down talk my friends. If you were saying shit about the Winchesters, I'd do the same to you. Besides, it's fun to keep surprising you.)_  
  
**G: Yeah. You definitely keep doing that.**

Maddie finished her hamburger and washed her plate before putting it in the dish drainer. She turned around and grabbed the counter with her hands, she facing the rest of the kitchen with her back to the sink. She looked around the room. Dean and Cas were done with their food and were talking about tomatoes for some reason. Sam was chewing slowly with his eyes downcast. He looked very melancholy. Nobody was paying attention to her so she closed her eyes and brought her mental walls down, opening herself up to the room. Dean and Cas were both happy, and content. Cas seemed overjoyed.

Probably because of the soul mate thing. Maddie delved into Sam's emotions and was almost floored by the wave of black she felt. Her knees almost gave, but she felt a pulse of grace shoot through her and it kept her upright. She sent a mental thank you to Gabriel for the help, and he stroked a feather down her cheek again. She felt his wing wrap around her, and it helped. Trying again, she pushed her gift at Sam. This time she didn't almost faint when she felt the black depression surround her, but it did hurt. She could feel how badly he felt. He was guilty and sorrowful and full of pain, and self-hate, and anger. Holy shit that man needs a hug. Oh, poor Sam.

She felt the blackness begin to engulf her, she had dived too deep, and this time her legs did give out when the wave of ebony emotions crashed into her like a tidal wave. She felt wings cushion her fall, but she still hit the floor with a hard crash. Her head whacked against the tile covered concrete, and even with her eyes closed she still saw stars burst in front of her vision. She felt panic slam through her hard and fast, as well as worry, and concern. They were from Dean and Cas, and she could feel them. They were close.

"Maddie!" Dean yelled, and she tried to break through the haze of emotions she was stuck in, but it was like being underwater and trying to swim against the current, she couldn't quite make it back up. She felt grace pulse almost lazily through her body and she began to rise up through the swirling vortex she was stuck in. She finally made it to the surface, and she felt Gabriel help her put her walls back up, so she wasn't swamped with feelings from everyone. Thank God for Gabriel. She felt him trace a feather down her cheek and she leaned into the touch instinctively. "Maddie, you okay?" Dean's voice was low and worried. Cas's was panicked, and she realized she was scaring him. "What's wrong?"

She struggled to open her eyes. They did, and bright light slammed into her brain, but she fought to keep them open. She was scaring Cas. Dean was kneeling beside her and he looked worried. She needed to reassure them. "M'okay, Cas. S'okay." Her tongue felt thick and heavy but she managed to move it. "Don't worry. S'okay." She grasped blindly out for his hand and he grabbed it. She held it tightly, reassuring. She laid there on the floor for a few moments, gathering her strength. Fuck, her head hurt. Healing grace was suddenly undulating through her, and then her headache was gone. (Thanks, Gabe.) She thought weakly and got that same feather stroke in response. "Maddie, what happened?" Dean questioned. She struggled to find a good response that would make sense to him. "I was practicing. Got... too deep. Swamped with feelings. Got stuck. Gabe helped. I'm okay. Just tired. Dean?"  
"What is it?"

"Where's Sam?" He looked behind him, confused. "I don't know. He probably went to his room or something. Why?" He glanced down at her worriedly. "He feels... awful. Almost... knocked me out. He... needs... help. " Words were becoming harder and harder to form, and she needs to get off the floor. She was so tired right now. Her eyes fluttered closed, she couldn't help it. "No, Maddie. Stay awake. Come on, wake up." She felt his arms under her and she was being lifted. She didn't have the energy to wrap her arms around him. She tried to open her eyes, she really tried, but they seemed to weight ten thousand pounds. "Sorry." She barely whispered, and then she was gone, floating in darkness and dreams and sleep.

She found herself standing in a forest. It was almost jungle-like, with trees that were so tall and thick they reminded her of great sequoias. Huge, waxy leaves dripped water onto the dark, rich earth, and she could almost smell it. She knew she had never been here before, but it seemed familiar somehow. She heard a soft noise behind her and she turned around quickly. "Gabriel?" He was standing there with his hands in his jeans pockets, looking sheepish in a green/brown jacket and a black T-shirt. "Hey, Bookworm." He looked normal. Except for the very large wings sprouting from his back. They were folded tightly across his back, and he looked shy. The feathers were mostly all white, but towards the middle of each feather, they faded into a light pink color, and at the tips, a light blue. Across the entirety of the wings was a light sheen of gold, like they had been sprayed with metallic spray paint, or had gotten glitter thrown at them.

They were beautiful. Maddie was in awe. She stepped forward slowly and raised her hand over Gabriel's shoulder. She paused, and he gave her a soft nod. She hesitantly sank her fingers into his feathers and he gasped. She froze, "Did I hurt you?" He shook his head. "Wings are... sensitive, shall we say. It's okay." She nodded and stroked her fingers through the soft, downy feathers. They were incredibly soft and seemed so light like they were barely there. "They seem so fragile." He laughed and spread them out to their full length, which had to be like twenty feet from wing tip to wing tip. They arched upwards towards the sky in a long curved bow. "Hellfire can't even touch these babies. That's not exactly fragile." He said with a smirk, and she chuckled with them. "They're beautiful, Gabe. Question though, is that why you leave behind the scent of cotton candy when you leave?" He laughed and folded his wings back against his back.  
  
"Yeah. It's my little private joke."

"Gabe, are you dreamwalking with me, or something?" He made a semi-sorta gesture with his hand. "I'm an archangel, things are kind of different. This is a memory of mine, and you are in it within a dreamlike state, deep in your mind." She wrapped her head around that. "Why does it seem familiar to me?"

"Every human instinctively recognizes the Garden on a deep, base level, but it's different for you Bookworm, because of your gifts. We're deep in your mind, where your gifts lie, so you and I are connected right now. It's familiar to me, so it'll be familiar to you."  
  
"This is the Garden of Eden?"

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, if you're liking this story drop a comment or a kudos. Let me know you're here Lol. I like the feedback.


	22. It's a Great Day to be Alive

"It's the way I see the Garden. Everybody sees it differently. Come on, I've got something to show you." He held out his hand and she took it as they started walking down a path she hadn't noticed a moment before. They walked for a minute before Maddie asked, "Gabe, is everything okay?"

He gave her a sideways glance that she couldn't read. "Sort of. But it'll be fine. I have to show you something. We're almost there." She didn't question him, though she was burning with questions. As they were on their way, Gabriel stopped once and looked at her seriously. "Maddie, I need you to do me a favor."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Are you going to ask what it is?"  
  
"I was assuming you'd tell me." They both laughed.  
  
"Keep an eye on Sam for the next little while, emotionally speaking. Can you do that?"

"Of course, I can. Am I allowed to ask why you want me to?"  
  
"I caught a flash earlier... He's... sort of suicidal. I know you felt that. Please. Just keep an eye on him. If you sense anything serious, call me immediately."  
  
"Oh, God. I was right. Okay, Gabriel. I will."

A few minutes later they came to an opening in the trees, and she gasped. There, nestled into the ground, was a large pool of blue water. It looked like someone had melted down a piece of the sky and poured it into the earth, forming a puddle of pure blue liquid. "What is this, Gabe?"He shrugged. "It's kind of a long story. But all you really need to know is what it's for. When angels become a certain age, they come here, and they place one feather from their wings into the pool. It's a symbolic promise. You will always give yourself to Heaven. It's an oath of sorts. When an angel dies, the feather simply... ceases to be, basically. But when an angel becomes human, they just kind of... float around."

He reached his hand into the pool, and after a moment she could see something black, it was unclear what, coming towards his hand. He grasped it and pulled it out. A long black feather. Neither it or his hand were wet, she noticed. She inspected the feather closely, it wasn't actually black. It was iridescent, like an oil slick. The plumage was a dark black-purple, but it reflected a million different colors when it moved. It was very beautiful and looked shiny and silky. He held it out to her, and she grasped it from his hand gently. She gasped and managed to choke out, "Cas." She felt him. She could almost smell him, like a thunderstorm, and lightning, and mountain rain. It's like he was right there but she couldn't see him.

Gabriel smiled softly. "Yeah. This is Cas's feather that he put into the pool when he made his oath to Heaven, and now I'm giving it to you. The fact that you even know it's Cas's is amazing in itself."

"Why are you giving it to me?" She stroked it lightly with her fingertip as she spoke.

"Classified info, kiddo. Sorry. I'm on orders from the Man Upstairs. But I need you to keep this with you." He closed her hand around the feather, and his own hand around hers. There was a flash of white light from between their fingers, and when she opened her hand there was a black, iridescent, oval stone in her hand, roughly the size of the pad of her thumb. It sat on a gleaming, intricately linked silver chain. He put it over her head and went it touched her chest, in the valley between her breasts, she gasped. It felt like Cas was giving her a hug, and she would swear she saw the stone glow blue for a moment.

"It's important, kiddo. Don't take this off, okay? Not to shower, not to sleep, not to hunt, whatever. Don't take it off, okay?" She nodded mutely, a bit frightened by his intensity and insistence. "Okay, Gabriel. I won't. I guess this isn't exactly as much a memory or a dream as you said if this is following me into the physical world, huh?"

"Not exactly. It's really, really hard to explain."  
  
"Alright."  
  
"Promise you won't take it off?"  
  
"Promise. Do you need a Boy Scout swear or something?"  
  
He smiled fondly. "There's my girl. Listen... Do you love Castiel?" That was the first time Maddie had heard him refer to his brother by his full name. "Yes, I do."  
  
"Say it. Just like I did."

"I love Castiel." Her words seemed to echo in the silence and the stone around her throat did burn bright blue, and it grew hot on her skin for a moment, before returning to its normal coolness. "What just happened?"  
  
"Classified. Don't worry about it, okay? You'll thank me one day, I promise."  
  
"Alright." He smiled. "Okay, there's one more thing I have to tell you."  
  
"What's that?"

"The name of the demon that's after Sam." Maddie gasped.  
  
"When you wake up, you'll have your sketchbook in your hand. You'll have a vision, and you'll get the name."  
  
"My visions go through you?"  
  
"Not exactly, I just know about it. I got promoted."  
  
"What in the world is higher up than archangel?"  
  
"Besides God, not much. But now I have a special mission. You."

"Me?"  
  
"Yep. You've got your own guardian angel. Mua. Congrats." He smirked at her.  
  
"Why do I have a guardian angel, Gabriel?"

His face softened into a warm smile. "Because you need one. You're special. And it's important. I can't explain it to you right now, but there's more going on than meets the eye. You'll understand soon, Bookworm, Hakuna Matata."

"You're scaring me." She said quietly but raising her chin up to meet his eyes, which were warm whiskey and sunshine through forest leaves. "I know. I'm sorry about that. But it's okay. Don't tell anyone about all this, Maddie. Don't let Cas know that stone is his feather. Keep it to yourself, okay? Just do me a favor, Mads?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Be brave, okay? It's important. Be brave."

"Gabriel, what are you talking about?" His face fell into sympathy. "You'll see eventually. I'm sorry, hon. Have faith in me." He touched two fingers to her temple and she woke up with her head laying on the kitchen table. Before she could even register that she had a pencil in her hand, a vision slammed into her like a freight train, blinding her to the outside world. All it was was a repeat of her previous vision. She saw Sam getting stabbed again, and then the blond demon was smirking at her, his eyes cold and proud. Then it was over and she was staring at the kitchen, lit only by a single blue light above the sink that she hadn't actually known was there. Her sketchbook was sitting in front of her, and in the middle of the page were three symbols. They were ugly and thick, and she immediately disliked them.

For some reason, she remembered her promise to Gabriel just then and closed her eyes and sent out her senses, blanketing the bunker with her awareness, searching. Sam first, he was asleep in his bed, and he seemed... Even asleep, he seemed sad. Cas was in bed with Dean, both were content and happy. That made her smile. Good. She wondered how she had gotten down here. She was sure Dean wouldn't have just left her in the kitchen and went to sleep. The last thing she remembered was him holding her, then she passed out. Glancing at the clock, she saw it was nearly two-thirty in the morning.

Fantastic. There was no way she was going to crawl into bed with Cas and Dean. She knew she had agreed, but it just seemed so intrusive. They just wanted to help, but it still wasn't fair to them. It wasn't weird or anything, she loved sleeping with the guys, but it really just wasn't fair to them. Cas had just gotten Dean, and she didn't want to interrupt that, no matter how nice it was for her. She wasn't that selfish. So what could she do right now?

She sat there for a moment, thinking, and she fiddled with her new necklace absentmindedly. She wondered why the hell Gabriel had given her this, but he apparently wasn't going to answer her questions on it. Because God had told him not to. Fabulous. She wondered what it was meant for, and why she could never take it off. Gabriel had said not to tell the Winchesters... She knew she trusted him. For some reason, she felt very close to him. He was quite literally her guardian angel, and that was awesome. He'd always made her laugh on the show. And it might be good for Cas to be around him. Maybe they'd become close. They were friendly with each other, sure, but it wasn't like a true sibling thing. At least not a human sibling thing. Fuck. That made her think of Boo. She really didn't want to get sad now, so she tried to think of something else to do.

She was kind of a stress cleaner, so she decided while she had nothing better to do, she was going to clean the kitchen. She deep cleaned it, washing and drying and putting away every dish. Scrubbing every appliance, washing every surface, sweeping and mopping, dusting. In an hour and a half, the kitchen gleamed like it was in a magazine. Though the decor was a little off for that, she thought with a laugh. Now what? She really didn't know. She was bored out of her mind, and tired, but she didn't want to disturb Dean and Cas. But if she slept in her bed... Her nightmares were her own personal hell, and she had no urge to visit perdition right now. None what-so-freaking-ever. Hmm...

She was not going to go beat the punching bag into submission again, she'd learned her lesson on that. God, how her hands had hurt. What time even was it? A little after four in the morning. Wonderful. Wow, she needed a new hobby. Or at least something useful to do at night when she couldn't(wouldn't) sleep. She was fucking tired. Oh, man... She decided to go and unpack her stuff. She had put some stuff up, but not everything and most of her stuff was just sitting in her book bag. It wasn't like she was ever really in there anyway. So another hour later and she had completely emptied the duffle bag, finding a place for everything in her room, and now she once again had nothing to do.

Fucccckkkkk. She guessed she'd just have to deal with the nightmares. There wasn't anything to occupy her time with right now, and her body needed sleep. All her activity, plus the intense practice session earlier had her wiped. She turned off the lights and laid down on her bed, shoving her face into the pillow. She woke an hour later muffling a scream into the pillow, still feeling the hands roaming all over her, pushing, pulling, hurting. She shuddered and stood quickly, desperate to get rid of the feeling. She stood too fast and got dizzy. She fell as she tried to catch herself, tripping over something, and she bashed her mouth into the iron post thing on the end of her bed. She landed on the floor and rolled onto her back with a groan.

Fuck, what a way to start a morning. Her mouth was bleeding, and it fucking hurt. She had managed to bite her tongue, as well as split her lip, and make her gums bleed. Absolutely fucking fabulous. Today was going to be awesome. She sat up slowly and noticed she had the beginning of a headache. Hell. She sang 'It's a Great Day to be Alive' sarcastically under her breath as she dragged herself from the floor and out into the hallway. She reached the living room, and of course, no one was up yet. She didn't even go to the bathroom to clean her face. She said fuck it. She knew where she wanted to be right now. She made her way to the bunker's entrance and opened the door before stepping outside.


	23. I Just Wish it Could be Real

  
Dawn was just barely beginning to touch the sky. She sat in the little alcove and watched as it came to life, keeping the door cracked, but not closed. The sky gradually lightened from dark blue into light blue, then brilliant sprays of pink and yellow touched the clouds and she smiled. It made her lips start bleeding again, and she probably looked like Rocky or something, blood running down her chin, but who cared? It was nice just to be outside, enjoying the cold air prickling her skin, and giving her goosebumps. She liked it, watching the frost burn off, and the vapor rise up and disappear. Suddenly the door opened and she turned around only to find a grumpy looking Dean in a t-shirt and boxers with a gun in his hand staring at her. "Mornin'." She said. He just stared at her. "What the hell are you doing? And what the hell happened to you?"

"It's been a long night. And I was watching the sunrise." She stood and his eyes tracked the movement carefully. Why? Oh... "I didn't do this to myself, Dean, in case you're wondering. Not purposefully anyway. I fell and whacked my face on the bedpost thingy." He cocked an eyebrow at her and puffed air out his nostrils with a slight laugh. "Nice. Come on, let's get you cleaned up." They were walking back through the bunker towards the bathroom when he said, "How long you been up?"

"Uh, since about six or so." She hedged. It was actually true, but he probably thought she had slept the whole night in the bed with them. He glanced at her suspiciously but didn't say anything. He followed her into the bathroom where he gestured for her to sit up on the counter and he started digging through the drawers. "Why are you lying to me?" He said without even looking at her. She was shocked. "I'm not." He glanced up at her, disbelieving. She sighed deeply. "I mean, not technically. I really did get up at six. I only had a little under an hour of sleep, but that's when I woke up." He tensed and started running a washcloth under some water. He was rubbing it across her chin, wiping the blood off when he spoke again. "When did you wake up the first time?" Ahh, crap. She wasn't supposed to tell him about Gabriel, was she? Damn it.

"A little after two this morning. I cleaned the kitchen, and unpacked my bag all the way, then was too tired to continue. I fell asleep, had a nightmare, woke up. Tripped and busted my face. It's been a wonderful day so far, believe me." He nodded. "Sounds like it. Did you even realize you have a gash here?" He poked her chin slightly and she winced. That hurt. She turned around and look and the mirror. Shit. Not only was the right side of her lip split, she had a long cut running down towards her chin from it. It was still oozing blood, surprisingly enough. She turned to Dean. "That probably needs stitches."   
  
She blanched. Oh, Jesus. Stitches. "Do you want me to sew it up?" She thought about it for a moment. Be brave, Gabriel said. She was sure that's not what he had been referring to, but she could use it now. She looked at Dean with worried eyes but nodded. He got out a needle and a weird piece of thread looking stuff from a bag in the drawer like he did it all the time. Well, then again, he probably did. He got it ready but paused when he looked at her face. "Are you sure about this? You're not going to pass out on me, are you?"

She shook her head no. "Its fine, I think." He gave her a small smile. "That's reassuring."

She closed her eyes as his hands got closer to her face, she didn't want to see it. A slight touch on her chin alerted her to the fact of what was about to happen, and she was surprised Dean remembered. He did something painful with his fingers, making her want to whimper, but she didn't, and then he was stabbing her with a needle. Oh, hello, fucking ow. Every time it entered her skin she wanted to make a noise, and especially when he started pulling it tighter, but she never let a sound fall from her lips. She felt a sharp pain shoot through her face and a weird movement. She realized he had probably tied it or something.

She only noticed she had been holding onto the edge of the counter for dear life when his hands grabbed her, prying her fingers loose, which were cold and numb. He held them between his hands, rubbing slightly, causing them to tingle as they came back to life and blood flowed through them.   
  
"First time having stitches, huh?" He asked. She nodded mutely. "Maddie," His voice was soft, "Open your eyes." She obeyed, and found herself only inches away from Dean's gorgeous eyes, staring at her intently.

She felt her own widen minutely, and he was looking into them. "Grey today. Like clouds when it's raining." She realized he was talking about her eyes, and wondered why he had said it like that. With wonder, almost. She was looking into his green ones when she felt his thumb tracing across her wounded bottom lip lightly, leaving tingles, and she wanted more but was afraid to ask. Before she could say anything, Dean was leaning forward slowly, giving her all the time in the world to pull away but she didn't. Their lips met, and they began to kiss softly.

Dean's mouth was soft and gentle, but insistent against hers. She opened her mouth when he started licking at her lips, and then his tongue was sliding against hers slowly, sensually. The pace was languid and gentle and perfect. He pressed closer to her, his hand coming up to cup the back of her neck, and she spread her legs instinctively. He stepped into the space, and it was much hotter than it had been all of a sudden. He did something amazing with his tongue which made her moan softly, and she arched into him, their chests brushing.

The material of her T-shirt was thin, and she never wore a bra, useless fucking things, so her breasts were rubbing against the rough fabric of his shirt, sending little bolts of lightning through her as her nipples hardened to the touch. She made a soft noise, and he groaned deeply in response, running his free hand up the length of her back and into her hair where he pulled gently, making her head fall back and baring her throat to him. He worked his mouth over her jaw and down her neck. His lips and tongue were magic, and his stubble grazing the sensitive skin of her throat had her reeling. It had never felt like this before. This was amazing. But... maybe too much, she realized sadly. She really didn't want to ruin her times with Dean by freaking out like a fucking moron.

Sighing regretfully, she said, "D-Dean, stop." Her hands were in his hair and pulling him up to look at her. "What is it, Maddie?" His eyes were worried. "I just - I have some issues... with my past, and... I don't want to freak out on you. I want more, I do, but... I just have problems. I'm sorry." She whispered the last part to the floor. Her eyes fluttered open when she felt his firm finger on her chin, urging her face up to meet his eyes. "It's okay." His face was sincere and very open, she noticed. He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around her in a comforting hug. He whispered into her ear, his hot breath tickling her skin.

"Whatever you're comfortable with, sweetheart. I won't push you." He drew back from her and he looked stern now. Fear clutched at her, what had she done? His face softened, and his hand came up to caress her cheek, stroking underneath her wide eyes. "Hey. Don't be afraid of me. I'm not going to hurt you, Mads." She nodded. "But listen, no more of this sleeping by yourself. Obviously-" he gently touched her chin where the stitches were, "Nothing good comes from it. You're not interrupting, or intruding, or invading, or whatever other 'i' words you can think of. We want you there. Cas woke me up last night saying your name. He had his arm thrown out, feeling the bed. He wanted you there, Mads. I want you there." His voice was soft and honest, and she really didn't know how to feel about it. "Okay?"

"Okay, Dean." He gave her another hug then pulled back. "Do we need to talk about this?" He gestured between them. She really didn't know. She didn't know what he wanted, or expected from her, or what he was looking for out of this. "I- What do you want from me, Dean?"

Maddie's voice was calm, but her pounding heart betrayed her. He smiled and his hands came up to grab her hips, kneading gently. She gasped at the sensation, and he gave a wicked smirk before leaning in to nuzzle her neck. "You. Everything. Anything. Connection. Not just physically. Does that pretty much clear it up?" She nodded. Yeah, that pretty much cleared it up. "What do you want?" He kissed the side of her neck lazily, dragging his stubble across it, and lust curled in her belly, and she knew she was getting wet if she wasn't already. Hell. "Same thing." She managed to gasp out. He chuckled against her skin. "Oh, you're just like Cas. Ridiculously responsive. It's awesome." His hands squeezed her hips, and she whimpered. The good kind.

She felt Dean's smile against her skin, then he was pulling away. It sucked. She felt cold and bereft, but it was probably for the better. He grasped her hips and pulled her off the counter, and stood her up. And he totally did it on purpose, because she was pressed up against him, and she could feel every inch of his toned body. Fuck. This was going to be hard to resist. She looked up at him and he was smirking knowingly. She playfully frowned at him.

"You're a jerk, Dean." He laughed and stepped away, giving her her space. "That's what they tell me." He went to the door and grabbed the handle. "You ready, kiddo?" She looked at the sink and noticed he had already put everything up. When had he done that? It didn't matter. "Ready for?" He shrugged and pulled the door open. "I don't know. Breakfast. Sleep. Whatever." She followed him into the hallway as she thought about it. "Are you going back to bed?"

"I could do with a few more hours of sleep." He responded with a knowing expression. "Can we sleep?" She said when she got the courage to ask. He rolled his eyes at her.   
  
"Yeah, sure. Come on." She started following him back to the bedrooms, and Dean opened the door to his. She followed him in and shut it behind her. When she turned around Cas had sat up in bed, his hair was rumpled, and his eyes half closed, with more stubble than usual, and holy hell he looked hot. Dean seemed to be thinking the same thing. When Cas saw her his eyes lit up and he smiled brightly, and she swore to God her heart nearly beat out of her chest from it. Aww.

"Maddie! I missed you. Where'd you go?" He said, sounding like a little kid, and it kind of made her heart melt. He was really cute without trying to be. "It's kind of a long story. I'm sorry though." He shook his head at her. "It's okay. Are you coming back to bed? Can we sleep more? I'm tired." Cas in the morning might be one of her new favorite things. She laughed. "Yeah, Cas. We can sleep more. I'm tired too." Dean looked at her, waiting. Oh yeah. She was probably going to be sleeping in the middle then. Fuck, she was still in jeans. Jeans are uncomfortable to sleep in. She looked at both of them and just decided to say fuck it. They slept in their boxers, so what the hell? She unsnapped them, and let them fall to the floor where she quickly stepped out of them.

"Not a word, either of you." As she stood there in her black panties, Dean laughed, but his eyes looked at her hungrily, and she found that she liked him looking at her like that. So much so that she may or may not have swayed her hips a bit more than necessary as she went to the bed. Cas's eyes were as big as saucers as he looked at her. He wasn't doing it in a creepy way, like he was picturing her with her clothes off, just in a surprised way. "Are you good with this, Cas? Sleeping in jeans sucks."

His throat worked a few times before he managed to choke out a 'yes'. This was kind of awesome in a weird way. She was surprised that this wasn't freaking her out but it was great that it wasn't. She crawled into bed next to Cas, who was blushing. This time she laid facing him as Dean crawled in behind her. "Hi, Cas." His wide eyes found hers. "Hello, Maddie." Dean pressed up against her back and pulled the blanket up over all of them. "Cas, can I-" She trailed off, hoping beyond hope he would understand. She didn't know if this was crossing lines or not.

He gave her a puzzled look for a moment, and she cursed mentally, but then his face cleared and he nodded. He opened his arms and she slid gratefully into them, putting her face against his chest, and holy wow, he smelled amazing. She loved it. A humming noise escaped her without her permission and she froze. Then Cas's hand was hesitantly stroking her hair and she relaxed again. This was nice. Better even, it was awesome. Dean slid his entire body up against her, she had slid away when she went to Cas, and they fit perfectly together. He wrapped his left arm around her and Cas, and she felt both of them put their faces to her hair. It caused her to giggle.   
  
"What?" Cas asked, clearly confused. "Why do you guys do that with my hair? I don't mind, I'm just wondering." Cas sighed and pressed his nose into her hair. "I find that I have become fond of the smell of strawberries." Dean laughed lightly. "What Cas said." She rolled her eyes at them, but she smiled. "Okay. Goodnight, I guess."

"Night."  
  
"Good night, Maddie." She closed her eyes, and surrounded by Dean and Cas's scents, wrapped in their warmth and arms, she fell asleep almost instantly, nightmareless.

 

~Dean~  
~September 21st~

 

Dean didn't sleep so much as just rest. He drifted off sometimes, dozing, but mostly he watched Maddie and Cas while they slept. Cas looked so open in his sleep. His face was unguarded and clear of the confused expression he was so often wearing. He was beautiful, honestly. Dean had never thought he'd use that word to describe a guy but it was true. Cas's long black lashes feathered away from his closed eyes, laying on his skin darkly. Long, strong nose. His silky black hair was laying across his forehead and sticking up every which way from his head. Dean couldn't see his lips, they were pressed into Maddie's hair. Maddie. She was open when she was asleep too. Vulnerable. Her brown hair was all curly and kind of everywhere, all Dean could smell was strawberries. He couldn't see Maddie's face because she was facing Cas, cuddled into his chest like she had been born there or something. And he guessed, in a weird way, she kind of had. Maddie wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Cas. He had listened to her for a year and then brought her over here when he had decided it would be better.

Dean was grateful that he had. More so than he cared to admit, honestly. Shit. It had taken him years to realize he loved Cas, and Maddie has only been here, what? Two weeks? It was insane. He felt like he was balancing on the edge of a cliff, about to fall. It scared the hell out of him because as selfish as it was, it was another person getting added to the list of people that could be used against him, or taken away. He didn't know if he could take it if something happened to either of them. Any of them. Sam was on that list too, and even if Dean was still royally pissed at his brother, he'd go to the moon for him.

Maddie had said he needed help. As soon as these two got up he was going to go talk to Sam and make sure he was alright. He hadn't really talked to him since Sam had tried to beat the hell out of his soul mate. And totally got his ass whipped he thought with a proud smile. Maddie was fucking badass for being such an awkward shy chick. Kinda like Cas, he realized. Just looking at him with his confused smile and his soft, unobtrusive demeanor you wouldn't think he was a fucking soldier of God. Was, he mentally corrected. Cas was fucking awesome. He could fight like a demon and looked fucking amazing doing it, at least in Dean's biased opinion. He wondered how Maddie would do on a hunt.

It was probably getting time to take her on one. She needed to be trained more first, though. But maybe they should give her some more time to get adjusted first. She'd been here two weeks, though to Dean it felt like years. Maybe they should take a break from hunting for a while. He and Sam had talked about it a bit, but they hadn't really set a date or anything. And if Sam wasn't up to par mentally speaking he didn't need to be out hunting anyway. It almost seemed ludicrous to be thinking about not hunting. There really wasn't a way to leave it. Slow down, yeah, but it was impossible to be completely normal while knowing what was out there, knowing what lurked in the darkness. He would always feel more comfortable with salt on the window seals and devil traps under the rugs, because who knew what danger was going to come after them next? Normal people couldn't understand the life he lived.

He and his little brother hunted monsters nobody believed in and lived in an underground war bunker. He came home most days covered in blood and monster guts, and normal people would scream and run if they saw him coming. He didn't fit into normal and dreaming about settling down with 2.5 kids, a white fence, and a Golden Retriever was insane for him. That was normal. And he had thought that's what he wanted for a long time, but apparently, that hadn't been in the cards for him. He realized he didn't really want that anymore. Not like that anyway. He still wasn't entirely sure how he felt about having kids, but he liked the idea of being a dad. He had shied from it for years, unsure if he wanted to carry on the Winchester legacy. But he'd been thinking about it the last couple of weeks since he and Maddie had talked about it, and he thought maybe he'd be okay with a kid or two.

He wondered what on earth he would do with a kid if he had one. Well, no... He kind of knew. Maybe. He would teach them to be open, honest, to respect their word and not break promises. To love fiercely and not be afraid to be happy. They wouldn't be fucked up like him. He'd teach them how to hold a gun and shoot properly and he'd get Sam to teach them algebra because he fucking sucked at it. They'd know how to tie their shoes, to go after what they wanted, and care about other people. He'd do his damnedest to teach them it was okay to be their own person, and if they had to go to Hell and back to figure that out, well, that was alright.

He was actually excited thinking about all the things he would like to teach a kid of his own. He swore to himself that if anything ever happened to his person... well, people, like what happened with his mom and dad, he would be stronger than John. He wasn't going to ruin his kid's lives by chasing revenge. Even if he had to do it on his own, he would be a stronger man than Dad had been. He would love his kids, and teach them it was okay to admit to feeling things. Break the Winchester way once and for all, he thought with a wry grin. Way too many issues in their lives came from Dean being too big of a pussy to admit to how he was feeling.

His thoughts slowed on that subject as he realized he really did want kids. He could see them running around the bunker and pulling books off the shelves and asking what the big scary monster was called. He could see that life for himself, and he wondered who would be crazy enough to share it with him. Who would even want to live in a freaking underground fortress with him? And she'd have to be a little crazy to put up with this life.

It would be impossible to raise kids normally, he accepted that. He could show them how to shoot, and how to fight, how to take care of themselves, and he'd let them make their own decisions. He didn't exactly want this life for any metaphorical kids he might have, but he'd be damned if he'd let them go unprotected. And who in the world would be crazy enough to accept that? What kind of woman would want her kids brought up that way? He felt something move on his chest, a hand, and the answer struck him like one of his brother's sucker punches. Maddie was crazy enough to accept that. He already knew that, hell, she had prayed to come to this world where demons and monsters quite literally lurked waiting to prey on people like walking hamburgers.

Cas had said that she and he were meant to be together, and for the first time, he really let himself contemplate the possibility. How would Cas feel about that, he wondered. Or Maddie, even. She had wanted in this life. He wondered if she wanted to hunt with them. He wondered how she was with blood and guts and gore and the threat of imminent danger all the time. He knew she was strong. He'd have to be blind not to see that. She was strong, and vulnerable and sweet, and sarcastic all wrapped up in a tight little body. He knew she had a big brain, and she was freakishly smart. When he had taken her on the tour of the bunker they had talked about a bunch of different things. And he had learned a lot in the last two weeks about her.

She loved books almost more than anything else, and that she loved to learn new information. She really couldn't stand to not know things, even if it was things that would hurt her. She loved random trivia shit that he didn't understand. The other day he had been squirting ketchup on some fries and she had asked him if he knew the average Heinz ketchup squirt was 0.05 MPH. Dean had to admit, he hadn't known that. But Maddie did, for whatever weird reason. Dean had noticed she was extremely sensitive to people reactions to things. He didn't know if it was a survival instinct, or just her personality, or her gift or whatever, but she picked up the subtlest little details about a person and knew what they meant. He had learned that she was interested in psychology and had a large interest in what made people tick.

She just... understood people. She read things off of them, every telltale sign they didn't know was there, and immediately knew what it meant. He had noticed that because the way she watched people and reacted. It would be a hell of a skill on a hunt where they had to interrogate people or play a role.

People tended to open up more easily to a woman than to a big man who was being shadowed by Bigfoot. They were more intimidating. The analytical part of his brain thought she'd do great on the people reading part, but he wondered about fighting. He knew she had panic attacks when there were loud arguments and things, but he wondered if that extended to physical fighting as well. The only one he had seen her be in was the one with Sam and that had been emotional for all kinds of reason, so it wasn't exactly a good example to go off of. He wanted to find out. She was extraordinarily smart and mature, and he really didn't think about her as a kid. He could have this, right now, her lying in his bed, but not the way he wanted her. Not the way his body told him he needed her. Not the way he'd been craving since the first time she was in his arms. It was complicated, but nothing in his life was ever simple. He had Sam had never been able to have simple, and he guessed that was alright. At least it was never boring.

It was hard as hell sometimes, but that was life. It wasn't meant to be easy or fair, and their lives had been anything but. It had gotten them to this point. They had a home, as un-normal as it was, and they had an ex-angel of the Lord as a best friend. They watched shitty TV and drank cheap beer and slew monsters, and it was alright. It was their life, and it definitely wasn't bad. But Dean wanted more. He had for a long time, he realized. He wanted love, and partnership, and feelings with another person. It had just been Cas at first when he'd started dreaming of being domestic and sappy and stupid, but now he realized his fantasy had changed to include Maddie too. Cas had told them they were meant to be. Who was he to argue with an angel? Well, he had done that a few times, he thought with a grin. But Cas seemed to be right.

Maddie stiffened slightly against him and an image floated through his mind, unbidden by him. It was a baby, apparently a girl, she had a bow on her head. It was large and white, and connected to a headband that went around the baby's head, partially hiding her wisps of black hair. All he could see was the baby's sweet face, which was absolutely adorable, and the top of a blanket that was swaddled around her. What the hell? Cute baby and all, but this wasn't his. He wasn't thinking it, it had to be coming from an outside source. Oh shit, what was going on? "Sweet baby... so beautiful." Maddie cooed aloud softly against Cas's chest. What in the name of all that's holy? Was... Was Maddie dreaming this, and he was seeing it?

Was that even possible? Suddenly another image popped up. It was a little hazier, but he could clearly see himself standing behind Maddie, a hand on her shoulder, and another on the baby's stomach. Cas was standing beside of them, looking at the baby in what could only be described as absolute love and awe. Mind-Maddie was holding the baby from the last picture he had seen. The only thing different about this one was that it was playing like a movie in his mind. The view suddenly changed, and he was looking down at the baby that Maddie was holding.

The little girl's eyed opened suddenly, and he was floored with a rush of emotion. One green eye, one blue. The blue was deep, but bright, just like Cas's. The other was the exact same green as his, he realized mutely, and he gasped out loud. The baby was looking right at him. Her mouth popped open, her lips were shaped exactly like Maddie's he saw, just exactly. In the mind movie, the baby cooed and grabbed the Mind Dean's finger, circling it with her little fist. Dean's eyes were prickling as he watched the scene unfold. Maddie was smiling happily down at the baby, she turned her head and kissed Mind Dean soundly on the mouth. "She's beautiful. I can hardly believe she's ours." Mind-Cas said. Mind-Dean looked over at the Cas in the dream(?) and smiled happily. "But she is, Cas. It's amazing. We did good." Dean's mind swirled with all kinds of emotions and thoughts as he watched himself say that to Mind-Maddie with the most loving expression on his face. He didn't think he'd ever looked at anyone like that, not even Cas. He had never let himself.

The movie slowly faded out of existence, but Dean watched it over and over again in his mind. He wanted that. That's exactly what he was craving, he realized. To start a family of his own... with Maddie. And Cas, somehow? Oh, Jesus Christ... What the hell had just happened? How had he seen that? Where had it come from? He needed answers. There was only one person he could think of that would know. Cas. He needed to talk to him, and he wanted to right now. He looked over at him and noticed that Cas had shifted and he had the biggest smile on his face that Dean had ever seen. Holy shit, had he seen it too? What was going on? He needed to wake them up now. He moved his arm slightly and started rubbing Cas's back gently, trying to wake him up. A little crease appeared between his eyebrows, and slowly his eyes opened. He looked across the bed at Dean with happy eyes. "Oh, Dean." He whispered, "I just had the most amazing dream. It seemed so real." Cas's eyes were shining. "What is it, Cas? What's wrong?" He whispered back to him.

"I just wish it could be real. I wish it could happen."  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think!!!


	24. And She Descended into Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I may or may not've buttered you all up in the last chapter. Things about to get dark guys. Maddie's in a bad place, there was a death. NOT any of our main characters, don't kill me. But yeah, figured I should warn you since she's pretty much catatonic. Won't be seeing her POV for a while after this.

Oh boy...   
  
"Cas... It didn't happen to be about a baby did it?" Cas's eyes widened. "With a big white bow, and two different colored eyes? Maddie was holding her?" His mouth dropped open. "But Dean... How did you know that?" Cas's eyes grew as big as saucers and he looked down at Maddie. "Conduits." He murmured. Dean wondered if he had heard him wrong. Cas looked back up at him. "It wasn't a dream. It was a vision. We became conduits for her sight. Oh, Dean." Cas's eyes filled with happy tears this time. And Dean had a hard time controlling his own emotions. Holy shit.

So there was (possibly) a baby in the future. He had no idea how what they had seen would even be possible. The baby was clearly a mix of all of them. Dean and Cas's eyes, Maddie's lips and pale skin, Cas's hair. How was that even possible? Maddie began to stir and she shifted against Dean, turning her head towards the ceiling and opened her eyes. He saw that they were blue right now, crystal and clear and light. She murmured something sleepily and her eyes slipped closed again. "Maddie we need you to wake up. Something's happened."

"What happened? Is something wrong?" She said quietly, worried. Dean whispered in her ear. "You had a vision, Maddie." She gasped. "Oh. You know about it. Both of you?"   
  
She looked back and forth between them. "Yes, Maddie. We both saw it." She covered her eyes with her hands. "I'm sorry." Cas wrapped his arms around her. "Don't you dare apologize for sharing something so beautiful with us. That was wonderful." She looked up at him with big eyes. "Are you serious, Cas? I mean... really?"

"Yes, Maddie. Of course. That was amazing." Dean wrapped his arms around her too and said. "Of course we're serious. That was... just what Cas said, amazing."

"I - I don't know how something like that would... come about, so to speak." Then she froze. She recovered quickly, but Dean really wanted to ask her what that had been about. "Dean... would you be okay with that? I mean... a- " Cas laid his head down in the crook of her neck. "A baby, Maddie. A baby." Maddie made a soft noise, something between a gasp and a whimper. She was looking at Dean for confirmation. "Yeah, yeah I would. I was actually thinking about it right before that happened." Maddie looked surprised, and her eyes were wide. "What about you?" Dean asked softly. "Oh. You have no idea how okay with that idea I am. I've wanted kids forever..." Her eyes went really wide, and she gasped.

Cas pulled away from her, sensing something was wrong. Her body arched off the bed like she'd been struck by lightning, and her mouth dropped open in a silent scream. "Maddie, what is it?!" Dean cried, terrified. She gasped out a single word, "Boo." And she turned onto her side, sobbing. "Oh, no. No. Boo. You stupid idiot. No." She had managed to curl up into the fetal position between them. Dean didn't even think about it he prayed to Gabriel, who showed immediately. His smile dropped off his face when he saw Maddie and he was at the side of the bed instantly, motioning for Dean to move.

He rolled out of bed and Gabriel sat down, putting a hand on her shoulders. His face changed from concern to sympathy, and pity, and sadness. Cas was looking really freaked out so Dean went to him. No one said anything for many minutes. Maddie just continued crying, and Gabriel was shushing her gently. Dean wanted to, but Gabriel seemed to have it handled. Eventually, he took Cas out of the room, it was too much for him. He had been crying the whole time, terrified for Maddie, and worried. Dean took him to the living room where they curled up together in the dark, Dean holding him and trying to calm Cas down. What the hell was wrong with Maddie?

 

~Maddie~

 

She felt it when it happened. So much fear. A connection she hadn't known was there was severed suddenly, and she was ripped apart, bloody and weeping. She knew immediately. Boo. 'Retta was gone. Suicide. She had killed herself. Boo was gone. She couldn't hold the tears back. Not Boo. Not 'Retta. She never should've left her alone there. Not Boo too. Not her little sister. Not after Mom. No. The pain was too much and she curled onto her side without even realizing it, her entire mind and body screaming with agony. She felt wings suddenly, and her mind had a quick impression of Gabriel, but she was too swamped to even care. Oh, Boo. Why? Why did you do it? She couldn't even breathe. Her lungs hurt, her heart hurt, everything was in pain. Oh, Boo. She didn't even feel it when Gabriel sent her to sleep.

 

~Dean~

 

Gabriel suddenly popped up in the living room, looking very grim. Cas sat up immediately, panicked. "What's wrong with her, is she okay?" Gabriel just shook his head. "Her sister committed suicide. Not only did Maddie feel it when her soul departed, but she felt the pain from the death itself. It was like she died too. Her soul is in unmentionable agony right now. She was very connected with her." Gabriel fell silent. Oh, God. Maddie. How would Dean feel if Sam did that? Not only committed suicide but if Dean felt it when he died. Jesus Christ. Maddie must be fucking heartbroken. "I put her to sleep, but it won't last long. Her mind won't allow it. I can't do anything." Gabriel ran his hands through his hair. "I feel so freaking helpless."

This was the most agitated Dean had ever seen Gabriel. "She's very important to you, isn't she," Castiel said softly, and it didn't exactly sound like a question. Gabriel looked up at him sharply, but then his features softened. "Yeah, I am. She showed me everything that first night. She trusted me with all of her memories, and nobody has ever trusted me like that. She doesn't deserve this. Fuck, she doesn't deserve this." Gabriel collapsed into the armchair and closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. Maddie had shown him all her memories? This was news to Dean. Holy hell.

 

~Maddie~

 

She didn't realize the difference between the sleep haze and full wakefulness until her mind started screaming again. She couldn't even feel her body. Pain swamped her in a tidal wave, and if she made a noise, she didn't hear it. She felt arms around her, but she didn't know whose they were. She didn't care. She couldn't. She didn't know how long it lasted, but eventually, the pain changed from pure agony into numbness. She was grateful, in a dim sort of way. She felt... She didn't know. Numb. Numb to everything. She didn't even know where she was. She didn't care. The only thing that mattered was that Boo was gone. And it was her fault. Her fault. Her fault. Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa. The words repeated over and over and over on a track she couldn't tune out. She didn't even try. She just sat in the fog. Nothing but the grey fog of dull, wet, aching pain. Loss. The only thing she had known. The only thing she experienced. Lost innocence. Lost Dad. Lost Mom. Lost freedom. Lost stability. Lost family. Lost sister. Lost love. Only loss. Her mind swirled with it as she drifted through the grey nothingness, and she descended into silence. She felt it trickle over her. No more words. Just silence. Peace. Shh. No more words.

 

~Dean~  
~September 24th~

 

Dean was going fucking insane. He was at the end of his rope. Three days. In three goddamn days Maddie hadn't said a word. She hadn't even looked at them with any kind of recognition. She ate if they put something in front of her, and she slept when they put her in bed. She would go to the bathroom on her own if you walked her to the door, thank God. But it was only a small miracle. She did nothing. If she was on the bed by herself she sat up against the headboard with her knees to her chest, her eyes far away. If she was in the kitchen she sat in the chair, back straight, staring at the table. Unresponsive and almost catatonic. She hadn't smiled or spoken in three goddamn days, and it was killing him. Not only him but Cas. He'd been a mess since that night. Crying when he saw Maddie, and losing his appetite. Once he'd just broken down crying in Dean's arms. He was so worried about Maddie that it was overwhelming him.

Thank fuck for Sam and Gabriel, or he never would've been able to handle it all. Sam was very helpful with Maddie, taking her places, and speaking softly to her when they were trying to do something. Dean thought maybe he was trying to atone, but regardless it was extremely appreciated, and he told him as much. Sam had seemed surprised, but he had pretty much just said what Dean had been expecting. That Maddie had wormed her way into his heart too, even in just the short time she'd been here. She was too kind, and sweet for her to not to've.

Gabriel said that she would come around eventually, that her mind was trying to process something even her soul couldn't understand. The pain was too much, and she was trying to work through it. That was the reason for her silence. Almost her entire being was focused on trying to fix that problem. Dean was scared shitless she'd never come out of it. He didn't want to lose her. Not after everything. Thank fuck he had Cas. He'd be going crazy without him, in fact, Cas might be the only thing keeping him sane. His love was keeping him tied and rooted in the world, and that was good. He only wished he could do the same for Maddie, but Gabriel said she'd do it on her own. That she was strong. Dean just hoped he was right.

 

~September 29th~

 

She finally broke out of the catatonia on a Saturday, eight days after the incident. She had gotten up from the bed where she'd been lying with Gabriel, who had taken to protecting her like that and had walked to the kitchen on her own. Dean nearly had a heart attack. He'd been standing at the counter, waiting on Cas to get out of the shower, when she had slowly come into view and walked to the sink and started drawing a glass of water. The wave of relief surging through him was almost too much to handle. Thank fuck. "Maddie?" She looked at him then with recognition in her eyes for the first time in over a week, but she said nothing, only shook her head sadly. She wasn't going to talk.

Dean's heart kind of broke at the sight. When she saw his face, her own crumpled. She raised her right hand and stroked her thumb across his cheekbone. The gesture seemed to mean 'I'm sorry.' Dean just leaned into the touch, thanking the sweet Gods of Rock and Roll that she was actually responsive. That was enough for now. "It's okay, Maddie. I understand." She nodded gratefully. She turned to the fridge and got out the eggs. When she turned around her hand started to shake and he grabbed the carton of eggs before they dropped, putting them on the counter.

Her eyes began to fill with tears and he opened his arms to her, unsure whether or not she'd want to be touched. She stepped into them and hugged him tightly as she silently cried. He noticed that she had lost weight, and felt rather frail now, she was shaking. When it was over, he sat her in a kitchen chair and began to make her eggs for her. He didn't mind. He was kind of a mother hen when he let himself be, probably from all those years of taking care of Sam. When he handed her the plate of scrambled eggs, eyes were red-rimmed and face was tear-stained. Her face said all the thanks for her, she was really quite expressive. He hadn't really noticed before.

Dean wondered when he'd get to hear her voice again, if ever. He hoped she didn't remain silent for long. It'd already been so long, and it was driving him crazy not to hear her laugh, or listen to her picture painting words tell stories. It sucked so bad. He was kind of dying inside each day without hearing her voice. He could only hope that she would heal soon. For her sake as well as theirs. Without Maddie's sarcastic humor and generally buoyant happiness, there was kind of a dark cloud hanging over the bunker that hadn't been there before. That sucked too. This whole situation was awful. Everything she was going through... he knew how it felt to lose a sibling, but he'd gotten his back. Maddie wouldn't get that. It was fucking wrong.

 

~Gabriel~

 

He laid next to her as she slept every night. Her being near Cassie made him sad and worried to the point that he couldn't sleep, so Gabriel had taken to watching over her night and day, even when the others thought he was gone. Sometimes he caught her looking at him with reproachful eyes. They almost screamed 'You knew, you knew, you knew.' He hadn't known the details, they hadn't been revealed to him, but God had told him to tell her to be brave. He hadn't known what would happen. If he had, he definitely would have prevented it, and he guessed that God couldn't have that. It made him angry, but he understood that it wasn't his place to question. So he didn't. He accepted it. He needed to explain to her. He felt close to her and having Maddie look at him like that, accusing, was killing him. He hadn't known. He didn't know if that would be enough to earn forgiveness or not. Lorretta was her sister. The most important person in Maddie's old world. Of all the people in her family that had to die, it had to be her. The one she actually loved. That was messed up. Right now he was watching her cry in Dean's arms in the kitchen, hidden in the etheric plane. He didn't know how to help her, but he'd do the best he could. He swore to himself he'd do the very damn best, no matter what it took.

 

~Castiel~

 

Castiel was upset. He was so worried about Maddie. He wished he could do something to help, but he didn't know what that might be. He didn't know if he should give her space, or try to comfort her, or... His thoughts had been running in circles on the matter for days. She was so... unresponsive. Just blank. Dull eyes. It was killing him. He hated to see her that way, but he didn't know how to help her. Hopefully, she would break out of it soon. She had to. She just had to. She had already become such a big part of everyone's lives, they were all affected by it. Even Sam had been extremely attentive and caring. Gabriel was with her almost every minute of every day, even going so far as to lay in her bed with her while she slept, keeping the nightmares at bay with his Grace. Castiel would much prefer to have her with him and Dean, but it was simply too much for him. He could hardly sleep when she was right there, and just so broken. He rinsed his hair under the hot water and tried to turn off his thoughts, not that it helped. Maybe she would come out of it today. Maybe. Just maybe.

 

~Sam~

 

Seeing Maddie actually respond to conversations was amazing in its own way. He felt like it had been years since he'd seen her eyes with any recognition in them. They hadn't gotten along very long, but the time they had spent together meant a lot to him. He felt so badly about what he had said to her. Especially now. Her sister had died, and now Maddie was broken. Sam knew how it felt to lose a sibling, but he had come back from the dead. A few different times. So had he. They still had each other, and it wasn't fair. Maddie wouldn't get her sister back. Why did that rule only apply to the Winchesters? It was just so wrong. Sam was grateful to still be alive, well, sometimes, but this was just wrong. How many second chances had they gotten, and this kid only got one? It seemed so cruel and unfair. He wished he could find a way to help her break her silence, but he knew it was something she'd have to work through on her own. He wondered if she would still text or write notes, but he had a feeling the answer would be no. It made him sad.

 

~Dean~

Maddie ate supper with them that night, and she still said nothing. Not that any of them expected her too. They still included her in conversation as much as possible, and tried to keep it light. It seemed to help some, but she still didn't smile. It was so weird to see her not smile. She was always smiling or laughing at something, whether it was to make someone else feel better or to lighten the mood, she smiled a lot. To not see her doing that, to not hear her laughing at something stupid Dean said, or to snap at Gabriel for saying something snarky was almost torture. She was here... but she wasn't. Not really. Not that he blamed her. If it had been he and Sam Dean knew he'd have been fucked up six ways to Sunday. Probably working his way through a liquor store a day, snapping at everyone if he even bothered to speak at all. Compared to how he would handle it, she was doing good. She just wouldn't talk. He wished she would. He missed her voice.

 

~Gabriel~  
~Septemeber 30th~

 

He sat with Maddie on her bed and explained it to her. How God had told him what to say, that he hadn't known what would happen. He hoped she understood that if he had known he would have done his best to help, but he hadn't known. He swore it to her. She believed him. Gabriel hadn't even felt the slight tickling of her gift on his Grace, telling him that she was trying to read him. She just believed. Maddie was truly one of the most unique human beings he'd ever met, and he'd been alive a very long time. Very few were so trusting or kind. She forgave him.

He touched lightly on her thoughts, since she wasn't communicating, and learned that she didn't even think there was anything to forgive. She trusted him implicitly, and surprisingly, he found himself never wanting to break that trust. The depth of feelings he had for this girl was insane. He didn't really know how it happened. It was irritating, he wasn't used to being worried about anyone like this, but he also liked it. The Winchesters had begun to accept him. In fact, he didn't think he and Dean had even harped at each other in the last few days, which was as unexpected as it was intriguing. Maddie was opening doors for all of them, and she had dug her way into all their hearts. Cas had made a really good choice bringing her here.  


~Dean~  
~October 1st~

 

He learned the hard way what today was. He had woken up and Gabriel and Maddie had been gone. No note, nothing. He had immediately started praying to Gabriel, then he had received a text.

 **G: Today would have been Lorretta's fifteenth birthday. We're out back. She's making a cross. You guys should come out here I think.**    
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry? Oh, and btw, Cas's little part in there where's he's talking about Maddie having "Dull eyes", that's when he's in the shower before he found out she was responding. I just couldn't place it anywhere else and like it, I know it's out of place timeline was, hopefully, it didn't throw you guys off. Tell me what you think! Like it? Love it? Despise it? Drop a comment and tell me.


	25. I Can Make You Forget

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I left you hanging a lil bit, but I rewarded you with smut, so shush your melons. LOL. Love you guys that read this. It still amazes me.

  
Oh fuck. Would this send her back into the catatonic thing? He hoped not. He was rushing back to the bedroom, knocking on Sam's door on the way, telling him. Then he was pulling on his clothes and boots, and urging Cas to do the same. He complied, and Dean noticed he looked pale. Fuck. This was really wearing on Cas. He needed to fix that if it was possible. He would try. When they got outside, they found a heartbreaking scene. Maddie was on her knees in the grass, meticulously carving into a wooden cross. Her eyes were dry, surprisingly. Gabriel was sitting in the grass somewhat behind her, he motioned for them to do the same and to be silent. Sam sat on Gabriel's right, and Dean next to him, with Cas to his right. He grabbed Cas's hand and squeezed reassuringly, and Cas smiled back at him.

A real smile. Good. They silently watched Maddie as she carved numerous words into the cross, nearly covering it. He wondered what she was carving. The knife she was holding was black, and it had a serrated edge on it. He would bet his bottom dollar it was the same one that had given her the scars on her arm. After a while, Maddie was finished, and Gabriel helped her put it in the ground by a tall oak tree. She looked up at him pleadingly, and he touched two fingers to her forehead.

After a moment, he removed his hand and pressed it against the ground right in front of the cross. Within seconds, a blooming rose bush was in front of the cross. It had yellow roses. Remembrance. Even he knew that one. Gabriel sat back down next to them. He seemed to be waiting for something. Maddie was still on her knees in front of the cross, looking at it solemnly and he wondered if she would say anything. Instead, she surprised them all. Her clear, sweet voice began to flow again, but this time it was in a song.

 _"Met her in the fall of '93 in the hills of Tennessee._    
 _She was barely seventeen, he was tall and strong and lean._    
 _They were deep in love by June, hand in hand beneath that moon._    
 _And she'd sing a little blue ridge mountain song, and he'd just hum along._    
 _They'd dance all night till dawn, on a hillside all alone, they were young and they were free._    
 _Like a mountain melody, in love as they could be, singing that blue ridge song._

 _"She married in her mama's wedding gown, bought a house and settled down._    
 _He worked driving all around, all at large from town to town._    
 _And he'd come home every night and she'd be waiting in the front porch light._    
 _And she'd sing a little blue ridge mountain song, and he'd just hum along._    
 _They'd dance all night till dawn, on the front porch all alone._    
 _They were young and they were free, like a mountain melody,_    
 _In love as they could be, singing that blue ridge song_

 _"They couldn't tell him what was wrong. They just didn't know._    
 _It wasn't very long till Jesus called her home. Then he got down on his knees, said,_    
 _'God, don't take my love from me. Just let her sing a little blue ridge mountain song like she has all along._    
 _I'll dance with her till dawn on a hillside all alone._    
 _We'll spend eternity like a mountain melody in love as we can be singing that blue ridge song.'_

 _"Now he lives there all alone in the house that they called home._    
 _In his heart there lies a void from the absence of her voice._    
 _And he lays down every night and dreams about that front porch light,_    
 _Where she'd sing a little blue ridge mountain song, and he'd just hum along._    
 _They'd dance all night till dawn on the hillside all alone._    
 _They were young and they were free, like a mountain melody,_    
 _In love as they could be singing that little blue ridge mountain song."_

There wasn't a dry eye among them when she finished, even Gabriel was crying. All silently, but Cas was crying hard, his eyes were red, and his nose was leaking. Dean's heart was breaking listening to her mournful voice sing. In those few moments centuries passed between them all, then she began to sing again.

 _"One evening as the sun went down and the jungle fire was burning,_    
 _Down the track came a hobo hiking, and he said, "Boys I'm not turning._    
 _I'm headed for a land that's far away beside the crystal fountain,_    
 _So come with me, we'll go and see the big rock candy mountains._    
 _In the big rock candy mountains, there's a land that's fair and bright._    
 _Where the handouts grow on bushes. and you sleep out every night._    
 _Where the boxcars all are empty and the sun shines every day,_

 _On the birds, and the bees, and the cigarette trees, the lemonade springs where the bluebird sings._    
 _In the big rock candy mountains._

 _In the big rock candy mountains, all the cops have wooden legs,_  
 _And the Bulldogs all have rubber teeth and the hens lay softboiled eggs._  
 _The farmer's trees are full of fruit, and the barns are full of hay._  
 _Oh, I'm bound to go where there ain't no snow, where the rain don't fall, the wind don't blow,_  
 _In the big rock candy mountains. In the big rock candy mountains, you never change_   _your socks,_  
 _And the little streams of alcohol come trickling the rocks._

 _The brakemen have to tip their hats and the railroad bulls are blind._    
 _There's a lake of stew and of whiskey too, you can paddle all around them in a big canoe, in the big rock candy mountains._    
 _In the big rock candy mountains, the jails are made of tin, and you can walk right out again as soon as you are in._    
 _There ain't no short handled shovels. No axes, saws, or picks._    
 _I'ma going to stay where you sleep all day, where they hung the Turk that invented the work,_    
 _In the big rock candy mountains. I'll see you all this coming fall in the big rock candy mountains."_

Cas had buried his head onto Dean's shoulder and was holding onto him for dear life, and Dean was holding onto him just as tightly. Maddie's voice was beautiful but broken. The next song had them all going over to her and hugging her as she sang it tearfully. It was one he could never recall hearing but sounded familiar and sweet all the same. And extremely sad. God, he hadn't cried this hard since his mom died, he didn't think.

 _"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine._    
 _You make me happy when skies are grey._    
 _You'll never know dear how much I love you,_    
 _So please don't take my sunshine away. "_

She only sang that verse, she was crying so hard her shoulders were shuddering, and Gabriel was the first to kneel on his knees beside her and wrap his arms around her. Dean came next, followed by Cas, then Sam. They all held Maddie as she fell apart, hoping they could hold all the pieces together. After a good long while, Gabriel took her inside, Sam following, and Dean had a chance to read what was on the cross. There were words all over it. Across the front was:

 **Lorretta Rey Walker, my beloved sister.**    
 **There is something in you I am unable to reach,**    
 **But I feel it, I feel you.**    
 **I feel your pain, and I feel your light, spilling from cupped palms placed at the foot of unworthy altars.**    
 **And try as I might, I stretch and twist to reach you,**    
 **to empty your hands of this brilliant pain,**    
 **but each time I twist I come up empty-handed,**    
 **wiping your light from the corners of my mouth.**

There was another piece of poetry on the back of it.

 **"Those hearts of ours**    
 **feel what love weighs at times,**    
 **and they skip a beat or two**    
 **as if they no longer want to**    
 **carry the brunt of it.**    
 **Yet, they always do and will,**    
 **for if love is not worth living for**    
 **then I don't know what might be."**

And written across the tops of the arms was:  **"Like a deep tattoo upon your soul, I'll love you longer than you'll ever know."**  The words had him crying all over again. God, Maddie. He hugged Cas tightly to his body. He had never been more grateful that they had found each other than in that moment. Cas seemed to feel the same. "I love you, Dean. Don't ever leave me." He whimpered. Dean kissed the top of his head. "Never. You're stuck with me, angel. I love you too. So fucking much."

Dean captured Cas's lips with his and kissed him desperately. Grounding them, reconfirming they were alive and they had each other. A soft mist started to rain down, and they stood in it, not caring. They needed a break from the sorrow for a while. They stood in the rain for minutes, or it could've been hours, neither of them really knew. And it didn't matter. They had each other, and that's all that was important. That's all that mattered. They had each other.

 

~Gabriel~

 

Maddie had retreated into her silence again, and he had a feeling she wouldn't be breaking it any time soon. She laid on her left side, her back to his chest. She was staring blankly at the wall, not crying anymore. He felt a fierce need rise up in her. "Do you want to sleep?" She turned and looked at him, nodding gratefully. Then her eyes started pleading with him and she grabbed onto his shirt. "You want me to stay?" She nodded again. He kissed her forehead. "Of course I'm staying. You're stuck with me, Bookworm, like it or not." A remark like that usually would've made her smile, but it didn't this time. She gave him a sad look and turned back towards the wall. He used a pulse of his Grace and sent her to sleep. He laid there with his eyes closed listening to her heartbeat and looking at her soul. Even in the midst of the huge pain, it was still beautiful.

 

~Dean~

 

Dean was standing awkwardly just inside his door, and Cas was sitting on the bed, staring at the floor with wet eyes. He had been so off lately. Maddie's absence and her pain were hurting Cas a lot, and it was driving Dean nuts that he couldn't do anything to help. He had an idea, but he didn't know if Cas would be hip to it. They hadn't done anything beyond kissing since Cas had become human. He'd had a couple weeks to adjust, more or less, Dean wondered if he'd be okay with getting physical again. Well, no harm in trying. "Hey, Cas?" He asked tentatively. Cas looked up at him with sad eyes. "Yes, Dean?"

"Are you alright?" Cas just shook his head. "No. I'm not. This is killing me. Maddie... She's just in so much pain, and I can't do anything about it. Her hurting... it just makes me hurt. I can barely stand it. I miss her. She's here, but..."

"But she's not. Not really." Cas nodded, his eyes wet. "I think I could make you forget, Cas. Make you feel better."  
  
"I don't think so, Dean. Short of liquor, I don't think anything would make me forget."  
  
"I'm your boyfriend now, right?" Cas looked shocked. "Yes Dean, of course."  
  
Dean took off his jacket, then his plaid over shirt, draping them over the chair. He slowly pulled his shirt off over his head, Cas watching him with big eyes. "Dean? What're you-"

"You love me, and I'm your boyfriend now, which means you can take comfort in me, Cas. I can make you feel better. Come here." Cas eyed him warily, but obediently got up off the bed and walked over to Dean. When Cas reached him, Dean slowly began removing Cas's clothes, just the top half. He'd taken to wearing Dean's band shirts, this one was featuring Metallica, and he pulled it up over Cas's head, laying it on the growing pile of clothes on the chair. He put his hands around Cas's neck and pulled him close until he could feel the heat baking off Cas's skin, and their lips were a hairsbreadth apart. Cas's ocean blue eyes were staring into him. "Let me help you. Please." Dean whispered, then leaned in the rest of the way and kissed Cas. Soft and chaste at first, then Dean licked his way into his mouth.

Cas made a soft sound, a gasp because Dean ran his tongue across the roof of Cas's mouth. Dean grabbed Cas around the waist and spun him around until Dean had him pushed up against the wall. Cas made a slight sound of protest when his back hit the wall, but Dean didn't stop his slow assault on Cas's mouth. Dean wanted to help him forget all this pain, all this sadness. Just give him some reprieve for a little while where he could forget all his worries. Dean could help him forget, and he intended to make Cas forget his own name if that was possible. All Cas would be feeling would be love, and being cherished, because Dean loved him so fucking much it almost hurt. Dean traveled his mouth along Cas's jaw and up his face, laying soft kisses all over his face.

On his cheek, and the other in turn, on each eyelid, and his forehead. Cas gasped at the loving gesture and his hands reached up and gripped Dean's hips over his pants, his fingers digging in. "Dean." He gasped as Dean slowly kissed his way down Cas's throat. "I don't know if this is a good idea. I don't-" The words broke off into a deep groan when Dean scraped his teeth across Cas's collarbone "Cas if you want me to stop, I will. You just say the word, okay? But I want to help you. I can make you forget Cas. I love you. Let me help you." Dean licked and suckled his mouth over places on Cas's skin till he reached the soft nub of his nipple. It was dusky pink and already pebbling under his touch. He drew it into his mouth and sucked sharply. Cas moaned, and his hips jerked forward. Dean bit gently, testing the boundaries, and Cas softly whispered his name.

It sounded so timid, Dean stopped his ministrations to look back at Cas. Cas's bright blue eyes were shining. "I don't deserve you, Dean. Not after every-" Dean shushed him with his finger to Cas's lips. "You do deserve to be happy." And repeating the very same words from so many ago, he said, "Good things do happen, Cas." Cas seemed to remember exactly when he had said that to Dean so long ago. His eyes were wide and shocked. He nearly whimpered the next words.   
  
"They do. Sam was rescued from Hell, you saved the world from the Apocalypse, we found a home in the bunker. We're soulmates... And I- I have you, Dean. Nothing and no one has ever made me as happy as you do." Dean nuzzled his neck. "Me either Cas. This is a good thing. We are a good thing. Please, Cas. Let me help."

Cas sighed and pulled away slightly. Dean could almost feel him struggling, fighting with himself. Finally, he sighed, defeated, and slumped against the wall. "Make me forget, Dean. Make me forget everything but you. Please." He was determined to help Cas, he would make him forget. Dean moved Cas gently back to the bed where he laid him down on the pillows, Dean straddling him. He grasped Cas's face in his hand's gently and pulled him into the softest kiss they had shared yet. It was gentle and full of every unspoken declaration of love and acceptance that Dean hadn't said yet, though he felt them. He placed soft butterfly kisses to his jaw, and down to his neck, all the while whispering to Cas.

"You are everything, Cas... I love you. You're selfless and brave, and good, but you don't see it. You see the good in everyone but yourself, just like me. I will make you realize you are just as worthy of being loved as you seem to think I am if it's the last thing I do, Cas." Dean looked down into his eyes then, and he wasn't surprised to see tears standing in his eyes. Cas let out a muffled sob and squeezed his eyes shut, tears leaking from the corners. Dean kissed the trail of tears, wiping away the moisture with his tongue, and leaving his own. "Shh, Cas. It's okay. I love you. I love you, Cas." Sensing it was what his angel needed, Dean continued to worship Cas with his mouth. He left soft kisses all over his chest, sometimes he nipped and sucked at the slick flesh in places, causing Cas to gasp his name.

Dean slotted his leg in between Cas's and ground down. Cas moaned softly and his hips jumped up and started rubbing against Dean, which was exactly the reaction he had been hoping for. Dean went back to his previous activity, but slowly. He wanted Cas to be so worked up he could think of nothing but Dean, and the pleasure he was giving him. Dean tweaked both of his nipples between his fingers and Cas gasped. Dean could feel Cas's cock rubbing against his leg, Dean rubbed his own against Cas, feeling the fireworks of sensation from the friction shoot through his body up his spine. He scooted down the bed until he was kneeling between Cas's legs. Cas moaned at the loss of friction, his eyes closed.

Cas's erection was straining against his jeans, demanding attention, but Dean just worked his mouth over Cas's abdomen, kissing every inch, worshipping his skin, and sucking lightly in places that had Cas bucking his hips. He worked his way over to his hip bone, which was just above his low-slung jeans. He scraped his teeth across it, and Cas's hips thrust forward, and his hardness touched Dean. "Please, Dean." Cas whimpered with need. He smiled. Cas was getting desperate.

Dean carefully started undoing Cas's belt as he looked up at Cas, who was flushed and looking at Dean with wide eyes. He could go much faster than this, but it was foreplay, so to speak. It would make Cas want it more, keep him suspense for a little bit longer. Dean slowly pulled his jeans down, leaving Cas's boxer briefs on. They were light grey in color, and there was a dark patch at the head of Cas's penis from leaking precome. Dean ran his palm up the length of it, lightly. Dean was teasing Cas, and he'd be lying if he said he didn't enjoy it. He was making his angel forget his pain.

"Dean," Cas whined, rocking his hips into the friction. Cas was so open and vulnerable like this, Dean couldn't get enough of it. His angel was almost always on guard, but not right now. All his walls were down, his defenses gone for the moment. Dean surprised him by leaning forward and mouthing sloppily at his cock, getting his boxers all manner of wet. Cas groaned and grabbed Dean's hair, pulling at it. It sent shivers down Dean's spine and he moaned around Cas's penis. Cas groaned loudly at the vibrations.

Dean dragged Cas's briefs down, looking for any sign that this was too much, but Cas just looked blissed out. Dean looked at his glistening cock. It was kind of beautiful like that, standing proud and tall because of Dean. That part made him hum with pleasure. He took Cas in his right hand and began stroking him lightly, just enough to where Cas could feel it, but not enough for him to get what he wanted, a teasingly light touch that left him aching for more. "Deannnn." He whined as he thrust his hips up into Dean's hand. "Dean, you're being a tease." He rumbled, his voice deeper from their activity.

"No, Cas. I'm going to take care of you. I promise. All you're going to think about is feeling. Just thinking about me doing this to you." Dean looked up at him through his lashes and gave an extra hard tug, and Cas gasped loudly - _"Oh, Dean."_   - and his eyes slid closed. "No, Cas. I want you to watch me. Really feel it." Dean demanded. Cas watching him was a huge turn on, and he wanted Cas to only focus on this. When Cas opened his eyes and looked down at him Dean rewarded him by licking a long strip from root to tip, and swirling his tongue around the head. Wow, he tasted really good. Cas groaned deeply and started trying to thrust himself into Dean's mouth.

Dean sank as far down onto Cas as he could, it wasn't as much as he'd like, but this was his first time giving a blow job in his defense, and stroked the remaining length with his hand as he began to bob up and down on Cas's cock, his mouth swirling, and licking as he went. It only took a few moments for Dean to understand how it all worked, when to inhale, and how to move his tongue correctly as he sucked Cas down.  
  
"Dean, De- Please. I need to-" He dissolved into a moan and a visible body shiver when Dean brought his remaining hand down to pull gently on Cas's balls as he sucked him down. "Oh, please, Dean! Dammit! Please. I need you. I need you so much." Dean was surprised to hear Cas cussing, but it also made him kind of smirk. He had made that happen. "You have me, Cas. I'm all yours." Dean said in response.

He could feel Cas was getting close, but Dean wasn't going to let him cum until he was absolutely sure Cas wasn't thinking about anything else. All Dean wanted to be in Cas's mind was pleasure. Dean continued to suck Cas, and he started to jerk him faster. "Dean, Dean, please. Please. More."  
  
Cas was moaning his name and Dean couldn't think of anything else. It sounded so good carried by Cas's voice, which was wrecked and deep, desperate with need. Dean used the thumb of his left hand to rub up and down the length of Cas's taint, he'd seemed to like that a lot the last time he'd done it. "Oh, Dean! Dean, please. I want to cum. Please!" Dean ignored his pleas and kept up his teasing. He let Cas get right to the edge - _"Oh, yes, Dean! Yes!"_  - and he held him there. Keeping him right on the verge of release, but not letting him quite letting him get there.

Cas was moaning almost obscenely, it was pie for Dean's ears, and he was saying all manner of things, but it wasn't until he started chanting Dean's name that he decided Cas was ready. "Dean, Dean, please! Oh, hell. Please. Dean. Yes! Deannnn. Dean, please. Please, Dean!" His name on Cas's tongue was an appeal, a plea, a prayer. Cas probably wasn't even aware of the words falling from his lips at this point, and that was exactly what Dean wanted. For Cas to be so soaked in pleasure he could think of nothing else. "Cum for me, Cas. Let it go. Cum for me." Dean nearly growled and Cas moaned loudly as Dean wrapped his lips around the head of Cas's penis and sucked as hard as he could while he jerked him steadily. "Oh, fuck yes! Dean!" Cas cried out his name as he came in hot spurts down Dean's throat.

Dean swallowed it, or as much of it as he could. He had obviously seen people do it and had it done to him more than a few times, but the first-hand experience was a bit different. Dean worked him through his orgasm until he was too sensitive for Dean to continue. With gentle swipes of his tongue, he cleaned Cas of all the residual cum coating his skin. "Dean," Cas said weakly, his eyes half closed, and his body still spasming with aftershocks. "You..." Cas's voice was wrecked, and he sounded like he was on the verge of sleep, which after an orgasm as powerful as the one he'd just had, he could understand that.   
  
"It's alright, Cas. Sleep, angel." Cas mumbled something as his eyes slid closed. Dean covered him with the blanket because he thought Cas might be more comfortable with that. He ignored his own throbbing cock, he didn't want to cum without Cas. He was happy he had been able to do that for Cas. To make him completely forget everything except his pleasure and Dean's name. Dean breathed in his scent deeply. He smelled like storms, and fabric softener and the pleasant man smell that was just purely Cas. He breathed it in and tried to make his brain forget all the pain and sorrow going on around them.

 

~Maddie~

 

She woke up and climbed out of Gabriel's embrace. She visited the bathroom first, then went to the kitchen. She found something to eat, but when she was finished she couldn't remember what it had been. Gabriel was sitting at the kitchen table, watching her. She didn't mind. He didn't try to get her to talk. He understood. He read her like a book, which was good. She got to keep her silence. She did not even think of emerging from it for now. She was consumed, and that was all for now. It would last until it just didn't anymore.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicole Lyons, Daniel Mercury, and Dennis Shepherd are the brilliant poets responsible for the words on the cross. Their work is fantastic, and I found all of those in Facebook posts. I am NOT taking credit for their work. Or the songs either, for that matter. The first is Blue Ridge Mountain Song by Alan Jackson, and the second is Big Rock Candy Mountain, and I honestly don't know who recorded it. The third is a church hymn that I'm fond of, and I kind of pictured Maddie singing it like the girls from O, Brother Where Art Thou?


	26. God is Making You Talk to Me?

  
  
~Gabriel~

 

He watched her as she just sat at the table, absent-mindedly drawing random symbols onto it with her finger. That gave him an idea. He was gone and back in an instant. Maddie looked up at him curiously. He handed her her sketchpad and colored pencils. She shook her head at him with a sad look. "Yes." He said. She rolled her eyes but accepted them. She put the sketchpad on the table and got a pencil, then marked a tiny pink line onto the paper.

She looked up at him with a clearly sarcastic expression. It said, 'Happy?' He rolled his eyes at her but smiled. "Just draw. Do something. I don't care." She sighed lightly but turned her attention to the paper. She started fanning out the lines, making them spread wide across the page. What the hell was she drawing? It took him several minutes to understand.

By then she had added blue, and some weird gold color too. Then she started framing in the colors with black lines, feathers. Wings. She had drawn his wings. The thought made him weirdly happy, and he couldn't resist dragging a primary down her cheek. She closed her eyes and leaned into the touch. When the drawing was finished, she ripped it out and handed it to him. He took it almost reverently. She gestured for him to move into the seat beside her impatiently. He did.

"Why am I moving exactly?" She flipped back a couple pages in her sketchbook then turned it around to show him. He gasped. Holy cotton candy. His eyes were looking back at him. She pointed to the paper, then to him, then mimed drawing with a pencil. "You want me to pose for you? Are you going to draw me like one of your french girls?"

That surprised a slight huff of air out of her that would've been a laugh if she'd allowed it. He could see that the remark had actually made her want to laugh, she just hadn't. Whatever though. Progress was progress. Using her hands, she arranged him how she wanted, turning his face this way and that, then she started sketching. She looked at him intently, and scrutinizingly she did. She sketched for thirty minutes or so. In that time, Gabriel mostly thought about Sam. He hadn't mentioned anything to Gabriel about what had happened between them, even though Gabriel could tell that he wanted to. Sam pretty much projected his thoughts, he didn't know if he was doing that on purpose or not. Sam wanted to talk to him and ask him what the hell that had been, but he didn't.

Gabriel thought it was mostly out of respect for Maddie's situation, but he wasn't sure on that one. He could be totally off. He was glad though that Sam wasn't pushing the issue. They got on fairly well the last few days, and it hadn't been that awkward, surprisingly. Gabriel had found himself staring at Sam's lips though and imagining his hands- Okay. No. Not right now. It was just weird. Maddie suddenly turned her sketchbook around to show him, and Gabriel gasped. Shit. He didn't know he looked like that when he thought about Sam. His face was dreamy and far off in the distance, he looked like a teenage girl sighing over his crush.   
  
"Holy shit. That's awesome. I still can't believe you taught yourself to draw. You've had to've gone to art school or something at some point." She blushed at the praise but said nothing. Not that he'd expected her to.

Dean and Cas joined them shortly after that, both of them looked like they'd just been dragged out of bed. He smirked when he saw Cas's sex hair, but didn't tease. He was entitled to some sexy goodness with his soulmate. Dean started messing around in the fridge, but Maddie grabbed his arm. He looked back at her with a curious look. Maddie shook his head at him and stood. "I was going to make some dinner...?" Dean said it more as a question, and Maddie shook her head at him and gestured for him to sit down. He protested, but she just pushed at him gently, so he sat down and looked at her as she started getting ingredients out.

Gabe smirked. He knew what she was making. She had asked him to get the ingredients so she could surprise Dean. "What are you making, Maddie?" Cassie was studying the ingredients she had sat out with intensity. "Something better," Gabriel said, and Dean and Cas both looked at him with confused expressions. "Trust me. It's not dinner food, but you'll like it." They all turned back to look at her. When she started rolling out the dough Dean started smiling excitedly. "Mads? Are you making pie? Please tell me you're making a pie." She turned around with the rolling pin in her hands and nodded, and he jumped up out of his seat and hugged her. She was blushing by the time he sat back down. Gabriel smirked. He was a lot like an excited puppy or something. It was hilarious.

They watched in silence as Maddie prepared the apples to go into the pie, making a glaze with cinnamon and sugar and all kinds of other spices that Gabriel knew would make it taste amazing. She made it like a pro, and it smelled delicious as it cooked in the oven. Gabriel conjured a deck of cards and they started playing gin rummy, which Maddie promptly beat all their asses at. Gabriel considered using his Grace to alter the cards but then didn't see any real point. It was fun. Sam came and joined and they dealt him into the fourth round. He actually won that one. It surprised him. Sam kept glancing sideways glances at him that Gabriel was trying his best to ignore.

_(I wish you would talk to me, Gabriel. I know all this stuff going on with Maddie is a lot, but please? Please, Gabe?)_

Sam was pleading with him, and hearing Sam say his name like that made is mind conjure up fantasy images of Sam under him, writhing, calling his name as he- Fuck! Gabriel popped into the etheric plane, trying to get ahold of himself. "Who lit a fire under his ass?" Dean said, and Cassie just looked worried. He felt Maddie start to panic. Shit. He had promised he wouldn't leave. He quickly wrapped her with one of his wings and she calmed down, but she looked confused.

She didn't say anything though. Gabriel looked at Sam, who looked guilty as fuck, and he couldn't stand that either. He wrapped his other wing around him and Sam looked up, confused. He opened his mouth to say something but Gabriel laid a primary over his lips, hoping he'd understand. He didn't need everyone knowing he did this. Sam gave a slight nod, and Gabriel removed his primary but left his wing where it was. Maddie was eyeing Sam curiously, then he felt the tingling of her gift pushing at his Grace. She really was very observant.

She had noticed Sam's reaction and had questioned it. Now she knew. She looked right at him, and her lips quirked up the tiniest bit. It wasn't a smile, but it was a beginning. He closed his eyes and tried to get a handle on himself. Shit. It wasn't working at all. Not when he could feel Sam under his wing, relaxing into the touch, just like he would if they were in bed together- _Oh, for fuck's sake!_ What was wrong with him? He had never been that much of a horndog. Okay, maybe, but not like this. He couldn't seem to control this, which was ridiculous.

"Anybody know if he's coming back?" Dean asked. Maddie nodded at him, and nobody questioned it. She got up and pulled the pie out of the oven. The lattice art that she'd done over the top of it was golden and perfect, and he knew it was done. So did she, but she checked it anyway. The warm apple pie scent filled the kitchen with mouthwatering goodness. Shame he couldn't actually taste it now, because it smelled absolutely amazing. (Gabe, you can come back. I'm sorry. I won't push anymore if that's what you want.) Sam looked like a kicked puppy, and Gabriel knew that this, whatever "this" might be, meant more to him that he was saying. That was the problem. It wasn't just casual. Should he even explain that to Sam? Or just... Ding.

 **God: Explain.**  
  
 _(You're very interested in my love life all of a sudden, Dad. It's a bit creepy.)_ Gabriel prayed with a smirk.  
  
 **God: As you said, there is more to this than meets the eye. Do as I say.**  
  
 _(You're not going to tell me what You've got up Your sleeve are You?)_  
  
 **God: No.**  
  
 _(Gee thanks.)_  
  
 **God: You will thank me one day.**  
  
 _(What is that supposed to mean?!)_

He didn't get an answer to that, which was worrisome. But now he guessed he had to explain it to Sam. His Dad had commanded it. Crap. This was going to be fun. But... he hadn't said when Gabriel had to explain, so maybe - _Ding._

**God: Now.**

Shit. Fine. Guess there was no getting out of it now. Like a good son, he obeyed. He texted Sam first, then Maddie

**G: I need to talk to you, and we need to do it alone. No questions right now, just make an excuse and go to your room or something. I'll let you ask questions then.**   
  
**G: Maddie, I'm not leaving, but I am going to go talk to Samsquatch for a few. I'll still be here. You won't have to use words, and I'll feel it if you need me. I'll keep a mental ear out in case you need me, okay?**

Sam gave his phone an odd look but did as Gabriel asked and told everybody that he was going to his room for a bit. Maddie didn't respond but she nodded at Gabe with a slight look in his direction. He knew she understood. Good. Shit. Now he had to go talk to Sam. He really, really didn't want to. But he would do it.

He flew into Sam's room and found him sitting on the bed, looking nervous. He stepped out of the etheric plane and Sam jumped a little. "Hey," He said gruffly.   
  
"Hey."  
  
Gabriel didn't know how to do this. He didn't do this. He didn't talk about things. He just let people assume what they wanted and went on. This was going to be hard. "So... Uh, what made you decide to talk to me? You didn't seem to, uh... want to." Gabriel sighed. "Dad. For whatever reason, He seems to have a weird obsession with my love life recently. It's creepy, honestly." Sam paled slightly and swallowed. "God is making you talk to me?"

"Yeah, pretty much."  
  
"That's... disturbing."

"Agreed. But... you know what, I don't know how to do this. Just ask whatever it is you want to know Sam-o." Gabriel sat against the wall on the floor. He really just didn't want to stand. It wasn't bothering him, but it didn't feel good right now. Sam gave him an odd look, and then the interrogation began. "You said you want to..."

"That's not a question." Gabe pointed out with a smirk. Sam rolled his eyes but tried again. "Why do you want to? With your wings and all?" Shit, well this was going to be fun. "I like you, Sam." Sweet cherry ice cream, was he thirteen years old? He sounded like an idiot. "You... like me?" Sam looked shocked.

"Have you ever noticed you Winchesters like to repeat things? You do it a lot." Sam shot him a glare but he started smirking. "Why do you like me? Since we've resorted to high school terminology." Gabe rolled his eyes but mentally started trying to prepare himself for this. "Really? That's what you decide to ask me. Real imaginative of you. Fine. You're smart as hell, maybe not as smart as me, but still. And you're always helping people. You don't try to... screw people over, I guess. And you're quiet and strong and weirdly shy, and for whatever damn reason I find it attractive. So there."

Sam just kind of stared at him with a calculating look, like he was trying to figure out if Gabriel was lying or not, which he wasn't. "When did you start liking me, exactly?"

"In the middle of a Tuesday afternoon." Gabriel deadpanned. Sam shot him a flat look. "What, it's true!"  
  
"There were a lot of Tuesdays."  
  
"Yeah... Does the specific Tuesday hold some kind of significance?"  
  
"I guess not. Are you going to ask me?"  
  
"Ask you...?"  
  
"Whether or not I like you."

"I am an angel, Samsquatch. I read minds. I didn't do it on purpose, but you pretty much shout your thoughts, so it was kind of hard to ignore." Sam blushed slightly but he held Gabriel's gaze. "So umm, about the other day. I kissed you."  
  
"Also not a question. Are we stating facts now?"  
  
"Shut up, Gabe." He said it without any heat. "Why did you run?" _Ahh, fuck..._  
  
"I kind of freaked out."

"Why? You said you liked me, so what's the problem?" Now it was Gabriel's turn to flush. Shit. He couldn't say that. He really couldn't. Sam's tone was soft. "It's more than something physical, isn't it? For you? I mean, I'm probably assuming too much, but..."  
  
"Is it for you?" Gabriel demanded. If he had to step out into Vulnerability Waters, he sure as hell wasn't going alone. Sam flushed and looked away, murmuring quietly.   
  
"Yeah, it is."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehehe more cliffhangers


	27. Jump, and See

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See? I told you I wouldn't leave you hanging long. Besides, it wasn't that big of a cliffhanger. It could've been WAY worse. Trust me, Lol. Hope you enjoy! Don't forget to comment and tell me, please!!

"And when did that happen?" Gabriel asked warily.

"After you, uh, died. I just kind of realized, and... It's kind of just been sitting on the back burner since then. I thought you were dead so it didn't really go beyond the realization, but... Yeah.." Gabriel was a little stunned, to be honest. He could tell Sam was being honest though, he hadn't even tried to lie this whole time, Gabriel would've known. Holy shit. "You never answered my question, Gabe. I'm kind of out on my own here. If it's not like that for you, I won't hold it against you or anything. I'd get it." Fuck. He was kind of cute like that- and what the hell did he just think? Sam Winchester? Cute? Holy cotton candy Gabriel had issues. But he needed to answer Sam's question.

"It's more than physical." He said quietly. He really didn't know how he felt about this. He was never one for exposing weaknesses and actually went through quite a bit of trouble to avoid ever being placed in that kind of situation. And now, here he was... Sam's big brown eyes were wide looking at him. "Really?" He sounded disbelieving, not that Gabriel blamed him.   
  
"Yeah, really. If it was casual sex I wouldn't hesitate to hop in the sack with you, or against a wall, whatever..." Sam's cheeks turned red and he looked away, making Gabriel laugh. "Would it be safe to say that you've never been with a guy before?"

"Uh, yeah, actually. I've known I wasn't straight for a long time, but I never went after another guy. It just didn't happen."

"What exactly is your sexuality?"  
  
"Bisexual. Why?"  
  
"I was just wondering."

"And you? I think I'll eat my boot if you say that you've never been with a dude." Gabriel scoffed. "No boots for you then. I'm pansexual. Definitely not my first rodeo."  
  
"So umm... Do you want to... Is anything coming from this? Or are we just airing it out?" Sam looked worried, and Gabriel remembered then how vulnerable Sam really was right now. Shit. He didn't want to do this. Emotions and talking were complicated, and he realized he sounded a lot like Dean Winchester, and if that wasn't freaky, then Gabriel didn't know what was.

**God: Something is coming from it.**

Gabriel frowned at his phone. Okay, this was getting to be too much.

_(You're being very controlling. It's my life.)_   
  
**God: I'm God. What do you expect? Don't presume that you know more than I do. I'm doing this for you, Gabe. Your name means "God is my strength." It holds true. Trust in Me.**

Shit... This was probably the most he'd talked to Dad in centuries, and he was telling him to trust him. Shit. He resigned himself to his fate.  
  
 _(Fine. I hope You're right. That You know what You're doing.)_  
  
 **God: Don't be an ass. Of course, I am, and I do. You'll thank Me later. Sam is waiting.**

He looked back up at him. Sam was staring at him curiously. "Uh, what was that?" Gabriel sighed deeply. "Just a disagreement with Dad. But fine... All cards on the table, I'd rather it not go anywhere. It's not that I don't want it." He said quickly because Sam's face crumpled, "But I don't want to hurt you or get hurt. And I know me. And I know you. You want, no, need someone that will trust, and open up and be vulnerable and all that other fun relationship stuff. I don't do that. It's not me. One of us would just end up getting hurt."

Sam looked sad but thoughtful. "You say you don't open up and trust, but that's what you're doing." He said softly. "Yeah. Because Dad's making me. I can't refuse holy commands." Hurt flashed across Sam's face so quickly that Gabriel might've imagined it. "You said you want it, Gabriel." His voice was almost a whisper.

Gabriel cursed under his breath. "Yeah, I did. And I do. But I'd rather just avoid all the pain and the problems with it." Sam looked up at him sharply. "I don't believe that. You wouldn't be sitting in here talking to me if a big piece of you didn't want it. I know, God's making you, or whatever, but I don't exactly see you protesting, or being that bitter about it. At least part of you wants something, and it's a bigger part than the part that's scared of commitment, I'd bet anything on it. I'm not scared of being hurt, Gabriel. You're focusing too much on the end game. I thought you of all people would be the 'it's about the journey, not the destination' people. Why not just let go and see where it goes? You don't know how it's going to end. Besides, if God is ordering you to come talk to me, I don't think He has plans just to hurt you."

"Don't presume to know the mind of God." Gabriel's tone was icy, but he'd be damned if he was going to admit he'd been thinking the same thing. Dad kept saying he'd thank Him for this. He wouldn't thank Him if his heart got broken, so... Did that mean that this would actually end well?

**God: Jump, and see. Trust in Me. P.S. I don't remember making you so stubborn but it fits you pretty well.**

Gabriel took a deep breath and released it slowly. Technically, breathing wasn't needed, but it actually helped. Fuck. Everything was pointing to his assumption being correct. That this actually would end well. That God was setting him up or something. His Dad could be an asshole, but he didn't think He'd mess around with something like this. Fuck. He would trust Him. He had to. Sam was still silent, he hadn't said anything after Gabriel's frosty comment. What was he supposed to say?

Sam beat him to the punch. "I know you're scared, Gabe. But there are more important things. You actually want this, I can see that. If it'd help, we don't have to label it. We could just... be. You can trust me, Gabe." Gabriel winced and closed his eyes for a moment. Shit. Dad said 'Jump and see.' Fine. He would fucking jump then. Lord knows he was tired of being alone all the time. He stood up and walked over to Sam, who was still sitting on the bed, eyebrows raised at Gabriel.   
  
"Fine. You sure you want me? I might not ever be able to... to open up, Sam. There's a lot of stuff that's just... I don't talk about. I don't show, to anyone. I don't know if I'll ever be able to give that to you. I don't know if I'll ever even want to." Sam just shook his head. "I don't care, Gabe. I'll take what you're willing to give. I won't push."

"That's kind of masochistic, Sam."  
  
"I really don't think so. But if it is, whatever. I don't care."  
  
"Are you serious?"  
  
"Yeah, Gabe. I am. Are you?"

Gabriel smirked. "It looks like it." Sam stood up then, and he was towering over Gabriel, but he didn't feel intimidated. In fact, Sam looked timid. "Does that mean we can try again? You won't run away this time?" Gabriel laughed. "You're hilarious, Samchester, really. But yeah, we can." Sam smiled.   
  
"Good."   
  
Gabriel arched an eyebrow at him in challenge, and then Sam's lips were on his, it was hot and passionate and full of want, and Gabriel couldn't help but respond. He wrapped his hands around Sam's neck, and Sam's hands were gripping his hips in a scalding grip. Their tongues were battling for dominance, and Gabriel won when he pushed Sam down on the bed and pinned him with his Grace.

He straddled him and started kissing him for all he was worth. Sam groaned into Gabe's mouth as he plundered it with his tongue, chasing, tasting, loving every second of it. Eventually, they parted to breathe and Sam was looking up at him with those brown eyes, panting slightly, lips slick and shining and swollen. Shit, that was hot. "Uh, Gabe? Can I ask you a question." Gabriel groaned playfully. "More? Don't you ever run out of those?" Sam smiled.   
  
"Not really, no. But I was just wondering if you have a thing for holding people down and being dominant. This is two for two now." Sam glanced up at his hands which were pinned to his pillow with Gabriel's Grace. He snickered.

"Yeah. Though that's not why I was doing it."  
  
"Then why were you?"

"Because you had a size advantage, and I didn't like it." He bent down and nibbled at Sam's lips, biting gently, then he worked his way over his jaw and to his ear which he bit not so gently. Sam gasped. "You have a thing for control then, don't you? You like to dominate." Gabriel smiled and raised his head. "Yeah. Why do you ask?" Sam shook his head. "Just wondering. Trying to figure out the playing field is all." Gabriel sat back on Sam, knowing his weight wouldn't bother him. "Playing field, huh?" Sam nodded. "Yeah."

"What kind of playing?" Gabriel was teasing him, but he was curious what Sam would say. Sam's eyebrows shot up and he cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Well, considering this," He looked up at his pinned wrists, "I'd say you have a BDSM thing." Gabriel raised his eyebrows, pleasantly surprised. "Not very vanilla are you? Do you have experience with that, Sam-o?" Sam flushed slightly. "Yeah. I usually played the dominant though." Interesting... "Usually?" Sam's blush darkened a lot now, and Gabriel had to restrain himself from laughing. This was funny. "Uh, yeah..." Gabriel bent down and caught Sam's lips with his again, this time slowly, teasing, looking to arouse, to torment.

Gabriel had tapped into Sam's bodily systems with a pulse of Grace, and he knew exactly what each move he made did to Sam. When he pulled away again Sam was gasping, and he bit his lips and closed his eyes, trying to control himself. Honestly, this wasn't exactly how he had seen this going, but it was awesome all the same. He had fantasized about kissing Sam so many times, but they all paled in the reality of it. "You want to give me some details, or do I need to ask specific questions?" Sam blushed fiercely, and it did make Gabriel laugh this time and Sam gave him a bitch face for it.

Which, of course, made Gabriel laugh harder. "Was there bondage?" Gabriel asked lightly. "Y-yeah." This was interesting. He'd never heard Sam stutter before. "Did you like it?" Sam shifted uncomfortably under him. "Yeah... It was fun." Gabriel let Sam up, releasing his Grace. Sam sat up, and suddenly it was a lot more intimate, and Gabriel was a lot more uncomfortable. He tried to cover it up though. "That's good to know. If, or when, we ever get to that point, it might be fun to experiment." Sam nodded, but he was looking at Gabriel in an assessing way. "What?" Gabe was getting really uncomfortable now. He felt like he was under a microscope, that Sam could see everything.

"You're not comfortable with me," Sam remarked lightly and backed off of Gabe as much as he could with Gabriel in his lap. Shit. He hadn't known he'd been obvious. "I told you, Sam. I don't trust easily. This isn't easy for me." Gabriel admitted. He hated it, but it was true. "It's alright. I understand. I told you I wouldn't push, and I meant it. Just... tell me, okay? I don't want to make you uncomfortable." Gabriel shook his head. "Can't do that, Sam-o."

"Why not?"

"That would kind of ruin the purpose of this. Dad told me to trust Him. That He was doing this for me. That I should jump. You need someone who will trust you... I have to push boundaries. Not stay safe. That kind of defeats the purpose. But... slowly, okay? I'd rather not have to smite you. You're kind of cute, Samchester," Gabriel said in an attempt at humor. Sam's happy smile was answer enough. Shit, he was already in too deep.

 

~From the journal of Castiel, ex-seraph~  
~October 2nd~  
  


_I woke up this morning more happy than I've been in almost two weeks. Maddie's condition is damaging to all of us, but my emotions are so overwhelming, I can hardly stand it. It hurts me to say that, because I want nothing more to be around her and help her, offer comfort, or something, but it hurts. Dean helped me last night. He made me forget everything. It was wonderful. It's the first orgasm I've had as a human, and it was absolutely amazing. I was so consumed that I could scarcely think of anything but his name. I felt like my entire body had been dipped into a burning fountain of hormones if there was ever such a thing. All my nerves were on fire and screaming for release. It was absolutely amazing, and I doubt I will hesitate to do it again. I blush thinking of the things I must've said, or how I must've sounded, but Dean seems very... loving towards me. I suppose that is the word. I reciprocated this morning to the best of my ability._

_I have never attempted to fellate anyone before, but Dean did not complain. He seemed to enjoy it greatly. I will practice. I hope that Maddie will talk today. The loss of her voice, her laughter, has left a chasm in the bunker, much like when the Winchesters left on the first hunt after Maddie was here. It's so quiet now. Not only from the lack of her voice but I've become accustomed to always hearing music. Maddie plays it on her laptop almost ceaselessly, or rather, she did. A blanket of silence has fallen over our home. Maddie doesn't talk, or laugh, or play music, or sing softly to the songs anymore. The tension is palpable between everyone, at least to me. Nowhere near as many jokes are made, Dean and Gabriel have even stopped quibbling. It's a small miracle, as it was annoying, but at the same time, it is worrisome. They have never gotten along._

_I'm glad they get along better now, but at the same time, I worry about the reason for it. I hope Maddie gets better soon. I hope she can heal. I miss her. She's here, yes, in mind and body. But it is like some vital piece of her is gone, just out of reach, and not quite grabbable. I wish I could reach out to her. We have barely spent any time together since the incident, as it's being called. It scared me quite badly when that happened. It was like she was dying, and Gabriel said that's exactly what it felt like for her. My heart aches with sympathy for her. I wish I could take away her pain. We all do. She has wiggled her way into all of our hearts, even Sam's. He has been most helpful to her. I know Dean has been spending most of his time with me because my emotions are so precarious. I simultaneously wish he wouldn't, and am eternally grateful that he is. Maddie is his soul mate too. They need to be spending time together as well. I have been occupying him too much, I know. I need to speak to him about that. He will fight me on it, I am positive, but I will make him see reason. I will be okay._

_Even children learn the art of self-soothing, and I must do the same. I cannot count on Dean to carry the weight forever. I must push through it. Gabriel has barely left the bunker this entire time. We've all become accustomed to his presence. The lack of bickering is disturbing, as I've said. But still, it's nice to have him here. He is my brother after all. He is definitely the most humorous of my siblings, though I know I once said Uriel was the funniest in the garrison. He doesn't hold a candle to Gabriel, although he's likely the most annoying as well. He can be serious though, as has been proven in the last few days. The songs Maddie sang yesterday when we sat at the cross she'd built for her sister made me cry like a child. I am not ashamed though. There was not a dry eye among us, including Sam and Gabriel. The first song was so poignantly sad, and the second... There are no words. I have never heard the song before to the best of my knowledge, but it seemed as if it were supposed to be a jaunty tune, and when it was sung in her mournful voice, so slow, it just... made it seem so sad. The third was simply heartbreaking. And the words she carved into the cross, poetry. Exquisite, to say the least, and so very heart-rending. I can only imagine her pain, I have never been that close to any of my siblings. Maybe she will talk today. Just maybe._

_~Castiel_   
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anybody interested in some dom/sub smut for Sabriel? It might take a while to get to a place in the storyline I feel comfortable putting it, but I'll write some if that's what you guys want. I just have the feeling that Gabriel would be very dominant because he doesn't trust anyone enough to give up control. And Sam giving over his own control is telling Gabriel that he trusts him. It's just an idea I'm playing with for later.


	28. Fortes Fortuna Juvat, Amore.

~Dean~

 

Dean left Cas in the bedroom writing in his journal like he did every day. He seemed better today, for which he was thankful. Dean made his way down into the kitchen, surprised to see Gabriel there drinking a cup of coffee. Nobody else was in sight, and he was holding a large piece of paper Dean recognized to be from Maddie's sketchbook. It was the piece of paper bearing the name of the demon after Sam. Azrael. Gabriel had explained that's actually the name of an angel, but the blond-haired bastard had taken it probably because Azrael is called the angel of death. Pompous prick. They hadn't been able to find anything on him. No one's ever heard of him, no one's seen him. They did find the poor bastard he was possessing. He'd gone missing three years ago from a town in northern Idaho.

His name was Jeremy Piler. Or it was, anyway. No one could figure out why Azrael would be after Sam. There was no reason for a demon to have his sights set on Sam anymore. And they'd never even heard of this Azrael dude. It's not like they'd done anything to piss him off. Probably. They could've. Stopping the apocalypse and all that had probably pissed off most demons, if not all. Maybe that's what it was. It might be personal for Sam because he was Lucifer's vessel. They'd been over this a thousand times already of course, but so far they had bupkis. "Morning, Gabe." Dean yawned and shuffled to the coffee pot. He needed the caffeine this morning, he hadn't slept for shit. "Morning."

"Where's Maddie?"  
  
"She's taking a shower. Pretty much the only time she's ever alone anymore."

"Yeah, I know. Does that bother you?" Dean questioned as he took his first satisfying sip of hot black coffee. Gabriel shrugged.   
  
"No. Not really. I don't care to be with her all the time. Guardian angel and all that, after all." Dean nodded. Yeah, that was another thing that had kind of thrown him for a loop. Gabriel being Maddie's guardian angel. Guardian archangel. He had questioned why Maddie needed one, but Gabriel wouldn't talk about it. Dean had ranted and raved about that, but Gabriel hadn't backed down. He refused to say. Dean was thinking it might have something to do with how Maddie was the strongest empathic Indigo child/Seer that had been seen in pretty much ever. That would make her valuable. The thought scared the shit out of him. In their own way, every one of them would be very valuable to have.

Gabriel was a full-on archangel, Cas was an ex-angel who knew all the ins and outs of Heaven, he was a valuable source of information, Dean and Sam were vessels for Michael and Lucifer, yada yada bunch of other crap, and Maddie was the strongest empath to be seen in thousands of years. That kind of information didn't stay quiet long. Maddie hadn't even left the bunker the entire month she'd been here, but Dean knew it would eventually get out at some point and they'd have to start worrying about demon attacks.

"She needs a tattoo," Dean said aloud and Gabriel gave him a weird look. He pulled the collar of his shirt down exposing the anti-possession symbol. Gabriel actually didn't tease him about it, surprisingly, just nodded. "Yeah, that would be a good idea. A very good one. Nothing ever should be able to get to her, not with you two and me around, but you never know. We'll have to mention it to her when she gets out. I bet she'd be okay with it."

Dean narrowed his eyes at him. That was starting to piss him off. As it stood, Gabriel knew almost everything about Maddie. Compared to what Gabriel knew, Dean had jackshit. He barely knew anything about her past at all, and Gabriel knew it all. She had shown him her memories. She had trusted him. Dean knew it was selfish and stupid, but it made him wonder if she didn't trust him. She was very closemouthed about her past, which he understood and respected, but still, it bothered him. He wanted to know it all. As it went, Maddie knew almost everything about him because of the show. He was at a huge information disadvantage, and it was kind of eating at him. But he had told her he wouldn't push, and that meant more than just physically. They hadn't kissed at all since the incident. Maddie hugged him sometimes, but that was it.

It made him worry. It made him worry a lot. What if she didn't want him anymore? They were soulmates, wasn't she kind of supposed to want to be around him, and crave stuff like that? Dean knew he did. God, he did. It was killing him. But he still didn't push. Maybe he should ask Cas. Or maybe not. It'd just give him another thing to worry about, and there was enough of that as it was. "Thinking deep thoughts?" Gabriel's all too familiar snide voice interrupted his train of thought and he looked up at him wearily. "Yeah, actually. Did you say something?"

"Yeah. Maddie's out of the shower and on her way down now. I thought you might want a little warning since you're over there in a fit of moronic jealousy." Gabriel's eyes were small and shiny, and staring into him like he was the lowest of creatures to slide across the earth. Shit. He'd forgotten about Gabriel being able to read minds and all that bullshit. Fuck. "Why are you looking at me like that?" Dean thought he already knew the answer to that question. Gabriel shook his head in disgust. "Later."

And jerked his head towards the hallway. Maddie appeared a few moments later, some color in her cheeks from her shower, and her hair wet and curling down her back. She froze as soon as she entered the room and her eyes flicked back and forth between them. She arched an eyebrow in question and Dean almost cursed. She always knew, dammit. She passed him to get to the coffee pot and gave him a 'What is your problem?' look. He just shook his head. There was no way he was going to mention that to her right now.

Probably not any time soon. If ever. He said he wasn't going to push. She put her coffee cup on the counter and crossed her arms and looked at him, waiting coolly. Gabriel was silently laughing in the corner of Dean's eye but he ignored him. He copied her and crossed his arms too and stared at her just as intently. Her eyes narrowed and then she rolled them, giving up and dropping her arms. Dean thought it was over, but then she turned and looked at Gabriel expectantly. Shit. He wasn't going to call him out on it, was he? Was he that cruel? That was a stupid question. Yes.

But Gabriel didn't say anything, thank God. He just raised his hands in a 'no thanks' gesture. "I'm staying out of this. It's for you two to talk about." Maddie sighed lightly and just turned back to making her coffee. "So Maddie, how do you feel about getting a tattoo?" She gave him a questioning look then shrugged. She didn't care one way or the other. "We were just thinking that you should get an anti-possession tattoo just in case." She took a sip of her coffee and nodded agreeably as she walked to the table and sat in her chair.

"So you'd be okay with getting one?" Gabriel asked. She nodded. "Where're you going to put it?" Dean asked. He wasn't sure why he asked, but he was curious. She shrugged, then ran her hand down her side to her right hip, then shrugged again. She might put it on her hip then. That would be sexy. Jeez. Gabriel made a face at him. _(If it bothers you so much get out of my head, you bastard!)_ Gabriel raised a cool eyebrow at him. "You think I'm doing it on purpose? Ha. No, thank you. You and Sam-o pretty much shout your thoughts. It's seriously annoying." Maddie was eyeing them curiously. Gabriel waved a dismissive hand. "Just him being a horn dog." Maddie's eyebrows scrunched in confusion then she remembered what they'd just been talking about and she colored. She looked at him with an eyebrow raised. 'Seriously?' it seemed to read. "Sorry?" That made her huff a tiny silent laugh, but she still didn't smile.

She eyed Dean with a curious look then got up and walked away. She returned a couple minutes later holding her sketchbook and a pack of pencils. She poked his chest where his tattoo was and raised her eyebrows. "You want to draw it?" She nodded, then shrugged. He figured she was going to draw it, then add her own design for the tattoo. Since it'd be easier than just holding the collar of his shirt down, he pulled it off and Gabriel wolf-whistled. "Alright, I'm out of here for this. Have fun with the strip show kiddos." And he poofed out of existence. Dean sat in the chair by Maddie, and she looked at him intently before starting to draw. It only took her about twelve minutes before she was satisfied that she'd gotten the design of the tattoo correct, and she turned it over for him to look. "Yeah, that looks right. What are you adding?"

She shrugged with one shoulder in a gesture that clearly said, 'You'll see.' He laughed and sat there watching her draw. It was kind of mesmerizing to watch. He watched in fascination and curiosity as she started drawing the outline of a wing. It curved downward, not folded up really, just kind of... He didn't know the word. Flowy. Then she began to draw another one, this one arching upward, feathers outstretched. She closed her eyes for a moment, then Gabriel appeared. He inspected the drawing closely, then laughed.  
  
"You want to draw one of Cas's wings and one of mine?" She nodded gratefully.

"Well, you know what mine look like. Cas's were black and sort of purple in places. Like an oil slick though. Thousands of colors spread everywhere. Good luck coloring that." He winked at her. Dean wondered what the hell he was missing. They were acting weird. "How'd you know what Gabriel's wings look like?" Maddie looked at Gabriel to explain.   
  
"It's kind of a long story, but it was during the dream thing, where she got the name of the demon that's after Sam. I didn't bother to hide my wings during it." Dean nodded. He'd heard that whole story. He wished he could've seen Cas's wings. He'd only ever seen the shadows. At least now he knew what they looked like, sorta. Maddie continued to draw. He laughed at Gabriel's wing, which was the one pointing downwards. "Your wings are pink and blue? Seriously? That's pretty ga-" Maddie smacked him on the arm with a sharp look.

He did his fake hurt look and rubbed his arm. "Don't go insulting the wings jackass, or I'll fly that precious Impala into the Australian Outback, and you can try to figure out how to get it back."

"You wouldn't dare."

Gabriel gave him a wolfish smile and wagged his eyebrows. "I made Samsquatch do a herpes commercial, you wanna talk about what I would and wouldn't do?" Dean colored, remembering how fucking embarrassing that had been. "Fine. No dissing the wings. Gotcha." Gabriel laughed at him. "You're so easy to break. It's hilarious."

"Shut up," Gabriel smirked, and even Dean had to admit that he'd won that round. Maddie tapped the table to get their attention then pointed at her sketchbook. Dean was taken aback, to say the least. He had no idea how she'd done that so quickly, but there they were. Wings, one deep purple-black wing with iridescent colors shooting through it, curving upwards, and a pink and blue/gold one arching downwards on either side of the fiery star that was the anti-possession symbol. It was seriously pretty, actually. "Wow. That's awesome." Maddie gave him the barest smile, but he'd take what he could get. "When do you want to go get it?"

"Probably ASAP," Gabriel said. "That's smarter." Dean agreed. Maddie shot him a look and rubbed her fingers together, making him laugh. "No worries on that front. Fake credit cards are fun." She rolled her eyes fondly. She looked at Gabriel, then Gabriel looked at Dean. "She wants to know if you're sure." Gabriel rolled his eyes and continued, "And that you don't have to do that."

"Sure about what? Paying for it?" Gabriel nodded. Dean rolled his eyes dramatically. "Don't worry about it. I don't care. It's not even my money anyway." Maddie still looked unsure but she nodded. Suddenly she straightened then looked at Gabriel. "Shit, that's right."  
"What?"

"She's only eighteen and she doesn't have any proof of that. We're going to have to have some sort of I.D. thing going, so the tattoo artist will actually do the tattoo." Sam walked in then, a brown paper bag in his hand. Hadn't he seen that before?   
  
"I think I can solve that problem. Might wanna bring Cas down here too though. It's a surprise." Dean was thinking he knew what it was. Before he could get up to go get Cas, Gabriel disappeared and popped back within seconds, dragging a disgruntled Cas with him.  
  
"Gabriel, let go of me! What are you doing?" He looked grumpy and it was kind of cute. "Apparently there's a surprise for you, and I'm too impatient, so I just went and got you. Now shush and sit down." Cas shot him a dirty look but did what he wanted. His eyes widened slightly as he sank into the chair, realizing that everyone was down here. He saw Maddie's sketchbook and his eyes widened further. "That's... That's my wing. How did you-?" He looked at Maddie, and she pointed at Gabriel who smiled toothily and waved his fingers at him.

"Anyway guys, here." Sam thrust the bag at Maddie who gave him a look, but she took it, then opened it, pulling out two boxes wrapped in some weird black paper. She handed the one to Cas that had his name on it, then preceded to open hers. When the paper was gone she pulled off the lid, and it took a moment, but then her eyes got wet. She pulled out several sets of I.D. He recognized a driver's license, and insurance cards, a Social Security card... All bearing the name Madelynne Winchester. Cas was tearing up too and he looked up at Sam with big eyes, his read Castiel Winchester. They were now officially part of the family. Maddie stood abruptly and hugged him tightly. He hugged her back with a smile. "Thank you, Sam. You don't know how much this means to me." Cas said.

"You're welcome, guys." Maddie let him go and went back to looking at the cards on the table. She touched a finger to the picture on the driver's license then looked at Sam questioningly.  
  
"Oh. Gabe helped me with that. It involved some sort of magic with your computer and a printer and his mojo. I don't even know. But it worked. "By the way, these are legit. At least, as much as they can be. Frank helped, but you guys have records. Medical histories, and school records, and Cas even has a credit score, all that. So as far as the government goes, you guys are Winchesters."

"What relation are we to you two?" Cas asked curiously. "It might be wise to know that, just in case." Sam said, "Oh, yeah. I got it all printed out for both you guys to go over, your histories and everything, just in case you ever need to know." Sam flushed slightly. "And uh, well, I hope you don't mind, but you kind of married into the family, Cas. I didn't think the brother thing would fly that well since you guys are so-" He gestured between them, "Enamored. So you and Dean are sort of married? Like... On paper, anyway."

"Dude, tell me you're kidding," Dean said, not thinking. He couldn't believe his brother would go that far without their permission. Cas cut off Sam's retort. "Dean, this is actually a good idea. We're a couple anyway. Don't have a fit over it. This was very sweet of Sam. And what about Maddie?" Cas turned back to Sam. "I made her our little sister, basically. I figured since she was so young it might be weird to be anything else." Maddie scoffed and smacked him in the abdomen, gesturing between her and Dean. "Yeah, I know. You guys are soul mates and all that. I'm not saying it's weird, just that it might look weird if you had to go to the hospital or something."

"Yeah, that won't be happening. Archangel guardian, still here." Sam shrugged dismissively. "Yeah, but still. Anyways, now you can get your tattoo."

"She's getting a tattoo?"  
  
"Yeah. An anti-possession. That's what that is." Dean pointed to the sketchbook. He was still fuming, but he knew Cas was right. That had been smart. And nice. Shit.  
  
"Shouldn't I have one as well?"  
  
"Well... Yeah, actually." Dean said. He hadn't thought about him not having one. Stupid.

"I think I know what I want. Maddie, could you draw it out for me?" She nodded and quickly flipped to a new sheet of paper. She pointed to the star on Dean's chest and Cas nodded. "Yes. That should be in the middle."   
  
She promptly sketched it out, then looked up at Cas, waiting. He walked around the table and whispered it in her ear, annoying Dean. That was the second time he'd done that. Gabriel was smirking, so he knew the bastard knew. Sammy had started cooking breakfast behind him, which was awesome. He was hungry. Maddie started drawing again as soon as Cas sat back down. She sketched out a pair of folded wings, Cas's wings, he realized, on either side of the star. And then she began writing across the top of it. Ex Nihilo, Poiesis. Then along the bottom of the circle, Ex Gratia Ex Animo. Poiesis wasn't Latin, was it? He didn't recognize it.   
  
"What's that mean?" Cas flushed but responded, "Out of nothing, creation, given as a gift from the heart."

"What are you talking about Cas?"

"I would never be the person I am today without you and Sam. You taught me right from wrong and forgave me, helped me. You made me who I am, just by being who you are. I thought it should be commemorated." Dean felt like there was a little ball of sunshine sitting in his chest. That was really, really sweet. And he really, really wanted to kiss Cas. So he did. He leaned across the table and kissed him. Behind him, he heard Sam made a disgusted noise. "No PDA at the table!" They broke apart laughing. Maddie was insanely fast at drawing, and Cas's tattoo was almost finished. they all talked easily for a while, well, minus Maddie, as she finished the drawing. She tore it out and handed it to Cas questioningly.   
  
"Thank you, Maddie. It's perfect." She blushed and her lips quirked up into an honest to God actual smile. It made Dean's heart skip. He didn't mention it though, he didn't want to tempt fate or something. She turned back to her own tattoo and started writing.

Around the inside arch of Gabriel's wing, she wrote Dum Spiro, Spero. And inside the curve of Cas's wing, she wrote Esto Perpetua. Across the bottom of the circle, outside the flames, Noli Me Tangere. He actually knew those. _While I breathe, I hope. It is everlasting. Let nothing touch me._ Damn, that was pretty awesome. Wait a second. "You know Latin?"

He questioned her incredulously. She crinkled her nose and see-sawed her hand. 'Sort of.' "Hey, Maddie?" Gabriel said, with a small, genuine smile. She looked up at him. "Fortes Fortuna juvat, amore. Alea iacta est de novo." She was looking up at him with big eyes. Dean looked at Cas for a translation. "Fortune favors the brave, love. The die is cast anew." What the hell was that supposed to mean? Maddie seemed to understand it though, she was looking up at Gabriel with grateful eyes. Sam sat plates down on the table in front of Dean and Cas and the moment was gone, but Dean was seriously wondering what the hell he missed.  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got the Latin out of a book I have, and I'm sure it's completely messed up, so forgive me. And hey, I didn't leave you with a cliffhanger this time. Not really anyway, :P I hope I described the tattoos accurately enough for you to be able to sorta picture them.


	29. Tattoos and Anxiety

~Castiel~  
~October 4th~

 

They were driving along the highway on their way to the tattoo parlor. They had called two days ago and managed to book appointments. They'd come down on the second and given the drawings of their tattoos to the artist, who had said it wouldn't be a problem to do, that she and her other best artist would get right on it. They had discussed the sizes, and various colors that would go into them, as well as the cost. It would take two sessions for his and Maddie's tattoos to be finished. They'd scheduled the next appointment on the same day, and within an hour of each other so that they would only have to make one trip. They had to tell the tattoo artist that Maddie was mute to make up for her lack of speaking. She'd smiled and nodded understandingly, and she was actually very good. She didn't try to leave Maddie out of the conversations about their tattoos and had asked her many questions, which Castiel had answered. 

She promised they would be happy with the result. Maddie and Cas had opted for the backseat of the Impala since Sam called shotgun. Halfway through the drive, Maddie's hand had reached across the backseat and grabbed his. She gave him a worried look, unsure, but he squeezed her hand and tangled their fingers together. She breathed a small sigh of relief. It felt like it had been so long since they'd spent any time together. This was perfect, at least for Cas. He had noticed a change the morning they had decided to get tattoos.

He seemed better, emotionally speaking. Not so raw. He wasn't nearly as worried about Maddie. He was still worrying plenty, but it wasn't panicking him or anything like it had been. Sam was looking at them through the rearview mirror curiously. Castiel was forever grateful that Dean had sat Sam down and explained the entire polyamory situation to him while Maddie had been catatonic. 

Sam had been a little shocked by it, but had taken it in stride. Castiel was beginning to think there was something between him and Gabriel besides dislike and distrust. They still snarked at each other, but there was something there that he couldn't quite grasp at. A tension, or perhaps an energy. He would think about it later, right now he was enjoying having the sunshine on his face and the pleasant sounds of Bon Jovi filling the car. Maddie was staring at the window, but she would randomly squeeze his hand, and slide her thumb across his skin. It made his hand tingle when she did that so he did it back to her, watching her reaction. She had gasped the first time he did, but now she was prepared for it. She kept doing it occasionally, so he could only assume she liked it or was neutral about it. 

Her eyes were lit up as she stared outside at the sunlight passing through the leaves on the trees, and all the land they were passing. Cas was equally happy to be out of the bunker, even if he was on his way to go get stabbed with a needle thousands of times. He was more than a little nervous about it, but he thought he would be okay. They would see, he supposed. At least Dean would be with him. The tattoo artist, her name was Olivia, had said it was fine, as long as Castiel was comfortable with it. He was. She was very astute and had questioned politely if they were a couple. 

Castiel had proudly told her that they had been married in June, which was what their fake records said, he had made sure to remember that just in case. Oddly enough, she hadn't questioned the lack of wedding rings. She had smiled brightly and congratulated them and had shown them a picture of her wife. He wondered if that was a common thing with homosexual couples, or if that was purely an Olivia thing. He didn't know, and perhaps it did not matter, but either way, she had been very accepting, thankfully. Castiel hadn't been thinking about her possibly being homophobic when she'd asked. Dean had told him afterward he needed to be a bit smarter about that. 

Kansas wasn't as bad as the southern states, but they'd still find a lot of conservative, religious people that wouldn't like it. Some might even get violent about it, so Cas had promised he'd be more careful, not that he thought they couldn't handle a couple of ruffians. They were driving through town now and would be reaching the tattoo parlor soon. His nervousness was growing by the second. Maddie squeezed his hand and looked over at him reassuringly. 'It'll be okay.' her expression seemed to say. They had all become accustomed to reading Maddie's expressions, and Castiel was quite good at it, he was proud to say, though he hated the reason for her silence. Regardless, communication was key, and they all understood her quite well. 

He smiled gratefully at her. He'd noticed that he'd taken to not talking a lot when she was around. They mostly communicated through gestures and facial expressions. It was odd, and he hadn't done it on purpose, but she seemed to appreciate it, actually. As far as he knew, he was the only one that did it. She seemed very familiar with the concept of silent conversations. He wondered if she had ever lost her voice before. He would ask, but if she had that would most likely be a very painful topic. Oh. Solution. He could just ask Gabriel. He would most likely tell him. Castiel didn't think it was something she would mind him knowing. They pulled into the tattoo parlor parking lot, and the engine shut off. Maddie released his hand regretfully and began to climb out of the car. He did the same, emerging the same time Sam hoisted his big body up to his full height. It was almost amusing. Dean looked at them both. "Are you guys ready for this?"

"I believe so," Cas said in reply, trying to make his voice sound strongly, but he suspected he might've failed. Maddie nodded firmly. She didn't look scared at all, and he wondered how she achieved that. Perhaps she really wasn't. He didn't know how she did that either. She had never done this before either. Well, they would see how this panned out, he guessed. Dean smacked the top of the car and said, "Alright, well come on guys. Let's get this started." Dean sounded bright and cheery but he was eyeing Cas with a worried glance. Betraying how he felt he smiled back at him reassuringly. 

They all headed inside, Sam and Maddie in the lead, then Dean and Cas. The parlor was darker than outside but still bright. Cas had been surprised to see that the walls were painted a light yellow color, and the waiting area was similar to a doctor's office, with fake potted plants, and comfortable-ish chairs. The tattoo parlors he'd seen on TV all looked disgusting and dark. But he supposed television was not the best medium for accurate representations of the world. Olivia greeted them with a wide smile. "Hey, guys, right on time. Everybody ready?" Olivia was a perky blonde with green eyes, and she was wearing comfortable looking jeans and a t-shirt, in an odd contrast to the professional environment that they were in. 

It was her shop that she owned and ran, so he supposed she could dress how she liked. He liked the relaxed atmosphere, it calmed him some, as well as Olivia's sunny disposition. "I think so," Castiel answered her with a smile. Maddie nodded firmly again and gave her a small smile. She'd been doing that more often, but still nowhere near as bright or often as she used to. It was gradually getting better though, and for that he was grateful. "Alright, let's get started. Castiel, I'll be doing your tattoo today, like we discussed. Madelynne," She addressed Maddie, it was almost weird to hear her full name being used anymore, "You met Jen when you guys came in to discuss everything the other day. I chose her to do yours, but we can get someone else if you're uncomfortable." Maddie shook her head and smiled, Castiel interpreted in case Olivia misunderstood. "It's fine with her."

Olivia's smile brightened. "Alright, let's get started. Is he going back with you?" She pointed to Sam, asking Maddie. She nodded. They had discussed this beforehand. Gabriel would also be with her, just hidden between planes. They needed to be prepared just in case anything happened, that was part of the reason why Dean was going back with him. Just in case. None of them would be alone, and Gabriel would be on high alert the entire time. They would be fine. Another girl came out from the back and started leading Sam and Maddie away. She had short brown hair, cut into a style he had been told was called a bob, and a slight southern accent. She had been very kind when they met last, and he thought Maddie would be fine with her doing the tattoo.

Olivia called out for another employee to come man the desk just in case there were any walk-ins. It was a girl named Rachel, and he began to wonder if perhaps the entire establishment was manned by females, as contradictive as that sentence was. Olivia then led him and Dean to another room with an odd chair in it, it looked similar to a chair that would perhaps be in a dental office, so the patient could be reclined or moved according to need. Cas wouldn't be requiring all that. After a lot of thought, he had decided to put his tattoo on his left deltoid muscle. It was the same place that Castiel's handprint had marked Dean's body where he had pulled him from perdition. He thought it was only fitting. Dean had smiled and kissed him fiercely when he explained that. Cas's lips tingled just thinking about it. 

Olivia prompted him into the chair, and Dean sat in a chair similar to the ones in the waiting room. Thankfully he was still in Castiel's line of sight, and it kept him calm. Olivia rolled a table over covered with an array of different instruments and tubes, and the tattoo gun. It looked slightly menacing, but he calmed himself down. He would be fine. He'd been up against much worse things than a little hand-held machine. 

 

~Sam~

Sam followed the girl named Jen into the little room where she began to prepare Maddie to get her tattoo. Sam sat in the corner of the room, where he could still see Maddie's face. She was getting her tattoo along her right hip verging down onto her thigh, and that would mean she was being partially exposed. It had made him uncomfortable at first, but he had gotten over it quickly when Jen explained that they would be using a towel to cover anything private while she did this, and Maddie's backside would be facing away from him. 

As long as Maddie was comfortable with it, so was he. He knew Gabriel was here too, he could feel his wings. Jen had Maddie lay down on the chair on her left side, facing towards Sam. The tattoo artist would be sitting behind Maddie because she was right-handed. That was fine by him, he could keep an eye on her that way. After Maddie was prepped and the blue outline imprinted onto her skin Jen asked her again if she was okay with this, and Maddie gave a strong nod. Jen said, "Alright, let's get started then. If you need a minute or something anytime during, just let me know. You can just signal me, okay? I promise I'll be paying attention." Maddie gave her another firm nod and smiled slightly. Jen picked up the tattoo gun, and prepared it, and soon the buzzing sound of it working filled the room. Maddie winced sometimes, but mostly her face was relaxed. Sam took the opportunity to look through the book of drawings and tattoos that was sitting on the table next to him. Maybe he could get another tattoo. He liked them fine. Hmm... 

He wasn't quite sure how much time passed, but it was a while when the buzzing finally stopped. He looked up and Jen was laying the tattoo gun down. "Alright, that's the end of this session. We've got the main outline of the wings, and the star, as well as the flames and the words, are done. Your next session will be color, mostly, I think. There might be a bit more shading to be done in the wings before the color, but that's really up to you." 

Maddie nodded and looked down at her side, smiling. "Look good?" Jen asked. She nodded enthusiastically. "Oh yeah. She likes it. You did a good job." Sam said, and Jen turned to smile at him. "Thanks. All about making sure the customers are happy. So Madelynne, are you okay with me doing the next session? I'm more than happy to." Maddie nodded again still smiling. She was really excited about her tattoo. Jen cleaned her up and told her everything about the aftercare. Sam was listening with a careful ear, just in case Maddie forgot anything, though he didn't think that was likely, she was listening with rapt attention. 

She got a cream to rub into it, and as they left the room, Jen said, "I'll see you next week!" Maddie turned and smiled at her, waving. Her black stretch pants she was wearing didn't put any pressure on the tattoo, and she didn't like it was bothering her too much as they walked back into the waiting room where Cas and Dean were waiting for them. They both lit up like Christmas trees seeing how brightly Maddie was smiling. Cas's left sleeve was rolled up and he was showing off a black winged anti-possession symbol. It was tinged red around the edges from irritation and a little swollen. The only thing left to do on Cas's would be the coloring in the wings. He looked ecstatic to see Maddie smiling like she was. Hell, Dean did too, and Sam was pretty happy himself.

It had sucked the last couple weeks, her being so sorrowful. Maybe she'd start talking again soon, but he didn't hold out hope. He missed their conversations, but Maddie wouldn't even text, or write notes. Gabriel said that she wasn't ready for any kind of words yet. Sam understood. He was just waiting not so patiently to hear her voice again. He knew life in the bunker would be much brighter once she started talking again.

 

~Castiel~

 

Joy spread through him at seeing Maddie so happy and smiling so brightly. He hadn't seen that in what felt like years. She came over to them and Cas could practically feel her happiness radiating from her. He had no idea why she was so excited about having been repeatedly stabbed by a tiny ink-covered needle, but to each their own, he supposed. She was almost dancing in place, vibrating with joy, and he and Dean couldn't help but smile back at her. Sam was over talking to Rachel and swiping the credit card to pay for the tattoos. Maddie's eyes widened as she looked at something over Dean's shoulder. They both turned to look. All Castiel saw was a poster covered in pictures of various ear piercings. Dean turned and looked at her, a slightly amused smile on his lips.

"What is it, Maddie?" She stepped forward and pointed to one. It was a long bar going across the top of the woman's ear, it required two piercings in the pinna. One in the outer shell, and one on the inner fold. It was called an industrial piercing. She grabbed her right ear and pointed at the picture then looked at Dean hopefully. He laughed. "Don't you have enough piercings?" She shook her head emphatically. 'No.' It made Castiel laugh. She had seven ear piercings. 

Two on each lobe, the bottom of which were actually gaged and she wore something called tapers in them, which to him just looked kind of like spikes, or maybe angel blades. She had two regular piercings in the top piece of cartilage on her left ear, and one in the same place on her right. Dean grinned widely. "If you want one..." He sighed dramatically, but Maddie started doing a little happy dance. She knew Dean was going to give her what she wanted. Like Dean would ever purposefully do something to make that smile disappear. Rachel came over when she noticed the commotion. 

"Are we wanting something else done? I noticed she was pointing at the poster." Maddie nodded and looked at Dean pleadingly, her body clearly saying, 'Please?' Dean laughed. "Fine. Yeah. She wants an industrial. Whatever that is." Rachel smiled at Maddie, who was clearly very excited. "Alright. Do you want to get it done now, or would you like to come back? It'll take about two minutes if that makes a difference." Dean didn't even look at Maddie. "Now, I'm guessing. She's excited." Rachel smiled brightly. "I can tell. Come on sweetie, we'll go pick out a bar, and get you set up. It won't take long at all." She led Maddie back into the hallway, another small room. Cas had a moment of panic because she was by herself but then he remembered Gabriel, and he knew that he wouldn't let anything happen to her.

"She's really cute like that, isn't she?" Dean said quietly, still smiling. Castiel looked over at him adoringly. "Yeah, she is. Did you see how brightly she was smiling? I haven't seen her that happy in what feels like forever." Dean nodded. "Yeah, I know. I couldn't say no to that face. It was just too cute. And I didn't want her to stop smiling." Castiel slid over and wrapped his arms around Dean's waist. 

"Admit it, you're a softie." Dean scoffed but looked down at Cas with a fond smile. "Only with you guys. But don't let that get out. It'd ruin my reputation." Sam's voice called from behind them, "Sitting right here you know." Dean closed his eyes and cursed. "Shit." Cas and Sam started laughing. It wasn't like Sam didn't already know that anyway. They heard a door open and close, and then Maddie was walking up to them. Big smile still in place. She swept her hair behind her right ear which was now quite red, and Castiel admired the silver bar going through(across?) her ear. It was actually quite attractive, he was surprised to find himself thinking. His breathing kind of stuttered when he noticed the balls she had chosen to put on either end of the bar. They were modeled to look like gemstones, though he doubted they actually were. One was a deep bright blue, almost a sapphire, and the other was a light green color, like peridot stones. Like his and Dean's eyes.

Dean noticed too, he could tell just by the way his breathing changed. She turned and smiled at them, a question in her eyes. "It's perfect, Maddie," Cas told her. Her eyes grew bright and her cheeks flushed. Sam went to pay Rachel after they thanked her again and made their way out to the car. Maddie's hair was blowing with the wind, and Cas caught the faint scent of strawberries. Oh, stars, how he had missed that. 

Maddie's eyes were alight, and the sun was shining on her skin, she looked more healthy and less haunted than she had in weeks. "Dean? I don't want to go home yet. Do you think we could find something to do?" Maddie turned to him excitedly. Maybe she'd been thinking the same thing. Dean shrugged. "I guess so. I don't know what- Oh yeah I do. Never mind." 

"What are we doing?" Excitement was leaking through his veins and granted, he could control it now, he didn't. "It's a surprise, Cas. No hints. Gabriel, you better have their asses, I've gotta talk to Sam for a minute." Something made Dean's head jerk forward and he rubbed the back of with his hand cursing. "Did he just whap me with his wings?" Cas laughed. "Looks like it." Dean muttered, "Asshole." and walked inside to Sam who was still talking with Rachel. Maddie grabbed his hand to get his attention, which he turned on her. She pointed to her newly pierced ear then back at him, a question in her eyes. "Yes, I really like it. I love the colors you chose. Am I correct in assuming the reason?" 

He pointed to his own eyes. Maddie blushed and nodded. Castiel smiled brightly. "I thought so. Perhaps I should get a piercing. I find the idea oddly appealing." Maddie's shoulders started shaking with silent laughter. No sound escaped her, but she was actually laughing. Joy bloomed through him at a dizzying pace, and he found himself wearing the widest smile he had probably ever worn. "Not that I begrudge you your laughter, but why is that so funny?" Cas was giggling now himself, and he didn't even know why. He was just caught up in laughing with Maddie. 

She pointed to his naval and started laughing harder. He was horrified. "Absolutely not. Never." It made her laugh harder, and now tears were swimming in her eyes. She finally took a deep breath, trying to calm down, but she just burst out laughing again when she looked at him. Dean and Sam had joined them at some point though Cas wasn't sure when, but when he looked over at them they were staring at them, dumbstruck. Maddie seemed to notice too, and her laughter kind of dried up but she was still smiling as she wiped the moisture from her eyes. "Do I wanna know?" Dean asked. "Maddie seems to think it would be amusing if I were to get my belly button pierced." Dean's eyes widened and he started laughing as Sam snorted and started chuckling. "Oh God, next it'll be belly dancing lessons." Dean smacked him on the shoulder, and Sam walked around to the passenger side of the car. "Come on guys, hop in. We've got something to do." Castiel was confused at why he wouldn't explain. 

When they pulled into the mall parking lot Cas was very confused. Dean turned around and fixed them both with a serious look. "Alright. We're going clothes shopping guys, no complaints, not even from me, and believe me, that's not easy. You have almost no clothes," he pointed at Maddie, then pointed at Cas, "And you just wear mine. That needs to be fixed, so come on. We're going to go shopping." Sam was trying to stifle his laughter but it wasn't working. "You're such a diva, Dean. Who knew?" Dean shot him a dirty look. "Bitch."  
"Jerk."  
"Assbutts." 

Cas threw in, because why not. Everyone looked at him in surprise, and Maddie burst into another round of silent laughter and they started getting out of the car. As she closed to the door she shot a wary glance at the front of the building, which was bustling with people at this time of the afternoon. She looked a little worried, but squared her shoulders, and began to follow Dean and Sam who had started walking. Cas followed her, and caught up to her quickly, and before he was even thinking about it, he slid his fingers against hers and they were holding hands. She smiled at him gratefully and squeezed his hand. 

She was worried about being around so many people, he could tell. He wasn't exactly completely at ease with it himself. Dean and Sam moved to where they were flanking them as they got closer to the doors. Whether they did it consciously or not, Cas didn't know, but he was still thankful for it. Maddie relaxed a bit as Sam settled next to her, and Dean next to him. He felt a little more protected, and some of his anxiety melted away, thankfully. When they entered, it wasn't quite as busy as Castiel had thought it was. There were a lot of people, but not as many as he had thought there would be. Good. 

The mall was all bright lights, and very potent perfumes, and gleaming tiles and fake plants. Castiel didn't exactly dislike it, but it wasn't his favorite place either. Sam led them through different hallways(?) and two plazas before he reached the store he wanted and they entered. Cas didn't even have time to catch the name of it before he was being whisked away by Sam, leaving Dean with Maddie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know why I put this much detail into this chapter, lol. I really don't know what I was thinking, but I hope you weren't too terribly bored, it's the calm before the storm, really.


	30. Would You Like Me To Kiss You Now?

~Dean~

 

"Hey, you okay?" Maddie's eyes were wide and she was looking around quickly, very alert and looking slightly panicked. She nodded, but Dean didn't believe her. He pulled on her hand, and her eyes shot up to his. "Hey, it's alright. We're not going to let anything happen to you. You know that. What is it? The people?" Maddie nodded reluctantly. "Look, hey, look at me, it's okay. I won't leave your side if that's what you want, okay? And if it gets too much, let me know, and we'll leave, alright?" She nodded slowly and gave him a small, almost shy smile.

Dean started leading her through the store, heading for the women's section. He was pretty much lost when it came to this, shopping being more Sam's department like the rest of the teenage girls, but he could probably manage. Hopefully, he wouldn't be bored out of his mind the whole time, but he didn't think he would. He was with Maddie. She looked around nervously. When they reached the correct section, and he wasn't going to lie, he felt a bit like a pervert standing there, Maddie kind of froze and looked up at him questioningly. "Shirts?" Dean suggested. She shrugged her shoulders and they started making there way through to where the shirts were. Or were they called blouses? Whatever. He wondered if Maddie was the type of female that has to try on every single thing before getting it. He was very happy to find out that no, she wasn't. She picked out three t-shirts off a rack.

Each time she picked one she would show it to him and pretty much ask if she could get it. He finally told her that he didn't care if she bought out the store, just to get what she wanted. She shook her head shyly but got the shirt. They then made their way over to the shelves that were holding pants. She picked out two pairs of jeans, both dark and boot-cut, and a pair of grey cargo pants with like eight million pockets, and that tied at the ankles, that he thought she would look hot as hell in. What had he just been thinking? Oh yeah, boots. She's going to be hunting, eventually, she'd need some. "You need to get a pair of boots while we're here." She gave him a confused look but then she nodded, clearly understanding. They headed over to the shoe section, and Dean grabbed a basket as they went, just so she didn't have to hold everything.

He was more than a little surprised she wasn't making him carry it. Every female he'd ever been shopping with treated him more or less as a pack mule. But Maddie wasn't like that. She didn't even look like she'd thought about it at all. Dean started pointing out different pairs of boots that would work the best, and she tried three pairs on, before settling on the third pair. He loved them. Sturdy black combat boots. Fucking hot.

He smirked to himself. God, he was a mess. They went to find Cas and Sam then, tracking them to the other side of the store, where Sam was actually pushing a buggy. It was full of all kinds of stuff. Shirts, and pants, and boots, two different jackets and a coat. Shit, he'd forgotten about that. They were zooming off as quickly as they'd showed up and heading towards the coat section. It was already cold, and to the best of his knowledge, the only thing Maddie had was a grey sweatshirt that looked like it'd been through the wringer. He questioned her sanity when she picked out a bright orange jacket. But it made her smile, so they got it. Then she picked a black coat. He didn't know what it was made of, but it was soft, and almost looked like leather, but whatever, as long as Maddie liked it. She saw something then that made her eyes light up. He turned around to look. He laughed very hard when he saw what it was. It was a bright azure colored, and no, he didn't know where he learned that word, thick sweatshirt that had a black Nike symbol on it, except instead of ending in the little curve that made it a check mark, it ended in a fist with the middle finger sticking up, and instead of saying 'Just do it.' it said, 'Just fuck it.'

Oh, they were definitely getting that. She silently started laughing for the third time that day, and he couldn't have been happier. On their way back to find Sam and Cas they picked up a pack of socks, which made him think of other things that you wear under clothes. "Do you need any other kind of, uh, underwear?" She closed her eyes like the comment pained her but she was smiling a bit and shook her head no. "Are you sure? Like bras or anything?" She looked at him incredulously.

"What?" She pulled the collar of her shirt over and he saw that her shoulder was bare. Oh. "Never?" She shook her head, looking amused. Oh, hell. She never wore bras. How had he not noticed that before? But he definitely was going to now, probably without even trying to. He'd never met a girl that didn't wear bras, especially ones that actually have boobs. Maddie was a generous size C if he had to guess. And he'd had plenty of experience in that department he thought with a wry grin. They made their way over to Sam and Cas who had acquired flannel shirts much to Dean's amusement. He looked at Maddie curiously and she shook her head. Her expression was, 'absolutely not.' It made him laugh. After a while, they checked out, and Dean barely even glanced at the cost before swiping the card. It wasn't like it mattered.

They carried all the bags out and stuck them in the trunk of the Impala. He still had one more surprise for them all. When they were in the car and the radio was blaring one of his favorite songs by Kansas, Sam and Cas fell into an easy discussion about more places Sam wanted to take Cas, and he felt eyes on him. He looked up into the rearview and found clear, almost crystal light grey eyes looking at him. The look was... hungry almost. Not in a sexy kind of way, just... in a wanting kind of way.

She turned away to look out the window when she saw him watching, her expression dark. Shit. She'd been so happy today. Maybe it would turn around. He needed to talk to Cas tonight. He wanted Maddie sleeping back with them. If Cas could handle it Dean wouldn't take no for an answer. They both missed her presence and he had a feeling it would help her. She'd been distancing herself from him and Cas because of Cas's emotions being so raw, but he seemed a lot better the last few days. So maybe she could stop that stupid shit because Dean was getting sick of it. He drove to the edge of the city, finally finding the place he wanted. It was a not so public park, and it had a duck pond and walking trails and a shit ton of trees and it just seemed like the right place to go. Maddie's eyes lit up when she realized and she nearly scrambled out of the car. It made him smile to see her so happy.

Her and Cas almost ran for the duck pond, leaving him and Sam by the car. They'd catch up in a minute. He looked up when he realized Sam was staring at him. "What?" His voice was soft, "You really love them, don't you?"

He looked back over at Maddie and Cas, Cas was trying to coax one of the ducks to come to him, but it just kept quacking at him. Dean didn't really want to talk about it, but he did kind of want to, too. It was complicated, but this whole hiding-everything-he-feels thing was getting old. He looked back at Maddie and Cas, both of them caught in the sunlight, almost seeming to glow. "Yeah. Yeah I do. A lot." Sam looked shocked, but he didn't say anything. Then he kind of smiled sheepishly at him. "So does that mean you're not mad about the whole marriage thing then?" Dean laughed. "Oh no, I'm still mad you went behind my back about it. But it's alright. It was a really good idea, and it made Cas happy." Sam seemed happy for a second before his face fell again. "Speaking of behind your back, umm..." Oh shit. "What?" Dean's tone held a note of warning. Sam flushed slightly. "Well... uh... I don't really know how to say this..."

"Spit it out, Sam."

"Uh, Gabriel and I are kind of dating. Sort of. It's complicated." Dean felt his mouth drop open in shock. What the hell? One, how had he not noticed that? Two, when the hell had it happened? And three, his brother was gay? And to tack a fourth one on, Gabriel of all people? Seriously? Sam rushed to explain everything, probably guessing what was going through Dean's head. "Yeah, it's a little complicated, but I've kinda liked him for a while, and uh," He scratched the back of his neck, "He likes me too. It only happened on like the first, but I wanted to tell you. We don't exactly know how to label it, but... You're not mad are you?"

Dean swallowed several times before he was able to talk. "Ahh... No. I'm not mad. Just surprised. You're gay?" Sam laughed heartily. "No. I'm bisexual. Just like you, I presume?" He raised his eyebrows. "Yeah. Wow... I was not expecting this. Gabe?" Sam nodded. "I can't explain it at all. Actually... uh, so get this... God is trying to set us up apparently. Yeah, it's really weird, but uh, he's being super pushy about it to Gabriel."

"What? Seriously? He couldn't help out with the damned Apocalypse and now he's playing The Bachelor? That's not suspicious at all," Dean said sarcastically.

"That's pretty much what I was thinking. It's weird. I didn't think he was even still around or anything. Like, uh, watching, I guess. But it doesn't really matter. We'll figure it out. I just wanted to tell you." Sam cast him a sideways glance. "Dude, are you looking for approval or something? I'm not judging. Hell, I really can't." He gestured to Maddie and Cas. "You just do you. And Gabe. Or whatever, you know what, I don't want to think about who's pitching and who's catching." Sam sputtered, which had been the reaction he'd been hoping for. Dean started laughing, and it made Sam smile too. "I'm glad you're happy, Dean."

"Me too, Sam. It's... honestly, it's a little weird, but amazing at the same time. I wouldn't trade it for the world." And he meant it. If it came down to them or another apocalypse he was going to be selfish as hell and chose them, whether he was damned for it or not. "Good. Don't screw it up." Dean laughed sardonically. "I'll do my best, but no guarantees."

"Dean! Come look at this!" Cas called, and he looked over at Cas. Oh wow. The ducks were following Maddie around. They were walking in a hoard behind her, and they weren't even babies. The adult ducks followed her around like a mama bird. She shot them a panicked look that clearly said, 'What the hell is this?' Dean didn't know but it was funny.

Gabriel popped up beside Dean, scaring the shit out of him. "It's because of your gift, Mads. They're attracted to it." Gabriel was laughing and watching Maddie as the ducks waddled after her no matter how quickly she walked. Cas was enchanted and he watched intently. She shrugged and sat down in the grass next to Cas, who was shocked to suddenly have ducks all over him. That was too much. Dean doubled over laughing as they were swarmed with ducks. "Help!" Cas said, and Gabriel went and shoo the ducks off, but every now and then one or two would come and start walking behind Maddie again. One actually let her pick it up, and she petted it for a bit, looking a little in awe. She loved animals, he had already known that.

She really liked cats, but he was allergic to cats. Besides, they were evil bastards. She handed the duck to Cas, and it actually let him hold it and pet it too, which was super adorable. When Maddie walked away from him though it quacked and flapped into the water again, leaving a disgruntled Cas covered in feathers, which had them all laughing.

After the ducks, they all took to walking down the trail. He knew Gabriel was on high alert for any kind of threat, so he allowed himself to relax a little bit, and enjoy. Maddie and Cas were a lot like kids, racing around, and pointing out flowers and birds, and just really damned excited to be outside.

It made him smile fondly at them, they were bonding. It was cute. He'd seen them holding hands earlier. It had sent a sad little pang through him before it made him happy. He hadn't done that with Maddie, but she did it with Cas. He didn't know why it was different, but it bothered him. He nearly jumped out of his skin when Cas shrieked, and he was immediately alert. It only took him a few seconds before he started laughing though. Maddie had nearly jumped into Sam's arms, scaring the shit out of Cas, because she'd nearly walked into a big ass spider web stretching across the trail, with a huge black spider sitting in it. Gabriel used his Grace and relocated the spider and it's web somewhere far away and Maddie breathed a small sigh of relief. "She has arachnophobia." Gabriel supplied.

Ahh. That made more sense now. Maddie shuddered in horror as she passed where the spider had been and he noticed her unconsciously rubbing her arms. Jeez, those really freaked her out. Eventually, they reached the spot where the path turned back towards the parking lot, and they started walking down it. Maddie and Cas were holding hands and Gabriel was walking next to Sam behind them. Dean was bringing up the back of the pack, watching them all. His family. Gabriel was like the weird cousin that just kinda showed up sometimes. Dean didn't exactly consider him family, like at all, but he'd gotten used to him being around, and he trusted him to guard Maddie. Which was pretty much trusting him with his life. Dean would fucking lose it if anything happened to her, just like if anything happened to Cas.

He eyed Sam and Gabriel carefully, noticing how they looked at each other and moved almost in sync. How had he not noticed that?

He guessed he'd been kind of distracted lately. He and Sam had talked about the whole taking a break from hunting thing after Maddie had gone all catatonic on them, and they were currently on sabbatical. Vacation? Hiatus? What the hell ever. He was happy about it. He knew eventually crap would hit the fan again and they'd jump back in, but for now he was enjoying the calm before the inevitable storm. They reached the parking lot and everybody, minus Gabriel, climbed back into the car. He wrapped his hand around the steering wheel and breathed deeply. He loved the smell of Baby. Warm leather, and road dust, and his shampoo, which made sense since he spent so much time driving.

He started her up, reveling in the smooth rumble of her engine, and put her drive to pull out of the parking lot. When he glanced up into the rearview mirror Maddie stared sadly out the window, and Cas was staring at her worriedly. They pulled out and her smile returned as they started driving down the road. She seemed to like being in the car. He bet it was because of what she'd told him about her childhood.

Nostalgic, almost. She had said she missed it. Maybe they should start going more places. She wasn't contained in the bunker, she just hadn't expressed an interest to really leave. He'd "talk" to her about it. As he glanced back up at her he noticed a twinkling at her chest. He had noticed the stone forever ago, it was a pretty necklace. It just seemed familiar somehow, and Dean couldn't put his finger on why. He liked it, nevertheless. It suited her. Cas and Sam started up an easy conversation about photography, but Dean was only listening with half an ear. His mind was actually on Christmas of all things. It would be different this year. Maddie, and a human Cas, and possibly, probably, Gabriel. Maybe they should actually decorate, and do the whole Christmas tree thing. Hmm... And Jesus, what would he get everybody? If he was going to go all out and actually do Christmas, then he needed to do it right.

That required presents. Shit. Suddenly the idea didn't seem so appealing, but he was still going to do it, he decided. Cas deserved an actual Christmas, and it would be his first one, more or less. And maybe it would help Maddie somehow. Oh God. Dean realized that he was thinking she'd still be silent at Christmas. Christ, he hoped it didn't last that long. He didn't know if he could stand it.

 

~Castiel~

 

He helped Dean and Sam carry their bags in and deposit them in the bedrooms. There weren't that many, but still, he felt like he should help. He was excited about his new clothing. He loved wearing Dean's clothes, they smelled of him and it wrapped Cas up in his scent when he put them on, but having something of his own, something permanently his, it felt nice. It felt right. It was becoming all the more apparent just how much of a home this was, and how much of a family they were. It was fantastic, and Cas couldn't get enough of the feeling honestly. As he was wondering out of Dean's room, which Cas had pretty much moved into, he passed Maddie's room. Her door was open and Cas's heart stuttered when he realized what she was doing. Dean had installed a mirror for her on the wall, and she was admiring the new tattoo in it.

She was holding the side of her pants down to do it and granted, nothing was really showing except her bare hip, it still made his mouth go dry.

She noticed him then and blushed shyly as she adjusted her pants. She looked at him worriedly. 'Sorry'. The expression was so clear it could be nothing else. He waved a hand. "No. It's okay. I'm sorry, I was just walking by and your door was open." She nodded and basically signaled that it was fine. She pointed at her hip, asking a silent question. "It looks really good. I can't wait to see it when it's finished." She colored slightly and he realized what he had said, what he was implying. "I- I'm sorry, Maddie. I didn't mean that-"

She was laughing at him as she walked over and gave him a warm hug, nuzzling her face into his shoulder. 'It's okay.' He read Maddie so easily, she didn't even need to speak, though the thought of never hearing her voice again was beyond painful. She pulled back a little, locking her grey eyes with his blue ones. The moment changed, suddenly the embrace seemed different. Intimate. And he liked it. She glanced down at his lips then back up at him. Her eyes were full of words that he hoped he was understanding correctly. He wanted to do this.

He whispered softly, "Would you like me to kiss you now?" She smiled slightly at his bluntness but nodded shyly all the same. Cas brought his right hand up to cradle her cheek. Her eyes fluttered shut and she leaned into the touch, rubbing her cheek against his hand. He realized that she had missed him just like he'd missed her. The thought made his chest feel like it was full of glowing warmth. He leaned down slowly, she was only a couple of inches shorter than him so it shouldn't have taken very long, but it felt like years passed as his lips slowly came closer to hers. They were already tingling, whether with anticipation or for some other reason he didn't know. After so many perfect frozen moments in time, their lips touched. A white-hot bolt of energy surged through him, and he had never felt such a feeling of rightness except for when he was kissing Dean.

Her lips were soft, and warm, and pliable, and sweet. Using the skills Dean had taught him, he tasted her.

So sweet, like ripe berries, and fresh rain in the morning. It was rapturous. She softly licked into his mouth, tasting him, and her hands slid up his neck into his hair. His left hand did the same, and her hair was so soft and feather light it was almost like it wasn't there. It felt like silk against his skin. Their tongues slid almost lazily against each other. Learning, tasting, enjoying. It was so amazing. It was just about the feeling. There was no rush, or urge for more, everything just felt so perfect. They held each other for centuries, or maybe mere minutes, kissing. When they finally broke apart, Cas had to say the words, the emotion was filling him with a sort of joy and lightness he rarely experienced, and he had to let her know she had done that. "I love you, Maddie." He murmured into her skin, and he felt a zing of something shoot through him. She pushed him back a little until they were looking into each other's eyes. Her right hand caressed his cheek and her thumb ran across his cheekbone. The gesture was clear. 'I love you too.'

 

~From the journal of Dean Winchester~  
~October 4th~

_Okay, so I don't even know why the hell I'm doing this. Cas has been nagging at me about it for weeks though, he said that it would, "help me understand." I don't know what he's going on about. I understand everything just fine, thank you very much. I swear, I think this is some sort of big practical joke. Probably Sam's idea. But I don't see Cas going along with that. I don't know why he wants me to make one though. What the hell do I need it for? I don't even know what I'm supposed to write. Cas said something about feelings, and impressions, and memories. That's way too chick flick for me. Him telling me that makes me want to read his though. I wonder what he's said about me. And Maddie. That would be interesting, I think. I don't even know where I'm supposed to start with this. Alright Cas, I get it, Jesus. He just texted me saying I better be writing about what happened today. Is he a mind-reader or something? No. Not anymore, but still. Maybe he's a mutant. That wouldn't surprise me honestly. Something weird is always going on in our lives. Just to spite him, I'm not writing about today. It's not like he'll know anyway, *evil laughter*. I think him and Maddie kissed today. It's just a guess, but it was kind of obvious. Cas had his sex hair going on, and his lips were all puffy and swollen in the way that makes me want to grab him and lay him across the nearest hard surface. Maddie was blushing, and her lips were the same way. It doesn't exactly take a genius. I'm glad that they're moving forward, I guess. It sucks though. Maddie and me haven't... You know what, I don't wanna write about that. It just seems too... bitchy, and teenage girl. Too much Oprah, or possibly Sam. Whatever. I'm going to stop writing now. I suck at this._

_~Dean_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At least part of this chapter is plot-driving, lol. The rest of it is what? Useless (?)Fluff(?). I don' think that can even be described as fluff, but it works I guess. Thanks to you guys who're reading this, and who comment and put kudos on my story. It encourages me to keep writing. :)


	31. She Blames Herself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sadness and a crying confused Dean. It really didn't deserve a note, but still.

Dean closed the black notebook and threw it on his bed in disgust. Seriously, he sucked at writing. And he didn't even know why Cas wanted him to write a journal anyway. That was his thing. He wondered if Maddie kept one. Probably not lately, since Gabriel said she wasn't doing words of any kind, not even mentally, but maybe before? He kind of wanted to ask but wasn't sure if he should or not. That wasn't really a personal question, and it wasn't like he was asking to read it. Eh, fuck it. He'd ask her later. What time was it? He checked his watch and saw that it was a little after five thirty. About time to get started on some dinner or something. Nobody could've been more surprised than him when he heard music coming from the kitchen before he got there. That was Maddie's music. Nobody else would play Shakira, not even Sam. When he reached the doorway he stopped cold, his mouth suddenly dry and his heart pounding like a jackhammer.

Holy shit. Maddie had said she danced, but goddamn, not like that. Hips Don't Lie was playing, and Maddie had her eyes closed with a spatula in her right hand from where she was using it to flip the frying chicken in the skillet on the stove. Her hips were swinging back and forth, and her arms were swaying the music. Her tight red t-shirt, the one she'd been in when she first got here, he realized, and her black legging things didn't hide any of her curves, and when she moved her arms above her head her t-shirt raised to reveal a stretch of creamy white skin. She was spinning and rocking her hips in time with the music in a fantastic impression of Shakira, though it was really all her own. Yes, he'd seen the video, though he couldn't remember when. It was absolutely hypnotic and sexy as hell. She moved almost like a snake, all sensuous and smooth slides across the tile, and then she'd snap her hips out, or her arms. No part of her body was still. She was fucking gorgeous to watch. She was completely lost in her own world, dancing by herself, and that was just as amazing.

She looked at peace for once, dancing in her own little universe, losing herself to the music and the sway of her body. He loved it with an intensity that surprised him. He remembered then that he'd said he could teach her to dance some proper dances. He wondered if she still wanted that. The song closed to an end and she slid, literally, over to the stove and started flipping the chicken. She was still almost dancing in place, swaying back and forth, and shuffling her feet to a new song, and he wasn't sure how he knew it but he did. Temperature by Sean Paul. What the hell? Maybe he'd asked her at one point or something. He was still watching her when she realized he was there. She tensed suddenly, her back snapping into a straight line, then her shoulders caving into themselves like she was trying to hide.

She turned to face him, her face already filling up with color. "Hey, it's alright. I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to, uh, be creepy or something. I came down to start cooking, but you were already in here." Her eyes closed momentarily and she looked like she wanted to curse or bash her head into the counter. She just turned and stiffly started flipping the chicken again. Dean walked into the kitchen completely and settled his hip against the counter beside her.

"Why are you embarrassed? You dance frigging awesome." She flinched slightly and he had no idea why. "What? Do you not dance in front of people or something? Cause that was awesome." She shook her head no and concentrated intently on the skillet.  
  
"Maddie." She just nodded to show she was listening, but that's not what he wanted. "Mads." His voice came out harder than he expected and she looked up. He cursed himself violently when he saw fear there. Her eyes hardened when she saw his face and she flung her hand out angrily.

'What?' Her jaw was set and she looked like she wanted to punch something. Possibly him. "Sorry. I didn't mean to sound like that." Her face softened so he kept talking. "I didn't mean to walk in on you or anything, but seriously you shouldn't be embarrassed. That was awesome." Her cheeks were still red and she just turned back to the pan again.

"Maddie?" She looked over at him."You kissed Cas earlier." He hadn't really meant to say that, but it happened anyway. Stupid mouth. She paled significantly and her eyes were a little bit wider than normal. She looked up at him apologetically. "No. It's okay. I'm glad even. But... it's just..." He shouldn't say this. He shouldn't push, he knows he shouldn't. But his curiosity is killing him. They haven't even been around each other that much since the incident, and she was his soulmate. He was fine with her being with Cas or whatever, but wasn't she supposed to want to be around him? To do those things with him? It was kind of killing him because he missed her, and he didn't understand. Had he done something to make her not want him? To drive her away or something? It was killing him.

She drew her eyebrows together in a very confused look, so he answered her silent question. "I just... have I done something? To make you not want me or something? I don't get why-" She had sat down the spatula and took his face between her hands firmly, making him look her in the eyes. She shook her head firmly no. His voice was smaller than he wanted it to be, but he couldn't help it. "Then why? Why have you been avoiding me like-" Her hands dropped and he immediately missed the weight. She looked affronted.

She shook her head again firmly, 'No'. "Then what am I missing? You won't - We haven't - Fuck. I know I said I wouldn't push, but I gotta know why. Just tell me that." Her eyes were full of pain and sadness he didn't understand. She raised her hand to his cheek and stroked her thumb across his cheekbone in a way that he knew meant she was apologizing. Then she hugged him. He hugged her back tightly, but he still didn't understand. And she probably couldn't really explain it.

She went back to cooking the chicken with a melancholy look, and he sat in the kitchen chair. It wasn't silent by any means, the chicken was popping and sizzling in the pan, and her computer was still playing music. He didn't recognize the song and didn't care. This whole situation just sucked. He wished Maddie would just frikken talk to him, but he got it. He understood. It still fucking sucked. Maddie turned around and turned to a new song on her laptop. She turned and looked at Dean pleadingly and pointed at her heart, then pointed at Dean's ear and back to the laptop. Okay... The next song that began to play was soft and kind of nice, actually. In a weird way.

_"You're a part-time lover and a full-time friend._   
_The monkey on your back is the latest trend,_   
_I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else, but you."_

She paused the song and gave him those same big pleading eyes and laid her palm flat against her chest, then pointed at Dean. Oh. OH. "Are you trying to tell me that's how you feel?" She nodded enthusiastically. 'Yes!' Oh. Dean's heart kind of melted at that, and she held up a finger, signaling that he wait, and she turned back to her laptop. Then she began to play Forever by Papa Roach again. She let it play through the first verse(?), then paused it before hunting up another song.

She let one line play. _"But I'm only human after all."_  
The next song nearly broke him.  
It was a rap song, but it started off slow and soft with guitar notes.

_"Oh, these hands are tired._   
_Oh, this heart is tired._   
_Oh, this soul is tired._   
_But I'll keep on, I'll keep on, I'll keep on._   
_I'll keep on, I'll keep on, I'll keep on._

_Faith is something I am not accustomed to,_   
_Trusting other people's something I don't really love to do._   
_I've never been a fan of it, I act tough but really,_   
_My shoulders they ain't built for this,_   
_And I don't have nothing._   
_It's like I'm standing in the rain and you offer me a raincoat,_   
_But I would rather stand and take the wet than take the hand out._   
_What's wrong with me?"_

Maddie just kept playing songs, trying to explain what she couldn't say aloud. They were killing him, and the emotions swirling in him were verging on painful.

_"It's like we're on the edge right now, I wish that I could say I'm proud,_   
_I'm sorry that I let you down, Let you down._   
_All these voices in my head get loud, I wish that I could shut them out_   
_I'm sorry that I let you down, let-let-let you down."_

_"I tell you now that living has become somewhat a chore."_

_"I'm never going to run away. Away from you. I open up my heart to you, I'm yours."_

_"I created the sound of madness."_

_"I've become so numb."_

_"What hurts the most was being so close and having so much to say and watching you walk away. And never knowing what could've been."_

_"It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go, but I'm doing it."_

Dean realized the last two lines were about her sister, she was trying to explain to him her silence, and her distance, and there was his answer.

_"Yes, I do. I believe that one day I will be where I was, right there, right next to you._   
_But it's hard. The days just seem so dark. The moon and the stars are nothing without you._   
_Your touch, your skin, where do I begin?_   
_No words can explain the way I'm missing you._   
_Tonight this emptiness, this hole that I'm inside, these tears, they tell their own story."_

Dean knew she was talking about him now. He just knew it. Maddie was looking at him intently, looking for all the world like she was trying to will him to understand. He did. She was saying that she would recover, eventually. And that he was important to her, but he still didn't understand why she was distancing herself from him.

_"Evil deeds, while I plant these evil seeds,_   
_Please release me from these demons._   
_I've never had any of this shit planned mom please believe,_   
_I don't wanna be Satan spawn._   
_I never got the chance to say I'm sorry._   
_Now, look at all this pain I've caused."_

Oh, God. Did Maddie blame herself somehow? Was that what this was about? She couldn't let herself have him... as a form of pseudo-punishment? She thought she had caused Lorretta's death somehow, so she was denying herself her soul mate. That was twisted... And sounded exactly like something he would do, actually. Maddie didn't think she deserved him, but she wouldn't hurt Cas with rejection because he was so vulnerable now. She wanted both of them, but she felt she didn't deserve them. That was so fucking wrong in so many ways. Jesus... He hadn't known. He hadn't even guessed.

Her eyes were full of an unimaginable sadness, and now he understood. He stood quickly and wrapped her in his arms, she struggled but he didn't let go. He couldn't, not now that he knew the reason. He murmured into her hair as she relaxed against him. "Oh, sweetheart, it's not your fault. It's not. You can't blame yourself for that, and you definitely can't deny yourself happiness because of it. You can't deny yourself me." He released her so he could look into her eyes as he said this. "You can't deny me you." She shook her head sadly at him, and her eyes focused on the floor. He put a finger to her chin and gently forced her head back up to make her eyes meet his gaze.

"I won't let you, sweetheart." The endearment was so perfect for her, literally. He leaned in and caught her lips with his, kissing her slowly and gently, and it was almost like he could taste sadness, as well as her love. When she pulled away she took his heart with her, and he wanted to cry now.

She wasn't going to give in. She was going to keep hurting herself for something that wasn't her fault. His heart was aching and he just couldn't. She turned back to the stove, wiping her eyes dry as she did, turning her face away from him. The answer was clear enough. He had her heart, but she wasn't going to allow herself to let him keep it. Not now. And that hurt so fucking much. He actually had tears pricking his eyes as he left the kitchen. He didn't storm out, he didn't even walk quickly. He felt like he was in a daze like he'd been hit in the head or something. Somehow he ended up back in his room, and then Cas was all over him, his eyes full of worry.

"Dean, what's wrong? What is it?" Dean struggled to answer. "Maddie... She- She won't let herself be happy. She won't be with me because she blames herself for her sister's suicide. She's punishing herself for it by not letting herself have me. It hurts, Cas. God, it hurts."

Dean would never admit it later, but he collapsed into Cas's arms, his head on his shoulder, and his arms wrapped so tight around him it was almost a vice grip, sobbing. Cas shushed him and ran a hand through his hair. "Shh, Dean. I know. I know it does. It's okay, I've got you." He let loose a series of strangled sobs that might've been wails, or they might've been words, he didn't know. Cas took it all without complaint, carrying the weight for a while. Caring for Dean, and that meant more to him than he could ever say. He wasn't sure how they got on the bed, but when the tears finally stopped he was laying on Cas's chest, wet stains under his face on his shirt, and Cas's arms around him, one still in his hair. When he finally managed to find his voice he said, "Thank you, Cas." Cas kissed his hair. "You have nothing to apologize for. I'm always here to help you. I love you." Those words made his heart skip happily for a moment.

"I love you too, Cas." He looked up at him then, his face tear stained and red probably, but he didn't care, and he knew Cas didn't. He was looking at him like he was something precious and amazing and beautiful. "You're still my angel, you know that?" Wetness shone in Cas's eyes now, and they kissed softly. That night they didn't so much sleep as just lay there holding each other. Sometimes they dozed, but one would wake the other up pulling them closer. It was a long night.  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The songs used are as follows and the lyrics are not mine, Anyone Else But You by The Moldy Peaches, Forever by Papa Roach, Human by Rag N' Bone Man, I'll Keep On by NF, Let You Down by NF, The Noose by Tech n9ne, Surrender by Flame, The Sound Of Madness by Shinedown, Numb by Linkin Park, What Hurts The Most by Rascal Flatts, Lay Me Down by Sam Smith- the acoustic version, Evil Deeds by Eminem. I kind of had the idea that Maddie had spent some time creating a playlist like this so she could kind of explain to Dean the way she was feeling. I didn't put that in there, but it seemed unnecessary in the end anyhow. If you haven't heard those songs, I highly recommend them all, especially I'll Keep On by NF. That song just makes me wanna cry. And the Sam Smith Song. Anyway, hope you enjoyed, comment and tell me!!!


	32. Stop Running Away From Me Dammit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sabriel smut and Dean has a nightmare. What would the combination of Maddie, Dean, and Cas be called? Maddestiel? Lol

~Gabriel~

 

He was sitting in Sam's bedroom floor, watching him sleep, and tuning in to the bunker's inhabitants, listening. Everyone was awake except Sam, and it was one o'clock in the morning. Maddie was... in pain. A lot of it. Even he hadn't known she blamed herself for her sister's death. He had heard Dean thinking it though after he and Maddie had "talked."

Great... It wasn't her fault. Not even close. And now, Dean was suffering because of it, and in turn, Cassie. Love triangles are complicated. Dean was still an asshole and granted, Gabriel didn't exactly like him, he didn't hate him either. He doubted he could convince Maddie it wasn't her fault, she always took the blame for everything, just like Dean did. Fuck. But he could try. He was still thinking about how to go about that when Sam started to turn. He was moaning lightly in his sleep and turning back and forth, eyelids fluttering. A nightmare. Gabriel pulled himself out of the etheric plane as he stood and went to Sam.

Wondering if this would be crossing boundaries or not, he pulled the blanket back and laid beside Sam, behind him, and wrapped a wing around him. Sam might not be able to see them, but he could sense them, even asleep, and it calmed him down some. Saying fuck it, Gabriel scooted up until he was completely flush against Sam's broad back. He pulled the blanket up around them, and Sam quieted completely, relaxing into Gabriel.

It made him feel strangely warm, and not in a sexy way. They hadn't gone beyond kissing since they had decided they were a thing. It didn't bother Gabriel. It just bothered him that the lack of sex didn't bother him. It bothered him that he was okay if they never got that far, if they just stayed how they were, and Gabriel would still be happy with it. Over the moon in fact. It bothered him how deep he was falling, and how far down the hole he already was. He was fucked, and he could still feel God laughing at him. He wondered how Sam felt about the lack of sex and all that. Did he even want it? Now that they were a thing, whatever it was you called what they were, Gabriel had tried his damnedest to stay out of Sam's head, if not for his privacy, then for Gabriel's sanity.

He'd start overanalyzing everything Sam was thinking about them and freak out or something, so he hadn't been in his head lately. Hmm. Sam was sleeping now. Maybe he could dream walk with him? Gabriel'd be lying if he said he wasn't curious. Eh, fuck it. He didn't actually think Sam would be mad at him for it, he didn't really care about things like that. Closing his eyes, and narrowing his focus, Gabriel sifted through the murk and entered into Sam's consciousness.

It wasn't hard to do for an archangel. Hmm... This was interesting. Sam was lying on a blanket outside somewhere. It was night, and there was like a million stars in the sky. He was laying back looking at them and oh- Was that Gabriel lying next to him? Yes. Yes, it was. Sam was literally dreaming about them stargazing together. Wow. Samchester had definitely been watching too many RomComs. It had Gabe snickering, even if part of him thought that would actually be awesome, this was too good. Sam's dream was about to become a little more x-rated.

The Gabriel lying next to Sam disappeared with a poof and the actual Gabriel was laying beside him now, smirking. Sam was still looking up at the stars with his hands behind his head. Gabriel was lying on his left side, and he traced his right forefinger down Sam's chest, causing him to look over with interest. "What're you doing, Gabe?" Gabriel smirked. "You could call it a little foreplay." Sam chuckled then Gabriel kissed him fiercely. Sam had only been asleep a couple hours and he'd already missed this. Sam made a soft noise as Gabriel ravaged him and his hips jerked up, giving Gabriel a wicked idea. He ran his hand down Sam's trim waist and to his hips, Sam gasped and wiggled underneath his hand.

Without preamble, Gabriel palmed his crotch, where he was already hardening. "Gabe." Sam gasped against his mouth. In response, Gabriel masterfully rubbed his cock through the thick denim, making Sam buck his hips up into the friction. Well, that was no fun. Gabriel wished his clothing away, it was a dream, Sam wouldn't think anything of it. Whoa. Apparently, his height wasn't the only thing affected by some massive amounts of growth hormone. Oh, you've been holding out on me baby, he thought.   
  
Gabriel wasted no time. "Sam, I want to taste you." Sam threw his head back against the blanket and panted, "Please, Gabe." Gabriel lowered his mouth to Sam's heated skin, tasting slick sweat, and salt, and the delicious taste that was all Sam. He sucked sharply on his nipple, making him cry out. Gabriel left little love bites trailing all down his chest, slowly making his way south.

He sucked sharply on the flesh right above Sam's hip bone, and he whined. "Stop teasing." He looked up at him and smirked at his blissed-out face. "Where's the fun in that?" Gabriel looked down at Sam's cock, noticing that it had the slightest curve to it, barely even noticeable, and it was gorgeous if something like a penis could be called gorgeous.

He was circumcised, Gabriel was unsurprised to see, and precome was beading at the blood-reddened tip. Gabriel's mouth was watering at the sight, as ludicrous as that was. Fuck, Sam was like an aphrodisiac or something. He licked and bit and sucked his way down Sam's right hip and onto his inner thigh. "Please, Gabriel, dammit. _Please._ " Hmm. He liked Sam begging for his mouth. He liked the way his voice was pleading his name, so needy and desperate.

But, he decided that going farther without Sam knowing this was actually happening was a bit too rapey for him. Sam thought it was a dream, and he needed to know it wasn't. Instead of sucking Sam down like he wanted to, he worked his way back up his body until he reached his mouth. "Gabe, please. Don't stop. I need you." Sam whined. The last three words gave him pause and his heart kind of did a weird skippy thing, but he continued. He kissed Sam softly, but desperately, making him moan and rock his erection against Gabriel's hip. They broke the kiss from Sam panting.  
  
"Sam, this is a dream, but I'm actually here right now. Real Gabriel. I'm lying next to you in bed though, technically." Sam's eyes grew wide. "Wake me up, Gabriel. Now." _Fuck_. Maybe he had screwed up.

He pulled himself out of Sam's consciousness and woke Sam with the same pulse of Grace. By the time he was opening his eyes and fully back in his vessel, Sam was looking at him with wide, lust-blown eyes.  
  
"You asshole." He whispered gruffly. Shit. "I'm sorry, Sam, I-" Sam laid a hand over his mouth and nearly glared at him. "Seriously? I don't want to do that in a dream when I could have the real thing right here. If that's what you wanted you should've just said so. I've been letting you set the pace. Fuck, Gabe, I want you." He scooted closer and rocked his hard length against Gabriel's abdomen, demanding.

Oh, thank fuck. Gabe pulled his hand from over his mouth and leaned over and kissed him. Their tongues slid against each other deliciously, and Gabriel was freaking desperate for more. Dream Sam was just as hot as real Sam, and holy fuck. "Gabe, please. Can we - more?"   
  
That was very succinct, but it worked. "Fuck yes, Sam." Gabriel positioned himself to where they were rocking their growing erections together, and tingles that felt like lightning shot up Gabriel's spine, making him moan softly. Sam ground against him hard with his hips, and the friction was amazing, making Gabriel's jump up.

Sam nibbled and licked his way over to Gabriel's ear where he brought the lobe into his mouth with a sharp suck. And then he was whispering roughly into his ear, and Gabriel had to fight to pay attention. "I want to taste too, Gabe. Can I? Please?" Oh, fuck, like he'd turn that down. "Yeah. Yeah, fuck. Clothes?" Sam growled. "Take 'em off."   
  
Whoa. Weird tingles shot through Gabriel at hearing his voice like that, all low and demanding. Yum. He wished all of their clothes off and they landed in a heap on the floor because he didn't care. Suddenly all of his heated skin was touching Sam's, and their naked cocks were grinding together, and oh holy pecan pie, that felt fucking amazing. He groaned loudly, before summoning the thought, and the Grace, to soundproof the room. Now no one could hear them. Fabulous.

"Do you have issues with your throat, Gabe?" He knew what he meant. Some people felt vulnerable like that, and technically Sam could hurt him, but he trusted him. Shit. He trusted him. That was a thought to file away and look at in a couple of years. "No. Go ahead."

He figured that was better than what the actual answer was (Actually, yes I do, but I really don't care just because it's you, and I trust you, and I'm fucking dying to have your lips on me, no matter where they are.) Yeah, that probably wouldn't have gone over well. Oh.

Sam's tongue and his heated lips kissing and licking their way down his throat had his thoughts coming to a stop. They worked down his throat slowly, savoring, and relishing and licking, and driving him fucking insane. Gabriel's hands gripped Sam's hair, "Fuck, Sam. More."   
  
Sam chuckled against his too-hot skin but obligingly worked his way down to Gabriel's chest, where he started torturing his nipples with his tongue, and his teeth. Sam had moved down him now, so their erections weren't rocking together anymore, but Gabe still couldn't help himself. He was pushing his hips up against Sam, wanting, needing friction.

Sam finally worked his way down his abdomen and to the place Gabriel wanted his mouth to be. He kissed and nipped at Gabriel's thighs before he had finally had enough of it. "Sam, I swear to all that's holy if you don't stop teasing and get to the main event, I will pin you to the wall and torture you." Sam laughed. "Sorry. I just like this. But uh, I know you're like a sex god or whatever, so go easy on me, okay? I'm new to this." Fuck. He'd forgotten about that. "Shit, sorry. I had forgotten about you being a man-virgin and all."

Sam winced at the term with a small smile. "You don't have to keep going. It's alright."  
  
"No, I want to. Just uh, you know, don't get your hopes too high. I could suck at this."  
  
"That's kind of the point, Samson." Sam rolled his eyes. "Just tell me what you like, okay?"

"No problem there, Sam-o. Fuck, I want you." Gabriel rubbed his neglected erection against Sam, making him smile. Without taking his eyes away from Gabe the entire time, he slid down the bed until he was kneeling between Gabe's legs, and he hesitantly ran his tongue up the length of Gabriel's not unimpressive cock. The sensation had Gabriel closing his eyes and groaning. The sound seemed to encourage Sam because before he knew it his cock was engulfed with hot wet heat, and he had to use every scrap of willpower he had not to thrust his hips into Sam's mouth. Sweet cherry pie! Oh! Sam was swirling his tongue around the sensitive head, and Gabriel had to fight even harder not to fuck Sam's mouth. "Fuck, Sam. So good. So good. Oh!" Sam surprised the sound out of him when his hand grasped, and started kneading at his balls. Jeez, sex hadn't felt this intense since he'd first started doing it when he had been new to having a vessel. This was fucking intense.   
  
"Keep doing that. Oh. Yes!" It was getting harder and harder to remember he was supposed to be telling Sam what he wanted.

There was no way in hell Sam had never done this before, he was awesome. Surprising the hell out of him, Sam sucked him all the way down, and Gabriel's cock was completely in Sam's mouth, and Sam was fucking swallowing around him. Oh, holy chocolate chips, he was going to come embarrassingly fast if he kept that up. He couldn't resist putting a hand into Sam's hair and groaning deeply as he started bobbing his head up and down on his dick.   
  
"Sam... I'm gonna - Oh, fuck... I'm gonna -" Sam hummed a response around his cock and the vibrations were his demise. The heat built in his veins, and within his Grace, and then he was coming in hot spurts across Sam's tongue, and swallowing, much to Gabriel's surprise. Sam worked him all the way through it until Gabriel couldn't stand it anymore. Holy pecan pie. He was like a pro. Shit.

Suddenly Sam was up beside him on the pillows, smiling shyly. "How'd I do?" Gabriel mustered the strength to mumble, "Fucking amazing." And then they were clashing tongues and lips and teeth together. Tasting himself on Sam's tongue gave him a little thrill that he chased readily. Sam moaned into his mouth, and his hips were rocking against him desperately. Oh, yes. Reciprocation time.

Gabe broke the kiss regretfully, and instead of teasing Sam like he had been, he went straight for his cock. In a blink, he was kneeling between Sam's legs and Gabriel flicked his tongue out to lick at the pre-come leaking heavily from his cock. It was tangy, and yet sweet, he liked it, surprisingly, he usually didn't. Grasping the base with his hand, he swirled his tongue around the head, and Sam moaned, pushing his hips up against Gabriel. Instead of using his Grace, he held his hips down to the bed with a scalding grip.

Sam moaned loudly when Gabriel took all of him into his mouth, sucking all the way down until his nose was pressed into the wiry hair there. Sam's hand gripped his hair in a tight hold that had pleasure scooting its way down Gabriel's spine, and he couldn't help the groan that left him. Sam was bucking his hips faster now, desperate. Oh, Gabriel loved this. Sam was whining, and desperate, and Gabriel had got him that way. Fuck, he loved it.  
  
"G-Gabe. I'm going to come. Oh, fuck." Gabriel would've smiled if his mouth wasn't full of cock. He ran his thumb skillfully up and down Sam's perineum, making him whine Gabriel's name.

And then he was coming in Gabe's mouth. He tasted good, and Gabriel lapped up all of it, swallowing around him the entire time Sam was shuddering underneath him. When it was over, Gabriel kissed his was back up Sam's sensitive, overheated body. With a swipe of his Grace, he removed the leftover mess, and they were lying there, together, sated and satisfied. "Holy shit." Sam murmured tiredly. "Agreed."

"Is it always like that?"  
  
"Meaning?"  
  
"Awesome."

Gabriel laughed. "No. But thanks for the ego boost. You were fucking awesome too. There's no way that was your first blow job."  
  
"It was. I just kind of went with my instincts. You seemed to like it."

"I loved it. And you have damn good instincts, Sammy my boy."  
  
"Thanks for the ego boost." They both chuckled weakly at that. "Oh, I can't wait till we start playing." This aroused Sam's curiosity and he opened his eyes to look at Gabriel, who was laying on his side looking back at him with a sly smile. "What kind of playing?"  
  
"Oh, all kinds of things. Maybe bondage, maybe toys, maybe Grace. Who knows?" Sam shook his head a little. "Wait a second, Grace?"

He smirked. "Oh yeah."  
  
"What exactly would you be doing with it?"  
  
"Would you like a demonstration?"  
  
"That depends on what it is." Sam looked a little scared and it was hilarious to Gabriel.

"Think possible endless orgasms, or not being able to come unless I let you. The beauty of being an archangel."  
  
Sam's eyes were wide as dinner plates. "Are you serious?" Gabriel gave him a pointed look and touched a fingertip lightly to Sam's bare skin and pushed a pulse of his Grace into Sam's body, making sure to give the orgasm a punch. His back arched off the bed and his hips were thrusting into the air as he spasmed violently and came again with a loud groan, completely untouched. He made it last longer than it technically should've, enjoying just watching Sam. He was kind of beautiful like that. When Gabriel let it stop Sam collapsed back onto the bed, panting and flushed. After he finally caught his breath and was able to speak he said, "Are... you... kidding me? Oh G-"

"You better be about to say Gabriel and not what I think you are. You are not calling out my Dad's name while we're in bed together. No." That made Sam smile. "And, uh... So you can... Just do that? For however long you want?" Gabriel nodded, a wicked gleam in his eye. "Did you like it?"  
  
"Holy shit. Did I like it? Spontaneous orgasms, Gabriel, come on. What do you think?" Gabriel smirked. He liked when Sam was sassy. He trailed a finger lightly in small circles over his chest. "So that's a yes then."

"Obviously. Fuck, that was intense."  
  
"Wait till I make you edge with my Grace." Gabriel waggled his eyebrows mischievously. "I can keep you right on the edge...skating an orgasm... for hours." He whispered the words as he kissed softly up his chest and finally to his mouth. "Mm, sounds fun."  
  
"It is," Gabriel said against his mouth and kissed him softly before drawing Sam up against him. The move needed no words to accompany it. Time for sleep.

 

~Dean~  
~October 5th~

 

He avoided Maddie as best he could all morning. He just couldn't deal with it right now. Cas was trailing after him like he was suddenly going to break down crying or something, but he guessed that made sense since that's what he'd done last night. He hated that he had been that weak, but loving people did that. He was weak and vulnerable now, and he hated it. He loved it, but he hated it. He was Dean Winchester, when did he go and turn into a giant girl? Fuck. No. He was not going to go back to that shit. Not now. He had Cas now. Cas was more important than Dean feeling like a fucking princess for admitting he had feelings. Shit, he did not need this right now. He spent the entire day holed up in his room. Sometimes Cas was with him, sometimes not. Dean was not in a good mood. He spent the whole day being a bitch about it, and just to top it off, that night he had a nightmare for the first time in weeks, maybe months. It was Alastair again.

All Dean could smell was the sharp tang of sweat and that sickening coppery smell of blood. His dry, rasping, evil voice kept echoing in his mind, through his nightmare of tools gleaming with blood, and Cas's broken form.

He felt himself choking and trying to shout, and then he was screaming awake, flying into a sitting up position. His eyes flew open and he found Maddie sitting on the bed beside him with understanding eyes. A quick glance confirmed what he already knew. Cas wasn't there. Where was he? Was he okay? Oh, God. He was panicking, Oh God, not again. It'd been forever since he had one, but fuck, he couldn't - he couldn't breathe. His vision was narrowing into little tunnels. He didn't even realize how it happened, but suddenly there were arms around him, Maddie's. He leaned back into her, she was behind him somehow and tried to calm himself down. Her grip tightened, and he felt a cool rush of peace and calmness wash through him like water. He didn't know what it was, but he was thankful for it.

He focused on the feelings, trying to ground himself. He could smell strawberries, and a hint of something he couldn't identify, something kind of dark and sweet, and rain. Maddie was warm, pressed up against his back, and he could feel her hair on his left shoulder, lying there softly. There was something lying across the top of his legs, and while he didn't know what that might be, the weight was nice. He could hear and feel Maddie's soft breathing.

The rise and fall of her chest was soothing, and he found himself copying the movement, his heart slowing and the sharp fear fading away slowly. Maddie's light breaths were puffing onto the side of his neck. He had leaned his head to the left and back against her without thinking about it, and she had laid her head forward down against him. When he had finally calmed down enough to fully examine what was going on, he realized it was Maddie's legs on top of his. She was pretty much sitting up against the wall, and he was lying back against her between her legs. She had crossed hers over his thighs in a loose Indian style. Her arms were wrapped around him tightly. Her right hand gripping his left shoulder, and her left pressed flat against his chest. Where were his hands? He realized he had no idea, but when he focused on it he found that they were gripping Maddie's legs as they laid across his lap. Hard enough to bruise. Shit. He let go immediately but didn't move them any further than that. This was nice. Even if it hurt like hell because he knew as soon as she realized he was okay she'd be gone.

But still, it was nice. He wondered where the hell Cas was. Maddie moved her chin gently across his right shoulder in a question. He really didn't want to answer it because he knew she would leave then, but she'd done enough for him. "I'm okay. It was a nightmare." She nudged her chin against his shoulder again.

"I don't know... It was about Alastair, and he - with Cas... l, I just - I freaked. Did I wake you up?" Maddie had laid her head on his shoulder compassionately when he'd mentioned Alastair, and now she shook it back and forth negatively. "How'd you know then?" She tapped his chest, then his forehead with her left hand, then tapped her own forehead with a sigh. Oh. She'd felt it. "So you were awake then?" She nodded. "Do you know where Cas is?" She nodded again. Dean had to think about it for a second, where would Cas be in the middle of the night? "He's in the kitchen isn't he?" She nodded for the third time. She pressed the side of her face a bit harder into the muscle of his shoulder, nudging, and nuzzling at the same time.

"Maddie?" He knew she was listening. "Why did you - Why did you come up here to help me? I thought that you didn't... didn't want me anymore." She looked up at him sharply and put fingers to his chin to drag his head around to meet her intense gaze. She shook her head sharply. 'No.' She closed her eyes with an expression of strain, and then he felt a wave of want and love and need wash through him. It was there and gone within a few seconds, but it had been real. "Was that from you?" She nodded. "If you feel that way then why won't you let yourself have me?" Her face shut down into a mask of pain and sadness. "Dammit, Maddie. That wasn't your fault. It wasn't. And you don't need to punish yourself for it. Or me." Hurt crossed her face and her eyebrows drew together. "You're more than that to me, and you distancing yourself from me, it fucking hurts."

She laid her head on his shoulder, arms still around him, and closed her eyes. Her breathing was shaky, and he felt bad now. "Sorry. I know you're hurting. I shouldn't be pushing." She whimpered. It was the first actual sound that had left her since the day of the cross. His heart stuttered when he heard it, and he was looking at her with wide eyes. Why had she done that? God, he wished she could explain. "I'm sorry, Maddie." She shook her head adamantly at him. "I shouldn't be sorry?" She shook her head again. "I don't know what you want from me then... I'm kinda lost here." She sighed heavily and closed her eyes like she was focusing. "What are you doing?" She held up a finger, so he waited. A minute later Cas popped up. He rocked forward unsteadily then seemed to catch his bearings. What was Cas doing here?

 

~Castiel~

 

Gabriel flew him up to Dean's bedroom though he protested that he could walk. Apparently, Maddie needed him for something. Gabriel dropped him in the room rather unceremoniously, and he almost fell. When he righted his balance he took in the scene before him. Dean was lying against Maddie in a sitting up position, and she had her arms wrapped tightly around him. Had something happened? Was Dean okay? Was this what he was needed for? He walked to the bed quickly, grabbing Dean's hand. "Are you okay? What happened?" Dean sighed heavily. "I had a nightmare. Maddie felt it, and she came to help. I'm not really sure why she wanted you to come up though, yes or no questions only." Maddie smacked him lightly on the shoulder, making him smile. Cas walked around the bed and sat down Indian style towards the end of it, facing both of them. "Okay... Were you two trying to talk?" Maddie nodded. "Yeah." Cas had to catch himself before smiling. "I'm guessing she wanted me to play interpreter. I read her easily." Maddie nodded again, and this time he did smile.

Dean looked a little mad, but he'd get over it. "What is it you two were talking about?" Dean gave him the run-down, and Cas thought it through, wondering what exactly she was trying to get at. Oh. "Since I'm hazarding guesses here, she came up here to help you, because she lo-cares about you, Dean. She doesn't like to see you hurting. And... She feels that what happened with Lorretta is her fault, you know that. But she's not trying to hurt you with being distant." Cas's voice was soft when he said this, it hurt him even to say it, "She doesn't want you to be hurt. She's hurting herself. Penance. She doesn't want you to be sorry, because you have nothing to be sorry for. She knows she's being... nonsensical. That at least to us it seems that way. She doesn't expect you to understand, but she still doesn't want to hurt you." Maddie nodded with tears in her eyes as Dean drew away from her and turned to look at her.

"You are such an idiot." He grabbed her by the shoulders to draw her up to her knees and kissed her furiously. Cas wasn't sure how he felt about watching it, but he didn't leave. He might still be needed.

She fought him for a few moments, but he didn't let her go. Good. That would reinforce that Dean not only wanted her but needed her. That he was hurting too. When Dean had come to him last night, nearly crying, and dazed, Castiel's heart had been in his throat, but he had known immediately. Maddie. He had held Dean last night until the early hours of the morning, both of them hurting in different ways. Maddie had stopped fighting now, and Dean was hugging her tightly to him. "Stop running away from me, dammit. I'd follow you into Hell if I had to, and you are not going to get rid of me. You think I feel like I deserve Cas? Or you? After all the shit I've done? No. Not in the least bit. But I'm fucking enjoying it. You two make me happy, and I'm not going to hurt either of you by leaving because I'm thinking I'm not enough for you. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?" She nodded slowly against his neck. Cas knew it was late, he'd been sleeping with Dean before he'd woken up and went to go get a drink of water. He'd found Gabriel at the table, and they had started talking. It was almost two in the morning, he thought.

They all needed to sleep. He leaned over and laid a hand on Maddie's shoulder. "You're sleeping with us tonight." He was expecting her to protest, but all she did was nod mutely. They rearranged themselves on the bed, and Maddie was in the middle between them again. Cas cuddled into her right side and Dean into her left. Later, when he was on the verge of sleep, he thought he heard the words, 'Thank you' whispered into the darkness, but he was probably imagining it.  
  
  



	33. He Couldn't Lose Them!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After all the useless fluff and romance and love angst, I give you plot and repercussions. Mildy described fight scene, angst and cussing ensue.

~Maddie~

Fortes fortuna juvat, amore. Alea iacta est de novo. Fortune favors the brave, love. The die is cast anew. It was weird to be thinking in words now, but it was progress, she supposed. For days, ever since Gabriel had said that to her, she'd been waking up thinking them. What exactly had he meant by that? When he had first told her had told her to be brave, and she was pretty sure she'd failed in that regard, hiding away in silence. She'd hurt Dean, she knew. It was killing her, but she deserved it. Lorretta. The word sent a hollow, painful ache spiraling through her being, and she winced away from it. Anyone else, and it wouldn't have hurt her like that. Anyone else in her family, besides her nephews, and it wouldn't have hurt. 

But it had to be the one she loved the most. No. She was done lamenting. She had to be, it was driving her insane. Dean was breathing softly on her left, and Cas on her right. This time, in a change of habits, both of them were holding onto her. Usually she was the one to fist her hands into their shirts, but not this time. Cas had grabbed the hem of it with his right hand, and Dean was holding the collar of it with his left. She obviously wasn't going anywhere until they woke up. Just to test the theory she moved slightly and both of them, as she'd assumed they would, had tightened their grip. Dean moved his head slightly and nuzzled his face into her neck, his breath tickled. She sighed lightly. She didn't deserve this, but it was nice all the same.

 

~Dean~  
~October 7th~

He drove Cas and Maddie back to the tattoo parlor so they could get their tattoos finished. He was feeling pretty happy. Maddie had been spending more time with him and initiating kisses sometimes. He was just glad that she had actually listened to him and was trying. She still believed she didn't deserve it, but he was working on that. Maybe one day she'd come to terms with it. Sam and Gabriel were with them just like last time and it worked the same way. Gabriel, hidden between planes, and Sam went back with Maddie, and he stayed with Cas. When the tattoo was finished it looked freaking awesome. He and Cas walked out into the waiting room to wait on Maddie and Sam who came out a few minutes later. Just like last time, Maddie was grinning ear-to-ear, and his heart skipped a beat just like it always did when Cas or Maddie smiled. Surely that had some sort of bad side effect, maybe he should check into it. After a short discussion, they decided to go back to the park and walk around again, everybody had liked it last time. 

Maddie and Cas were swarmed by ducks again, and Dean about died in a fit of laughter when one landed in Cas's hair and refused to leave. As there were walking, everyone kind of spread out. Maddie and Cas were in front, holding hands he noticed. Sam was in the middle, and for whatever reason, Gabriel was standing by Dean. In retrospect, it was perhaps not the best tactical position. All of a sudden Maddie froze in mid-step, just absolutely still. Cas turned and looked back at her, afraid. "Shit," Gabriel said. Dean didn't even have time to move before something slammed into him and was throwing him back against the trees with the force of a Mack truck. Much to his horror Gabriel was pinned too, and Sam. Cas and Maddie were suddenly surrounded by demons, and Dean had no fucking idea how they'd gotten there that quickly. There were four of them, three guys and a chick, a red head in a black dominatrix suit, all the guys looking like middle aged assholes, but that didn't matter. Fear was pounding its way dizzily through him. "Can't you get loose, Gabe?" He shook his head. "Something's wrong. I can't break out of this." Oh, holy fuck. No. Not now. Fuck! He struggled harder against his invisible restraints, terrified. He couldn't lose them!

~Maddie~

Calm descended over her instance of panic, and she stood ready, back to back with Cas. She analyzed them, both with her gift and her eyes. When she found the leader she addressed her with a cool look. The red-headed demon with the C-rate horror movie outfit snorted. "So you're the one that's got Hell all in a twist. Not much to look at if you ask me. But there is something about you..." She tilted her head to the side, and Maddie noticed she leaned really heavily on her left foot. Good. Easier to knock off balance. All she had with her was her mom's knife, but she'd had Gabriel enscribe it. It would kill demons now. She'd made sure of that. She was terrified for Dean and the others, but she couldn't afford to focus on that now. She pushed reassurance and strength into Cas. She and Gabriel had been practicing her projecting her emotions, and she was good at it. Cas was calm now. Calm and collected, and analyzing. 

He would know when she gave the signal. Out of the corner of her left eye, she saw Dean and Gabriel struggling and yelling, but she could not hear. There was a wall between them. She could not even read their emotions. Fuck, she was scared, but she had to focus. The demon bitch in front of Maddie eyed her curiously with malice. "What? Cat got your tongue? Or are you scared? Oh, don't worry, honey. We won't hurt you. Much. Gotta deliver you in one piece." Maddie had an idea but she wasn't sure if it would work. There was an unusual power coming off of her that was unlike the other demons, who had all remained silent so far. She gathered her strength, and then pushed it at the demon, mentally speaking. She sent her strongest emotions of rejection, and fear, and pain and positively flung them at the demon. 

Not the poor chick she was possessing, but the hell bitch herself. The demon choked back a shriek and with that Maddie was on her like lightning. She sent a silent, heartfelt prayer up that this woman forgive her and that she find peace. She stabbed her knife directly through the skull in one smooth move, and the lightning crackled through the body as the demon died and slumped to the ground. The others swarmed, but she and Cas had the advantage. No one had been expecting them to fight back. Cas had drawn his weapon as soon as she'd traced a finger over his hand just as she struck at the female demon. 

Cas moved amazingly quick like the soldier he was and attacked the biggest of the demons, and Maddie went in for the kill on another one as it flung itself at her, like an idiot. She was prepared. She rammed her knife into it's midsection in midair, flipping it over her head and pulling the knife out at the same moment. She didn't even realize she was smiling. She and Cas effectively ended the other one, then there were four bloody lifeless bodies on the ground, and she and Cas were covered in blood and sweat, and she didn't think she'd ever felt so alive. Maddie turned then, suddenly remembering. Gabriel, Dean, and Sam were still trapped against the trees. She couldn't hear them speaking. Oh, God. She squelched down her feelings of terror and focused. This had to be some sort of magic, maybe she could find it.

If Cas said anything, she didn't hear it. She raised her hand out in the air, directing her gift through it in pulses, sending out her awareness in small bursts instead of blanketing the place, which she'd learned was much more draining. When she'd done a one-eighty she felt something ping back at her. She began to walk toward it, unafraid. About ten feet off the trail, there was a large, ugly mark carved into a small tree. It was some sort of symbol that she didn't recognize. She could feel the magic pulsing off it though, and listening to her instincts, she took her knife and slashed marks through it, ruining it. She heard three crashes and a bunch of cursing, and she figured she'd done what she was supposed to. She walked back to them quickly, worry streaking through her, and was suddenly enveloped by limbs and warm bodies. 

Cas's soft sobs and Dean's hot breath and relieved voice in her ear. "Oh my God, I was so scared. Holy shit, you were amazing. I'm so sorry. I should have been watching, I should've protected- Oh Christ, you're both okay, you're okay." They were freaking out, but it was alright. She soothed them as best she could without using her gift. She knew if she did she'd be done for and would probably pass out. She felt so drained already. And weird. Her body was floaty and open, and things just didn't seem to be that important. She was a bit surprised to find Dean's mouth on hers, but she didn't protest. It felt like it'd been centuries since they'd kissed, and it was perfect.

 

~Dean~

 

OhGodohGodohGodohGod. That's all his thoughts were as Cas and Maddie started fighting the demons(four of them!). His entire being was seized up in panic and absolute terror and helplessness as he watched the two loves of his life go up against demons while he was pinned helplessly to a tree. He struggled against the restraints, but if even Gabriel, a fucking archangel for Chrissakes(!) couldn't get out, then neither could Dean Winchester. He felt helpless tears slide down his cheeks as he fought uselessly, fearing the absolute worst with every single millisecond passing. He was so sure that any moment one of the demons would slip by their guard and land a killing blow to one of them. When the last demon collapsed in a heap Dean didn't dare breathe a sigh of relief. His heart was pounding nine thousand miles a minute in his chest and he was sure he'd pass out any second from lack of oxygen.

Maddie turned and looked at them, assessing. He was an ungodly amount of relieved to see that none of the blood covering her was hers. She looked fine actually. She raised her hand up in the air and started slowly turning. After a second she stopped, then just walked into the woods. His whole being screamed at her not to do it, God knows what could be out there. After a few painful moments he heard a loud pop and suddenly he was collapsing to the ground. "Shit!" "Fuck, ouch!" "Dammit!" They all shouted different things but Dean was up within a second and was at Cas's side, checking for injuries, and finding that he was perfectly fine. Maddie emerged from the woods suddenly and he rushed her and wrapped her in a crushing hug. Oh God. He had been so fucking scared he would lose one of them, it was a fucking miracle that he hadn't. He could feel Cas sobbing against him, and he wrapped an arm around him and hugging them both close in a triangle. Before he could think about it, he had brought Maddie into a crushing kiss, and she responded readily. Oh God, they were alive. Alive and fine, and actually there. Oh, God.

 

~Gabriel~

 

He went through it yet again. Maddie had shared her memories with him so he knew exactly what happened and she got to keep her silence. "No, I don't know how I didn't sense them, or the magic. I should've. The only thing strong enough to pin me like that God or another archangel. Since I'm guessing it's not Dad, that leaves another archangel. We have four nameless dead demons who were clearly after Mads here. They said Hell was in a twist over her, so we can assume that there are a shit ton of nasties after her, and we need to be damn careful. There's two things we need to figure out. One, which archangel drew the symbol that was able to pin me, and two, how the fuck they knew we were coming. We're being tracked somehow, or they've got a Seer working for them. Someone is calling in a lot favors to get to Maddie, and we can't assume it's the Azrael bastard, he's supposed to be after Sam." 

This was the third time they'd been through it, and it was starting to piss him off. They were all sitting at the table in the kitchen, Maddie was drawing calmly like nothing had happened. She was experiencing empathy fatigue, emotional detachment brought about by prolonged emotional exposure. She'd be back to normal soon. She had opened herself up during the fight, anticipating moves. And when she flung all that shit at the red-headed bitch, hot damn, Gabriel had been proud of her. She'd been amazing. 

If it left Maddie a little detached for a while, he guessed that was okay more or less. She'd be alright soon. Dean started up again by asking the same questions he'd already asked four times and Gabriel was about to snap. Then Maddie turned her sketchpad around and pointed towards the bottom of it. It was the symbol that had managed to pin him to the tree, but he had no idea what it was. It wasn't in any language he knew, which was all of them. Cas took it from her and studied closely before gasping. "Gabriel. Jegudiel." He turned the paper so Gabriel could see and he swore. How had he missed that? There at the bottom of the symbol were four tiny little Enochian letters, but they were there alright. JGDL. The prideful bastard always had to take the credit for something. 

"Oh shit," Gabriel said. Shit was going to hit the fan when he found that little bastard. He was going to pay. He realized control over his Grace was slipping and the lights in the bunker were starting to flicker, and there was the faint smell of ozone. Shit. He quickly reined it back in. "Who the hell is Jegudiel? And seriously, you guys suck at names. Wow." Dean said, showing a hint of his former sass. Thank fuck. The pitiful questions were pushing Gabriel beyond his limit. 

"Jegudiel," he sneered the name, "is a traitorous rat bastard that we haven't heard from in over four hundred years. He was an archangel then. He's younger than me, and he had a different job. I was - am - a messenger. Jegudiel dealt in magics and weapons. He was brilliant. But then Darth tempted him to the Dark Side, and he started using his genius against us. It was in the middle of this war between a few garrisons, Cassie's being one of those and several hundred demons. It was a bloodbath. I was running interference more or less, mostly just making a nuisance of myself and pissing demons off, and I saw most of it. He wiped out most of the angels fighting, we lost almost everybody. Cassie, me, and nineteen others escaped. One hundred and thirty-seven died. It was the largest loss of angels since biblical times. Jegudiel built weapons that we couldn't fight, we didn't know how. 

"We weren't prepared at all, and he decimated us. Jegudiel's always been a little nuts, but that finally pushed him over the edge. He went insane, and no one's seen or heard from him since. Angels have been sent out more times than I can count trying to find him so he can be brought to justice, but nobody ever finds him. They never find anything. Not in four hundred years, not a whisper. And now his mark is carved into a tree, and it's strong enough to keep me pinned, which is no easy feat, I assure you. I've never seen this mark before. It's not in any language I know, and I know all of them. Jegudiel's pulling something new here. We are on lockdown. No one leaves the bunker until further notice, I'm serious. Jegudiel is dangerous, and apparently, he's dipped into some new crazy crap to be able to achieve this. Whoever he's working for is extremely powerful, and not only that but smart. Cunning. They knew where we were somehow, and they found a way to hide themselves from me and the empath of the week. That shouldn't even be possible. The game's got new rules now, and nobody gave us any directions. We're going to have to wing it, but we need to be careful. I can't stress it enough." Cassie jumped in then.

"Jegudiel really is quite insane. Even before he caused the cataclysmic event that lost me nearly my entire garrison, he was avoided by other angels. There were whispers. Whispers of darkness, and that Jegudiel was mixing things that should not be mixed. The whispers went largely ignored, Jegudiel had only ever built weapons to help us, and happily at that. As long as everyone left him alone, he didn't bother anyone, just did as he was asked, which made him a very good angel. Obedience is key. He has always been unstable though, mentally speaking. But he's also a genius. His weapons were a surprise to everyone. That surprise cost us over a hundred of my siblings. It's true that he has not been seen or heard from since. No one has ever been able to find him, and I think I know how now. He was able to hide himself and four demons from an archangel and an empath. That's unheard of. It could very well be the same magic that he's used to keep himself hidden all these centuries. Gabriel's right. We cannot leave until we know more. It is far too dangerous for any of us. We're all far too valuable, and we are coveted. If the entirety of Hell is after Maddie, we have to assume the worst and prepare for it. She is in incredible danger."

Maddie looked up then and Gabriel touched lightly on her surface thoughts. She really didn't think in words now, he'd caught snatches of sentences, but mostly it was only pictures and impressions and memories. Right now she was remembering how it had felt to fight the demons, and that it had been almost easy. Too easy, perhaps. Why would someone go through all the trouble finding Jegudiel, making magic to pin an archangel, and then use four weak demons? They were obviously underlings. Maddie, a novice in fighting, had had no trouble taking them down with Cas at her side. Cas was an ex-angel, yeah, but he was still human. Two humans against four demons? Shit. A flash of horror shot through Maddie and she was remembering that the redhead had felt weird, different from the others. What if it had been a test somehow? 

Or an experiment to see how strong she was, or prepared they were? Horror shot through Gabriel too when he realized. He tried to control his temper, he did, but it didn't happen and the light bulb above them blew out suddenly with a loud pop. He felt Maddie and Cas begin to panic, and Dean and Sam immediately were alert and had guns drawn. "It was just me guys, sorry." With a wave of his hand, he fixed the lightbulb and light filled the kitchen again. Before they started bitching he held up a hand to silence them.

"Maddie just made me realize something. We all got played. They weren't trying to take Maddie, they were testing her skills, as well as Cassie's. We, you, me and Sam, we're all known enemies. Cas has never had to fight as a human, and Maddie is a whole new ball game. They have to have some sort of Seer or something. There was no way for them to know Cassie was human now. If they just wanted Maddie, why not pin Cas too? They were testing our strengths, as well as our weaknesses. Maddie felt something off about the dominatrix chick. Something was weird with her. I'm thinking it was some sort of connection or information relay to the big boss. It's the only thing that makes sense. None of them were very skilled fighters, and the bodies were grabbed hastily." Gabriel was on a roll now, piecing things together. 

"Those weren't good choices for them. Almost like they got them in a hurry. Either way, we've just failed the first round. They know now what Maddie is capable of. They're determining how much of a threat we are. If they had already known how strong Maddie was they would have sent skilled fighters, pinned Cassie too, grabbed her and ran." Dean held up his hands. 

"Jesus Christ, will you slow down? How do you even know it's even the Jughead dude that pinned you" Cassie pointed to the paper. "He signed it. Jegudiel may be insane, but that hasn't changed. He always marked his inventions and works as his. He was very proud of them. He initialed this symbol with Enochian. J-G-D-L. It was a personal quirk of his."

The room grew silent then as everyone processed all the information. Gabriel kept a mental ear attuned to what Maddie was thinking. They had discussed it, sort of, and she understood that body language wasn't always enough. He respected her need for silence, but sometimes more was required. She didn't mind as long as he kept to the surface, which he did. She was thinking about how stupid she'd been. She should've known better than to use her gift, should've realized sooner. Dean was doing something very similar on the other side of the table. He blamed himself too. Wow, that was seriously annoying. Maddie's thoughts turned to the woman and the man that she had killed. She had been killing the demons but had subsequently killed the humans they were riding too. She knew it was necessary, but it still hurt her deeply. She hadn't hesitated in battle, he'd seen that, and that was good. But now she felt bad, it was reminding her of Lorretta. Then Maddie's thoughts turned dark. Gabriel nearly winced. Fuck. That was painful for him to even see. Sweet cotton candy that girl deserved a better life. And now fucking demons were after her. Oh, he was going to kill Jegudiel. If he could. 

The fact that he had been able to pin him was more than a little terrifying. He wasn't used to being helpless like that. Not at all and he really didn't know what to do with it. Maddie suddenly sent him thoughts of a shower stall and running water, and he nodded his understanding. He told everyone at the table, and they all nodded as she left. Gabriel didn't want to leave her alone, just in case, but shower time was private time. After a few minutes, Dean got up saying he needed to go to his room for a minute. Gabriel didn't think anything of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fight scene was obviously not that great, I was in a weird place writing it, so forgive me. Also, I'm sure there are a few plot holes, yada yada, for the stuff that may or may not fit into Supernatural Verse. Like I said before, I originally wrote this as a comfort fic for myself, and then plot bunnies attacked and I couldn't stop. So this is all unbeta'ed and I didn't focus on stuff like plot and pacing and all that good stuff. I just wrote where the story was taking me, and I hope you guys don't find it too distracting. As always, comment and tell me if you liked it or not, or if you just wanna scream at me. Ya know, whatever. :)


	34. Do You Want Some Company?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of molestation, quite literally just the word pretty much.

~Dean~

 

He had seen Maddie's face darken and had realized she was coming out of whatever weird daze thing she'd been in since the battle. She had started fidgeting and picking at the sleeves of her shirt. She was starting to freak out, he just knew it. 

 

And she didn't need to be alone, that was for sure. So he followed her. After a few minutes anyway, just so it wasn't too obvious. He stopped outside the bathroom, listening. Gabriel had said she was going to go take a shower, Dean had waited to follow her so it's possible she was already in there. The water wasn't running yet but he could tell she was in there. And sobbing, by the sound of it. She wasn't making much noise, just hisses of air that should've been more. Dean's not an idiot. And now that he knows she's in there freaking out, he can't exactly just leave her there. Against his better judgment, he knocks on the door. It doesn't open, but the noises stop. He doesn't know what he's expecting here. She's not going to call out, and she's not going to text him to go away, she's not communicating with words at all. She's been crying, so it's unlikely that she'll open the door. "Maddie?" He calls out. After a moment, he hears shuffles, then the door slowly swings open. 

 

Maddie's face is tear-stained and her eyes are red. She's way too pale, and her eyes are full of pain. Her expression clearly says, 'What?' "Are you alright?" She huffs a silent, sarcastic laugh and gestures at her face. Yeah, I'm not that much of an idiot, thanks Maddie, he thinks. "Do you want some company? Or to talk about it? I know what you're going through." She chews on her bottom lip as she looks at the floor thinking about it. 

 

He pulls her lip out of her teeth and she looks up at him, something in her eyes, but he's not sure what it is. She sighs lightly, and jerks her head back into the bathroom and turns around and walks in. Not the weirdest place he's ever sat to talk about stuff, for sure, but he thinks it's a first. She apparently goes back to what she was doing and sits on the floor against the bathroom counter. She gestures grandly at the rest of the floor and he chuckles as he sits down. This makes the third time he's sat on the floor to talk to her, which is a weird habit. "Do you want to talk about it?" He timidly asks. He's not sure if she will or not. She shakes her head, then shrugs and nods. She's ambivalent about it. "It's okay. I know what you did today was hard, but you were amazing. You didn't hesitate, and you saved us, and Cas." 

 

She shakes her head sharply, almost angrily, and then he's swamped with a wave of feelings. Self-hate, regret, shame, anger. Fear. The feelings recede, leaving him a little dizzy. He guesses since Maddie can't use words, she decided to show him as best she could. Pretty handy. 

 

She sighs tiredly and closes her eyes, leaning her head back against the wooden cabinet. "Maddie..." She doesn't even move, but he knows she's listening. "It's not your fault. None of us knew. You can't blame yourself for that. You did what you should've done, and nothing else." She scoffed and pointed at him. A tiny smile quirked his lips. "Yeah, I'm not exactly the best role model when it comes to self-hate and regret, or taking the blame, but that means I know a lot about it, and I know when it's bullshit. You did exactly what you should've done. You killed four demons today. That's freaking amazing." She held up two fingers. "Technically. But it doesn't matter. Regardless of what they know now, four more demons are dead, and that's four less that will be out there hurting people." She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. 

 

She raises two fingers again and places her palm flat to her chest. She sends a wave of guilt and hopelessness and sadness at him and he understands. "It's not your fault. You had to do it, you know that. I know it doesn't make it any easier. You just have to take the good with the bad." She scoffs, and her arms fly up in an angry gesture before returning to her lap. 'What do you think I've been doing?' He's almost positive that's what she would've said.

 

"I know." He says softly. Her eyes open and she appraises him almost curiously. He felt like she was seeing into his very core, and with her gift, she very well might be. He didn't even try to hide anything. Instead, he softly admitted something that had been bothering him for a while. "I miss you." She looks at him, confused, and gestures to her body. 

 

"Yeah. You're here, but... but you're not. I miss your voice. Hearing you laugh and sing, or tell stupid jokes. I miss your stories. When you tell stories, it paints pictures in my head like I'm watching a movie, and I miss hearing it. I miss having you next to me at night. I miss the way you always fist your hand into my shirt like you're afraid I'm going to suddenly disappear. Like you never want to let me go. I miss waking up to the smell of strawberries. I just miss you, and I wish you'd come back." He says most of it to the floor, if only because he's afraid of Maddie's reaction. This is probably in direct violation of his promise not to push. When he finally does look up Maddie's bright blue eyes are full of tears again. 

 

He's nearly crushed by a tidal wave of a sadness so profound and so deep that he nearly passes out. With that sadness was a strong pain, a sad, angry pain. And love. Fierce, burning love and want, and need, still tinged with sadness. When it fades away he doesn't waste a moment and he's over next to Maddie, pulling her into a crushing hug. She hugs him back tightly and puffs soft breaths of air into his chest. 

 

She sighs deeply, she's resigning herself to something, and pulls away. "Please don't," Dean says quietly. He doesn't want her to pull away. He wasn't lying about how much he freaking misses her. She gazes up at him with a sad, worried look, and chews her lip. Her eyes flash into his for a moment before looking away, then she's standing, and pulling him to his feet. She takes a deep breath, then starts removing her shoes. Socks follow, and- "Maddie? What're you-" She shakes her head at him. She points at the shower, then gestures at herself, and then looks at Dean almost in question. Is he reading this right? "You want me to - uh - together?" She smirks at him. Yeah, yeah. Dean Winchester, ladies man extraordinaire, blushing and stuttering about taking a shower together. 

 

Her look clearly says 'Please.' It's really not even a choice at this point. He can't pass up the opportunity without hating himself, and he's pretty sure if he leaves Maddie alone she'll break down or something. "Alright. If that's what you want." She nods, then suddenly looks unsure. "I won't push, Maddie. Whatever it is you're looking for, just... that's what you'll get, okay? Nothing else." She nods gratefully. She pulls the hair bow out of her hair, and unwinds her braid, letting her hair flow freely down her shoulders in a chestnut haze. She gestures to him and he pulls off his t-shirt. He's wearing a tank top underneath, as usual, and she raises her eyebrow and gives him a tiny smirk. 

 

He resists the urge to roll his eyes and takes off the tank top too, leaving him bare-chested. She's already blushing slightly. She takes another deep breath and grasps the hem of her t-shirt. She looks him right in the eye, surprising him, and then draws it over her head. True to her word, she's not wearing a bra. And holy shit, she's gorgeous. Miles of creamy white skin, interspersed with random freckles here and there. 

 

He thinks he was right about the C cup thing. Her breasts are full, and round, and perky, and perfect. Her nipples are large, and dusky pink towards the center, and light, the lightest, brown on the edges. God, he wants to taste. He has to resist the urge to lick his lips. Her blush is in full effect now, and she looks shy. He smiles at her and she relaxes a bit. Now it's his turn. He nearly laughs as he fumbles with the button and zipper on his jeans, pulling them down, and effectively stepping out of them without making an ass out of himself. She gestures for him to remove his boxers too and he arches an eyebrow at her. 'Please?' her pouty lips say, and God he wants to kiss them. He can't refuse that face though. He's not ashamed of his body, far from it in fact, but doing it like this is making him a little nervous. 

 

He takes a deep breath and pulls those down too, effectively exposing himself to her intense gaze. When he looks up at her through his lashes he's surprised to see a hungry gaze there again, the one she was wearing in the car the other day. Hmm. He watches in intense concentration as she slowly fingers the band of her black pants she's wearing. They're high rising, looking like the pants that pregnant chicks wear, and they come to just at her belly button. 

 

She slowly pushes them off her waist and they fall to the floor without further prompting. Oh. That's why she wanted him to take his boxers off too. She's not wearing underwear, and for some reason, that makes him smile. His gaze is hungry as he takes in her long, fucking amazing legs, all the way up past the dark triangle of hair, and over her hips to where her waist narrowed with a graceful curve, up past her full breasts, and her pouty lips that are slightly swollen from her worrying them with her teeth, and to her eyes. They're shy and timid, and yet she lifts her head up proudly and meets his eyes. "You're gorgeous." Whatever he had been going to say, it wasn't that, the words had just been in his mind and apparently, there wasn't a filter between his mouth and his brain right now. 

 

He loves the creeping pink blush that she gets, he knows it's the one she gets when she's shy. She gives him a tiny smile but shakes her head at him. He's pretty sure she's disagreeing with him, not telling him not to say it. "Yes, you are. Believe me." Her lips quirk up into a quick smile then she glances down and her blush deepens. Well, now she knows he's telling the truth. He doesn't even bother cursing his stupid body for reacting like that. 

 

He wonders where this is going, but she gives him a silent answer when she turns around to turn on the water in the shower. It gives him the perfect view of her ass, which is round and curved perfectly, and it looks firm and hell, he wants his hands on her. Mmm. He probably needs to try thinking of something else, but he can't. She's right there. She turns around and gives him a shy smile before stepping into the shower, which is already starting to steam up. He stands there like an idiot before her hand comes out and crooks a finger at him, reminding him he's supposed to be in there with her. He has no idea how he's going to be able to manage to control himself the way he needs to. He said he wouldn't push. And he won't. 

 

He swears it as he steps into the shower, then all thoughts leave his head and he's breathless. The hot water has already made her skin pink and glowing, and she's flushed and grinning up at him, her eyes bright and shining. She looked ridiculously happy. "What? Why are you smiling like that? I know I'm awesome, but it can't just be because I'm naked." Maddie silently laughs and Dean feels a wave of huge relief rush over him, it's cool and refreshing, and that's when he remembered what Maddie had told him before. 

 

She has issues with her past, and she doesn't want to freak out on Dean. Now he realizes why she's so happy. She hadn't panicked. Happiness rushed through him, and without even thinking about the fact that they were naked he hugged her hard, actually picking her up off the floor. She gasped loudly and her hands came up around his neck because he'd wrapped his arms under hers. 

 

Oh, shit. He realized what he'd just done, and that all of Maddie's creamy, slick skin was pressed up against him. She surprised him though, and instead of tensing or drawing back, she hugged him tighter, burying her face in his throat. It wasn't a sexual thing, it was a comfort thing. A thankful thing. After a moment Dean carefully extracted himself from her embrace and grabbed the washcloth and her body wash off the shower caddy thing. Putting it back on the rack, and thinking how familiar and right it looked sitting there made him think of everything else that had changed since she had come. There was always the smell of coffee in the air when they were in the kitchen. The dishes were almost always done because Maddie liked to do them and keep the kitchen clean even though she hated doing dishes. Up until recently, there was always music playing wherever she was. 

 

Everything from classical to heavy metal, it seemed to always be bleeding out of her laptop wherever she was. Her shoes were almost consistently under the couch for some reason. She hated wearing shoes. And her hairbrush was always showing up in random places. Dean had found it sitting in front of the toaster and sitting on a bookshelf in the library on the same day. There was almost always a blanket in one of the chairs in the library, and now there were half-read books lying everywhere. He couldn't wrap his head around how someone kept so many stories straight at the same time but Maddie was awesome like that. She had just kind of integrated into their lives so easily, it was almost weird. He barely noticed how there were pads now in the bathroom cabinet, or hairbows lying in a pile by the soap dish. 

 

Again, up until recently, wherever Maddie was, there was laughter and happiness. She was not really a very buoyant person, that wasn't her personality to be extroverted, or loud or the life of the party. Maddie had a quiet magnetism that attracted people to her.

 

And she always wanted to help. Even now, it wasn't uncommon to find her holed up with one of the three of them somewhere in the bunker. Even silent, she still had impressive conversations. Dean soaped up the cloth and slowly started running it across her skin along her left collarbone to her shoulder, catching her eyes the entire time. Hers were huge, and blue, and uncertain, but full of want. "Tell me if you want me to stop, and I will, okay?" She nodded and bit her lip. 

 

Oh, he wished she'd quit doing that. It made him want to nibble at her lips. As he ran it down her arm, he was memorizing the feel of her skin under his hands. She had faint scars all down it, and her freckles made constellations all over her. He wanted to trace them with his tongue, connecting the dots, and making her breathless. He would when she wasn't covered in soap if she'd let him. He ran the cloth back up her arm and over her shoulder, gently kneading as he went. She gasped at the sensation and it made him smile. She was so completely responsive, it was awesome. He swiped the cloth slowly up over her throat in little circles and she leaned her head back, completely exposing her throat to his ministrations. It was a submissive gesture, one he wasn't sure she understood. 

 

Or maybe she didn't care. Moving the cloth and dipping into the hollow of her throat made her gasp in the best of ways, and Dean wished she would moan for him like she had before. He wanted to hear it so badly. He moved over and started kneading her other shoulder, and washed down that arm and then back up to her chest. He looked at her and asked with his eyes if it was okay. She nodded breathlessly, her mouth open slightly. Her pupils were dilated, and it made Dean smile again. She was super responsive, and he just couldn't get over how awesome it was. He trailed his hand down, covered with the cloth, over the swell of her breast and her eyes closed as she leaned her head back again. He rubbed down the underside and then cupped the full weight in his hand. Her mouth dropped open in a silent moan that he wished to God he could hear. He made sure not to touch her nipple the entire time, and after a minute of teasing she opened her eyes and stepped forward slightly, pushing her breast into his hand. He flicked his thumb across her nipple quickly, hoping to surprise a sound of her. 

 

It didn't work. It did make her gasp though, so he counted it as a plus. He teased the hardened nub between his fingers, rolling gently for a minute before repeating the process on her other breast. By that time she was all sorts of worked up, she was breathless and her eyes were lust blown, and he loved knowing that he had done that to her. 

 

He trailed the soapy cloth down her hips, past her new freaking beautiful tattoo curling around her hip bone and down onto her thigh, and all the way down her legs, kneeling to do so. He worked his way lovingly back up her generous curves, then ignoring a specific spot between her legs, he stepped up against her and started dragging the cloth across her shoulder blades and down the curve of her back, worshipping her body. When he reached the slope of her ass she nodded before Dean could ask, so he just continued. He was happy to see that he had been right about how firm it was. She moved her hips back into his touch, so he guessed she liked it. He wondered how much experience she had, the whole "not innocent" comment she'd made, and how she'd said she had issues with her past worried him. He hoped it didn't mean what he thought it did. 

 

Finally there was only one place left to wash. 

 

When he looked up at her her eyes were bright and wide, and her skin was flushed from the hot water as well as what he'd been doing. Without much preamble, Maddie grabbed his wrist and trailed it over her sternum, then her belly button, and in between her legs. She gasped and her hips jerked when his hand reached her core. He was just as gentle and methodical with his teasing there, and then he was done. He had said he wouldn't push, and he wasn't going to. 

 

Especially now that he thought he had finally connected the dots about what had happened to her in her past. She had probably been molested or something similar, and he definitely didn't want to remind her of that. She pouted but nipped at his lips playfully when he stopped. Then it was her turn, and she grabbed a new cloth and used his body wash on it. She rubbed it into a lather, then did exactly what he had. Starting with his collarbone and kneading her way skillfully over his shoulder, then down his arm. Her touch lingered over every scar and imperfection from all those hunts, and every accident he'd ever had. There was a soft, caring look on her face as she slowly and methodically studied every inch of his skin. After she'd cleaned both arms she made her way down to his chest and copied the movements he'd made. God, this felt amazing. It had been a long time since he'd done something like this. A very long time, he realized.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment and tell me your thoughts!!! <3


	35. Welcome Back, Maddie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've said it before, but my sister is pretty much my beta-reader even though she's never watched Supernatural. And I am literally DYING of laughter right now cuz she just finished the chapter where Sam and Gabe engage in *clears throat* sexual activities, and she just looked up at me and yelled, "Why is everybody GAY?!" I'm so dead. *laughs myself into tears

Dean didn't know if he ever had, actually. No one besides Cas had ever looked at him like this, and he and Cas hadn't had shower time together yet. Maddie teased his nipples too and that made him bite back a groan, which made her lean up and pull his lip out from between his teeth using hers. 

 

She then worked her way down his hips, and she traced each and every scar on the way, and then back up and ver to work over his abdomen then over his other leg. Fuck, this felt good, and his arousal was showing. He was at a little over half-mast, he didn't know if Maddie would do the same as he had. He was curious though. She made him turn around so she could wash his back and he gasped when he felt the bare fingers of her other hand working over his skin too. Her fingertips left lightning in his bones, and zinging along his spine, right to his cock. When she reached his ass she playfully squeezed and he yelped in a very unmanly way. When he turned around again she was silently laughing at him, her eyes shining with mirth. He had revenge by grabbing her hips and pulling her flush against him and kissing the hell out of her. 

 

His now fully erect cock was grinding into her abdomen but she didn't seem to care as he ravaged her mouth. 

 

He nearly choked on his own tongue when he felt her hand slip between them and carefully wrap around his dick. He groaned, he couldn't help it and dropped his head onto her shoulder. The water and beading pre-cum slicked the way for her, and it felt amazing, but- "Maddie, Mads- you don't have to do this. Not pushing." He gasped as her hand tightened incrementally and started jerking him slowly, teasing, learning what he liked, which shouldn't be hard to figure out since he couldn't stop the sounds coming out of his mouth. He got no verbal response, instead, she washed him in a wave of what she was feeling, which had his heart stuttering. Pure want, and love, as well as lust and desire, ran through him in a hot ripple. He didn't detect a hint of uncertainty or fear so he didn't say anything else. 

 

Soon she had him thrusting his hips into the fold of her hand, and she was twisting her wrist in the way that her thumb would slide across the head of his cock, and it felt fucking amazing. It had him careening towards an orgasm much faster than he normally would, but for once, he didn't feel like an idiot. This was too good. 

 

Her other hand was running all over his body, pinching his nipples and squeezing his hips, but when her fingers came down to gently pull at his balls he nearly lost it right there. He groaned loudly into her shoulder, and she pushed him back against the shower wall as she started jacking him faster. He laid his head back against the tiles, and her mouth started working over his throat. He moaned when she started sucking little marks into his skin. He knew she was doing it hard enough to leave light bruises, and he spared a second of thought to wonder what Cas would think of it, but then his thoughts were gone. Her fingers started rubbing up his taint, pressing gently in all the right ways, and she started jerking him furiously. The heat built in his belly way faster than he expected it to, and it felt like his veins were on fire. "Maddie, I'm gonna-" It dissolved into a moan as he started cumming into her hand, and he moaned louder when she wrapped her lips over his flesh on his neck and sucked hard. Fuck. 

 

He thrust his hips spasmodically as she worked him through his orgasm. When it was finally over and the heat was fading from his veins he realized that he felt really floaty and happy right now. God, that had been awesome. But oh... His thoughts suddenly took a detour, and he realized he should reciprocate. 

 

If she wanted him to. She was looking at him with hungry, proud eyes, and he kissed away her smirk. "Fuck, Maddie, that was amazing," He growled against her mouth, and he literally felt her intake of breath. Wha- Oh. Did she like his voice like that? Hmm. He nibbled his way none too gently over to her ear, where he purposefully kept his voice pitched low and he nearly whispered, "Do you want me to do the same for you?" His hand was on her throat, and he felt her pulse ratchet up as he rumbled, "I want to see you, Maddie. I want to see you cum for me, and I wish I could hear you moan my name. Can I touch you? Can I make you cum? Fuck, I want to see you." He wasn't sure if she realized it or not but her hips were undulating against him as he spoke. 

 

He knew at that moment she would agree. He didn't have a doubt. He was frikken over the moon to find out he was right. She nodded quickly against his chest where her head was leaning, and Maddie's hand grasped the back of his neck in a tight grip. 'Please.' Her body screamed, so he listened.

 

His left hand teased her nipples relentlessly, rolling and pinching them alternatively, as his right hand worked and kneaded its way down her body. He pushed his fingers gently through the soft curly hair there, and then his middle finger was dipping into her wetness. God, she was soaked. Like he'd said... responsive. It was fantastic. Her teeth bit not very gently into his shoulder as he started masterfully rubbing his finger in little circles over her clit. He knew if she would allow herself to that she'd be keening his name, and fuck, he wished she would. He thought about pressing his fingers into her slick heat but decided that might be taking it too far for now. She seemed to have a thing for biting. He wondered if she liked it reciprocated. He decided to try it and find out. He kissed and nipped his way down the column of her neck, and when he reached where it joined her shoulder, he flicked his tongue across the skin and then sank his teeth gently into the skin there. Her hand fisted into his hair tightly, pulling, and for a second he thought he'd fudged up, but her hips jumped against his hand and she was panting into his chest. He realized she liked it a lot, so he kept doing it. 

 

He bit more gently than she had, but it was pretty hard all the same, and she had little red teeth marks spreading over her shoulders, but they would fade away soon. She had started pushing her hips up into his hand, so he started rubbing faster, she gasped loudly, and this time it was her turn to be pushed against the tiles with her head thrown back. He knew she was getting close, her hand was gripping his shoulder spasmodically and her hips kept pushing him to go faster. Her eyes were closed and her mouth open and panting. When he felt like she was right on the verge, he dipped his head down to her ear and rumbled, "I want to see you cum, Maddie. Cum for me. Give it all to me." She did. Gasping and panting and her whole body tensing under Dean's touch, his strong fingers sent her over the edge, and her legs trembled to keep her upright as she shook through her orgasm. 

 

He felt fluid gush over his fingers, and he kept rubbing that little clit in tiny, soft circles, loving that it drove her wild. She bucked her hips against his hand and he drew her left nipple into his mouth, sucking hard, which sent her into another shuddering orgasm. He looked up at her face. He loved what he found there. She was completely blissed out, her mouth pink and open and panting, and not caring what she looked like when she was normally so self conscious. 

 

She was completely open and vulnerable to him in that moment, lost to her pleasure. The pleasure he was giving her. It made his bones feel like jelly that he had done this to her. She was totally wrecked and finally, she had to drag his hand away from her now way too sensitive clit and she wrapped around him like an octopus. The water was still nice and hot, one of the most amazing things about the bunker was it's fantastic water tank, in his opinion. As she unwound from her orgasm, he gently worked the strawberry shampoo into her hair, being careful not to get it in her eyes. He massaged her scalp as he lathered it up, then rinsed it out. 

 

He did the same with conditioner, and by that point, Maddie's eyes had slipped closed and she was holding onto him tightly. Maybe too tightly. After he washed the conditioner out, he held her tightly to him. "What is it, sweetheart? Was that okay?" She nodded against his skin and he felt a little pulse of relief seep through him, but he was still worried. "What is it then? Are you-" 

 

"Dean." Tear-choked and sorrowful, but her voice all the same. Her damned voice. He had completely stopped breathing when she spoke, and now, despite her tone, happiness burst within him, and he felt like he had sunshine living behind his ribs. "Oh, God. Maddie. I missed you. Say it again." He pleaded as he held her tighter. "Dean. Dean, I'm so sorry. For everything." She was trembling in his arms so he held her against him, nearly cradling her, she was so precious. "Don't apologize. There's nothing to be sorry for. Just keep talking. Please." She chuckled, it was tiny, but it was there. Thank God.

 

"I've been so stupid, Dean. I'm sorry. I never should've tried to distance myself from you. Whether I deserve you or not, I was hurting you, and that's just wrong. What happened today, with the demons, I realized I could lose you and that I just- I couldn't stand that. Not after everything. I can't do it. So I'm being weak, and selfish. And here I am. I'm sorry."

 

He murmured into her hair, "Stop saying you're sorry. Don't you ever do that to me again, but it's okay." The both laughed weakly. "I missed you so much. When I thought I was going to lose you and Cas today... Jesus, I felt like I was dying, over and over. It was torture." 

 

"I missed you too. And I know. It was awful. I was nearly panicking the whole time."  
"You did great though. And everybody's alive. That's a win in our book." She laughed lowly, and he reveled in the gentle sound. "Fair enough. The demons know about me and Cas now though."

 

"They already knew. Apparently, you're big news in Hell."  
"That sucks... Good timing on the tattoo though." Dean laughed. "Damn right." They held each other until the water started to turn cold, which was a long time.

 

When they walked back into the kitchen he should've expected the smartass comments. He hadn't been thinking about it, but they both returned at the same time with wet hair, and red cheeks, and swollen lips, and you can only be so obvious. Maddie walked across the kitchen and hopped up on the counter, pulling an apple out of the bowl and biting into it before even looking up at the room. When she did she seemed to realize that Cas, Sam, and Gabriel were staring at them. "What?" She said. Everybody gasped audibly and Dean had to resist the urge to smile. "Maddie, you're talking!" She completely dead-panned a 'No, really?' look at Sam before breaking out into laughter. Gabriel was smirking at Dean and he knew it was coming. 

 

"So, magic shower sex, huh? If I'd've known that then the silent spell could have been over so much soo-" An apple whopped right in the forehead mid-sentence. Dean had a brief moment of 'what-the-fuck?' but when he looked over at Maddie, she was turning red, and then she just burst out laughing. It actually had noise, and it sounded rich and amazing to Dean, who'd missed the sound. 

 

Gabriel narrowed his eyes at her and pointed a finger with a dirty glare. "If you were anyone else I swear to all that's holy I would go drop you off in a desert somewhere." She hopped off the counter and went over to him before bending down and hugging him sideways. "Don't lie, Gabe. You're just a big softie. Just like Dean-"  
"Hey!" 

 

"And no, to soothe the smartass comment, no magic shower sex. Sorry to ruin the fantasy." She went and hopped back up on the counter and swung her legs like a kid. Gabriel said, "You know, I don't remember you being this snarky. Or sarcastic." She laughed. "I haven't said anything smartass to you for so long, it just all kind of built up. Good luck with the overflow." Cas, who'd been silent the entire time looked up at Maddie then and smiled softly. "Welcome back, Maddie. It's nice to hear your voice again." She smiled warmly back at him. "Thanks, Cas. It's nice to be back." Despite all the shit that had happened today they all relaxed over dinner, and Maddie actually joined in on the conversation, which was in Dean's opinion, frankly amazing. He couldn't get enough of her voice. It felt so incredibly good to hear her laugh again. He didn't have to be an empath to figure out that everybody else at the table did too. It was a good night, for all intents and purposes. 

 

She slept with him and Cas that night, and Dean was going to make sure that she kept doing it. He was tired of waking up in the middle of the night missing her. It sucked the big one. He fell asleep with both Cas and Maddie in his arms. He was in the middle this time, and both their heads were on his chest, and he had his arms wrapped around their shoulders, and theirs were thrown around his waist. It was a cocoon of warmth and love and it sent Dean to sleep faster than a bottle of Jack, and he didn't have to worry about a headache in the morning. It was fantastic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry guys, but with some stuff going on in my life I won't be updating for an indeterminate amount of time. I'm moving to a new place, and yeah... This story is NOT finished, and I will be updating again, I promise, I just don't know when. If you liked the story, bookmark it or subscribe or whatever so you know when I update again. I honestly have no idea when I will be able to get back to this story, but I WILL come back to it. It's not abandoned. I hope you guys have enjoyed it so far. :) Thanks to all those that have been reading and commenting. <3


	36. Love You Guys for That

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHIT GUYS!! My sister helped me write this chapter! If you guys haven't read the comments on the previous chapter, Boo is my Beta reader, and I based the OFC Lorretta off of her. My sis is super awesome sauce, and like, the last 9 chapters you guys have read on anything I've posted is there because of her harping at me. So send her some love guys!! Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy!!! PLEASE COMMENT! <3 <3 Love you guys!!

From the Journal of Dean:  
October 8th:

  
_Alright, so I guess I'm giving this a shot. Now Maddie is chewing me out over it too. They've all ganged up on me for not writing in this thing. Bunch of buzzards... I don't know what to put here, I suck at writing. I'm a man of action, not a "sit at a desk and pour out my feelings to a book" kinda guy. Crap. I just realized I'm Ginny from Harry Potter right now. Of course, I'm the girl. Figures. Damn... I don't know, I guess I could say what's going on? Maddie started talking again yesterday, after some (awesome) shower shenanigans. God, she's amazing. That was probably like one of the hottest things I've ever experienced. Oh, and Maddie and Cas at the same time? Nirvana. I can't wait, and I'm pretty positive it's gonna happen at some point. They're kinda togethery, and we're togethery, it only makes sense. Literally like the best fantasy ever, I mean come on. Better than the C twins. Ahh, man... Right now she's in the kitchen. I can hear the music from here..._

  
_Thunderstruck by ACDC. That's my girl. I don't know where anybody else is at the moment. Sam and Gabe are constantly up each other's butts. If you find one, you find the other. The same can generally be said for me and Cas as far as it goes. If Cas isn't with me, he's usually with Maddie. So, we're currently on house arrest now. Or bunker-bound, whatever. Gabby went all high and mighty archangel on us and now we're stuck in here. Well, actually some dude named Jughead went all high and mighty archangel on us. It's a huge mess, and honestly, I don't feel like sitting here writing it down._

  
_I don't even like writing. I don't know why they're so_ adament _about this. I get Sammy, and then, like maybe Cas, cuz he's weird like that, but Maddie said the same thing. I feel like I'm missing something here. I really want to read Cas's journal just to see what he's said. Apparently Maddie keeps one too. It just makes me curious. I don't understand why people keep these. What's the point? Why would I want to record_ whaat _I'm thinking at such and such time. I already know. And honestly, going back to read it later would probably just be torture. We've gotta get this frigging guy. Jegudiel, or some crap, but I'm calling him Jughead, cuz seriously, Chuck, you suck at names. Jegudiel? Really? Then there's this Azrael dude or whatever that's after Sam. Apparently anyway. We're being targeted. We need to train Maddie so she's ready to fight. We need to teach her how to handle other weapons, machetes and swords, and stuff like that. You never know what you might need. God, this is a nightmare. But... I don't know. It's weird, but I kind of feel hopeful. Maybe we actually got this. Like... I don't know. Maybe we'll actually come out topside on this one. That'd be a nice freaking change._

_~Dean_

  
He left his journal on the desk and went to find everybody else. They needed to talk.

  
He found Sam and Gabe in the war room looking over some old papers that Dean couldn't read because they were in some ancient language that he couldn't pronounce. He found Cas in the library researching ancient magic trying to figure out how Jughead trapped Gabe. He gave him a quick kiss before Sam and Gabe started making fun of him for it. Dean brought them all to the kitchen. Maddie turned her music down and looked up from her laptop from where she was sitting at the kitchen table, her glasses winking with the light.  
  
"Can I help you gentleman?" She quipped and Sam snorted as he sat down. Gabriel snagged an apple out of the bowl before hopping up onto the counter and taking a bite of it and Cas started making himself a cup of coffee. It's all so domestic that it's a little hard for Dean to process. They almost seem like a real family. He shook his head minutely like that'd help clear his thoughts. "Alright, so I was thinking-"  
  
"Wow, really? Hot damn, Dean-o, I didn't know you were able to do that."  
  
Dean glared at Gabe with a scowl. "Shut it, assface. This is serious."  
  
"It's always serious, Dean-o. You gotta learn to have a little fun."  
  
"Yeah. You're right. Insulting your dumbass is fu-"  
  
"Quit with the alpha posturing, you two. You're being ridiculous" Sam threw in and they both send him a glare. Gabriel threw up his hands with a dramatic sigh. "Alright. To be reconvened later." Dean just rolls his eyes and starts talking again, this time on topic. "Alright. So we need to train Maddie."  
  
"I thought I was being trained?"  
  
"Yeah, but I mean with weapons. Machetes, katanas, knife-fighting, a friggin' baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire. The whole shebang. You've got to be prepared."  
  
"Alright. I'm down. You outta know that by now." She raised her eyebrows at him. "Yeah, yeah, I know."  
  
Gabriel spoke up, "So is that what this big family meeting was about? You coulda just texted us that Dean-o." Dean clenched his jaw to keep from saying anything. That name is annoying and he's about three seconds away from trying to fry an archangel. "No, I just wanted to suggest that we all train her. Teach her how to spar, fight multiple opponents, yada yada. We've all got different skills, and she kinda needs the works."  
  
"Way to make me feel like a newbie," Maddie muttered.  
  
"You are the newbie, sugar. Deanie's right on this one. You've got a lot to learn."  
  
"I know that. Thanks for the reminder," She said sarcastically. "So what's first?"

 

~Later~

  
  
"Maddie's doing good isn't she?" Dean asked Sam. They're leaning against the wall as Gabriel is showing Maddie how to slice and dice with a machete, and Cas is practicing with a katana.  
  
"They're both doing good. Maddie's weirdly good at all this. Have you noticed that?" Sam replied. Dean nodded.  
  
"Yeah. Maybe it's just instincts or something. Some people come naturally to things. Me with girls. You with books. Apparently Maddie with weapons." Sam rolled his eyes and Dean took the moment to really look at him. His eyes have circles under them and his face is a little thinner than Dean's used to seeing it. His eyes look haunted.  
  
"Dude, what's up with you? I know I've been a bit preoccupied with everything the last few weeks but that doesn't mean I've forgotten about you. You alright?"  
  
Sam's silent for a long moment and Dean knows he's thinking. He's wearing his thinking face. It looks more solemn than usual. "I just... Everything, Dean. I mean, everything. All of this. Demons after Maddie, and apparently me. Me losing my mind after she came here for no reason. I feel so guilty about that."  
  
"You know we both forgive you. I'm not sure if Maddie could hold a grudge if she tried. Come on, Sammy. Past is the past and all that." Sam smiled thinly but it didn't reach his eyes. Dean's worried. How did he miss that it was this bad?  
  
"It doesn't matter, Dean. I still did it. And I don't even really know why. Everything just got so out of hand. You know I'm not... I'm not like that. Not really. I haven't- I mean, like that- since the demon blood. It's just... I don't know."  
  
"We all make mistakes. You and me know that more than anybody. But we got past it. And we'll get past this too. Just wait and see. When we're ninety and arguing about stupid shit like where you put your cane we'll look back on this and laugh." Sam's smile actually reached his eyes this time and it made Dean happy. He even chuckled a little.  
  
"Yeah, right... You know something?" Dean quirked an eyebrow at him as an invitation to speak and Sam glanced over at everybody on the floor practicing.  
  
"They're good for you. Cas and Maddie, I mean. You... You seem more open. It's a good thing." Dean huffed and rolled his eyes but Sam's right, and he knows it.  
  
"Yeah, yeah. I know. Feelings and all that. Whatever. But listen, if you need me, holler at me. No matter what. You're still my little brother, you know?" Sam nodded.  
  
"Thanks. I know."  
  
"So you and Gabe good?"  
  
"Yeah. We're really good. He's... I don't know. I never thought it'd be like this, you know? He's great, honestly. He puts up with all my bullshit, and he already knows all our baggage. But he's just so - Honestly? Impossible to explain." Sam laughed, "We're good, Dean."  
  
"Good. And this concludes our hugging and kissing part of the session." Sam laughed. "Still the same old Dean."  
  
"Bitch."  
  
"Jerk."

  
~Maddie~

  
Maddie walked into the room and collapsed onto the bed she's now sharing with Dean and Cas. Neither of them was in it right now, she'd just left them. She was exhausted. They'd been training pretty hardcore today and she'd learned how to use the machete correctly. She needed to work on her technique, but all the guys said she picked stuff up easily. God, she was tired. She turned over onto her stomach and crawled up the bed before shoving her face into Cas's pillow. She grabbed Dean's pillow as she rolled onto her side a little bit and hugged it to her chest. She was comfortable now. She breathed slowly in and out, calming herself down from the residual adrenaline lingering around in her blood. She breathed in Dean's and Cas's scents from their pillows and went to sleep.

  
  
~Castiel~

  
  
Castiel was tired. Training was harder for him now, he wasn't used to being tired like this. Keeping his body in shape as a human was going to be more difficult than he had originally thought. He shuffled to their bedroom slowly, his brain buzzing with white noise. He didn't bother to turn on the light when he entered the room. He shut the door behind him with a quiet snick and found his way to the bed blindly. He fell into it and heard a muffled groan. He had forgotten Maddie was in here. He crawled up the bed and settled beside her, then realized he barely had any room at all to lay his body. Maddie was sleeping on his side with her face in his pillow.  
  
"Maddie...  _Move_." He mumbled, shaking her shoulder gently. She made a soft negative noise and didn't move. Fine then. Castiel got up on his knees and slid his arms under Maddie. He lifted her gently and pushed her across the bed. He flopped down onto his back with a relieved sigh and settled in. He was nearly asleep when he felt Maddie climb over on top of him. He pulled himself back up to consciousness to find Maddie in a yoga pose, a child's pose, atop his body. Her head was nestled in the planes of his chest right above his sternum, and her calves framed his hips. She was warm and soft against him. His hand found it's way into her hair without a conscious thought, then he was on the verge of sleep again. He let himself be taken under.

  
  
~Later~

  
  
"Cas. Cas, wake up." Dean's voice brought him up to consciousness with a groan. Oh, heavens. "What is it, Dean?" He grumbled. Then he heard it. Maddie was laughing and jerking in her sleep. She was still on top of him, dreaming apparently. Oh, wow. He stifled a snicker despite being woken up from his pleasant sleeping. Maddie wasn't just laughing, she was talking out loud in her sleep too.  
  


~Maddie~  
~Flashback~

  
_Maddie walks into the kitchen and heads straight for the coffee maker. She needs the hit of caffeine to live. She feels like a zombie. Lorretta and her had stayed up most of the night just being morons and she was paying the price now. That was okay. She didn't mind too much. No regrets and all that, she thought with a smile. Boo suddenly comes out of the bathroom, hair wet from a shower, and heads for the coffeemaker too. She shoves Maddie out of the way with a booty bump and makes Maddie spill her coffee out over the rim of her cup and splash in the sink. "Hey! Watch it, Hips Don't Lie. There's pedestrians milling about!"  
_   
_Lorretta smacks Maddie lightly on her shoulder as she drew her cup from the cabinet. "Well, you were in my way." Maddie raises an eyebrow saucily and leans her hip against the counter casually. "Excuse me, I have just as much right to this kitchen as you do." She smacks her back lightly._

_"Nope. I don't think so. I require more coffee than you do, so it's mine." Lorretta quipps snappily. Maddie fires back, "How do you need more coffee? You're more concentrated than I am, Shortstack. I'm like 6 inches taller than you. I gotta spread that caffeine out."  
_   
_"Because I have to fill my handle and my spout." Maddie nearly chokes as she starts laughing. Then she mimics Jeff Dunham's character Achmed in a spot-on impression, "We do not need to know such graphic details!"_

_Lorretta sings as she adds sugar to her cup. "Here is my handle," She flips Maddie the bird. "And here is my spout," She sticks her tongue out, making Maddie laugh.  
_   
_"Well, aren't you a jackass before caffeine. Hey, whatcha makin' for breakfast, homeskillet?"  
_   
_"Hmm..." She pauses dramatically and pretends to be thinking with a hand on her hip. "Let's see... How about bacon and pancakes and..." She turns around laughing, "Nah, just kidding. There's cereal in the cabinet."  
_   
_Maddie whines overdramatically. "But Booooooo, I don't want cereal!"  
_   
_"Well, I wanted to drink my coffee in peace, but too bad so sad."  
_   
_"Oh, come on! I'll make you hot chocolate later if you make me breakfast." Maddie smiles hopefully.  
_   
_"Will you put marshmallows in it?" She asks quietly.  
_   
_"Uh, obviously. What the hell else would I put in there?"  
_   
_"Knowing you? Probably arsenic."  
_   
_"Nah, not if you make me breakfast."  
_   
_"Gee, what a threat." She mumbles.  
_   
_"If you don't, I'll consider the arsenic fair game."  
_   
_"Note: No longer eat powdered donuts around Maddie."  
_   
_"That'd probably be smart." Maddie says as she sits down at the kitchen table and takes a sip from her coffee cup, reveling in the sweet taste. She looks over at the stove obviously then back at Boo with an eyebrow raised in question._

_Lorretta rolls her eyes. "Ugh, did you mean right now?"  
_  
 _"No. I'd rather have breakfast right before I go to bed. God, what're you thinking, Boo? Breakfast in the morning?" Maddie deadpans. And that makes Lorretta shoot her a bitchface that would rival Sam Winchester's. "I was thinking that maybe I'd get out of it, but nah. After coffee, homeslice."  
_  
 _"Ugh," Maddie rolls her eyes, "Well drink faster." She quips, then starts chanting, "Chug, chug, chug, chug!"  
_  
 _"I'd rather not snort my coffee again, thanks," Boo says sarcastically.  
_  
 _"I said DRINK, not snort. Gosh, you're such a drug addict. Keep it in the needle, Elvis. Make me food." She whines.  
_  
 _"I'm so glad you have high hopes for me, so great at boosting my self-esteem and motivation. JESUS, fine." And then in an absolutely perfect Mrs._   _Doubtfire imitation Boo says, "Breakfast help is on the way, dear!"  
_  
 _Maddie snorts. "Oh my God, okay, Robin Williams. Make me food before I shank you. I know where you sleep, remember?"  
_  
 _"Considering we live in the same house it would be a little weird if you didn't. Like a whole new level of weird. Put-the-lotion-on-it's-skin-or-else-it-get's-the-hose again kind of weird, basement-junk level weird."  
_  
 _Maddie starts laughing so hard that she chokes on the sip of coffee she was taking. She tries to keep it in her mouth but totally fails and ends up spitting it all over the table. "Oh... my... God!" She wheezes. "I can't believe you went there. I can't frikken breathe!"  
_  
 _"Oh yeah, I went there." Boo winks and starts pulling a frying pan out of the cabinet and setting it on the stove.  
_  
 _"God, now I want to watch the movie!" Maddie says excitedly.  
_  
 _"Why are you so weird?" Boo asks without even turning around. "I love horror movies! That's not weird. You're weird. You used to lick toes when you were little so you have no room to talk, Toe Licker."  
_  
 _"Holy shit, dude." Lorretta says, "I did not need to remember that. You better quit testin' me, Hoebag. Do you want breakfast or not?"  
_  
 _"Yes. No toes, please."  
_  
 _"No promises."  
_  
 _"I'll take that chance, I guess." Maddie sighs dramatically. "'Kay. I'm starting it now, Asshat."  
_  
 _"That was uncalled for. Hey, will you make bacon?! I want bacon! Pleaaaassseee?"  
_  
 _"You're so needy."  
_  
 _"And ownin' it!"  
_  
 _"How about I make me and you bacon, then I eat all of yours too?"  
_  
 _"Nooooo. That's my bacon."  
_  
 _"I'm pretty sure since I'm the one cooking it I've got dibs, Dipstick."  
_  
 _"Oh, shut up, Boo. Hey?"  
_  
 _"What do you want now, child?" Maddie smirks and deepens her voice down really low. She does her best Little Shop Of Horrors imitation and says, "Feeeeed meeee, Seeyymouree."  
_  
 _"Fine, I would if you'd shut up."  
_  
 _"Fine, fine. I'll be quiet." Maddie holds up her hands in surrender.  
_  
 _"It's about freaking time."  
_  
"O _h hush. Ain't no point in life unless I get to bug you." Maddie smiles sweetly and bats her eyelashes at Boo. "Oh, don't you dare act all innocent and kind. We all know you're a demon on the inside. BRING MY SISTER BACK!" Then she adds as an after thought, "Without vocal cords, preferably." Lorretta turns back around and starts cooking, cracking eggs into a skillet. Maddie laughs. "You're such an asshole, but thank you for making me food."  
_  
 _"Yeah, yeah. You're welcome."_

 

~Maddie~  
~Present~

  
  
Maddie is pulled from her dream with a start. What? She blinked blearily, raising her head up to look around. Dean is on his back next to her and Cas with tears rolling down his face and holding his stomach, loudly laughing like a hyena. Cas is under her and he's barely holding it together. She raised up on her arms and looked down at his red face and he lost it, bursting out laughing. "Well, good morning to you too. What's so funny?"  
  
Both the guys tried to speak, but no such luck. They're laughing too hard. Shit. Was she talking out loud that whole time? When Dean's finally able to speak he asked, "Keep it in the needle, Elvis?"   
  
Cas started cracking up again before he's able to ask, "Who's Hips Don't Lie?" Cas's curiosity never fails him, and Maddie started laughing. Damn. "You guys heard all that, huh?"  
  
Dean smirked. "Every damn word. And let me tell you, that was probably the funniest thing I've heard in years."  
  
Maddie groaned and laid her head back down on Cas's chest, effectively hiding her face. He's warm and comfortable and smelled like thunder. Unless she's crazy, the necklace Gabe gave her that came from Cas's feather winked blue for a second. She hoped neither of the guys noticed it. Apparently, luck held out. Cas's hand came up and stroked her hair. "Was Hips Don't Lie your sister?" He asked softly, and for once the thought doesn't send a huge pang of guilt through her. "Yeah," She replied quietly.  
  
"Boo has..." Maddie winced, " _Had_  really wide hips, and we used to dance to that song all the time. She was horrible about bumping into things and knocking them over," She paused, "Including people." Dean and Cas both chuckle and this time she does too. It's nice to remember the good stuff.  
  
"Definitely sounds like you fought like siblings, that's for damn sure. At least from what we could gather from the one-sided conversation." Dean said.  
  
"Oh, that was just me and her playing around. We could fight like cats and dogs, but that was both of us in a good mood." She laughed. "You guys would've liked her." Maddie grew quiet after that statement wondering why the hell she'd said that. She doesn't have to open her eyes to know Dean scooted across the bed then. She can hear him move then his wide hand slides down her back comfortingly. "It's okay, Maddie. We're here for you."  
  
"Guys-" Her voice broke and then she's being enveloped in arms, surrounded by warmth. A small whimper escaped her lips unbidden by any conscious thought. "Shh, it's okay, sweetheart." Dean murmured into her hair. "It's alright."  
  
"Maddie, it's okay. You're safe." Cas said.  
  
"I know. I know I am. I love you guys for that."  
  
"We love you too," They say at the same time.  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, btw, I'm like REALLY sorry I changed tenses writing this, I just couldn't seem to work around it? I'm sorry if it screwed anything up, I know all the last chapters have been written in like a past tense. This one just refused to be written that way, lol. :D


	37. I Guess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight warning for a depressed Maddie y'all. It's gonna get dark soon.

~From the Journal of Castiel:  
October 9th~

  
_Maddie had a hard night last night. She had a very vivid dream of her sister, one which Dean and I were partially privy to because she talks in her sleep sometimes. Our laughter woke her up, I think. She was okay at first, but I guess it was too much, and she began to cry. Who wouldn't, honestly? Her sister was everything to her. Sometimes I wonder... Years ago, after we first met, I sat on a bench in a park with Dean after we lost a seal. I told him that I'm not a hammer. I told him that I have doubts, which was true then, and is true now. My Father and I have reconciled to a point, I suppose, but I still do not understand His ways. I suppose I never will, which is endlessly frustrating to me. Why did Lorretta have to die? Why did Gabriel become Maddie's guardian? Why are she and I falling in love? Or already in love, I suppose. It's all so new and confusing. I'm not very good at being human. Things elude me still. Awkward nuances in, never mind... I digress._

  
_Why are Dean and I soulmates when Maddie and he are soulmates too? Why did I hear Maddie for a year from another dimension? That should not be possible. I only wish things made sense. Was it really the right choice to bring Maddie over here? Maddie and Dean are everything to me and I don't wish to change the fact that she's here. But perhaps it was a mistake? The entirety of Hell is apparently after Maddie, and demons have already attacked. Jegudiel has created some sort of weapon that even Gabriel is defenseless against. How are we supposed to stand a chance? If I had left Maddie in her home dimension this wouldn't have happened. My family, Maddie included, wouldn't be in danger. Well, as hunters they're nearly always in some sort of danger, but they wouldn't be in this danger. It's at a time like this I miss being a seraph. We experience fear, we experience worry and doubt. But this? We don't experience abject terror. I'm so scared that I will lose my family. That I will lose my precious piece of home, and that they will all lose each other._

  
_We've all integrated so entirely into each other's lives, we're inseparable now, odd as it may seem. Gabriel and Sam. Dean and I. Dean and Maddie. Maddie and I. Dean and Sam's brotherly bond. Gabriel and I's brotherly bond. Gabriel and Maddie's friendship. Sam and Maddie's friendship. She has drawn us all so close together. Had I not brought her here, Dean I would not be "us." Gabriel and Sam would not be "them." We would not be this little piece of our own personal heaven in the bunker. It's thanks to Maddie. But... What if we lose her or somebody else before we have the chance to really grow? I could not stand it. I feel so entirely useless as a human. It is the equivalent of being a human being your entire life and then falling in love with a dandelion and becoming one yourself. Rooted to the ground, unable to move. It's simultaneously the most beautiful and most infuriating thing I've ever experienced. I don't know how to do this. I just don't know... ~Cas_  
  
  
~  
  
Castiel leaves his journal and goes to find Gabriel. He has a favor to ask him. He finds him in the kitchen eating the last piece of pie which will go over great with Dean, Castiel suspects.   
  
"Wait a sec, you want me to do what?"  
  
"I would do it myself if I could but, obviously, I can't. It's not that big of a favor, really."  
  
"I know that, little bro. But still. Are you sure?"  
  
"Yes, Gabriel. I wouldn't have become human if I wasn't sure about Dean."  
  
"Madster too?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"As long as you're positive. I guess I don't have to tell you it's dangerous."  
  
"I'm positive. Thank you."  
  
"No problem, baby bro."

 

~Maddie~

  
  
Maddie sighed lightly as she wandered into the kitchen looking for food. She's a little hungry but probably won't eat much. Her appetite usually goes out the window when she's like this. Maddie slipped into a depressive episode after her breakdown last night. It happens sometimes, and it usually works in cycles. She's used to it. She just never thought it'd be quite this hard. With Boo gone there's this constant ache in her chest. It's guilt and sorrow and sadness and it sucks giant horse balls. When Mom died it was more like a hole. Just empty. Numbness. Boo's gone and Maddie felt like it's her fault. She hated it, but she's always had that complex. She just has to live with it. Dean has the same complex so she knew he'd understand. Hell, all the Winchester's have it, including her and Cas. Legally speaking, they're Winchesters now. That's kind of ironic, really, she thought with a small smirk. She had to repress a small laugh when she spies Gabe int he kitchen. He's humming an Elvis song and flipping pancakes in boxers and one of Sam's t-shirts. A small smile quirked her lips.  
  
"Good night last night, Gabe?" She asked teasingly and crossed the kitchen, going past the table to head for the coffee pot. He smirked at her.  
  
"Good morning to you too. Is it that obvious?"  
  
"Considering your outfit and the fact that you're humming as you make pancakes, I'd say it kinda is."  
  
Gabriel scoffed indignantly. "Hey! These are super comfortable."  
  
"I never thought I'd see you like that, but it looks good on you."  
  
"I get the feeling you don't mean Sam-o-lam's shirt." Maddie poured milk into her mug and watched it swirl up into the black coffee. It was pretty. Gabe had been kind enough to make some before she came in here.  
  
"No, just... I don't know. The whole domestic bliss thing. And you're not even wearing pants. You're comfortable here, I guess. I mean, if that makes sense." Gabriel nodded and flipped pancakes out onto a plate with a skill she'll never be able to possess...  
  
"Yeah, it makes sense. I didn't see me in it either. But Sammy's just... I don't know-"  
  
"Your perfect match?" She spoke before really thinking and Gabriel turned to give her a quizzical look. "What does that mean?"  
  
"I mean, I was thinking about it. Your Dad was literally matchmaking you guys. Like, the creator of the universe wanted you and Sam together. You guys are like a perfect fit. It's kind of hard to explain the way it makes sense in my head." Maddie grimaced.  
  
"No, no. I think I get it. A little disturbing, but an accurate point, I guess."  
  
"Where is Sammy anyway?"  
  
"He's sleeping. I think I tired him out last night." Gabriel wagged his eyebrows and made Maddie wince. "Okay, unneeded-to-know-information. Glad you guys are happy though."  
  
"And you and the profound pair? How're you guys?" Maddie snorted a laugh. Gabe's acting like they haven't talked in the last few months or something. It's not like they live together or anything. "We're fine, I guess."  
  
"You guess? That doesn't sound promising."  
  
"No, it doesn't." Piped up a deep voice from the kitchen entryway. Shit. Dean's standing there in grey jogging pants and a black t-shirt. "Hi, Dean. Fancy meeting you here." He walked in and headed for the refrigerator.  
  
"Mhmm. So what's up? You guess?" Maddie shivered unconsciously. She didn't mean anything by it. Especially not the way the guys are taking it.  
  
"I didn't mean it like that. We're good. I just said it like that because I wasn't sure why Gabe was really asking me. I mean, we live together." That came out stupid. Dean just raised an eyebrow at her and she swallowed thickly and averted her eyes, looking down at the table and examining the scarred wood. It's knotted and varnished and actually kind of pretty. She hates when she's like this, dammit- She felt a hand come down on her shoulder and she flinched before looking up into worried green eyes.  
  
"Hey, you alright? You're not usually that jumpy." She just brushed it off, but she knows what's coming. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking and didn't know you came up behind me."  
  
"Deep thoughts, huh?" Gabe asked.  
  
"Yeah, I guess." She said quietly. Fuck.  
  
"Maddie, can I talk to you for a second?" Dean asked, and crap, this is going to end well. Of course, he knew something was up. She's a terrible actor. She never really had to hide it before. Nobody really noticed. Boo always did, but then Boo has... had a similar problem so of course she kno- _knew_ the signs. She sighed heavily. She doesn't want to lie to Dean, but if she tells him... She's not sure how that will go. She doesn't want to be coddled. It's only going to get worse as the day goes on, she can feel it. She's lucky she has the energy to keep the conversation up right now, but she can feel it happening. That weary cycle of everything just getting to be too much. Noises too loud, feelings too much. She mentally prepared herself anyway and said, "Yeah, sure."  
  
She put her coffee cup on the table and Dean gestured for them to walk out of the kitchen. Not that it matters anyway. If Gabriel wants to eavesdrop he'll have no problem listening no matter where they are, really. Angel perks, she guessed. Maddie followed Dean out of the kitchen and into the library, which is looking a little more used than usual. There are books spread out on the tables to random pages, and stacks of paper spread haphazardly across most of the flat surfaces. They've all been trying to find answers and it's not working. Dean turned around to face her and crossed his arms over his chest. She swallowed thickly. He looked a little angry, and she felt like she's on trial. She knew that it's just because her mindset right now but she can't help it.  
  
Dean's looking at her intensely, studying her almost, which is really uncomfortable and she shifts her weight nervously, her fingers clutching around her mom's knife in her jacket pocket. It grounds her and makes her feel a little safer even though she knows Dean wouldn't do anything to hurt her.  
  
"Are we alright?" Dean asks softly and his arms uncross. He sounds... vulnerable. And worried. Oh. Her heart softens at that. She didn't mean to make him feel like that. Maddie nods and tries to reassure him. "Yeah, Dean. We're fine. After last night I'm just kind of wonky today. I'm sorry for making you worry. We're all good, I promise." Maddie steps forward and gives him a quick kiss before pulling him in for a hard hug. "I'd tell you if something was wrong, I promise. I didn't mean to worry you." Dean wraps his arms around her and she feels him bury his face in her hair. Maybe last night scared him too. She kind of freaked out.  
  
"It's alright. I just wanted to check. You were... pretty upset last night. Are you okay? I mean honestly okay?" Maddie pulls away and nods.  
  
"Yeah, I uh... Just yeah. I'm alright. As much as I can be, I guess. Just a little blah, I guess." His eyes narrowed minutely and she wondered if he knew she was lying. She wanted to tell him, but at the same time, she didn't tell anyone when she was like this. She wasn't sure how Dean would react. To the best of her knowledge, Sam had never even told Dean about having depression. How would he take it if she told him about hers? She didn't know, and she was a little scared. "Alright. As long as you're good. If you need something you'd tell me right?" Maddie's a little surprised by the question but she nods.  
  
"Yeah. I'm good, Dean. Just uh... If I'm a little distant today, it's not you guys. I'm just feeling kind of blah..." She trails off. She's close to just breaking and telling him everything but she's saved by the bell, so to speak.  
  
"Is everything alright?" Cas asks quietly from the doorway. They both look over at him. His hair's a freaking mess and he's wearing some of his new clothes... matching duck pajamas. Nice.  
  
"Yeah, it's fine, Cas," Maddie assures him. Dean glances at her with an eyebrow raised and she hastens to change the subject.  
  
"Gabe's making breakfast if you're interested. Pancakes." Cas gives a small smile. "Sounds good." Maddie nods and walks away before she can be questioned some more. She slips by Cas and walks back towards the kitchen. Her hands are shaking a bit, she notices. Shit. She shoves them in her pockets and takes a deep breath. She needs to chill the fuck out. She's terrible at hiding this.

  
~Dean~

  
Dean closes the space between him and Cas and grabs him up in a big hug, kissing the crown of his head. Even now, he's still surprised by how easy he slipped into this whole this-doesn't-feel-weird thing. He thought it'd be weird kissing and hugging on a guy, among other things, but it's really not. It mostly just feels right with Cas, which he's thankful for. If he had to juggle feeling like an idiot for it on top of everything else he'd probably crack. "She seem a little off to you?" He asks. Cas nods. "Yes. I wonder if she's feeling alright after last night."  
  
"She said that if she's distant today that it's not us that she's just feeling blah. That sound like Maddie?"  
  
"Perhaps she just wants some space. I'm sure this whole situation is overwhelming for her." Dean hums. "Yeah, maybe. Probably should keep an eye on her though. Want some pancakes?" They end the embrace and Cas smiles. "Yes. That sounds good right now." Dean just nods, his mind far away. What's up with Maddie?  
  


~Gabriel~

  
Gabriel pinpoints where Maddie is and drops in to see what she's doing. She's been really weird all day and he thinks he knows what's going on. She's lying across her bed, the one that in the room that she's actually supposed to be using, not the one that she shares with Cas and Dean (as if that's not proof enough that something's wrong). She's staring at the ceiling with a blank look. Fuck. Gabriel flies back to the library where he's been speed reading everything in sight trying to find something to help them. So far, nada. He collapses into his favorite armchair for the sake of it and pulls out his phone to text everyone.  
  
 **G >Everyone: Something's up with the Madster.**  


**S: I've noticed she seems off today. What do you think's wrong?**  
 **C: She's seemed strangely distant all day today. Perhaps it has something to do with what happened last night.**  
 **D: yeah. she's been weird since last night. she had a dream about her sister and cried herself back to sleep. it wasnt good.**  


**G >S: Not sure. I've got an idea though. We need to talk to her, I think.**   
**G >C: Yeah, Dean told me about the dream. That's not good.**   
**G >D: Yeah... We need to talk to her. Right now she's lying on HER bed staring at the ceiling.**

  
**S: I think that would be smart. She told me she deals with bouts of depression. Maybe it's that.**  
 **C: No, it's not.**  
 **D: youve got to be kidding me. seriously? thats great.**  


**G >Everyone: Anybody up for some high school angst and Saturday detentions courtesy of John Hughes? She could use the company.**  
  
  
  



	38. Cutting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is dark as hell, guys. WARNING: For cutting, graphic cutting, terrible thoughts, and self-esteem. SELF HARM AND HATE. 
> 
> GUYS, SKIP THE ASTERISKED AREA IF YOU GET TRIGGERED! 
> 
> It won't affect the way the fic flows, it'll all still make sense. It's a graphic description of how she cuts. PLEASE don't read it if it will affect you. I don't want to hurt anyone.

  
  
~Maddie~

 

She managed to make it through most of the day before she broke. It's almost eight o'clock now, so she almost made it a whole day. Weak. The word pings around in her brain like a rapid-fire cannon, if there ever was such a thing. It hurts and makes her chest ache with the implications. She closes the thick, black-handled blade that used to belong to her mom and slips into the pocket on her jacket. It's her old jacket, the orange one. She loves the one that Dean bought her, but it seems wrong to wear it right now. She's added three soon-to-be scars to her arm. Well, maybe not too soon. Maddie doesn't like to let the wounds heal cleanly, so she picks at the scabs again and again until they finally heal and she can't anymore. It's been a long time since she's cut.  
  
Well, it feels like a long time, but she guesses to normal people it probably wouldn't. Not since March, or so. The biggest new skinless place on her arm is across the top of the left side of the wrist, exceeding onto the back of her hand. Another one, this one smaller, is near her elbow towards the right side of the front of her arm. The other is right under the one on her elbow area. The one on her wrist is stupid. It was a stupid place to put it honestly because someone is sure to notice it. Luckily the weather is cold so her wearing a jacket or her sweatshirt all the time would be normal.  
  
She cut a little hole in the sleeve of her jacket to slip her thumb through to make sure that it didn't end up slipping and accidentally showing it. She never bandages them or cleans them. The serrated blade on her skin is what gives her sanity sometimes and the constant pain helps to keep her from slipping away. Maddie has a habit of just shutting off from the outside world and retreating into her brain, thinking of everything. Someone can call her name two or three times and she won't even hear them. She did it a lot after her mom's death, she can't afford to do it now. Not after... Boo. It hurts to think of her, and she's again reminded of the night before, crying on top of Cas, with both Dean and him holding her. She hates being so ridiculously vulnerable like that. She could be stronger. Should be, honestly. But Boo was her sister, and the one person she actually gave a damn about, and who reciprocated, so Maddie gives herself a pass on that one. It's going to hurt like hell for years to come, and there's no way to get out of it. She's not suicidal. She likes her life. She likes being alive. But she has issues and they make it hard. Fuck. With a loud hiss, she presses her fingers into the wound on her arm and it distracts her.  
  
Rolling her eyes at her own idiocy he gets up off the bathroom floor and stands, making sure there isn't any blood on her sleeve or on the floor. Good. She oShe walks to her bedroom to grab her MP3 player and her headphones. She plugs them in and blasts the first song that comes on, completely drowning out the rest of the world and going on her way out to the kitchen. Haystak is good for blocking everything else out. She has it on so loud that she can't hear anything at all from outside her headphones. Her hairs down and falling around her face under her hood, but she doesn't care. Right now she wants coffee, and maybe to go punch the punching bag. Just something to do really. They haven't gotten anywhere with research at all, and they're all starting to go really crazy with it. There's just no way to research something that's never existed before. Maddie feels a weight resting on her shoulders for it. If she could have more visions she could find out more about them. She's tried a couple times to induce them, but it doesn't work. She doesn't know how to work this stupid gift. Realizing she's getting frustrated again and thinking too much she rubs her arm absentmindedly. She mentally notes that she's going to need to stop doing that as the blood dries or her jacket will stick to the abrasions.

  
*******That's technically what they are. Not cuts, or scratches, but abrasions. Technically the word means an abraded area where the skin is torn or worn off or erosion by friction. Which is exactly what's on her arm. She doesn't slice, she rubs. The blade slides across her skin, slowly taking off layer after layer of skin cells until it's raw and pink and the skin's starting to bunch up at the ends like when you're peeling from a bad sunburn. She keeps rubbing until she sees blood spots appear. Then she keeps doing it until the sensitivity is just too much and it breaks her out of the numbness she's achieved while hurting herself like that. That's why she usually does more than one at a time. She needs that headspace sometimes. That's one of the reasons she does it the way she does.********  
  


She bangs her head a little to Shinedown's Sound of Madness. She feels a little better now, but she wonders where everyone is. She thinks about texting everyone but realizes in the headspace she's in now that one of them would realize something was up and would work it out of her. She could probably text Sam and be okay though... She sighs a little and thinks. Nah. He's got enough problems of his own. She doesn't want to burden him. Hell, they've all got enough problems without dealing with her emotional bullshit. Training room it is then. Her thick socks slide a little on the tile floor as she walks. Her clothes are all super comfortable and you'd think it was pajama day in the dead of winter from the way she's dressed. She's got on her grey and black wolf PJ pants her aunt made for her and a blank peach-colored t-shirt. She's wearing her jacket and some thick blue socks. None of it goes together, but she doesn't care.  
  
She's all bundled up, it's something that happens when she falls into a depressive episode, and she knows that's her own subconscious desire for comfort. The soft layers make her feel safer, and the clothes are worn and familiar. They bring her a little comfort that she's craving, however conscious or unconscious. Since she's thinking about it like that, she'd say it's a safe bet that it's pretty conscious. She walks into the training room and flips on the lights. It's empty. As she expected it to be. She makes sure to shut the door and walks across the room. The punching bag is hanging there looking vaguely threatening for some reason. Like it's mocking her, which sounds ridiculous, but even she knows the reason she's down here is retarded. She just sighs and starts whaling on the bag.  
  
It hurts her knuckles but they're toughening up now. She works herself up into a rhythm. Every punch with her left hook sends a large wave of pain up her arm and she winces with every hit. Maddie vaguely realizes she's falling into the same headspace she does when she's cutting because of the repetitive pain. She keeps it up, circling the bag and keeping her feet moving, relishing the sting now. Cut the Cord is playing, and it urges her to go faster, arms flying and her muscles starting to burn in weary acceptance of her furious usage of them. She has no idea how long she's been at it now. Her mind rarely has any idea about the correct passage of time when she's like this. She doesn't even realize someone's entered the room until she sees a hand swing in front of her face. Instinctively, she throws her hands up and almost punches Gabriel in the face as a result. She manages to curb it, but only barely. He looks surprised and a little angry with her, understandably. He starts talking and she realizes she actually can't hear him at all because of how loud her music is playing. No wonder she didn't know he was here. She throws her left hand in her pocket and presses pause and pulls her earbuds from her ears.  
  
"Sorry, Gabe." She says breathlessly. His eyes narrow and he looks her up and down. Dread builds in her stomach and she thinks for a moment that he must know. Luckily, he doesn't seem to. "What's up, kiddo? Whatcha doing down here?"  
  
"Just practicing, I guess."  
  
"Right, right. Can't begrudge Tyson a little time in the ring, but listen, we're having a little hoedown upstairs. We're doing it 80's style with a little John Hughes. Sound swanky enough for you?" Maddie's mouth twitches into a small smile. She doesn't really feel like it but if she doesn't she'll worry them and she doesn't want that. "Sure. Sounds fun. Please tell me it's the Breakfast Club." Gabriel's eyes twinkle. "Yep. We're introducing Nugget to the wonders of the eighties."  
  
"That's a terrible nickname, Gabe. Even for you." She says as Gabe flips off the lights and follows her out into the hallway. They start walking for the living room and Gabe talks.  
  
"Well, he didn't like Casanova, though I thought it was great. It's a play on his name and everything. So I just decided to keep making them worse until he gives in. Next on my list McFluffkins." Maddie winces in sympathy.  
  
"That's honestly awful, but whatever floats your boat."  
  
She knows she seems subdued but she doesn't have the energy to pretend to be the way she usually is. She honestly doesn't even feel like speaking but she knows that would freak the guys out after her whole silent episode. It just happens sometimes. Sometimes it's so annoying and tiring to have to speak that she wishes she was mute just so she'd have an excuse not to say anything. It's just that when she's like this, she just wants to... efface herself. She just wants to be in her own little world and talk makes that hard. She mostly just hums to Gabriel's ramblings until they arrive at the living room. She remembers and throws her hood off just as they walk through the entryway.  
  
She's not even sure if Gabe notices because he goes right to Sam and plops down on his lap ("Gabe!"), snagging a bowl of popcorn off the table. Maddie finds it odd, but Dean and Cas are sitting on opposite sides of the couch, leaving the middle open for her. Okay... She gives everybody an awkward little wave and sits down hurriedly. Apparently, they were waiting for her. "Hey Maddie, come to join the powwow?" Dean asks with a grin. She manages a small smile and nods. His brow furrows and he asks, "You alright?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine. I love this movie. Cas, you're in for something awesome," She glances his way and he smiles. "I hope so."  
  
"Let's get it started then, shall we?" Gabriel drawls and everybody nods. Maddie leans back into the couch cushions as the familiar music starts to play. She really does love this movie. She watches it, her mind-numbing itself to the surrounding area, and she just focuses on the movie. As much as she can anyway. Her arm is starting to ache in the way that she's familiar with. The wounds ache and pulse with her heartbeat, which is kind of sickening, actually. She usually doesn't go as deep as she did today, and she's never worked herself into a frenzy with a punching bag afterward either. She wonders if they clotted over then got broken open again or something. She can't check right now, but it's fine. She can do it later. She spaces out for a while without even realizing it. John Bender's now teasing Claire about being pristine and Maddie realizes she's tired. Dean's on her right, and Cas on her left and it only seems natural to lean into Dean. He responds by slipping an arm around her without comment. The weight is nice, and he's really warm. She finds herself drifting off.  
  
  
~Dean~  
  
  
And there she goes. Maddie's falling asleep on him again, not that he really minds. After a while, she ends up sliding into his lap, basically laying sideways on the couch with her head resting on his left thigh. He runs his hand through her hair, stroking it away from her face almost absentmindedly. Gabriel looks over and smiles softly but he looks worried. They all are. Gabriel said something was up with her earlier, hence the eighties party for the uneducated swine. Maddie needed a little comfort, and she loves John Hughes movies. Cas surprises him by bending over and gently hauling Maddie's legs up onto his lap so she's not folded in half as she sleeps. She murmurs something but just snuggles into his jean-clad thigh. He doubts that's very comfortable. Gabriel gives him a nod and he nods in return. He grasps her left arm and gently pulls the sleeve off her thumb and up her arm. He winces when he sees the wounds she made. Fuck, they're deep, and the biggest one is still bleeding on the edges. They look aggravated and red.  
  
"Why would she do that?" Cas asks, his voice strained. "It's complicated to understand, Cassie. Humans are... complex. She's had more problems than most and that's one of the ways she deals with it."  
  
"It doesn't seem to be very effective." Cas murmurs, his gaze locked on the abrasions on her arm. Fuck, three of them.  
  
"What do we do?" Sam asked. "Gabe, you should heal her." Gabriel shook his head.  
  
"She wouldn't like that. She'd be pissed. We'd be fine to talk to her about it, but taking away her scars like that... No. She'd be pissed and just do it again, trust me."  
  
"Shit," Dean says under his breath and Maddie stirs. "Careful, Dean. She's an empath. You'll wake her like that." Cas said. "Yeah, yeah, sorry. So uh... How do we do this? I mean..."

  
"We talk to her. Respect her wishes and anticipate her needs. She's been through much in the last few weeks. Add the death of her sister on top of all the demonic problems, as well as struggling to handle her new gifts, and our relationship, Dean, it's very taxing for her. I'm surprised she's managed not to succumb for this long." Cas murmurs the last part while gently grasping her ankle as he speaks.  
  
"Succumb?" Sam asked, always the curious one. "Maddie suffers from bouts of depression. She has for many years." Sam nods like 'yeah, that makes sense.'  
  
"Oh." Dean breathes. And seriously? He's literally the only one in the room that didn't know? Nobody else looks surprised. Of course not. His thoughts stop in an instant when Gabriel sends him a sharp look. Crap, what are they gonna do?

  
~Maddie~

  
She wakes up to gentle swaying. Dean's carrying her. He smells good. Her right hand comes up and her fingers curl around his shirt collar.  
  
He whispers, "You awake?"  
  
She makes an affirmative sound. She doesn't want to talk. She hears the gentle creaking of the door and realizes Dean is bringing her into their bedroom. She's laid onto the bed and she curls herself into a little ball, missing the warmth of Dean's body already. She wants Dean back but she doesn't want to bother him. He's already carried her in here which is just stupid because she's not a kid. She shouldn't have fallen asleep in there. Those thoughts (thankfully) stop as she feels Dean climb in bed behind her and pulls the blanket over them both. His left arm wraps around her middle and his right slips underneath her head. She's kind of lying at an angle, part of her on Dean, and the rest of her on the bed, but she doesn't care. Dean is warm and feels like home.  
  
She should've told him, she realizes. Stop being such a damn coward! Her mind screams at her. She just sighs and she vaguely realizes that her jacket's off but it doesn't matter right now. Something isn't right though. Her control on her girt has slipped a bit and she's feeling something... Worry. Dean's worried about her? Not wanting to speak, she just snuggles into him and closes her eyes. She lets her gift reach into him and she makes sure that he can feel what he makes Maddie feel. Peace. Comfort. Loved. There are other things she's feeling, but she tries to keep that out of what she's projecting to Dean. It seems to work because he sighs softly against her hair. It's a little while after that that she falls asleep.

  
~Castiel~

  
He slips into bed beside Maddie and Dean as carefully as he can. He doesn't want to disturb them. They're sleeping so peacefully. Maddie's back is to Dean and he has his arm wrapped around her securely. Castiel lays down on his side carefully and studies them. They look so wonderfully at peace. The last couple weeks have been awful for everyone. Most of the time everyone's either frustrated or worried, and it shows. The crinkles Dean gets beside his eyes are clear when he's sleeping and not scowling at things. The creases in between Maddie's eyebrows are gone and she looks serene instead of sad, confused, or anxious. Castiel stays on his side and settles onto the pillow. He wishes fiercely that he could look at their souls, but he can't do that anymore. He tries not to be bitter about that. He loves his life as much as he can. It'd be better if they weren't being forced to remain in the bunker if they didn't have a constant threat of demonic things pressing over them if they weren't all terrified and worried about the future. But he tries to be as happy as he can be.  
  
Maddie says that finding happiness in the smallest of moments is a skill as well as a gift and that he should utilize it. So he tries.  
  
He's consistently listing things in his mind that make him happy. Like when he walks into the kitchen and sees Maddie smiling softly as she takes a sip of coffee. Or the way Dean's face looks when he takes a bite of pie. It's like he's in rapture, and it's beautiful. Little moments make him happy. The smell of old books, pulling the chipped mug he made Dean break out of the cabinet when they all have dinner together at the table.  
  
It makes him happy when he sees Sam smile at Gabriel from across the room when Gabriel's not looking, or when he sees Gabriel do the same. Or when Castiel's doing something and he looks up to find Dean looking at him with a soft smile on his worn lips. He likes the small smiles he gets from Maddie when she sees him reading one of her books, or drawing. He's started his own collection of drawing now. She gave him a sketchpad and some pencils. He's not as good as her, but he likes doing it. He really likes still life. Capturing something just as it looks. It's like a moment in time captured in graphite and paper. It makes him happy too. He thinks that those little things keep him sane the majority of the time. He understands what Maddie means.

  
Those small moments help him. They're all so worried about what's going on and they've searched the archives. They can't find anything about what magic Jegudiel used to trap Gabriel and the brothers and that bothers all of them. With the threat that the entirety of Hell is after Maddie hanging over them imminently those little moments of happiness and contentment keep him from worrying himself to death. He leans forward slightly and presses a kiss to Maddie's forehead. Her nose crinkles in her sleep and her lips curve into a small smile. It makes him smile, and he settles into his pillow and closes his eyes. Sleep finds him easily, and he's glad about that.  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all wanna know something kinda interesting? This fic started as a comfort fic for myself, and it was actually Sam/Reader. Then I decided I can't write Reader fics, so I changed it to an OFC. Then I was like, I can't write Sam Winchester, so I made it a Dean/OFC. Then I was like, but come on, ya gotta have Destiel. And PFDS was born. Holy crap, right? Lol. I can't believe we're at the 38TH chapter, guys! Jeez! I wouldn't be here without y'all. Thank you so much for reading!!


	39. The First Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for F/M/M threesome first-time sex..... You don't even wanna know how many times I rewrote this scene. It's not PWP (there'll be some of that in the future) because this is about feelings even though it's supposed to be really hot sex. I hope I got the mixture right. I'm satisfied with how it turned out. It kinda gives me the warm fuzzies, actually. :) Hope you like.
> 
> Oh, should also note that since there's anal fingering in this, that there has been some off-screen Destiel smut exploration going on. This is not the first time for Cas and Dean doing that. Also, don't be a fool, wrap your tool. Safe sex is a wise option, y'all, but for the purposes of my fic, condoms were not included. ;)

  
~Dean~  
~October 10th~

  
Dean wakes up and has to _restrain_ himself from laughing. In movies you always see the couple waking up to the sun shining warmly through their white-curtained windows and birds chirping outside with their lover curled around them and smiling in their sleep. _Nope._ Not for the Winchesters. He gets his own happy version. It's dark, obviously, because the bunker's underground.

  
Dean's lying on his back and Maddie's left leg is hiked up in a bent position between his legs with her knee resting around his belly button area, and the rest of her is sprawled across him with her face buried in the pillow to the left of his face. Her left hand seems to be curved around his side and against the mattress. Cas is laying on his left side with his right leg thrown across Dean and Maddie's legs and his arm is laying across them. His hand actually looks like it may be resting on her ass, Dean sees as he lifts his head a little bit. Cas's face is mashed against Dean's right shoulder and his mouth is open and he's drooling a little bit and Dean can't help but start laughing then. It's silent, but his body's shaking and it wakes Maddie up. It's just so damn funny.

  
They're like magnets for him when they're asleep and it's hilarious. His bed isn't exactly gigantic so fitting two six-foot-tall, two-hundred-pound guys in it, plus another person, isn't exactly the easiest thing. He usually wakes up with at least one of them laying across him, or them laying on top of each other. It's hilarious. Maddie raises her head and blinks sleepily at him before smiling and leaning down to kiss his lips softly. It's a perfectly acceptable silent 'good morning'.  
  
  
She lays her head back down on his shoulder and her right hand comes up to play with his hair. She knows he likes that a lot. Her fingernails scrape across his scalp and he has to repress the shiver of delight running along his spine. She seems to notice though because he feels a puff of breath against his shirt, and her left leg starts moving slightly. Just a slow back-and-forth, back-and-forth. Not a big deal except she's rubbing a particularly sensitive part of his anatomy through his boxers. As if morning wood weren't bad enough, she's encouraging it now.

  
" _Maddie_ ," He hisses. She looks up at him and mischief is dancing in her eyes. She smiles and leans over to kiss him again. It's slow, but it's not chaste. Her tongue slides against his sensually and she licks at the roof of his mouth in a calculated move to make him squirm. His eyes slip closed on their own accord. She pulls back slightly and whispers, "Trust me," against his lips. Maddie's leg moves away from him and her left-hand travels down his chest and slides over his boxers to rub against his cock through the thin fabric. His hips jump up into the touch and the jolt of the bed wakes Cas up. Dean looks over at him with wide eyes. Cas looks confused and sleepy and really cute with his bedhead and soft smile. His face sobers when he sees what Maddie's doing though.

  
"Should I leave?" He rumbles, and fuck, Cas's voice is deep in the morning and that does things to Dean. Chills skate down his spine deliciously.

  
"No, of course not," Maddie's still whispering for some reason, "You could help me if you want." She sounds unsure like she's not sure if Cas would want that or not. Cas's grin says otherwise though.

  
"Beautiful idea," He murmurs. "Is that okay, Dean?" He looks up at him all innocently worried and stuff as if Dean would ever frikken say 'no' to this.

  
"Stay."

  
The word comes out more like a grunt, but whatever. Maddie's hand works magic on his cock and he rocks against her hand as best he can with both their bodies pinning him to the bed. Cas leans up and kisses him, throwing the blanket off them all in the process. His lips are deliciously hot, and his stubble scrapes against Dean's face in ways that send little shivers of delight through his brain. As he's kissing him, Cas's hand slides up under his shirt to start teasing his nipple. He scrapes his fingernail across it first to make it harden and pebble under his touch, then he tweaks it between his fingers, pinching sharply because he knows Dean likes the little tingle of pain. Maddie starts working her mouth over his ear and she bites gently at the lobe and he gasps. Her teeth scrape down the side of his neck and then she's sucking what's sure to be a dark mark on the sensitive space where his shoulder and neck meet. He's trying not make any noise right now because what he really wants to do is whine from all the stimulation. This is so damned perfect. Cas rocks a rather impressive erection against Dean's hip in forceful little circles until he pulls away from his gradual assault on Dean's mouth with a groan at the friction.

  
Cas seems to catch on to what Maddie's doing because he moves to copy her. Now Dean has a stubbled face rubbing against his throat and a rough tongue dragging along his jaw. Dean's helplessly turned on now and he's really not sure how all this started but he really doesn't care right now. Maddie's hand leaves his cock and he does whine now because that felt fucking great. His eyes widen when she reaches up to slather spit over her palm with her tongue then her hand is reaching underneath his boxers to wrap around his cock with a now slick grip. He groans and thrusts up into her hand as Cas starts sucking a hickie right under his ear.

  
"Fuck," He groans. "So good. You two will be the death of me."

  
Maddie laughs slightly and accompanies her words with a rather sadistic twist of her hand across the head of his cock. "Yeah, maybe. But what a way to go, am I right?" Dean whimpers at the feeling and Cas chuckles before he starts sucking a mark on Dean's collarbone. "Have you thought about this? All of us together?" Maddie asks.  
  
  
"Duh. I've dreamt about it for Chrissake." Cas pulls his mouth away from Dean's skin, leaving him disappointed. He likes being marked by Cas. "Don't blaspheme, Dean. Maddie, I think he needs fewer clothes," They both look up at each other and Dean's starting to wonder if they didn't plan this. Maddie nods and Dean grumbles under his breath as her hand disappears from his dick.

  
Maddie pushes herself up off him and sits back on her heels and Cas copies the motion by sitting up too, his knees knocking against Dean's leg. Dean sits up and pulls off his shirt then looks pointedly at both of them. "I'm not being naked all by myself."

  
Maddie climbs off the bed and Dean's surprised by how calm she is compared to how shy she was when they showered together. Cas starts unbuttoning his cute little duck pajama top and Maddie pulls her t-shirt off over her head. Dean's eyes flick back and forth between them, eating up the expanses of skin happily. A part of him can't believe they're actually doing this and another part is jumping for joy because hot damn this is awesome. Dean watches as Cas's eyes rake over Maddie's bare breasts hungrily and she blushes but holds her head high, just like last time. The wounds on her arm are scabbed over, he notices, but he doesn't pay much attention to them, just makes a mental note that he needs to watch out for her left arm so he doesn't hurt her. Maddie leans over and flicks the lamp on, bathing the room in warm yellow light.

  
It casts a golden glow to her smooth alabaster skin and Dean wonders when the hell he started waxing poetic. Cas gets off the bed and pulls off his pants. He's down to his boxers now and Maddie's standing there in pajama pants. She looks back and forth between them then shucks off her pants, stepping out of them lightly. God, he's lucky. These two are gorgeous, and now his fantasy from the other day is coming true. Cas is staring at her like he just saw the sun for the first time, and her necklace winks in the light prettily. It's now the only thing she's wearing.

  
Cas sighs lightly as his eyes take her in. "You're beautiful, Maddie," Cas says then looks over at him, "Both of you are. Dean. Boxers."  
  
  
Dean chuckles and lays back on the bed and raises her hips to shuck out of his boxers. He tosses them to the floor and reclines against the pillows, his cock arching up towards his stomach and begging to be touched so he strokes his dick lazily, looking back and forth between them with a cocksure grin. Cas actually licks his frikkin lips looking at him and that sends a spiral of warm pleasure through him. Maddie crawls back up on the bed, her bright grey eyes watching him steadily and her curls swinging over her shoulder as she sits back on her heels again and looks over at Cas.

  
"I'm very lucky to have you two," Cas says as he climbs back up on the bed and copies Maddie's position. The way Dean's spread out in front of them he feels like he's laying on a buffet table or something.

  
"We're lucky too. Trust me," Maddie says quietly, "You guys are amazing."

  
"We're all lucky. Now, how're we playing this? Cause right now I feel like I'm on display or something." They both chuckle and Cas looks over at Maddie. "I'm letting her decide this. I don't want to do anything you don't want or aren't comfortable with." In response, Maddie surprises Dean. She throws her left leg over his and straddles his legs, sitting her ass back on his upper thighs. She bats his hand away from his cock and takes his dick in her right hand and starts stroking. Dean groans at the friction because fucking finally!

  
  
~Maddie~

  
  
She likes the way Dean groans when she gets her hand on him. He closes his eyes and arches his back, pushing his head into the pillows and trying to raise his hips up into her grip. Cas is staring at her intently and he smiles. He's damned adorable. Maddie raises her left hand to him, palm out and says softly, "Guide me. Show me what you like."

  
She wants this to be intimate and Cas indulges her. He smiles softly and lays his palm on the back of her hand. She's a little surprised by how much bigger his hands are than hers. He gently pulls her hand towards him and her bare palm hits his chest and he inhales sharply. He guides her hand downwards, going across his muscled abdomen and down into the brown curls at the base of his cock. His erection is thick and uncut, flushed red towards the tip where precome is beading and shining slickly with the light. Cas has her wrap her hand around his length and he groans. Dean's moaned words start right on the tail end of it.

  
"Maddie, so damned good. _Jesus_."

  
" _Dean_ ," Cas says warningly. Dean sighs and looks up at him apologetically.

  
"Yeah. Yeah, sorry. Blasphemy and all that."

  
Maddie chuckles and finds herself interested in the fact that they can laugh while they're doing this. It's pretty awesome. Maddie closes her fists around both of them more tightly and starts pumping them in tandem. She looks back and forth between them with a grin. She likes having both of them at her mercy like this. Dean is watching them hungrily with hooded eyes and abortively thrusting his hips up into the fold of her fist, panting. Cas is biting his bottom lip with closed eyes and Maddie delights in being able to make them look like this. Cas's hand is warm and rough against hers and she likes the feel of it. Dean reaches up and pinches her nipple and she yelps and glares down at him. He's grinning like a fool. She stops glaring though when he starts rolling the hardened nub between his thumb and forefinger, pulling gently. She moans lightly and closes her eyes, throwing her head back, just feeling. Then she gets an idea.

 

"Cas," Maddie opens her eyes and looks up at him. His normally bright blue eyes are open and darker than normal and he looks intense. Shit, he's got the dom brow going on. She's always had a weakness for that.

  
"You told Meg once that you know how to make a girl's nethers quiver..." She doesn't need to say more. He smiles softly, belying his intense eyes, and runs his hand down her (now) toned stomach. It's a bit of an awkward angle, but he manages. She gasps when his fingers slide against her wet clit. The way she's sitting on Dean's thighs leaves her spread open and vulnerable for his searching fingers.

  
"Tell me if it's not okay." He says quietly and she nods frantically. She feels his middle finger slide along her slit until he finds what he's looking for. Without preamble, he slides a finger inside and she moans and clenches hungrily around him. He hisses.

  
"She's so _tight_ , Dean. Have you felt this?" Maddie opens her eyes to see Dean shaking his head and looking predatory. His eyes are hooded and his mouth quirks up in a smirk.

  
"No, but I'm going to." His left hand leaves her breast bereft and skates down her abdomen. He pulls her hand away from his dick and she grabs onto his hip as his finger slide along her leg and then one enters alongside Cas's. They're both fingering her now and she gasping, trying to rock down on them. The angle's wrong as hell and she can't get what she wants, but at the same time, it feels too good to stop. Dean leaves his dick abandoned and slides his arm more fully underneath her and with the new angle, he's able to reach further inside her. Cas strokes her frontal wall and she moans. It feels _so damn good_. Her control on her gift is _slipping_ and she can feel things from both of them. Lust and passion and love and wonder. It's amazing.

  
"You're so wet, baby girl." That's the first time he's called her that and she likes it. Maddie tighten's her grasp on Cas's dick and starts stroking him faster even as she tries to force her body down further onto their fingers. Cas groans at the feeling and she enjoys the sound. It feels like it's too hot in here. Oh, fuck. She moans and tries to rock her hips down onto their fingers but she can't because of Dean's legs. She needs something more.

  
"Guys," She pants, "Stop." The both pull out immediately and she misses it instantly.

  
"What's wrong?" Cas asks urgently. Maddie shakes her head and tries to gather her thoughts.

  
"Nothing. Dean, you remember when you told me you're up for anything you just don't want to push? That still true?" Her voice is breathy but she doesn't care. Dean nods, "Yeah..." He's obviously confused and so is Cas. Maddie nods.

  
"Okay. You're not pushing. I'm ready."

  
Maddie lets go of Cas reluctantly and shuffles up the bed before raising herself up off Dean's legs and grabbing the base of his cock and lining it up with her pussy. His eyes widen and he starts to say, "Maddi-", but she interrupts him with a long wet drag as she slides all the way down on him until he ass is sitting on his thighs. They both groan loudly when he bottoms out. Fuck. Dean's big and she's never felt this full. This is her first time so she's hoping she does this at least partially right. When she gets used to the feeling of him inside her she clenches her muscles down on him experimentally. Dean moans and thrusts his pelvis up towards her, grinding against her most sensitive area and she moans.

  
"Oh fuck, Maddie. So damn perfect, sweetheart."

  
Cas's right hand finds its way to her lower back and he guides her with a slight push, and she starts raising her hips up and down, sliding over Dean's thick length slowly. She loves the drag of it, and how her muscles clamp down instinctively, trying to keep him inside. She's so wet that she can feel her juices dripping down her thighs as she fucks herself on Dean's cock. Cas raises up on his knees and her eyes widen as she takes him in. He's hulking over her a little bit. He leans forward and his teeth nip at her bottom lip lightly and she whimpers. His eyes are dark and intense but his voice is soft and praising.

  
"That's our brave girl."

  
She wonders how he knew she needed that.

  
"Damn, Maddie, yeah. Just like that, sweetheart," Dean groans.

  
Cas leans in and kisses her. His ferocity is surprising but she loves it and responds just as enthusiastically, their tongues battling for dominance and their lips clashing wildly. For two newbies, it's fucking great. Maddie uses her left hand to start searching for Cas's cock so she can give him some relief and apparently she and Dean had the same idea at the same time because his fingers brush hers. Out of the corner of her eye she sees Dean's wicked grin and they slot their fingers together and wrap around him together and start pumping, hands hot and slick from precome (and Dean's spit, she's guessing.)  
  
  
Cas pulls away from her mouth with a groan and starts fucking into their fists. Maddie yelps when Dean's left hand comes up and grips the back of her neck, pulling her down onto him. She puts her right hand on the mattress and uses that to steady her. She feels Dean move his legs and then she nearly _screams_ when he starts thrusting up into her furiously.

  
  
~Castiel~

  
  
They're so beautiful. Maddie's long curls are brushing his fingers as he guides her to raise her hips up off of Dean's body and then back down, making him bottom out inside her. He knows this is her first time. She's being so brave. Castiel rises up from where he was sitting on his heels until he's on his knees beside them. He catches Maddie's wide grey eyes and leans forward to nibble on her lip and the needly little whimper she makes has his cock twitching.

  
He whispers, "That's our brave girl." Dean follows him with a groan, "Damn, Maddie, yeah. Just like that, sweetheart."

  
Castiel crashes his lips against hers. It's all furious need, and pride, and love, and arousal, and it's the perfect sliding of hot tongues and mingled breath. He feels two different hands wrapping around his erection and he can't help but pull away and groan. He's slick with pre-come that's been dripping and their palms slide easily as their fingers wrap together around him. It feels so good. His hips thrust into the tunnel their tight fists create instinctively. He watches with interest as Dean pulls Maddie down on top of him.

  
It takes him a moment to understand why but then Dean spreads his legs and braces his feet against the bed and starts driving into Maddie forcefully. She mewls and Castiel absolutely delights in the sound. His two humans are so beautiful. They're both gleaming in the light, and the slick sounds their bodies make as they slide against each other has his brain working on autopilot as he tries to take it all in.

  
Castiel presses his hand down against Maddie's lower back, not enough to hurt her but enough to keep her in place. She can't escape Dean's powerful thrusts and it makes it that much better to watch. For the first time since they started Castiel finds himself a little envious of Dean. He wishes he could be inside her, but he reminds himself that there's always next time. The delicious thought has his blood singing and pleasure building at the base of his spine. He's much more in control of his body now than he was a few weeks ago, thankfully. Thinking about being inside, Castiel gets an idea and he has to try it. He uses his flexibility to his advantage and bends backward until his shoulders are touching the mattress. He reaches blindly into the nightstand for the bottle of lubricant he knows Dean keeps there. He finds himself mentally cursing as their hands continue sliding along his erection. It feels amazing from this angle because he can't move his hips and has to just take it. Trying to gather his wits, he searches for the box of gloves too. When he finds it he pulls one out and leans back up with a sigh. He's tempted to stay leaned back like that because it feels so good but he wants to try this. He's curious what Dean will do and how he'll react. He bites his lip and pushes their hands off his cock. It feels fantastic, but he needs to be able to focus on this and with their slick palms sliding along him, he can't. He can find his pleasure later.

  
"Cas, what're you - fuck, Maddie, yes! - doing?" Dean gasps. Castiel smirks and shuffles forward on the bed a bit. "Something you'll like," He replies cryptically. He dons the glove on his right hand for cleanliness' sake and spreads lube onto his fingers, making them nice and slick.

  
"You're doing so well," He murmurs into Maddie's ear as his hand finds its way between Dean's spread legs. His finger finds Dean's puckered hole and he loves the loud gasp he gets from it.

 

~Dean~

  
  
Fuck, this is amazing. Maddie's taking him so damn well and she's tight as hell and he realizes vaguely that he rhymed. He plunges his cock deep inside her, enjoying the strangled cries he gets to fall from her lips.

  
"Cas, what're you-" Maddie clenches down on him and he yells, "Fuck, Maddie, yes!" before continuing his sentence when he can remember what it was. "Doing?" Cas looks all serious and intense and dominant like he does sometimes.

  
"Something you'll like." Definitely dominant. He gasps when he feels Cas's finger running over his hole and he knows what he's in for. He's pounding into Maddie and she's just so damned beautiful taking him like this. Her mouth is slack and open without a care in the world, pink tongue visible with her head thrown back and her eyes closed, just holding on for the ride. Maddie's planted her hands against his chest and is matching him thrust for thrust, pushing back against him and driving him deeper and harder inside her slick little pussy. God, she's soaking wet and perfect. Cas's finger breaches him and, " _Fuck!_ ", that feels so damn good.

  
The room's filled with the slick sounds of sex and harsh pants and needy moans. Cas thrusts in and out of him shallowly a few times before sliding all the way in. He crooks his finger in just that way and glances over his prostate each time Dean raises his hips to fuck into Maddie's tight, dripping heat. He's essentially fucking himself as he fucks her and it's awesome. It beats every fantasy he's had about them all together. He wants it to last. Dean slows his pace dramatically, rolling his hips incrementally up and back down, grinding the tip of his cock against her inner walls with a slight change in angle. Maddie groans loudly and clamps down around him rhythmically. She's so damned tight. He loves this. He loves being inside her and watching her lose herself to mindless pleasure.

  
His hands move up to cup her breasts and fondle them gently before teasing both her nipples between his fingers. Her hands go from his chest to grab his wrists. She doesn't pull them away, just grabs. This feels so goddamn good. His whole body feels like he's stepped on a live-wire. His muscles are taut with pent-up energy and damn near vibrating with tension. His skin feels too hot and he and Maddie both are slick with sweat.

  
Cas thrusts another finger inside of him and starts pumping them in and out harshly, dragging along his prostate as he does. That makes his hips jump up, simultaneously trying to increase the contact and run away from it.

  
"Fuck, Cas, yes!" That's when Maddie starts begging and Dean damn near loses it. She hasn't said a word since all this started and now she's babbling the most beautifully broken things. "Dean," she whines, "Please. It feels so - oh! - good. Wanna cum... wanna cum so bad - fuck! - please! Cas!"

  
She breaks off as Cas locks lips with her and Dean watches in wonder until Cas's fingers start thrusting into him furiously and he gets the message. Speed up. He starts fucking up into Maddie with wild abandon that has her thrumming walls clenching down on him deliciously. He feels an iron grasp lock around his left wrist and drags it to Maddie's center and he takes the hint and starts rubbing his thumb against Maddie's clit furiously. The hardened little nub is standing at attention and soaked with her slick. She breaks away from Cas's lips with a keening whine (Please, yes!) and starts slamming herself down on his cock, meeting him thrust for thrust. He feels his orgasm pooling low and building fast with all the stimulation. Fuck, he's gonna cum soon.

 

~Castiel~  


  
He knows Dean's getting close. He can tell from the way he's biting his lip and has his eyebrows furrowed in apparent concentration. Castiel pushes his thumb against Dean's perineum and thrusts his fingers inside him as hard as he dares. He doesn't want to hurt Dean. Dean groans loudly and Castiel's surprised when he feels a hand wrap around his dripping cock but he doesn't pull it away this time.  
  
  
"Come! With! Us! Cas!" Dean grunts out as he punctuates each word with a thrust into a Maddie and a pull on Castiel's erection. Based on the heat building in his belly that won't be a problem. He feels like he's full of magma but the sensations are easier to handle than when he was first human. Maddie's cool fingers curl around his sweaty neck and pull him close. He thinks it's for a kiss but she rests her forehead against his and they pant against each other's mouths.

  
"Cas. Cas! Come with us. Please! Please, need you too. Need you both so much," She gasps the words out and Castiel feels his control slipping just as Dean pants, "Gonna come, gonna come! Fuck!"

  
The rhythm of his hips start sputtering and Castiel lowers his head to the crook of Maddie's neck as he feels his own orgasm start. "Come, Maddie!" Castiel orders as his left-hand tweaks her nipple harshly and he bites down on her shoulder. Dean's grip tightens on Castiel's cock as he tenses and moans his release loudly. Maddie shudders violently and nearly shrieks as she shatters in their grips and Castiel feels himself get hurled over the razor edge and spurts hot come onto Dean's stomach and Maddie's leg. They all ride out their orgasms until they physically can't anymore and Maddie collapses onto Dean, breathing heavily. Castiel pulls his fingers gently out of Dean, mindful not to hurt him, and rids himself of the glove by throwing it on the floor, not caring about the mess. He notices Dean cautiously pulling out of Maddie and Castiel falls into the bed on his side and pulls Maddie gently down onto the mattress, cuddling her close to him, wrapping his right arm around her middle. Dean scoots in close and throws his arm around them both. The only sound in the room is their mingled panting and Castiel can hear his own heart beating loudly within himself. After a few minutes, Dean murmurs, "You okay, sweetheart?"

  
"Yeah," Maddie breathes. Castiel nuzzles his face into the nape of her neck where little curls are damp with sweat. Being human now, he has a much better grasp on comfort and awkwardness.

  
"Are you sure?" Castiel asks. Maddie chuckles tiredly.

  
"I'm in the middle of a naked sandwich between two gorgeous guys who I just happen to be madly in love with after a sweaty bout of amazing sex. How much more okay can you get?" Castiel laughs softly. "There's our girl," He says. Dean pipes up with, "Be more okay if there was pie." They all burst out laughing.  
  
  
  



	40. What the Fuck was That!?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe, I like plot twists. :D

  
~Maddie~

 

She feels amazing. She knows she'll probably pay for it later because she'll be coming down from all the endorphins but it's totally worth it. After canoodling in bed all morning and taking a nap after having some awesome sex she's thankful for the bunker's water heater. The scalding hot water is soothing and it relaxes her tense muscles as she scrubs the dried sweat and other bodily fluids from her skin. She has a few bruises on her hips that she doesn't remember getting, but it's okay. It occurred to her earlier that they didn't use a condom because she jumped the gun. She's not sure whether or not to worry about that. She shakes her head and tries to clear it of worry. Whatever happens, happens.

  
She feels good and she likes that the bruises are there, though the ones on her right hip look a little weird with her tattoo. After she's dried and dressed in some black leggings and a long blue t-shirt that used to belong to her mom she starts brushing her teeth. She's rinsing her mouth when it happens. She feels something clench inside her, then burst and she falls to her knees, clutching her abdomen and gasping. Her necklace glows bright damn blue and she feels the familiar tingle of grace inside her, spreading right under her navel. She's swamped with feelings that she can only barely identify for several minutes. There are imprints of pleasure, and happiness and completion, but there's an undercurrent to it that she can't figure out. She rides it out with her forehead pressing into the cool tile of the bathroom wall. When it's finally over she sits back on her heels with her hand on her stomach. She's a little scared to move.

  
_What the fuck was that?!_ When she catches her breath she starts thinking furiously. She thinks about it for a minute before everything clicks. Oh my God, she thinks to herself. She forces herself shakily to her feet and her face is white with fury in the mirror.

  
_Gabriel, you get your meddling archangel ass in here now!_

  
She mentally shrieks at him and she sees in the mirror he pops up behind her with a pleased smirk. That falls off his face the second she turns around and _glares_ at him.

  
"How could you?" She questions him furiously. He seems surprised by her reaction.

  
"You know, I thought you'd be happier about this." She smacks his shoulder a little more harshly than she intended but it doesn't matter. He's a damned archangel. She could hit him with a cement truck and it wouldn't hurt him.

  
"It's not me that's the problem! It's them! They didn't know! I didn't know! You knew what would happen but they didn't!" She rages. She can't believe this. _Fuck!_

  
"You're not happy about it?"

  
"I don't know yet! I've wanted this forever, but they haven't. They didn't fucking know! They didn't get a choice in the matter. That's important, damn you, quit smirking!" He finally sobers up and becomes serious. "Look, I'm sorry. I wasn't allowed to tell you. I assume you know what happened?" Maddie forces herself to take a calming breath before she really freaks the fuck out.

  
"Yeah, I got the gist of it but why don't you run me through it just so I'm positive?"

  
Gabriel nods curtly and she realizes she probably hurt him with what she said a minute ago.

  
"The feather that I turned into the necklace, it contained a sliver of Cas's grace. It was spelled with the specific intention of conception. When you slept with Dean, even if Cas wasn't there, it would be the equivalent of him being the one doing the-" Gabe mashes his hands together and she rolls her eyes. Yeah, she gets that part.

  
"So, I'm right? It's both of theirs, isn't it?" She asks quietly. Gabriel nods and Maddie leans back against the walls, covering her face with her eyes.

  
"Dammit, Gabe, why couldn't you just tell me? I don't want to do this to them." Gabriel pulls her hands down away from her eyes. "Do what to them? Give them a miracle baby? That they both happen to want, thank you very much."

  
"You don't get it. With everything that's going on you really think they want to worry about that? It'd be stressful enough without everything demonic gunning for my blood and us being trapped in house arrest. And whoever said that Cas wanted a freaking baby? It shouldn't even be possible. This is going to blindside them. Fuck, Gabe." Maddie sinks to the floor and clasps her hands over her head. Gabriel squats down in front of her, and his honeyed eyes are soft but angry.

  
"You're taking this all wrong. It's a gift, Maddie. A very powerful gift, and it's not from me. Came from the Big Man himself, and you ought to respect that." Shivers break out over her spine as he says that. "This is a blessing. And I know you've always wanted this. Don't you remember what you've always believed?" Maddie notches her chin up in question.

  
"Everything happens for a reason." Maddie breaks at that and lays her forehead against her knees.

  
"Regardless of what I believe, it's not me that's important. They didn't even know it was possible, Gabe. How the hell do you think they're going to feel about that? Actually, you know what, don't answer that." She looks up at him and the way he reacts to her ice-cold stare is a little empowering. He kind of flinches away from it. " _You don't breathe a word of this_. Not to Sam, and especially not to either of them." His jaw clenches and he stands up, glowering down at her.

  
"Is that an order?"

  
Maddie pushes herself up off the floor and glares right back at him.

  
"You're damn straight it is. My body, my baby, my decision. You've already made yours. I get to decide when they find out." They glare at each other for several long moments in which Maddie contemplates whether or not she'll be smited but eventually, Gabriel blinks and backs down in mock surrender.

  
"Fine. Your way. I'll give it to you kid, you've got balls. I won't tell them anything." And with that he just disappears, leaving her alone in the bathroom with her thoughts swirling around her brain like a typhoon. Fuck! She sinks back to the floor and sits cross-legged, trying to figure out what the hell she's feeling. Pregnant. She's pregnant with Dean and Cas's baby. Holy shitake mushrooms, she's so completely and breathtakingly fucked.

 

~Dean~

 

After his joke about pie they all end up falling asleep for another couple of hours and they wake up uncomfortably. Dean and Maddie are covered in cum and sweat, and it's all dried and disgusting. He gives Maddie first dibs on the shower but ends up dragging her back into to bed to cuddle some more (Jesus, Dean! I love you too, you know. No need to maul me.) before she actually does get up and leave for the bathroom. Dean stares up at the ceiling while Cas idly plays with his hair as he's lying next to him. "You know... I wasn't really expecting that when I woke up this morning."

  
Cas hums. "Me either. But it was a nice wake-up call, I think."

  
Dean nods, "Yeah, definitely. Fuck, she was perfect. You were perfect." Dean leans over and kisses him soundly on the mouth. "We were perfect," Cas murmurs.

  
After a while, they eventually do have to leave the room to go get cleaned up, and now Dean has laundry to do too since his bedsheets have... stuff on them. After his shower he finds Maddie in the kitchen leaned up against the sink and staring at the wall, looking for all the world like she's lost in thought. He slides up behind her and plants a kiss on her a neck as he wraps his arms around her. He'll admit, he's a little worried she's freaking out about this morning.

  
"You okay, sweetheart?" He murmurs. She sighs lightly.

  
"Yeah, Dean. I think so." She turns and plants a light kiss on his lips before resting her forehead against his shoulder.

  
"I'm sorry if I was too... forward this morning or something. I know I kind of conned you into it. I hope it's okay." She whispers. Dean chuckles and hugs her tightly.  
  


"Only you would worry about that, Maddie. You didn't con me into anything, it's fine. Do you honestly think I would've done all that if it wasn't fine?" Maddie shakes her head. "No. But we didn't really talk about anything. I'm sorry if it was too far." Dean shakes his head.

  
"It's alright. You didn't. We didn't, did we?" Dean's worried now. She assures him quickly. "No. No, of course not. You think I would've done all that if it wasn't fine?" She throws his words back at him and he smirks.

  
"Guess not. You okay?" He pushes at her shoulders so he can look at her face when she answers. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm good. You know what you should do?" Dean laughs.

  
"What's that?"

  
"You should make me food." He rolls his eyes but laughs and kisses her again. "Alright, needy. I'll make some breakfast."

  
~Castiel~

  
He scrubs himself clean in the shower and feels much better when he emerges, though he's hungry. This morning was _fantastic._ His Father truly blessed him with his two humans. They're wonderful. He makes his way to the kitchen where the smell of sausage and something sweet is tinging the air. He finds everyone gathered at the table with Dean cooking at the stove. It's a wonderful scene.

  
~Maddie~

  
She can't get the words out of her head.

  
Fortune favors the brave, love. The die is cast anew. Except it's not 'brave, love.' It's 'brave love.' And that makes all the difference, really. And what had Cas called her earlier? 'Brave girl.' Jeez...  
  
  
The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Boo's gone, but she's going to have a baby. Cas and Dean's baby by some sort of miracle. The baby will be part angel. A third angel, actually. If Maddie's not killed by demons, of course, and she really doesn't need to think about that right now. Fuck. She wishes Gabriel would've just told her. He staring at her from across the table while Sam and Dean banter back and forth like they do. She rolls her eyes and gives him a pointed look. He shakes his head minutely and there's a hint of a smile at his lips but he looks away and starts throwing in with Dean and Sam's conversation. Maddie's mind is kind of numb but also racing at a thousand miles per hour. She's pregnant. God damn, she's pregnant at eighteen years old. That's not exactly how she expected it to happen. She can't quite wrap her head around it. It doesn't seem real at all. Her mind snipes at her, _Of course, it doesn't, idiot, you only just had sex this morning. It'll take a while to set in, don't ya think?_   She feels a foreign burst of happiness run through her and looks up. Cas is standing in the doorway smiling at them all. She gives him a little wave and he comes and sits down next to her. Dean and Sam are still snarking at each other but she tunes it out.

  
"Hello, Maddie," Cas says softly and rubs his thumb over her knuckles. "Hey, Cas. Nice shower?" What kind of stupid ass question was that?

  
"It was pleasant. I feel better now." She nods, not really having a response for that. "Dean's making waffles and sausage." _Jesus Christ on a pixie stick, what's wrong with you, Maddie?_ She sighs and turns her attention to the conversation going on between the other three, even while her mind's going pregnantpregnantpregnant.  
  
  
  


~Gabriel~  
~Later~

  
Gabriel's sitting at a table in the library slowly losing his mind. They need to figure out a plan. Gabriel's an archangel, he should be able to figure this out! He's not used to feeling so helpless and he hates it. Fuck, and Maddie's still pissed at him for not telling her what the necklace would do. It's not his fault! He wasn't allowed to tell her! He slams the book down on the table and runs his hands through his hair. If he could figure out how Jegudiel managed to pin him, maybe he could reverse it. Or if he could even track the damn guy. But nothing is working. They literally had nothing to go on. Well no, they have plenty to go on, just no way to figure anything out. Shit. They couldn't track Jegudiel? Check. They had no idea how many demons were after them? Check. They wanted Maddie? Check. _Fuck._

  
~Sam~

  
They were getting nowhere. He and Gabriel had been combing the archives for anything helpful and so far they've found nothing. There's literally no information about this guy Jegudiel and there are no clues as to what kind of magic he was using. Or if it was even magic, it might've been grace or something. The things Cas and Gabe remember about him aren't helpful. They're literally flying blind here and they have no idea what to do. Plus there's the demon that's supposedly after him. Sam can't find anything about him. He has no idea what they're planning or why he wants Sam. And the thing with Jegudiel and Maddie... It's bad. He's worried. And the fight that Dean and Maddie had yesterday was awful. He knew her past had been bad but he hadn't expected that. The "bleed for the Winchesters" comment hurt. It was so true, too. How many people had bled for them? Kevin, Charlie, Bobby, Mom, Dad, Jo, Ellen, Ash, Jess... Adam. A myriad of other hunters and people they've met over the years. So many. Too many. Way too many. Nobody should've had to die for them. Nobody.

 

~Crowley, King of Hell~  
~October 10th~

 

Rowena's high, shrill voice was getting on his last everloving nerve. "She's the strongest empath and seer to be seen in hundreds of years, and you're just going to sit there and lounge around on your throne like a lazy king? Aren't you going to do anything?"

  
"I am the king! And I'm bloody tired of you! She's in a ruddy underground fortress surrounded by lumberjacks and their angelic guard dog!" Rowena just smiled. It was that annoying 'I-know-something-you-don't-know-dear' smile. "Haven't you heard? Little Castiel is no longer seraphim. _Mhmm_." She shakes her head. "He's human now." Oh, now this is interesting. If it's true.

  
"And if that's true, why haven't I heard about it?"

  
"I don't know, dearie. Perhaps your lackeys leave a little something to be desired." She _tsks_ and Crowley rolls his eyes and glares at the dark stone walls. "How did you come to hear of the pet angel's new humanity?"

  
"Oh, I have my ways. That's not important right now. What is important is that you get her. She's very powerful, more so than the others know, I'm sure of it. She would be very useful to have. And very dangerous for you if someone else gets ahold of her first."

  
"What others?"

  
"Everyone, dear."

 

~Castiel~

  
He's excited. He'd gotten Gabriel to finish the vials and they were ready now. He's a little nervous but realistically he knew he shouldn't be. This is going to be a good thing. He's positive.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gonna take a moment to say this. 
> 
> Uno; I didn't include it in the previous chapter cuz it jacked with the flow and I didn't like it, but; Maddie didn't have a hymen y'all. Some females are born without them, and that's the way Maddie's made, so I just wanted to throw that in there since it really was her first time. I didn't want any confusion.
> 
> 2\. This IS NOT CANON COMPLIANT. Some things have happened, and THEY ARE NOT IN ORDER. TMF knows about Chuck being God, but Crowley's not dead. Sue me, lol. I love Crowley. He's awesome. And Chuck's freaking awesome too. I'm considering putting him in this fic too. *ducks down to avoid flying shrapnel. Kiodragon's gonna kill me now. LOL*
> 
> 3\. Yep, you heard it, right folks. Maddie's preggers with a baby. A baby that is made of all of them. 1 part Maddie, 1 part Dean, 1 part Cas. It makes sense that the feather would contain an infitismal portion of Cas's Grace. I wanted to give them a chance to have a baby all together and not just one or the other. So, thus, the feather theory was born.
> 
> 4\. Should also point out, I'm behind in seasons from lack of Netflix. I HAVEN"T EVEN SEEN CHUCK SHOW UP ON THE SHOW YET. *cries* Therefore, this pregnancy probably isn't going to be anything like the whole Kelly/Jack thing. Different circumstances, yada yada, but just wanted to throw that in here. I'ma write it like I think it would happen. Or rather, the way it happens in my head. :) Anyway, thanks for reading y'all!


	41. Talk to Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Her journal entries are not written like that. Maddie writes almost every day, but I just decided to include those specific ones, and the time stamps show you how much was in between each one.

  
~From the Journal of Maddie~  
~ One Year Before the Dimension Switch~

_I am feeling a bit depressed I guess. Or well, more than a bit... It's kind of been rolling around the last couple of days like a snowball on its way downhill and now I have this heavy ball of crap in my chest that I can't talk about to anyone. There is no one. That's part of the problem... I want somebody. I crave it. Maybe yearn is a better word? I don't know... But it sucks... The really sucky part is...is that I know it's not going to happen. Because of who I am. How I look. The way I am. I can't go to high school now. They go off of the credits I have, which basically means I'm fucked. Money is so tight we don't know how we're buying groceries next week much less get internet for me to do online school. I'm so fucked... I hate it. I'm like Jim Carrey in Bruce Almighty. There's an anti-Madelynne barrier I just can't get past. And I don't know what to do about it..._

  
_I don't know... I wish I had somebody to... Well, actually, I guess I don't. I never want to share this with anyone. But I know I will. Eventually. If I ever end up with anybody, and it's real, they'll have to know. I can see it now, happening inside my head. Neither of my relationships has been real. Not really... I didn't feel anything. I thought I did, but apparently not... And my ability to turn my feelings on and off for somebody scares the fuck outta me. How can I care about someone one day, and be absolutely positive those feelings are genuine, then the next they can be hit by a bus and my response is, "Oh darn, that's a sucky way to go." I don't understand. What if I never change from this? From being in this place where nobody really touches me. Where nobody can get to me... What if I never get out of that? What if there's nobody out there to pull me out of here? I don't know what it's like to be...to be touched by someone. The closest person in the world to me is Lorretta, and I would die for her if I had to. I know it. But she's the only one. And... There are things I can't even share with her. I don't know if I'll ever be that close to anyone. I have a horrid fear that I won't. That I'll just be... alone. And I'll deserve it. Because I'm ugly. On the outside, and in. I have my good days. Where I feel like I look good, or whatever. Or I'm happy. And it takes all of one look at Bre with makeup on, or a thin girl with long hair and that's toppled down. I know that's my inferiority complex. At least partially. And the low self-esteem and all that... I just... There's no way for me to be confident about it because I can't believe it. I can't truly believe it. It won't happen._

  
_I just can't... When I start to feel like I am good enough, or pretty enough, I feel good about it. Then later I see how I was actually being and realize how fucking ridiculous I was being. How stupid. I look back on it and see how fucking moronic I was acting and I feel so stupid. I feel... dejected right now. The perfect word I guess is melancholy. A thoughtful sadness. That's about right, I'd say. I don't know what to do. I'm just so lost. Nothing I'm trying to do is working out. Nothing will go the way I need it to. Nothing will move. Everything either stays the same or steadfastly gets worse, and that's not just my point of view, that's the facts. I try to be positive. I do. And generally, I do succeed, believe it or not. Then something happens and it comes crashing down. It works in cycles, generally... It doesn't matter. I'm just... Alone. That's the only word. I get up alone. I eat alone. I go on my walks alone. I write alone, no one will read it. Not even Boo. I spend my days wrapped in loneliness. I don't have a friend to talk to. I'm just so tired of being friendless. Of not being worthy of friendship. Of feeling so inferior, or being treated that way. I haven't seen one person my age here that hasn't (A.) Looked down there nose at me or (B.) ignored me completely. I pass these people almost every day and that's still the reaction I get. I would ask why, but I already know. The way I look. Anyone can spout on and on about how it's what's on the inside that matters, and they're right. However, when you first see someone, you are looking at their outside, and you make the decision based on what you see whether or not to get to know the person and look inside._

  
_This sounds so pathetically cliche, but I want to be held. I want someone to give me a hug when I feel sad. I want someone to try to make me laugh when I'm down. For someone to laugh when I'm being funny, or sing stupid songs with. For someone to actually pay attention to me. When I'm talking, if it's not just me and whoever else, I can start a story and literally stop mid-story and no one notices. Even Bre and Bj. I can't really fault them for it I get it. I really am easily run over, and that's not sarcastic. I don't know why, but my voice just doesn't carry that factor that makes people want to listen to me. I am like... wallpaper. Something you notice when you first walk in and remark mentally if its nice of ugly, and don't think about it again. I'm a background. I always have been. I have no idea why that's just kind of how it happened. I don't know why I'm even talking about any of that bullshit... I just wish I knew how to change this... I read over this and it sounds so weak and pathetic that I want to erase it, but if I do that's to deny a part of me. Because I feel it. And that's something I try not to do. I'd always rather know. And I know this reads so fucking stupid and weak that it'd probably either turn one's stomach with revulsion or make a particularly malicious person laugh. I'm not stupid enough to think otherwise. A nicer person might read it with pity. Sympathy, maybe... But it really doesn't matter. No one's going to read it. Ever. In fact, you never know, I may erase it. I doubt it, but you never know._  
  


_Why am I like this? That's a million dollar fucking question._

  
_~Maddie_

  
**~A couple months later~**

  
_Dad's wedding is today. It's at the courthouse... I don't even know why we're going. It's a court-house wedding! Why do we even have to be there? I have no idea. It doesn't make sense to me. I don't wanna go.  ~Maddie_

  
**~The next day~**

  
S _o went to Dad's wedding yesterday. His new wife's friend Brenda came and picked us up. She's pretty cool. We ended up walking around the courthouse thrice because nobody knew where we were supposed to go. Then we ended up having to wait thirty minutes because the app. time was wrong. Ryan, Trish, Shay, and I guess his girlfriend was there too. Bj made me take pics even though he was supposed to. I was pissed. Then we ended up going back to Dad's until like 10 o'clock. We were all exhausted, I just got up like 45 minutes ago. Not that I slept good, or anything. The boys like to scream, so I can't fucking sleep in the morning. And now I need to go clean and rearrange my room. I can't take sleeping next to the paper thin wall anymore. Not with the boys being loud monsters every morning. I like to sleep in when I can.  ~Maddie_

  
**~Two days later~**

  
_Jesus, I sound like an asshole in my last entry. I was pissed, but still. Fuck. I'm horrible. Bj and Bre would be better off with someone else watching the kids. I'm just terrible... I love those kids to death and I'd do anything for them, but when I get aggravated I just... Jesus. I can't even stand myself right now reading the stupid shit I wrote. How does anyone talk to me? Seriously? Fuck. ~Maddie_

  
**~Three days later~**

  
_It's been snowing since like 7 o'clock this morning! There's like 6 inches of snow outside! And I went out walking in it, it was awesome. It's so pretty. Bj's snowed in at Dad's. He was stuck at work but managed to get a ride to Boone. We don't know if he'll be able to make it home or not. If not, we might not have power tomorrow. Which it's not supposed to stop snowing until sometime tomorrow, and they're calling for a foot. If we don't have heat we're gonna be some cold popsicle people. Jesus... We don't ever really catch a break. I'm so happy about the snow though. I love it. I would probably kill a man for a cup of hot chocolate though. Boo's getting her braces on Monday. She has to have two teeth pulled on the top to make room in her mouth. There are two molars on the bottom that aren't coming through the gum but growing sideways towards her other teeth. It's not good. She's going to have to wear them for about 2 1/2 years. She's nervous about getting them, but I think she'll be fine. Anyhow, I'ma pop off here and read, probably. ~Maddie_

  
**~Many months later~**

  
_It'll be my birthday soon... Jesus fuck... Eighteen years old. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that? I don't know. I have a weirdly good feeling... I can't describe it, but I'm sort of excited I guess? I don't know if that's the word or not, but maybe it's close. I just think something's gonna happen. Something good. It seems ridiculous, but I guess you never know.... ~Maddie_

  
~Gabriel~  
~October 10th, that morning~

  
"Sam? Wake up." Gabriel shakes his shoulder gently and Sam jolts awake, looking around wildly. He calms down when he sees it's just Gabriel and he sits back against the pillows, closing his eyes and breathing heavily. After a long silence, he says, "Another nightmare?"

  
Gabe nods, "Yeah. What's going on Sam?" Sam's eyes pop open at the use of his name. He just sighs wearily. "I don't know Gabe. I'm worried." Gabriel lays his head down on Sam's shoulder and thinks, _Yeah, me too._

~Maddie~  
~Present~  
  


  
Maddie declined training today and got three weird looks. She brushed it off, but she knows it looked weird since she's been so gung-ho about it. It wasn't that she was worried about the baby getting hurt or something (baby being a loose term since it's still just a fertilized cell, but whatever), she was just so out of it. She's been thinking all day and Gabriel's shot her worried looks more than once. Dean has been hovering all day asking if she's alright and stuff and Cas keeps popping up and asking her random questions. (Maddie, why does John Bender ask Claire about elephantitis? Have you ever heard of elephantitis?) When she finally crawls into bed she's tired and has a headache because her mind's been spinning all damn day. It takes all of three minutes before the bedroom door is opening again and both Cas and Dean walk in. She sighs lightly.

  
"Hi, guys." Cas says 'hello' but Dean doesn't say anything, which is nerve-wracking. She sits up and looks at him but she can't make out much in the dark, he's too shadowed.

  
"Well, are y'all just going to stand there and stare at me, or what? Coming to be-ed?" Her voice cracks a little bit at the end of the sentence revealing how nervous she is. Hundreds of 'what if' questions are running through her mind screaming their heads off. Cas climbs into bed beside and leans up against the headboard with his legs stretched out in front of him. Having a feeling she's going to not like what's coming she does something childish and lays back down, this time on her side and facing Cas. Her face is nearly pressed into his pants leg and the dread is building in her stomach. She hears the shuffling of clothing and then Dean crawls in behind her, carefully not touching her, she notices. Fucking great. She can tell he's laying down, probably facing the same way she is, but she doesn't want to look. She feels like a damned child too afraid to peek out from under the covers because the big bad monster will get them. Cas lays a warm hand against her hair and starts stroking gently. She has to give him props, he's definitely gotten better at the comfort thing since becoming human.

  
"Maddie," Dean starts. Here it comes. "What's wrong?"

  
"Something's been up with you since this morning. Normally I'd let you chill and work things out on your own, but since we went the full monty this morning, I figure it has something to do with that. We have to talk about stuff like that, as much as I'd usually make fun of myself for saying that."

  
"It's fine, Dean. I told you that." Her voice comes out a little more snappish than it should and the silence is deafening. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that." Maddie sits up and scoots up against the headboard next to Cas, leaving Dean propped up on his elbow looking at her with arched eyebrows.

  
"Talk to me." He says, and she's reminded of when she saw him say that to Cas after he decimated Heaven and refused to go back because he was afraid he'd kill himself after seeing what he'd done. Maddie shivers unconsciously, hating the thought of it. She crosses her arms across her middle and stares down at her lap, biting her lip.

  
"It's just... There's just something I can't tell you guys about okay? I just... I can't. What happened this morning is fine. More than fine. It was perfect, and I loved it, and I'm definitely not against doing it again. I don't want you to think it's that, cause it's not. You guys were - are - wonderful, and it's not that. There's just... Some things have happened... And I just can't, okay? I'm sorry. Please trust me." She gives the speech mostly to her lap, casting little glances up at Dean and Cas occasionally. She's afraid of what she might see in those eyes. Cas wraps an arm around her shoulders and Dean starts talking.

  
"Is this about what happened in your past? I mean... I kinda figured something went on, you know..." Maddie winces without thinking about it. Of course, he figured that out. As much as she hates it, it's a good excuse. She feels like dirt doing it but she nods slightly, determined to make it up to him in every way she can. He nods understandingly and sits up, copying her and Cas by leaning against the headboard. His hand pats her thigh reassuringly and she leans her head back and closes her eyes. "If there's something you need, just tell us. Whether it's space, or you know, whatever. I don't know. Just tell us. Okay?" Maddie nods.

  
"Yeah. Yeah, I can do that. I'm sorry about today."

  
"It's alright. We understand." Cas gives her a sideways hug and she melts into it.

  
"What do you need right now?" Maddie doesn't even have to think about it.

  
"Just you guys. Just this." And that's what she gets.

  
~Castiel~  
~October 11th~

  
He wakes up to a soft movement against his chest. He opens his eyes and looks down. He smiles at the sight. It's a rare moment for him to end up in the middle of the bed, and he's honestly not sure how it happened. He started out on the side of the bed but now he's in the middle and Dean and Maddie are on either side of him. Maddie's head is laying on his chest and she's got an arm laying by her head. Her fingers are curled around the collar of his t-shirt. It's one of Dean's. Even though he has his own clothes now he likes wearing Dean's things because they smell like him and they're very comfortable. Speaking of Dean, he's using Castiel's left arm as a pillow and his forehead is touching Castiel's neck. His nose is against Maddie's arm. How interesting. Usually, Dean or Maddie is in the middle. He and Maddie both seem to gravitate towards Dean when they're sleeping, and he and Dean put Maddie in the middle a lot.

  
He has a feeling it's because they view her as the most vulnerable of them all and they wish to protect her and keep her safe. Or perhaps it's because she's female and it's instincts. They usually end up wrapping themselves around her in a circle of warmth and arms. Perhaps they subconsciously wish to comfort her like that. Castiel's not sure, but he's pleasantly surprised to find himself in between them this time. But he's not lying in a way that suggests he needs comfort. No. He's cradling them both in his arms and they're holding on to him, suggesting they need the comfort, not him. Intriguing. Castiel likes psychology, he finds. It takes on a whole new meaning for him since he's human now.

  
He likes it. He likes understanding now. And he likes waking up with his two humans in his arms.

 

~Maddie~

  
Maddie rubs at the edge of the cut on her hand idly. She hasn't bothered trying to hide it anymore since everybody knows anyway things to Gabe's blabbermouth. She rubs her temples with her fingers. She's getting a bit of a headache thinking about it all. She didn't drink any coffee this morning, instead opting for hot chocolate since she hasn't had it in a while. Caffeine's bad for the baby and all that. She knows she's overreacting a little bit since again, the baby's immeasurably small at this point, but she can't help but think like that. She definitely doesn't want to do anything to endanger it in any way. She'll have to ask Gabe about prenatal vitamins, assuming he's still talking to her. She was a bitch to him yesterday and needs to apologize. She hasn't had a chance to today. He and Sam have been holed up in the library since early this morning trying to find answers. Maddie's pretty sure they've had to have looked at everything at least twice. They're fucked, basically. They need help. But who could they even ask? Maddie has no idea. She takes a bite of her sandwich and chews on autopilot. Dean and Cas are - _whoa_... What was that? It felt like a tingle. Just a tiny little tingle, right under her belly button. The eff? Okay then... After she finishes her sandwich she intends on going to help Sam and Gabe in the library. You never know. Maybe they'll actually find something this time around.  
  
  
  
  
  
.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How are y'all feeling about Maddie now, might I ask?


	42. I Think We Have a Mission to Complete

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop whoop! Crowley POV.

  
**~Time skip, a few hours later~**

  
Gabriel's eyes narrow and he tilts his head like he's listening. "There's someone outside. I'll be back. You peeps stay inside, no matter what." Then Gabriel disappears in a colorful flash of completely useless purple smoke.

  
"Gabe!" Sam yells. Maddie swallows thickly. Sam and Dean have a moment of silent communication and then they're grabbing weapons. She and Cas stand up and accept the guns from the boys. Maddie checks the clip and the safety with a cool head. She can't panic. Set and raring to go now. She and Cas are giving each other looks were grabbing weapons, Cas stood and looked as if he was trying to prepare himself. She and Cas were giving each other looks, silently asking each other what it could be. They had all been sitting in the library trying to find something out, anything, but they had come up with bupkis. After thirty seconds their group was already getting antsy, fidgeting with their weapons. They hear a crash from up above the stairs and they all go off to see what it was. There's muffled cursing and thumps and Maddie reaches out with her gift curiously before she actually sees who it is. Whoa, holy shit. Demon. Then the voice breaks through and she realizes who it is. Crowley. Well, fuck.

 

**~Crowley~**

  
"Hey! Watch the merchandise! This is a designer suit, you know." Crowley yelled, indignant. The short archangel gave him a flat glare. "No respect these days." Crowley murmured, knowing the angel could hear him. Crowley was pushed unceremoniously towards the stairs and he raised an eyebrow at the angel. He certainly hadn't been expecting that welcome. He had not even known the archangel was here. Thanks for that, mother dearest, he thought dryly. He sees his very favorite moose and squirrel come into view and he arranges his smirk. Castiel follows, looking very... human. And then, oh. There she is. The newest addition to the group of righteous vagabonds. He supposed that she was appealing for a human.

  
"Hello, boys," He greets them. "Long time no see. How're things? I hear there's been a ruckus."

  
Dean huffs. "What do you know, Crowley?"

  
"What? No hello? I thought you had more manners than that, squirrel. No introductions, either." Crowley tuts and turns his attention to the only female in the room. She's eyeing him sharply and curiously. He feels something probing at him internally. What the bloody hell is that? "Hello, darling. A pleasure, I'm sure." She smiles. "Hello, Crowley. I'm Madelynne. It's nice to meet you." He throws his arms up, directing his gaze to the Winchesters. "See? Manners. They're really not that hard, you two."

  
"What're you doing here, Crowley?" The ex-angel says and Crowley has to repress a laugh at how he sounds. Humanity looks good on him, he decides. "Oh, you know. I was around. I heard some things. Some things you might be interested in knowing. I thought I'd come meet the little minx that has Hell in such an uproar." He turns to her. "You're causing quite the distraction lately." She tilts her head in a look that he knows had to come from the bed-headed ex-angel. "How's that?"

  
"Demons are always after power. You, my dear, are currently Hell's new celebrity. Everybody's who's anybody is wanting you on their team."

  
"Nobody's touching her," Dean growls and Crowley casts him a surprised look. Perhaps there's something more there. Madelynne steps forward and starts walking up the stairs, looking very calm, though Crowley knows her heart is racing. He gives her props for a good poker face though. The angel's grip on his arm tightens and he swats him away with an irritated look. "Don't touch her, dickbag, or I'll end you in the most painful way possible." Crowley rolls his eyes.  
  
  
"Promises, promises. Ahh, so what have we here?" He asks as she climbs to the top step and is in front of him. She doesn't seem afraid, surprisingly. And she seems to know who he is. Perhaps she's stupid. "Why're you here? Really?" She asks curiously. "I believe I've answered that question. Weren't you paying attention?" Her mouth twitches into a half-smile.

  
"Give it to me straight, Crowley. Why're you here and what do you want?" He takes a cursory look through her mind and is surprised. There's almost nothing there. Perhaps she really is stupid. No, wait. Is she hiding it somehow? How is that even possible? A thought drifts up and he catches it, ' _You having fun, peeping tom? My mind is mine to peruse, not yours. Stay out. Please._ ' Well... No one's ever asked him quite that nicely before. He shrugs as if to say it's nothing. "As you wish, darling. Now, as to why I'm here, I believe I can help you. I have information."

  
"What kind of information?" Dean asks.  
  
  
"The kind you'll be interested in hearing."

  
"Yeah, but what's the price, Crowley?" Samson steps forward. Crowley rolls his eyes. These two, honestly. "I want a favor."

  
"What kind of favor, douchebag?" Dean growls. "You're very crabby today," Crowley notes aloud. "Something got your panties in a twist?"

  
"Dammit, Crowley, just tell us what you want!" Sam exclaims.

  
"He wants me to help him with something," Madelynne says, and Crowley turns to her, surprised. "And how, my dear, did you come by that information?" She smiles thinly. "It didn't exactly take Sherlock Holmes. Everybody wants me on their team. You're the King of Hell. Demons like power. You like having the Winchesters under your thumb. What better way to accomplish all of those things? What else could you want, really? Unless I'm wrong, of course."  
  
  
She arches an eyebrow at him and his raise in surprise. She's not stupid. "Well, boys, she certainly beats you in the academic department. She's correct. I've got a little problem I need fixed, and I think she's just the girl for it." There was immediately a chorus of shouting.

  
"No way!"

  
"Heh, I don't fucking think so."

  
"Absolutely not."

  
"We're fine on our own, thanks."

 

**~Maddie~**

  
With a slight sigh, Maddie turns and walks down the stairs, breezing by the boys who all quiet and look around. She just smiles and strides down the hall into the kitchen. They're idiots, but they're loveable idiots at least. She pours herself a glass of orange juice and, just like she knew they would, they all follow her into the kitchen. Including Gabriel and Crowley. She turns around and hops up on the counter, sipping her juice with a raised eyebrow at them all. She sits it down and the silence pulses for a beat then she speaks. "You guys are morons. Seriously." They all look at her, nonplussed. She has to repress a chuckle.  
  
"Crowley, what is it you need done?" She asks. Dean jumps in before he can speak. "Hell no. Maddie, you are not doing this. We're not doing this." Cas and Sam nod along with him and she sighs.

  
"Guys. We've been scouring the archives for days. There's nothing. Jegudiel was able to trap Gabriel. Cas, you remember what you told Dean all those years ago when Lilith was after Sam? Archangels are Heaven's most terrifying weapon. They're absolute. If these guys are strong enough to trap Gabriel, we're pretty much fucked. We have no leads, and no way to prevent the earthquake in San Francisco that everyone's so conveniently forgotten about. There's someone after Sam, apparently, everyone's after me, and who's after us? Demons. Demons that we can't find any information on. Who would have information on demons? Hmm. Perhaps the King of Hell? We're a team and we make decisions together. You don't get to dictate what I do. So I'm going to hear Crowley out, and then I'll tell you what I think we should do, and we'll go from there. It's called compromising and speaking like adults. You outta try it sometime." Gabriel's smirking, Sam looks resigned, Cas is chastised and Dean just looks angry. Crowley looks impressed.  
  
  
"Well played, darling, well played." In what she's sure is a calculated move, Crowley sits down at the table. "So what is it that you want exactly, Crowley?"

 

**~**

  
  
"Maddie, this is stupid. You're going to get yourself killed." _Thanks for the vote of confidence, Sammy,_ she thinks wryly. She's slipping her knife into the sheath on her thigh where it lays snug against her jeans. She's finally getting the chance to wear the combat boots that Dean bought her and her new jacket. Overall, she feels about like how Dean looked back in Season Two. Dean, Cas, Sam, and Gabriel are all standing around her in a semi-circle, still trying to talk her out of this. She feels the now familiar little tingle of grace bubbling underneath her naval and wonders if that's going to last the whole pregnancy. It's not unpleasant, at least. She checks the gun that's settled in the low of her back, making sure it's ready to go. She's also got a knife slipped into her boot, and a gun on her hip. No one can say she's not prepared. She probably won't even have to use these. She's not supposed to be in the midst of the action, but there's always that just in case.

  
"Look, guys. We've been going over this for three days now. We all decided this is the best plan. You know I wouldn't do it unless I had to. I don't like worrying you guys. And believe me, I don't have a burning urge to put myself in danger, but we gotta do this. And Gabe will be with me the whole time. We'll be fine." Nobody looks real convinced, and Dean looks immeasurably sad, and Cas worried. "Sam, Gabe, can you give us a minute?"

  
They both nod mutely and leave her and the boys in their shared bedroom. Dean is looking steadfastly at the floor and Cas is looking right at her. Maddie steps forward and puts a hand on Dean's cheek, moving his face so he's looking at her. He looks lost, and angry and sad. He's still staring at the floor, so she channels him from several years ago. She moves her head down until she's right in his field of vision and his eyes flick up to hers. They follow her face until she's standing straight again. She thinks she might know what the problem is, and she hopes she's striking at the heart of it.

  
"I'm not leaving you, Dean. I won't. I'm not going to die or be taken away, I promise." After several long moments, he finally speaks. "You can't promise that. You don't know. This is dangerous. Our life is dangerous. I don't want... I can't. I can't lose either of you. I don't care anymore, you guys are the most important things in my life, I can't lose either of you."

  
"Oh, Dean," Cas breathes and Maddie feels her heart start aching. What exactly is she supposed to say to that? She doesn't feel qualified for this. "Dean, I'm not going to die. And yeah, it's dangerous, but it's not even my first run in with demons. It's not the first time I've been exposed to life-threatening situations. I can handle myself. I know that's not what this is about, but I'll be fine, Dean. I'm not even going to be part of the altercation. And I have Gabriel with me. Crowley won't let anything happen to me, anyway. I'm too valuable; as cocky as that makes me sound." Dean actually cracks a small smile at that and she and Cas both share a relieved sigh. Maddie grabs Dean's hand and runs her thumb over his scarred knuckles. "Dean, I promise you, I'm coming back. I promise."

  
"Thought we decided your promises don't mean shit?" He grumbles and she cracks a smile. "Fuck you, Dean. You know they do."

  
"I wanna protect you."

  
"You are. By allowing me to do this, we're one step closer to getting this over with, which is keeping me, well, all of us, safe. I love you guys, you know that?" Maddie throws her right arm around Dean's neck, and her left around Cas's and brings them in to give them a hug as best she can. She's enveloped by arms and shaky breaths. "Please be careful, Maddie," Cas says roughly. She turns her head and gives him a quick kiss. "You know I will be." She reluctantly lets go of them and steps back a little. She sees Gabriel in the doorway and he points to his wrist, which is not wearing a watch, but she gets the picture. He walks away again. She leans forward and kisses Dean too. They share a breath and then she's whispering against his mouth.

  
"I promise you I'm coming back. I love you, Dean. Love you too, Cas." She looks over at him and he smiles softly. "And I you."

  
Maddie leans away and checks her pockets to make sure she has everything. She thinks so. Her braid makes a weird noise against the leather of her jacket as she moves. She had Gabriel french braid it for her earlier. She's never figured out how to do that by herself. Cas and Dean just look so damn worried she can't quite bring herself to walk out the door yet. So she goes to plan B.

  
"There's something I want you two to do while I'm gone if you would." Dean looks wary. "What is it?" She sighs and hopes she's making the right decision here. She might regret this. "On my laptop, there's a file in my pictures marked 'Me'. After I'm gone, I want you to open it. There's a couple of videos in there that I want you to watch if you're willing. Cas, you know my password to my laptop. It's over there on the dresser. I hope you'll see it through. It should keep you distracted while I'm gone. We'll talk about it when I get back. I've gotta go now."

  
"Maddie, wait." She turns around to look at Cas. He pulls something out of his pocket and she gasps. "Is that-"

  
"Holy shit, Cas," Dean says.

  
"My grace. Yes." There are two vials of glowing, writhing, blue/white essence sitting in his hand, they're both attached to long silver chains. "I had Gabriel do this for me. I wasn't going to give them to you yet, but now is as good a time as any. Humans exchange rings as a promise of their love. The only thing I have to offer you, both of you, is myself. This is my being, my very lifeforce, really. And I give it freely to both of you. I trust you. I know you'll take care of it. Take care of me. As I will both of you. I love you."

  
Shit. Tears prick at her eyes. That's gotta be the sweetest thing she's ever experienced. Maddie holds out a shaky palm and Cas presses a vial of grace into it. She gingerly wraps her fingers around it and feels the warmth pulse through her, and the tingle of grace under her bellybutton zings a little faster at the contact. She slips the chain over her head and watches as Dean does the same. The vial of warm grace settles comfortably against her lower sternum, and she tucks it under her shirt, liking the pulsing warmth against her skin immediately.

  
"Did we just get angel married?" Dean asks and Maddie chuckles. Leave it to Dean to break the moment with a bad joke. "Looks like it. Cas, this is beautiful. And the sweetest thing anyone's ever said - or done, rather - to me." Maddie hugs him fiercely because she knows her time is winding down quickly.

  
"I love you too, Cas. _So damn much._ This means everything to me." Maddie leans in to whisper in his ear.

  
"I promise I'll show you just how much I love this when I get back."

  
She bites his earlobe before pulling away. His pupils are a little dilated and his breath shaky. She loves having that effect on him. She gives Dean another quick hug too before heading for the door. She turns back to look at them quickly. They're so beautiful in flannel and jeans in a way that nobody should be, and even more than that, they're hers. She loves them more than anything.

  
"Love you guys. I'll be back soon. Try not to kill each other while I'm gone." Dean actually smirks. "No promises... Maddie, you be careful. I don't care what's at stake, watch yourself and if you have to back out, do it." They both knew she wouldn't do that. She'd see the job through. There are lives at stake. So Maddie just nods firmly before taking another hesitant step back through the doorway.

  
"Love you. Bye guys." She gives them a little wave and turns on her heel to walk away before anyone else can say anything. She blinks away her tears furiously as she walks out to meet Gabriel and Crowley in the library. By the time she gets there, the moisture in her eyes is gone and she has herself under control. Crowley smirks when he sees her, but he does that with everyone. That's just his face.

  
"Ahh, there you are darling. I was beginning to think we'd have to drag you out by your pigtails." Maddie slips into her domme headspace, as she calls it, and smirks right back at him, feeling much more confident than she normally ever would. "As if. Ready boys? I think we have a mission to complete."

  
Gabriel gives her a thin smile in return which worries her but she says nothing. Sam watches her go with sad eyes. Since they're taking Angel Tram for this, they link hands. She feels a burst of _knowing_ from Crowley, even through the thick walls she has put up and she almost swears. Fuck. Right before they blink away she looks back up at Sam. A weird smirk twists his mouth and, just for an instance, she sees his eyes flash black. She's gone before she can even blink to look again.

  
They land in the agreed field without a sound. When she looks up Crowley is looking at her with a carefully blank face. Almost assessing. Then it clears and he's smirking again. "Angelic bun in the oven, hmm? Who would've thought that little-"

  
"Crowley, you wanna finish that sentence or you wanna get stabbed in the throat?" She growls. "I'm in _no_ mood for games. We have a job, let's get it done. No jabs at my personal life or I will walk right out of here and go back home and you can figure out a way to do this yourself." His eyes seem, for the briefest of moments, to wink red and it reminds her of what she thought she saw on Sam. Crowley sneers at her but rolls his eyes, seeming to drop the subject.  
  
  
"Everyone's so bloody sensitive these days." He mutters and Maddie ignores it. She addresses the unusually quiet archangel. "Alright, Gabe. You ready to get this started?"  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh-oh... What's wrong with Sammy-boy? Y'all are gonna kill me cuz I literally don't have that written yet, lol. I wonder if any of you can guess it... Hmmm....


	43. Ad Hominem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for talking about crappy stuff from Maddie's past. She's explaining how her mom died and it's not too pretty, just saying. Also, she's insecure, and stuff, so there's that too. But I reward you with something kinda fluffy! Last chapter update for Chuck knows how long, guys, but I will update eventually. Promise. :) Thanks for reading!

  
~Dean~

  
Dean turns to Cas with an odd look. "What do you think's on her laptop that she wants us to see?" Cas shrugs and retrieves it off the dresser.  
  
  
"I don't know, Dean. We'll have to see." Dean settles onto the bed beside Cas and tries to focus on not chewing his thumbnail off his hand with worry. Logically he knows it should be fine. She'll be with Gabriel. But Dean's still freaking out. He just wishes he could be there. Cas types something into the keyboard after the home screen comes up, and then all Maddie's apps are up in large squares on the screen. Cas clicks the one for Desktop and navigates the mouse down to a picture of a little folder. He opens it, then opens the pictures file. Next comes the file labeled 'Me'. Sitting in it is a file labeled, 'Hi, guys -This one first' Dean chuckles. Maddie's such a dork. But an adorable dork as she once pointed out.

  
"Are you ready for this?" Cas asks him. Dean nods and thinks I sure as hell hope so. Cas double clicks it and a video file pops up. Holy shit, the things like twenty minutes long. It takes a second to load, and then Maddie's face is filling the computer screen. She looks worried. Dean can tell she's sitting in their room, and he wonders where he and Cas were when he was doing this. Then Maddie starts talking.

  
_"Alright, so hi, guys. I'm going out on a limb here and am going to say that if you're watching this than I am probably not in the bunker because I'm definitely too much of a coward to show you this while I'm there. Sorry about that."_ She grimaces then chuckles.  
  
  
"Jeez, this is going to be hard. Okay, so I guess I should start out with what this is. This is uh... Well, stuff you need to know, I guess. Stuff that I haven't told either of you. And it's only fair that since I know your guys' story that I tell you mine. Or at least the major points, since they're what affects me the most anyway. Dean, the others know some of this already, and I just wanna be clear and go ahead and tell you that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with circumstances. I wouldn't purposefully keep you in the dark. Cas knows because of the whole me-praying-to-him-for-a-year thing. Gabe has all my memories, and I told Sam about my depression and everything because of what happened between us. So um, I hope you're not mad at me about that. I wasn't trying to exclude you purposefully. Well, uh... I guess kinda prepare yourselves for this, cause it's uh... pretty dark... Ahh, crap. I'm nervous about this, guys. Ehh..."  
  
  
Maddie winces and Dean's eyebrows draw together. He and Cas share a look then Maddie starts talking again.

  
_"So uh... Okay. Like a band-aid, I guess... And uh.. Dean... I know you've been finding everything out secondhand. I'm sorry. But uh... Let's uh, start at the beginning, I guess. You know how you kinda guessed about the molestation thing in my past? Well... Yeah, uh... That happened."_   Maddie looks down and Dean scowls. Fuck, she shouldn't be saying this to a computer. He should've been there to comfort her during this. _"Uh, the first time, I was five. My brother made me give him blowjobs. He didn't uh... Anything else, I mean. Fuck, this is hard. Okay, and uh, the second time I was twelve and my cousin Josh... I don't know the word. Accosted? No, that's not right. I don't know. I was sleeping and I woke up with him... touching me. It didn't go very far, but I uh... It freaks me out. He's a big guy. Like over three hundred pounds and several inches taller and... you don't need to know any of this. Anyway..."_   Maddie trails off into an awkward silence and Dean winces. He's pissed.

  
_"Uh... Okay, more stuff, I guess. Dean, Cas, there's a lot of conspiracy about how my mom died. I told you Dad killed her because that's what I believe, and that's what all the evidence points to. Fuck, you guys might see me different for this."_ Maddie paused and took a deep breath.

  
_"I guess I need to start at the beginning. It'll help explain some things, I suppose. Ugh, this is stupid. Just listen, I guess. Or don't. Hell... My mom broke her shoulder in September. It was really bad. Even months later it was in a sling and she couldn't use it. It was her right shoulder, and Mom was right-handed. It hurt like anything for her to drive so she didn't. My mom also had a liver condition. I don't remember what it was called, but it affected the way her tolerance for alcohol. We didn't find this out until after the autopsy, but I always suspected. As I'm sure you know, when you drink a lot you build a tolerance for it. My mom was an alcoholic for over a decade and a few beers would have her buzzed and by six or seven she was out of it, stumbling and slurring and all of that. It was always that way. Anyway... Sorry, this all really is relevant. A couple of days before the accident my parents kinda... I don't even know the word. We barely saw them. They were leaving all the time and coming back at like three and four in the morning. They were drinking hardcore. The last time I saw my mom she couldn't even get out of the van. She was in the back, and the door was open and she was trying to get out but she kept falling backwards and almost falling forwards, she never got anything more than her calves out, that's how bad it was. Me and Boo were standing in the garden, just watching. I was disgusted._

  
_"I should've went and helped her, I thought about it, but I didn't. Mostly because I knew Boo would follow me and she didn't need to see that. But also because I'd been doing it for so long... I was just done. It was always me cleaning up the puke, or the piss, or pulling my mom's jeans up when she was too drunk to do it herself. Always me gagging from the smell of alcohol and vomit. I didn't want to do it again, so me and Boo stood in the garden and watched. Eventually, she just kinda gave up and slumped down in the backseat. Dad came and slammed the door shut and got in the driver's seat and they left. Me and Boo were just kind of... numb. I don't even remember that night, really. I had a bad feeling though. I remember that. Anyways, and my timeline is off here, because those memories are so hazy for me. I don't know how long they were gone before it happened. I think it was about a day or two, but I can't be positive._

  
_"It snowed. It'd been snowing, late January and all, and we lived in the mountains. Quite literally on top of one. The roads were bad, always have been. My aunt woke me up at seven o'clock in the morning and told me there'd been an accident. She'd been crying, and I already knew. I knew it was Mom, I swear it to you. I just knew. Honestly, had it been dad we probably would've celebrated. Boo had already woken up and been told and Iw as mad about that because she'd been crying and I'd just been sleeping. My aunt hugged me after she said there'd been an accident and Mom had died. I remember it lasting way too long. I was uncomfortable. Dad didn't show up until sometime that night. It was with his buddy David, and they'd both been drinking. My Dad was plastered, stumbling around and barely understandable. Which is saying a lot since my dad is the guy that can drink a fifth of whiskey and eat ice cream..."_ Maddie cleared her throat and looked away from the camera. Where the hell was he and Cas when she was doing this? Fuck.

  
_"Anyways, the story my dad told us was that it had been an accident. He'd lost control and Mom'd been in the backseat and she'd flown through the windshield. Next day, the story changed. Mom'd been in the front seat and trying to wrestle the wheel away from him. The story he told the police was that Mom had demanded that he give her the keys and had forced him into the van and she'd been the one driving when they went over the mountain. My mom never stood up to my dad once in all her life, even when it came to him hurting us. Not even when he was hurting her. She never would've done that. And I know she was way too drunk to be coherent enough to be even thinking about keys._

  
_"It would've taken mom forever to wear off a drunk like the one she was in when she left. And she wouldn't have stopped drinking. Zero self-control. If it was there and she was with Dad she was drinking it. So I didn't believe that for a second. Nobody did. After we went to sleep that night my aunt stayed up with Dad, listening to all his drunken bullshit. He told her that he'd been hanging out at a friend's who'd advised him to get his story straight and figure out what to tell the cops, yada yada. Didn't say it like that, but... When Dad's drunk he doesn't have a filter and then he doesn't remember what he said. He still doesn't know he told her that. He crawled from the crash sight up the embankment and walked all the way to the guy's house..._

  
_"The autopsy said that Mom's neck had been broken. Snapped. And there were... bruises. Apparently, she laid in the snow for a long time before..."_ Maddie cleared her throat again and blinked against the tears in her eyes.

  
_"Ahh, shit. Sorry. I was hoping to do this without the waterworks but no such luck... Last Christmas me uncle Jaimie told me he'd talked to some of the people that live in the back of the Dye Leaf. That's what it's called up there. Where we lived. We lived on the front of the Dye Leaf, and then there's a mountain and a very thin road, and then you're on the back of the Dye Leaf. The back of the Dye Leaf is known for incest, alcoholics, methheads and mean dogs if you're catching my drift. Anyways, the guy my dad had gone to get his story straight, his name's Harold, he's known for talking and being abusive, and that's about it. Jaimie apparently heard some things talking to him and talking to other people who were there right before Mom and Dad left that night._

  
_"She'd been drunk and had fallen in the snow. They just... they just left her there. They told Dad and he didn't even care. He didn't do anything. He- He said she laid there for hours... My mom couldn't have been driving. It's not even possible. My dad lied. It's obvious to everyone except for the police that were on the case. We actually know him. He's a charmer when he wants to be, and a master manipulator. He played them. My whole family knows he's responsible, but nobody's called him out on it... Not even me. I know he killed her. What I don't know is - is whether or not... he broke her neck and then tried to cover it up with a car accident hoping he'd die too, or if it really was an accident because he was driving drunk and he lied so he didn't go to jail for vehicular manslaughter. He told me once, he was drunk, that he wished he had died to. That he'd wanted to die. Either way, he killed her, and he got away with it just like he's gotten away with everything else he ever did to her and anybody else! He always gets away with it..."_

  
_Maddie quieted and stared at the wall beyond the laptop for a long moment. Dean took the time to look over at Cas who looked like he was about to be sick. Dean felt like he might be too, honestly. Fuck. Maddie started talking again and Dean looked back at the computer._

  
_"But you guys know how I say there's a reason for everything? Well, there was one. At least... I believe so. My mom had cervical cancer. It was really bad, a big tumor and everything. My grandma died from cancer, so has most of my mom's family actually, and she was absolutely terrified of getting it. I'd been trying to get her to go to a doctor for years, but she refused because she was scared. I think she knew. I mean... I just think she knew. Cervical cancer is one of the most painful ones you can get according to what I hear. So... I mean... It was for the better, I think. At least- at least a broken neck is quick. It's fast. With the cancer, she would've suffered, and not only that, she wouldn't been terrified the entire time. I've thought about it a lot here recently, and it kind of makes sense to me, I guess._

  
_"The last words I told Mom were 'I love you'. It wasn't something I said a lot, or meant sometimes because I did love my mom, but I hated her too, and I came to terms with that years ago. She had her moments. But anyways... At that point, me and Boo were living with my granny and my aunt and Mom and Dad were in the cabin across the creek. We'd come over during the day sometimes and help her with stuff she couldn't do. Bringing in firewood and doing dishes, stuff like that. We treated it like a chore. Like a hassle and a burden to even do it. I've felt bad about that since. But, usually, we'd just do whatever she needed and then go back home with a 'see you later' or a 'see you tomorrow.' I was bringing in firewood that day and I was in a... weird mood. I can't explain it._

  
_"This once, it wasn't annoying to me. Even though Boo was supposed to be helping me, I wasn't annoyed. When I was done with the firewood my mom said something along the lines of thank you and that she was sorry she couldn't do it herself. That she knew we hated doing it for her. I gave her a hug and told her it wasn't true. We kinda talked about it for a minute, and I made excuses for Boo. I made her smile. When I was going out the door I called out that I loved her and walked back across to the house. I did it slowly... It just seemed so... final. I never did that. It was always a 'see you soon' or 'I'll be back tomorrow.' I kind of knew. But you know, I think that's why I ended up being the one doing everything._

  
_"Let me try to explain that a little better. I mean, I was the sibling that saw Mom break her shoulder. I'm the one that saw Dad try to kick her out on the side of the road. I'm the one that begged for him to pick her back up from the hospital. I'm the one that read the autopsy and the one that had to help clean out that damned van. I mean... It's like... A balance, I guess. My brother's last words with mom were an argument, but he didn't have to do any of that. I don't know what Boo's were, I don't even know if she knows, but she helped me go through her clothes and everything not even two weeks after she died. My dad had been harping at me for days to do it. I wasn't ready, but he wouldn't stop. He just wanted to get rid of everything about her... But it was a balance. I got to say my goodbye. I got to tell her I loved her and managed to fix some things between us before she died. I got to say goodbye and my siblings didn't. That was their pain, and mine was having to do the things they didn't. Does that make sense?"_

  
Dean found himself nodding along even though he was watching a video.  


" _I don't know. I hope it does. You know, I'm not even sure if you guys wanted to hear all that crap. There's so much more... You just have no idea. But I wanted to share that with you, as horrible as the story is, because I've been watching you guys for years, and you've only known me for a tiny window of that time. You guys have a much longer history together than me with either of you. I don't really know how to explain the way I'm seeing this in my head. I know it probably sounds stupid. I'm sorry if you really didn't want to listen to that. I just..."_ Maddie looks down at her lap again, then back up into the camera. It looked like she was looking directly at them.

  
_"I want to give you guys my all. Everything. And I'm only the person I am today because of what I went through in my past. I... I don't even know why you guys want me. I mean... This soul mate thing. It got forced onto you Dean, and I'm sorry for that. I uh... I don't regret anything that's happened. I mean, with us. Me, you, and Cas. I love us together. All of us. I just... I don't know. This probably sounds so horrible, I'm sorry. Really sorry... I uh... I should probably stop this. I just feel like I should explain more. Um... You know what? Just uh... When I get back from wherever... Or if I'm there... Just come find me? I'll... I'll try to explain. I - I don't want to hurt you guys. I may just... delete this video. I dunno. I don't... I can't explain. I'm sorry. Fuck, I'm babbling. I do that when I'm nervous if you haven't noticed. Okay. I'm shutting up now. I... I love you guys. No matter what, don't forget about that, okay? Bye for now, guys."_ She gave the camera a little wave and the video stopped. Dean just blinked at the screen and looked over at Cas. His eyes were a little watery, and Dean thought he might still be sick. He felt sad. Then an alarm started going off on the laptop, flashing a notification across the screen. Cas clicked it curiously and the screen switched over to the one that held the alarms. He clicked it over to off and they both read the little space that said what the alarm is for. It was instructions.

  
**'Dean, Cas, don't forget about the other video. If I know you at all you probably did. I'm sorry I'm stupid, just watch the next video. Love y'all. <3'**

  
She does know them well. Dean had forgotten. Cas goes back to the pictures file and clicks on the new video. This one's labeled 'Watch me Next'. Maddie's face pops up again. It's a different day, Dean thinks, just based on her clothes. Is she in the... training room? Looks like it anyway. Maddie clears her throat on screen and Dean focuses.

  
_"Alright guys, so my last video was freaking awful. I'm sorry I made you watch that. Assuming you did, anyway. We're going to go with the assumption that I asked you to watch it. Anyways, the stuff at the end there? Yeah, I'm sorry about that. Emotions suck. Whatever else, I love you guys, and that won't change. But I have a question for you guys. Are you willing to go on a little journey with me? It requires walking, but not much I promise."_   She flashes them a grin and Dean finds himself smiling at her tangible excitement.

  
_"I hope you said yes! We're sticking with that assumption. Alright, so this may get a little complicated, but I promise it's not too bad. Think about it kind of like a scavenger hunt, I guess. First things first, pause this video and go open my notepad. Click File. Then click Open. A box will pop up, and you'll have to click on the file that says Instructions. Open it up. Do what number one says, then come back and click play on this video again."_

  
Cas pauses it and does as she said, opening the file that says Instructions. The first thing on it reads:

  
**1\. Go to my Window's Media Player. Open up My Playlists, then click on the one that says 'For You Guys With Love.' And yeah, yeah, Dean. I know. Sappy chick-flick moments. Suck it up buttercup, I'm better with music than with words. Don't play it yet! Just open it up. Then go back and click play on the video again. P.S. This playlist is gonna hit you right in the female parts. It's sappy, and it's girly, and you're just going to have to suck it up Mr. Sexy. Listen to it anyways. :P**

Cas does as instructed, actually handling the laptop quite well, and the little window pops up. He maximizes it and they scan the playlists, looking for the name. Dean has to shake his head at how cute and dorky that is at the same time. Cas clicks on it and a list of songs pops up.  


  * **Better Together - Jack Johnson**
  * **Joni Mitchell - A Case of You**
  * **Justin Timberlake, Anna Kendrick - True Colors (w lyrics)**
  * **Iyaz - Replay(Shawty like a melody w/lyrics from Youtube)  
**



  
And a bunch of other ones that have Dean scoffing. They read through it and Dean shakes his heads slightly at the ones he recognizes. They go back to click start on Maddie's video again.

  
_"Alright, guess you did what I asked. Next thing I need y'all to do? Hope you're up for it. Okay, so if all went according to plan you're in our bedroom right now. If not it's cool, but still. That's technically supposed to be the starting point. I hope you guys like this. Okay. You're not going to explicitly need shoes for this, but you'll be walking into some rooms I'm pretty sure you guys haven't seen yet, so if you want them, I'd suggest putting them on now. They're safe and everything, but I know you're finicky about shoes, Dean. Pause the video then press play when shoes are donned and you're ready for an adventure."_

  
Cas does as he's asked, and Dean slips on his shoes, leaving Cas in his bare feet. He wonders where the hell this is going. When they're both ready and sitting on the edge of the bed Cas starts the video up again.

  
_"Okey dokey, gentleman, let's get started. First things first. Cas, I made something for you. I really, really hope you like it. And Dean, I have something for you too. It's in the thing I made Cas, so don't worry. I didn't forget about you."_ Maddie smiles and Dean fins himself smiling too. _"Okay, since I want you guys to play music as you go, this is pretty much the end of my video. All the instructions are in the note. Follow them. They're not real complicated so you should be fine. Not that that was an insult to either of y'all's intelligence. You're both wicked smart."_ Maddie glares at the camera. _"Quit rolling your eyes, Dean. I know you are. You are smart too, even if you're a dipstick sometimes for not believing it. Look over at Cas and tell me I'm wrong. He's smiling, isn't he? See, I'm right?"_ Cas was indeed smiling and Dean laughed. "She really has us pegged doesn't she?" Dean says and Cas nods. "Indeed."

  
_"Ha! Told you! Anyway, yeah. Just follow the instructions, and I really, really hope you guys like it. Alrighty, bye for now guys. Follow the instructions! Love you!"_ And the video feed blips out. Dean looks at Cas with a slight smile. "Alright. Guess we're going scavenger hunting. What's the second thing we're supposed to do?" Cas clicks back to the Notepad window and they read the second instruction.

  
**2\. Okey dokey. We're leaving the bedroom guys. Take my laptop with you! First thing, go to the playlist and click play. Background music if you will. Gives it a little ambiance, yeah? (Hehe, sorry Dean. :P) After you click play, I want y'all to go to the library. When you get there, read the third instruction and follow. :)**

  
Dean sighs and stands and Cas clicks over to start playing the list of songs before standing too. With Cas carrying the laptop and Jack Johnson crooning in the background, they make their way to the library. When they reach the entryway they read the third instruction.

  
**3\. Kay, go to the second table from the doorway. There's a thing taped under the table. I want you to grab it and find page eight. Read the piece of paper in there. When you're finished, instruction 4 is waiting for you. :)**

  
Dean raises an eyebrow at the directions and Cas shrugs. Dean walks over to the table and kneels down, looking. There's a little blue book literally duct taped to the underside of the wood and it makes him laugh. Only Maddie. He pulls it off and folds the tape up, sticking the square in his pocket. The little book is about the size of his hand, but thin. It's a hardcover. The front of it reads Nota Bene, a Guide to Familiar Latin Quotes and Phrases. Dean starts flipping through it until he sees Page 8. There's a little slip of paper folded in the page and setting the book on the table he opens it up and reads Maddie's round cursive scrawl.

  
_Heyo! Boo gave me this book a long time ago. She found it God only knows where, but she thought I'd like it. She was right. :) On this page is a definition. Ad Captandum Vulgus: To appeal to the crowd. It's what I'm doing with my gifts here. I tried to think of something you guys would like. Something that you guys could love. I hope you're sticking with me for this. It'll all make sense later. Keep going guys. Take the book with you! ~ Maddie._

  
Dean shows the message to Cas then places the folded up piece of paper in his pocket and pick the book up to carry it with them. Cas is already reading the fourth instruction aloud.

  
"Number Four, go to the training room and grab the box that's sitting there. You'll need it to open the door you guys need to open. It also has a very detailed list of instructions to find the places I'm sending you because this place is a freaking maze, holy crap. I almost got lost trying to do this. Go through all the directions that are in the box. Smiley face... Maddie seems fond of those. What do you think she made us?"

  
Dean shrugs as the start walking.

  
"I have no idea. She obviously spent a lot of time doing it though. This is a lot of prep, you know what I mean?" Cas nods but remains silent and they reach the training room and JT is singing about colors now. How wonderful, he thinks sarcastically. They flip on the lights and immediately see the box sitting underneath the punching bag. Ironic place to put it. Dean goes and picks it up. He pulls the top of the box and takes a minute to wonder where the hell she got the box from but then figures Gabriel probably helped her with that. It looks like a little gift box, with a red bow on the top and everything. It's pretty small, about the size of a pack of sliced cheese or something. He laughs a little under his breath at that comparison and pulls out the folded piece of paper. Underneath it is a big brown key. It looks bronze, and when he picks it up, it's heavy. The handle is fashioned to look like a wing, interestingly enough. He hands it to Cas and opens the paper. He starts reading aloud as they go to the training room doorway. He reads them verbatim so it'll be less confusing.

  
"Standing in the training room door, I need you to turn left and go to the very end of the hallway." Dean and Cas do as they're asked and come to the end of the hallway. It's weirdly kind of empty and their footsteps, or at least his since he's wearing boots, echo across the walls. Now the background music doesn't seem so bad, actually. "Okay, now turn right and go two doors down. Stop, and make a left turn." They follow that, and then it's a serious of more confusing turns and hallways and he may or may not have trouble getting back to where they started.

  
"You're almost there guys. Sorry about all this. Turn right and go all the way down to the end of the hallway. You'll have to flip on the lights, the switch is on the right-hand side, right at the corner." Dean walks down and flips on the lights and Cas follows silently. Dean's really surprised to see a set of steps curving upwards set into the left side of the wall. There's a wrought iron handrail, and it's black and bolted to the wall. Cuz that's not weird.

  
"Okay. Almost there. Sorry for all the walking, I guess I lied about that, huh? Go up the stairs. There's quite a few but it's not too bad. When you get to the top you're going to find a wooden door. Don't open it yet. There's two things hanging from the doorknob. There's one for both of you. Dean, makes sure Cas has the key so he can open the door when you guys are done reading. Cas, your instructions are in the thing hanging from the doorknob. You followed me this far, just a little more guys." Dean sighs. He doesn't like stairs all that much. Cas starts chuckling as a new song starts.  
  
  
"I think she threw in a special song for you, Dean." Enter Sandman by Metallica. Hell yeah. Dean smiles. "Looks that way. You ready to tackle some stairs?"

  
They start walking up. The stairs curve around in a circle and just keep going up. There are little wall fixtures that are lit up every ten feet or so that are actually kind of cozy. "I'm very curious what's behind the door."

  
"Me too. It could be anything, you know. I wonder why she went through all this. She coulda just handed us something."

  
"Maddie likes to make things special. She put a lot of thought into this, it's obviously more intimate than just something to give away. She wanted us to know this is important to her as well." Dean nods.

  
"Yeah, that makes sense. I'm wondering what it is though. Makes me a little nervous honestly."

  
"Don't be nervous. You know Maddie wouldn't do anything to harm either of us."

  
"I know. Jesus, do these stairs ever end?"

  
"It hasn't been that long, Dean. She did warn us there were quite a few."

  
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Dean mumbles under his breath.  
  
  
After another minute they reach the top and see the door. They both stand on the landing and Cas sits the laptop down on the floor so he can grab the two gift bag looking things hanging from the door. Again, they're not very big. One's green with a number 1 on it, and one's blue with a number 2 on it. That's pretty self-explanatory. Dean takes the green one and Cas takes the blue one. Dean opens his first, Cas watching with interest. First, there's a note, and then there's a little box sitting in the bottom. He opens the note first and reads aloud so Cas can hear too. "Don't open the box yet! You have to wait until you're in the room. Just read this note, okay? You know that book I'm making you carry around? Go to page eleven and read the underlined definition, then come back and read the rest of this." Dean sits the bag on the floor and opens the book to page eleven. There's a definition outlined in blue ink.

  
"Ad hominem. To the person: to appeal to the feelings rather than reason." Then Dean slips the book in his back pocket and goes back to the note.

  
"I outlined that because my original idea was to make something I know you guys would like, hence the first definition I made y'all read. Make something you guys'll like. But then I got to thinking about it and I decided this made more sense. I shouldn't give you guys something I know you'll like. I should give you guys something I know you'll love, even if that thing happens to hurt. That sounds ridiculous, but bear with me. You'll understand, Dean, when you see it. You may not like it, but I know you'll love it, if that makes any kind of sense. I'm appealing to the feelings, so to speak, rather than reason. Reason tells me that you might actually kind of hate me for this, because I'm pretty sure it's going to hurt. But my heart tells me it's something that you'll love and cherish, and that's the only kind of gifts I want to give you. After you find your gift, and look at it thoroughly, I want you to open the box in the bottom of this bag. It has a note with it explaining it's use too, so no worries. I hope you like it, Dean. But more importantly, I hope you love it. And I love you. Don't forget. Maddie." Dean swallows. Shit. Now he's really kind of worried. He looks at Cas who looks a little anxious too.  


"Go ahead and open your bag, dude. Let's see what we got. Read it out loud so I can hear." Cas nods and opens his bag. He pulls out a scrap of folded paper too. He opens it and starts reading.

  
"Hey Cas. Okay, so first, nobody's seen this room yet except me yet. Gabriel helped me get stuff for it since he can actually leave the bunker undetected, but he has no idea what I'm doing with it. You'll be the first to see this. That's only fair since it's meant for you. I made this with you in mind, and I hope the room reflects that. This whole room belongs to you. I hope you can see what I've reflected into it, and the reason I chose this room. I hope it's something you'll love and enjoy. It'll make more sense when you see it, I promise. Okay guys, it's time to go in now. Get your key, Cas. Stick it in the lock, and turn the knob. I really hope you like it. Maddie. P.S. you can turn off the music now. It'll just be a distraction anyway."  
  
  
Cas swallows and looks up with big eyes. They're excited and nervous at the same time. This is going to be either really good or maybe bad. Dean hands him the key and takes the bag from him before picking up Maddie's laptop so he can carry that in too. He clicks the music off and sits the bags on the keyboard. They're not heavy, not even his with a box in it, so they don't press the keys down. Cas looks at the key a moment before sticking it in the lock and turning it. It does so quietly and he takes a deep breath before turning the knob and pushing the door open.  
  
  
  



	44. Alright, Darling. Are You Ready?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> angst, I guess? Whoo, fucking plot twist. Hehehe. Sorry for the wait, and also for any lingering errors. I didn't have time to edit the way I normally do. I hope you enjoy anyway, and when I get my life together with reliable internet and stuff like that I'll give you more chapters and possibly an update schedule. Lol. Hope you like it!

  
"Alright, Gabe. You ready to get this started?"

  
Gabriel nods grimly and Maddie wonders if he knows what's in store. She shouldn't be in any danger, especially with Gabriel here, but she's worried as hell, honestly. Dealing with demons is never good news and she knows that Crowley is as dirty as they come. But at the same time, when she judges his emotional climate she doesn't find what you'd expect for someone who's only looking to further his own goals. You'd expect to find arrogance and greed and manipulation. She's been randomly reaching out with her gift and testing Crowley for the last three days and she hasn't sensed any of that in his emotions. He seems to genuinely like Sam and Dean. Gabriel annoys him. He has a weird thing with Cas that Maddie doesn't really know how to describe. Maybe sympathy. As weird as it has to be for a demon, the only things she's really sensed from him besides annoyance and anger is honesty and helpfulness, which is ridiculous. It's Crowley.

  
He's never honestly helpful, but that's what she's picking up. That's the only reason she decided to do this, actually. If she had sensed Crowley being the way he's supposed to be she would never have done it, regardless. But... she didn't. She thinks the cure that Sam did to him has more of a lasting effect than he cares to let on. If demons truly didn't have feelings she shouldn't feel anything from him at all. That's why the emotional bomb she threw at the redheaded bitch in the park worked so well. Demons aren't used to having any emotions at all. But Crowley doesn't follow that. Interesting, but now is not the time.

  
She brings herself back to the present and continues walking across the dewy grass of the field. They're supposed to be in a little town in southern Georgia. But then, Georgia and Kansas shouldn't be differing this much in light. It's near twilight here and getting darker by the minute. She looks up at the dark storm clouds gathered overhead and wonders if demonic activity could have anything to do with it. The boys usually look for electrical storms and stuff like that when they're hunting for random demons so yeah, probably. It doesn't matter anyway. Gabriel is standing right beside her, leading her through dark, twisted trees now, a hand grasped firmly around her elbow. She lets him guide her since he can see better than she can. These woods are dark as hell. Crowley's standing rather close on her right, and she finds the presence mildly comforting in the weirdest of ways. She thinks it's probably because no matter what, Crowley exudes that sense of power and confidence. It helps an overworryer like herself. She can't believe she's actually doing this. She hopes Dean and Cas are keeping themselves distracted with her little gifts. Well, big gifts.

  
They come to an opening in the trees and Maddie knows it's time for her to do her job. The warehouse at the base of the hill is warded against everything known to man, apparently. Crowley can't get in, nor do his abilities extend in there. Even Gabriel is useless to get in. That's why Crowley needs a human. Maddie can tell him who's human, how many demons, any angels, yada yada. He'll know what to do with the information. She's just here to do a job. She sits down on the ground, cross-legged. Gabriel helps lower her to the ground. Ever since she conceived he's been oddly caring about things like that. It's weird, and honestly, a little much, but she thinks he's probably trying to make up about what happened. Not that he really needs to, but she hasn't told him that yet. Crowley starts talking.  
  
  
"Alright, darling. Are you ready?" Maddie nods.

  
"Yeah. But keep your emotions to yourselves, guys. If you're right I'm going to have enough to deal with as it is." Gabriel looks so grim that Maddie has dread twisting in her stomach but she feels the background buzzing of his emotions recede from her mind, and Crowley shuts down like a government facility in Area 51.

  
She wonders if he knows that she can read him when he's not hiding like that. Hmm. "I'll be here if you get too swamped. I won't let you go." Gabe says and she nods thankfully.

  
"I appreciate that."  
  
  
His mouth twists into a small smile and she ignores how off it looks for the moment. She has to get this done. She's going to be opening herself up very widely. If Gabriel were not here to protect her she would never even attempt it. She's too vulnerable. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. She's not in any real rush so she lets her mind clear as she normally would. Slowly, but efficiently. She takes another deep breath and slowly starts letting her massive mental walls down. She reaches out, searching and find the hub immediately. It's like plunging into a swirling storm or being tossed into a writhing ocean in the middle of a hurricane. The building is a smorgasbord for emotions right now. She speaks out loud without really being aware of it, transmitting information while consciously delving through hoards of emotions and non-emotions, as it were since demons are more like buzzing black holes in the air.

  
"Thirteen demons with vessels. Four unpossessed humans. Four angels..." She hears Crowley's voice faintly, it's tinny, like he's far away, but she can hear it whispering in the depths of her mind too.

  
"What else, darling? Who are the angels? The humans?" Maddie doesn't respond, just widens her mental range. She focuses on the humans since they're easiest.

  
"The humans... Two men, two women. Young probably. Three scared out of their wits. Fourth is... arrogant. Ulterior motives. Greedy. The women are worried. And scared. Guilty. Second thoughts. So full of fear... Third guy is less scared. He's stupid. Scared, but sure. He doesn't understand what they're doing. He's... unworthy. Useless. Knows he's a pawn. They all are." Maddie shakes her head, trying to ignore the guy's feelings. They're dark. She focuses on the angels now. They're more logical, so maybe they're actually easier to read than humans. Humans think and feel so much it's like being caught in a tidal wave after you delve into their minds. She focuses in on the bright emotions and starts sorting through them, trying to get them to make sense in English.

  
"Angels... Three male vessels, one female. I can hear them. The people are not sleeping. They're scared. Trapped. They-" Maddie's voice breaks off and distantly she feels a hand on her shoulder. "Don't focus on the people in the vessels. What about the angels?"

  
Gabriel's voice is just like Crowley's. Far away, and yet in her mind, whispering. She forces herself to ignore the screaming humans trapped by angelic grace and moves her focus to the angels occupying the bodies.

  
"Powerful. Though, two are doubting. Very doubtful... that this is a good idea. Arrogance. A lot of arrogance from all of them. One... Wait... There's something... new. Someone. They were hidden somehow, but now... She's... Give me your hands." She dimly recognizes how hard her voice came out. An order. She's ordering around the King of Hell and an archangel. She'd probably be dead if she were anybody else. Gabriel's hand is warm in her left, and after a moment she feels Crowley's cold palm slide smoothly against hers, linking their fingers together.

  
"Help me... project. I have the power, I just can't... transmit it." She struggles to find the words, but it seems to work. She feels grace and demon mojo whirring together in her mind and with everything else it's enough to send her spinning. The only thing keeping her anchored right now is their hands. She feels their powers move with hers, linking their gifts together. She learns something new after a moment. Crowley and Gabe can both read minds. The wards prevent them from using that, but with their gifts wrapped intricately with her very human ones, she can now catch snatches of thoughts. And most importantly, names.

  
"Anaiyiel. Jelendiel. Joseph Ames. Lyndsey Black. Jegudiel's there. Matt Richards. Balandriel. Azrael. Human, Heather Something. More demons. Names... Name of vessel. Linda... Worked under Abaddon. The new human, Lorr... Lor... Boo?" Maddie says in a choked whisper. She can hear the little murmur of the voice in her mind. She'd know it anywhere.

  
_'said Maddie was in danger... here to protect her... the hell are these things... why the fuck did I ever listen to them... where's Malynne?'_ She keeps these to herself.

  
Maddie swallows her tears and confusion and starts looking around the room again, trying to figure out what's going on.

  
"Gonna use her as bait... Don't even know we have her... Have to draw her out. Winchesters won't fall for it... Overtake Crowley... New king. Have to get this plan in action. Waited long enough. Can't kill her yet. Need her. Use the humans as bait."  
  
  
Maddie's crying now. She tries to choke them back, but it's useless so she lets them stream down her cheeks silently as she continues to study the room. She stops paraphrasing. She goes silent and starts sorting through the new pieces of information. She keeps it up for a long time. The demons are arguing with the angels. What do the angels even have to do with this? She has to find out everything she can. She feels like it's only been a few minutes, but her body is telling her it's been much longer than that.

  
"Come on, Mads. You have to stop. You're in too deep." She hears Gabriel very, very faintly. It takes her a moment but she recognizes that he's right. She hates to do it but she starts pulling herself out of the room and retreating back into her mind. It takes a long time. She'd emersed herself more fully than she thought she had trying to find so much information. She compartmentalizes her pain as best she can. She's not even fully back in herself before she passes out.

  
~Crowley~

  
He watches with interest as Madelynne collapses onto the dirt, the angel not even being fast enough to catch her. She's strong for a human. She disconnected and let her mind be immersed in demons for over twenty minutes. That's extraordinary. He feels a small pang of sympathy for the human. She's trying. He sighs lightly. Human feelings are annoying but they've been accompanying him since that bloody moose tried to cure him. The archangel looks down at Madelynne with an exhausted expression. Crowley sighs and moves without thinking about it too much. He's just assisting like he promised to do. If something happens to the precious humans the lumberjacks will find a way to skin him. That's what he tells himself anyway. He slides his hands under Madelynne's limp body and lifts her effortlessly. She almost seems like a corpse for all the movement there is from her. Her head, adorned with a long brown braid, hangs prettily against his arm, draping down towards the ground. The stirring of attraction he feels is as unwelcome as the rest of his feelings, but he'll get used to it with time, much as he despises that particular sentence. Crowley stands and the archangel follows wearily. Crowley gets accosted with a look of pure confusion and some aggression.  
  
  
"Why are you doing this?"

  
"Because my kingdom is being overthrown. And I like being king. Something in the blood, you know? All that power. Suits me well, I think. Why are you doing this?" Crowley throws back. The angel sighs and looks over at the girl hanging limply in Crowley's arms.  
  
  
"She matters. To me and to the Winchesters. Yeah, you're being fired, but what's all this? You willingly picked up a human. Something you're leaving out of the picture, Crowley?" Crowley snorts and starts walking away. The archangel follows near silently. "It's King Crowley to you."

  
"I wouldn't bet on it." Crowley rolls his eyes and the human in his arms starts stirring. She twists a little and he considers for a brief moment of dropping her onto her feet and forcing her to walk but decides against it. Her eyes flutter open and he sees that they're an intriguing shade of grey and green. Almost like sea glass.

  
"Cr- Crowley." He smirks. "Yes, darling?" Her eyebrows bunch together in a cute, confused expression. He nearly curses when he realizes what he just thought.

  
"Th - ank you." And then she's gone again, slipping under the heavy weight of her exhausted consciousness. How very interesting. Few things surprise him. The Winchesters have a couple of times. And Castiel too with the dog blood and all. But humans? They rarely, if ever, surprise him. This one, however, makes a habit of it. They reach the clearing quickly. Crowley's loathe to use Angel Air but he doesn't have a choice unless he wants the bloody bastards attempting to overthrow him to know he was here. Gabriel puts a finger to his head and Crowley's face shifts to distaste but he accepts the touch and with a flap of wings they're at the bunker. The Winchester's hideaway. How bloody wonderful.

  
  
~Dean~

  
  
Holy shit. Dean follows Cas inside the room and gapes. It's so light. There are light wood panels all along the walls and the room has windows all along the left-hand wall and thin autumn sunlight is streaming in and reflecting off the warm, but pale wood. It looks like maple, maybe. The windows go from about midway all the way up to the ceiling. The must be up near the roof. There's six of them, and they're huge. He can see symbols and sigils carved around every pane, and he recognizes them as warding for every damn thing out there that can be warded. Symbols for protection and hiding among many others. On the wall directly in front of the door is a long table, it looks like a work table. There's a padded bench sitting in front of it. There are vases and jars set out, and they're full of art supplies, weirdly enough.

  
There are paintbrushes and pencils, and Dean sees an easel leaning against the wall and one of those little hand things that you see fancy french painters with little mustaches and berets holding in cartoons and stuff but he's never seen one in real life. It looks like a plate with a hole in it and little indentations for the paint. There's a shelf bracketed to the wall and it's filled with a bunch of sketchbooks that Dean would bet his bottom dollar on them being blank and ready to use. Dean peeks around the door and sees a little bookshelf sitting in the corner. Examining it closer he sees books about gardening and bees and painting techniques and how to use charcoal as-a-medium books. Stuff that Cas'll definitely get a kick out of. Dean didn't even know this room existed. He wonders how Maddie found the room. It's amazing. He turns back to Cas who is spinning in a slow circle, mouth agape. His eyes reach Dean's and they're full of wonder.

  
"This is amazing. She did all of this for me... I can't understand... This is so much." Cas looks around again and as he does Dean spots a little metal cabinet in the far right-hand corner. There's another table by it, and it's a metal table instead of a wooden one, which is a little weird, but it kind of goes together he guesses. There's a large black book sitting on it which he's curious about but he can wait on that for a minute. Directly to Dean's right from where he's standing in the doorway is two red armchairs that have to be dated back to the forties or so but they're in good condition if looking a little funky. There's a floor lamp in between them and a little round table sitting in between them. Holy crap. This really is awesome. She put a shit ton of work into this. Dean spots a white piece of paper sitting on the work table and he steps forward to grab it, crossing the room in about ten strides. It's a big room, really. He sits the laptop and the bags down and picks it up.

  
"Hey, Cas. There's another paper for you." He hands it to him and Cas takes it with slightly shaky hands. He reads it out loud in a breathy voice.

  
"I made you an art room, Cas. It's also for reading, and bird watching, which is something I know you like to do anyway. It has lots of natural light for painting and drawing. I tried to shape the dusty abandoned room I found into something that you'll use and like using. There are books too, because who can resist books? I really hope you like this, Cas. I hope that in this way, you can use your hands to create things you love to see. You're good, Castiel. I know sometimes you struggle with the weight of past mistakes, and I made this room in a hope that I can remind you that there's always a future. This is a room for creation. For hope, and joy, and passion, and love, and levity. A room for peace and contentment. I hope that you see it the way I do. I love you, Cas. Maddie."

  
Cas takes a heavy sigh and looks around again, this time with tears in his eyes. "We truly have an amazing person." He murmurs. Dean agrees. "Yeah, we definitely do." Dean goes over and hugs him tightly. After a moment they release and Cas walks unsteadily over to the bookshelf and squats to scan the titles. Dean goes over to the metal work table. Maddie said she made something for him too, maybe this big black book is it. There's an envelope with his name on it lying above the book so he's gonna go with a yes on that one.

  
"Hey Cas, look."

  
Dean holds up the envelope and Cas comes to join him at the work table. Dean opens the white envelope and pulls out the slip of paper.

  
He reads aloud, "Dean, I'm hoping you actually like this and don't get mad at me. You know I've watched Supernatural for years, and basically, watched you guys for years. Granted, the two universes are not synonymous, they're close enough. Before I met you - the real you - I thought about you a lot. Everything you've gone through. Everything that's happened. The constant undercurrent in Supernatural is loss. You've lost so many people. You lost your chance for a home at four years old and were thrust into an evil world moving at hyper speed and you haven't stopped. Along the way, you've lost important moments. Moments that should've been captured but couldn't be. Well, I wanted to give some of them back. I did that the only way I know how. I'm hoping beyond hope you like it, Dean. The process of making it for you was an emotional one on levels even the empath doesn't completely understand. I can say this - I understand that loss. Never having a validation of your past. Nothing to look at to remind you of what happened. I've always wished we had more pictures of when I was younger. So... I'm hoping to give you the same thing. Because I believe you may need it worse than I do. I hope you like it, Dean. I love you. Maddie."

  
Dean looks up at Cas with worried eyes. He's not entirely sure he wants to look into the black book. Fuck. Cas places a hand on his shoulder and says, "She would not blame you if you didn't want to look."

  
  
Dean shakes his head. No. He has to look. He can't back out of it. Maddie did this for him and he needs to look. He wants to see. He silently sets the paper down and picks the book up. It's heavy, the pages look thick. The cover of the black book is rough, almost burlap-ish or something like that. He runs his fingertips over it then slowly thumbs the cover. He takes a deep breath and opens the book. As the first page fills his senses, he gasps. There's a photo-real drawing of a baby Sammy staring up at him. Maddie's pencil marks aren't smudged at all. The baby Sammy drawn on the page is laughing - Dean can almost hear the giggle - with his mouth is open. He doesn't even have teeth yet, and his eyes are bright and shining with mirth. It looks so damn real. He runs his thumb slowly over the corner of the page, taking it in. Cas is hovering next to him, looking at the page in awe just like Dean is. He takes another deep breath then turns the page. Mom.

  
  
She's sitting on the porch steps of their old house. A toddler Dean is sitting next to her, and she's got a pregnant belly. They're smiling at a fluffy dandelion Dean has clutched in his chubby fist. Dean feels his eyes prickle and turns the page with a careful clarity, trying to prepare for anything. The next one is Mom and Dad standing by the kitchen sink and John has his hands pressed over her belly in a universal "Mommy's pregnant" gesture. He turns the page hastily and is surprised by the sudden change. Bobby's house. He and Sammy are teenagers, probably sometime when Dad dropped them off or something.  
  
  
They're sitting at the table and Dean's digging into a sandwich like he always does, and Sam is rolling his eyes while Bobby leans against the counter smiling fondly. It just looks so damn real. Probably something that's happened tens of times. He smiles at it faintly. He doesn't really have pictures of Bobby. The old man didn't like cameras much. He starts flipping through the pages, his eyes going glassy a couple of times. Fuck, this must've taken Maddie forever to put together. The love put into all these drawings is insane. There's lots of pictures of his mom. Probably because they don't really have any. There's pictures of Ellen and Ash and Jo at the bar in the Roadhouse and they look happy. It makes Dean smile. The next one makes his chest hurt. It's him and Charlie sitting on Dean's bed eating popcorn with Sam sitting in the chair by the bed. They're watching tv or something. Fuck... Charlie. He sits the book on the table and scrubs his eyes roughly.  
  
  
He hates this. Cas rubs his hand over Dean's shoulder soothingly and looks over at him with understanding eyes. Dean shakes his head. He's going to finish looking at this.  
  
  



	45. And She Screamed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS OUT THE YIN YANG::: Some Non-Con, in a way. Some shaming, some name calling such as 'slut' if that gets anybody. Some mind-fuckery, in a way.
> 
> SPOILERS:::: Some kidnapping, some stabbing, some blood, some death; but it's only for a minute, but it's kinda graphic. Also... Demon Sam. Yeah... Sorry?::::
> 
> Y'all are gonna kill me. *winces* 
> 
> I'M SORRY
> 
> Oh, but also, and this is spoilery as hell so if you don't wanna know, stop now lol: There are NO more child deaths. Okay? I did not, and I can guarantee you, will not, kill that little angel baby. It's gonna be too cute and cuddly, and I'm not a monster, you know?
> 
> Hope you like it! *runs in terror*

  
The next pages reveal more moments that Dean had almost forgotten about, honestly. There's him and Sammy swinging in a park, Sam looks about six or so. Then there's one of him and Cas sitting on separate park benches, staring off at some distant kids playing. Dean recognizes that as an actual memory. That was a little after he and Cas had first met. Right after Dean had failed to kill the witch and had broken a seal. Cas had kind of surprised him by telling him that he had doubts, that he wasn't a hammer. Dean shakes himself out of the old memories and turns the page. There's a picture of Cassie and him and Sam standing together, smiling at the imaginary camera. It almost looks like somebody caught a candid moment by calling their names and they turned around or something. He hasn't thought about Cassie in forever.  
  
Then there's a picture of Gabe sitting in a diner. Agh, Dean recognizes that place. That was the Tuesday Diner. The next few pages are of him and Sam in the Impala. There's one with Cas in it, looking serious in the back seat, staring out the window.

The few after that surprise him. There's one of Benny, smiling and wearing that weird little black hat, his scruff thick on his happy face and his eyes twinkling. That sends a pang of bittersweet sadness through him. Then Kevin and Mrs. Tran. Dean smiles a little at that. Tiger Lady sure was feisty. Then there's one of Ellen with her arm wrapped around Jo's shoulders, both of them smiling broadly. Ellen's even showing teeth! Then there's Jody Mills and Donna, both of them looking happy sitting in the front seat of a police cruiser. There's even a picture of Bobby smiling and looking like he just rolled his eyes. Dean wishes he actually could've seen them all like this. Happy and smiling. They rarely had any time to sit and enjoy simple things, so smiles and laughter were a bit of a rarity, especially anywhere near a camera. There was always an apocalypse around the corner or a huge problem with some angel dicks, or let's not forget the leviathans.  
  
Dean's not one for self-pity. Self-loathing? Yeah. But pity? Nope. His life is what it is and that's the way it's always been. Just suck it up and move on. It had been burned into his mind from a very young age. You can either roll over and die, or you can keep fightin'. No matter what.

He's done his best to keep fighting. He sighs and turns to the next page, surprised to see black brackets holding in an actual printed photo in full color. It's him and Cas on the couch, probably watching some movie. Cas is snuggled into Dean's chest, and they're both looking at the tv. He has no idea when that was taken. There's small blue handwriting under the photo and he squints to read it. _'Dean and Cas. They've no idea I took it. They're cute together.'_ Then Maddie drew a smiley face. How the hell did she get that? The next few pages are full of pictures of them all. Maddie must be very sneaky to have been able to catch the shots she did. There's Sam in the kitchen drinking coffee, smiling faintly over the rim of his cup. Then Gabriel and Cas sitting in the library reading something on the table, both standing and perched on the tabletop. Then there's Dean with his mouth stuffed full of what has to be pie, his eyes closed and head tipped back.  
  
When did she even catch that? He has no idea. The next page is blank except for a small note folded over twice and slid into the binding so it didn't fall out. He sits the book down and opens the note, Cas making a curious noise beside his shoulder. He reads it then hands it to Cas to read.

  
_'I hope you liked it, Dean. And I hope you like the next gift too. You guys have never been able to capture your past, and the present is usually flying by so fast it's ridiculous. I don't want us, any of us, to lose any more moments. We should all have something happy to look back on. Especially you, Dean. You deserve all the happiness in the world. My gift will help you capture those precious moments, and yes, you can roll your eyes at those words, and keep them. This is a scrapbook, a keepsake, and a photo album. A memento. I hope you liked it. Your gift is in the metal cabinet by the table. Maddie.'_

  
Dean's pretty sure he knows what it is, and he's right. When he pulls open the metal door there's a photographer's camera sitting there on the shelf, attached strap and all. He pulls it out carefully, a little afraid he's going to break the delicate machinery. Maddie seriously thought this out, but there's one thing missing from her little scrapbook of memories. There's not a single picture of Maddie in there.

  
  
~Maddie~  
~October 15th~

  
  
She wakes up to the sour smell of whiskey and gags immediately, her eyes popping open and she pulls away from the smell, falling violently to the floor. Maddie takes a deep (clean) breath of air and pushes herself up onto her hands and knees, then sits back against the wall. She's in the living room and she just fell off the couch. Crowley's sitting in the end of it holding a glass of scotch. He blinks at her with eyebrows raised, seemingly surprised with his smirk gone for once. Maddie tries to slow her breathing as she pulls her knees up to her chest. Where is everyone? Why would she be left alone with Crowley? Not that that's a huge deal, but she didn't think Gabriel would do that. She can't really think right now. Her mind feels like it's been dipped in molasses. She's trying to remember... Boo. That's what it was. Boo's alive. No, she's not, either. Maddie can't believe that. She _felt it_ when Retta died. She's not alive. It's some sort of trick. It has to be. But those thoughts were real. They were from Boo. Maddie knows that in her heart. But it can't be Boo. It just can't be. Maddie felt it when she died like it was her own death. It's not real. It's not re- "Maddie!"

Maddie's eyes snapped up. Gabriel is squatting in front of her and peering at her with worried eyes. He lays a hand to her cheek and she feels grace pulse through her warmly. The little buzz behind her belly reacted strongly and she feels for a moment that she might be sick, but it subsides. She dimly notices Dean and Cas hovering by the back of the couch. There's only one person missing. "Guys..." Her voice is raspy and her throat feels raw. Dean surges forward and squats by her. She grasps his arm roughly, her fingers digging into his flesh. "Gabe told us what happened, Maddie, you need-" She shakes her head violently. "Not about that. I need - I need..."

"What?" Cas asks. She swallows thickly. "Close down your emotions. I have to... To check something. I can't... Can't deal with all of that right now... It's important." She's exhausted. She needs to start using her gift instead of locking it away all the time for privacy's sake.  
  
"Maddie, you need to rest," Gabe says, but Maddie shakes her head. "No. I have to. _Jesus_... Just, please?" They all share looks, Crowley just looks amused, but he nods too. After a few moments she opens herself up tentatively, careful so that she doesn't get swamped with shit. Thankfully, it's blessed silence on the emotions front. She sighs a breath of relief and closes her eyes, trying to focus. "Gabe, com'ere," she murmurs and holds her hand out, palm up. He puts his hand to hers and she says, "Listen. Sam...had... black eyes."

Maddie reaches out with her gift for Sam and finds the angry buzz of emotions after a minute. There's so much pain, and there's anger and sorrow and aggression. But mostly there's hate. Pure hate. She hears Gabriel gasp, "Sam" and then he's gone with a whoosh of wings. She doesn't even open her eyes. "Go." She says to everyone. She hears scrambling, and the heat moves from her side. She slumps against the wall, breathing slowly, tuning everything out. She can't handle it right now. She hears shuffles over to her right and she snaps her eyes open, only seeing a blurry, watery figure that she can't make out.  
  
"Who-" Nothing else comes out, but it doesn't need to. There's a thump to her right and then solid arms are surrounding her. She breathes in and lets out a small sigh of relief. It's Cas. He picks her up and moves her to where she's sitting in his lap and leaning back against him. He wraps his arms around her and she nestles her face into his neck, just breathing.

"He'll be okay." Maddie nods weakly. He probably will. She really can't stand the thought that he wouldn't be. "You'll be okay." She feels Cas's lips at her temple and the touch warms her. She likes the affection. She just feels so damned heavy and hazy. "You... okay, Cas?" She can feel the vibrations in his chest as he starts talking. "Yes. I'm alright. Things could be better." She nodded her assent. He shifts her slightly and now she's leaning more heavily into him.  
  
"Sleep, Maddie. I have you. You'll be safe. When you wake we have to talk so rest while you can, honeybee." Maddie smiles softly and murmurs, "Hon'bee?" She can hear the smile in Cas's voice. "Dean calls you sweetheart, he calls me babe. I don't call either of you anything besides your name. I wanted to try it. Is it okay?"

"'S Perfect, Cas." If Cas says anything else after that she doesn't hear. She passes out cradled to Cas's chest and trusts him to keep her safe. Distantly, there's a scream echoing through the bunker.

  
~Dean~

  
Dean hears the word 'black eyes' in relation to Sam and starts freaking out. When Gabriel flies off it gets worse, and then when Maddie looks exhausted enough to pass out and utters the word 'Go' Dean loses all semblance of control. What the fuck is wrong with Sam? Dean scrambles out of the room, Crowley with him, weirdly enough. He hears Gabriel's voice in his mind, **'Sam's room!'** Dean rushes, running at a full out sprint in a way that leaves him gasping when he slides in front of Sam's door and wrenches it open, only belatedly realizing he doesn't have a weapon with him. Gabriel's standing by Sam's bed and Sam is standing on the other side holding a... knife to his own throat? The metal glints in the light and Dean can see a pearl of blood escape from where the tip is pressing into his flesh.  
  
Crowley's snide voice speaks up behind him, "Well, what's this? Finally decided to kick the bucket, did we, Moose?"  
  
Gabriel's eyes glow gold with rage. He snaps his fingers and Crowley's gone. Dean doesn't even think about it for the moment. "Sammy?" Dean asks, and his little brother's eyes flick up to him, full of hatred. "Sammy was a chubby twelve-year-old. I've told you, Dean. It's Sam now. Why don't you respect me?" Respect him? Jesus, that's been their thing for... _for years_. It has nothing to do with respect, it's just a given that Dean does that...

"Sam, what are you doing? What's going on?" Gabriel asks. He sounds ridiculously timid and Dean's scared. His brother is threatening to kill himself? Dean rears back when Sam's eyes go black. Demon. How the hell did a demon get into Sam? He has an anti-possession tattoo. Dean growls. "Get out of him, bitch."

"That's where you're wrong, Dean. It's just me in here. All meeee," Sam nearly sang and Dean wanted to vomit. That couldn't possibly be true. It didn't make sense. Then something occurred to him. Something that had happened weeks ago. "Gabe, look at his soul."  
  
He saw how Gabriel focused, how his eyes narrowed, and the sharp intake of breath told him all he needed to know before his soft curse did. _"Oh, Father."_ Dean's not sure which of them move first but they both lunge and crash into Sam, trying to wrestle the knife away. He hears a scream, and he's not sure whether it's him or Sam, or Gabe. A ham-sized fist slams into his temple and his vision wavers but he manages to stay conscious. Then another hit lands and he's gone, descending into blackness instantly.

  
~Castiel~  
~October 15th~

  
  
Castiel holds Maddie in his arms, still sitting on the floor. She's so sweet like this. Rather like a child, her hand clutched into the collar of his shirt, a habit that she hasn't grown out of yet even after the weeks of being here. He doesn't mind in the least, honestly. When he hears the scream, he flinches.  
  
He hopes that's going okay but he's not leaving Maddie. She's vulnerable right now, and for some reason, that seems very important. Just then the hair on the back of his neck stands up and goosebumps run down in his arms. Trusting his instincts, he rearranges Maddie bridal style and stands up before laying her on the couch. She doesn't stir. He bends down to grab the weapon he knows Dean has duct taped to the bottom of the coffee table because he'll feel safer with it in his hand but his fingers don't reach it before he hears a loud whoosh and then he's being grabbed around the neck and thrown across the room to crash into a table. The wood splinters and he's lucky he didn't get stabbed. He opens his eyes to see two men standing over Maddie, smirking. One of them looks up, grins, and raises his fingers in a childish wave, saying 'Toodle-oo' before they disappear with a snap.  
  
Maddie's gone. Castiel starts shaking. He tries to stand but finds that he can't. Something's wrong with his ankle. Something inside him breaks as he realizes what just happened in its entirety. Maddie's gone. He throws his head back to wail for Dean but a hand clasps over his mouth and his eyes pop open, to find a woman with short black hair spiked around her head and a lip ring. "I don't think so, sweetie. You thought we were leaving you?" The demon smiles widely and Castiel tries to scream but they're gone from the bunker before he can even summon the breath.

  
~Dean~  
~October 15th~

  
He wakes to rough shaking and is immediately alert, his memories of the incident with Sam on the forefront of his mind. He sits up immediately, looking around. Gabe was the one shaking him awake. He looks pale and shaken. Sam's lying on his bed, apparently asleep. Dean gets up out of the floor, his head rushing a little bit as he stands but he doesn't sway. "What happened?" He roughly asks Gabe, who flinches at his words. He flinched? Why?  
  
"Gabe? Is Sam okay?" Dean goes over to his little brother, checking him over. He seems fine. The cut on his neck is healed and everything. He turns back to face the archangel.  
  
_"Gabriel."_   Gabe's hands are shaking and he looks away from Dean. "Sam's fine," He says softly. "The uh, the demonic shadow that was left on M-Maddster- That Cassie had to get off her, it uh, it didn't die. It was apparently extremely weak, and it latched onto the most vulnerable thing it could find. Sam's soul. It's been growing, I guess, and it uh, affected him. He's okay now. It's gone for good now." Dean nods along understanding. "If Sam's fine why do you look like somebody just killed your puppy?"  
  
Gabe winces and worry pits itself in his stomach. "They... While you were out... Demons got Maddie and Cas. They've been taken." Dean's world freezes, literally. He can't process what Gabe just said. No. No, that can't be right. Maddie and Cas are in the living room where he... Where Dean left them when he went running off to Sam. Left them there alone. It hits then. Rage rises up within him with a force that hurts. Sorrow follows, and fear. Wet, naked fear that he might lose them. Closing his eyes he summons the herculean strength it takes to push everything threatening to swallow him down and into a box. He can't deal with that right now. He has to know what happened. He has to find them. His voice is harsh and grating as he opens his eyes and pins Gabriel with his gaze. "How did they get in?"

"I'm not sure. The wards on the bunker were severed somehow. I'm... I think Sam helped." Gabe seems surprised that Dean's not raging but Dean couldn't care less, honestly. He takes in the new information with a nod, determined to figure that out soon, but something in him hardens. Of course Sam helped. For right now, they're not safe here. "Ward it again. I don't care what you use or how you do it, fix it."  
  
Gabriel surprisingly doesn't question the order just flits away, leaving Dean with Sam, sleeping apparently peacefully on the bed. Dean stalks to the head of it again, staring down at his brother with a newfound hate. It's something he's felt from time to time. Every sibling does. At this moment, right in this second, Dean could kill Sam and not feel regret. That's not what he does though. What he does is draws his right arm back and punches Sam right in the face, bloodying his nose and busting his lip.  
  
"What the fuck did you do?!" He screams at him. Dean has to stop himself from doing more. It takes everything he has to walk away from the still unconscious Sam. He wants to kill him right now, in the literal sense of the word. He makes his way to the living room and has to choke back a sob when he sees the damage done there. It's nothing dramatic, but one of their little thrift store tables is broken into twisted splinters of wood on the floor. There's blood there, spattered on the floor in a small puddle. The couch cushions are slightly askew, and there's nobody here. For the moment, the bunker is entirely silent. Ten minutes later when he's still standing there staring at the bloodstain on the floor and clutching the thin vial of grace hanging around his neck he hears pained groans from Sam's room. Dean ignores them. His brother always used to be his priority, no matter what. Now? Things have changed.

  
  
~Maddie~  
~October 17th~

  
  
Maddie startles awake and looks around, immediately confused. She's sitting in the kitchen and her head was just resting on the table. What the hell is she doing in the kitchen? She wipes off the bit of drool collected at the corner of her mouth with the back of her hand. Her body feels weird and achy and she's not really sure why. Where is everybody? The bunker's deathly silent, and the lights are off, which is extremely strange in itself. Glowing above the sink is a blue light that Maddie didn't even know they had. Dread builds in her stomach and she stands up, pushing the chair back under the table by habit. She wants to investigate, but there's something stopping her. What the hell is that buzzing? It's almost like hearing something but not being able to identify what it is. She's feeling it with her gift though. Her gift. She focuses and reaches out with it, careful in case she's still messed up from reading the warehouse for so long. Thankfully her gift seems fine. Not so great though, the bunker's empty. Except for... That buzzing.

And it's coming closer. It doesn't feel like anything. Maddie pushes at it, but it's just like a swarm of wasps or something. She can feel that there are emotions there, but she can't get a read on what they are. Someone erected a thin white screen in front of them and she can only make out the vague shadows. It scares her. What the hell is going on, and where is everyone? They're not allowed to leave the bunker because of the... Maddie freezes. What if- What if something happened while she was asleep? Where's Cas? Dean? Fear races along her veins and that buzzing white noise comes even closer, making her skin crawl. She reaches into her back pocket and pulls out her mom's knife. The weight's soothing in her hand. She goes ahead and flips the blade out, the quiet click seeming to echo in the deafening silence.

Something's coming for her. She doesn't know what it is, but something's coming for her. She wants to go hide, or run, or do something, but she can't move. The feeling of dread and terror is welling inside her and freezing her muscles. She curses the fact that her reaction is not flight or fight, but freeze. She feels it coming closer, just this whited out buzz that she can't fathom coming from anything alive. It's almost here. Her heart's pounding already and her breath is coming in short pants. She hears small shuffling noises and whatever it has to be right outside the kitchen entryway. She tenses and tries to prepare herself for anything. But she's not prepared. A familiar figure cuts around the corner, moving sluggishly and almost zombielike.

"Cas?" She asks aloud, and it has no effect on him whatsoever. He starts shuffling towards her, moving like he's in a trance. He's wearing his normal t-shirt and jeans, and he looks normal except... except... _White eyes_. Terror strikes her and she starts backing away, soon reaching the sink with the hard edge of the counter digging into her lower back. He just keeps coming. He's walking by the table now and Maddie squeezes her knife tightly in her fist. "Cas, stop... _Cas!"_  
  
He's so close. His eyes are white and fogged, no irises, no pupils. Nothing. She presses herself further into the counter and then Cas closes the space between them and he's pressed right up against her. Her throat feels like it's closing and it's so hard to breathe. This is too similar to what happened with Josh. Cas doesn't smell right. This close, his smell would normally be comforting, but it smells sour. She winces away from it, trying to lean away but he just leans closer. They're nearly nose to nose now and her hearts pounding so loud in her ears that it sounds like heavy bass for a rock song. "Ooh, Madelynne..." He croons and Maddie nearly retches from the sound. Whatever this is, it isn't Cas. It's not.

"Such a pretty girl. Always so willing for us. Willing to go whatever distance for us. Just an obsessed little fangirl." Maddie's breath hitches and tears well in her eyes. Obsessed little fangirl? She's not... She's never been obsessed. She just liked Supernatural... His hands land on her hips and she flinches violently, wanting to escape.  
  
"Always so eager to please. You'd do anything for Dean. Anything for me. If I asked you to be a little slut and bend over this counter you would." His hands squeeze her flesh painfully and she whimpers and his lips quirk up in a twisted smirk. "I know you like it, little whore. You like it. Admit it. Admit that you like it, and I'll give you what you want, Madelynne." He nuzzles at her throat but she refuses to bare it for him. His erection presses into her pubic bone and she wants to throw up.

"I don't like it, and I never will. _Get off me!"_ Cas licks a long, slimy line up her neck and whispers into her ear, "Liar. I know better. You like it. If I stick my hand in your panties right now, I'd find you wet. You're soaking aren't you, little girl? You used to fantasize about sleeping with me. Sleeping with Dean, riding our cocks like a little come slut. That's how you got yourself off all those lonely nights. Obsessed little fangirl. Do anything for Deaannn." He crooned again and Maddie was seeing red. "You'd become fat with his child. Carry an abomination. Nephilim aren't meant to exist, you know. They're monsters. They only cause destruction. That's what was in that belly of yours. Not anymore though. Isn't that a relief?"

Terror wells in her. No. No, not her baby! Rage replaces the terror when the whatever the fuck it is latches it's lips to her neck and starts sucking. She remembers that she has a knife in her hand and almost swings immediately but realizes that this might be Cas's body. It might actually be Cas. She can't hurt Cas.  
  
"Little fangirl. Willing to go the distance for those you think you love. For those you think love you. You think we really love you, Madelynne? The idea's so laughable. You? You're a little girl from nowhere who dropped into our lives and started causing problems. Look at Sam. Stuck with a demonic parasite on his soul because you brought it here. Because you were weak. Poor little fangirl, can't handle big bad Daddy. Poor Mommy's dead and Daddy killed her, oh no." Her face twitches and her fists curl with rage. "Pooooor little girl, obsessed with those that'll never love her. You think Dean wanted that abomination? Of course not. Dean doesn't want kids. You're just slowing him down. Keeping him tethered with all your needs and your petty wants. He's _the Righteous Man_. He's supposed to be helping people but you're being _selfish,_ keeping him at the bunker because you neeeeed him. How many people have died because of you? How many lives lost because of your obsession?"

Maddie's stomach drops and her blood goes cold. She can't listen to this anymore. _This isn't Cas._ This is a monster. She believes that. "I'm sorry, Cas." She whispers and she pulls her arm back and slams the knife in between Cas's ribs, blood starts pouring from around the serrated blade. She pulls the knife out with a sickening slick sound and Cas rears back, his face an expression of shock and hurt. To her horror, his eyes clear of white fog and turn to their normal blue. Her heart aches with the realization of what he just did. "Cas. Cas, no." His hands clutch at the knife still in him and he stumbles back a few times, his eyes wide with hurt and surprise.

"Maddie - Why? I - I love you. I-" The words cut off into a broken, strangled sob, and blood gurgles over his lips and onto his chin in red streaks. His eyes roll up in his head and he collapses onto the floor, a pool of blood forming on the tile from the wound she made. He gasps then goes still, a final bubble of blood escaping his lips, and his eyes go dead, the light leaving them.

Maddie collapses onto the floor beside him on her knees, wailing. She drops the knife to the floor with a loud clatter in the silence and covers her face with her hands, not realizing her hand is slick with Cas's blood, tears streaming down past it. She hears a whoosh and uncovers her eyes and gasps in shock. Cas's body is gone. So is the blood on the floor and off her hand. But her knife is lying bloody on the white tile. Maddie feels like she's losing her mind. What the hell just happened? She hears footsteps just mere moments before she sees someone come around the corner. What in the almighty fuck?  
  
"Cas?" Her voice is broken and tearful. He looks fine. His eyes are blue and he looks healthy. "Maddie!" He exclaims when he sees her and rushes over to the corner where's she's sitting before thumping down onto the floor and grasping her in a quick, tight hug. "We've been looking everywhere for you. It's been days. After what happened with Sam... You disappeared. Are you okay?" He pulls away and looks at her, eyes assessing. She still hasn't said anything. His head tilts slightly and he says, "Maddie?"

"It's not you," She whispers. There's a moment where everything freezes then his face shifts into something darker and he stage whispers, "That's right, little fangirl," and she screams.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I suppose things are coming to a head, yeah? All this torturey stuff makes a girl want to read some fluff. *sigh* I hope you liked it anyway. Please don't kill me for what I did to our boys.
> 
> ALSO!!! I PASSED THE 200,000 WORD MARK!!!! HOLY CRAP GUYS!!!! 
> 
> (It finally happened Kiodragon!!! Whoooooo!!!!!)
> 
> :D


	46. Pleading of Different Kinds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like it. Warnings for blood and stabbing and arguing and insulting. It ain't pretty. Fair warning, y'all. I'm earning the angst tag, people. Boy-o, you don't even know.

  
  
**~Castiel~**  
**~October 16th~**

  
Castiel wakes up in pure darkness, he can't see anything at all. For a moment he's not even sure if his eyes _are_ open. All he can see is pure and utter blackness. Castiel takes a minute to evaluate himself. His right ankle aches and it's throbbing, as is his head. Other than that he seems mostly fine. He's hungry, which is kind of new and very uncomfortable. He hasn't had much opportunity to be hungry since he became human. He sits up and looks around. He still can't see anything. There's nothing but darkness. He puts his hand in front of his face and even though he can feel the heat off it he can't see it. Fear trickles through his veins with its sluggish awareness. He doesn't know where he is, or who took him, or if Maddie, Dean, and Gabriel and Sam are okay. He and Maddie were taken by demons. Based off how hungry he is it's been at least a day since that happened. Maddie is in terrible danger, as is he. Castiel sighs and tries to ignore the dryness of his mouth and throat. He hasn't had anything to drink either.

Where is Maddie? Where is he? Could Crowley have had something to do with it? It wouldn't be the first time they've been double-crossed by him. Castiel slides his hands along the floor, curious. He decides he has to explore so he scoots backward as much as he can and comes across a wall, which is what he was hoping for. He runs his hands along it cautiously, finding dry, dappled cement. It's rough and parts of it crumble under his hands. Not a very good cement, then. He uses the wall to push himself off the ground, carefully avoiding his ankle since he doesn't quite know what's wrong with it. If he was still a seraph he would've been able to tell exactly what was wrong, whether it was a sprain or a fracture or if it was broken. He wishes he could still heal himself. If he had his Grace he could most likely escape and find Maddie and the others. No. Castiel shakes his head at himself. He does not regret becoming human. He regrets not having his Grace in this very moment because if he had it he could be of more use.

Castiel cautiously starts making his way down the wall, finding a corner after about four feet. He continues around it, moving about five feet in that direction. Another four feet. Then he comes across a door. It has no knob on this side and no window or cracks underneath it. He can only tell it's a door because of the seam where it meets the wall. It seems to be some sort of metal. He's not sure what, but it's smooth and cold under his searching palms. He moves on with the intent to explore it further later. Just more wall. He's in a room that's about twenty square feet in total if his guess of the dimensions is correct. It's a little cold in here. Really, it's just chilly enough for Castiel to be uncomfortable, but it shouldn't be dangerous. He shouldn't have a risk of hypothermia.

The floor is stone, or perhaps smooth concrete. He's not entirely sure, and he doesn't have shoes or socks on, which is also annoying since the floor is cold. Discerning no possible means of escape at the moment, Castiel sits down in the furthest corner from the door and saves his strength for when he may need it. He sits cross-legged since it puts less stress on his ankle. As he sits his mind turns to the events that led him here. How did demons get inside the Men of Letter's bunker? It's warded beyond belief against everything it can be. And Gabriel is there. Castiel may not have his Grace any longer but Gabriel's is in full working order. He's an archangel, Heaven's most dangerous weapon. How did demons slip by him?

Sam. The answer comes to him almost immediately. Gabriel was dealing with Sam when the demons kidnapped him and Maddie. Was Sam purposefully being a distraction, or was it purely the opportunity the demons needed to make their move? There's no way to know. Castiel would like to think that Sam had nothing to do with it, but with Maddie saying he had black eyes only minutes before demons invaded the bunker Castiel can only assume the worse. Anger makes Castiel grit his teeth and clench his fists. If Sam had something to do with he and Maddie getting taken by demons he will not receive mercy from Castiel, Dean's brother or no. He now understands Dean's fierce loyalty to his family. If Sam had a hand in Maddie being hurt, Castiel is going to hurt him, Gabriel be damned. You don't mess with family.

  
**~Maddie~**  
**~October 17th~**

  
Maddie cuddles herself into the corner of the bunker's kitchen cabinets.  
  
  
  
It's not really the bunker, but that's what it looks like. Her knees are up against her chest and her forehead's pressed into them. She feels raw and abused and open. She's been using her gift to anticipate what's going to happen. She feels so open and unprotected, no mental walls or guards against anything. The only comfort she has in this place is the buzz of Grace under her navel. Her baby's still alive and inside her, regardless of what the first Fake Cas said. She can feel the little thing buzzing happily. She finally figured that out. It's Grace that she's feeling, but she can tell the difference between it being happy and being distressed now. Every time one of the copies shows up the buzzing turns a little harsher, the baby's Grace reacting negatively to her stress, she's guessing. She feels bad that she freaks the baby out so much, but she can't really help it. This situation is just so awful.

She's seen Fake Cas fifteen times since she woke up, none of them were really Cas though. She knows that's how many because after the fourth one she started marking them on the cabinet with her knife. There are fifteen marks under C, and thirteen under D. Dean's been here too. Those were beyond terrifying, almost more so than the Cas's. After five Cas's, since he came first, Maddie opened herself up so she'd know when "he" was coming. So she could be prepared. She knows now that that was a mistake. Whatever magic's on the place that she's in won't let her put mental walls back up. She has no mental protection from anything right now, and that terrifies her. Perhaps that was the goal in the beginning. To get her to use her gift. She doesn't know. Maddie doesn't know who took her, but she knows why. According to Crowley all of Hell is vying for her, wanting her power, so she can only assume that's what it's about. She's fairly useless otherwise, as far as it goes, at least by demonic standards.

Were Dean and Cas taken too? Are Sam and Gabriel okay?

She doesn't even know how she got out of the bunker, or if something got in. Did Crowley do something? Maddie doesn't think so. She didn't catch anything like that from him, and she's pretty damn positive she would've sensed it. Are Sam and Gabriel okay? What about Dean? She's not sure. She's worried about Sam. There's something wrong with him, but she doesn't know what. Hopefully, Gabriel fixed it. Her stomach rumbles hungrily but she ignores it. It wouldn't be the first time she's been this hungry.

Maddie clutches her knife to her. Right now it's the equivalent of a safety blanket. She wishes she could sleep. The last three times she's tried she's woken up with either Fake Dean or Cas latched to her neck, or sitting next to her staring lecherously. It's disgusting and makes her nauseous.

She doesn't understand the purpose of this but she thinks she might have an idea. If all this is about her gift, wouldn't the demons want to know how powerful she was? How long could she keep up using it, what all she could sense with it? It's what she would do if she was in their shoes. This is a rather sadistic way to go about it, but logically it makes sense. Besides, they're demons. They're sadistic by nature. She feels a faint buzzing enter her consciousness. Okay. Here we go again, she thinks wearily. She doesn't even bother sitting up. It'll come in its own time whether she's sitting here or standing up. By now she's learned to identify where they're coming from. This one is off to the right somewhere, about fifty feet and closing in. She can tell spacially where it is because part of her brain is picking up signals from whatever it is and transmitting them back to be understood. At least, that's the way she thinks of it. She can tell as it comes closer, and it's gotten to the point now that she can tell if they veer off to the right or the left. She's not sure how exactly, but it is what it is.

She keeps her eyes closed and waits, just feeling. She starts hearing the shuffling after a few seconds, and a few more seconds after that she hears it come around the corner. She lifts her head to look, unsurprised. This one is another Dean. Just like all the rest of the copies, he looks pretty normal with flannel and jeans except for white eyes. Sometimes their eyes are blue or green but mostly they're white. She doesn't know why. She gets to her feet wearily and looks at Fake Dean. She's tired. She's tired of nearly being raped by demonic copies of her... what? Boyfriends? That seems to juvenile a word for what they have, but whatever. Fake Dean smiles lecherously and sidles over towards her. She just sighs and grips her knife, ready and waiting. Only one of the copies so far hasn't been inherently sexual and that was one of the Dean's. He'd just been broken and sad and saying everything was her fault. That people had died because of her. Honestly, that one had hurt worse.  
  
Physical trauma has never been as bad as words for her. Thankfully there'd only been that one. The rest of them had been... aggressive. After the first Cas she'd killed she'd tried not to do that again, but eventually, she'd been forced to when the copy had her pants down around her ankles. She hadn't let the others get that far. It did not get easier. Every time she killed one their eyes changed back to normal and they told her they loved her and asked her why she did it. Then they died.

She's killed twenty-eight copies altogether. Twenty-eight times she'd killed a copy of someone she loved. She could scarcely believe it, but then... Well, Maddie had always known there was a part of her that didn't need to be touched. A hard part. In The Stand by Stephen King, Larry Underwood's mother tells him that there's something in him that's like biting on tinfoil. She's never heard it described better, honestly.

Maddie sighs deeply and waits until the new copy is pawing at her shoulders before she strikes, shoving the knife deep into the carotid artery. Blood spurts out around the knife onto her hand and the Fake Dean gasps and reels away, falling to the floor, flailing. She tries to ignore the words it says to her, but she can't. It's like Dean pleading with her.

"Maddie...Why did you do that? I love y- Mads-"  
  
  
  
Then he fell to the floor with blood burbling out of his mouth and Maddie chokes on a sob. It doesn't get any easier. She can only imagine how Cas felt when he was forced by Naomi to kill Dean hundreds of times. This is torture. She waits until the body disappears before she sits back down in the corner, drawing her knees p to her once more. The body always disappears, but the blood on her knife and on her hands never do. She doesn't know why...

She's tried escaping, but it's like a glass wall or something between her and the rest of the "bunker". The copies can pass through it but when she tries to walk through it there's nothing but a glass wall. Hmm... An idea occurs to her just then. That sounds similar to Jegudiel's magic when they were attacked in the park. Maybe there's a sigil or mark somewhere that she can desecrate and get the wall to go down. Maybe... Doesn't hurt to check, anyway...

  
**~Sam~**  
**~October 15th~**

  
Sam's face hurts and he doesn't know why. He blinks his eyes open and looks around. He's lying in his bed and Gabriel's sitting at the end of it, staring at the floor blankly.  
  
  
  
"Gabe?" His voice is rough with disuse and grates against his throat. Gabriel's eyes slowly make their way over to him and Sam's stomach plummets. What happened "Sam... What did you do?" Gabriel's voice is quiet and hard and Sam gulps. _What did he do?_  
  
"Gabe? What happened? I don't remem..." He trails off, slowly remembering. Texting the girl... Lyndsey, telling her things about the bunker and Maddie... Making the plan... Disabling the bunker's wards enough to let demons in... Helping to get Maddie and Cas taken... Sam gasps. What the hell did he do?

Gabe stands suddenly and he's glowing with golden light. His mouth is set into a thin line and his eyes are blazing. He's furious. He turns to face Sam and his fists are clenching by his side. Sam flinches away with wide eyes. The next words are blazing with righteous fury and Sam hears them in his head as well as with his ears. The pitch hurts and Sam realizes he's nearly hearing Gabriel's angelic voice.  
  
**"Samuel William Winchester, how dare you? I thought you of all people would be different. That you wouldn't make the same damn mistakes. _Again._  That you'd betray them! Betray _me._ We can't be anything. Never again. I trusted you and you served your family, _MY family,_ up on a silver platter for demons. You're nothing to me, and you never will be. Castiel was right to call you an abomination."**  
  
Gabriel glows golden and Sam sees the giant shadows of his wings behind him before he's forced to close his eyes so he isn't blinded. He hears a loud whoosh that nearly deafens him before he's hit on the shoulder with a searing pain that felt like Hellfire except it was cold. So damned cold. The agony throws him back against the bed and makes him writhe and jerk, screaming. It feels like his veins were full of magma and his bones were on fire. With a loud pop, it finally abates. Sam lays gasping for air on the mattress, his brain feeling like boiled rice. When he's finally able to look up Gabriel was gone. His heart is breaking. What happened? What the hell did he do? He would never do that to Maddie and Cas. Or to Dean... Or Gabriel.

"So you're awake." A cold voice says from the doorway. Sam's head snaps back up to look at Dean who's glaring at him coldly. Sam flinches under the glare and curls into himself.  
  
"Dean, I don't know what-" Dean holds up a hand and closes his eyes momentarily, shaking his head.  
  
"I don't want to hear it. I want you out, Sam." _Sam?_ Not Sammy? Dread and grief pound their way into his system, he feels like his stomach's plummeting and his heart's in his throat. "Out of the bunker. Out of my life."

Dean's eyes are hard but Sam can see all the pain there. "I want you gone. I've forgiven you for everything, _everything_ you've done. All the mistakes you've made. But this?" Dean shakes his head. "No. _My damned soulmates were kidnapped by demons,_ and you helped them! I'm not forgiving that!"  
  


"Y-You want me to... _leave?"_

Dean crosses his arms across his chest, still standing in the doorway. "Yes. Pack your shit, and get out. I don't care where you go. I don't want to hear from you. I don't want to see you. You better be gone in an hour. I have to go try to find a way to find _my family._ "  
  


Sam has tears in his eyes, "But Dean - I could help-"

"You've helped enough! Get out, Sam! Out of my life, and out of my home! I'm done with you! You've fucked everything up for the last time. I'm not dealing with it anymore!" Dean was vibrating and Sam was numb and shaking. He couldn't believe this was actually happening. It all felt like a dream. Dean's lips were compressed into a thin white line and Sam knew he was only a few words from getting beaten bloody. "I... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"YOU did this. Your apologies don't get them back, does it? Take it and shove it, Sam. _Get. Out._ " Sam can't even think. He just...

"O-okay, Dean... I'll leave."

"Good. And lose my number while you're at it." Dean nodded then turned and left. Sam blinked at the doorway then looked down at his hands in his lap. What has he done?

  
  
**~Crowley~  
~October 17th~**

  
  
Damned petty archangel. Crowley did not like having to teleport out of an active volcano, but then, he was playing with the angel's pet. Moose has really outdone himself this time. Which would explain why Crowley's sitting in the Winchester's bloody library telling Squirrel everything he knows about the demons that took Feathers and Bookworm. They're making a plan now. Crowley's not entirely sure how he got himself into this one, but he's definitely in. As terrible as it is, he's missed working with Dean. They just fit together.  
  
Crowley sighs deeply and rolls his eyes as Squirrel once again suggests the impossible, but lets him ramble. When he gets done with his mental breakdown, Crowley will step in with an actual plan. First, they need to find out where they are. Then the King of Hell, an archangel, and the Righteous Man are going to rain down on them like holy hell. _Literally._

  
  
**~Castiel~**  
**~October 17th~**

  
  
He is extremely hungry. He still doesn't know how long he's been in here, but it feels like a long time. The darkness is frustrating, as well as confusing. Sometimes he thinks he sees things in it, and other times it looks like there are colors just on the edge of his vision. He's explored every facet of the room but he can't find a single way to even begin trying to get out. He's sealed in. He's tried praying to Gabriel but he has no idea whether or not it works. He has no way of knowing unless Gabriel speaks to him, which he hasn't. Or maybe Castiel just can't hear him. He rubs forlornly at the stubble on his face and wishes he had been more prepared. That he'd been less trusting of Sam, and maybe Crowley. He wishes that Maddie and Dean were in his arms, rather than him here alone, torturing himself. Castiel hasn't been alone since he became human. Not truly, anyway. And especially not like this. This is his own personal brand of torture. Castiel hangs his head between his knees and thinks. _Just thinks._  
  
****

  
  
**~Gabriel~**  
**~October 15th~**  
  


  
He doesn't know if he'll regret it or not, but he doubts it. Gabriel lashed out with his wings when he learned what Sam did. He branded his soul. It was an accident, mostly. A part of him feels vindictive pride though. Now he will always carry Gabriel's mark. His words are etched into his soul. He will know pain just as Gabriel knows it. The petty, vindictive part of him celebrates that. There's another part, a secret part, that's _crying_ for Sam. Wishing to comfort, and hold, and protect. Part of Gabriel is sobbing, but the harder parts of him, his base programming, are allowing him the strength to ignore it. He's just going to ignore it. Part of what he's having trouble ignoring, however, is the way Sam's soul is _calling_ out for him. That's _hard_ to ignore.

  
  
**~Dean~**  
**~October 17th~**  
  


Sam's been gone two days and Dean doesn't think about that. He begged the King of Hell to help him find his soulmates, and he doesn't think about that. He's now pleading with Rowena, the King of Hell's mother, to help him. He doesn't think about that.

"Please, Rowena. You're the only one that can do the spell to find them. _Please_." It's his final plea. They've been going back and forth for what feels like forever and Dean's at the end of his rope. Dean feels like that rope is wrapped around his neck in a noose and the boards he's standing on are decayed and about to give in. Rowena purses her lips and Dean's heart beats faster. _Please let her say yes. Please._ "I will do it... for a price."  
  
_"Anything_ ," Dean promises.  
  
"Shall we discuss terms?" She asks cheerily.

  
  
  
  
**~Maddie~**  
**~October 18th~**  
  


The cabinets now have lots of marks on them. There's thirty-two under C, and forty-one under D. She's killed so many. Her knife is crusty with dried blood and absolutely disgusting with gore and it makes her sick, but she can't stand to put it down. She's afraid it will disappear or something.

She's so tired. She can't sleep here, but she can eat. After some exploration, she discovered that the fake kitchen actually has edible food in it and the water comes out of the tap. She's more concerned for the baby than herself. She'd been wary to try it at first, but she figured if they wanted her to die it wouldn't be from something like food poisoning or something retarded like that. They'd just kill her. It'd been a chance, but one that had paid off. She wasn't hungry now, at least. She was just exhausted.

She checked the border of the boundary she can't pass through hours ago. She's not sure how long ago it was. She didn't find anything. She's really only got one last thing that she thinks that will work, maybe. She's been thinking about it. Demons attacked Cas when he brought her over here. Why? And how'd they know? All of Hell's been in a twist since she showed up. Maybe whatever's in her was strong enough to alert them to her presence. Maybe she can use her gift to call for help. Maybe it can bypass the boundaries of magic that she can feel swirling all around. She can sense them now. The raw, abused feeling has abated some. Now her gift feels... stronger. Like a muscle that finally got used to being worked. It feels better than it did, anyway.

The magic keeping her in here is angelic in nature. It's a twisted kind of magic, she can feel the resonating Grace, but it's dark and twisted now. Not the bright light of Grace like she feels from her baby or from Gabriel, for example. It doesn't even feel like Crowley, and he's a demon. This is so much darker. Crowley at least believes in integrity. His main pursuit may be self-preservation but right now she'd bet her life that he's helping to find her, assuming he wasn't taken too or something of the like. She just knows it. Crowley, in his own weird way, has a soft spot for the boys and he helps them out when they need it. She wonders if they got taken too, but she has no way of knowing. Which makes her mind circle back to her last option. Rowena MacLeod. If she can aim her gift and project it, someone like Rowena should be able to pick it up. If nothing else, Rowena will either want Maddie on her side and try to get her anyway, or she'll alert the boys so she can get something she wants. Maddie has too much power for Rowena to ignore, she's nearly positive. She's pretty much her last hope. Maddie can only hope that it works.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, guys... Well... 1. I don't really know when my chapters started becoming so short but I'll try to remedy that in the future.  
> 2\. I'm a little spacey at the moment, so if anybody thinks I may need to add a tag or a warning or something comment and let me know and I'll fix it. 
> 
> NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FIC REALLY SO YOU MAY IGNORE IF YOU WISH:
> 
> Also, I'm not sure uh... How regular I'll be posting I guess. It sounds stupid since I post on a crazy schedule anyway, but over the last week a lot (A LOT) of shit's went down. I now have steady internet (I moved for the fourth time since I started posting this) But uh... Well... I'm just not in a good place mentally speaking. Or emotionally, I guess. I'm not sure how much writing I'm actually going to get done. Jesus... It's been bad y'all. There were cops, and custody battles, and family drama, and arguments, and moving again, this time without any of my stuff (I quite literally have a backpack) and I've been stressed beyond the max and just trying to hold it together, I guess...
> 
> For those of you, if any, have read or are reading Zippers and Ear Nibbles (If I'd known it was going to be more than a one-shot I'da named it something different) I am still writing on that and hopefully, I'll be able to get it to you guys soon. Writing sex right now is a bit hard, but I'm trying. Anyways, sorry to tell y'all this. I prob shouldn't have, but if y'all notice my writing's a bit weird or something, that's probably why. Anyways, sorry, and I hope you enjoyed the chapter.


	47. So, as in the Ways of a True Winchester, She's Going to do Something Monumentally Stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So blood and gory bits, in a weird sort of way? If you get squicked easily, be prepared. Also, this was written in an odd sort of depressed, confused haze that I'm still floundering in, so if something's off, yeah, that's why. If I ever write a book about my life it will be called Utter Chaos. Hope y'all enjoy!

  
**~Dean~**   
**~October 18th~**   
  
  


Dean paces the bunker kitchen, his mind running on overdrive. His hands shake and tremor and his eyes won't stop darting around. He came in here a little bit ago for a sandwich but then couldn't stomach anything so he threw it away and gave up on that. He's driving himself insane. He stresses, and he paces, and he searches like a fiend. Gabriel had to force him to go to sleep yesterday. Dean had refused.

They have to find Maddie and Cas. Crowley doesn't know who took them, but he thinks he has a pretty good idea. According to Crowley and Rowena, Jughead went ape and vaporized Azrael then split two days ago. Crowley seems to think that Azrael had them kidnapped, but that Jeg took over. Jughead could've gotten power hungry and decided to take them for himself but he's got to have most of Hell on his ass for it. Which means that he's hiding, which is bad news for the remainder of the bunker's inhabitants, that being him only. And that is depressing as fuck. He needs to get out of his own mind since it's so full of this shit but he can't. He has to find them first. He can't lose it before he finds them. They need him.

Dean rubs the heels of his hands into his eyes painfully because, fuck, _he needs them._

Dean stalks to the library to see if Rowena's made any progress. She's been working random magic all morning, trying to find what she calls a ping. Dean doesn't even know. Crowley's off doing God knows what, but Dean knows at least that Crowley won't stab him in the back. He's a demon, but he's got a little bit of integrity, even if he doesn't want to admit it. Rowena on the other hand, would definitely double cross him if it put her in a better place.  
  
He walks out of the hallway into the library and finds Rowena doing the typical storybook witch thing, she's standing at a table with her ridiculous black dress and red curls, and she's got her fingertips on a crystal ball, face blank. Her eyes are open but they're white and fogged with magic he doesn't even want to think about. Her skin is extraordinarily pale, something he hasn't really paid attention to before. She's got books and bowls and weird bundles of herbs all over one of the tables, and he's pretty sure there's hair burning in one of the bowls because seriously, something _stinks._

"It's not nice to stare, dear." Rowena says without opening her eyes and Dean huffs, "Find anything?"

"If I had, wouldn't I have told you?"

"Would you?" He counters, sitting down against the side of a table, one leg on the floor keeping him stable. Rowena opens her eyes and levels Dean with a disappointed look. "Of course. We made a deal didn't we?"

"I've noticed those don't really mean much to you, Rowena."

She sniffs, "Unlike my son, I do have a sense of self-preservation. I may have done certain things to-"

"Save it. You can't say-"

"Wait." Rowena's abrupt change in tone makes him stop. Her right hand is still on the crystal ball, her fingertips pressing against the glass to the point that they're white. She eyes fog again, and it's really kind of freaky. It makes his fingers itch for his gun that he's wearing at the low of his back. "What? What is it?" Dean stands.

"I sense... something. It's hard to pinpoint exactly, but - Oh! Oh, my." Rowena exclaims and her eyes pop open. She's looking over at Dean with wide eyes, but he doesn't really think they're looking at him. "There!" She sighs. Her eyes pop back to normal suddenly and she smiles at Dean, "I've found them."

  
**~Maddie~**   
**~October 19th~**

  
  
She's sitting cross-legged against the kitchen cabinets, looking out at the hallway that she can't enter. Earlier, she shoved the table, along with the chairs, to the side and she now has a clear line of sight from the floor. She can see the copies that enter better from this position. She's still marking them on the cabinets but she doesn't want to count them anymore. The number's too high. It hurts too much. Maddie chews on her thumbnail absently as she contemplates. She's been thinking about Lorretta recently. She doesn't know if the demons still have her or not. She doesn't even know who has her, much less her sister. But it's not really her sister. She actually has a theory about that.

Since the voice that rang through her mind when she was using Crowley and Gabriel's mind-reading powers was Boo's, she can only assume it was something with the same body as Boo. Her most plausible theory is that it's this dimension version of Retta. Her Retta actually died, but this one here is alive. It's possible that their situations are similar enough that this Retta actually has a sister named Madelynne. This Retta called her Malynne. Her actual sister called her Lynney. It's not a huge difference, but it's enough of one to count. The Lorretta she heard just doesn't seem right. It sounded like Boo and made her think it was Boo, but she's pretty sure it's not. She felt it when Boo died, and that still aches like a rotted tooth, so she's nearly positive that she's correct. She's still worried though. No innocent should have their head on the block because of Maddie. This all did start with her, after all.

Her and her praying... Maddie shakes her head and her hair falls into her eyes. She wishes on everything that's holy that she had a hair bow. She usually keeps one tied to her bracelets but it must've fallen off or something. Which sucks because her hair has been driving her crazy, especially after one of the Deans tried to yank her head back with a hank of it.

That had hurt like hell, actually. She'd rather be kicked in the shin, weird as that is. Having her hair pulled like that makes her think of her mom and dad and when they used to fight. Mom had bald spots even after eight years of separation. That's one thing Maddie wouldn't ever forget, she didn't think. Her mom always used to be really careful about how she put her hair up so that the bald spots didn't show. Maddie shakes her head against the thoughts and her mind returns back to her current situation. She never thought being kidnapped would be so boring. She'd give just about anything for a radio, or even a sketchbook and a pencil or something. Anything. But besides food, there's nothing in the kitchen, so she's been bored out of her mind for the last however-long-she's-been-in-here. That's another thing! How long has she been here? Without days and nights, the kitchen lights never go off, her circadian rhythm's all messed up so she actually has no idea how long it's been since she got here. She does know that a coffee can does not make the best option for a toilet, but you do what you gotta do. At least the lid shuts, she thinks with a small chuckle. There've been worse situations.

Her nose wrinkles as her mind brings her back to memories of a blacked out bathroom full of damp laundry and the stench of maggots. Maddie feels nauseous just thinking about it. Bleck. Maddie shifts her feet and crosses her ankles. Jesus, she's going to get fat just sitting around eating like this. On the plus side of things, she did finally learn how to french braid her own hair. She's never had the time to sit down and figure it out before but she has all the time in the world now. Presumably, anyway. She could die two minutes from now, but either way...

Maddie's recently became aware of something buzzing in the background of her consciousness sometimes. It's interesting actually because it feels like Grace buzzing around the "kitchen." Perhaps it's sleep deprivation, but she feels really clear right now. Very sharp. The Grace that she's feeling isn't familiar. It doesn't have the warm tingling that Gabe's does. It's colder. More distant and unfamiliar. This feels dark. Shadowed, and tattered. She thinks it's Jegudiel. She doesn't really know why, since there were a lot of angels involved in this whole mess, but that's what it feels like. It feels... sympathetic. Maddie can't really put it into words, but the feelings she's getting from the Grace isn't angry or vengeful or evil, it's sympathetic. She can just tell. It seems sad. And melancholy, really. Almost... sorry. Perhaps Jegudiel can help. Maybe he was coerced. So, as in the ways of a true Winchester, she's going to do something monumentally stupid. She's going to pray to Jegudiel and see if he answers.

_'I pray to the angel Jegudiel. This is Madelynne Winchester. If you are here, would you show yourself, please?'_

There, it's done now. No going back. She's so going to regret this. On a random note, she likes saying Winchester instead of Walker. It sounds better, she thinks. Maddie stills when she feels the buzzing just outside her range of hearing increase, then _'pop'._ A thin, brown-skinned man with a short, curly, black beard appears behind the wall.  
  
  
  
He's tall and barefooted. He's got on tattered jeans and a faded-to-the-point-that-it's-almost-pink red t-shirt on. It has a yellow peace sign on, which she finds ironic. The angel Jegudiel. Maddie doesn't bother standing up she just looks at him from her spot on the floor. He doesn't really look like how she expected him to, but then, people rarely do. He looks like he's about twenty-three. Or his vessel does, anyway. Maddie doesn't really know what to do in this situation so she just kind of gives him a wave. He tilts his head before stepping forward. When he hazes through the wall that she can't get through, the buzzing of Grace increases to the point that it's almost uncomfortable. She can feel it almost like it's vibrating her bones out of place. Whatever else he is besides an angel, he's very powerful.

"Well, hi." She says and the angel comes closer. He stands by the table, looking uncomfortable. Maddie doesn't know why. He gestures to the floor beside her and asks in a deep voice, "May I sit with you?"

Maddie's a little taken aback, but okay then. "Yeah... I guess." Maddie scoots over, painfully conscious of the now useless knife in her hand. Maybe this was really, really dumb, but she thinks that Jegudiel might possibly be a bit more of a victim than a villain. If she's learned nothing over the amount of time she's been in here, it's that she can trust her gifts, and that's what they're telling her. Jegudiel sits down, copying her cross-legged pose and looks down at his lap solemnly. "You prayed to me," He says quietly. His voice carries an odd lilt to it, almost melodic. "Yes..."

"No one has prayed to me in quite some time." There's a sad little smile on his face, almost nonexistent. "I'd say not, considering everything," Maddie says as politely as she can. She really doesn't know what to say here and she'd rather not be smote. Smited? Smitten? Whatever.

"It's quite alright. You needn't be afraid to speak your mind, I hear it anyhow. I'm not going to hurt you."

"Can I trust your word on that?" Maddie leans down a bit until she catches his eyes. She's trying to test the waters a little bit. He looks over at her, their eyes meeting. His chocolate brown eyes seem sad, and old beyond belief. Whatever he's lived through, whatever he's done, it's taken a toll on him. "I don't think that would be wise."

"Why not?"

His lips thin, "Sometimes... Sometimes I am okay. Other times, I am... different."

"What do you mean different?"

"Perhaps it would be best to speak of something else." Maddie has to resist the urge to roll her eyes. Alright then. "Okay... Jegudiel, why am I here?"

His answer is robotic and stiff, emotionless. "You were to be studied, tested to see what your abilities could do, then sold to the highest bidder and used for whatever purpose your new master saw fit."

Maddie shuddered at that, and Jegudiel's eyes flicked over to hers, tracking the movement. His face softens infinitesimally. "I apologize if that was harsh. I am unaccustomed to speaking to humans." Maddie rubs her arm almost unconsciously, not really liking the goosebumps there, but there's not a whole lot she can do.

"I uh... I'm used to it, I guess." He just continues studying her in his peripheral. "That is unfortunate."

"Yeah, it can be. So um... Are you... I mean - what? Why did you come when I asked you too?" His eyes are far away and unfocused but his voice is clear. "You - You are good. A good person. I don't encounter those often. Your prayer was not a plea or made of anger. It was a simple request. So few are so clear. It is... refreshing. I was interested."

"You've been hanging around, haven't you?" Maddie asks curiously and he casts her a sideways glance. "I can feel it when you're around. This... buzzing." Maddie looks away from his suddenly intense gaze, liking it better to stare at her bare feet - where the hell did her shoes go? She did have them. "You carry a Nephilim. It would be very powerful. Very useful."

Maddie places a protective hand over her flat belly and looks over at him, her expression fierce. Nothing and no one will touch her child, angelic or otherwise. "Though that is incorrect. It is not a true Nephilim with it being only one-third angel."

"How did you know that?"

Jegudiel looks over at her with a mix of amusement and something she doesn't recognize. "I have abilities similar to your own, but do not forget, I am an angel. I suppose it is what is called a perk." Maddie chuckles at his dry tone. Her next question is one she's a little afraid to ask. "Jegudiel... When you said that you're different sometimes... what did you mean?" He sighs lightly and looks away.

"My Grace is no longer... bright. I have a tattered and torn light within me. Sometimes that light is clear, and I am. Other times... I am not quite... sane. Many things have happened." He said in way of explanation.

"Is that why I'm here? Was this all you?"

"No. I was merely a tool. I had little to do with your being taken."

"Then umm... are you supposed to be here right now?"

"Most likely not. The others are gone though. It's just me."

"What happened?"

"Why must you ask so many questions?" His tone was annoyed.

"Sorry. My curiosity streak is huge."

Jegudiel remained silent and sat there looking at his hands. Maddie didn't know what she was supposed to do now. They sat that way for several minutes, Maddie growing increasingly uncomfortable before he spoke again. His tone was hopeful. "Do you believe that beings should be free? Unbound, and able to make choices for their own life?"

Maddie bites her lip as she thinks. She needs to tread carefully, this is unsteady ground right here. "Yes. We should all be able to make our own choices. I mean, as long as we're not hurting people." Jegudiel seemed to deflate. "But I have hurt people. Many." Maddie pursed her lips and thought about it for a moment. "Jegudiel... Can I ask you a question?"

"You seem intent on continuing to do so without my permission or otherwise. Continue." Maddie chuckles lightly at his dry tone and is a little surprised to find how much she doesn't dislike him. She can't really say she likes him, but she doesn't dislike him either.

"What happened all those years ago? With the war where all the angels died? When you-"

"Betrayed my own kind?" His voice is hard and bitter and Maddie flinches. "I wasn't going to put it that way, but yes."

"It is a long story, one not worth hearing," His tone is bitter and hard and she instantly dislikes it.

"I'd like to hear it." Maddie implores and he looks up at her. His eyes are actually really pretty, even if they're sad. Jegudiel sighs deeply and seems to resign himself to her wish. "When I was within the fold of the Host, I mixed creature magic and Grace to make weapons the armies of Heaven. I didn't know that the magic was continually seeping into my Grace, staining it. I definitely should have noticed, but I was too focused. I barely gave the odd tingling a passing thought. I started to lose time. Days would go by and I would find myself working on projects I couldn't remember starting. This went on for a few decades. My Grace slowly became darker. Had I not been isolated and left to solitude, perhaps the disaster could have been avoided. But then, that was my own doing. The magic grew from my Grace, it became something dark and wild. I didn't know until the midst of the battle that I had been dealing with demons in my lost time.

"After the weapon went off, after I killed so many of my brothers and sisters, I was horrified. I ran. I ran and hid. I cloaked myself with magic and tried to lock my grace away so I would be found. Some two hundred years later some demons that worked for my previous associates found me. I had been alone for so long, running, hiding... I had fallen so far... I went with them. I brokered a deal with Abaddon. Eventually, my deal moved to be with Azrael. I... I never wanted to be this way... After a few decades of working with the demons I wanted to stop but I couldn't. I was trapped in the deal I made and I had to do Azrael's bidding. I never wanted to hurt people, humans, or angels. Innocent creatures. It wasn't my intent. I was made to help. To guide, and nurture, we all were. I've only hurt.."

Wowie... That's a lot to take in. How would an angel not notice magic permeating his Grace? You'd think that'd be obvious. Seriously... So Azrael was behind everything, Jegudiel really was more of a victim than a villain. Fuck. Maddie wishes there was some way to help him. "So this is Azrael's doing? Me being here?" Jegudiel goes stock still and his eyes train on the floor. "Not entirely..."

"Which means what?"

"Azrael's dead." Jegudiel's voice is flat and lifeless.

Oh... "How'd that happen?"

"I killed him."

"Oh." Maddie murmurs, more than a little shocked. What does all this mean?

"The others are trying to find me now, but I will not be found unless I wish to be."

"So, uh... you're keeping me here, then?" Dread is building in Maddie's stomach, making her feel nauseous. Is she really so wrong? That would suck.

"No. Well, yes. I suppose. You and Castiel."

Oh God. Cas is here? Shit. Maddie's stomach twists in horror and she feels like she's going to be sick even more now. What kind of terrible things are going on with Cas? Oh dear God, please don't let him be being forced to kill copies of her and Dean. Please. That would be torture for him.

Jegudiel looks up at her with sharp interest. "You pray to my Father?"

"Oh... Um, yeah. Sometimes."

"Don't... Don't you know He's deserted us?" Jegudiel's voice is soft like he's telling someone their relative died.

Well... there are two ways to go here. She can either tell him or- "Tell me what?"

Shit. The mind reading thing.

"Um, well... God's not really gone. He's hiding among humans. Um, He watches, basically. He still cares. He's a-" Jegudiel flies up from the floor in an instant. He bends and grabs her by the throat with a punishing grip and hauls her up off the floor. Her knife clatters to the floor and he raises her until she's pressed against the cabinets with her toes just barely skimming the floor enough to keep her from fully suffocating. Jegudiel's eyes are burning with righteous fury and he looks terrifying, suddenly seeming more demonic than angelic. Maddie can feel his Grace snapping and warbling in the adjacent dimension, the one where angel's hide their wings. Jegudiel's pissed.

"How dare you say He's still here! He abandoned us and left us alone! He's not here anymore! You puny, insignificant being! **He. Does. Not. Care.** " Maddie's fully suffocating now, her windpipe completely cut off by Jegudiel's big hand, the heal pressing roughly against her thin skin. Her hands grapple at his wrist but it does nothing. The Grace buzzing under her naval is panicking. Her little baby. **_No!_** She has to get through to Jegudiel before he kills her and her baby. With that in mind, she starts to pray even as her vision starts to spot and black dots float around. _'Jegudiel, He does care and He's here. I know it doesn't seem that way... But... But, it's true...'_  
  
Her mind is blacking out, her lungs screaming. Her eyes flutter closed, or maybe her brain finally gives up in trying to supply her with sight, but it goes black. The last thing she hears is a loud roar - familiar voice - but she can't make it out, nor does she have the energy to try. Then she's gone.

  
  
**~Dean~**   
**~October 19~**   
  


  
Gabriel puts a hand on his shoulder to snap him and Crowley into the building that Rowena says is just bursting with magic. Jegudiel's lair where he's hiding Cas and Maddie. For a moment, he feels like he's hurdling through space then he lands, a sick sense of vertigo throwing him off and making his grip on his Desert Eagle lessen. It doesn't normally feel like that, but he feels like he just got hurled throw a brick wall. Rowena had said there'd be spelled barriers but damn. When his eyes pop open the first thing he sees nearly stops his heart. Some black-haired dude is choking Maddie up against some cabinets and her eyes are slipping closed, her mouth going slack. "No!" He roars and Dean charges with Gabriel at his side, angel blade in hand and a look of fury on his face that matches his own.

"Jegudiel!" Gabriel yells, and the dude drops Maddie like a sack of potatoes to the floor where she lies still. Jughead turns around just in time. Gabriel tackles Jegudiel with a loud yell of _, "Close your eyes!"_ There's a bright flash of light against his lids, then it's gone, leaving behind a singed smell like burning hair. God, Dean hates witches and their creepy spells. That smells nasty. He opens his eyes to find the mock kitchen thankfully empty except for Maddie on the floor and Crowley in the doorway. That means the plan, the spell, more specifically, worked. It's up to Gabriel now. Dean yells at Crowley, "Find Cas!"

For once, the King of Hell doesn't argue, simply poofs into nonexistence and Dean rushes to Maddie, dropping to his knees by her and rolling her onto her back. Her arm flops limply to the floor and he feels sick. His heart is pounding furiously and adrenaline is still pumping, giving him a slight shake as he lays two fingers to the side of her throat and presses in. He sighs in blessed relief when he finds a pulse there. It's thready and faint, but it's there. Maddie's lips are blue-ish, but she's alive.

Dean jerks a little in shock when her face starts to fill up with color. _What the hell?_ Her lips go back to their normal light pink color, and her cheeks are a little flushed, as they normally are. That's not normal. Her eyes move rapidly under her lids before they jerk open and she sits up in an instant, one hand clutched to her stomach.  
"Whoa, whoa, I gotcha."

Dean steadies her with an arm around her shoulders. She's shaking and her eyes are darting all over. She looks up at him and her eyes widen in horror. She scrambles backward away from him, grabbing a knife off the floor and brandishing it at him. Dean's brow furrows. "Maddie?"

Her eyes narrow and she squints at him. "Dean?" The knife drops a little bit. "Yeah, yeah, it's me. You're not uh, gonna stab me with that thing, are you? That'd kinda suck." Maddie drops the knife and grins, scrambling over to him and giving him a big hug. He buries his face in her hair and squeezes her tight. "Fuck, I missed you," She says into his shoulder.

"Me too, sweetheart," Dean pulls away, "We gotta find Cas. Do you know where he is?" Maddie shakes her head but asks, "Is the barrier broken? If it is, I can find him pretty easily, assuming he's here, anyway."

  
  
**~Maddie~**   
  


  
Her baby is amazing. After passing out, the first thing she remembers is the warm flood of Grace flowing over her, making her tingle and flush. When she struggled up to consciousness the first thing she saw was Dean and she reacted out of instinct, or maybe habit, and grabbed her knife. But this Dean isn't a copy. It's the real Dean. Dean stands and pulls her up to her feet, where she doesn't sway. Thank you, baby, she thinks and she feels a warm gurgle of Grace behind her belly button. She has to resist the urge to smile and put a hand over her abdomen. "Rowena's spell broke the barrier. Can you feel Cas?" Dean asks and Maddie shakes her head back into focus. She's gotta find Cas. Please God, let him be okay.

Maddie bends and picks up her knife, closing it and shoving it in her pocket before she walks to the edge of the mock kitchen, Dean close by her side. She sees a dark rock hallway and a dirt floor. It splits and goes off to either side. How incredibly weird and fitting she thinks with no small amount of sarcasm. Maddie holds up her hand, palm out, and use her gift to send pings through the structure they're in. "We need to go left," Maddie says and Dean moves in front of her, gun out and at the ready. They move carefully but quickly. Maddie does a quick check and touches Dean's shoulder.

"Dean, this place is empty. There's nothing here but Cas and what I'm assuming is Crowley." No sooner than she's said it does Crowley appear in front of them. "I've found your angel. He's down the hallway." Crowley jerks a thumb back over his shoulder and relief seeps into her. He's here. She jogs in front of Dean, "Come on, let's go."

She goes up the hallway until she comes to a door on her right. It's thick looking and made of metal that gleams dully in the dim light. It has a circular wheel for a handle, kinda like the ones that you see in movies that are on ships and stuff. Her gift reaches out for the life inside and she gasps, a hand covering her mouth and her eyes getting wet. "Oh, Cas." She breathes. Dean grabs her shoulder, "What? He's okay, isn't he? He's not-" Dean's voice breaks.

"No. He's alive." She reassures him and Dean sighs in obvious relief, "It's just... He's had his own brand of torture." Dean's expression pinches back into concerned and he moves to open the door, but Maddie grabs him.

"Dean, wait!"

"Maddie, we have to get him out-"

"I know that. And we're going to. But I need you to let me do it, okay?"

"Why?"

"It's hard to explain, but trust me with this. It'll be okay. I'll get him." She doesn't want Dean to see any more unnecessary horror. What she's getting from Cas... well, it's not good. Dean stares at her, working his jaw, but after a moment he relents. "Fine. Go get him." She can tell that he's struggling with relinquishing control, but that's okay. She has to be the one to get Cas. Maddie looks over at the demon standing casually behind Dean as if they're milling about in line at a shopping center. "Crowley, can you get the door open? It's specially locked."

"Of course. I'm Crowley, remember?" A hint of a smile tugs at Maddie's lips as Crowley touches the door and the handle turns by itself. A demon's touch. Clever. A human can't open it. But then... Jegudiel had no intention of opening it... Oh, God.

Crowley steps away and looks at her expectantly. "Thanks, Crowley." He flashes her a devious smile, "Anytime, darling."

Maddie rolls her eyes slightly but relishes in the familiarity of the situation. Fuck, this is going to be hard. Maddie turns back to Dean. "Stay out here, okay?"

He's obviously concerned, but he nods. "Be careful."

Maddie takes a deep breath and pulls the door open. It reveals a gaping maw of pure darkness that the light in the hallway doesn't reach inside. Is it spelled? She takes another breath, then steps inside. The smell hits her first. Human excrement, and the foul stench of urine. Fuck if that doesn't bring back bad memories. Maddie can't see a damn thing in here but she can sense Cas. He's in the corner to her far right. She takes carefully small breaths so she doesn't throw up, but she smells blood on the air too. Shit. She shuffles forward uncertainly. She knows there's not another presence in here but she doesn't know if there's anything in between her and Cas or not, so she does the smartest thing and walks sideways until she hits the wall. She runs her right hand across it and starts walking forward, moving towards Cas steadily. The feelings of sorrow and misery coming off him are almost too damn strong for her to handle. She can feel it when she gets close to him and she drops down until she's squatting. She still can't see a damn thing, but she knows Cas is there.

  
  
**~Castiel~**   
**~October 19th~**   
  


  
The hard rock of the wall digs into Castiel's back but he's beyond caring. If anything, it keeps him tethered. It's painful, but it means he's still alive. His teeth run over the skin of his thumb with an almost absent-minded overview. That hurts too. He doesn't remember biting it, but now he does it when he gets nervous, paranoid that something's in here with him. Something slithering, creeping along the edge of his senses. This darkness is infuriating. He's going crazy in here. He recognizes this with a dull realization, but it's not overly concerning. The urgency left some time ago. Now he sits. He sits and waits, for what? He doesn't know, but then, Castiel's not entirely sure if he wants to know what comes after this. It might be better to just stay here. His thumb aches with a wet sort of glee and he bites at it with forlorn thoughts. Abandoned is what he is. Jegudiel? Azazel? Who knows who was behind it. It could've even been Crowley, but then, it doesn't matter either way. He's here and that's all there is. Until he hears the scrape of a shoe across the floor. Is someone here?

  
  
**~Maddie~**   
  


  
"Cas?" She asks aloud, and it comes out more like a whisper. She hears him move like he's raising his head, then there's a hand scrambling towards her. She can hear him swiping it across the floor until it reaches her foot. It pats up her leg until it reaches her knee where she grabs it. His hand is cold and there's something sticky and wet on his fingers. She has the sickest feeling that it's blood. She brings his hand to her face, letting him feel her cheek. "It's me, Cas. It's Maddie. I'm here, hon. I'm here."

"Mad-addie?" His voice is so thick and rusty. It's got to hurt like hell for him to use. "Th-at you?" Maddie finds his cheek with her right hand and says, "Yeah. Yeah, it's me. It's me, Cas. You're okay now." She guesses Cas raises up on his knees because all of a sudden she's enveloped with him, and he's pressed right up against her. His chin's sitting on her shoulder and his arms are so tight around her it's almost hard to breathe, but she's not going to complain. Cas is safe.

"I was so alone. It felt like years. Please be real." Cas dry sobs and Maddie nearly chokes on the emotion roiling through her. She squeezes him then pulls away enough so that she'd be looking at him if she could see anything. "You're not alone, hon. It's okay. I'm really here. This is real. Why do I smell blood, though? Are you hurt?"  
Cas stutters, "M-my fing-my fingers."

Concerned, Maddie feels around and grabs his hands and brings them up. She wishes she could see them. She gently touches the wounds, worried about the tacky blood sticking to her fingers and pulling open places that are trying to scab. Did he chew them? Suddenly the Grace under her naval starts bubbling like warm water and it starts easing out her fingertips. And into Cas. Their baby's healing Cas. Since she can't stop it, she wraps her hands around Cas's fingers and lets it do its work. When the Grace stops buzzing so wildly and settles back down in her tummy she let's go and throws her right arm under Cas's left, supporting his weight since he seems so unsteady. She helps to pull him up until he's standing. "Wh-at just h-happened?"

"Nothing you need to worry about, hon. Come on. I'm taking you to Dean."

"D-ean?" Cas says, some excitement leaking through his voice. "Yeah. Walk with me. I've got you, Cas."

"Maddie?" Dean's voice calls worriedly and it sounds very far away. Maddie uses her left hand to guide her back up the wall. Even though logically she knows the door is open, her mind won't equate that fact with reason. There's nothing there, no rectangle of light or anything, just darkness. But she knows it's open. She can feel Dean and Crowley, and she knows she's getting close. She turns the corner and knows she should reach the door any moment. Cas is shuffling along with her but his energy is fading, his steps growing more sluggish and awkward. Right as they're about to make it to the opening where she knows the door should be Cas goes completely limp in her arms. She gets her left arm under his right armpit right before his knees give out and she's fully supporting him now. His head lolls against her neck. She grunts, trying to support his weight. She is not going to let him drop.

"Dean!" She calls. She doesn't see him enter, Jesus this is powerful magic, but she feels him when he gets beside her. She must be right by the door. "What happened?" His hands run along her shoulders and she's guessing he feels Cas. "He passed out."

"It's alright. I'll get him. I'm going to grab his arm and throw it around my shoulder then I'm going to pick him up, okay? I need you to hold him up long enough for me to get ahold of him."

"Yeah, okay. I got it." Maddie keeps ahold of Cas while Dean bends down, and after one moment where she thinks he's going to fall, Dean gets him in his arms. "I need you to lead me out."

"I gotcha." Maddie hooks her finger around one of Dean's, just one since he's carrying Cas bridal style, and feels around the wall for the opening. Her hand falls through it and she pulls Dean forward gently as she steps through the door.

  
  
**~Dean~**

  
  
When they step out into the light of the hallway Dean can actually see Cas. He looks awful. His cheeks are sunken in and there's dried blood around his mouth. Not a lot, but enough. His skin is waxy yellow and unhealthy, hair lank. It's almost like he was imprisoned for much longer than he actually was, but Dean knows all about that. He knows that days can feel like years. He wasn't lying when he told Maddie that Hell was educational. Dean looks up and Maddie's looking angrily at Crowley, who's smirking. "What?"

"Nothing. We should go home now, Dean. Cas needs help." Maddie says. Dean decides to let it drop for now. "Yeah. Crowley?"

"When did I become a bloody public bus?" He grumbles but walks over. Maddie wraps her hand around Dean's bicep, standing slightly behind him. Crowley just sighs lightly and with a small touch, he sends them to the bunker.  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, wanted to make a note here, I'm doing an overhaul on this story. Basically, I'm changing the fact that the boys know about Chuck and that he's God. But Maddie does, because she's seen those episodes. Boys just ain't lived it yet. ;) I know, I know. Bad timing, but hey, I have a really good idea, and when I first started writing this I wasn't planning on posting it. I didn't give the first thought about plot or anything like that, so that's why things seem wonky and off. Sorry if that's inconvenient to anyone.
> 
> Also, sorry for the weird way I wrote/posted the last chapter with the timeline and all. It was all over the place, and I'm really sorry, cuz I'm sure that was confusing as hell to read. Forgive me. 
> 
> Also, I noticed that one of my early chapters was like two paragraphs long?!?!??! Why didn't you guys tell me??? It was a glitch so I went back and fixed it, and in the process ended up deleting a chapter (nothing's missing, whole story still intact!), so the numbers and comments are off now. So like, if you commented on Chapter 35, it's gonna say chapter 34 now, but the one you're talking about is the other chapter. It's confusing, but it probably doesn't matter anyway. Just wanted to throw that in there.
> 
> And a shout out to Rsthetic for loving the story and being patient with me. I love going back to read your comment and it helps me stay inspired. And to Raamish1012, thanks for being awesome and giving virtual hugs. I appreciate those. :)
> 
> As usual, comment and leave me your thoughts. :)
> 
> NOT IMPORTANT TO FIC BELOW:::::
> 
> Not that it really matters in any sort of way to this, but I'm having a frikken hard time right now. Writing isn't coming easily, and I'm kinda struggling with life in a way that I never thought I would... Life isn't really coming easily, I guess. So I um... If that reflects into my writing in a negative way, I am really sorry. I tried.


	48. The Trials of the Little Bampot and the Fall of the Not-So-Mighty Jughead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fucking title though, Bahahahahah! I'm dying! :D 
> 
> Hehe, finally figured out how to write Sam's POV. I wrote almost this entire chapter with Black Dahlia by Hollywood Undead on repeat. That's so messed up, LOL.
> 
> Hope y'all enjoy!

  
**~Sam~**  
 **~October 15th~**  
  


  
Sam takes one of the cars in the garage pool to leave. He's not even sure what it is, besides green and kind of ugly. He's numb. He can't believe this. What the hell happened? He tries not to think as he pulls out onto the road, leaving the bunker, his brother, and his life behind him. He's got a bag full of clothes and random shit that he blindly shoved in there along with his laptop sitting in the passenger seat. His eyes glaze with tears as he heads down the road. His chest aches and his shoulder is pulsating, though with two different kinds of pain. He's not sure what Gabriel did to his shoulder, but it throbs like a rotting tooth and it's making it hard to steer. On the other hand, his heart feels like it's bleeding. He just... he can't believe he did this. _What the hell was he thinking?_ He barely remembers it.

The memories are there, but it's like he's looking at them through a really dim window, everything fuzzy and out of focus. Almost like the effects of a date rape drug or something.

Sam drives for hours. His mind is a black and gnarled mess by the time he finally pulls over. He turns off the car and rubs the heels of his hands into his eyes, trying to magic away the headache behind his temples, but it's built from a low ache into a thunderous crescendo, so he guesses that's not happening. His shoulder is literally hurting so bad that he doesn't even want to look at it. He pulls the lever underneath the seat to scoot it back so he has room to check it out. He pulls off his shirt, being as careful as a brain surgeon since he has no idea what's going on with it. When he sees the bloody mess spreading across his left side he gasps in horror and tears build in his eyes again. Spreading from his left clavicle to over his bicep is feather imprints. It looks like burns, almost, with angry red flesh all throughout. It's _raw_ , and the flesh is seared off in places, it's sticky with plasma and disgusting. There's fuzz from his shirt caked into it. Sam's nose wrinkles in disgust when he pulls a string of flesh from the edge of the wound almost like a sunburn. It stings like hell.

He's got to clean this or it's going to get infected and he's really going to be up the creek. Even worse than he already is.

The alcohol in the first-aid kit he brought burns like a bitch when he pours it on and he wants to scream, but he just grits his teeth. Gabriel hit him with his wings. These are Grace burns. The same thing that burned out Pam's eyes. How did his life ever get to this point? The law student dreams of yesteryear seem a million lifetimes away like it wasn't even him. He's so different now. So broken. How the hell did he do that to Dean and Cas? To Maddie and Gabriel? He has no idea. He honestly doesn't even remember how it all started. It just seems hazy and he remembers a distinct feeling of wrong, but he has no idea what he was thinking. He doesn't know if it was the demonic influence thing that Dean talked about, or if it was just... him.

Sam hisses through clenched teeth as he tries to bandage the wound on his arm. It hurts so bad, almost like it goes... soul deep. Did Gabriel _mark_ his soul? Honestly, he could see it being something Gabriel would do, especially in a righteous rage. Sam wants to cry. So he does. He lays his head on the steering wheel and cries without a single sound escaping him except for a pained whimper that slipped out when he couldn't control it. By the time he pulls himself together, dark has fallen. He pulls his shirt back on and adds a flannel since he's freezing now. It's getting frosty outside. His fingertips are numb and cold. He dry swallows two Excedrin out of the first aid kit and starts the car and pulls off onto the road again. He has no idea where he's going. He doesn't know what to do. Or where to go. He refuses to call anyone. He can't tell Jody anything that happened, the look of disappointment on her face would be too damn much. Sam needs to get somewhere where he can hole up and think and figure out what happened. If he can prove his innocence to Dean maybe he can come home. Maybe Gabriel could forgive him. He doesn't hold out hope that he and Gabriel could be together ever again.

He put his trust on the line and Sam stomped all over it and literally had his brother kidnapped and probably tortured by demons for no reason. That's about as bad as it gets really. He doesn't think he and Gabriel will ever have a chance, and Sam honestly wouldn't be surprised if he never sees Gabriel again. The thought hurts so much that he can't stand it. His heart aches just thinking about it. This pain... it just... It's so deep. A loud horn blares and knocks him out of his haze and Sam swerves out of the way of a truck just in time, sliding back into his own lane while just barely missing getting smashed to death on a highway. Fuck.

He needs to get somewhere where he can think. Back to bumping motels, he guesses. He hadn't missed it.

He pulls into the parking lot of the first motel parking lot he finds. It's not a nice one, really, but he doesn't care. He swipes the fake credit card and the motel charges a Mr. Robert Goddard for a room for a couple days. He doesn't even want to try to figure out a plan. He just wants to sleep. He wants to figure out what happened. He wants to not be hurting so much. But yeah... that's pretty much his life.  
  
Why does he keep fucking everything up? Every time something starts going good Sam does something and then every relationship he has is teetering on the brink of destruction and there's nothing he can do about it. He just... hurts people, basically. At least all the people he loves. He doesn't wish ill on Maddie, and especially not on Cas. Not after everything they've all been through. Nothing about the past few weeks has been normal for Sam. He likes to think he's a pretty genial guy. He helps people. Just not the people close to him. All he does is hurt them. Maybe it's better that he doesn't try to find a way back. Because, really... for all intents and purposes... they'd be better off without him.

The thought stops him cold as he throws his bag on the bed and he freezes, eyes catching on the wall-length mirror across the room. Maybe he shouldn't try to prove his innocence to Dean and Gabe. He wants to. God, does he want to, but maybe it'd be better for them all if he didn't. He doesn't think Dean would want him to come back and be anywhere near Maddie or Cas, anyway. And Gabriel will never want to see him again. The deep ache in his chest and pulsating through his shoulder tells him that much. He's not sure what Gabe did to him, but he's pretty sure it's a mark on his soul. Cas branded Dean's soul when he rose him from Hell, and now Gabe's done something similar, except Sam's more cast down than raised up. Sam sighs and looks away from the mirror to the floor where his blurry eyes focus on the brown and white speckled crap carpet. It's better than looking at himself. What the hell is he going to do?

Sam discovers that night that it's going to be impossible to sleep, much to his chagrin and disappointment.

  
  
**~October 16th~**   
  


  
Sam yawns and sits up and runs his hand through his hair. With a glance at his watch, he confirms that he managed all of an hour of sleep. His brain feels glazed, like when frost is thick on winter glass. It obscures the world from vision except for the vaguest of outlines, and the blurriest of colors. He doesn't want to think. He doesn't want to pick at the mental scabs on his wounds. He doesn't want to rehash his fuck-ups again. Sam's so tired of fucking up and getting people hurt. Who knows what's happening to Maddie and Cas. It could be anything from being imprisoned to being tortured and killed and it's his fault. The thought makes him sick to his stomach and he has to run to the bathroom. He flushes away the acidic vomit with a sweaty hand.  
  
  
  
When he looks in the mirror there's shadowed circles under his eyes and his face looks haggard at best. He's pale and he can see sweat beaded on his forehead even though he feels cold.

He doesn't want to, but Sam pulls his shirt off and starts carefully removing the bandage from his shoulder. The bandage has yellow spots of a viscous liquid on it. Oh, great. The large wound is now sporting what looks like white snot all over it. Fatty tissues that don't have blood flow. It makes his stomach turn but he pokes a piece of it and he wants to vomit again when a large flap of it just sloughs off into the sink. Maybe he shouldn't be keeping this covered. It kinda looks like it needs to dry out a little. Jesus... He's been dealing with stitches and broken bones and who knows how many burns and cuts and scrapes, but this is a whole 'nother ball game. Time for internet research, he guesses.  
  


**~**

  
He bitterly regrets the internet research. After the fortieth picture of necrotic tissue, he's done internetting for the day. Done. He can handle ghosts, and demons, and all kinds of other creepy crawly things, as well as blood and guts, but diabetic leg rot is just too much. He decides to follow his instincts and let the wound air dry a bit. Sam feels dizzy and he's not sure why. His vision is wavering a bit. He decides to lay down, and while he doesn't really sleep, he dozes sometimes. His mind won't stop trying to run over theories of how he could help try and get Cas and Maddie back. Dean doesn't want his help, and Sam understands why, but he doesn't feel right not helping at all. He feels awful. He's gotta try, but what can he really do? Before he manages to think about it, he passes out.

  
  
 **~October 17th~**  
  
  
  
He's sick. Sam's not really sure how it happened, or what exactly it is, but he can't see real well. His vision is blurry and wavering and he's got a high fever. He knows that much. As to anything, he's really not sure what else could be wrong because he's so out of it. He vaguely remembers downing a couple pills, he hopes it wasn't anything deadly, and then passing out. There was an empty bowl sitting on the table the tv's on with what looked like remnants of tomato soup in it, but he only barely recalls eating it. This morning he felt mostly fine. He went and bought a couple of food things, and some stuff he needed to keep bandaging the wing bash wound, but by the time he got back, he felt awful. Sam sits on the edge of the tub and vomits again, hand weakly clutching a towel, fingertips white and hands cold. He's shaky and pale and he doesn't have to look in the mirror to know he looks like a drug addict going through withdrawals. Fuck, this is awful. But it's exactly what he deserves. Or maybe better than...

  
  
**~October 18th~**   
  


  
He got out of bed once today. He remembers that. As to what happened in the interim, he doesn't know. He's mostly been dozing, occasionally having the strength to change form his sweat-drenched clothes into new ones, quickly accumulating a pile on the floor. He finds that sleep comes easily in a fever-haze, but the dreams aren't worth it. They really, really, aren't.

  
  
**~October 19th~**   
  


  
He just finished paying for another few days here. The guy at the counter told him he should get some sleep and something to eat. Yeah, no kidding. He's finally gotten rid of the fever. It broke last night. He thinks it's from being struck with Gabe's Grace. Not really that, but the way it all happened, with so much anger and everything, he thinks it made him sick. Sam's choking down a questionable sandwich when his phone rings.  
  
  
  
He looks at it in surprise, before scrambling for it and pressing the button before even looking to see who it is. It hasn't rung since he left the bunker.

"Hello?"

 _"Yes, hello, Sam, dear. How's my little bampot?"_ The hope bubbling in his chest quickly gurges down to nothing again.

"Rowena?" He's incredulous.

_"That's my name."_

"Why're you calling?"

_"Well, I thought you'd like to know that the two little kidnappees your brother is so fond of were rescued safe and sound yesterday. I understand you two are_ _suffering some miscommunication."_

"I don't want to talk about it." Sam's voice is hard.

_"Fine. I just thought you'd want to know."_

"You called... as what? A favor? Why're you telling me?"

_"Careful with your tone there, you almost make a girl feel unappreciated, Samuel."_

"No, uh. Thank you, I guess. Just uh... There's no repercussions for this? I mean, what do you want?"

_"Can't I do something nice without everyone questioning it?"_

"Uh, no. Not really... So, they're okay? Both of them?"

_"A little worse for wear as I understand, but alive, if that's what you mean."_

"I um, okay. Thanks, I guess. I appreciate it."

 _"Yes, yes, you're welcome..."_ There's a pause from the other side of the line and Sam waits, _"He misses you, you know. He may keep himself busy with doctoring_  
_and ordering my Fergus around, but your absence wears on him."_

"Yeah, uh... It does on me too. Listen, thanks, Rowena. For letting me know they're okay. I appreciate it. Do you uh...I mean, is Dean... Do you think Dean'll forgive  
me?"

 _"Who knows, dear. You've both done worse before. But this, this was personal."_ And then she hangs up without another word. Sam stares at his phone for a minute before blacking the screen and sitting down. Well... Sam doesn't really know what to do with that.

  
  
**~Gabriel~**   
**~October 19th~**

  
  
"Close your eyes!" Gabriel yells at Dean and unleashes his Grace on Jegudiel, also releasing the spell that Rowena worked. With his Grace glaring like a sun through the room, he tightens his grip on Jegudiel and spreads his wings and flies. The younger angel struggles, but the containment spell that was tied to his Grace keeps him from struggling too much and it's not a problem for him. Gabriel lands them in the middle of the Himalayas. He figured that here was as safe as any other place. Plus, it's away from people. Gabriel drops him and Jegudiel lands in a heap, encased in magic that keeps him from moving or lashing out with his Grace or magic. Snow lays white and brilliant on the mountainside and Jegudiel is a brightly colored oddity lying in it, his arms spellbound flat to his sides, body rigid. He's glaring up at Gabriel with eyes full of hatred. What the hell is Gabriel supposed to do now? All of a sudden, sanity returns to Jegudiel's eyes and he looks downright calm.

After a moment, he speaks. "What do you intend to do with me?"

"That'd depend on you."

"I suppose you will probably kill me... That might be for the best."

Gabriel raised his eyebrows. "You got a death wish, bro?"

"I'm not sure." Well, this is peachy. Gabriel sighs and walks forward until he's right by where Jegudiel is laying and he squats down, studying his face. He looks past the vessel, looks past bones and flesh and at the Grace underneath. He shakes his head at the horror he sees there. Jegudiel's Grace is... fractured. What should be a whole gleaming light is a fractal, shadowed cloth of something formerly great. It almost resembles Lucifer's. Gabriel's heart goes out to his brother. "Please don't look at me that way," Jegudiel says.

"I'm not looking at you like anything."

"You pity me. I'm many things, Gabriel, but blind is not one of them."

He raises his eyebrows in surprise, but okay then. Questioning time. Gabriel stands back up, looking down at Jegudiel with undisguised contempt.

"So, dealing with demons, hmm? Quite the upper level there. Get your kicks by kidnapping people now?"

"I do not get kicks at all. That was Azazel's plan. As to my dealing with demons, I do not owe you my story."

"Nah, but if you wanna live, it'd be better if you tell me."

"Who said I wanted to live?" The silence after that is deafening. Gabriel stares at Jegudiel for a long time.  
  
  
  
He thought he'd feel good at catching the guy that kidnapped Maddie and Cas but he doesn't. He thought he'd feel vindicated and proud, but mostly he just feels miserable. He mostly feels miserable about Sam. About it all, though, really. After several minutes of long silence where Gabriel's lost in his own thought with snow swirling around them, he feels a soft brush of Grace against his own. He starts in surprise, focusing on his brother once more. Jegudiel's human face is conveying sympathy and understanding, and his Grace is questing and benevolent. With some caution, Gabriel lets his own Grace slide against Jegudiel's. He learns a shit ton of stuff from that interaction. He sees, and to a mild degree experiences, how Jegudiel got to where he is. All the lonely years in shame and confusion, not understanding, then the shady deals with demons that got steadily worse until he was wedged so far under Azazel's thumb that he was stuck in a circle of degradation and pain. Gabriel understands now. Somebody should've been there for Jegudiel, dammit. If his brothers weren't so selfish, none of this would have happened. With a sigh, Gabriel's reigns his Grace back in and the serene look on Jegudiel's face slides away.

"You yearn for your human." He says with a blunt tone. Well, he's not wrong.

"Yeah... Yeah, I do. That's what happens when you mess with the Winchesters. You get all fucked up." Gabriel's voice is rough. Jegudiel's face twitches into a small  
smile.

"That's not entirely true. Based off what I've seen, there are many Winchesters you love. You are not in emotional turmoil because of them."

"What do you mean, many? There's only two. Hot Stuff and his idiot little brother."

"That is untrue. There is Castiel, Madelynne, then Dean and Sam. And you, of course."

"Ha, I'm not a Winchester. And neither is Cassie."

"You're not?" Jegudiel's voice is so plain that it shocks Gabriel into actually thinking about it for a moment. "Okay, I guess I kinda am."

"Thought so."

Gabriel smirks a little at the thought of it but shakes his head. He'll think about that later. "What are you going to do with me?" Jeg asks, and Gabriel can honestly say he doesn't know. He didn't want to murder anyone else, and he didn't bring Jegudiel out here with that intention. But as to what do with him... Gabriel just doesn't know. Jegudiel's dangerous to himself and others. He can't just leave him be. Then, all of a sudden, it hits him. Gabriel can save him.  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love to hear y'all's thoughts, as you know, so if you wanna drop a comment please feel free.
> 
> Any ideas what's going to happen to Jeg? Hehehe. Honestly, what y'all are coming up with is probably better than mine, lol. 
> 
> Or, as Kiodragon said, I might throw another wrench into the works. Y'all best be changing your vocation to plumbers. ;)


	49. A Sorrowful Fall, Cuddling, the Peccant Jakey, and the Large Pile of Flannel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehehehe I feel so evil right now. You'll see why. ;)
> 
> Possible TW for Minor Character Death. :(

  
**~Gabriel~**

  
Why does it have to be him? Gabriel's knees are pushed into the snow beside Jegudiel and he's arguing with him. You'd think the guy wants to die. "Come on, you know it would work!" Jegudiel's eyes flash in anger and his mouth squares. Gabriel feels a crackle of restrained Grace snapping against his own. "I do not want it. It would only be a mistake."

Another tactic then, since logic obviously isn't working. "Please... Don't make me do this." Gabriel pleads.  
  


"Your mistake would be letting me loose on the world. Do you think I don't know what I am?! I know. I've hurt too many! I'm ready for it to be over." Gabriel shakes his head and looks at the ground for a long moment. He going to explain this again. Slowly. "Your Grace could be removed. You could be born as a human. With a human family. With no memory of what's happened."

"No memory of what I've done, you mean." His brown eyes are soft, but his voice is firm. "I do not deserve that kindness. Please. I do not want to hurt anyone else. You know what you have to do." Gabriel can see his wings, barely, and they're broken. "No, I know what you want me to do!"

"What I need you to do. You know it's the right thing. Gabriel..." He looks down at Jegudiel, again seeing the small innocent angel that he once was. The way they all were once.  
  
"You're my brother. I know I have done nothing to deserve your pity or forgiveness, but please, give me this one small kindness."

"Its a kindness to kill you?" He can't believe this.

"Yes. You know it is. It's what needs to be done. If you don't I will only find a way to do it myself. I'd rather it be by your hand." Gabriel sighs and the fight drains out of him. He could go along with his plan against Jegudiel's wishes, but it wouldn't be wise. It wouldn't be right. "Will you do this for me?" Gabriel looks him in the eyes and sees the tortured Grace fluttering within him.  
  
"Yeah. Yeah, I'll do it." He says finally.

"Thank you, brother." Jegudiel has a hint of a smile on his lips. Gabriel bitterly wishes that he didn't care, but if he said he didn't, he'd be lying. Being unfeeling is just so much easier. Gabriel nods with grim determination and rearranges himself on his knees. He produces his blade with a thought, it appears in his right hand and the weight is anything but pleasant. "You want this?" He asks softly, hoping the answer will change. Jegudiel nods once. "It is what's best. Only, Gabriel - Will you tell Castiel that I am sorry? And... tell Madelynne thank you. She will know what I mean." Gabriel nods.

"Yeah, of course." Gabriel wants to say something humorous like, 'You ready for this, lil bro?' to lighten the situation, but he can't cheapen this. He won't. Gabriel tightens his grip on his blade, probably white-knuckling it. Jegudiel closes his eyes and murmurs, "I'm ready."

Gabriel's not, but he raises the blade by his head anyway. He places his left hand across Jegudiel's forehead. "You deserved better from us. We should have been watching." His eyes pop open and look up at Gabriel. "It is my fault. I should have noticed the magic was affecting my Grace, and my decisions were my own. I do not blame you."

"Regardless, you shouldn't have been alone."

"If we're to talk of abandonment, we could talk about Father for several centuries. However... It was not your duty to watch me, Gabriel. I trust you won't let anything happen to the fledgling Madelynne carries?" Gabriel shakes his head. "No. Never." Jegudiel nods. "Good. Do better with her, yes?"

Ludicrously, Gabriel finds himself blinking back tears. "Yes. You got it."

"Good." Jegudiel's eyes widen and he gasps, a soft, shocked inhale. "I never thought anyone would cry over me. Or pray for me." Gabriel's eyebrows draw together at that, but when Jegudiel closes his eyes again, Gabriel decides it's time. Jegudiel looks at peace. Gabe strokes his thumb across his forehead where his hand is still resting and whispers, "Goodbye, baby bro. You did good."

Then Gabriel draws the blade up and rams it down through Jegudiel's sternum, he feels it when it embeds in the ground snow beneath him. His white Grace, awash with blue, bursts from him and Jegudiel screams, eyes opening and staring at the sky. It only takes a moment before he's gone. When the light dies, and the scream ends, Gabriel slumps back onto his heels, looking at the snow surrounding him. Scorched black marks are melted into the powder, a few inches deep. Jegudiel's wings were truly broken, feathers are gone and bones cracked and askew. He can see the shadows. Gabriel arranges his thoughts and draws forth the last coherent thought he'll have for a while as he pulls his blade out of the corpse.

 _'Father... I just... Jegudiel.'_  
  
The rest of the prayer isn't spoken into words, but it doesn't need to be. He knows god understands Gabriel's need for Jegudiel to be taken care of, even though it's against the rules. Jegudiel will be taken to Heaven. Gabriel sits down in the snow and stares at the corpse of the vessel with blank eyes. He feels empty.

  
**~Maddie~**  
**~October 19th~**

  
They've just gotten back to the bunker and Maddie desperately craves a shower, but Cas is out, and she's not leaving him alone. Besides, she's exhausted, so she decides to just lay with him while Dean gets things settled. They probably shouldn't leave Cas alone anytime soon. The thought occurs to her as she's laying in bed next to him that Gabriel has Jegudiel. That Gabe probably won't kill him. That he really doesn't deserve to be, at least in her eyes. She doesn't know what's going to happen to him but she needs to tell him this, at least. She takes a deep breath and calms her thoughts.

_'Jegudiel, I don't know if it counts for anything, but I forgive you for what happened. It truly wasn't your fault, I just thought you should know... My baby will know your story. If it hadn't been you that killed Azazel, Cas would most likely be dead or tortured, and I'd be sold to the highest bidder. So... thank you, Jegudiel. Thank you. I hope wherever life takes you next is better than what it has been.'_

She ends her prayer there with a small smile and caresses her belly, the other playing with the vial of Grace around her neck, imagining the little baby growing inside her until she falls into an exhausted sleep.

  
  
**~Castiel~**  
**~October 20th~**

  
Castiel wakes in a rush, confused. His eyes pop open and the first thing he realizes is that there's light. Light and sound. Is he home? It wasn't a dream then. He hastens to sit up and there's immediately a hand pushing on his chest and a soft voice in his ear. "It's okay. Come on, it's alright, Cas."

Castiel jerks and looks to his right with tears in his eyes. Maddie's sitting next to him, looking wan and pale. She smiles a little bit, "Hey there. Good to see you're awake. You feeling alright?"

Castiel attempts to blink away the tears but it doesn't work. Castiel lies back down against the pillows as familiar scents make themselves known with the belated realization that they're in their room, previously Dean's room. Tears leak steadily and he can't stop them. Maddie slides down until she's laying beside him again, presumably like she was before he woke up.

"Hey, it's alright." Castiel just shakes his head and closes his eyes, trying to fight them. He's just so glad to be home, and not be alone, and not be in darkness anymore. Maddie opens her arms and Castiel slides into them with a sigh of relief. He's not alone. Thank Father he's not alone. He couldn't bear it anymore.

"Shh, it's okay, hon. You're alright."

Castiel just buries his head into her chest and listens to the sound of her heart beating. Her breaths are soft and gentle, soothing as her arms wrap around him. He feels her yawn above him and he looks up. Castiel looks over at her, noticing that she's thinner than she was. She looks sick. She smiles slightly and says, "Sorry. I haven't gotten much sleep in the past week."

Castiel didn't either. He realizes quite suddenly just how tired he is. His limbs seem to have weights attached and his mind is heavy and sluggish. Castiel nods with their shared understanding and lays his head back down, his eyes drifting shut immediately. With his ear pressed against her chest, he can hear every comforting gurgle and glug of her heart as it beats. She raises her hand and runs it through his hair. He is just so tired. Castiel is back asleep before he even realizes it.

  
**~Maddie~**

  
She strokes Cas's hair until she's sure he's asleep, then she lets herself drift away. She's exhausted. With Cas laying on her chest she can't exactly move and granted, her neck is going to get an uncomfortable crick in it, this is the best she's felt in a week. She shoves her head back into the pillow and it's close enough for government work. She's more than happy to be uncomfortable as long as they're all safe. As she dozes off, she wonders if Cas remembers being healed when they were in the dark room. If he does, there's going to be a helluva lot of trouble on her hands soon.

**~**

When she wakes up Cas has moved until he's literally wrapped around her. She's laying on her right side, mostly pushed into the bed and his leg is thrown around her, and his arm too, his hand entwined in her fingers. He's practically lying on top of her, molded around her body.  
  
  
  
She's not going to complaining though. She's warm and comfortable in a hazy way. A ripple of tender happiness alerts her to another presence in the room and she manages to shift her head up to see Dean sitting beside her. Her head is actually touching his thigh. She doesn't know how she missed that. He cards a hand through her hair and there's a wisp of a smile on his face. Just a small one. Maddie manages to pry her hand out from under Cas's and she grips Dean's leg, pressing her face into his jeans. She wishes she could hug him.

"It's alright, Maddie." He whispers.

  
**~Dean~**

  
He carries the bowls of soup he made for the both of them up to the room, but he ends up leaving them sitting on the dresser. Maddie and Cas are both asleep, wrapped around each other. He watches them both for a moment, enjoying the silence and stillness of the bunker after the insanity of the last few days. He can't believe he got them back. Dean walks over and climbs in bed beside them, careful not to disturb them.

**~**

Dean slides down in the bed until he's lying next to Maddie and he cradles her face in his hands. "Shh. Shh, sweetheart, it's alright. We're all okay. We're together." He presses a kiss to her forehead and he's sure his stubble scratches against her skin. "Don't cry. Please. It's alright. We're okay now." Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Cas move and then his blue eyes are blinking over Maddie's chest, looking between them. His eyes look wet too.

"Guys-" Dean's voice cracks and he abandons what he was going to say. This is the first time they've all been awake and coherent at the same time since they were rescued. Maddie shudders against him and cries silently, he can see the tears falling from her lashes. Cas makes little sniffling sound and presses in against Maddie, nearly encapsulating Maddie while he wraps an arm around Dean. Dean throws his free arm over both of them and squishes them into him.  
  
"Fuck, I've missed you," Dean whispers harshly into Maddie's hair, squeezing them both.  
  
"Missed you too," Maddie says and Dean can hear how tear-choked her voice is. Cas simply says, "Me too." And nuzzles his face into Dean's arm. They lie like that for a long time.

 

 **~Sam~**  
**~October 20th~**

  
Sam sets the cup of coffee down on the table and sends a vague smile at the waitress before she hustles off. He's distracted by the images on his laptop. There was a fire in an apartment building a few towns over that the police are baffled by. Apparently, the flames were blue, and the bodies were completely melted, as in puddles of goo on the floor. Definitely something supernatural.

"So get this-" Sam chokes on the words when he realizes... Dean's not here. They're not going to work a case together anymore. Fuck, dammit. Sam closes his eyes against the pain and nearly jumps out of his skin a minute later when a hand lightly touches his shoulder. His wound stings from the contact. He jerks up and looks. There's a young girl standing in front of him in jeans and a ruffled blue blouse with buttons down the front. She's wearing braces and glasses, and her hair is red and brushes her collar bones. She looks familiar...

"Hi, umm. Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you. Umm... A lady told me to find you. Are you Sam?"

Sam's immediately suspicious and looks around, but nobody seems to be watching them or anything. He looks back at her and watches her shift awkwardly. Jeez, she must be what? Fifteen or so? She's just a kid. "Someone told you to come over here? Do you know who it was?"

She ignores his questions and says, "Are you Sam? Sam Winchester?" He decides to take a chance, since what's he got left to worry about, really? "Yeah. That's me. What's your name?"

"I'm Jeanette. Is it okay if I sit down?" Sam nods and gestures to the other side of the booth, which she slides in. She looks nervous. "Who told you to find me?"  
  


"Well, uh, this is going to sound crazy, I mean, like... It was weird. She had this red hair, and this black dress on. She looked like that chick from Bewitched. Umm, you know, like a witch. She said her name was Rowena. She umm, well, it's a long story, but basically, she rescued me. And um, she dropped me off here and told me to find you. So uh, hi." She waves awkwardly and Sam just blinks. Why would Rowena send some random teenager to him? Maybe it's a case.

  
**~Jeanette~**  
**~October 20th~**

  
Jeanette's sitting in the back of a black car. It's pretty nice as far as that goes. The not-nice part is her being handcuffed and gagged. Why the hell did she ever listen to that fucking dude? Jesus, the mess she's gotten herself in. She can't even believe Maddie ran away. She needs to find her, that's why Jeanette ran away. If anyone could find Maddie, it'd be her. They know each other like the back of her hands. She figured she could find her, she didn't count on being picked up by some dude with a hair complex. Kidnapped. Fucking kidnapped. And being held captive by some things that she's pretty sure aren't human. Today she'd been taken out of her cell and hustled down a creepy ass hallway and into the back of this car. She thinks it's a Lincoln, but what does she know about cars?

The dude driving had been mumbling about 'this flying under the radar bullshit' and 'stupid human'.

She infers from that, that he is in fact, one of the non-humans. She's seen several so far. She doesn't know what the hell they are, but they're weird and they poof into nonexistence and disappear, then pop back up and scare the shit out of her. They seemed to like freaking her out.

And now she's sitting here in this stupid car, driving down some long road, surrounded by fields of something with no seat belt on, which pisses her off, and weird ass handcuffs on her wrists with some nasty piece of laundry stuffed into her mouth that she doesn't even want to think about. She does think it's kind of funny that they gagged her. Maddie'd always said that if she ever got kidnapped she'd annoy her captors so much that they'd send her back. They haven't yet, but not for lack of trying, she smirks around the gag.

Suddenly, Jeanette's thrown forward against the passenger seat, her face smashing against it.

 _This is why she likes to wear seat belts_.

The dude, a twenty-something looking punk is cursing and trying to get out of the car. Jeanette sees a woman standing up at the hood, her hands held out and smiling broadly. She's got long, curly red hair and she's wearing a black dress that Jeanette immediately thinks has to be hot as hell right now. Jeanette gasps loudly when all of a sudden the driver's side door is ripped open and the guy goes flying, being jerked from the seat and thrown across the road by nothing. Nothing's there. What the hell? He crumples against the pavement and looks like he's knocked out. Jeanette turns her attention back to the creepy woman in front of the car. She walks around and bends to stick her head through the opening where the door used to be. She's got cat eyes, and _whoa_ , frikken amazing makeup.

"Hello, dearie. No shining knight I'm afraid, but I'm better than the likes of your current company." She looks over her shoulder at the demon with a look of pure disdain on her face. Jeanette's first thought is, _wow,_ that's a hell of a Scottish accent.

What have you gotten yourself into now, Jeanette? Good God, this is nuts. Who is this chick? She looks creepy, but then again, Jeanette doesn't even know where she is, and the woman's kinda more appealing than the dude that magically got thrown onto the side of the road. This is what I get for trying to help someone, Jeanette thinks. Got myself fucked _real good._ Go figure.

The woman with the long red hair sticks her head back through the door. "Oh yes, I've forgotten my manners. I suppose you'd like that gag out, hmm?"

The woman walks around the side of the car and pulls the door open and slides into the back seat next to her rather cheerfully. She gives Jeanette an appraising look, gazing up and down, noting the bruises and scrapes she has, Jeanette's sure. Who is this chick? The woman raises her eyebrows and says,

"No accounting for class, the peccant jakey." She sighs and Jeanette takes a moment to ask herself _what the hell is she saying?_

"Come along dear, let me get the gag off of you. The handcuffs might take a bit more work," She looks down at them pointedly.

Oh, Jesus. Is she trying to trust this chick? She seems to be helping, but people are deceiving... Ehh... Jeanette can keep her guard up, but really, what else is there to do. This chick's obviously not all that human either unless there are large invisible monsters roaming around that can rip car doors off hinges.

Jeanette turns her head, exposing the back of her neck to the strange woman's thin hands. She makes quick work of the gag and Jeanette spits it out of her mouth with a disgusted sound. The cloth was fucking nasty. She turns back to look at the woman who is smirking slightly, looking at her.

"Who are you?" She asks, because seriously dude, what the hell? The woman's smile grows broader. "I'm Rowena. And you're Jeanette."  
  
She offers her hand and Jeanette takes it carefully, a little freaked out by the woman's ice cold hands and creepy eyes. Jeanette thinks back to what just happened, with the door ripping off and the dude from the front seat flying out of it by some unknown force. Whatever this woman is, she's powerful. And she looks perfectly serene sitting in the backseat of a random car with a clearly kidnapped teenager...

"Okay, not to be rude but... what are you?" The chick's smile grows again, it stretches across her pearly white teeth in a way that makes Jeanette think that she's baring them or something, "Why, I'm a witch."

Jeanette has to choke back a snide comment about being a bitch or a witch but she doesn't say it because she doesn't know how Tall, Red and Creepy would react to that, and Jeanette'd rather not be crushed to smithereens. "So why are you helping me? You don't even know me."

Red's smile dims down again and she looks down, inspecting her nails (long and painted a glossy red) before looking back up.  
  
  
  
"Yes, there's that. Let's say I'm trying to make for some past wrongs. I'm helping a friend."

"Okay... But what do I have to do with that? I don't know you. You don't know me. Who's this friend? Why am I involved?" Jeanette knows she's pushing her luck, but Jesus, she doesn't understand anything right now. She'd just like some solid answers.

"You're looking for your sister, yes? Well, let's say that by extension, that I know her. The friend is a large pile of flannel and hair that goes by the name of Sam. You'll be seeing him shortly. I'm trying to help you, dear, really. Let's not be so impolite. Let me see those hands."

"My sister?! Is she okay? Where is she?" Jeanette demands. "All in good time. Come now, we must leave." Rowena looks over her shoulder at the dude slumped in the road. "He's starting to stir. I can't hit him again."

"Who is he anyway? Or what is he?"

Jeanette watches with a bit of misplaced amusement as Rowena climbs gracefully from the car and urges Jeanette to get out. She slides across the seat and Rowena helps her by grabbing the middle of the handcuffs and hauling her up and out of the car. Jeanette's legs are a little numb. "He's scum, dear. A demon, as it were. Trash. Come. We should leave before he wakes up fully."

"Okay, I suppose? Where are we going? I'm not so sure about this, quite frankly."

Rowena smiles,"Yes, I'd suppose not. But still, would you rather him or I? I can promise you safety. It's up to you, dear."

"Okay. I'll go with you." She says after a moment's hesitation. This whole thing has been a nightmare, and honestly this Rowena chick seems better than Short, Dark and Lip Ring.

Rowena grabs her arm and starts hustling her seemingly to nowhere.

  
**~**

  
Rowena's taken her to the back of a cushy Midwestern diner out in the middle of nowhere. There's a dumpster, some cracked cement, and some dry weeds, basically. Jeanette has no idea how she got here. She can't even believe this. One minute they were there in the road and then, nope. Nope. She's not thinking about it. What she is thinking about is Maddie. She needs her sister. She's all Jeanette's ever needed and she needs to know that she's safe.

"Are you with me, dear?" Rowena's voice breaks through her memory-hazed mind and Jeanette's eyes snap up to the witch's.

"Huh?" She says intelligently, "Yes? What'd you say? Sorry. I zone out a lot."

"Perfectly understandable. I've got the handcuffs off now." Jeanette looks down and rubs her raw wrists thankfully. She actually hadn't noticed. "Oh, thanks."

"Okay, now it's time for you to go find Sam. you'll know who to look for after I describe him. Just tell him what I told you, okay?"

"Uhh, alright I guess?" Jeanette shrugs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like it?!


	50. The Almighty All-knowing and Some Reconcilation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! If any of y'all saw in the comments on the last chapter, I told someone that I was going to do something new I wasn't sure if y'all'd like. It wasn't super dramatic, but I'm trying out a random, new, POV. A, um... Omniscient POV. The guessing game shouldn't be too hard on that one because He's a lil obvious, lol. 
> 
> I hope y'all enjoy!
> 
> P.S. Gabe's pretty depressed, so... :(

**_Madelynne shudders in her sleep, her face drawing into a wince. Her fingers press into her lips and a small sound of pain escapes her mouth as she turns. As she dreams._ **

**_~_ **

**_Castiel twitches slightly in his slumber, his demons coming to haunt him as he tries to rest. They curl, and lumber around the edges of his mind, taunting him with their power._ **

**_~_ **

**_Dean clutches an imaginary weapon to his chest and grits his teeth, even in his sleep fighting against the evil seeking to hurt him._ **

**_~_ **

**_They're all haunted by different forms of torture, they're own brand of a personal hell. Madelynne dreams of things to come. Her gift for precognition seeping into her blood, clutching at her in her unconscious state, making things known that shouldn't be known yet. Things she never wished to know or could hope to understand. Darkness, and soul eaters, and the eventual destruction of the once great Eden. She dreams of things that have happened already, and things that are coming long after her time on earth is done._ **

**_Castiel is plagued with darkness. With an ineffable, endless darkness that he would have been subjected to had he died as an angel. His greatest fear now, being alone. Having nothing and no one except himself and his mistakes to haunt and circle him for eternity. He dreams of being trapped in a place of no light, a place with no warmth or home or family or love. Of being back in a place like what he came from. Heaven is not known for being fond of Castiel._ **

**_Dean, unsurprisingly, dreams of Sam. He dreams about the boundless puppy of a shy little boy that used to be Dean's greatest treasure and his largest Achilles Heel. He dreams of the rebellious teenager that defied everyone at every turn, with not a thought for anyone but himself. He dreams of the man that broke the world, that released Lucifer. That allowed his brotherly bond to become so strong that it was almost laughable how easy people were able to hurt them. How easy they were able to get to them. If you want to hurt one, take the other. Give and take, give and take, give and take, that's all. Sam, who betrayed Dean more times than he can count, who would sacrifice the world a thousand times over to save Dean, the same Sam that turned Dean Winchester's soul mates over to demons._ **

**_~_ **

**_That's the crux of a Winchester. The easiest way to get to them, any of them, is through another. Maddie, He knows, would go any distance for them, despite only being in this world for a short time. She would defy anyone, tear down any prison, storm any castle for her loves. Castiel and Dean are the same in that way._ **

**_He knows, He made them, molded them, created them as different beings. Yet they all have the same basic principles. And the same flaws._ **

**_Dean Winchester would sacrifice himself to save anyone if he thought it was worth it. The Righteous Man does not think he is worth saving and has yet to understand why he is still allowed to walk the earth freely, half-convinced this must be some sort of fever-dream. Dean Winchester fights for humanity. For the shreds of innocence and light that he still sees. He fights for life. For the humans, for the people that live on his earth. He fights for their lives, their light, and he'd give himself a hundred times over if that's what it took. If that's what was required of him. Dean sees the bigger picture now, he weighs the good and the bad with a moral compass that is grungy and rust-bound but still points due north. He is willing to make the sacrifice for the greater good, now. Dean Winchester is blessed with the ability of extraordinary strength. He can carry the whole world on his shoulders, every decision affecting millions of lives, and does it without breaking. Cracking? Yes. But truly being broken? No. Dean was made to carry. He was made to carry and hold, and uplift and stand strong against a storm far beyond his comprehension. To withstand._ **

**_Castiel Winchester would walk willingly into the arms of Death if it meant saving those that he cared for. He would do anything, stoop to any means necessary, to protect those that he holds most dear. Castiel no longer cares for the bigger picture. He sees that which matter most to him, his family. He's not uncaring to others, but his chosen family will always come first and nothing will change that for him. He carries the weight of past mistakes on broken wings like large stones, boulders big enough to crush him into the dirt. But still, he trudges on. The fallen son, the earthbound sun. The angel made with the ability to truly love humanity and to be able to bear the weight of the price he had to_** pay ** _do so. His love for the world and its complexities is simple enough but profound at its core. Something that is unique to Castiel. He made him that way, after all. The only angel in Heaven that ever truly loved humanity. He loved it enough to become humanity, to die and bleed and break and breathe for the very humans he chose as his own. That is Castiel's ability. His ability to persevere. His compassion, and his strength, they make him who he is and who he was always meant to be._**

**_Madelynne Winchester... What can He say about her? Madelynne's biggest supposed flaw would be her ability to love. Her empathy, her sight, the way she sees the world will always be her biggest downfall. She sees the best in everyone, finds bright points among even the darkest of people, and forgives them because she was gifted with the unique ability to understand. Madelynne sees all perspectives, she can walk in anyone's shoes and see their way of thinking. That is her greatest weakness because it makes it hard for her to truly feel right about any decision. While Dean Winchester sees a Black and a White, and a little bit of grey, Madelynne's world consists of thousands upon thousands of shades and variations of grey. She can see good in everyone and rarely acknowledges the bad without good reason. But her greatest ability is that of her heart. Her capacity for love._ **

**_She was made as the ultimate mother. The nurturer, the giver, the one that understands. In her own strange way, Madelynne cares for each creature she comes into contact with, from a depressed hunter who struggles with inner demons, to a fallen angel that truly fell in almost every way, to an angel that had such tarnished Grace that even the dimmest of stars shone brighter than he. That is her ability. He had created her with a plan in mind. Granted, He didn't know entirely how it would play out, He had made a fair guess._ **

**_So far, everything is right on track._ **

  
**~Maddie~**  
**~October 21st, 3:32 AM~**

  
Maddie stirs and she feels the warmth evaporating and receding away even as she wakes up. She sits up a little and blearily blinks, looking around. That feeling. It was so warm and... caring... She has no idea what it could've been, but it permeated her dreams and made her feel... better. She can't remember what she was dreaming, but she knows it wasn't good so she doesn't even try to remember, she just lays back down. She hears a whimper just as her head hits the pillow and she freezes, her head turning to look at Cas who is biting at his thumb in his sleep. Maddie turns over onto her left side and wraps her fingers around his hand, dragging it from his mouth. He didn't draw blood, thankfully, but his thumb is red and angry. She can see it in the warm yellow light shining through the room. They left it on when they went to sleep. Cas couldn't stand the darkness.

"Cas," She whispers. Cas just groans quietly and his eyebrows draw together. He looks pained. Maddie lays a hand on his cheek. "Cas, wake up hon. _Cas."_   The small sound he releases sounds like a wounded animal and it gives her chills. She throws her right hand out behind her and taps Dean on the thigh, knowing he'll wake easily.  
  


"Dean." She whispers and she feels his consciousness snap into wakefulness. She hasn't bothered locking her gift up again. Dean's hand lands on her hip and his voice is sleep-roughed behind her. "Whats wrong?"

"Cas won't wake up. I think he's having a nightmare."

"Hmm. Okay. Can you get on the other side of him?" Maddie's pretty sure she knows what he's getting at so she replies, "Yeah."  
  
She sits up and pushes the blanket down before leaning forward and crawling through the space between Cas and Dean's legs, he moves his obligingly, letting her get by easier. The Grace under her naval twinges at the movement but calms down as she settles on her knees at the foot of the bed, looking up at Dean. He looks tired and calm as he moves over so he can shake Cas by the shoulder.  
  


"Cas. Wake up, babe. Come on." Cas just groans and withdraws from the touch, eyes remaining steadfastly shut. Dean moves the blanket to grab Cas's shoulders and unceremoniously drags him into the middle of the bed. Maddie helps and moves his feet over too, then crawls into the space where Cas was just laying. It's warm still, and comfy.

She watches with a mild bit of trepidation as Dean tries to wake him up, but... "Why isn't he waking up?"

"Dunno. Can you try your mind meld thingy on his emotions?" Maddie smiles a bit. "You mean like where I projected my emotions onto you?"

Dean gives her an answering small smile. "Yeah. That."

"I can give it a try." Maddie closes her eyes and lays down on her side, facing Cas, chilling her emotions down and compartmentalizing. She wants to project peace and calmness for Cas. She mostly focuses on the baby to get the feelings she's looking for. Thinking about her baby made her feel happy. When she was serene she lays her hand on his hip and sends soothing pulses of calm into him. She also monitors his emotional climate, splitting the two tasks in her mind easily now. If she did nothing else while captured, she did learn to control her gift easily. She feels Cas's fear recede and his brain slips into real sleep, peaceful and content now.

"Good job, sweetheart." Dean murmurs and Maddie opens her eyes to see him smiling at her over Cas, who looks like he's sleeping contentedly now, thankfully.

"Thanks. You think he's okay?" She asks and Dean raises an eyebrow. "Are _any_ of us okay after the last week?"

"Fair enough." The room falls into comfortable silence then and Maddie looks over at Dean. Her gift skips through him cursorily in habit, and she finds pain. Sad pain with a trace of happiness.  
  
"Hey... You okay?" She asks, her voice quieter than it was a few moments ago. "I'm good. You know me."

"You're always good?" Maddie asks with a smile. Dean returns it, "Yeah. Something like that."

Maddie shakes her head and lays it on Cas's shoulder, her eyes closing. She feels Dean move and she's pretty sure he lays his head on Cas's other shoulder. She reaches out and finds his hand, entwining their fingers together. "I know better than that, you know."

She can hear the grin in his voice. "Yeah. I know."

  
**~From the Journal of Dean~**  
**~October 21st~**

  
_Well, this is nutty, even for us. I don't even know how to write this down. I felt something last night. Like... I felt something warm. And not in the 'damn, this is hot' way either. I was laying in bed with Maddie and Cas and... uh... Well, I just felt... I can't describe it. Something was here. I don't know what. But something. Something encompassing. I think that's the word. I don't know how to put it in words but it was weird. Like, dingo-ate-my-baby weird..._

_There's something I'm kinda wanting to get off my chest..._

_The first time I saw Cas was in September of 2008. He rescued me from Hell. I stabbed him in the chest. He called me out on my bullshit and the adorable son of a bitch tilted his damn head and said the realest thing anyone's ever said to me, "You don't think you deserve to be saved." He couldn't have said some realer crap if he tried. The day after when I was in Bobby's house and arguing with Sam, I questioned out loud why God would have a personal interest in me. I'm just a guy. and that's still true. I've saved some people, yeah. Saved the world, yeah. By luck and the skin of my teeth, yeah. Me and Sammy and Cas. But... Still. Why would God have a personal interest in me? I didn't understand then and I don't now. The best I can figure is he needed me. Michael's vessel and all that._

_Basically though, my point with all this was that I don't deserve Cas. Maddie either. I'm not... I'm not good enough for them. Cas saved my ass from becoming a full-fledged demon and I just... how many times have I let him down? And Maddie. Most recently, I let my brother sell them to some demons. Yeah... I know. Great boyfriend. Jesus... I'm not equipped to do all this. Now my brother is gone, something's weird with Maddie, Cas is... quiet. I don't know where the hell Gabe is, but I actually do give a damn about him. This is all just one big frikken mess and I don't have the first clue as how to handle it. Can I be tired of carrying all of this all the damn time? I'm selfish. I just want to lay down, and close my eyes. And I want to sleep. And I don't wanna worry about a goddamn thing._

  
**~Gabriel~**

  
After many hours alone in the snow on top of a Himalayan mountain, Gabriel returns to the bunker. His mind feels like a limp wrung out rag, and his body is heavy. He left the corpse there. He's sure there's something he could do with it, but his mind is too blurry for him to be inventive or smart right now. He's lucky he ever landed in the right place with the state he's in. He's pretty sure that's what the kids call grief these days. But not just grief about Jegudiel, though that does hurt. It's just... everything.

Gabriel collapses onto Sam's bed because he likes to torture himself. He sprawls across the bed, belly-down and shoves his face into Sam's pillow, inhaling the faint pine scent that clings to the smooth pillowcase fabric. He misses the stupid man so damn much it's ridiculous. His grief isn't only for Jegudiel. It's for losing him, for losing Sam, for being alone, for trying to trust and being betrayed. It's everything. Gabriel's just done. It's not that he doesn't want to exist, but he's just tired of trying to live... and failing miserably. It was so much easier to be unfeeling. So much damn easier. Fuck my life, he thinks. The apocalypse wasn't easy. It wasn't fun. It was hell. He wishes it had all been a tv show. But this? It feels too damn real. What the fuck was he thinking getting mixed up with the Winchesters again? Has that ever ended well? Why did he even show up here? Why did he get involved in all this?

Why does he have to _care?_

He was right to tell the boys all that time ago that it will only end in blood. What's happened? Sam betrayed them all, another angel is dead, Maddie and Cas were tortured, Sam has a soul marked with a Grace burn, Dean's a wreck of God only knows what. The red-headed witch is up to something, Crowley's been unusually quiet which is always good news. Everybody seems to have forgotten about a certain sister-captive that the demons were keeping, or the fact that Azazel wasn't their only problem. He gets it. They need time to heal and yada yada...

And what does Gabriel have outta all this? A whole hell of a lot of heartache and a yearning for the old days. The days he drowned himself in woman and fun; when he surrounded himself in decadence meant for kings. When he could play pranks, and mess with humans for petty fun, giving them exactly what they deserved. But... They got through all of that and Gabriel's different now. He could still do those things, but A. what would be the point? And 2, he'd feel guilty as hell to leave Maddie and Cas behind. Maddie actually needs him. She can't exactly go to a normal doctor and explain why the hell her baby's a glowing ball of light on an ultrasound. Gabriel blesses babies. At least, he used to. Besides, he's the only one in the bunker that knows about it. She's going to need someone to talk to.

Jiminy cricket, are these _seriously_ his excuses right now? And that's exactly what they are, _excuses_. He could leave if he wanted to. He could put all this behind him and go off to some remote corner of the globe and forget, but he'd carry this weight with him. He knows that. He marked Sam's soul! He seared a brand into it out of pure rage. That's not... that's not something you come back from.

  
**~**

  
Sometime later, there's a knock at his door. Gabriel's been in a state of suspended animation. He didn't notice anybody coming to the door. A cursory glance with his Grace and he knows how's at the door. He's lazy so he snaps his fingers and the door opens. He doesn't bother getting off the bed but he does turn onto his side to look at her. Maddie's at the door and her she's biting her lip.

"What's up, Mads?" Gabe says softly. He doesn't know where this is going. They haven't talked about what was said when she found out she had a bun in the oven.

"It okay if I come in?" She asks, rocking on the balls of her feet in the doorway. Gabe throws his right arm out and gestures grandly at the bland little room and gives her a fake smile. "We offer a continental breakfast and free wine on the house, though not at the same time since that's frowned upon."

She gives him a small smile and hesitantly walks across the room. She's wearing pink fuzzy pajama pants with Eeyore printed on them and one of Dean's t-shirts, it looks like. Her hair's put in a messy bun on top of her head and it's falling down. She probably slept in it. She sits on the side of the bed, rather close to actually touching Gabriel and looks at him. "Umm... Uh, what happened to Jegudiel?"

"Well, let's just say it was a fanfare of-" Gabriel stops when he sees her face and sighs, dropping all of his false cheer and humor.  
  
  
  
"He asked me to kill him. So I did. He thought it was better that way."

Maddie closes her eyes and looks away. "I kinda figured he would do that." She murmurs quietly.

"He told me to tell you 'thank you'."

She looks up with wide eyes, "Really? He- _Oh._ Oh, I know why. Did he um, do you know if he heard my prayer?"

"Oh. I'm gonna go with you were the one praying to him then. Yeah, Mads, he heard it. It uh... It gave him peace, I think." She gives Gabriel a small smile.

"Good... That's good." She bites her lip and looks away again. "Listen, Gabe, I need to talk to you."

He partially sits up and places his head in his elbow, giving her an amused smile just because he's a little shit. "About what, exactly?"

"I uh, wanted to apologize. Like... I didn't mean to be such a bitch to you with the baby and all. It wasn't your fault. And I'm sorry I yelled. And um... as far as it goes... It wasn't right of me to say it was an order for you to not tell them. I'm sorry, Gabe." Gabriel raises his eyebrows. Well... okay then. He didn't exactly expect that. Gabriel sits up and opens his arms. "Come here, kiddo."

She sighs in apparent relief and scoots around on the bed to give him a hug. He takes an unneeded deep breath and smells strawberries. When they pull away and Gabe's arms fall to his sides he says, "I'm sorry too. I uh, could've gone about that a little different after you found out."

"No, it's alright. I umm... yeah..."

"So, are we gonna have the big announcement now that I'm not sworn to secrecy?" Gabriel expected her to shoot daggers at him for joking about it so soon, but instead, she looks scared, all the blood draining out of her face.  
  
"Please, no. Gabe... They... Not now. Please. It's not an order this time, it's a request as a friend. Please." Her big grey eyes are pleading with him to understand. Gabriel's mischevious side wants to mess with her about it, but he ignores that. "Alright... But Madster, you have to tell them sooner or later."

"I mean, if this was a normal pregnancy I wouldn't even know till I was like two months along anyway. It's just... I can't tell them right now, Gabe. I can't." Gabriel shakes his head slightly, but he understands. Now's not a good time and Maddie's scared. "Alright. As long as you know something."

"What's that?"  
  
Gabriel grins, "That's a terrible excuse." Maddie punches him in the arm. "Shut up."

She smiles for a few moments then it fades away and she looks over at him seriously. "Thank you, Gabe."

"Yeah, yeah. Don't sweat it, kiddo. Listen, you and the Chesty's okay?" She rolls her eyes. "Yeah... I think so. As fine as we can be anyway. It's complicated."

"Yeah, I could see that." There's a moment of silence and Gabriel knows what she's gonna ask next. "Are um... Dean told me what happened with Sam. Are you going to be alright?"

"Wait," Gabriel blinks, "You're not gonna ask if I'm okay?"

She smiles thinly. "I already know you're not, so what'd be the point in that?" Gabriel nods with a small smile. "You gonna be okay?"

Gabriel sighs and looks down at the bed. The bed Sam was in when Gabriel struck him and marked his soul with his Grace. "Eventually... yeah. I will be. But for now?"

"Not so much." They say at the same time. Maddie gives him a small smile and leans in for another hug. "Let me know if you need anything, Gabe. I'm here." Gabriel squeezes her tightly for a moment. _Yeah, I know. Unlike someone else._

  
**~Castiel~**

  
When Castiel wakes he panics because he's alone. His body is too hot and he feels it like a dry wave of desert heat. He sits up quickly, throwing the warm blanket off and the room spins a little, and he gets dizzy. He groans and presses a hand to his throbbing temple. There's movement and he opens his straining eyes and he sees Dean over at his desk. He must've been writing. "Hey, you okay?"

Dean gets up and walks over to the bed, sitting on Castiel's side, right next to him.

"Dean?" Castiel's voice is thick with disuse and it hurts to talk. He needs a drink of water. "I think I'm sick."

Dean puts the back of his hand to Castiel's forehead. He's wearing his concerned face, Castiel's seen it many times.  
  
"Hmm... You're hot. Might be running a fever," Dean mumbles seemingly to himself then he presses his hand to Castiel's cheek and he can't help but lean into the tender touch, his eyelids fluttering. Dean's other hand comes up to his right cheek and he takes his face in both of his hands. Castiel opens his eyes and looks over at Dean's face, he looks worried and sad but relieved and happy too. It's an odd mixture. There's a small smile on his lips and Castiel wants to kiss it, but he doesn't want to get Dean sick if that is what it is. Dean leans forward and kisses him softly, even against Castiel's hushed protesting. "Dean, no, I've-"

"Got a boyfriend that wants to kiss you. Sickness be damned. I missed you fucking much, Cas." Dean presses their foreheads together, eyes closed.  
  
"I missed _you,"_ Castiel murmurs into the silence of their shared breaths between them. "I was so alone. I craved your touch like oxygen. My spirit called out for you."

"But I wasn't there for you," Dean whispers harshly and pulls away suddenly, hands falling to his sides and eyes angry. Castiel's own eyes are wide. "No, Dean. That's not what I mean. I know you did the very best you could. You saved us. You got me out of the darkness. Please don't be angry with yourself over that. This wasn't your fault. It wasn't," He says again to Dean's disbelieving expression. "I should've been there for you, Cas. I should've got to you sooner. I'm so sorry. You never should have been taken."

His words are spat vehemently and Castiel recognizes that Dean's enraged at himself and is having a self-worth crisis. Dean always punishes himself for things that are not his fault. Castiel grabs his hand in an effort to distract him from his self-loathing. He rubs his thumb over Dean's knuckles and says, "I was saying that I love you, Dean. I've wanted to tell you that so badly. I was not, and will not, lay blame for something that isn't your fault. I love you, Dean."

Dean's eyes beseech him with their green brilliance. Castiel lays his left hand to Dean's cheek lovingly and Dean closes his eyes, drawing in a sharp breath.  
  


_"I love you,"_ Castiel reiterates. Dean's words are broken and almost harsh when they fall from his lips. "I love you too, Cas."

Castiel leans forward and presses a dry, chaste kiss to Dean's lips before pulling away to say, "That's all that matters to me. That's all that's important, okay?"

"But I-"

"Please, Dean. Let this be enough. Let us be enough." Castiel opens his eyes to look at Dean who's struggling with it. "I can try, Cas. But I... just..."

"I know you do. But you can't let that misplaced guilt eat away at you. It was not your fault," He says slowly, "Do you understand?" Castiel asks softly and Dean closes his eyes. "Yeah. I understand."

Dean suddenly moves forward and drags Castiel into a bone-crushing hug that has him gasping for air but enjoying Dean's embrace even so. "I fucking missed you."

"I fucking missed you too." Castiel murmurs and Dean breaks away to look at Castiel with a half-smile and eyebrows raised. Then he starts chuckling and Castiel smiles. The fact that him cursing makes everyone laugh will never fail to amuse him. As their laughter trickles to an end the bedroom door opens with a soft 'swoosh' sound and Maddie pokes her head around.

"Hey," She calls softly and Castiel finds himself smiling.

"Come on in, Mads. Cas just woke up," Dean says, looking behind him. She walks in, closing the door behind her and stepping over to the bed. Her brown hair is a mess on top of her head and her clothes are rumpled. He notices with a small laugh that she's wearing one of Dean's black band t-shirts. Castiel is fond of those too. She hops up on the bed and sits with her knees pressed into the bed, her butt resting on her heels. To Castiel it looks uncomfortable, but who's he to say?  
  
"Hi, Cas," Maddie says quietly, offering him a smile. He smiles back at her, "Hello, Maddie."

"'S it okay if I kiss you?" She asks and Castiel chuckles. "You don't have to ask. Though I think I may be sick, so you may not want to." The words remind him that his mouth an throat feel like dry desert sand grains grating against each other and he swallows uncomfortably. She leans back on her heels and her eyebrows draw together. "What's wrong?"

Castiel rattles off what he felt when he woke up and his issues now and to his surprise, Maddie sighs in apparent relief. Dean arches an eyebrow at her and she shakes her head. "You're not sick, hon. You're dehydrated. You need water."

Dean gives her a puzzled look, but a proud one. "How'd you know that?"

She shrugs it off in a similar way that Dean does, "I know some things. Granny was always getting dehydrated. That woman refused to drink water. I used to stay with her in the hospital when she'd be staying for a couple weeks or whatever. I picked some things up. Besides, haven't you been to a science class, ever?" She directs the question to Dean who laughs. "Not in a long time, no. And I wasn't exactly paying attention back then."

"You were too busy chasing tail, huh?" She teases and pokes him in the shoulder. "Well..."

He lets the sentence drop and Castiel chuckles. He knows of Dean's many teenage escapades. He imagines that Dean views himself as quite the womanizer. However, Castiel wonders if Dean's realized he has a pattern for going after sexually assertive women, dominant women. He wonders if Maddie... Hmm... That has ideas sparking in his aching brain that he needs to review later. Maddie and Dean continue going back and forth for a few moments and Castiel takes the time to look at them. He's missed his... lovers? Yes. Lovers. He ached for them when he was locked in the darkness, and it feels like coming home to be sitting in bed watching them exchange jokes and laugh at stupid things. It feels massively important.

"I'll get you a glass of water, Cas. You need to drink a lot of it in the next few days. Or well, in general, really." Maddie shrugs and Castiel nods. His tongue feels sun-baked and thick. It takes him by surprise when Maddie leans forward and pecks him on the lips. She pulls away with a grin. "You're not sick so I'm gonna kiss you." She smiles and it's infectious. Castiel notices Dean smiling too, looking at Maddie with a soft expression rarely seen outside the bedroom. He loves that look.

"Is anyone else hungry?" Maddie asks, putting a hand to her stomach, "'Cause I'm frikken starving."

Dean laughs and stretches out, laying back over Castiel's legs, feet still on the floor. "You should make us some food."

Normally Maddie would laugh and say something teasing back since that's what Dean's doing, but now she bites her lip and looks down at her hands, fidgeting with her thumbnail, Castiel notices. "I uh... I don't want to go in the kitchen alone. I know it's stupid, it's just, uh..."

"Fuck, Maddie, I'm sorry." Dean sits back up and turns his body until he's facing Castiel and looking to the side over at Maddie. "I didn't think about it."

She waves her hands. "No, no. It's fine, I just, uh. I think I'm gonna have issues with that for a while."

"Did I miss something?" Castiel asks quietly. He doesn't understand why Maddie would have an aversion to the kitchen. She looks over at him. "Oh um, when we were uh, imprisoned, I was kept in a mock kitchen. It looked like the bunkers. I couldn't leave it, and um... I don't know. The thought of being in there alone gives me the heebie-jeebies."

He notices something dark slide over her expression for a moment, but it quickly brightens back up into a smile. "So's everybody up for food?"

Castiel nods. His stomach feels like an empty cavern, and it hurts. "Cas, you comin' down?" Dean stands up, following Maddie's example and Castiel feels a moment's terror where his heart tries to pound its way through his chest. He scrambles out of bed and Dean actually has to catch him so he doesn't fall. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy there, tiger. Get your sea legs back."

Dean's hands on Castiel's forearms are steady and help Castiel feel balanced and calm him down some. "What the hell was that, Cas?" Dean asks and Castiel hastens to explain, much as Maddie did. "I... I don't want to be left alone. At least not right now. I can't. I panicked at the thought of it."

Maddie walks around the bed and comes to Castiel's side, her hand on his upper arm. "We're not gonna leave you alone, Cas." Dean nods along with her, "I promise. Even when Dean has to do stuff you can stick with me, okay?" Another nod, "You can be stuck on me like glue, I don't mind." She smiles.

Castiel swallows guiltily but he has to ask. He's worried. "You won't leave me alone?" He glances between the two of them.

She shakes her head, her expression turning serious, "Of course not. I love you, you dope." That eases Castiel's fear and he relaxes finally, shoulders slumping.

"Thank you." He says in a hushed manner. "You don't have to thank us for that, Cas. Seriously..." Maddie looks up at him, "I understand. I promise. Now come on,  
let's go get some food before we waste away."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS FIFTIETH CHAPTER, HOLY FORKING SHIRT! (Kiodragon, stole your line, lmao)
> 
> But OMG YOU GUYS! THIS IS AWESOME! THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO STICKS WITH THIS CRAZY STORY AND MY UNSCHEDULES SELF! I LOVE ALL OF YOU!
> 
> <3
> 
> Whatdja think?


	51. Cor Meum Tibi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took so long guys. My muse on this one kind of abandoned me.

Dean heats up some of the soup he made for them and Castiel and Maddie chow down. He slurps the soup carefully, knowing he could hurt himself if he eats too quickly. He doesn't want to rush things, even though his stomach is cramping hungrily. It's really good, and he drains a glass of water after he finishes the soup. He wants to drink more, but he's going to wait since he feels nauseous now. He knows it wouldn't be smart to over-do it. He notes how anxious Maddie looks as she glances around the room and he takes her hand underneath the table, rubbing his thumb across her knuckles. She smiles over at him and he feels a wash of what he can only call thankfulness run over him. He quirks an eyebrow and she shrugs, grinning a little. Dean looks back and forth between them with a curious expression and a slight smile. "The way you two do that is a little nuts."

"Do what?" Castiel asks.

"Have the whole silent conversation thing. Like, I swear you guys just had a whole conversation and didn't even open your mouths."

"That's not so strange. You and Sam do it all the time," Castiel realizes his faux-pau immediately and he curses himself, pulling his hand away from Maddie's. Pain crosses Dean's face and he looks down at the table, eyes closing for a moment before looking back up.   
  
  
  
"I'm sorry, Dean. I didn't think."

"It's alright. I'm fine," He mutters and Castiel chances a look at Maddie and she's leaned back in her chair, eyebrow arched coolly and observing Dean with a silent analyzation. 'Oh, really?' Her expression softens and she shakes her head slightly. 'Yeah, right.'

Castiel reads words and sentences from her expressions and he knows that Dean's not okay. That he's very, very not okay. He's lost Sam. Again. This time for good, it seems. It always destroys Dean, and Dean, being who he is, always does his dead-level best to pretend he's fine and that everything's under control. Even when the world is burning to ash around him. Dean pushes away from the table and puts his bowl in the sink before turning around to face them. "Listen, I've gotta talk to Gabe for a minute. Why don't you two go uh, shower or something?"

"That your way of telling us we stink?" Maddie grins and thankfully, Dean laughs. "You do kinda stink, Mads, but it's okay."

Dean walks forward and plants a kiss on Maddie's cheek, then one on Castiel's. "While you guys do that, I'm going to go have a talk with Chuckles."

He starts walking out of the room and she calls after him, "Hey."

He turns around, "Yeah?"  
  


"Be easy on him. He's hurting right now and he's... not used to it."

"Yeah, I know." He says with a soft, understanding voice and Castiel understands then. Gabriel and Dean are in the same boat, both missing the same person, and yet cursing what he's done. Dean's looking for someone who understands. After Dean is gone, Maddie turns to Castiel and says, "So, you wanna go play with some water so we don't smell like garbage?"

Castiel laughs and nods. He supposes a shower would feel rather wonderful right now.

  
**~Maddie~**

  
She steps into the bathroom, Cas trailing behind her like a lost puppy. She sets the change of clothes on the counter and looks through the mirror at the image of Cas over her shoulder. He's clutching his clothes to him and looking around at the large space with wide eyes. She turns around to look at him. "You okay?"

"I'll be fine."

"That's not what I asked."

"I'm okay. Just... unsure."

"Of?"

"This." He gestures to the shower and Maddie glances at it, then back at Cas. "If you don't wanna shower while I'm in here, Cas, that's fine. If you need space, just tell me. I can go if you want."

Cas steps forward and grabs her forearm, placing his clothes on the counter with his other hand. "No! That's not what I meant, I just... I don't know. I want you to stay. I'm just..." He's searching for a word frantically, it seems.

"Vulnerable?" She suggests.

"Yes. I suppose so. But please, I'd like you to stay."

"Of course. Whatever you need. What do you want me to do? I can sit out here on the counter while you shower, or whatever. It doesn't matter. Whatever you want, okay?"

"I... Would you... be opposed to showering with me? I don't think my not being able to see you would um, be pleasant."

"No, of course not. That's fine. Hey, Cas?"

"Yes?"

She steps forward and wraps him in a big enveloping hug. "I love you, you know."

He wraps his own arms around her, squeezing tightly. "I love you too."

  
**~**

  
Maddie holds Cas's hand as they shuffle down the hallway out towards the living room.

"Wait a second," She says, and starts walking back towards her room, Cas still holding her hand. When she gets there she grabs her orange jacket off the bedpost and slips it on, zipping it up and feeling more at ease immediately. "May I wear your sweatshirt?" He asks with a hesitant tone, averting his eyes.

"My grey one?"

"Yes. Would that be alright?"

"Uh, yeah. Sure. It used to be my mom's you know. And my uncle's before that. You're lucky it's so big on me, otherwise, it'd never fit you." Maddie smiles as she digs it out of a stack of clothes and hands it to him. He unfolds the ratty old thing and slips it on over his plain black t-shirt. It's pretty snug on him, outlining his broad shoulders and slim hips. And granted, that's really hot, the fact that he's wearing her mom's sweatshirt is just too much and it makes her heart all fuzzy and giddy. He looks so cute that Maddie can't help but smile. "You're adorable."

The sleeves are ratty at the end, torn by years of nervous habits and it's faded from the original dark grey into a light grey from so much use and hundreds of washings. Cas's cheeks actually flush and he gives a small laugh. "Thank you."

"Oh yeah, one more thing." Maddie goes and reaches on top of her dresser, she grabs her phone and her blade, slipping them into her pockets before grabbing her recently discarded necklace and slipping it back over her head. The Grace in her belly gives a little tumble at Cas's Grace being so close then settles back down, buzzing happily. "You still wear it?"

She looks up at Cas in surprise. "Well yeah. Of course, I do. I love having you so close to me. And... It's a symbol of trust, and love, that you even gave this to me in the first place," Maddie runs her finger over the glass vial in thought, "Of course, I wear it. It makes me happy."

She's suddenly enveloped by a warm body and tight arms and she relaxes into it, hugging Cas back. "It makes me happy that you wear it. I love you."

"Te amo, Cas. Aeternum." _I love you, Cas. Forever._

He pulls away in surprise. "Cor meum tibi."

Maddie thinks for a moment, trying to translate what she does know. He leans forward and rumbles in her ear. "My heart is for you."

Shivers run down her spine at the sentiment and the little buzzing under her naval reacts by spinning out of control for a moment, making her wince. Cas, thankfully, doesn't notice. She takes his hand again with a casual smile and they start walking out to the hallway. Gabe's door is open and there's a murmur of voices from the inside but Maddie and Cas don't go in. Dean and Gabe have some things to talk about. She leads Cas to the kitchen, intent on not letting her fear get the better of her. She squeezes Cas's hand tighter as she comes through the entryway, her fingers itching for the blade that's in her pocket right now but she knows this isn't the same. This is the real Cas, in the real bunker. She's fine. He's not a copy.

"Maddie?"

She flicks her eyes up to meet his worried gaze and exhales a breath, "Sorry. I just... A lot happened."

"I understand. I'm here for you. Tell me what you need." She rubs her thumb across his knuckle. "Just this. I'm good, I think. Just like... a knee-jerk reaction, I guess. I'm okay."

"Okay. But tell me if there's anything I can do."

"Thanks, Cas."

"No problem."

The phrase catches her off guard for a moment, and she glances up at him with an arched eyebrow. He smiles, "What?"

With his thick stubble and crazy ruffled hair that's longer than it should be and the easy-going smile on his face, he looks ridiculously like Endverse Cas and she's not sure if she likes it. The thought scares her. The smile slips from his face as easy as it came. "What is it?"

"I uh... It's nothing. I'm good."

"Please don't do that."

"Cas, I- It's nothing. It's fine," Maddie turns away and faces the counter, putting her hands on it and closing her eyes. Cas is not a junkie, he's not a jaded fallen angel. He's adorable and sensitive and loving and everything that that Cas wasn't. It's fine. Mirroring her thoughts unknowingly, Cas says, "Obviously it's not fine. What's wrong, Maddie? Please don't shut me out."

The quiet plea is enough to break her. She can't deny him that. She turns back around and Cas is right there, his left hand comes to rest on her cheek and she closes her eyes, leaning into the comforting touch. "What is it, honeybee? Please tell me."

Maddie takes a deep breath, then bites her lip and looks up at him. "Did... Did Dean ever tell you about what he saw when Zachariah sent him to the future? With the Croatoan and everything?"

"I know of it. I don't understand the connection." His dark brows are drawn together in confusion, creating that little dent in between them. "I... Well... Did he ever tell you about... you?"

"About me? No..." Cas is obviously confused now and Maddie feels conflicted. She doesn't know whether she should tell him or not. If Dean wanted him to know she would have told him. No. She's got to stop doing that. This is three parts, not two + one parts. You are not an addition, Maddie mentally lectures herself. You are an equal part of the relationship. If he's upset, we'll deal with it then. "Well... Cas, you... You had fallen and... You uh... Let's sum it up to there was a lot of sex, orgies with women, and um, drugs. A lot of pills. And you were just... really laid back and chill and you didn't really care about anything and, I don't know. I don't want to see you like that."

His face moves from confusion to shock to soft concern throughout her little speech. "But I'm not like that."

"No. Of course not. But... Just the way you responded a minute ago, when you said 'no problem' instead of like, 'you're welcome' or something. It just reminded me of that. And that's not to say you shouldn't change, Cas! Your speech is going to evolve and you're personality is going to change as you learn more things about yourself, and I'm definitely not saying it's a bad thing! I'm just all emotional right now for no reason. I'm sorry." Maddie finds herself pressed into him, her head leaning against his shoulder and his hand in her hair, gently pressing her head there, and another hand stroking along her spine.

"It's alright, Maddie," He presses a kiss to her temple and Maddie closes her eyes, just leaning into the warmth and intimacy. She's missed this desperately. Goosebumps erupt over her skin and she presses closer into Cas, turning her head so that her forehead is resting against the side of his neck. She takes a deep breath and smells her vanilla perfume from her sweatshirt and the clean smell of Irish Spring soap from Cas's skin. He smells like home. "It's alright to be emotional. We've both been through a lot in the last few days. You even, ever since you got here really. You haven't had a chance to acclimate to it, have you?"

Maddie shakes her head, squeezing herself closer to him.

"That's alright. I'll be here for you, just like you are for me. And Dean too. We both have you, and you have us."

"We'll be fine," Maddie whispers.

"Yes." He presses another kiss to her hair and continues to hold her for several minutes. It's more like they're holding each other, though. Trying to press the broken edges back together.

When they finally released each other, Cas turns and his hand comes down to grasp hers, his thumb rubbing over her forefinger. "We'll be alright, Maddie." And in that moment, she knows it's true.  
  


  
**~Sam~**   
**~October 20th~**

  
"So... Rowena just... sent you in here? Without an explanation?" Sam asks Jeanette after her story is finished.

"Uh, yeah... That's what I said," She chuckles, looking around the room, eyeing the waitress behind the counter. She's young. Too young to be wrapped up in all this. "Do you want something to eat?" Sam thinks to ask.

"I uh, I mean, I guess? If that's okay."

"Yeah, sure. It's no problem. Listen, um... So you're looking for your sister? What's her name? I can try to help you find her."

"Her name's Maddie, uh, Madelynne. But how can you help? I mean, you're just a dude," She eyes him suspiciously, "You are human, aren't you? You're not one of those freak-a-zoid things with the black eyeballs?"

Sam's still stuck on the sister thing. Maddie? That can't be a coincidence. That's why she looks familiar! He can see the resembles now. Jeanette and Maddie have similar features, their lips are almost the same, Jeanette's being more compact, and their eyes are exactly the same exact Jeanette has longer eyelashes. He can definitely see the resemblance now and he can't believe he was dumb enough to not see it before. When his brain kicks back online he says, "Uh, no. I'm human. Umm, Jeanette, what's your last name?"

"Blevins, why?"

"Okay. I um... I was just wondering. Listen, I can help you, I think. But I need to explain some things first."

"Uh... okay."

So Sam explains who and what he does and as she eats he fills Jeanette in on the alternate dimensions and how the Maddie he knows isn't her actual sister but that Sam can help find her actual sister. She already knows about demons but he explains monsters and witches and the whole shebang and how everything happened and why she was being moved. It's a lot to take in. By the end of it, Sam is tired of talking and Jeanette looks pale and shaky.  
  
"Are you okay?" He asks worriedly.

"Uh, no. Not okay. That's... a lot."

"Yeah, I know. Listen, do you want to come to my motel room? It's right down the street. You can get some sleep, maybe a shower if you want it. It'll give you some time to process all this and maybe we can get started on trying to find your sister."

"Uh... Yeah. Yeah, okay, I guess. I'm trusting you not to murder me and bury me in the woods somewhere," She replies as she stands. Sam has to grab her arm to keep her from falling and she mumbles a 'thanks' in return. He throws some money on the table for the food and coffee, grabs his laptop, and they walk out into the sunshine and chilly air. She's shivering, he notices. It's only a few blocks to the motel room but he gives her his jacket anyway, which looks about like a trenchcoat on her, but it's kind of cute and she actually smiles up at him as she wraps herself in it against the biting wind.

**~**

While Jeanette's in the shower, Sam tries to call Rowena but doesn't get an answer. He guesses she's got some nefarious reason behind this but Jeanette's not a demon, and so far he hasn't seen any sign of her being anything else. He slipped some holy water in her coffee when she wasn't looking, and she drank it just fine. She seems to be exactly who she says she is and her resemblance to Maddie is uncanny. It makes him uncomfortable when he thinks about it and his wound aches at the thought. He rubs his shoulder as he thinks, trying to gather his thoughts. What in the world is he supposed to do now?

**~**

When Jeanette comes out of the shower she color's a little better; her cheeks are flushed pink from the heat, but her eyes look more haunted, and he's to blame for that. She's in the same clothes as she was before since nothing he has would fit her, besides the addition of a green flannel that dwarfs her with its size. Sam is sitting at the table situated by the window and she settles on the bed, looking over at him curiously. "Feel better?"

"A little, I guess. All of this is kinda still freakin' me out."

"Yeah, it's a lot to process."

Jeanette just hums her agreement and looks around at the red and black room, Oriental themed room. "Nice design you got here."

Sam chuckles, "It wasn't my doing, trust me."

Jeanette yawns just then, her body stretching towards the ceiling as she does. "If you want to sleep, you can use the bed."

She looks back behind her at the bed and must decide it looks comfortable because she looks back over at him and says, "You won't... leave, right? Like, when I wake up you'll be here? I don't wanna be alone after all this."

Sam just blinks for a minute before his brain kicks into gear. "Yeah. Uh, yeah. Of course. I'll be here."

"Thanks... I really appreciate you helping me. I know you don't have to."

"I uh, I want to. So it's fine. Don't worry about it. Why don't you get some sleep and I'll see what I can get started here on research, okay?"

"Okay," She yawns sleepily and stands for a moment to pull the blankets out, then she climbs under them and cocoons herself up into a little ball. A second later a hand emerges from the nest and she puts her glasses on the nightstand and then she's gone again. It's not more than a couple minutes later when she's asleep and making slight snoring sounds that have Sam chuckling. He sits down at his laptop and brings up Google's search engine, using his computer skills to find Jeanette's older sister. He immerses himself in her history and records until Jeanette wakes up a couple hours later. She's yawning and stretching, her hair a ruffled mess.

"Hi," She says and Sam smiles a bit, replying, "Have a good nap?"  
  


"It wasn't long enough, but yeah." She sits up and looks over at him, blinking sleepily, looking very much like a lazy cat. "What're you up to?"

"Looking into Maddie's case. If you're up for it, we need to talk about her running away. It'd help me find her."

"Yeah. Uh, yeah. Of course. Listen, I wanted to ask you something."

"Sure," He says as she gets up from the bed and comes to sit across the table from him. "Do you think I could meet the other Maddie? I mean, the one you know? This is all kind of really crazy, and I just... It's hard to wrap my head around, I guess."

Sam freezes. He doesn't even know how to begin to explain this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I hope you enjoyed it. But let it be known that I really, really hate this chapter. Like, I despise it. I cannot even explain why, I just really don't like it. So if y'all did, awesome. If you didn't, I'm sorry. :( This has sucked to try to write. *shakes head at myself* I'm such a mess right now lol, it's ridiculous. I hope to see y'all soon with another update, but we know how that goes...
> 
> P.S. google translate is prob not the best place for english to latin translations, but I hope you'll forgive me for it's most likely incorrect usage here.


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